Who stays home when a child is sick?
Lilina came down with a cold and couldn’t go to preschool last Wednesday. It wasn’t a big deal because I was at home, just like it’s been for the last 10 years. Anything I needed to do could be arranged around caring for my sick 4-year old.
By Thursday afternoon I was getting worried. She didn’t seem significantly better, and I didn’t think her preschool would even let her through the door on Friday. However, Friday I had to be at school teaching for five hours.
I wasn’t sure how Michael would react. I’m not making very much teaching but I really can’t miss a day since it’s just one day a week.
I was surprised when Michael said it wouldn’t be a problem for him to take Lilina with him until I could get her after class. (My class starts earlier than he has to be at work.)
I have a friend with several employees, and one of the dads is always the one to take off. It drives my friend crazy – why can’t the mom take off sometimes?
My sister-in-law and brother often split who stays home. I think it depends a lot on how sick the child is. If you’re really sick, then you get mom!
How do you decide who is staying home with a sick child? Do you go back and forth? Does it depend on who has the more rigid schedule that particular day? Who has more days off? Who makes more? Who has the more understanding boss?
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72 comments Add your comment
sp
August 31st, 2011
1:58 pm
The nanny takes care of it when it’s sick.
atlmom1
August 31st, 2011
2:44 pm
Right now, me. As I’m the stay at home parent. When we were both working, we had full time care (nanny for a few years and then an au pair), so it wasn’t really an issue, unless one of them had to go to a doctor. Man, it was TOUGH when both of us were working, even though we had full time help at home *and* one or the other of us lived close to work. We are *not* doing that again. I don’t know how any of you do it! I really am in awe.
BUT I completely disagree with Clay. Like, um, wow. Judge much!? We have had to REALLY stretch with only one of us working, but it’s been worth it. Til now, when I’m home all day. And I really need to go back to work. I am in a field where there are TONS of jobs. And I’m looked at not so well by some hiring mgrs/recruiters because I’ve been off for a few years…even though they don’t have a lot of other people to look at!!! I can only imagine what it’s like in a field where there is a lot of competition…
Clay
August 31st, 2011
3:18 pm
Margaret–trust me, you’ll wake up one day and say “He was right!” You can afford it, raise your kids.
Amy in the ATL–all kids would rather stay home–too bad too many don’t know anything else.
@Clay–if you look at what you earn less taxes and costs associated with working, your pay may be doing nothing but paying for daycare. Your kids are being raised by strangers and getting strep throat every other week for no economic benefit.
Jarvis–thanks for contributing. The whole world now knows what kind of person you are–didn’t Mark Twain say something like it’s better to keep your mouth shut and have others think you’re a fool than to open your mouth and erase all doubt?
JATL–you’re very observant. I put my kids first.
Me–that post was so crazy it couln’t possible be true. If it is true, you did your kids a favor by sending them off to be raised by strangers.
Becky–whatever makes you feel better. You’ll never get your lost time with your children back.
atlmom1–I’m not judging. You did what we did. You know it’s the right thing to do. Parents continuing to work so they can buy all the luxuries they don’t really need are the folks I’m talking to.
jarvis
August 31st, 2011
3:46 pm
Yes indeed Clay. The whole world now knows that I’m a terrific judge of character that can spot a “man satchel” carrying douche from a mile away.
Margaret
August 31st, 2011
3:47 pm
Clay, I’m still laughing over the fact that you seem to think that I continue to work so I can “buy all the luxuries.” How I wish your absurd and obnoxious assumption were true! Trust me, I will not wake up one day and realize that you were right. I will wake up everyday in the mean time and breathe a sigh of relief that my husband and I have stable jobs with child-friendly policies, retirement benefits, and health insurance that allow us to pay the mortgage, keep food on the table, and spend quality time with our daughter.
Now I’ve responded to you in a thoughtful adult fashion. See how it’s done? Maybe you’ll pick up some skills you can teach your kids.
Margaret
August 31st, 2011
3:51 pm
Jarvis, I prefer “murse” (man + purse)
JJ
August 31st, 2011
3:57 pm
AMEN Margaret….
My luxuries are as follows:
Roof over our heads
food on the table
cars to drive
gas for the cars
electricity/cable/water/gas
But my absolute most favorite luxury is GROCERIES!!!!!
Trust me, my child turned out just fine being in daycare for the first 5 years of her life……but they didn’t raise her….I DID!!!! They just watched her for a while so I could get out and make a living, to give her the above-mentioned “luxuries”.
MamaBee
August 31st, 2011
4:04 pm
It really depends on who can get the time off. My spouse has 2 days off during the week, so we try to schedule appointments around that to make things flexible. If my son is sick and Grandmom is available, he goes there, if not, I try to save up enough sick time for coverage. Now that he’s started kindergarten, I gotta look at my schedule for the days and weeks he has off from school that are not sick related. Those folks that can stay home while one person works, fine, whatever floats your boat. But some people are not lucky to have cushioney savings to pinch off from, or grandparents in the same town or even a 2 parent household. Those folks who are working everyday to make a better life for their kids shouldn’t be frowned upon because they can’t take 2- 5 years off and stay home with their kids.
Becky
August 31st, 2011
4:18 pm
@Clay..I spend every evening with my two and every weekend..I go eat lunch with them at least once per week..I think them being in school away from me isn’t going to cause them to much emotional damage in life..
