What details about puberty are you leaving out?

Lately, I have been having many discussions about puberty with my daughter, my mom friends and our new pediatrician. And it’s interesting to hear the questions that kids have as their bodies change and how moms are supplying (or not supplying) the information.

Our pediatrician gave us a great list last year about the order that the girl’s body changes. (I thought I shared the list last year but I didn’t find it in our archive.) Here’s what she wrote down for me as the general order of things changing:

Boobs

Pubes

Pits

Zits

Period “the end!”

She wrote next to it that it all happens in about 1.5 to 2 years. She said generally it was about 2 years from breast buds to periods. I thought this list was really helpful.

I wanted to hit a couple of areas that I wonder if moms are addressing with their daughters.

  1. Things they may feel in their breast as they form: I recall there being like a hard disk in my breast as it was growing and our pediatrician explained that it is the fibrous material of the breast forming that will later hold the milk ducts. It’s like the inner bra she said, and it was totally normal to feel that in your breast as it grew. She indicated that the breast and underarm areas could be sensitive or sore as the breasts grow. (It reminds me of being pregnant.) I think it would be a relief to a lot of little girls if their moms told them this.
  2. Another thing I think moms don’t mention (I know my mom didn’t!) and they should is to tell their daughters that it is totally normal to have fluid and mucous months prior to getting their periods. I think the fluid worries and scare a lot of little girls. Our doctor said some of her little girl patients were hiding their underwear because they thought they had done something wrong but it’s nothing they can control. I also think it’s a great opportunity for moms to discuss the difference between bad fluid that can indicate an infection and regular fluid that all ladies have!
  3. Another thing that I constantly hear from moms that their moms didn’t tell them is: The place the pee comes from is different than the place the period comes out. I can’t tell you how many ladies I have met who didn’t know this until they got married. That is a travesty. Ladies, please tell your daughters that there are three separate places down there. The period, the tampon and the baby all use the same area. The pee comes from a different place!

Are you talking about these items with your daughter? Why or why not? What other facts have you neglected to tell them? What other facts are important to tell them that moms may assume they know or be embarrassed to talk about? What questions did they ask that surprised you that we should make sure we address?

53 comments Add your comment

Jeff

September 26th, 2011
4:45 am

More education for soon the be women is incredibly important. It’s a shame that shame women don’t become comfortable with their bodies until their 30’s, 40’s or 50’s.

Although I have noticed that the elusive self esteem seems to be taken in overdoses by those who could actually use a little humility on occasion.

Jeff

September 26th, 2011
5:43 am

Sorry, “for soon to be”.

Wink

September 26th, 2011
7:31 am

Wasn’t this all covered in that movie the girls had to watch in 5th grade while the boys went outside to play baseball?

MomOf2Girls

September 26th, 2011
8:06 am

Just had this chat with my younger one last weekend. She’ll be 11 in December, but she already has real (albeit very small) breasts, not just buds, and her sister got her first period at 11 yrs 4 mos. One piece of advice – Don’t assume that the “small for their age” girls start later than their more hefty classmates. My girls are both on the bottom of the growth curve, but started pretty early. My younger one is 4′ 2″ and 52 lbs, which means she’s skinny with two obvious bumps. She is among the first in her class to have real signs of puberty (not counting the “breasts” that are really from fat).

When we talked, she asked about whether or not it hurt, and I had to explain a bit about cramping. She also was concerned about the amount of blood loss and whether or not she could play soccer when she had her period. She didn’t ask many other questions, but there were a couple of “aha” moments when she understood why her sister sometimes took a while in the bathroom and what the “special box” was for (pads).

Good luck with it. We have a book that covered all of the pertinent info and has some basic illustrations in it, and I really appreciated having a guide that ensured I covered everything and allowed her to see what we were talking about with the different internal organs.

motherjanegoose

September 26th, 2011
8:11 am

@ Wink… in 5th grade, that’s where I got my information. Not the same here. We talked to our kids. They asked some interesting questions but we answered them in the best manner we could. Having a book to read together provides a good benchmark of where to start.

motherjanegoose

September 26th, 2011
8:16 am

BTW…that was 1970 for me…haha!

