Can the babysitter bring her boyfriend along?

I called five different girls last week trying to find a babysitter for Saturday night but to no avail.

The last girl I asked I had never used before at home but she’s kept Lilina before in a group childcare setting. So I texted her to ask if there was any chance she could sit. She texted back, would it be OK if she brought along her boyfriend? I would only have to pay her, she added.

I have to say the boyfriend along is a deal breaker for me.  I asked Michael what he thought and he said not only is it not OK for her to bring her boyfriend, he said he didn’t want her to ever sit because he thinks that reflects bad judgment on the girl’s part.

I texted back that while it would be more fun to have the boyfriend come along, I wasn’t comfortable with that. I wrote the kids moved fast and needed her full attention.

I’m not worried about the sitter fooling around sexually in my house – although maybe I should be. I’m worried about her laughing with him while a kid is hanging from the bunk bed ladder or taking a bath.

Now a second question: Is a boyfriend more of a problem than just a friend coming along?

I do think a girl would be more attentive with a friend than with a boyfriend in the house. However, I would prefer neither be brought along. Now when we had a longtime sitter spend the night one night I asked that she bring a friend along for support and we paid both of them. For regular sitting jobs though I think the friend would be a distraction as well.

So I am wondering how you guys feel about the boyfriend bring along? Would you allow it? Would you be worried about the boyfriend as a distraction or the fooling around issue? Would you question her judgment for even asking? What are your babysitter standards when you’re desperate to leave your house? (We haven’t been out alone I think since last spring. We need some alone time!)

What’s a deal breaker with a babysitter? Blue streaks in the hair, smoking in general – not necessarily in your house, drinking Red Bull as she’s walking in to sit,  telling you she stayed out late last night (the need for the Red Bull), the boyfriend dropping her off or dropping by??

75 comments Add your comment

Claire

November 15th, 2011
4:13 am

That’s incredibly judgmental. You would not allow a babysitter to watch your children because she has blue streaks in her hair? Really?

I’ll go ahead and say the boyfriend joining depends on the situation. If it were a babysitter I had been using for a while, I knew her well, I spoke with her enough to know about her personal life and had previously heard about her boyfriend, know anything about him, then more than likely I wouldn’t mind. When I used to babysit for a family of three children,(ages 6, 7 and 9, with the 7 year old several years developmentally delayed), the family did not mind if my boyfriend joined. In fact, they encouraged it. The kids loved playing ball with him outside.

Now, in the particular circumstance in your example, I would not be okay with it. Mostly because I do not know a whole lot about the girl and how she interacts with the kids when she is alone, or how the kids feel about her, so if the boyfriend were to join I would be even more clueless as to what to expect. But no, I definitely would not cross her off the list for simply asking a question… at least she asked, instead of just bringing him or sneaking him in. I think instead of poor judgment it actually showed great judgment for knowing some families would not be okay with it.

Again, whether it would be different with a friend than it would be with a boyfriend depends on the girl and how well you know her.

Question for YOU: what if your babysitter were a lesbian? Would she be allowed to bring her girlfriend, assuming you allow just a platonic friend? (Then again, I have a feeling if you have a problem with some of the things listed above then you would have a problem with having a homosexual babysitter).

As for everything else you listed, absolutely not a deal breaker for anything. Her boyfriend dropping her off?! What would be wrong with that? Drinking a red bull? Doesn’t the majority of our culture drink coffee on a daily basis? I know several “adults” who can’t go a day without a couple diet cokes… is that different? If she smokes, but not at my house, and not around my kids, then that’s her choice. Do any of your kids’ friends’ parents smoke? Are they allowed at their homes?

Most important thing- know your babysitter. Simple as that.

malleesmom

November 15th, 2011
5:35 am

easy answer – NO. Do you bring a friend to work? The sitter is being paid to do a job not visit/socialize. I was a very busy sitter (years and years ago). First rule was no friends.

Jeff

November 15th, 2011
5:58 am

It’s a different day and time, but no. No company. I’m paying you to watch my child, not socialize. She has texting, so that should be good enough.

Anj

November 15th, 2011
6:14 am

Bring a (boy/girl) friend along?
Issue 1) Security
Hey sure! Just give me their name, SSN and fingerprints in advance so I can run a background check on them.

Issue 2) Priorities
If the sitter wanted to have fun with their friend, then they should go do it! However, if they are being paid to do a job, then they should act as if the job is their first and only priority.

