More mom dilemmas on teacher gifts: You help decide!
We discussed Teacher Appreciation Week recently, but the teacher gift-giving dilemmas still continue as we approach the end of the school year.
I have heard from several moms regarding questions about end-of-the-year teacher presents, and I wanted to share those with you and get your opinion.
1. Should room moms ask for a certain amount for the present, such as $10 or $5? Or just leave it up to the family’s discretion? Does it help to know what the room moms need or just put pressure on you?
2. Should room moms have to say ahead of time what they will buy or is it OK to say in the note toward a class gift? (I think often the room moms are still figuring out what they are going to buy and just want to get the note out in time to get money back to see how much they can spend.)
3. Should the whole class be signed to the card even if only three or four families contribute? (I saw a recent posting about this on Facebook and was shocked at how many people weighed in to ONLY sign those children that contributed.)
4. Should there be a Teacher’s Appreciation present and an end-of the-year present or should the Teacher Appreciation present just count? (This is my whole argument that Teacher’s Appreciation Day should be either moved closer or further away from the end of the year. It could count for both if it was the last week of school and there isn’t much learning going on then anyway.)
5. Should the teacher’s present be something personal for the teacher or a present for the classroom?
6. Should it be some memory of the class – such as handprints on a blanket or photograph in a frame of the class – or at that point the teacher is ready to just move on? (I did do a Shutterfly photo album for Walsh’s kindergarten teacher that was basically his class yearbook, and it turned out precious. I think especially because kindergarten has so many activities and not just sitting around. It took a lot of time but his teacher really seemed to like it. Also other parents bought it. However, would the teacher rather had had a gift card to Red Lobster? As room mom I’ve done both types of gifts.)
So give us your opinion on these teacher appreciation/end-of-school dilemmas. How would you handle each? What has worked for you in the past?
– Theresa Walsh Giarrusso, ajc.com Momania. I have increased my Twitter activity. I am sending out great stories for moms each day focusing on health, fitness, sex, entertainment, food, travel and obviously parenting! So follow me on Twitter at @AJCMOMania!)
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82 comments Add your comment
Renee S
May 12th, 2011
1:22 am
I’m room Mom this year for my son’s 3rd grade class. I asked for $409(X-30 kids) in the beginning of the school year. So much better to ask for money up front then tracking people down again and again. The class fund was for Halloween,Christmas,Valentines party, Spring party, the fund included all special crafts,games, and food needed. Also included Teacher Appreciation Week and her gifts at the Holidays. I also use some of the money for our class auction basket not much because I get a lot donated from a spa. Now at the end of the year we will use the extra money for a End of the year Pizza party,games and any extra money will get the teacher a gift card and thats that. Parents love how I did this and give me a lot of thank you’s (: I do spend A LOT of my time for all this room Mom stuff but it’s for the kids.
Mom of 3 year old, 8 and 10.
Renee S
May 12th, 2011
1:23 am
OOOOps that was $40. each student
malleesmom
May 12th, 2011
5:55 am
Since teacher appreciation week just happened why is there a need for another gift? This just seems like overkill IMO. I really like Renee S’ idea of the one time donation to cover all events. I
some guy
May 12th, 2011
7:46 am
let’s be honest. no one wants a gift certificate to red lobster.
madmommy
May 12th, 2011
7:47 am
I am doing the end of year gifts for our teachers at pre-school, but only what people can give and will only write in the names of the children who’s parents donate. Most parents are doing their own thing so we only have a few of us doing a group gift. We are giving gifts based on what the teachers like mostly in the form of gift cards and flowers. I do think some go over board with things and I’m hoping next year to get a jump on things so we can give a more personal gift.
Ps. Don’t forget dance teachers and coaches who also work with your children. They are all shaping our kids in one way or another.
jarvis
May 12th, 2011
8:18 am
We give generously to our teachers, coaches, and instructors. My wife being a teacher, we know first hand how much this sort of notion is appreciated.