Me

September 26th, 2011
8:42 am

Well, I obviously took something of a back seat when this was discussed with our two oldest – both girls. That doesn’t mean that my wife and I didn’t discuss among ourselves what needed to be relayed and the manner in which to best accomplish this. I really do think that, when properly presented, that more information is better. My wife states that her mom had not a single “chat” with her so everything she learned came from various sources. My wife was determined that ours would not learn totally from strangers.

catlady

September 26th, 2011
8:43 am

Yeah, I am that teacher you don’t want your kids to have. I talk casually about the changes their bodies are starting to go through. I don’t get into periods and wet dreams, however. You wouldn’t believe how worried they get that they are abnormal–and these are 3rd and 4th graders. We talk about this as a natural part of how people are different, and how things change. (ie, You each cut your first teeth at a different time, you are growing at different rates, here is what I experienced–I was the tallest one in my class till 5th grade, etc)

catlady

September 26th, 2011
8:47 am

This just happened last week: One of my students called my attention to a clot of blood and long dribble of it on the floor. I asked if anyone was bleeding. Silence. My heart began to race–had one of the little(3rd grade) girls started? After we got the janitor in to clean it up, one boy confessed that he had had a nosebleed and was embarassed to admit it. Whew! I have had to reassure several 5th grade girls before (they thought they were dying) including one in Spanish. Just see if 4 years of high school Spanish prepares you for that! But a third grader?

Raisin Toast Fanatic

September 26th, 2011
8:50 am

Don’t sweat it.

It’s all on the internet. :)

MomOf2Girls

September 26th, 2011
9:03 am

@catlady – yes, a third grader. One of my older daughter’s friends started at the very end of 3rd. Not common, but it happens.

Fifth grade is often too late for these talks now, and do you really want to leave it to a teacher? It may be uncomfortable, but this is one talk you want to have with your daughter yourself. If you can’t discuss periods, just how are you going to talk about the really hard stuff – dating, sex, etc?

Dr. M

September 26th, 2011
9:46 am

Important conversations to have with the pre-pubescents and continue the talks with your teens.

Two weeks ago I gave a lecture to 15-24 y.o. boys and girls (in FL) and while they freaked out with the (yes) very graphic pictures of STD-affected genitals and mouths, it led to a great discussion with them and their parents who were also in attendance. (The groups split up later in the day.)

Too many parents aren’t talking to their kids about body parts, form and function, and even fewer discuss sex and stds. Those who discuss this with their kids have fewer problems with teen pregnancy and early STDs/cervical cancer rates (due to HPV), etc.

I think my lecture will help the kids remain abstinent (and their mouths closed) for at least 2-3 weeks. :-) [What they are doing in school bathrooms these days, etc....my Lord. The kids admitted to it happening!] I showed them data slides from the book, ‘Living Well, Despite Catchin’ Hell’, which includes data for White, Black, Hispanic, Asian and Native American boys and girls. See
http://www.amazon.com/Living-Well-Despite-Catching-Hell/dp/0964355477/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_3

oneofeach4me

September 26th, 2011
9:59 am

A little less than a year ago (when my daughter was 9) I bought “The Care & Keeping of You” which is part of the American Girl series. I showed it to my daughter briefly, however, it stayed in my room. I told her we would read two pages of it a night TOGETHER so that if she had any questions or concerns at all we could go over it together right then. Once we finished the book, I gave it to her to refer back to. I also bought a book for once she starts her period that goes into more detail with more graphics. It’s about maturity levels, and not all girls at the age of 10 will “get it all” in one sitting, nor should they.

My mom didn’t talk to us much about these life changes either. I remember starting my period and totally freaking out because I didn’t know what was going on, and I was at a friends house (of course I was 9)!! I was also the one to teach my two younger sisters about tampons and how to use them. Don’t be shy and reserved when it comes to your daughters. Give them ALL the womanly advice you can (including hygiene) because they are going to need it!!

JJ

September 26th, 2011
10:42 am

Good lord. What ever you do, don’t let them know their bodies are changing. Leave out important information, so they can learn from their friends, and of course, on the streets.

Why are parents so afraid to talk about SEX with their kids? Would you rather they learn it elsewhere. If you are so afraid to talk to your kids about sex and their bodies, then you’ve got major problems. Keep an open dialogue, don’t be afraid to talk. Answer their questions. They need to know what’s going on. Quit being so afraid……..