One situation I would consider appropriate to bring a friend along is if you had a special needs child and wanted to see if a potential sitter felt comfortable with them. (In that case, you should be paying them for their time.)

shaggy

November 15th, 2011
6:30 am

Wow! I got to hand it to the sitter’s honesty.
In my day telling the mom/dad that a boy would be there was the last thing you wanted your girlfriend/sitter to do. That would have totally ruined the “sneak”, and yes, we “boyfriends” would have been sneaking and looking for any “entertainment” we could get our grubby, sex-fixated, teenage hands on…most sitter/girlfriends were eager to help.
I mean, come on…your girlfriend is sitting in a big house, with brats to supposedly watch, no adults…that is the stuff teenage legends are made of.

mom2alex&max

November 15th, 2011
6:49 am

It depends. I used a sitter that was older (past college) and I told her she could ring the boyfriend. I figured she was old enough to know better than to fool around with her boyfriend instead of watching the kids.

But if I didn’t know her very well, probably not.

catlady

November 15th, 2011
6:56 am

All of the above would be deal breakers with me. I agree with Michael. I’d also probably talk to her parents, unless she was over 18.

Me

November 15th, 2011
7:10 am

Call it judgemental if you wish, but it’s our house and our kids, ergo, our judgement — and the answer would be a resounding no, not with someone not already known and fully trusted. Hell, even then I would probably say no.

HB

November 15th, 2011
7:33 am

I’m with Michael — to even ask, especially when she hasn’t sat for you before, shows bad judgement. For me, that’s more of a red flag than what that might happen while the bf is there. Blue hair and Red Bull — no problem. Staying out late the night before — depends. If she was simply out late, that’s no big deal, but if she appears to be running on little to no sleep or is hung over, that’s a problem. Basically, babysitting is a job, and if a sitter doesn’t act professionally, you should find another one.

Sunny

November 15th, 2011
7:40 am

I applaud the young lady for having sense enough to ASK if the boyfriend could come along, however, it shows lack of judgement for a new family that she has never sat for. Now the question in my mind is if the boyfriend isn’t allowed to tag along, would she spend the majority of her time texting/talking to him and not properly supervising the children.

My suggestion would be to use a website with accountability like http://www.sittercity.com or to trade off with another family in the neighborhood until you find a suitable sitter. Our neighbor and I take each other’s kids once a month so that the adults can have alone time, even if we never leave the house.

motherjanegoose

November 15th, 2011
7:53 am

No

TWG…ask around at Liliana’ s preschool maybe that would work. Unless this is what you have already done? I am curious…we once talked about babysitter’s pay…what is the rate in AZ for three kids now? Is it similar to what you paid here?

Good thing I do not have to hire folks as blue hair would be on my NO list too.

I once shopped at TJ Maxx and was checked out by a guy with blue nail polish. That would be on my NO list too. I like all kinds of people but presentation is important to me. I do not like blue nail polish on girls either or for that matter raging blue eye shadow…haha!

pws…I e-mailed you and Valstake ( after TWG sent your e-mail) and have not heard back from you. I enjoyed hearing from Valstake and would like to hear from you too.

Techie

November 15th, 2011
8:02 am

Heck no!
What is wrong with kids where they think such a request is even okay? She’s there to watch your children, not play kissy face with the boyfriend.

Figment

November 15th, 2011
8:08 am

I agree with Michael on this. Blue hair doesn’t bother me, nor the boyfriend dropping them off, but they are there to do a job not socialize.

@MJG – I like my blue nail polish! But I change colors a lot. I saw a lady at the store the other night with all her business hanging out, I would have much preferred blue hair or polish!

iRun

November 15th, 2011
8:08 am

I’m totally with Claire on this one. It really just depends on how well I know the sitter. And it might be age dependent. For instance, I think it’s probably safer if the sitter is college aged. Also, it could be the boyfriend is actually there to co-sit, play with the boys, etc.

I’ve also had boy sitters, neighbor’s sons. But my son is 10 and if it’s just a couple of hours we don’t get a sitter at all. He’s knows the rules and follows them, has an emergency plan, etc. And we usually tell our neighbor (they do the same).

Mrs. G

November 15th, 2011
8:08 am

I remember when I was in 10th grade, I baby-sat very regularly for a family in our neighborhood. One time my dad’s best friend from college was visiting from out of town with his boys (I think that they were 11 and 9) and the 11-year-old wanted to come along and play with the kids. The mom was okay with it, but the dad said absolutely not because he was a boy! He seemed totally convinced that, at 15, I was going to seduce an 11-year-old boy in his house while watching his kids. I remember laughing about it with my friends because, when you are 15 and in high school, the last thing you want to do is hook up with a fifth or sixth grader.

