Marriage dilemma: Hubby wants a baby, wife doesn’t

A mom has sent us a very serious issue with which she needs our help. She is at an impasse with her husband about having a child and is worried either way one of the spouses will end up resenting the other.  She sent a very good narrative of what is happening. Please read it carefully and give her your most thoughtful advice.

“My husband and I are going through a particularly rough time because he wants a baby and I do not. We’ve been married for more than 10 years. We have a teenage child who my husband adopted after we married. When we married I always assumed we’d have a child together but the timing never seemed right. By the time I thought we were ready for No. 2, I just couldn’t bear the thought of ’starting over.’ I am certainly still young enough to have more children but since I had our son very young, part of the desire for me is certainly that I will get to live an adult life without the day-to-day responsibilities of having a baby or school-aged for the first time in my adult life. I love our son with every piece of my heart and wouldn’t change my life situation for anything in the world but wanting to do it all over is not something I desire.”

“In the past year or so, my husband’s younger siblings have both had babies, which I think was the catalyst for him to want one as well. He broached the subject with me last summer but instead of asking or suggesting, he simply stated that he felt ‘cheated’ because I didn’t give him the option of having ‘his own’ children. WE never made a decision not to have kids; we simply put it off and never really discussed it until I decided I didn’t want anymore and then he never brought the subject up until a few months ago. Quite honestly, I assumed he was with me in not wanting to start over. There has never been a sit-down discussion when or if more children would be part of our lives. Perhaps it’s my fault for changing my mind, perhaps it’s his fault for not bringing it up sooner but nonetheless, I don’t want to feel guilty the rest of our married life because he didn’t get to experience something he really wanted.”

“After thinking about it some, I told him that there was really no way to compromise since I would be the one who would have to carry a baby and it’s not like I could just hand it over to him and not be involved. I have always believed that it should be a mutual decision to have children and dissent from either spouse equals a no-go. So we’re kind of in a stalemate. He’s hurt because I said I don’t want any more children. I’m frustrated because I feel like he should have brought it up a few years ago and not waited until we had a nearly-independent child.”

“Is it OK for one spouse to change their mind about having children or the number of children? Can you ever really “compromise” or does one spouse simply give in to the other? Would you leave your spouse if you wanted children and he/she does not?”

“Have you had a child simply because your spouse wanted one? How did you feel after the baby arrived? Did you hold it against your spouse or were you so thrilled with a new baby that you decided your spouse was right?”

This mom wrote to us wanting our sincere help so please, please be thoughtful and not mean or judgmental. Give her your best constructive experiences and ideas for resolution.

62 comments Add your comment

Penguinmom

March 13th, 2012
3:03 am

I actually would suggest going to a counselor to talk this through. It is something that needs to be aired completely or someone is going to end up feeling hurt and resentful enough to potentially end the marriage.

I think 10 years is not really that long in a marriage as far as deciding to definitely have kids or not. My husband and I had been married 8 years before our first child was born. 8 years later, we had our third (and last) child. Yes, it is harder to deal with the baby thing when you are a little older (I was 38 when our youngest was born), but it does keep you young as well.

After our 2nd child was born, my husband wasn’t really sure he wanted a 3rd child but he was willing to consider it. In the end, we decided to just stop using birth control but to not really ‘try’ to get pregnant. If we did end up pregnant that was fine, if we didn’t that was fine also. Turns out we did get pregnant and we are both extremely thankful for all that our youngest brings to the family.

Sadly, there really isn’t a good answer that will give everyone in this situation exactly what they want. I do think it is a good reminder to never assume anything about what your spouse is or isn’t thinking. We all want to think our spouse is in full agreement with everything that is happening but you don’t really know for sure unless you ask/discuss.

mom2alex&max

March 13th, 2012
7:24 am

Unfortunately, there really isn’t a compromise. There will either be a baby or there won’t. This is such a tough situation.

However, I will say one thing: it is a bit unfair that the husband is so insistent. After all, we all know the bulk of the “work” for the 1st couple of years is done by mom. She is the one that has to be pregnant, she is the one that has to deliver, she is the one that has to breastfeed, she is the one that has to take time off work. Not to mention all the physical impact that never really goes away.

motherjanegoose

March 13th, 2012
7:43 am

Tough situation and I certainly agree with going to counseling. In case anyone says, “that is expensive and takes a lot of time…” Um YES…so does a baby/child.

