How not to sleep with a child: (Funny) diagrams

Do you recognize any of these sleep positions?

Do you recognize any of these sleep positions? (Illustrations from www.howtobeadad.com)

My husband ran across this compilation of diagrams of parents sleeping with babies on Facebook. (The original diagrams ran on separate blog posts on www.howtobeadad.com. Here’s a link to the posts by Andy Herald and Charlie Capen about the sleep positions.)

We definitely recognize several of these sleep positions.

Our 4-year-old climbs into bed with us when she’s cold or scared, and we are quite used to sleeping with feet in our backs. She puts herself to sleep by digging her toes into your back or hip. It does not feel good. A few years ago I noticed a giant bruise on my hip and couldn’t figure out what it was from. I finally put it together – it was from her toes digging into me.

Walsh was always a horizontal sleeper. Top of the bed, bottom of the bed, he was always sideways.

The dads have some other funny – if slightly gross — diagrams on their blog such as types of diaper loads.

They also include quotes from their wives – such as “I thought we agreed you wouldn’t discuss your nipples in public?”

Check out their site and see what you think. Do you recognize any of these baby/parent sleep positions?

55 comments Add your comment

[...] Atlanta Journal Constitution (blog) [...]

catlady

January 30th, 2012
6:20 am

My kids were allowed to sleep with us twice; both times were when the power was out and it was terribly cold. Once the cord was severed, it was every person to their own bed.

Ally

January 30th, 2012
6:54 am

We bought our bed when we had a smaller house and no children, hence a queen sized. I never felt comfortable sleeping with them when they were babies, so it almost never happened unless we were desperate. As kids, they could come in if they had a bad nightmare, and not even all the time. Just too many people in one bed for my taste. Felt too much like the grandparents in the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. If my husband is out of town, sometimes I’ll let one sleep with me as a treat, but that’s it (especially since one is a kicker).

Sam the Sham

January 30th, 2012
7:01 am

Sleeping with small babies is one of the most hazardous things a parent can do. Co sleeping is responsible for large numbers of baby deaths and should be avoided rather than joked about.

mom2alex&max

January 30th, 2012
7:29 am

Beyond the first few weeks after they were born, our babies never slept with us. Our bed is ours. The door is closed. If there is a problem, they knock and we go deal with it in their bedrooms. If they are sick, lonely, or scared we stayed with them in their beds for a little while till they fall asleep again. I gave up massive amounts of sleep when they were babies, right now they need to be in their own bedrooms on their own beds and dad and I need our time and our sleep!

While I can respect that the “family bed” works for some people, I will personally NEVER understand it.

motherjanegoose

January 30th, 2012
8:22 am

No babies in the bed here. Y’all have a great day!

Augusta

January 30th, 2012
8:24 am

Once every third blue moon one of them will crawl in bed with us.

Every so often, we will all pile into our bed and watch a scary movie……usually during winter, when it’s cold, and we all snuggle up…..

But they never slept with us when they were babies, except the first night with the new one at home.

I have the most beautiful pictures from when each of my kids were born. The first picture is me and hubby and our new baby, all in the hospital bed. When the second one was born, all four of us were in the the bed, etc…..you should see the last picture of all 6 of us trying to fit in a hospital bed.

Figment

January 30th, 2012
8:34 am

My 4 year old tries to crawl in bed with me when he wakes up at night. I just give him cuddles and put him back to sleep in his own bed. Not enough room in the bed for another person. Sometimes I let him stay if it’s the weekend and I’m about it get up anyway. He had his own bed for a reason.

homeschooler

January 30th, 2012
8:39 am

The first thing I have to say about the diagrams is that they should be titled “how not to sleep with a CHILD”. Baby is misleading and although I think Sam (above) is over reacting a bit, I thought about co-sleeping with and infant and was wondering why the diagrams were funny.

Having said that, I slept with both my babies until they were 3 months then transitioned them easily into their crib. I knew the cord was cut but just had the feeling that to go from snug inside to all alone in a crib was such a shock, I thought they would adjust better with a transition. Even knowing what I know now, I can say that it just worked for me. I do not think my kids were at risk. I kept them away from fluffy bedding and we have a firm mattress. Also, I can not relate to loss of sleep. Even in the early days, my babies went to sleep easily and only woke up about once a night to feed. I truly got plenty of sleep.
I work baby death cases often and someday when I have more time I would love to be involved in a study on this. In my experience, true co-sleeping deaths tend to happen when the parent is impaired, extremely overweight or a teenager. Other cultures always sleep with their babies. Are thier “co-sleeping” rates higher. How many babies who die of co-sleeping would have died in their crib of SIDS. I hate when I see co-sleeping on an autopsy report. “Co-sleeping did not kill the child. Suffication..etc.. did. We see results like “SIDS and co-sleeping”. Well which is it? As a dfcs worker I always warn my client of the dangers of co-sleeping but I still think it’s a personal choice.

