Can the babysitter bring her boyfriend along?

I called five different girls last week trying to find a babysitter for Saturday night but to no avail.

The last girl I asked I had never used before at home but she’s kept Lilina before in a group childcare setting. So I texted her to ask if there was any chance she could sit. She texted back, would it be OK if she brought along her boyfriend? I would only have to pay her, she added.

I have to say the boyfriend along is a deal breaker for me.  I asked Michael what he thought and he said not only is it not OK for her to bring her boyfriend, he said he didn’t want her to ever sit because he thinks that reflects bad judgment on the girl’s part.

I texted back that while it would be more fun to have the boyfriend come along, I wasn’t comfortable with that. I wrote the kids moved fast and needed her full attention.

I’m not worried about the sitter fooling around sexually in my house – although maybe I should be. I’m worried about her laughing with him while a kid is hanging from the bunk bed ladder or taking a bath.

Now a second question: Is a boyfriend more of a problem than just a friend coming along?

I do think a girl would be more attentive with a friend than with a boyfriend in the house. However, I would prefer neither be brought along. Now when we had a longtime sitter spend the night one night I asked that she bring a friend along for support and we paid both of them. For regular sitting jobs though I think the friend would be a distraction as well.

So I am wondering how you guys feel about the boyfriend bring along? Would you allow it? Would you be worried about the boyfriend as a distraction or the fooling around issue? Would you question her judgment for even asking? What are your babysitter standards when you’re desperate to leave your house? (We haven’t been out alone I think since last spring. We need some alone time!)

What’s a deal breaker with a babysitter? Blue streaks in the hair, smoking in general – not necessarily in your house, drinking Red Bull as she’s walking in to sit,  telling you she stayed out late last night (the need for the Red Bull), the boyfriend dropping her off or dropping by??

75 comments Add your comment


November 15th, 2011
1:14 pm

@shaggy, I guess I should have said that McQueary says that he stopped the encounter in the shower….as to whether or not it happened that way who is to say.

Purple Drank

November 15th, 2011
1:38 pm

How about asking if the babysitter asked to bring her girlfriend along……

The Reverend Baby Doctor Bedpan

November 15th, 2011
1:42 pm

What kind of mother are you if you feel compelled to query total strangers on hiring baby sitters?


November 15th, 2011
1:47 pm

Teresa…I completely agree with you. As a teen, I babysat for $1/hour/kid. I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing the things being discussed in this blog. I was working and felt that it would be disrespectful to do any of the above mentioned behaviors.

The young lady with the Red Bull who felt the need to tell you about her previous nights activities, should really get some coaching on appropriate conversational topics with your employers.

I am lucky if a 14 year old wants to babysit for less than $10/hour, and they want to text, bring friends, etc.. This is insane. If you babysit and want somewhere near $10/hour, then you should be old enough to drive, have a certification in at least CPR if not the full babysitting course, and don’t even think about bringing along company. I am not paying you to be entertained, I am paying you to be responsible for my child.


November 15th, 2011
2:12 pm

Enter your comments here


November 15th, 2011
2:17 pm

No, I wouldn’t be all right with a babysitter bringing anyone along, not even just a friend. Teenagers get wrapped up whether is their boyfriend or just a friend. I want all the attention focused on my children. Of course I only used sitters that I knew them and their family very well (when my parents were not available). If someone was not available than any plans I had was out the window. Of course now my teenagers babysit my toddler and they know what the consequences are of not doing right. Makes it so much easier.


November 15th, 2011
2:54 pm

So today, I ran my “judgemental” ideas by two directors of schools whom I know. Both are near my age and both agreed this would not be someone they would hire…no way. One told me that if I ran for president she would vote for me…we laughed. Both told me that young adults do not understand that those types of things ruin first impressions. I have never hired anyone for a job, except some things around the house here, so I thought it best to check things out. Guess that when we old folks all retire or die, things will be a lot different!