That said, I very much dislike my daugher’s first grade teacher. If it were up to me, we wouldn’t be giving her squat. On the other hand, my wife does work with this woman, and the whole co-worker relationship could be made uncomfortable….so I have the feeling my wife will give whatever the room mom asks for.
Techmom
May 12th, 2011
8:24 am
When my son was in 7th grade, I organized the class gifts at Christmas and asked each family to donate $20. This covered all 3 of the ‘team’ teachers as well as small gifts for a couple of the other teachers that all the students had. The teachers seemed to like it (I think it was nice for them to receive a $50 gift card to their favorite restaurant versus a $5 gift card for Starbucks, a candle, some soap from Bath & Body Works, etc.). I told the parents that we would buy each teacher a gift card for their favorite restaurant.
I think the gifts should be for the teacher versus a classroom gift.
@madmommy – what kind of gifts do you propose to give to teachers and coaches? I feel a little cheap giving someone a $10 gift but quite frankly, I don’t have a lot of money to spare at the moment.
JJ
May 12th, 2011
8:26 am
Here we go again…….I’m out!!
Techmom
May 12th, 2011
8:26 am
@madmommy – I meant ‘dance’ teachers or ‘other’ teachers (non-classroom teachers).
jarvis
May 12th, 2011
8:29 am
Thanks for the input JJ. I was wondering what your take would be on this. If you hadn’t come on here to comment that you won’t be commenting, I’d have been looking for you all day. Thanks for putting my mind at ease.
Metro Coach
May 12th, 2011
8:32 am
some guy- speak for yourself my friend, I’ll take all the Red Lobster gift cards I can stuff in my pockets. As far as end of the year gifts, I think it should be up to the parents if they want to do something or not. Like jarvis was saying, some kids/parents don’t like their teacher, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Either way, whether parents give individual gifts or if they collaborate and get one bigger gift teachers do appreciate the thought, and truthfully, in 5 or 6 years, they aren’t going to remember which kid did or didn’t give a gift, but they do remember their students, good or bad.
Gwinnett Mom
May 12th, 2011
8:42 am
In GCPS, you cannot ask parents for a specific amount. You have to ask for a voluntary donation in any amount and the gift has to be from the whole class. All notes home and asking for money must go through the front office for approval.
# 2 is often the scenario in this case. Room moms keep receipts so that they can prove what was bought for the teacher.
BufordMom
May 12th, 2011
8:45 am
Why must we feel the pressure to give something to everyone who comes in contact with our children? I need to take a second mortage for this stuff.
Dance teachers, coaches, teachers, how about the janitors? Does anyone ever think of them. They are the ones keeping your childs environment clean……..
What about the principal? The secretaries? The volunteers? And the lunch ladies? Will it ever end?
I send in one gift during teacher appreciation week, and that’s it!!!!
motherjanegoose
May 12th, 2011
8:45 am
JJ…did you weigh in on the student loan thing this week? I think TWG has tried to appeal to parents of college kids too but perhaps I missed your post? I remember that you have a college student, as I do and a few others who are regulars.
Here are just a few things I know :)
Not all topics will relate to all readers…i.e. if TWG talked about dogs …not everyone has a dog.
If she talked about cats..I do not have a cat and am allergic to them ;(
Not all, who read this blog are kind…even me sometimes…I try to be kind to TWG but some posters get my dander up.
ON TOPIC…not all teachers like the same type of gift…while I am not a huge fan of Red Lobster, I would rather have their gift card than a quilt or a scrap book from the class. Maybe that is just me.
I preferred a gift for me/over the class but again, maybe that is just me.
When I taught, I did love the Christmas ornaments and I know that could have been JUST ME.
I gave gifts all the way through HS. When in HS, we gave a $5-10 gift card per teacher. Not much but if 1/3 of the kids would give a $5-10 gift and the teacher had 5 classes of 20 kids…that would be nice. I KNOW that this does not happen. I use the same logic for our mailman, we give him a $25 gift card each Christmas. Not sure if he gets one from many of the other homes in our 200 home neighborhood.
No, I do not think you need a gift for Teacher Appreciation and then the end of the year. That is too much for most families.