Ooops… this wasn’t about co-sleeping was it.

I can’t relate to the family bed. Once my kids transitioned at around 3 months, they slept fine in their own beds.

I always let them crawl in bed if they have a nightmare. One does this more than the other. We have definitely had numerous nights over the years with kids in the bed but we have a king size bed and the kids are not restless sleepers. Just hasn’t been a problem.

It becomes a problem is the parents are bothered by it. And you have to be honest with youself. If you really kinda wish they were sleeping in thier own bed, you should probably do something about it. Mine have had short bursts of time when they like to lay in bed with my husband (he goes to bed before me). We would let them do so if we thought they needed to get over some fear etc… but as soon as it started bothering me, i said, enough. (for example, there were a couple of occasions when I would come home from work (12am) and would sleep in one of the kid’s bed because mine was taken. That didn’t last long.

JOD

January 30th, 2012
8:46 am

@homeschooler – I agree with you. DD napped with me from time to time as a baby with no issues. If she so much as wiggled, I was awake.

Now she tries to get in bed with us from time to time, but she is so wiggly that she inevitably ends up back in her own bed (either she wants to go or I make her go!).

I think the pictures are pretty funny, especially the one where it looks like the baby is patting the parents’ backs :o)

Me

January 30th, 2012
8:51 am

No kids ever in our bed either — Have never understood why this is allowed especially as the kids get older… You 4-year-old still gets into the bed with you guys? Geez.

homeschooler

January 30th, 2012
8:57 am

Mine are 8 and 11. To me a 4 yr old is still a baby. I’d never turn my four year old away from the bed unless sleeping there was becoming a habit.

If it is becomming a habit, I suggest letting them sleep on the floor next to the bed. I never did this but have friends who had great success with it.

K's mom

January 30th, 2012
9:10 am

My little guy came home from the hospital and we did put him in a bassinet at the foot or to the side of our bed for about a month and it has been his bed ever since. I pray that this second one is as easy to transition.

ABC

January 30th, 2012
9:15 am

No family bed here either. Our son can climb in with us on weekend mornings when we don’t have to get up early and if he gets scared during a thunderstorm, but otherwise he’s snug as a bug in a rug in his own bed and has been for 9 years.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

January 30th, 2012
10:44 am

I did change the headlines to child — this isn’t really a co-sleeping with a baby discussion — it’s more about older kids kicking you in the back.

Penguinmom

January 30th, 2012
10:52 am

Our kids are allowed to sleep in our room occasionally… on the floor. It is better for everyone if we get a good night’s sleep so there are not grumpy parents the next day.

I will sometimes allow my youngest to sleep in the bed early in the morning if my husband leaves early but that is only for a couple of hours. Plus, he is still small enough to not take up the whole bed. If he starts wiggling around too much, he knows he is out.

But.....

January 30th, 2012
10:56 am

The illustration clearly shows a baby.

Your incongruent remarks, along with removal of any posts critical of your absurd discourse is disappointing. If you can’t take the criticism, then don’t post anything. Find a new hobby. Find a real job.

[...] Atlanta Journal Constitution (blog) [...]

Betty

January 30th, 2012
11:26 am

I think the photos are hilarious! And I can relate. I have one that wants to sleep in my bed constantly. She used to move around too much after sneaking in and I would be sore from elbows and feet in my back the next morning. After kicking her out several times, she has now started tiptoeing in without making any noise and staying all the way over on the other side of the bed so I don’t even know she’s there until I wake up and find her the next morning.

Fred

January 30th, 2012
11:55 am

Those were funny. Although our daughter has replaced the “H’ with an “N” lately………

catlady

January 30th, 2012
12:25 pm

Letting a child sleep with you is (IMHO) the equivalent of giving them heroin. Not morally, you understand, but talk to parents who have a kid in their bed at least once a week, and how hard it is to break the addiction. Never start what you don’t plan to continue!

My first child came home from the hospital and went straight into her crib in her room. My second and third stayed in a bassinette in our room for a few weeks, then to their cribs. They never saw sleeping with us as an option. It worked for us.