The polar opposite was my experience in college – I baby-sat for new neighbors while they went out of town for a weekend (so, I stayed overnight and everything). I barely knew them, but my mom was good friends with them (their youngest son was the same age as my brother, so they had regular playdates). They were totally fine with my boyfriend coming over and spending time with me and the boys (I didn’t even have to ask – they just said that they were okay with it! Maybe they realized that, if a 19-year-old girl was going to be baby-sitting, it was to their advantage to have her not feel like she had to sneak around? Not that I would have, but you know). We all had a lot of fun – we went to the pool and to a little festival near their house. And the oldest boy (11) absolutely idolized my boyfriend – you should have seen him talking cars with him, ha. :)

As far as bringing a female friend along goes, I see nothing wrong with it. When I was younger (mid to late 90s), my best friend and I had a “baby-sitting service” in our neighborhood – we advertised with flyers and everything (can you tell that we were avid Baby-Sitters Club readers?). ;) 90% of the time, we would go to the “jobs” together and I really think that the kids benefitted from having an extra baby-sitter to pay attention to them. It was good because one of us could make dinner and the other could play with the kids. It meant extra supervision in the bath and it made it easier to put the kids to bed!

I think that, overall, it all depends on the baby-sitter and her/his character and how well you know her/him and trust them.

Oh yeah…honestly, I don’t know that I would question the baby-sitter’s judgment for asking about the boyfriend – at least she didn’t NOT ask and then just have the boyfriend over, right? I think that it was responsible of her to ask and find out where you stand so that she knows the rules rather than guessing at them.

UnYawn

November 15th, 2011
8:12 am

Kudos for sticking to your guns on saying “no.” Bad call on the sitter even asking with new family. My fiance is a full-time nanny and part-time babysitter. Her and I have worked together with children through our church for over three years now. There have been times during our relationship when both of us have been asked to sit some of the kids outside of church. We only agree to do so with the following parameter in place AND understood by the parents: Her and I are strictly business when it comes to watching your kids. No PDA, No flirting, No Nothing. and that means No even after the kids go to bed. We are getting paid as a team (the same rate as her by herself) to do a job. PERIOD. When we get out of the car and knock on a family’s door, it’s business. When we get back in the car and leave, the job is done.

One thing that makes a big difference is the maturity level of the the prospective sitter. As we all know age and maturity are two different things. But let’s be honest, you put a 16 to 21 year old couple together and what usually happens these days? Answer: More kids for someone else to keep.

I will say that I have babysat with my but there are strict parameters:
1. When sitting kids together, it is strictly business.

madmommy(not really mad)

November 15th, 2011
8:12 am

I don’t think we would ever allow a boyfriend to come along to sit, but we do tell our sitter that she can bring a friend along. Our daughter goes to bed around 8-8:30pm and when she gets to our house to sit she only has to play with her for maybe an hour at the most until she is in bed, so it makes sense to us that she bring a friend along for something to do. I would sit for us if I was able to because it is super easy, one sitter said she felt guilty for taking money becuase the job is always so easy.

When I babysat I never had friends over or used the phone to call people while I was there. I was more concerned with the kids and making sure they were happy and had a good time so their parents would ask me to sit again for them. I used to get paid extra if I wore them out so they would sleep in the next morning. :-) Guess times are different now, but sitters should still know that we set the rules and they should be followed to the T.

motherjanegoose

November 15th, 2011
8:17 am

I know it is silly for me to not like blue nail polish but that is just me. As I said, it is a good thing I am not hiring people. I was at a school once, where the teacher squatted down to help her children and I saw a tatoo when her pants came down in the back and her shirt up. She was a very nice teacher but I did not care for the obvious tatoo display near her fanny….especially with young children. Just being honest here. Not my business if and where she has the tatoo AT ALL.

motherjanegoose

November 15th, 2011
8:20 am

I DO think the age and maturity factor would play a strong role as to who can come to sit. If you had a 25 year old, that would be WAY different than a 14 year old. Then,I might be o.k. with it.

JJ

November 15th, 2011
8:26 am

MJG – then you won’t like me, because I wear blue toenail polish. Guess I won’t be allowed in your home either huh?

Damn that Opi nail color…..

Anj

November 15th, 2011
8:29 am

I LOLed at the blue hair question. My son’s Special Ed teacher has taste in clothes and hair that isn’t exactly mainstream and she’s a helluva teacher.

Smoking? No. Two reasons. First – unless the smoker is planning on not smoking AT ALL during the job, it’s a deal breaker. Smokers gotta smoke and that’s time they won’t be supervising the children – unless the kids are asleep and the smoker is outside. Second – role models. My mother didn’t smoke in sight of my children for almost ten years. It’s one thing to “not smoke around the kids”. It’s another thing to “not even let your kids see someone they love smoke”. That’s REAL love!