Yes, taking up $$$ for the entire year seems like a great idea!
NO…do not include those names who have not given, on the gift. I learned this lesson YEARS ago.
I was in charge of taking up $$ from teachers at our school. I would circulate a large envelope and it read:
WE ARE TAKING UP $5 FOR_______. If you want to contribute, sign your name and when you put your money in the envelope, circle your name. You need to get back to me by __________ to get $ in the envelope and only those who contribute will have their name on the card. I do not want to hound people for $. Thanks so much for participating.
Solved a lot of the hassles.
jarvis
May 12th, 2011
8:47 am
Gwinnett Mom, what do you mean “you can’t”? What are they going to do, punish you?
Enemas For Cash Now!!
May 12th, 2011
8:52 am
A bottle of scotch makes a great gift……Or maybe a Topsy Turvey Tomato Plant.
Enemas For Cash Now!!
May 12th, 2011
8:54 am
If someone gave me a Red Lobster gift card, I would punch them. That’s like half a step better than Golden Corral.
motherjanegoose
May 12th, 2011
8:59 am
@ Metro Coach…good to have you join us!
I AGREE that you do remember the children…good or bad. I frequently recall students I had 20 plus years ago, either with fond memories or a cringe :)
@ Buford…happy to see you too! Perhaps you could take in a bouquet of flowers for the entire office staff to enjoy or even purchase a $10 cake/cookies/cupcakes at Costco and drop it off…since you are near a Costco. Are you a member?
I took some roses, from my garden, to my Nail Salon last week and left them in a vase for the techs to enjoy. Did not cost me a thing but I just wanted to be kind. I also went to get my hair cut and the man I usually use was not in, so I had a new stylistb ( and a new hairdo). She told me that she has a toddler. I paid her, tipped her and went to my car and got her two new books for her son. I ALWAYS have books in my car lol! I made her promise that she would read them and she did.
KINDNESS IS THE OIL THAT EASES THE FRICTION OF LIFE…I read this a few years ago and try my best to apply it! Some days, it is hard :(
Gwinnett Mom
May 12th, 2011
9:00 am
@ jarvis They can fire me if they’d like :)
Seriously, we can’t offend or place a burden on families. Even in good financial times, this is the policy. I just follow the rules and watch little money get sent in for a teacher’s gift and then try to buy them something they would like.
Do you guys ask for teacher “wish” lists at the first of the school year? Favorite flowers, resturants, even wants for the classroom?
JATL
May 12th, 2011
9:02 am
I think this has all gotten completely out of whack! Teacher Appreciation Week and end of year gifts, holiday gifts, etc. should all be left up to the individual. This month alone, it seems that every conceivable activity and money-spending venture a pre-k class could possibly do is being done. Of course this coincides with me being out of work for the past 2.5 months (starting a great new job on the 23rd) -so we’ve REALLY been watching the cash flow! For Teacher Appreciation, I took both the pre-k and the youngest’s preschool teachers boxes of their favorite snacks and a thank you card one day (This is 6 people total -gone are the days of one teacher). I wanted to do more, but it’s just simply not in the budget right now. One teacher loves one of my favorite perfumes, and I had an extra bottle of it that came in a gift set, so I gave it to her and another teacher loves what was one of my mother’s favorite perfumes that I don’t -and I didn’t know what to do with all of it -so I gave the unopened and unused stuff to that teacher. I decided I would save some $$$ for the end of the year and get them all gift cards to their favorite restaurants or stores -but I couldn’t do both gifts every day during appreciation week and end of the year stuff.
Often we have parents who send out emails asking for a certain monetary amount so we can go in on a group gift. Sometimes I do this and other times I don’t. Everyone has a different circumstance, and I know that in my oldest son’s pre-k, there are some parents who are barely scraping by at all -and they’re not starting new jobs soon. Given the new outfits for end of the year programs we’ve had to buy, special field day t-shirts, special field trip costs, special picnic day costs and special dance and breakfast with your kid costs over the last few weeks -I wouldn’t blame some of them if they didn’t do anything.