Betty

September 26th, 2011
10:45 am

@oneofeach4me –I got the same American Girl book for my daughter–I love their books. We started reading the book together when she was in 3rd grade. I think it’s a great way to ease into the conversations. It’s impossible to plan for exactly when their periods may start, but I certainly don’t want it to be a shock when it does. Reading the book together allows us to have frequest conversations about the many changes that are and will continue to take place with her body.

oneofeach4me

September 26th, 2011
10:52 am

@Betty ~ It surely was a way to “introduce” everything without being so in detailed that it freaked her out or scared her. Like I mentioned I bought her another book that is put up for her when she actually starts her period. It has graphics of the vagina, penis, etc and explains what comes out of where and is really more sexual in nature. She is also going the the emotions of the pre-puberty stage where EVERYTHING is SO dramafied!! So… I went today and bought her “The Feelings Book” out of that series. I am with JJ… you cannot be scared to have these talks with your kids. You knew that when you had them, that day would eventually come. I believe it’s one of the easier parts of parenthood because it all comes down to basic facts. Puberty is not something anyone can control or choose. It’s the willpower of kids (the drugs, sex, etc) that is more troubling in my opinion.

Jeff

September 26th, 2011
12:00 pm

Thanks for the input from all of you. I am attempting to walk a fine line in having appropriate discussions with my 8 yo daughter (progressively, not all at once) with the idea that more discussions now will give her the comfort that she can come to me in later years with confidence.

LeeH1

September 26th, 2011
12:03 pm

What is missing here is a discussion about information versus wisdom. The information about the physical changes are something that you can ask the schools to provide. That is only what it is: information.

What children really need is wisdom: how the changes in their bodies will also change their relationships with their fathers and their brothers; what to do about boys (and other girls) teasing; how to handle the anger, frustrations and embarrassments that they never experienced as girls, that they now face as young women.

The world is not all science; there is also a need for a discussion about values, philosophy, religious beliefs and myths; etiquette and manners; good behavior and bad behavior.

Also, there is a failure to discuss the puberty problems of boys. The girls who can’t decide whether to cover their change in their breast with floppy shirts, or to flaunt them, face the same problems boys face with unexpected erections. Should the boy cover them up with loose jeans and hands in their pockets, or strut around proudly with the obvious sign of manhood? One is a shy boy who doesn’t want to walk up to the front of the class to answer a question; the other one becomes a young jerk. In both sexes, behavior and personalities change as do their bodies.

They do not need to know what goes where in sex; what they need to know is the why, when and what it does to themselves and to other people. The what goes where can be answered in sex ed classes; the other needs to be discussed with parents.

penguinmom

September 26th, 2011
12:07 pm

We talk not just about the physical changes but also about the mental ones. Teen brains really do work differently so I make sure my kids understand that the reason they are so ***bored*** is not because the world has suddenly gotten more boring but because their brains require a larger stimulus to register excitement. And that when they do finally register something as exciting they are likely to over-react to is because it triggers a bigger brain chemistry reaction.

Also, that they are going to be emotional without a ‘good’ reason sometimes. Being sad or angry without warning is something they should expect. Doesn’t always mitigate the results but they are more likely to calm down some when I point out part of the reason they are reacting so strongly to a fairly minor situation is due to their age.

And I tell them that it is somewhat normal to feel out of place or to not know/like who you are at some point. My high school students talk about going through this and how they hit high school and came to the realization that being themselves was okay. (They are all homeschoolers so they do not have all of same peer pressure that others in high school may still feel).

A good book for parents is ‘the chickens guide to talking turkey with your kids about sex’. It had a good explanation that some of our angst in talking about sex comes from the fact that we have experienced it and all the emotions that come with it. To kids it is really just a physical fact (and a fairly gross one at that). We actually have to be careful to not transfer any bad emotional context we might have from our own experiences down to them.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

September 26th, 2011
12:12 pm

LeeH1 — I think very good points. My little guy is two years behind Rose so at this point we’re talking more girl stuff at home. her changes are obvious but we need to be thinking about him too.

The pediatrician did say a funny think to him over the summer — She was checking him out and just talking to us and she said and you know if you have an erection for over an hour you need to tell your mom. Well he hadn’t heard that word before and had no idea what she was talking about. (He was aware that his penis gets hard in the morning and such but didn’t know it had a name yet.) I’m like he doesn’t know that word yet so I just told him if your penis stays hard a long time you need to tell me. He’s like OK. moving on ….