Dr. Raymond Stanz

March 13th, 2012
8:16 am

Hold it right there Dead Head! You want a baby, why don’t you go knock up some willing hellhound! Otherwise I’m giving you three to get back in that painting where you belong!

misawa

March 13th, 2012
8:17 am

Counseling. Far too emotional of an issue to suss out on their own. Besides, this is the most important issue either of them should have been talking about in the last 10 years; between “assuming” and just not bringing it up, they don’t seem capable of communicating in this area with just the two of them.

And just one more reason I advise couples to talk about children before even getting engaged.

Augusta

March 13th, 2012
8:24 am

I don’t blame the wife. Kids are expensive, they are a lot of work, and it’s a lifelong committment. You have one child, just love him and give him all that you can. If hubby needs a baby fix, let him go take care of a niece/nephew for a week, by HIMSELF. Then come talk to me about another baby.

And as much as I love all of my kids, knowing that I still have at least 10 years before my nest is empty, doesn’t thrill me at all. I’m looking forward to having time for ME, which I don’t get too much of these days, nor does hubby. We are looking forward to travelling, A LOT!!!! Maybe buying a motor home and just going when we want, whevever we want.

There’s a certain kind of freedom with only having one child!!!

motherjanegoose

March 13th, 2012
8:43 am

I have no experience with bringing children into a marriage that are biologically related to only one parent. Does the Dad simply want a child of his genes? Or one that came home from the hospital, under his roof…right from the start? Bringing home your own baby may seem like a dream but sometimes it is a nightmare, when you are sleep deprived or the baby is sick.

What if that same Dad brought kids into the marriage and the Mom wanted to have her own child and the Dad said, “No, too expensive and I want to retire soon.” I love all sorts of kids but have two that are mine. Does it matter if they are “yours” or not? I really do not know.

Voice of Reason

March 13th, 2012
8:46 am

First of all if you don’t want people to judge you then don’t post your personal issues on a public blog for everyone and their grandmother to comment on.

Second, this is a game-changer in terms of their entire marriage. This is like in “The Wedding Singer” when Adam Sandler’s character looks at the woman who left him at the alter because she said he was no longer like David Lee Roth and says, “These are things that should have been brought to my attention yesterday!”

Counseling is fine and dandy but at the end of the day one of them is going to win and one of them is going to lose. There is no compromise here, getting a dog is NOT like giving him a child of his own and this issue will never go away if they simply ignore it…OBVIOUSLY!

The point is, one of you is going to have to relent, and hopefully it will be the one of you that is the more emotionally stable. The risk is your marriage and you should have discussed this long before now.

Sorry if this offends you but I don’t coddle people. I tell it like it is and I don’t hold back. Life is WAY too short to beat around the bush.

Jeff

March 13th, 2012
8:48 am

Being resentful for NOT having a child affects the relationship between the man and the woman. Being resentful FOR having a child affects not only the relationship between the mother and father, but also the relationship between the mother and child and the father and the child.

Why do that to a child?

We all have disappointments in life, maybe this is his. If I could have a conversation with this guy, I would recommend that he focus his fatherly instinct on his son and his nieces and nephews. Focus on the positive and how you can impact the lives of the children that ARE in your family. You never know which one of those children will grow up and say you were the one that had this biggest impact in their life.

Figment

March 13th, 2012
8:57 am

I agree, they should get counseling. Sounds like they didn’t discuss the subject enough before they got to this stage, and now they are in a difficult spot.

My SO and I have discussed having a child after we are married. It’s not a given that it will happen but it’s something we would both very much like. I have one child already from a previous marriage but I would love for us to have a child together too in due time. First we have to get married. :)

Roberta Higginbotham

March 13th, 2012
8:57 am

“When we were married I always assumed we’d have a child together.”
“WE never made the decision not to have kids.”
“There has never been a sit-down decision when or if more children would be a part of our lives.”

These people should be the poster-children for what happens when there’s no communication in a marriage.

Jen

March 13th, 2012
9:09 am

You are being selfish.

Augusta

March 13th, 2012
9:13 am

@Jeff – WONDERFUL WORDS!!!!!!

Tonya C.

March 13th, 2012
9:30 am

I’ll be the one to say it: this could quite possibly be the end of her marriage. This is an issue that should have been hashed out in one form or another YEARS ago. It’s 10 years later and now he is ready and she isn’t. Someone else said it: there is no real compromise here without a loser.

