A mom has left us a call for help on the AJC Momania Facebook page, and I wanted to try to get suggestions for her.
Many of you have “adult” children and know how hard it is to intervene and help as they get older. I am certain this mother is not the first one to face these issues.
Here is what she wrote on the Facebook page:
“Here’s my situation. My daughter who is 19 1/2 is living with me. It’s been two years. Anyway she has her boyfriend living here also. He is a nice guy but does not do anything. It’s been 3 months. I’m so proud of her. She works and goes to school but her choice in this guy is crazy. I have not been the best mom and she tells me that. I can’t see why she does not see all the fights are about this boy. It’s not about her. I want them to move out but they just don’t listen to my rules. I think (I know he is doing illegal stuff to get money. The nice place we have is falling apart. I Feel guilty because I am a drug addict trying to stay clean. I feel guilty because she feels so bad. I think it would be better if we part ways. She is always welcome back, but she has to follow my rules. Why can’t I do it? Should I seek professional help? Please help falling apart.”
I think there are many common issues here that other families have probably dealt with:
– The lazy boyfriend/son-in-law – How do you convince your daughter she deserves more than he is offering her? How do you convince him to work and share the financial weight and home responsibilities?
– The adult kids not living by the parent’s rules – how do you make them follow the rules of the house? What leverage do you have?
– How do you even get them to leave? You don’t want to call the cops on your own children. Move their stuff out and change locks while they are away?
– How do you love and support your adult child while you don’t agree with their decisions?
– How do you teach them from your mistakes? The mom writes that she is former drug addict and doesn’t want her daughter or herself to be in that type of environment.
What is your advice for this mom? You are welcome to respond here or on the Facebook page. If you need help with an issue at home, please feel to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or leave us a note on Facebook.