This is interesting:

Are tattoos and piercings acceptable in the workplace?
May 11, 2011|By JEN JOHNSON

“42 percent of managers say that their opinions of employees are lowered upon seeing visible tattoos or atypical piercings. With the stiff competition of the job market, having these fashion statements may be the wrong way to seek attention. ”

I mentioned to DB a few weeks ago, that a friend asked me to join an online Open Minded club.
I told DB that many on Momania would not agree. She reminded me that most here do not know me personally. True.

Steak and Lobster

November 15th, 2011
3:07 pm

I’m not worried about the sitter fooling around sexually in my house – although maybe I should be. I’m worried about her laughing with him while a kid is hanging from the bunk bed ladder or taking a bath.


What? You are OK with the “fooling around” sexually, but don’t want laughter? What kind of a horrible mother are you? I feel compelled to report you to children and family services.


November 15th, 2011
4:09 pm

MJG, I didn’t get your email. I will check with TWG to see if she has my current one.


November 15th, 2011
4:19 pm

pws…I sent it twice but it looked funny to me. I went with what she sent me…sorry!


November 15th, 2011
4:33 pm

Nope. You can call me whatever, but I’m not going to have a teenager and her boyfriend in my house while I’m gone.


November 15th, 2011
4:39 pm

All this just makes me eternally thankful that I have family close-by who can watch my kids. I have never had to trust a teenager with my children. I’m sure many are fine but how do you know???
A big NO to the boyfriend thing. And I agree that there is a 99percent chance they would be fooling around. Hair coloring (blue,pink or other) not a problem. I know a lot of responsible girls who get creative with their hair.
No smoking (duh)and the Red Bull would just turn me off because I have a pet peeve about those things.
btw..I can’t believe what these girls charge! I babysat in the 80’s and early 90’s for 2 dollars an hour (minimum wage at that time was 3.85.) You could expect to make half the money babysitting that you would make at a “real” job. I had a regular babysitting gig when I was in college and well into my 20’s. I watched this little boy once a month for about 4 years. His parents paid me 5 dollars an hour. They never let me leave their house w/out scheduling their next date. Now I know why. It was around that time that I realized teens were charging minimum wage to babysit. Now you say they are making 10 dollars an hour, tax free. (and minimum wage is 7!) I may need to re-think my career.


November 15th, 2011
4:45 pm

TWG – I hear you. Anyone who doesn’t know how fast children create a mess or worse are very lucky. I view pools as potential death traps. Ditto for parking lots and driveways.


November 15th, 2011
4:53 pm

So, it depends entirely on the situation. If the kids are going to be asleep – why not? What’s the difference between having the boyfriend come and do the babysitting, versus having the girl do it? If you have multiple kids – and say, a 10 year old boy, perhaps he’d be better off with the boyfriend there. If the girl is responsible, I don’t know what difference it makes if the boyfriend comes along or not. They can all play board games together, and they can all do the same stuff together that she could do on her own. Obviously, the most important thing is whether or not she’s responsible, and that’s why you get references. Regarding drinking red bull, the color of her hair, whether or not she has a boyfriend – whether or not she’s lesbian – all these things are irrelevant to the simple concept of whether or not she’s responsible, and whether or not she could handle an emergency situation, should one arise. Further, the boyfriend may be helpful in this regard – perhaps he is a valedictorian, mathlete, athlete, jazz musician, who’s going to teach your kid to play a saxophone, and all-around stand-up character. Maybe he’s exactly the type of person you want around your kids.


November 15th, 2011
5:44 pm

I wouldn’t let my own teen babysit her younger sib with a boyfriend over so I sure as heck would not let an outside sitter bring her boyfriend or anyone for that matter.


November 15th, 2011
7:09 pm

Your husband is right to not want to ever call or text that girl again. It’s piss-poor judgment for her to ask if her boyfriend can be with her while babysitting.

Unreal. Babysitting is friggin’ easy as pie. I’m male, so I didn’t get many babysitting jobs except for the ones my sister didn’t want and those were with boys. They had the latest gaming systems and cool toys, so it was more like play for me. And the parents would have good food in the fridge and real Coke (not the crap Big K my parents would get). It was much easier than mowing lawns, I’ll tell you that. A few things did get broken on my watch, unfortunately, but I remember the parents saying, “you actually interact with them rather than sit on the couch and watch tv like the girl sitters.”