Now that my children are older, we can talk about drugs, addictions and why grandma goes outside for a little while.

Tig

November 15th, 2011
8:33 am

If I knew both of them and was comfortable with both of them as well as if they were both friendly with my child/children, I might be okay with it. But it wouldn’t be something that I would just casually agree with. Also, the age of the sitter would be a big factor as well.

ABC

November 15th, 2011
8:34 am

TWG, what do you mean your kids move fast? Sorry, but you have two elementary kids and a preschooler. The way you talk about them you’d think you had 2-year-old triplets who certainly would be a challenge for any sitter. Clearly your kids have taken over your home. Why do a 10 and 8-year old (I think those are the ages of your two older ones) need the “full attention” of a sitter. Unless they are challenged in some way, which I don’t think they are since you’ve never mentioned it, kids in that age range should be able to do things on their own and be out of sight of a guardian for at least a few minutes without needing to be chased down.

motherjanegoose

November 15th, 2011
8:38 am

JJ…I can enjoy visiting with different types of people but hiring them would be another story. My daughter has worn black and purple toe nail polish and has had friends over with various colors of OPI but I am not hiring them to represent me…we are just visiting. If she is working for me, she is not wearing black/purple or blue FINGER NAIL polish. She can’t wear it to her job either.
Exception…anyone who loves dogs and who our dog loves can have any color hair/makeup or nail polish they will do a good job watching our dog…that is perfect…haha!

NikNak

November 15th, 2011
8:38 am

Dealbreaker for sure, but I disagree with Michael. I don’t think it shows bad judgement on her part at all. She probably had plans with her boyfriend that night and she was considering breaking them to sit for you. While I don’t think he should come along, I don’t think it speaks to her character for asking you if he could come over.

RJ

November 15th, 2011
8:44 am

That was bad judgement on the babysitters part. Even being a babysitter requires some level of professionalism. I would be concerned if a child at that age even made such a request. I’d probably want to talk to the parents. Are they aware that their 14 year old is dating and wants to bring the boyfriend along to babysit? Her hair color or nail color wouldn’t bother me at all. I used to love to wear purple nail polish when I was that age. I even sprayed purple in my hair. Who cares? But the question about babysitting with a boyfriend, that would be a NOT!

K's mom

November 15th, 2011
8:57 am

I am with Michael on this one…bad judgement on her part to bring it up. I babysat all thorugh High School and even some in my single life and part of the reason people used me is because I put their kids first and left my social life behind for the evening.

I babysat for friends that I had know since I was a child when I was still single and about 32 years old. They told me I could bring my boyfriend since their infant would be asleep the entire time I would be there, but we had all hung out socially and it was their suggestion not my request. I did not bring him though, because I thought it was better not to.

NAGA

November 15th, 2011
9:04 am

“I’m not worried about the sitter fooling around sexually in my house – although maybe I should be.”

You are clueless. If the boyfriend comes over to the house, there is a 99% probability that they will have sex. It is never okay for the boyfriend of the babysitter to come over.

motherjanegoose

November 15th, 2011
9:09 am

Also…our dog groomer is an older woman…like me. She is excellent with dogs and we were recommended to her by my son’s college room mate’s mom. We have been going in there for a few years. She now has all sorts of people in there with various hairdos, piercings etc. I stay with her as I know she does a wonderful job. It if were my first time, I am not so sure as some of the folks in their look kind of scary, to me.

I guess what I am saying is first impressions mean a lot to me. A girl wearing blue nail polish to babysit would be o.k. if I liked the girl in general ( I just said I do not care for it). I will not be that person’s sole employer. If I were hiring someone professionally, no blue fingernail polish, no blue hair and no blue eye shadow…that’s just me. I recently read an article about how college kids do NOT know how to go to their first job interview, as far as what to wear and first impressions. Guess I am not the only one who feels this way.

No Judging......

November 15th, 2011
9:09 am

MJG – you seem very judgmental. You judge people by tatoos and nail polish……you should be a little more open-minded and not judge a book by it’s cover. Blue nail polish does NOT make a person. It’s called individuality. Some express them selves differently than others. Imagine a world where we all looked alike, ate the same foods, worked the same job, dressed the same, talked the same, etc. BORING!!!!!

You think very highly of yourself, and put others down.

motherjanegoose

November 15th, 2011
9:36 am

@ no…perhaps…I am in a professional arena and I hear others who hire tell me the same thing. I am kind of old fashioned about things, as I am over 50. There are things I know and would fight for. There are things I do not know. If first impressions are a thing of the past, then this IS something I do not know but perhaps need to know. I have learned a LOT by visiting all 50 states and absolutely met different kinds of people whom I adore.