They are both very active in plannig anything that we do together..They help us plan out vacations, our dinners, any movies that we watch, what we do on weekends and blah, blah..
They are nine and I’m very aware that in a few years, they won’t want to spend that uch time with Nanny and Poppy, so I am enjoying the heck out of it now..
As for the luxuries that you talk about..News flash..I don’t have an IPhone, no computer (at home), no Coach bag..I drive a car that is 12 years old..I buy all my purses at either Goodwill or Value Village..I will not give more than $5.00 for a purse..So if it makes you feel better to snub your nose up at me for working, have at it..I feel just fine thank you..
homeschooler
August 31st, 2011
7:39 pm
I believe Clay specifically stated that some people are not able to stay at home and directed his comments to those who choose lifestyle over time with their children. I have to agree with him. My husband and I waited 10 yrs to marry and 3 more to have kids because we knew that we never wanted our children to be in daycare. We saved, and planned. It just so happened that I got an evening position just before our son was born so I ended up with the best of both worlds. We are one of those couples who deserately needs my insurance benefits as my husband is self employed so, I see that point. I also see the benefits of being able to provide my kids with activities, trips, etc. But those things are “extras” and I would give them up in a minute if it meant my husband and I would both be gone all day.
I worked in very “good” daycare centers for years and can tell you, the kids are fine but not as fine as they would be at home. You do what you have to do. If you find yourself in a position in which you have to put your child in daycare to take care of your responsibilities I commend you for meeting those responsibilities. Many people don’t. Others, I think, just do what is expected. Two working parents, child in daycare 9 hrs a day all to pay for that 5 bedroom house and 2 car payments.
And although all that is a bit off topic, I will say, kids wouldn’t be so darn sick all the time if it were not for daycare. And parents wouldn’t have to stress about trying to meet both work and parenting responsibilities if they didn’t stretch themselves so thin.
We are living in a world where every other week there is a story about a forgotten child left in a car with loving parents who just forgot, because they are trying to do too much. Slow down..IF YOU CAN. I don’t know anyone who ever regretted staying home for a while. Again, I’m not talking to those who have no choice.
tracey
August 31st, 2011
7:43 pm
my husband and i just took turns. and then after my mother in law retired, they could go to her house.
Slick
August 31st, 2011
7:50 pm
@Jarvis ……“man satchel carrying douche”
LOL. That’s funny right there.
djs_NC
August 31st, 2011
9:21 pm
as a single mom it was always me who stayed home. when my kids were little i worked at a job with no paid days off…so if they were sick no money that day. now that they are grown and gone i have great pto benefits, 16 days per year that roll over. im very excited to be able to actually look forward to a paid vacation instead of unpaid days off taking care of a sick child. too bad i didnt have that then when i really needed it. not only were the days off unpaid-the boss was very not-understanding of time off for sick kids-so i had that fear of losing my job over having to be there for my kids when they were sick.
Nanny
September 1st, 2011
10:29 am
easy, my husband had sick leave days and I didn’t.
MMOT
September 1st, 2011
11:15 am
We shouldn’t criticize other parents on their choices. It’s just rude and across all wrong. As a parent you do what you think is best for you and your family depending on your situation. And your situation could have many factors that all play apart in your decision.
As for me and my husband, it depends on the time of the month since we are both in accounting/finance related fields. Sometimes depending on which daughter and the severity of the issue, we split the days. Other times it depends on what’s going on in the office. We can both do doctor visits but it’s mostly me. But our pediatrician and the other nurses love to see our girls come in with daddy. The girls feel more protected with daddy than mommy. :) But my husband doesn’t do vomit and diarrhea well so that’s usually all me. :)
And just as a note, giving up my iPad 2 and/or iPhone isn’t going to make a significant differences in the financial stability of my family. We both have to work regardless to the toys we decide to buy for ourselves. We like them and work hard to afford them. It’s called saving and managing your money. Stop being so judgemental of others and their things.
MMOT
September 1st, 2011
11:22 am
*It’s just rude and comes across all wrong. ~ my error
Jaye
September 1st, 2011
1:21 pm
My husband and I split those responsibilities as we both were fortunate enough to have jobs with PTO days.
Vickie
September 1st, 2011
1:31 pm
Sometimes the child lives lives with one parent and the other is not involved in the child’s life. My nephew lives with his dad. I am the aunt and I work evenings so that someone is available when this happens.
Lady Strange
September 1st, 2011
1:36 pm
No choice here, unless I can get a grandma to help out then it’s me (since I’m divorced) and dad feels no obligation to help out in instances like this. I’ve lost quite a few vacation days to my son being sick. But that’s just part of being a parent.
Mother As Well
September 1st, 2011
2:07 pm
Must be nice to have a choice! As a divorced mother – I had to take off as there was no one else.
My 2 cents
September 1st, 2011
2:27 pm
I think folk should stop justifying how they raise their kids to Clay. Truth be told, he probably got fired and it took him that long to find another job. He says he is wise enough to take off and raise his kids himself but not wise enough to understand everyone raises their kids differently. Some can stay at home, some cannot stay at home, and according to Forbes and other research articles, it’s taken both parents to work to support the family for decades so I’m more apt to think Clay couldn’t work so he was Mr. Mom.
glader
September 2nd, 2011
10:27 pm
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I currently am running two blogs, one is for design & development and I have a pagerank of 4 on it and I have loads of good articles. . And I have another blog where I have rants, health tips and photography.. . Should I merge them or should I keep it …