They were kinda okay that we roughhoused a bit, I guess. It meant I was actually interacting with the little hooligans.

These chicks don’t know what a cush job babysitting is and if they can’t appreciate it and provide a modicum of professionalism (by not having their dopey boyfriend on the job with them), get rid of them. Don’t use them. Find a good sitter and stick with them. I babysat maybe 15 times in my life and it was easy money unlike mowing lawns or helping people move or whatever,

These bitches don’t know how easy they have it and then have to gall to ask if their boyfriends can “sit” in? Sheesh.


November 15th, 2011
7:13 pm

Theresa, what about asking at your church? I would look at that as a place to check for good sitters. I know I have used the resources of the church for other recommendations, and most of the kids I sat for and my daughter sat for we knew from church.


November 15th, 2011
7:29 pm

“Question to other readers…if you walked in on MEET THE TEACHER day for your child’s Kinder teacher and he/she had blue hair, blue nail polish, tatoos and piercings everywhere…would you look at the teacher and think: OH YES I am so thankful my child has a wonderful teacher…I am so excited!”

Actually, when we met AutismKid’s teacher, I watched her when my son wanted to
put his hands in the fish tank
push the call button
pick up a balance ball and try to throw it
change the thermostat
open every cupboard door
attempt to work the printer

and what I was looking at was not her sense of personal style but her reaction to all of that.
If she had been getting more frustrated and stressed with every new trick he tried, I would have had serious concerns. She passed the test.

Style is superficial. I look for substance.

(I loved watching the students at OSU. You could tell the Marketing/Communications majors by their hair, make up and clothing. No idea if they were any good as baby sitters.)


November 15th, 2011
7:32 pm

If there is a college campus near, I would check with the Education department for possible sitters. I’d give preference to any working towards Special Education.


November 15th, 2011
8:55 pm

I used to babysit and now I have two kids – we do no trust *anybody* who we have not known for a long time. These days you never know what someone is up to, much LESS seeing signs of an unstable life.

If you need a dead-last-minute babysitter for Sat nites, e-mail me – I am a conservative person, wear no make-up and wear no jewelry (as kids can grab it or it can be caught up in something), and safety comes FIRST in my business.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

November 15th, 2011
10:51 pm

catlady — church is a good idea – and I trust the director of our sunday school program — i think she’s been at the church a long time and would probably have some good teen suggestions or could put me in touch with who runs the teen program who would have some suggestions.

Jarvis — i didn’t see the link — did you send to gmail account??? I will scroll back through it

Muriel Mason

November 16th, 2011
3:01 am

Not a good idea to have a boyfriend along when this teenager babysits.

Muriel Mason

November 16th, 2011
3:07 am

To the lady who would have to pay $10 an hour for a babysitter, some of these kids I wouldn’t babysit for $50 an hour. They are that mean.


November 16th, 2011
8:07 am

Claire are you for real? You obviously have no kids from the way you posted your judgemental diatribe. I am with the mom on this one, if I have someone watch my kids then they will be there to watch my kids thats what they are getting paid for period. Not to socialize with their friends or boyfriend, but to make sure my kids don’t get hurt, take a bath and get in bed. If I wanted someone irresponsible to watch my kids why not just let them run amock without the babysitter, if all you have is what if she is lesbian. A lesbian babysitter wouldn’t have a boyfriend over, and for the most part they’d be more attentive towards the kids in my opinion so your line of question on that one is third base.
Kids today namely the teenagers 16 to 18 who would normally do the babysitting jobs think its a joke to have to actually work. I can’t live without my boyfriend for 3 hours or 4 hours while I babysit. I’d personally see to it, that any babysitter who snuck in a boyfriend to my house knowing I wasn’t comfortable with it, and said she could in the first place would never get my business again and I’d tell anyone I know about her who had kids. McDonalds will be hiring for her but that would be way more work than I am sure she would be willing to do if babysitting is too much for her to handle.

Baruj Benacerraf

November 21st, 2011
11:14 am

Awake, my soul! stretch every nerve, And press with vigor on; A heavenly race demands thy zeal, And an immortal crown.