Question to other readers…if you walked in on MEET THE TEACHER day for your child’s Kinder teacher and he/she had blue hair, blue nail polish, tatoos and piercings everywhere…would you look at the teacher and think: OH YES I am so thankful my child has a wonderful teacher…I am so excited!

Now, that person MAY be an absolutely fabulous teacher but the first impression, for me, would not be a good one. Perhaps I am way out of touch here. There are some things I do not know! I do know that many businesses have a dress code and some conferences even have a fragrance FREE code. No one is allowed to wear any lotions, perfumes or anything with a fragrance at all…even anti perspirant sp?

jimnalph

November 15th, 2011
9:45 am

Comments from a dad- absolutely NO and even H— NO to the boyfriend or even a friend. Your kids need the undivided attention of the babysitter. You might even require them to leave their cell phone at home (if you have a house phone to use to call you). The cell phone is just another distraction these days. All of the concerns stated are valid. Babysitting is a job just like a job at a store, fast food place, or any place and you don’t bring boyfriends and friends to work. And you have the absolute right and privilege to hire whomever you wish to be babysitter, or to not hire whomever you wish, based upon whatever criteria you want. After all these are your kids, not someone raking your leaves. Finally, just because you have not been out in a year or more is not a reason to lower your standards. If you can’t find someone that meets your standards, you make do at home. Again, this is your kids we are talking about, not someone raking your leaves.

HB

November 15th, 2011
9:47 am

MJG, I don’t think it’s a matter of first impressions being a thing of the past, but for a lot of us, old-fashioned clean cut is not necessarily the definition of making a good impression. Honestly, if someone has blue hair and an pierced eyebrow when I first meet them, there’s a good chance, I’ll barely notice. I will notice, though, if the person is friendly, articulate, looks me in the eye, etc. That’s what gives me my first impression of a person regardless of their hairstyle or clothes.

Warrior Woman

November 15th, 2011
10:09 am

No friends visiting while you’re babysitting my children, without prior approval. However, I did let two of my sitters that had developed a relationship with each other babysit together on occasion in the past. We and the kids knew and loved them both before they began dating, they had separately babysat , and trusted them to have appropriate priorities while working.

I don’t care what color the hair or nail polish is. I don’t care if the sitter arrives with Red Bull or coffee or bottled water in hand, but no alcohol.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

November 15th, 2011
10:13 am

We have had sitters with color streaks, showing up at the door drinking Red Bull and telling me about her night out. It does give you pause. I had a history with one girl in particular so I let it pass as she had been an excellent sitter in the past. I think for her it was about transitioning from hs to college.

Claire — you can call me conservative on many things but I am not homophobic.

At the preschool — I have asked and asked with no luck. I am ready to call the high school looking for recs. A good babyitter could make a killing in this town — all the girls are busy doing other things. People happily pay $10 an hour — I used to love to sit when I was in high school and I would have owned this town!!

hryder

November 15th, 2011
10:19 am

This is what I know. Over fifty years ago the baby sitter would blink the porch light on and off twice once the children were asleep. In the side door and out after successfully employing a condom(rubber) for its intended purpose. So the answer is no. In fact, HELL NO!!!

Fae

November 15th, 2011
10:25 am

No, no and no. Babysitting is a job. You don’t bring anybody to your job. All attentions belongs on the kids.

Scottie

November 15th, 2011
10:34 am

I’m a junior in college, and I babysit for many different families through a babysitting agency to earn some extra spending money. Most of these parents only get to speak with me for a few minutes before walking out the door, so I know it takes a huge leap of faith for them to trust me with their children. They already have anxieties about leaving their kids with me, which is why I wouldn’t consider bringing my boyfriend along. I think it’s a courtesy to the parents to not give them more things to worry about than they need to. They’re paying me a lot of money to enjoy their night out, why make things more complicated?

DB (the "regular" one)

November 15th, 2011
10:56 am

Oh, HELL no, no boyfriends! End of story, no apologies, no excuses. I hire you to do a job, not make out with your boyfriend on the couch.

My daughter had a big babysitting business between 13 and 17 — she made a freakin’ FORTUNE over the summer, she even had a calendar where she juggled clients, and had to drop one client because the woman was incapable of returning when she said she would, thus making her late for her next client. She and her best friend would often babysit together for groups — i.e., the tennis moms practice, with several kids, etc. and sometimes, especially if it was going to be a late night, her best friend would also come along and they would keep each other awake :-)

But NO BOYS.