Quite honestly I was a bit put out that we were supposed to do all of this stuff for teacher appreciation week, but neither of my kids made one single thing -a handprint, a card -NOTHING in school for Mother’s Day! I appreciate the teachers, but it would have been nice to have some sweet little handmade tchotchka from my kids. So many kids in my son’s pre-k have single moms as parents, I really kind of felt for them because that would have been their one chance to get something from their child on Mother’s Day.
JATL
May 12th, 2011
9:04 am
@some guy -actually, one of my oldest’s pre-k teachers DOES want a gift card for Red Lobster! She specifically stated that as her favorite restaurant on a preferences sheet a room mother got them to fill out. That’s her end -of-the-year gift!
DB
May 12th, 2011
9:04 am
Please — no cutsey pictures, quilts, etc., etc. The teacher may have been special to you and your child — but that cute crap is the first stuff that gets tossed. Next year, it will be a whole new crop of kids and feelings, emotions and accomplishments, and this class will be relegated to its place in a long line of “former students”. After a long year, a day at the spa would be glorious, or something just for her/him and their interests. Perhaps a gift certificate at a knitting shop, if they like to knit, or maybe a bird bath for their garden. I heard one class who bought their (male) teacher a session at Atlanta Speedway racing a car, knowing he was a NASCAR fan. How cool was that?
I tend to agree with malleesmom — you just had Teacher Appreciation Week, and now you have to do an end-of-the-year gift? WTH?
Gwinnett Mom
May 12th, 2011
9:08 am
“The volunteers?”
We typically get a “breakfast” with items from Sam’s or Costo. The principal and PTA pres often make an appearance to tell you how valuable you are. Quite honestly, I never go. It always a bad time of year, just after Teacher Appreciation Week and honestly I am too tired or busy to attend.
I would rather hear Thank You’s from the parents in my classroom that I bust my butt for, but unfortunately I only get that from the few that contribute and participate!
JATL
May 12th, 2011
9:10 am
I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels “overtaxed” with Teacher Appreciation Week coming just before the end of the year! Perhaps the Hallmark Holiday/school calendar folks who set this type of thing in motion should put Teacher Appreciation Week in early March or November or something!
Enemas For Cash Now!!
May 12th, 2011
9:13 am
Wait……Students raised enough money to send their teacher to AMS for a driving school or rental car? That costs thousands of dollars.
BufordMom
May 12th, 2011
9:15 am
With these financial times, I cannot afford a gift for EVERYONE. This is absolutely rediculious.
Teachers chose their profession. And for some of you to come up on here and say want you do and don’t want, is a little over the top for me. You should appreciate ANYTHING that comes your way…….One could go broke buying all these things to Appreciate the teachers……..
It’s like Diamonds & iPads for Mother’s Day. Geez…….the entitlement up in here just kills me.. And we wonder why our kids feel so entitled……..
mom2alex&max
May 12th, 2011
9:17 am
I’m so done at this point. I will never be a room mom again. I love my kids’ teachers, but I’ve had about enough of volunteering for the school year. And frankly, my budget is really tight right now with paying for all the summer camps. And no it’s not optional, I work part time and I have to have some kind of child care for the summer. And of course, it’s all due this month.
RJ
May 12th, 2011
9:18 am
I can’t get over the fact that this is even a topic. I have never given a teacher a end of year gift. Teacher Appreciation Week is enough. We didn’t even do that at my child’s private school.
Since I work in a low income school, just as we received nothing for Teacher Appreciation Week, maybe one or two gifts for Christmas, nothing at all will be given at the end of the year. Don’t think I’d know how to act if that happened. Funny story, a couple of years ago a lady walked into the nail salon wearing a shirt with the colors and letters of my middle school. I asked if that was a Sutton Middle School shirt. She said yes and we talked about 20 minutes about how much she loved it there. This just happened to be the last day of school. She was the gifted teacher and had come there from a low income school in Cobb. She told me that she’d received so many Starbucks gift cards at the end of the year she didn’t know what to do with them. It was all new to her because she’d never worked in a school where parents cared enough to give gifts at the end of the year. I told her I’ve never experienced it either. She really felt appreciated.