We talk a lot about modesty and just did a very exciting bra shopping trip over the weekend. The other bras were getting too small and hurting so we went to buy new ones. Michael just can’t even believe this is happening already. He was sorting clothes again this weekend and held up underwear — are these yours or hers — they’re hers I told him. He just shook his head.

Mrs. G

September 26th, 2011
12:29 pm

I had sex ed in 5th grade, in 8th grade health, and in 10th grade health. I remember that the teachers really did an excellent job, honestly. I’m sure that I had questions (that I just went home and asked my mom), but they really covered all the bases. In 5th grade, they even had a nurse bring in a placenta. I think that a lot of the kids were grossed out by it, but it was pretty cool to see!

I think that I was lucky that I had such good education and such an open relationship with my mom; my mom never sat down and gave me a “talk” because our dialogue was so open that she didn’t need to. My mother-in-law, on the other hand, sat my husband down to talk about sex for the first time when he was home on break during his sophomore year on college. A little late…!

I will say that my mom misled me with one thing. In ninth or tenth grade, she told me that you could get pregnant from sitting on boys’ laps (obviously in an effort to keep me from sitting on boys’ laps…). She told me that they would get “excited” and that you could get pregnant through clothing. Thanks, Mom. I spent about a week in tenth grade thinking that I was pregnant (while still a virgin) because my period was late (it wasn’t too regular yet) and I had sat on my boyfriend’s lap while we watched a movie within the past few weeks. We laugh at it now.

oneofeach4me

September 26th, 2011
12:46 pm

@LeeH1 ~ IMO, having knowledge HELPS with understanding and I don’t want the first place or first time my kids ever get info is from sex ed in school. I say this because when I was going through the book with my daughter she had lots of questions and even got embarrassed about some of it. I am pretty sure seeing or hearing it for the first time at school would have only made it worse.

Basically we deal with all the other stuff as it comes. We have already dealt with the teasing (some of her friends are already wearing bras) and we have done the early bra shopping. We have talked about how taking a shower with the door closed and getting dressed with the door closed is now a requirement (and we discussed why).

I agree that the mental/emotional part of puberty is extremely important and each child is different. We talked about hormones and how they will sometimes make your moods change, etc. The thing is with MY daughter though, is that you have to be careful with what you say as to not give her a “crutch” to act any way she wants to. For example, she was diagnosed with ADHD but is not on meds; she has only had cognitive behavioral therapy. Well, once she heard her father and I talking about it and it’s symptoms, and she than began to use the ADHD as her “reason” behind constantly acting up or talking back. I had to nip that in the bud fast! Sure, sometimes it was the ADHD (insert hormones here for puberty) and sometimes it was her just being defiant and wanting her way. Every kid is different, but regardless, you are correct in that the parents should be involved in the full aspect of puberty and growing up, not just with Sex Ed.

Betty

September 26th, 2011
1:09 pm

@oneofeach4me –Re: ” She is also going the the emotions of the pre-puberty stage where EVERYTHING is SO dramafied!!
I feel your pain–going through the same thing here. Emotions are bouncing off the walls of our home in surround sound between her pre-puberty stage and my peri-menopause stage. LOL

itpdude

September 26th, 2011
1:13 pm

A lot of parents, if not most, are not equipped to have the sex-talk with their kids. That’s the truth.

oneofeach4me

September 26th, 2011
1:16 pm

@Betty ~ this may sound awful.. but I sure am glad I am not the only one!!! :)

oneofeach4me

September 26th, 2011
1:23 pm

@itpdude~ I know what you mean, I have seen this too. It ususally happens with the parent who strictly and stringently practices the “you are not your child’s friend” type of parenting. This is where balance comes in. It’s easier to talk to your child about these things as their “friend” and plus there is SO much info out there now on the topic that can help. I didn’t really know where to begin either when it came to talking to my daughter about puberty. That is why I went out and bought a book that we could go over together. The thing is, as the adult, it’s up to you to put on your grown up undies and figure out a way to have the open dialogue with your kid and to use a more balanced parental style. I don’t think it’s just the kids who change while going through puberty…..

Augusta

September 26th, 2011
1:25 pm

OK, you talk to your kids about God and Jesus, and you hold nothing back, and are not afraid to talk about that.