Anj

November 15th, 2011
10:58 am

“My kids move fast.”

LOL!

My kid had his eye on the sitter’s hand held gaming system (he brought it to share with the boys.). When the pizza came (hurrah online ordering!), he grabbed the game-toy while the sitter was busy and locked himself in the bedroom. The sitter handled it well, but it’s a great example of what can happen when you aren’t paying attention for a few minutes.

jarvis

November 15th, 2011
10:58 am

TWG, I wanted to point out after your blog the other day that it is being reported that Mike McQueary did actually stop the encounter he witnessed between Sandusky and the boy.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

November 15th, 2011
11:15 am

jarvis — send me a link — I’m open to it but-that’s not what I have read at all — in fact he’s supposedly in supervised custody away from campus because he’s had physical threats for not stopping it. — I would hope he tried to stop it but that’s no what I have read in any reports. And Sandusky sure didn’t mention that last night in the NBC interview — that would have been to his benefit to say McQueary saw up close what went down and it wasn’t what he thought but Sandusky sure didn’t say that last night.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

November 15th, 2011
11:16 am

Anj — the get into stuff when I’m home — I found lilina making powder pies last night when she was supposed to be sleeping. plus we have a pool in the back — you have to be on your game with three kids.

shaggy

November 15th, 2011
11:51 am

It doesn’t matter if McChicken said he stopped the perv coach that just likes horsing around with pubescent boys, naked, and in the shower…right perv coach, we believe that one because you said it.
McChicken didn’t report it as a crime or beat perv coach to a bloody mass of flesh…he protected perv state, not the boy.

shaggy

November 15th, 2011
12:03 pm

“Wide receivers coach Mike McQueary told a grand jury that in March 2001 when he was a graduate assistant, he saw Sandusky sodomizing a boy about 10 years old in a shower at the Nittany Lions’ practice center.”

Yeah, jarvis “saw” and “stopped” kind of sound alike….NOT!

jarvis

November 15th, 2011
12:19 pm

TWG, I sent you a link.

Candi

November 15th, 2011
12:28 pm

This is such a common topic and something that should be addressed when interviewing the babysitter. Some families will allow it and others do not. Here are some other questions that should be addresses…http://tinyurl.com/24suym9

shaggy

November 15th, 2011
12:31 pm

tinyurl stuff often proves to be a link to some serious virus stuff, so beware.

mom2alex&max

November 15th, 2011
12:40 pm

MJG: my favorite babysitter (the one I allowed the boyfriend) has dreads, piercings, and I think tatoos (but not visible – not that it matters). I adore her and so do my kids. She is a preschool teacher and currently in grad school to become a teacher. She has a true gift with children.

Don’t judge by the cover. Although I know everyone in corporate does. That’s why there is no creativity.

Betty

November 15th, 2011
12:50 pm

Someone here mentioned using Sittercity and I’m curious–has anyone had good luck with that or other services? Do you trust finding someone on a service like this even if you haven’t met them before? There have been times when I would like to use the service and I would certainly ask for references but I just don’t know that references are all that reliable.

jarvis

November 15th, 2011
1:14 pm

@shaggy, I guess I should have said that McQueary says that he stopped the encounter in the shower….as to whether or not it happened that way who is to say.

Purple Drank

November 15th, 2011
1:38 pm

How about asking if the babysitter asked to bring her girlfriend along……

The Reverend Baby Doctor Bedpan

November 15th, 2011
1:42 pm

What kind of mother are you if you feel compelled to query total strangers on hiring baby sitters?

Jacksmum

November 15th, 2011
1:47 pm

Teresa…I completely agree with you. As a teen, I babysat for $1/hour/kid. I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing the things being discussed in this blog. I was working and felt that it would be disrespectful to do any of the above mentioned behaviors.

The young lady with the Red Bull who felt the need to tell you about her previous nights activities, should really get some coaching on appropriate conversational topics with your employers.

I am lucky if a 14 year old wants to babysit for less than $10/hour, and they want to text, bring friends, etc.. This is insane. If you babysit and want somewhere near $10/hour, then you should be old enough to drive, have a certification in at least CPR if not the full babysitting course, and don’t even think about bringing along company. I am not paying you to be entertained, I am paying you to be responsible for my child.

