TV reality mom Michelle Duggar recently miscarried in the sixth month of pregnancy. She announced that she plans to name the baby as well as hold a funeral.
I know many people feel strongly about the Duggars choosing to have so many kids but I don’t really want this to be about beating up on the Duggars. (They’ve just lost a baby for goodness sake!) I wanted to discuss the ideas of naming a baby that you have lost and on holding a funeral.
“The risk of miscarrying in the first trimester is 15 percent, according to Dr. George Macones, an OB-GYN at Washington University in St. Louis but in the second, it drops to just one or two percent. Conceptually, at least, it would seem that the farther along you are in a pregnancy physically, the more difficult it would be to cope with the loss emotionally. But studies don’t support that assertion.”
“Women themselves will say, ‘How can a loss at 20-plus weeks be the same as a loss at six weeks?’” said Emma Robertson Blackmore, an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Rochester Medical Center who has studied moods during pregnancy, post-partum depression and the effects of miscarrying. “But research says the level of symptoms and impairment is the same.”
“Though Duggar was six months along, the move on her part to name the child and hold a funeral service is both common and even beneficial, according to Robertson Blackmore.”
“Some women just can’t bear the thought of doing either. The shock is so much that they’re almost in denial, whereas others feel it’s very important to recognize the baby. A name literally names it. They can really let the grief process take its normal course,” she said.”
My mother had a miscarriage very early in her second pregnancy. I believe they just took the fetus away and that was it. My brother had been born about a year earlier with a congenital heart problem and was very ill. I think she had to keep her focus on the baby that was alive and needed her help.
To my knowledge I haven’t had a miscarriage. I think if I were six-months along I absolutely would want to name the baby and hold the baby and have a burial for the baby.
If you’ve had a miscarriage how have you handled it? Is there a point in the pregnancy where it becomes more important to see, hold, name and bury the baby?