Summer is here, so what’s the plan? Thrilled or worried?

Tiger…you are correct. as parents, we all make choices. Our kids make their own car payment, pay for gas and all of their spending money. Some parents give them a car and they pay the insurance and gas. Absolutely a choice for each parent. But to let a child sit home and enjoy their last summers during HS and college is not our choice.

JMB…does your child make a car payment AND insurance? I am really impressed.

I too drove a dive in HS and college. I do not feel safe giving the kids a BOMB, again that is my choice. They each made a $1000 down payment, which I matched and they make the payments. They have a 1999 ( long paid for) and 2002 vehicle. It was much calmer in the country than it is here in the metro. Not many rapes and muggings.

I paid my parents $20 per week to live with them, from the time I was 16. That was over 30 years ago!

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GOOD FOR HER. I am not sure many high school graduates are doing the same while in college. I see you did give her the first car and I am sure that helped some. Again, we all make choices…from funding everything to funding nothing and if it works for you…then that is fine. I do not want mine moving back home after they finish college with no plans or future in mind. BUT is may happen….I do what I think is best. It may take a few months to land a job but that will be o.k, as long as it is not permanent! Outta here to Kindergarten.

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JJ: Is your daughter in good health? No chance of drug involvement? If she seems unusually sluggish she might need an adult physical with bloodwork. I am not asking to be mean, just wondering what could be going on with her. Is she making expected progress toward a degree? ARe her grades good? My first reaction would be concern before anger, but you know what is normal for her and I don’t!

MJG knows I differ markedly with her on this. I did not work until a week after I graduated college (ten days after I turned 21. I finished in 3 years). Oh, sure, I occasionally babysat, but mostly my job was school. I spent the summers going to school, plus reading and helping out when I was home. With my own kids that is pretty much how we did it also, and I don’t regret it a bit. They helped in the garden, worked in the yard, volunteered at church and in the neighborhood, read, followed their interests. One summer one of my daughters stayed at school and took a course she was dreading. All of them did some part time work in the summer before graduation and during the school year as seniors in college–waiting tables, daycare, surveying. I felt like their “job” was college for the 4 years (they went to private colleges and HAD to finish in 4 years–too expensive not to). I did not expect them to pay for anything but their amusements and clothes. Different things work for different families.

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@DB – I’m not sure where I defended her. I’m so upset with this kid.

When she was ending her college time, about 2 months ago, I informed her that she had two weeks after she got home, to find a job, or she would lose her car. As a struggling single parent, I cannot afford to gas up two vehicles, one of which is used for “play” (my daughter’s). I need her to get a job, so she can take over the gas money, and insurance on her car. It’s now been a month, and there’s no job. I don’t know if she is being honest with me about looking or not, since I’m at work all day.

She thought she had secured a job at Taco Mac, and did nothing else to look for a job for two weeks. She interviewed with two managers, they liked her but said they had to wait for the General Manager to return from a two week trip to Europe, to make the final decision. GM is back, has been back for two weeks, and still nothing. Taco Mac has not come through, and now there are a ton of high schoolers out looking for jobs too. So there’s quite a bit of competition for the sparse amount of jobs out there.

My daughter has a lazy gene (from her father). She has no motivation. As long as I continue to fund her summer, she will not look for work, and will continue to drain me financially (while I do without). After the third week of her being home, and NOT looking for a job, I had had enough, and took her car. She will not run around and play with her friends on my dime, while I’m busting my a$$ to keep above the water line…..I have not had a raise in over 6 years, but the cost of EVERYTHING is going up. I simply cannot keep up with it all. I suppose I could do what my ex sister in law did, and go find a man willing to pay my bills. I don’t work like that, and I prefer to pay my own way in this world, not some “sugar daddy”.

So, without a job, she is without a car and no money. I thought THAT would motivate her, but apparently I was wrong. This child has seen me get up every single day and go to work. I have been at my current job for 19 years. She has never seen me lay around, waiting for something to happen. I guess that’s why I’m so frustrated.

I’m very proud of her for completing two years of college, but I’m getting very disappointed in her quest for employment, or lack thereof.

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I can understand JJ’s frustration. Mine called earlier today, said she got in trouble for being rude to a customer and that she might get fired. In her warped mind it is no big deal. I think she was trying to make it sound like “no biggie” if she got fired to make herself feel better and to justify wanting to hang out with her friends who don’t have jobs.