RedandBlackPeachy

November 15th, 2011
2:12 pm

Enter your comments here

RedandBlackPeachy

November 15th, 2011
2:17 pm

No, I wouldn’t be all right with a babysitter bringing anyone along, not even just a friend. Teenagers get wrapped up whether is their boyfriend or just a friend. I want all the attention focused on my children. Of course I only used sitters that I knew them and their family very well (when my parents were not available). If someone was not available than any plans I had was out the window. Of course now my teenagers babysit my toddler and they know what the consequences are of not doing right. Makes it so much easier.

motherjanegoose

November 15th, 2011
2:54 pm

So today, I ran my “judgemental” ideas by two directors of schools whom I know. Both are near my age and both agreed this would not be someone they would hire…no way. One told me that if I ran for president she would vote for me…we laughed. Both told me that young adults do not understand that those types of things ruin first impressions. I have never hired anyone for a job, except some things around the house here, so I thought it best to check things out. Guess that when we old folks all retire or die, things will be a lot different!

This is interesting:

Are tattoos and piercings acceptable in the workplace?
May 11, 2011|By JEN JOHNSON

“42 percent of managers say that their opinions of employees are lowered upon seeing visible tattoos or atypical piercings. With the stiff competition of the job market, having these fashion statements may be the wrong way to seek attention. ”

I mentioned to DB a few weeks ago, that a friend asked me to join an online Open Minded club.
I told DB that many on Momania would not agree. She reminded me that most here do not know me personally. True.

Steak and Lobster

November 15th, 2011
3:07 pm

I’m not worried about the sitter fooling around sexually in my house – although maybe I should be. I’m worried about her laughing with him while a kid is hanging from the bunk bed ladder or taking a bath.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

What? You are OK with the “fooling around” sexually, but don’t want laughter? What kind of a horrible mother are you? I feel compelled to report you to children and family services.

pws

November 15th, 2011
4:09 pm

MJG, I didn’t get your email. I will check with TWG to see if she has my current one.

motherjanegoose

November 15th, 2011
4:19 pm

pws…I sent it twice but it looked funny to me. I went with what she sent me…sorry!

mannyicey

November 15th, 2011
4:33 pm

Nope. You can call me whatever, but I’m not going to have a teenager and her boyfriend in my house while I’m gone.

homeschooler

November 15th, 2011
4:39 pm

All this just makes me eternally thankful that I have family close-by who can watch my kids. I have never had to trust a teenager with my children. I’m sure many are fine but how do you know???
A big NO to the boyfriend thing. And I agree that there is a 99percent chance they would be fooling around. Hair coloring (blue,pink or other) not a problem. I know a lot of responsible girls who get creative with their hair.
No smoking (duh)and the Red Bull would just turn me off because I have a pet peeve about those things.
btw..I can’t believe what these girls charge! I babysat in the 80’s and early 90’s for 2 dollars an hour (minimum wage at that time was 3.85.) You could expect to make half the money babysitting that you would make at a “real” job. I had a regular babysitting gig when I was in college and well into my 20’s. I watched this little boy once a month for about 4 years. His parents paid me 5 dollars an hour. They never let me leave their house w/out scheduling their next date. Now I know why. It was around that time that I realized teens were charging minimum wage to babysit. Now you say they are making 10 dollars an hour, tax free. (and minimum wage is 7!) I may need to re-think my career.

Anj

November 15th, 2011
4:45 pm

TWG – I hear you. Anyone who doesn’t know how fast children create a mess or worse are very lucky. I view pools as potential death traps. Ditto for parking lots and driveways.

Dan

November 15th, 2011
4:53 pm

So, it depends entirely on the situation. If the kids are going to be asleep – why not? What’s the difference between having the boyfriend come and do the babysitting, versus having the girl do it? If you have multiple kids – and say, a 10 year old boy, perhaps he’d be better off with the boyfriend there. If the girl is responsible, I don’t know what difference it makes if the boyfriend comes along or not. They can all play board games together, and they can all do the same stuff together that she could do on her own. Obviously, the most important thing is whether or not she’s responsible, and that’s why you get references. Regarding drinking red bull, the color of her hair, whether or not she has a boyfriend – whether or not she’s lesbian – all these things are irrelevant to the simple concept of whether or not she’s responsible, and whether or not she could handle an emergency situation, should one arise. Further, the boyfriend may be helpful in this regard – perhaps he is a valedictorian, mathlete, athlete, jazz musician, who’s going to teach your kid to play a saxophone, and all-around stand-up character. Maybe he’s exactly the type of person you want around your kids.

Nianya

November 15th, 2011
5:44 pm

I wouldn’t let my own teen babysit her younger sib with a boyfriend over so I sure as heck would not let an outside sitter bring her boyfriend or anyone for that matter.

itpdude

November 15th, 2011
7:09 pm

Your husband is right to not want to ever call or text that girl again. It’s piss-poor judgment for her to ask if her boyfriend can be with her while babysitting.

