Report: Older guys having second set of kids
While Momania’s Theresa Walsh Giarrusso takes a vacation, local dad and sportswriter Andy Johnston will be filling in. He loves war movies, obsesses over his fantasy baseball team and makes a mean stir-fry. You can e-mail him at ajcmomania@gmail.com.
Andy and his son Ty.
There was a story in USA Today a couple of weeks ago that grabbed my attention.
It was about guys with older kids from their first marriage and who had then remarried and now are raising their second set of children.
While the article didn’t necessarily apply to me, at 45, I’m older than most men who have 5-year-olds. I was 32 when I got married and nearly 40 when Ty was born, so now, five years later, it’s sometimes tough to find the energy I need to keep up with him.
One of the guys quoted in the article was 60-year-old Greg Weinlein, a retired high school English teacher who has two kids who are 43 and 37 and two other ones who are 11 and 7. BTW, he also has grandsons who are 8 and 14.
One expert called it “serial paternity” and the term “sequential families” was used.
This part was particularly interesting:
“Dads raising kids under 18 do indeed spend more time in child care today than in earlier decades, finds a report released by the Pew Research Center, which analyzed data from the 2006-2008 National Survey of Family Growth collected from 13,495 respondents ages 15-44.
In 1965, married fathers with kids under 18 at home spent an average of 2.6 hours a week caring for their children. The amount of time rose to 2.7 hours a week in 1975 and 3 hours a week in 1985. From 1985 to 2000, the amount of time these fathers spent with their children more than doubled, to 6.5 hours a week.”
Several of the older dads say they are more patient with their younger set of children than they were with their first and that they are spending more time in the gym to try to find that elusive duo of energy and longevity.
More power to them, but I couldn’t imagine raising kids and then bringing up some more about 25 years later.
What do you think of this phenomenon?
Do you know older men who are raising their second or third set of kids? How do they do it?
- By Andy Johnston, for the Momania blog
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63 comments Add your comment
motherjanegoose
June 28th, 2011
2:21 pm
@ Wayne….it is great to be greeted by those who love you! “Daddy’s home”… is what I say to the dog. She is VERY thick with my husband and it is a riot.
mom2alex&max
June 28th, 2011
2:21 pm
Wayne: I didn’t have to sign, but for sure the guy wanted me there for the consultation. He wouldn’t have been able to give me the pen fast enough if he wanted me to sign. I was ALL for it. And haven’t regretted it!
homeschooler
June 28th, 2011
2:46 pm
I know several men in this situation. In each situation, it seems that they are doing a much better job with the second set of children. Usually it is because the first time they were in their twenties with a young wife, little experience and little money. Fast forward 20 yrs and they marry a more mature woman, they are more settled and it works out well. I agree that it is a bit selfish for a man to have a child after 50 or so but, 30’s and 40’s is pretty much the norm now. (Really, a dad at 40 is…..young)
A few of these men divorced after having a complete family and a vasectomy. They remarried younger women who said “It’s okay, I don’t want children” (yeah, right) They have had vasectomy reversals and more children in their late 40’s. Just to appease the new wife. Again, they seem to be better fathers the second time around. Not sure if it is society or maturity. (just a side note… every man I’m referring to is a police officer or in some sort of law enforcement…hmmm maybe another study needs to be done).
Tina
June 28th, 2011
3:04 pm
Off topic but because there are plenty of people to way in, I would like to know if anyone knows how much they pay for you to appear on Court TV? We have a small claim against a guy and got a letter from them yesterday asking us to the Judge Joe Brown show. They offer hotel, airline, meals and an appearance fee….just wondering what the fee may be and if it will be worth time off from work.
Cobb Woman of Color
June 28th, 2011
3:24 pm
I am a single mom and had twins, my only children, in my mid-forties.
Tina
June 28th, 2011
3:26 pm
oops, that is weigh in…been a long day
Tuckergirl
June 28th, 2011
3:40 pm
Reminds me of this bit of dialogue in “When Harry Met Sally”.
Sally: “Charlie Chaplin had children in his 80s.”
Harry: “Yeah but he was too old to pick ‘em up.”
catlady
June 28th, 2011
4:52 pm
My ex-husband remarried and had a child at the age of about 45. While he did somethings a little better with this second time, it was because he had married a lazy alcoholic and someone had to parent a bit. It lasted a few years, then he fell back into his old ways. The boy has brought himself up, and I expect he will father a child in the next year (he will soon be 15) as he is having sex and his parents are aware. He needs/ed two involved parents.
Kat
June 28th, 2011
10:45 pm
@Tina: I don’t know about the appearance fee that you would get, but there IS a difference between “Court TV” and “Judge Joe Brown.” JJB is one of the many, many judge shows in the afternoon; whereas, Court TV is a full-time channel devoted to court shows.
DB
June 29th, 2011
12:20 am
@Tina: When we were approached a few years ago, they offered all expenses, and then you were paid as a “performer,” and if you lost, payment was taken out of your “performance fees”. You also had to sign an agreement to withdraw your small-claim court suit and agree to what is essentially binding arbitation — it’s not a legal process. Another was is that there is a fund set aside for each case, the winner gets the money they were suing for, and the two sides split the remaining money — that way, no one loses, but one person does “win”. I don’t know — I just remember laughing at them when they called and said there was no way in a July snowstorm that they could get me on one of those shows! Plus, a trip to NYC was NOT an inducement to my DH, who hates the place with a passion. But if you want a fun free day or two in NYC, it may be worth the loss of a little dignity :-) The screener was a little offended when I laughed and said no — but oh, well. We ended up winning in court, plus court costs. Google Judge Joe Brown — there’s a hilarious recap of a fake case that one guy made up about some Las Vegas strippers at a bachelor being male instead of female, the guy and his friend faked all the evidence. Apparently he shopped it to various shows, and since it had sex and nekkid women as the topic, the shows were all panting to have him on their show!
Tina
June 29th, 2011
11:35 am
DB – This one is in California and it’s 2 nights 3 days. I have extreme reservations about it but DH would love to go to Cali so I’m considering it. It’s a pretty simple case where the guy wrote us a bad check for work performed so I think the judge would hammer on him the most part but either way, hubby is doing all the talking.
DB
June 29th, 2011
3:06 pm
Tina: Just remember, they don’t really CARE who is right — they are only interested in putting on situations where the “judge” can make smart-alek cracks at the individuals’ expense. Plus, there’s very little defense if the other party comes in with faked “evidence” — that’s why they often turn into “he said/she said” issues. But still, it’s a free trip to Cali!
Tina
June 29th, 2011
4:13 pm
Being a free trip to Cali would be the only reason I would do it…believe me!! Thanks for all your info though.