You tell your kids that Santa is a myth and you are not afraid of that. And you have told the truth, in your opionion. and you weren’t afraid.

Yet, you cannot seem to have a discussion about something as REAL as puberty, sex, changing bodies, etc. This is for real, and each and every one of us on this earth goes through puberty. Yet you can’t handle talking about that……but you have no problem talking about other stuff that isn’t real…..

motherjanegoose

September 26th, 2011
1:26 pm

When my daughter was just about to start her period, I likened her to a tick that was ready to pop. I could just tell it would be happening soon. She was not her regular self at all. She knew ( sort of) what to expect but it is kind of like having a baby: you can read all the books and have all the talks but you do not have the experience until you have it. I was relieved when she finally started but it was right when she was invited to go on a beach vacation a long time friend and her family. I called the Mom and told her that I was letting my daughter decide if she should still go. I would not wish a guest, who had just started their period, on anyone’s beach trip but did not rain on the parade. My daughter decided to pass and stay home…probably good for everyone! She was not herself for a few days.

catlady, thanks for joining me at the school show today! It was great to see you again! I had fun!

Middle School Parent

September 26th, 2011
1:48 pm

My daughter informed me over the weekend that there are 2 girls pregnant at her school. One is in the 7th and the other in the 8th grade. The children nowadays are alot more “advanced” than we were in school. She started her cycle last Nov. and we did have the talk. However, I told her that she can come to me and ask or tell me anything about her. We talk about everything. I want the lines of communication to stay open because I know that she is getting older and more mature.

Tom

September 26th, 2011
1:49 pm

Just keep them out of the ice cream aisle. Don’t wanna have to explain “Schweddy Balls” to ‘em! ;-)

Tom

September 26th, 2011
1:53 pm

And make sure you explain to them how childbirth will be painful because of God’s curse on Eve, not because of the location of the birth canal thru a pelvic girdle that started narrowing millions of years ago when the ancestors of Homo Sapiens adopted bipedalism as their primary means of locomotion.

….’cause that would be….you know….silly.

ABC

September 26th, 2011
2:21 pm

I like how you think @Tom!

Little Eva

September 26th, 2011
2:27 pm

If I were your child, I would run away…..
…or hang myself.

dre

September 26th, 2011
2:27 pm

Great topic: I’ve been having this discussion with my 13-year-old son for about a year since I brought it up. Very proud of him. Great listener. Not afraid to ask me things, not embarassed at all. He is still befuddled that his private parts will know the difference between sending out one thing or the other when the time comes. My wife is very happy this one’s on me :>

  

September 26th, 2011
2:43 pm

….’cause that would be….you know….silly.

You’re right. Your idea is silly.

I Love Life Cereal

September 26th, 2011
2:43 pm

Just let their female teachers worry about it. After all, they’re on the payroll! :P

Tom

September 26th, 2011
3:02 pm

Glad you agree, ! :>)

Tom

September 26th, 2011
3:11 pm

I keep thinking of the scene from “Carrie” with Sissy Spacek and Piper Laurie….

“Why didn’t you tell me, Mama?!”

“And the Lord visited Eve with the curse, and the curse was the curse of blood!”

“You should have told me, Mama! You should have told me!”

“Oh, Lord! Help this sinning woman see the sin of her days and ways. Show her that if she had remained sinless, this curse of blood would never have come on her!”

BlondeHoney

September 26th, 2011
3:59 pm

No girls here, just boys, but have always been open and frank with both of them in that area (age appropriately of course); their Dad did a great job with the boy stuff and I handled letting them know all about girls. Even now, my 26 year old is so comfortable talking to me he even came to me for advice about an issue with his & my daughter-in-law’s sex life (!!!) that was an interesting conversation… :)

Miss Priss!

September 26th, 2011
4:00 pm

The Activities of Leonard

Even though they’re held on Friday afternoons after school, I like faculty meetings. It’s satisfying to share ideas and chit-chat with like-minded people after a week of sharing ideas and chit-chatting with wild-minded children.

Of particular note on Friday’s agenda was the news of a student named Leonard who has recently been locking himself in the school’s activity room and masturbating. Leonard locks both doors, it was explained by the teacher who’s been catching him, and masturbates in there.