I really find this to be over the top. But I’m sure the teachers will appreciate it. And for the record, I would take all the Red Lobster gift cards I could get. There’s only so much coffee I can drink.
motherjanegoose
May 12th, 2011
9:28 am
LOL…DB, too bad you weren’t the room mom when I was teaching…:)
One year, the families gave my daughter’s teacher a wheel barrow with a hose, plants, dirt, watering can, gloves etc. We all pitched in and I thought it was great! Thinking of something that would please the teacher means more than the $$$ amount.
@ Enemas…a friend of ours got NASCAR ride from his step son and I was thinking it was around $200 but I could be WRONG, not the first time it has happened. Perhaps DB can tell us.
JATL…NOTHING for Mother’s Day? WHAT? I was in schools all last week and that was the common theme for projects. Are the teachers, of your children, Moms themselves?
Enemas For Cash Now!!
May 12th, 2011
9:31 am
OK….A ride is different than renting a car or doing the school. $200 sounds about right for a ride. Not as fun as doing the driving but still a thrill. Beats any ride at Six Flags.
Layla
May 12th, 2011
9:41 am
BTW, for those Red Lobster GC, they can be used at any Darden Restaurant including Olive Garden, Bahama Breeze, Smokey Bones, and one or two other places. I think it’s the same w/ any restaurant GC, but you can read on the card where it can be used. :-)
abc
May 12th, 2011
9:42 am
My take on it is affected by having been married to a teacher. To me, the teacher’s family — spouse and kids — tend to really resent all the junk that gets dragged home in the form of presents to the teacher.
After 10 years of getting Christmas ornaments, that’s all that was on the tree. All the ones that I made with my kids disappeared. It got to where the kids didn’t even want to help trim the tree on that account — they’d just as soon have no tree than to have to deal with all the unfamiliar ornaments. Same with all the food brought home — it all went straight into the trash. We’d not expose our kids to some stranger’s kitchen cleanliness, or lack thereof.
Decorative items are unwelcome. I’d already decorated the house, and all the junk given to the teacher has nothing to do with the design and decoration plans. Gift certificates to restaurants we don’t want to go to went unused.
She was compensated for her time by the schools. All the other appreciative stuff, while given in the spirit of generosity and appreciation, and flattering for the teacher, was only an intrusion to the teacher’s family.
motherjanegoose
May 12th, 2011
9:47 am
For the record…it’s Nurse Appreciation Week this week. My sister is a Nurse, so I am calling her to appreciate her. I just sent her a birthday gift, since it was her birthday too!
Gifts for teachers are not mandatory. Some folks just tend to appreciate the teachers who may just spend more time with their kids each day, than might. IMHO.
Teacher, Too
May 12th, 2011
9:50 am
This is definitely more of an elementary school problem than middle or high school (in my experience). As I stated on the Teacher Appreciation Week blog, what I enjoy most is getting notes from my students. Those are what I keep and cherish. And, all it requires is a piece of paper, a pen or pencil, and some well-thought out sentences.
Enemas For Cash Now!!
May 12th, 2011
9:53 am
Olive Garden is not a step up from Red Lobster.
Techmom
May 12th, 2011
9:54 am
@Enemas – actually it depends. If you just buy the 3-lap experience it’s like $100. And one of the deal-sites had it cheaper last week.
Enemas For Cash Now!!
May 12th, 2011
10:07 am
Actually, it is National Healthcare Week……Worship the Enemas!!
Enemas For Cash Now!!
May 12th, 2011
10:11 am
I’d rather rent the car and do the driving myself…..Preferably at Road Atlanta if it were to be local….Always wanted to turn a few laps at Watkins Glen…Monza in Italy, Spa in Belgium….Eau Rouge’!!
Becky
May 12th, 2011
10:11 am
My two took in something each day for each of their teachers for appreciation week..Mon. school supplies..Tue. candy..Wed. home made card..Thurs. plant..My two took each teacher a hanging basket and both teachers LOVED them..Fri. $5 gift card to Starbucks..They also took a Starbucks gift card to the principal, asst. principal and three other teachers that they really like (not theirs)…They also take in something to the receptionist a couple of days during the teacher apprecitaion week..So, not real sure that we will do anything for end of year..