It always stuns me that people don’t discuss future goals and wishes on a continuous basis. My husband and I married at 21 and 22 and this was a very real discussion for us as I brought a child into the relationship that he has raised as his own. He was unwilling to marry me until I knew I wanted more kids.

Augusta

March 13th, 2012
9:49 am

@Jen – she has every RIGHT to be selfish. Not every woman was cut out to birth babies. Maybe she doesn’t want to be strapped down for another 18 years. Maybe she’s perfectly happy with the baby THEY CHOSE by adopting him…..there’s a lot of women who don’t feel the need to be a mommie…..I know at least 5 women like this.

If she doesn’t want a baby, then that is defiantely HER CHOICE…..

Augusta

March 13th, 2012
9:53 am

@Tonya C – I have a very good friend who married, and they discussed having children for years. He came from a big family, and he wanted several children. They talked about this all the time, to the point where we were all tired of hearing about how much they wanted kids. They dated for 2 years, married and 3 years later, she didn’t think she could get pregnant, they were not using any type of birth control. So they went to fertility clinics, etc. She went through numerous tests, so did he, and finally, about 2 years later, VIOLA, a beautiful baby girl. Then, he bolted, didn’t stick around, left right after the baby was born. Left her with a brand new baby……

So much for discussing the future huh?

Tonya C.

March 13th, 2012
9:56 am

Augusta:

I didn’t say it was foolproof, but a total avoidance of the issue is far more juvenille and silly. At least ACKNOWLEDGE the fact that this is a discussion to be had. Your friend took the right path and he punked out; unless she saw signs she ignored there was no way to control for that outcome.

This was her first mistake...

March 13th, 2012
10:01 am

…”I always assumed we’d have a child together but the timing never seemed right” – if everyone waited until “the timing was right” there would be very few pregnancies in this world.

So, as others have said, there is no “right” answer to this topic – just, good luck in dealing with whatever happens, yet PLEASE do not bring an “unwanted” child into this world with the hopes that “everything” will eventually “work out” – that would be so unfair to everyone, expecially the child…

Jesse's Girl

March 13th, 2012
10:10 am

Deal breaker. Plain and simple. This will end up causing resentment regardless of the path chosen. He will resent you. And I’m sorry…but he has just cause. He married a woman with a child from another relationship. He loved YOU enough to look beyond the potential mess that a blended family can bring about and married you. Because he loved you. But he not only loved you…he loved your son. Not all men are cut from that kind of cloth. But you will also resent him for allowing yourself to feel pushed or bullied into a choice you do not really want. You have answered your own question. It is more important for you…at this point in your life…to live the rest of your days without midnight feeding, poopy diapers and a colicky little one. You do not want to start over. Totally your call, totally your choice. But get counseling. This man loved you enough to take a huge leap of faith and marry a woman who came with her own child. He loved you and that child…as his own. I can guarantee you that he will always see it this way. Counseling may provide you both with the tools to appreciate one another’s view points before the resentment and bitterness builds. Prayers for you.

Heather

March 13th, 2012
10:14 am

@ Jeff and @ Roberta- you both hit the nail on the head! my thoughts exactly.

nik

March 13th, 2012
10:16 am

I think you should stand your ground on this. He needs to understand you are the one that carries that baby, and though some may not agree, women carry most of the work when it comes to raising kids. I have one kid and my husband has two kids. I thought I wanted another one until I had to deal with three kids. One is so spoiled I can hardly stand it; one is never satisfied; and the last one is bossy. I am waiting for the day I am free of them and my husband and I can just enjoy each other without having kids to worry about. I love my kids but they are pieces of work. Go to counseling and help him to understand how much things will change between you two, and noe necessarily for the best

Scooby

March 13th, 2012
10:18 am

Her husband adopted a child after they were married? How does that work? I’m confused.

Jesse's Girl

March 13th, 2012
10:22 am

I appreciate your honesty here Nik. But wow. We have three as well. And they posess all the traits you mentioned. But I can absolutely WAIT to be free of them. My husband and I have gotten pretty good at stealing moments for ourselves. Kind of keeps it exciting:) I will miss…terribly so…the chaos that is having kids in a home. I do look forward to growing old with my husband and all the fabulousness that entails. But I will grieve for the ending of my “mommy” chapter…even as I welcome the beginning of another. Different perspective I suppose…

d

March 13th, 2012
10:40 am

If the situation was reversed, something tells me that there would be a lot of people on here berating the husband for depriving his wife of the opportunity for experiencing motherhood. “You already have one of your own, how can you deprive her”?