All the teachers and the headmaster and the school’s principal mushed their lips up and looked at each other. To my surprise, no one started laughing or pointing at each other … or making that familiar hand gesture.

It was then calmly explained by the teacher that she’s going to meet with Leonard and his parents next week to explain that at his age it’s okay to masturbate, but not at school.

And then we ate some hubcap-sized cookies.

itpdude

September 26th, 2011
4:03 pm

@oneofeach: My parents were not equipped for the sex-talk at all, opted me out of much of sex-ed at school (do they still have permission slips?), and said, furiously at me, “if you want to know something, ask one of us. What do you want to know???!!!???” I replied with, “nothing.”

Thank goodness for porn I snuck with my buddies and loose girls. I would not have learned a thing.without either. Between my parents keeping me out of sex-ed at school and not really being willing to have the talk with me, I’m completely auto-didactic regarding sex, with the help of porn and some slutty girls.

Parents really should not have the option to opt out of sex ed for their kids unless they can demonstrate they’ve educated their kids themselves.

Razz

September 26th, 2011
4:39 pm

It is never too early to have the period discussion. I started mine when I was 9 years old, luckily we had just watched a video about it in Girl Scouts with our moms so I knew what was happening…but never expected it to happen so soon!

nora

September 26th, 2011
4:55 pm

I’m just glad that:

1. I had all sons

and

2. They are all grown

Whew! Whatever I did right or wrong in this department is water under the bridge at this point. Did we ever have an embarrassing (on both sides) “sit down and discuss” on this issue? NO! Did they learn this stuff in Sex Ed at school, from their friends, and on the streets (joking!!!)? YES! Did they eventually figure it all out without a lot of drama? Of course. They are married and have children of their own now. Am I worried because I didn’t have frank talks with them including excruciatingly intricate details and anatomically correct names of body parts? NO! All’s well that ends well and I’m satisfied with that.

BTW, my mom copped out and gave me a book to explain puberty. I’m freaking glad she did because I wouldn’t have died to hear her telling me all that in graphic detail. YUCK! And for the record, I figured it all out with a minimum of drama myself. :)

catlady

September 26th, 2011
5:00 pm

I certainly agree, as a teacher, that this is a conversation that needs to take place at home. Unfortunately, it frequently does not.

"The pee comes from a different place"...

September 26th, 2011
5:31 pm

…Say it ain’t so…

motherjanegoose

September 26th, 2011
6:51 pm

Having a parent tell you things that will help you navigate your future, is not something I was afforded. With sex education or most things in life. As someone who is over 50, I find that many things my parents thought and told me were simply NOT correct and often foolish: northerners are more intelligent than southerners, you will never be able to balance your own checkbook, you cannot have a career and be a mother, and so much more. I have learned a LOT being out and about and I was determined to be honest and forthright with my children. I did not want them figuring out for themselves. Was is awkward…YES…embarrassing….SURE…but we try to have open communication…something I still do not have with my own Dad….sad but true.

Sarah

September 26th, 2011
7:53 pm

Unfortunately, we are having these talks with my daughter and she is only 6!!! She got breast buds at 5 and serious under arm odor by her 6th birthday. So far, no pubic hair, THANK GOD! We are seeing an endocrinologist for precocious puberty. So count your lucky stars if you are lucky enough to be explaining this to an 10, 11, or 12 year old. I would LOVE to be in your shoes!

catlady

September 26th, 2011
8:25 pm

Jeff, good for you. My BF’s mother unloaded the whole wagon of hay on her sister, when, at the age of 8, she asked her mom “Why are they selling napkins in here, when they bring napkins to the table?” in a restaurant after church. What a shock! One simple question, and she finds out ALL about it! Not only scarred her, but my BF remembered it painfully years later.

[...] What details about puberty are you leaving out? Posted in Panties | Tagged bad behavior, failure, girls, loose jeans, manhood, puberty [...]

Melanie

September 26th, 2011
10:39 pm

The best book I have found is by two physicians, and it’s called Girlology’s There’s Something New About You. It has cute stories that my 8 year old AND 10 year old daughters could both relate to. Following each story, they describe the details in simple terms, but with complete honesty and a good dose of girl-humor. It’s a GREAT way to start those talks, and it helped me and my daughters tremendously. Their facebook page is pretty entertaining and supportive for moms as well.