I was babysitting at 13, working in fast food at 15, out of the house at 17 and have been paying my way since 15. Nothing was given to me, I had to buy my car, pay for insurance and thankfully there were no cell phones back then.

I know times are tough, finding a job is not easy. But not caring if she gets fired really upset me. I know everyone has bad days, maybe she was rude or maybe the customer was just in a bad mood, either way she was in the wrong. How do you get you child to understand jobs are hard to come be, life is not a extended summer vacation and nothing is for free.

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I am thrilled summer is here! I’m absolutely exhausted from this school year. I’ve told my oldest that she needs to find some kind of a job. Last year she did an internship. It didn’t pay, but I didn’t care. I want her to get some work experience under her belt. She is trying to do the same this year. When do goes off to college next year, I expect the same. I don’t mind footing the bill if she’s working toward her future. I don’t want her working in college. I did and it was extremely hard, particularly for my major, which will be hers as well. Oh, but she will be going to an out of state camp in July for two weeks. This is a first and I’m already a little sad.

My youngest will be in camp. I can’t afford to feed him, so camp is probably cheaper lol!

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@LM..From your second paragraph on, you and I are just alike..No one has ever given me anything..I never expected it though..I have an older sister that thinks the world owes her for being alive..As for giving to your kids while they are in college, I think it’s great to help them, but not support them 100%..My coworker’s daughter isn’t allowed to work while she’s in college because she has 2 classes per day and is in band, so that doesn’t give the girl enough time to work and study..Hmmm..

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And almost as nice ;-)

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MJG, yes, we did give her the first car. Hubby does body work for a car lot so we got it for around 4k and after driving it a year, she sold it for 4k so it worked out well for her down payment. I am very proud of her but like I said, I’m struggling daily with my 16 (almost 17) year old. I just don’t understand how 3 kids can be raised in the same house with the same values and turn out so different. I have a feeling my youngest won’t even graduate high school but I’m still pushing. I’ve been praying for this last day of school because it’s litterally worn me out trying to get her up in the mornings and keep her there through the day. I’m hoping that over the summer she may get her head straight for next year but time will tell. Does anyone else have such a difference in their children? Sometimes I think she got switched at birth lol

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None of me or my 5 younger siblings worked before age 16 (and that was only during the summer in high school) , no one worked during the school year. We all went to college and have great paying jobs/careers. My parents wanted us to concentrate on our studies, not worry about making money and paying bills as teens. Not working as teens has nothing to do with your outcome as an adult as long as you have strong role models within the household, you will be alright. At least it worked for us…..

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SHE’S ON HER WAY TO AN INTERVIEW!!!!! A friend is driving her…..PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep fingers crossed and send good thoughts!!!!!!!

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LOL JJ, maybe she finally realized you weren’t joking! Hope the interview goes well.

@jmb – aren’t personalities wonderful (or maybe wonderfully frustrating is more correct)? I am always amazed at families who have 3 or more children who all turn out to be wonderful students, self-motivated and successful. I just don’t think it’s the norm.

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Becky, I just read that a round cut 20.5 carat diamond has roughly the same diameter as a nickel.
http://thebridesguide.marthastewartweddings.com/2011/05/wowsa-a-20-5-carat-engagement-ring.html

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I agree jmb. Summer couldn’t come soon enough. Mornings here are impossible and it is impossible to push or motivate my second child. The phrase “pushing string” comes to mind. Even teachers are shocked at the differences in my 3 older children.

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@mom2alex&max: When I am discussing summer employment, I’m talking about about a part-time job, not a 40-50 hour a week job. A few hours a week job gives them experience working for someone else, being at someone else’s beck and call, having to bend to someone else’s schedule, and gives them their own money to do with as they see fit.

My daughter wanted to work while in college — she had a 12-15 hour a week job for her freshman and sophomore year and she loved the independence her own cash gave her, even though she had to really struggle to fit in rehearsals, her extra-curriculars and study time. We talked about it for next year, and she’s going to take a semester off from working — she’s got a tough year coming up, her grades are superb, and she wants to keep them that way.

My son worked over the summers while he was in college, but he made sure that he was maximizing his income during the summer so that he wouldn’t have to work during the school year — he understood that his summer money was his discretionary income over the year. The only time he asked us for money in four years was money towards his spring break trip senior year, and even that was only a partial amount.