Baffling to me why men agree to get married these days.

Tonya C.

March 13th, 2012
10:42 am

Scooby:

She had a son prior to their marriage. After they married, her husband adopted the son she already had. Commonly called step-parent adoption.

JG:
We have three as well. And probably will add a fourth. We love the crazy, and are lucky to finally have a well-balanced couple life as well as family time But Nik went from one to three, and that can have a real effect on perspective. I feel like you, I’m enjoying this wild ride and couldn’t really visualize a different life at this point. But our oldest is 12 and we know the time is flying so we better take in every moment.

nik

March 13th, 2012
10:43 am

@Jessie’s Girl….. very different. I will miss my son when he’s gone but I will not miss the constant bantering between him and my youngest step-daughter. Kids are not for everyone and the more I am around my three, I believe I am one of those people. I think having kids is the most dramatic life changing event in one’s life, and it should be thought out well. Because not only are the parents affected but so are the kids. If she does not want to have another child, her husband should not force her to. He should just understand that and let it go. He will resent her either way. If she doesn’t have the child, he will be upset. And if she does, but is not as excited about it as he is, he will be upset.

World Traveler

March 13th, 2012
10:44 am

It’s a tough decision. I got remarried in my lat 40s, and both my wife and I wanted children. She was in nursing school, and I lost my job for about 9 months, so I ended up taking care of our children… almost exclusively… for the first year.

For our second child, I got about 50% duty. She works weekend graveyard shift, so I NEVER have a single day off of any kind… ever.

My wife wants a third child, but to me that means that I would have less than 8 hours of free time in any given week… two hours after the kids go to bed… 4 nights a week. In that amount of time, I have to get everything that has to be done. It’s not fun.

I wrote all of this to you WOMEN who make the assumption of how much the husband is willing to do. Just because your men suck when it comes to childcare doesn’t mean that that every man will be that way.

For the couple we are talking about, though, things are not easy. It appears that the man has no natural biological children of his own, and this was a common goal at the start of their marriage. He gave up a good part of his life to be father to her son, always expecting that there would be a biological child of his own…. and now there won’t . He is going to see that as a betrayal.

The wife is perfectly satisfied… she had HER baby. He never had a baby, and there is a hole there in his life. He worked to be a father to her son, she is unwilling to work to be a mother to THEIR baby. To him, he has already made sacrifices that she is not now willing, in turn, to make.

Deb

March 13th, 2012
10:47 am

The poster says she assumed her husband “was with her in not wanting to start over,” but he never got the chance to start, did he? He has never had a baby of his own. I think it is only natural that, if he loves his wife and family, that he would want the experience of having his own child with his wife.

And I am a mom, BTW, who was very hesitant to have a second child. It was my husband who wanted another. Now, just like virtually any mom, I couldn’t imagine life without him. No doubt I would have loved to have been able to have my own life, freedom, ability to travel, etc., sooner, but needless to say, my son is a far richer gift that those things in the end.

homeschooler

March 13th, 2012
10:48 am

This is a heartbreaking issue and one that is close to me because two of my family members are going through it right now.
In their case they dated since high school, married in their mid twenties and always, always said they did not want children. Well, at least she always said that and he agreed. In reality I think he never cared one way or the other. They have worked hard, made lots of money and suddenly he wants a child. He sees his friends and siblings raising kids and it has become something that is important to him. Very sad but, in this case, they did agree early on and, well, I can assure you he will never have his own child with her. She is now 40 and is very, very clear that she will not be getting pregnant. I’m very sad for them. I’ve always been a little sad for her that she didn’t want children but am glad that she knows herself well enough to be sure and not to have a baby just because “that’s what you do”. I do feel very bad for him though. He never knew how deeply he would want this one day. People change their minds about what is important and, well, like Jeff said, I guess this is just his disappointment. It is a very big disappointment.
In terms of the situation above, I think the man should be thankful he has a child even if he is adopted and he will, hopefully, have grandchildren etc.. At least he is a “dad”. My family member will never be called “dad” and he really wants to be. Just sad.
It is a true “no win” situation.

K's Mom

March 13th, 2012
10:53 am

As a step parent, I can see both sides. I agree that these folks have got to go to counseling. It will be the only thing that saves this marriage, which sounds like it is worth saving.