@JATL..My two didn’t do anything for Mothers Day either..I thought that was sorta unusual..One teacher had me send in $5.00 for field day t-shirt and the other teacher is having her class buy a Justin Beiber t-shirt for field day..The girl is NOT happy with having to wear a Beiber shirt..She told the teacher that she would rather wear an Alan Jackson shirt..lol..
I too take the teachers gifts that are not of the usual JATL..Took one teacher (last week) some pet odor neutralizer becasue she had mentioned that she has 2 dogs and was haivng problems with them getting on her furniture..So we had gotten some in that was a “sample” box..She loved it..I would much rather give something that I know they would use or need much better than just a gift..
Metro Coach
May 12th, 2011
10:28 am
abc- that’s a highly personal opinion. I’m sure some teachers enjoy the trinkets and ornaments that students give them.To others, Teacher Appreciation Week is set by some government entity I think, so the fact that its so close to the end of the year isn’t the teacher’s fault.
shaggy
May 12th, 2011
10:42 am
Theresa,
Are you placing a bid for that “Antler” hat as a royal wedding souvenir?
It is a good cause.
More mom dilemmas on teacher gifts: You help decide! – Atlanta Journal Constitution (blog) | Pizza Party Zona Oeste :: Las mejores pizzas disfrutalas en pizza party zona oeste
May 12th, 2011
10:43 am
[...] More mom dilemmas on teacher gifts: You help decide! – Atlanta Journal Constitution (blog) [...]
shaggy
May 12th, 2011
10:45 am
I once gave my teacher an apple, and she threw it at me.
I guess she would have thrown an eraser, chalk, etc…, but that was all super glued to her desk.
shaggy
May 12th, 2011
10:49 am
What week is Lawn Service Person week? I want to get miguel a quieter blower.
mamaof2
May 12th, 2011
10:56 am
I always get my son’s teachers gas cards! I attach a note that reads’ “Juat a little something to help you keep moving during the Summer!”
Tad Jackson
May 12th, 2011
10:59 am
Are there any room dads in the world? If so, and I sort of doubt it, I’d like to pat the fellow on the back and give him however much he needs!
http://www.adixiediary.com
mamaof2
May 12th, 2011
11:00 am
Just…opps!
abc
May 12th, 2011
11:04 am
Sure Coach, teachers are at least flattered by all the stuff; I’m saying that their families consider all the stuff and junk to be intrusive.
motherjanegoose
May 12th, 2011
11:09 am
mamaof2….love the gas cards. In the past, I have gotten cute paper plates, cups and napkins that match. Under $10 at Tuesday Morning. Teachers might like a summer dinner with no dishes on cute dinnerware. Once, for fun, I put in a pillow case that had REST IN PEACE…written on it.
Just for a joke.
abc…my tree is covered with ornaments from my students and also 1 per child since they were babies and they are now just under and over 20. It is VERY random but has a lot of memories for us.
My crew has NEVER complained about any of the things I got. Hubby used to hijack the Valentine’s candy and might share with me if I asked. Not sure what is up at your house but I do not find your feelings typical of those teachers whom I know and yes we do know many of their families too.
You are certainly welcome to have your own ill will towards all the the stuff that shows up but I wonder if anyone else out there resents having to accomodate the gifts their spouse brings home? I guess we will hear something either way today.
@Becky…this shows you have gotten to know the teacher…not everyone does!
BufordMom
May 12th, 2011
11:14 am
I’m with Shaggy – when is Publix Cashier Appreciation Day? Those men and women are on their feet all day long, ringing up your groceries.
Liquor Store Owner appreciate Day (well, actually our’s is very appreciated)….LOL
Mail Carrier Appreciation day…..
Bus Driver Appreciation Day……
POLICE/FIREMEN APPRECIATION DAY?????
Why is it just the teachers??????