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This is the only time of the year I hate working! I sincerely have enjoyed going back to work, but it kills me to miss summer vacation with my kids. I would love to do the activity jar and hang out at the pool with them most days -but -if I don’t work then we really don’t have any money to do anything anyway! They’re going to be having a great time on tons of field trips doing day camp everyday and hitting the pool all the time, but I won’t be there for it! I’m hoping next year after I’ve logged some time at my new job that I can take a day or two off of vacation most weeks during the summer -in addition to our summer trip -so I can do some regular fun stuff with them.

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@Poor Mom – I’m glad you have an able-bodied son who is able to help his family. Thanks for posting- it’s a somber reminder for most of us who are blessed to be able to pay our bills without our children’s contribution. I’m sure your son is an outstanding young man who will make a great role model and dad (one day) who supports his family unlike his dad.

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Oooh, I missed this blog yesterday…I like this topic (and all of the discussion). Summer vacation starts for my husband, who is a teacher, at the end of June (and he goes back after Labor Day). He works for his dad during the summers, painting and doing carpentry. Once we have kids, it will be nice having him off during the summers because we won’t have to pay for childcare then – if he does choose to work for his dad (AKA if our financial situation requires it), something tells me that Grandma will be happy to watch the babes. :)

I didn’t have a “real” job until I was 19 – I started baby-sitting and worked at a daycare when I was 13 or 14, but, with the daycare, I was paid under the table and had no set hours (so, I didn’t see it as a “real” job). I baby-sat throughout high school and made enough money to go to the movies with my friends, to the mall, and out to eat, so my parents didn’t pressure me to get a “real” job. When I was in high school, they told me that school needed to be my job. I did apply for a handful of retail jobs during the summers, but I was only called for an interview once (and the call was waiting on the answering machine when we returned from vacation; I called back and they had already filled the position).

I lived off of my graduation money for my first year of college and then got a job as a lab assistant (I majored in biology) during my sophomore year. I kept that job (I stayed at school and took classes during the summers) through graduation. It was nice to have a job that was relevant to my degree, but I know that not everyone is lucky enough to be able to do that.

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MJG, you’ve told us over and over again that your father doesn’t send presents. You said over and over again that he didn’t support you in college. I get that it hurts, but maybe it’s time to start letting some of that go. You’re happy, healthy, have a job you love, and children that you are obviously very, very proud of. Isn’t it time to stop whining about something as petty as not receiving adequate Christmas and birthday gifts from a now elderly parent? You can’t change who he is and continuing to dwell on this is only going to make you and your kids feel worse. I say this as someone who long go learned to be thrilled the years my father remembers to call on my birthday and happily accept the $5 WalMart compass he gave me for Christmas (he thought it was a good gift and wanted me to have it — I don’t need fancy things). You had unhappy parents, possibly mentally ill from what you described, but you ended up with a great life and wonderful family. Our childhoods weren’t perfect, but you and I turned out good and are living far more luxurious lives than most in this world. You’ve made it, baby — now stop complaining! :)

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Sad and excited. This is the end of the first year of my school, and it has been such a great journey for all of us. This summer will be busy with work on accreditation and curriculum planning for grades 6-12, plus rebuilding the website and organizing online AP classes. Big plans for next year! Just a little reflection on the year here:

http://honeyfern.ning.com/profiles/blogs/going-green-and-looking-ahead

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Amen, JJ.

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**Summer Adventure Challenge Boxes**

I give my children (9.5yo boy & 12yo girl) each a box filled with fun and “educational” things for them to do independently. I also include a list of weekly things for them to accomplish. They have to manage their time and keep track of completed tasks. If they meet their respective challenges, they get a reward of choice (w/n our budget) at the end of the summer.

Things in their boxes are varied and include: required reading, instrument practice, jigsaw puzzles, math 3x/week, learn to cook a new meal, write a letter to a relative & send it via snail mail, practice typing, build something, select books from a particular genre, ex. biography, etc. Each of the tasks are tailored to my children. I also include fun kits & books, ex. knot tying, how to read a compass/orienteering, Mini Weapons of Mass Destruction (**MUST HAVE** for boys http://www.amazon.com/Mini-Weapons-Mass-Destruction-Implements/dp/1556529538/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1306683715&sr=1-1).

In addition to the Summer Adventure Challenge Boxes, we’ll:
* Go white water rafting
* Go letterboxing
* Hang out at the pool
* take the kids to overnight camp
* watch & travel to my daughter’s soccer games

Happy summer!

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