Kate won’t say ‘obey’ in her wedding vows: Did you?
It is being widely reported that Kate Middleton won’t be promising to obey Prince William in her wedding vows. Princess Diana also removed obey from her vows in 1981, which was seen as very feisty and against the royal protocol then.
Now Middleton’s refusal to say obey is being represented as part of a modern marriage and a modern couple.
“KATE Middleton is set to follow Princess Diana’s example by ditching the word “obey” from her wedding vows.”
“Instead she is expected to promise to “love, comfort, honour and keep” Prince William when they tie the knot next Friday.”
“Kate, 29, and Wills, 28, discussed the wording with Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams.”
“He said: “They have a very simple, direct picture of what really matters.”
The obey portion of wedding vows has always rubbed me the wrong way and I am next to positive that I omitted them from my vows 17 years ago. Even at 22, I sure as heck wasn’t promising to obey anyone.
I think Michael and I both feel like we are partners. We lead in different areas but no one is in charge overall. (They may be why we fight so much though. No one is submitting.)
Did you promise to ‘obey’ in your vows? What do you think that means really in a marriage? Does it cause more problems if one person is not ‘in charge’?
Do you think it should be eliminated from wedding vows in general? Is it not the modern approach to marriage?
FYI: If you’re excited about the Royal Wedding, you’ll want to know how the AJC is going to be covering it. Here is the AJC’s coverage plan:
- A live video stream (starting at 4 a.m.), from AP, will feature William and Kate arriving at wedding; the ceremony; departure from wedding; the Buckingham Palace wave. http://www.accessatlanta.com/celebrities-tv/watch-the-royal-wedding-921557.html?
- AJCBuzz live tweeting and blogging about the Royal Wedding and a local event at the W (where folks are watching the Royal Wedding).
- Photos from the Piedmont Park event where there will be a large tent placed for folks to watch the wedding / attend bridal show.
- Twitter module of Buzz + whatever hashtag is trending (#wedding or #royals)
- From AP: BRITAIN-ROYAL WEDDING-RUNNING (an hours-long running account of the wedding in progress)
– Theresa Walsh Giarrusso, ajc.com Momania. I have increased my Twitter activity. I am sending out great stories for moms each day focusing on health, fitness, sex, entertainment, food, travel and obviously parenting! So follow me on Twitter at @AJCMOMania!)
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69 comments Add your comment
RJ
April 29th, 2011
2:56 pm
It wasn’t a part of my wedding vows, so I didn’t say them. However, I never checked to see that it was. I agree with @Techmom 100%! If one understood the meaning then they wouldn’t have a problem with the word.
jarvis
April 29th, 2011
5:44 pm
abc, if believing that Paul’s, a lifelong single former persecutor of Christians, views on marriage are crap but believing that Christ is my savior makes me non-Christian in your eyes, I’m OK with that.
God’s the one that will judge me.
Old Sandra
April 29th, 2011
6:19 pm
I don’t remember if the word obey was in my marriage vows but hubs thinks that it wasn’t. I don’t think I have ever been to a wedding where the woman vowed to obey the man.
Off topic: The wedding was lovely. Her gown was very elegant and deceptively simple. It takes a lot of skill to make a gown like that. Loved it when they drove off after the wedding lunch in the Aston.
James
April 30th, 2011
12:18 am
The bible quiet clearly and unequivocably states a wife shall obey her husband. It makes me very sad to know that we are getting away from this. It really is much more than custom if your a christian.
John Steven Grissom
April 30th, 2011
1:00 pm
Obey in the wedding vow….. the judge read it…. it didnt help any. Does the bible really imply not to make vows, but to make our yes, mean yes, and our no, mean no? John Steven grissom- fort worth texas USA. stevegtexas@aol.com
Buddy Yarnall
April 30th, 2011
4:10 pm
I am a 28 year old unmarried male and these are my thoughts on this to say or not to say issue-
I feel this whole “I dont obey anyone” attitude is exactly why over half of all modern marriages do fail miserably. The truth is, my grandmother puts modern women to shame when it comes to keeping the home a comfortable, healthy, warm and inviting place to reside. She may be old fashioned but her marriage to my grandfather also lasted 50+ years. The bottom line is simple, we have ruined everything that was ever sacred about the instituion of marriage.