The thing that no one understands, unless you marry someone with a child is, a step child may fill a void of no children, but it is not the same as having your own child. I really struggled with that. I went into my marriage with the “spirit of adoption” since we were not sure if I could have kids. When I did become pregnant one of my stepmom friends told me I would have a much stronger bond with my biological child and to be prepared to feel guilty, which I did. Although this man legally adopted his step child and they have a close relationship, having your own child is very different and even if he is only looking at it through rose colored glasses, he may never get over the loss of not having his own child. It is a heartbreaking situation for this couple and again counseling needs to be in this couple’s immediate future!

Ajaylove

March 13th, 2012
10:55 am

I’m with Jesse’s Girll 100%. Having been through this exact same experience myself. I have a child from my 1st marriage. Hubby did not have any. He loves and adores my daughter as if she were his own, but always felt the desire to have his own flesh and blood. It took me a long time to wrap my mind around a new baby, but I/we did it. My kids are 8 1/2 years apart and I couldn’t be happier. Seeing my husband fulfilled in this way brings me so much joy, as does watching my new baby girl grow up. We’re talking about #3 now. IMO-Marriage works best when we think more about the other person than we do ourselves.

mom2alex&max

March 13th, 2012
10:59 am

Wait. I just figured out he adopted HER son from a previous relationship! well that changes a few things. He loved you enough to marry you AND the child you came with, helped you raised him, adopted him legally. It seems maybe you should reconsider this. He sacrificed for you. Maybe now is your turn?

And @d: maybe that’s because a lot of us know that a lot/most of the childcare/rearing is done by mom. I know, I know..several of you mentioned having 50% of the duties. That’s NOT common, and it’s not like I don’t believe you, but I do wonder what your wife would say if we asked her what she thinks her contribution is.

Former Stepkid

March 13th, 2012
11:03 am

Is anyone thinking of the current child? I really hope the husband in this situation NEVER says anything along the lines of “a child of my own” around the stepchild. I am a former stepkid who grew up with a “new baby” and let me tell you, once the “new baby” came, I was pushed aside like yesterday’s toy. I always felt like an interloper. So to the original poster and her husband, it’s not just about you. It’s also about your current child and the one you may bring into the world.

Denise

March 13th, 2012
11:15 am

A friend of mine had the opposite situation. He didn’t want a second child, gave his wife his reasons, and was very adamant. She was equally as adamant about wanting a second child. She wanted to “compromise”. Her idea of “compromise” was “let’s just see if we get pregnant”. Here comes baby #2. Throughout the pregnancy he was a complete ass and resented her breathing the same air as him. Good for marriage? Negative. Son is here now and he is an excellent father to him. Much better father than she is mother. She wanted the second child just to have him I guess because she is not doing jack for him. How is the marriage? He’s hanging in there but sometimes I wonder. I think the issue is more that she disregarded what he wanted more than the kid himself but you never know.

Augusta

March 13th, 2012
11:16 am

Good thoughts @FomerStepkid…

Van Jones

March 13th, 2012
11:17 am

This lady is quite full of herself. Her husband adopted her child but, about a new one, she mentions “it’s not like I could just hand it over to him and not be involved”. Good grief lady!

K's Mom

March 13th, 2012
11:19 am

@Former Stepkid, you are very right. However, I will ask the tough question, were you really pushed aside or is that the attitude you took to get more attention? I know I went overboard after the birth of my first child to make my stepchild feel included and special and she completely backed away from me, which broke my heart. I bought new clothes, planned a birthday party, made sure favorite meals were cooked, made sure favorite activities were planned and so on. When my stepchild was in the house it was all about making the stepchild’s world bright and happy. At the end of 3 months my stepchild started being destructive and lying and decided that the baby and I were her enemy and stopped coming around. I hate it for my husband and for my child, but I know with no guilt that I did what every book and therapist told me to do and that nothing was going to win this child over. I am certain my stepchild would tell a story much like yours, so that is why I ask the question.

Scooby

March 13th, 2012
11:49 am

Thanks Tonya.

nik

March 13th, 2012
11:51 am

@Former Stepkid…my oldest step-daughter hates me with a passion. She doesn;t even look at me. She doesn;t speak and won;t even hardly sit in the same room as me unless my husband (her dad) is there. I have tried everything I could to make her feel better but she is just so rude, I don;t know how to handle the situation. Of course, my husband keeps saying “she will come around”.

This was kind of off the subject but that’s another reason I will not have another one. It’s hard enough dealing with this situation that it would just be worse because I know she would freak out if I were to have her dad’s baby. Kids are something else so I totally understand why the original poster is having some concerns about starting over.