Stacey

January 30th, 2012
12:28 pm

My son slept with us quite a bit when he was younger and his favorite positions on the lists were the snow angel and the “N” position that Fred mentioned. That one usually involved his head being on my face and his feet in his dad’s kidney. His most frequent position was the one we called break dancing because he thoughout the course of the night he would make several circles while on his back and it wasn’t unusual for one of us to wake up with a toe in our nose. Funny thing is, he’s about to turn 11, is my size and barely acknowledges that we share a house. We long for that rough sleeping toddler some days now.

SingleMommie

January 30th, 2012
12:42 pm

My child has slept with me just about every single night, since my divorce. I think it’s me, missing someone else in the bed with me. I don’t like sleeping alone. Not at all…..so my baby sleeps with me. She’s 6………And I just love waking up in the middle of the night, and seeing her sleeping so contently……I just can’t stand putting her in her own bed…..

ssidawg

January 30th, 2012
12:43 pm

The pictures are hilarious but I really hope our almost-three year old never sleeps with us.

Betty

January 30th, 2012
1:00 pm

@catlady….Really? Heroin? I guess I could lock my bedroom door so that she can’t get into my room at night, Or spank her the next morning when I wake up and find her there, but I think there are a lot of other parenting mistakes I’ve made that are worst than letting her sneak into my bed at times. And, even those aren’t as bad as giving her heroin……

Augusta

January 30th, 2012
1:21 pm

@Betty – REALLY? Do you think Catlady really gave her kids heroin?

Tig

January 30th, 2012
1:25 pm

We’ve occasionally let our daughter (now in 1st grade) crawl into bed with us to snuggle, but that was in the mornings only, and with the way she has always slept, the “snow angels” and “jazz hands” is still an appropriate depiction of her even now, no matter where she sleeps, lol.

My husband found that diagram a few weeks back and thought it was absolutely hilarious, but he said the only one that was missing was what he and another dad-friend had dubbed the “exorcist” where the child manages to gradually spin around in a circle while completely asleep.

Fred

January 30th, 2012
1:31 pm

@Augusta: LOL that was funny (1:21).

oneofeach4me

January 30th, 2012
1:40 pm

The one labeled “baby trap” is exactly why I was against co-sleeping from the beginning (amongst other reasons). The only time the kids have every slept in our bed is when dad was out of town, we were watching a movie and all fell asleep there. Now that I think about it, I believe I woke up in the middle of the night and carried them to their beds because I got tired of being kicked! Our bed is for us, and our relationship as a couple is just as important as our relationship with out kids.

I do remember though that my son, when he was about 4, had a habit of dragging his comforter and his pillow into my room and he would just fall back to sleep in our floor next to my side of the bed. He never tried to wake us up; never attempted to crawl in the bed; just fell asleep in the floor.

oneofeach4me

January 30th, 2012
1:48 pm

Sorry for all the typos today! Baby *booby, out *our

Lori

January 30th, 2012
1:49 pm

I’ve got mine trained. My son gets leg pains a lot. When he was younger he’d climb into bed with us and we’d rub his legs until he goes to sleep. But I can’t sleep if anyone is touching me. Luckily we have a king sized bed. But my son knows to snuggle up with Daddy (who can sleep anywhere, anytime, in any position). He knows if he strays onto my side of the bed that he is getting taken back to his own bed. Usually he’ll stick a pillow between himself and me so he doesn’t accidentally touch me.

Now, my little one is still a baby, so no way does he sleep with us, too dangerous. We may hold him in bed until he falls asleep if he wakes during the night, but I always put him in his own bed.

Figment

January 30th, 2012
3:22 pm

My son always wakes me up when he comes in my room. Not always on purpose but I usually wake up when he tries to sneak in to bed with me. He gets sent back to his room and I tuck him back in his bed. I move around a lot at night and need the space to move, plus letting him stay is like giving him a pass to do it every night and that’s not gonna fly with me.

jarvis

January 30th, 2012
3:38 pm

I used to have the similar issues when I dated a little person.

Gtmom

January 30th, 2012
4:24 pm

Thank goodness I could sleep with my baby when I went back to work. He never learned to take a bottle so we had to feed at night. I learned to sleept through the feedings.