Unreal. Babysitting is friggin’ easy as pie. I’m male, so I didn’t get many babysitting jobs except for the ones my sister didn’t want and those were with boys. They had the latest gaming systems and cool toys, so it was more like play for me. And the parents would have good food in the fridge and real Coke (not the crap Big K my parents would get). It was much easier than mowing lawns, I’ll tell you that. A few things did get broken on my watch, unfortunately, but I remember the parents saying, “you actually interact with them rather than sit on the couch and watch tv like the girl sitters.”

They were kinda okay that we roughhoused a bit, I guess. It meant I was actually interacting with the little hooligans.

These chicks don’t know what a cush job babysitting is and if they can’t appreciate it and provide a modicum of professionalism (by not having their dopey boyfriend on the job with them), get rid of them. Don’t use them. Find a good sitter and stick with them. I babysat maybe 15 times in my life and it was easy money unlike mowing lawns or helping people move or whatever,

These bitches don’t know how easy they have it and then have to gall to ask if their boyfriends can “sit” in? Sheesh.

catlady

November 15th, 2011
7:13 pm

Theresa, what about asking at your church? I would look at that as a place to check for good sitters. I know I have used the resources of the church for other recommendations, and most of the kids I sat for and my daughter sat for we knew from church.

Anj

November 15th, 2011
7:29 pm

@MJG
“Question to other readers…if you walked in on MEET THE TEACHER day for your child’s Kinder teacher and he/she had blue hair, blue nail polish, tatoos and piercings everywhere…would you look at the teacher and think: OH YES I am so thankful my child has a wonderful teacher…I am so excited!”

Actually, when we met AutismKid’s teacher, I watched her when my son wanted to
put his hands in the fish tank
push the call button
pick up a balance ball and try to throw it
change the thermostat
open every cupboard door
attempt to work the printer

and what I was looking at was not her sense of personal style but her reaction to all of that.
If she had been getting more frustrated and stressed with every new trick he tried, I would have had serious concerns. She passed the test.

Style is superficial. I look for substance.

(I loved watching the students at OSU. You could tell the Marketing/Communications majors by their hair, make up and clothing. No idea if they were any good as baby sitters.)

Anj

November 15th, 2011
7:32 pm

If there is a college campus near, I would check with the Education department for possible sitters. I’d give preference to any working towards Special Education.

BusyMom

November 15th, 2011
8:55 pm

I used to babysit and now I have two kids – we do no trust *anybody* who we have not known for a long time. These days you never know what someone is up to, much LESS seeing signs of an unstable life.

If you need a dead-last-minute babysitter for Sat nites, e-mail me – I am a conservative person, wear no make-up and wear no jewelry (as kids can grab it or it can be caught up in something), and safety comes FIRST in my business.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

November 15th, 2011
10:51 pm

catlady — church is a good idea – and I trust the director of our sunday school program — i think she’s been at the church a long time and would probably have some good teen suggestions or could put me in touch with who runs the teen program who would have some suggestions.

Jarvis — i didn’t see the link — did you send to gmail account??? I will scroll back through it

Muriel Mason

November 16th, 2011
3:01 am

Not a good idea to have a boyfriend along when this teenager babysits.

Muriel Mason

November 16th, 2011
3:07 am

To the lady who would have to pay $10 an hour for a babysitter, some of these kids I wouldn’t babysit for $50 an hour. They are that mean.

don

November 16th, 2011
8:07 am

Claire are you for real? You obviously have no kids from the way you posted your judgemental diatribe. I am with the mom on this one, if I have someone watch my kids then they will be there to watch my kids thats what they are getting paid for period. Not to socialize with their friends or boyfriend, but to make sure my kids don’t get hurt, take a bath and get in bed. If I wanted someone irresponsible to watch my kids why not just let them run amock without the babysitter, if all you have is what if she is lesbian. A lesbian babysitter wouldn’t have a boyfriend over, and for the most part they’d be more attentive towards the kids in my opinion so your line of question on that one is third base.
Kids today namely the teenagers 16 to 18 who would normally do the babysitting jobs think its a joke to have to actually work. I can’t live without my boyfriend for 3 hours or 4 hours while I babysit. I’d personally see to it, that any babysitter who snuck in a boyfriend to my house knowing I wasn’t comfortable with it, and said she could in the first place would never get my business again and I’d tell anyone I know about her who had kids. McDonalds will be hiring for her but that would be way more work than I am sure she would be willing to do if babysitting is too much for her to handle.

Baruj Benacerraf

November 21st, 2011
11:14 am

Awake, my soul! stretch every nerve, And press with vigor on; A heavenly race demands thy zeal, And an immortal crown.