Big Mama
April 30th, 2011
9:16 pm
I did not say “obey”. I believe that most of what is written in the bible is bunk put there to control the masses including women. My lack of faith in the bible has nothing to do with my religious belief and faith. That said, I told my husband if he wanted someting to obey, he should take our dog to obedience training.
Kat
May 1st, 2011
8:22 am
@Buddy Yarnall: I think I know reason #375 as to why you are a 28-year-old unmarried male…
No, I did not promise to obey my husband, and he did not promise to obey me. I don’t recall it ever being proposed to us as an “option.”
Kat
May 1st, 2011
8:26 am
Also, I think if anyone wonders as to whether this topic is appropriate for this type of blog, I would say that “First comes love, then comes marriage…” and then comes the raising of children without going insane!
Jeff
May 1st, 2011
8:54 am
Whether I say it or not, doing it is a different thing. It’s all about the relationship.
Dave
May 1st, 2011
4:21 pm
A lot of blather over nothing. The word “obey” is not in the woman’s vows in the Book of Common Prayer. It never was at least since 1929 in the USA. They didn’t take it out because it isn’t in there to begin with, sheesh. I think, but don’t know, adding ‘obey’ is a conservative american protestant thing not an Anglican or Episcopalian thing.
Karen
May 1st, 2011
4:52 pm
Didn’t have this in my vows for sure! When my husband converted to a fundamentalist religion after 30+ years of marriage, he tried to institute a hierarchy instead of an equal partnership, and took the attitude that marriages where women are submissive are the happy ones. Needless to say, I’m in the process of getting out of what became a bizarre marriage!
Tina
May 1st, 2011
6:06 pm
I was eighteen in 1981 when I married, and even then I knew “obey” would not be a part of my marriage. 30 years later we are still happily married.
Jeff
May 1st, 2011
6:31 pm
Amen Tina.
JATL
May 2nd, 2011
10:23 am
It’s not in any Unitarian vows, which are the ones we chose from to create our own service. Even if we had traditional vows, “obey” surely wouldn’t be in there.
@Eating boogers -obviously someone cares about the royal wedding -23 million American viewers to be exact. You remind me of all the people at Jazz Fest who were just beside themselves that Bon Jovi was playing -and for a 2nd Fest appearance! They think they’re SO unbelievably cool and such musical purists that a band like Bon Jovi is just awful to have there. Well, given the panoramic shots I took of the Bon Jovi crowd -about 20,000 people seemed to be quite excited to see the band (even minus Rehab Richie). Just because YOU find something boring or not to your taste doesn’t mean everyone does!
NoWay
May 2nd, 2011
10:31 am
Religion was invented to keep the poor from killing the rich. It’s just another weapon of oppression. Women who vow to “obey” will get what they deserve.
tracey
May 2nd, 2011
2:17 pm
The bible does say that a wife is to submit to her husband, but it also says that the husband is supposed to submit to his wife and love her like christ loves the church. it goes both ways. it seems to me, that the people out there squawking about wives obeying their husbands forget that part.
Jill
May 3rd, 2011
7:48 pm
No, “obey” was removed from ours. It’s very outdated to me. Amy, I didn’t know that there were exact “rules” to getting married.
Jill
May 3rd, 2011
7:54 pm
Yikes! A few of the women are saying, “My husband doesn’t tell me what to do, but if we have a debate or disagreement, he has the final say.” Uh, ok, so aren’t you obeying him them? Don’t say, “Yes, I said obey in my vows but my husband doesn’t tell me what to do” and then follow it up with “He has the final word.” lol Makes no sense to me.