JATL

January 30th, 2012
5:13 pm

I almost go into panic when our 3 year old climbs in bed with us. He has to be taken back to his bed immediately -and then you wonder if you’re in for several more bedroom to bedroom trips! If he’s allowed to stay in our bed, he never goes back to sleep. We have the hair stroker, the flip-flopper and the “at your feet in a rolling ball” bed mate with him. Of course sometimes he just enjoys kicking. We were put through a night of sheer hell in a motel on the way to visit inlaws this past summer. In an effort to get him to sleep, we gave him half a Dramamine, and it kept him up all night long! We took turns being kicked. NO co-sleeping here -ever! It’s torture!

[...] on. If you thought that was the end of it, check out the comments in response to these images on Mamania. Anything but light, the readers there think co-sleeping is the same as giving a baby [...]

FCM

January 30th, 2012
6:01 pm

I didn’t see the one where Mom leaves the room to sleep someplace else. That is the one most often done at our house. I have a “kicker” and one who insists her butt be on you at all times. They are both bed hogs who sleep diagonally. Drives me crazy!

Soccer Milf

January 30th, 2012
7:25 pm

I am on so much valium i have no idea who is in bed withme!

itpdude

January 30th, 2012
9:13 pm

I’d oppose co sleeping babies except it increases baby deaths.

Christina

January 30th, 2012
9:19 pm

The only times my children ever slept in my bed is when I fell asleep breastfeeding them. That was MY choice, NOT thiers. Put your kid back to bed. No means no. And “Single Mommie”, who sleeps with her 6 year old because she misses someone in bed with her, really? You need help. Get some NOW before your kid needs help too.

[...] Atlanta Journal Constitution (blog) [...]

Michael Jackson

January 30th, 2012
9:24 pm

Its crazy dealing with kids in the bedroom. Thats whyI used Jesus Juice

Not in my Bed

January 30th, 2012
9:29 pm

When I married my husband, his three children, ages 8, 7 and 5 were still sleeping in the bed with his ex and when they visited him, they all slept in the bed with Daddy too. Our first months of married life involved Daddy falling asleep on the floor each night in the youngest’s room whenever they came to visit. The alternative was school-age children shrieking and crying in the hallway outside our room. Eventually, they became able to sleep on their own, but now, as teenagers (high school age), they sleep with all the lights on and surrounded by pillows because they are afraid of the dark and monsters. I don’t know if that’s related to their co-sleeping from birth to age 8, but to my mind, it’s unwise to raise children who are unable to sleep on their own most of the time (thunderstorms and nightmares are exceptions). There is such a thing as too much nurturing and it is detrimental to a child’s normal development.

nurse&mother

January 30th, 2012
9:42 pm

Sam the Sham, do you have statistics to back up your argument? (VERY doubtful). check out Dr. James McKenna who has done sleep studies on mothers/babies at Notre Dame’s sleep lab. I heard him speak several years ago. You are spreading misinformation. The only time it is dangerous to cosleep is when the parent is either obese, intoxicated or cosleeping somewhere besides a bed (recliner, sofa). Educate yourself.

Charlie

January 30th, 2012
10:07 pm

Dear All,

Thank you for witnessing the “atrocity” that is our collection of Sleep Positions. Yes, we certainly meant for these to be instructional, scientific and most definitely stand by our decision to frighten/dissuade you from co-sleeping with these sobering, brutal depictions. As we all know, parents are meant to sleep at least 4 blocks away from their children. There is nothing funny about our website. We are here to help. We are the experts here. Please accept our condolences for the death of your sense of humor.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Charlie Capen
http://www.HowToBeADad.com

PS: Sam the Sham, “Sleeping with small babies is one of the most hazardous things a parent can do.” Actually, bungee jumping while intoxicated with your child in your arms is one of the most hazardous things you can do. Just a thought.

mom2alex&max

January 30th, 2012
10:07 pm

nurse&mother: it is also not advised if any of the parents is a smoker, even when they don’t smoke in the house.

[...] Atlanta Journal Constitution (blog) [...]

[...] Atlanta Journal Constitution (blog) [...]

Jill Jelly

January 31st, 2012
12:48 am

I was drunk and sleepin with my baby. I woke up to find I had I pased out ontop of her and she died. I will love her five-ever (dat mean I love her moar than forever).

William

January 31st, 2012
3:11 am

There were a few years when our kids were pre-schoolers when they’d come and sleep with us. Sometimes I’d end up on one of the kid’s beds and they’d sleep with my wife. We then put a mattress at the foot of our bed, that worked well. Eventually the kids stopped waking up in the night. It all happened very gradually and now, as 1st and 3rd graders they are “normal”… though my wife and I now kind of miss the old days, .