Bob Smith

March 13th, 2012
11:56 am

@Former Stepkid

Are you a Ginger?

K's Mom

March 13th, 2012
12:03 pm

@nik…glad I am not the only step monster out there ;o).

Warrior Woman

March 13th, 2012
12:16 pm

@Jeff – Being resentful for not having a child also hurts the relationship between the dad and the existing child.

I’m with World Traveler and Jesse’s Girl on this one. The husband provided for the wife’s child from the first marraige to the point of adoption. That is a huge sacrifice, risk, and commitment from him. The wife changed the game without consulting her husband. IMO, the wife is being selfish and is in the wrong here.

Situations like this can destroy marraiges. Counseling (and some serious soul-searching on her part) is strongly recommended.

Former Stepkid

March 13th, 2012
12:25 pm

@BobSmith – LOL, No! To the other stepmom posters, you are proving my point that blended families are difficult and the added stress of a baby usually makes things worse. Steps aren’t evil – kids or parents!!!! :)

motherjanegoose

March 13th, 2012
12:44 pm

This confuses me:

“One is so spoiled I can hardly stand it; one is never satisfied; and the last one is bossy.”

Yes, children each have their own personalities but we ( as parents) play a big part in this. Mine have had their bad days but in the end ( when they were smaller ) their personalities were a large part of what we expected here at home and how we handled it. We only had one household.

We ran into a 3 year old neighbor last night around 8:30, as we were walking our dog and they were taking out the trash. After chatting, I mentioned that we needed to go home since it was getting to be time for bed and perhaps it was the child’s bed time. “No…he just falls asleep whenever he is sleepy.” WHAT? That did not happen around here. All children under 5 were in their bed by 9:00…typically falling asleep quickly unless it was a circumstance where we were out and about and this was not often as I believe children need their rest and parents needed a break.

jmb

March 13th, 2012
12:45 pm

I met my husband when I was 35 and had 3 children (1 grown). He was 40 and had none of his own. I made it plain from the beginning that I was NOT having another child. I gave him the choice of staying with me or finding someone else that would want to carry his child. He’s an awesome step father and would have been an even better dad but I knew when I was through child rearing. Most women do. If she doesn’t want a child, there’s no way she should have one. Selfish or not. She would forever be resentful at the husband and even the child.

Hey, World Traveler...

March 13th, 2012
12:50 pm

…where’s my violin – that is the problem with wanting, and getting, a trophy wife…suck it up big boy…

K's Mom

March 13th, 2012
12:57 pm

@former stepkid, you are right, it is a complex situation, but it need not be difficult. That being said EVERYONE has to do their part, including the child. For children, that means being respectful and following reasonable house rules. For step parents that means trying to build a bridge with the step child in any reasonable way necessary. For the bio parent, that means demanding respect for their spouse and their children if either one is treating the other badly. Our situation is difficult because mt husband’s child decided he had to choose between her and us. When he let his child know that he and I were going to stay married she chose to take a hike. He still sees her fairly often,but for meals and outings away from the house. It sucks for him, but she has what she wants, daddy all to herself. At this point, even though it hurts like hell that my husband’s child chose to reject me and our kid, it is easier to have less drama in the house. I believe this would have happened one way or another, child or not and again it hurts.

All of that said, having been in the poster’s husband’s position of trying to parent a stepchild as my own and having no children of my own, I can completely understand his desire to raise his own child. Again, only therapy and time will heal this situation either way.

motherjanegoose

March 13th, 2012
12:57 pm

@ Hey… a trophy wife is someone who works graveyard shift after nursing school…WOW…I guess I really missed the definition. I thought they were the ones who went to the gym, hairdresser, nail salon, the mall and enrichment classes all on their hubby’s dime and needed someone to foot the bill for them to look very attractive and be a wonderful wife. Guess I am WRONG. Won’t be the first time!

FCM

March 13th, 2012
1:00 pm

“I assumed he was with me in not wanting to start over”

There is the problem… Assume it makes an @$$ out of you and me….

Gotta communicate and talk.

Sounds more like Grey’s Anantomy to me though.

Tonya C.

March 13th, 2012
1:01 pm

Wow. I’m glad my husband and I have been together since my son was a baby. I think having been there since he was so young gave him a totally different perspective than what I am reading here for the most part. He is the only father my son knows, and I know that makes things substantially different.

TWG, I will pray for the reader. I have never seen these situations end well, but I’d love to be proven wrong this time.