My oldest daughter turns 10 today! Scary age or not yet?

My oldest daughter turns 10 today, and I can hardly believe it! Where has my little girl gone?

I am trying to decide if 10 is actually scarier than turning 13. (I know 16 and 18 are really scary!) Thirteen may be when they are officially a teenager but I feel like a lot of teenager stuff is already happening. We’ve had the period and sex talk. She’s started wearing a bra. Sometimes I think there are some hormones flowing already. She’ll get a little emotional for no apparent reason.

She’s having a Dance Party (spend the night and swim party). She plans to stream videos off You Tube on the Wii on the playroom and also wants the girls to play Dance Central on Xbox Kinect. (I am trying to decide which Katy Perry video’s I can allow at a 10-year-old’s party.)

She’s going for her first mani-pedi on Saturday as a special birthday treat.

So is 10 scary because all the puberty stuff starts or 13 is much scarier? Which is the scariest age with a girl? What about a boy?

– Theresa Walsh Giarrusso, ajc.com Momania. I have increased my Twitter activity. I am sending out great stories for moms each day focusing on health, fitness, sex, entertainment, food, travel and obviously parenting! So follow me on Twitter at @AJCMOMania!)

32 comments Add your comment

Jelly Sandwich Meat

April 19th, 2011
12:22 pm

They’re all scary ages because they are women.

Techmom

April 19th, 2011
12:37 pm

Don’t be afraid of it TWG – embrace it! I LOVED when my son turned 10. It seemed like he was able to do so much more stuff with us. My husband and I SCUBA dive so his 10th B-Day gift was to get SCUBA certified so he could go on vacations with us that involved diving. This is the time to find a hobby that your daughter can do with you (running, cycling, sewing, volunteering, gardening, etc. Things that you can enjoy doing together; not something you have to do for her.) This is the age when they begin to express THEIR opinions and thoughts, not just regurgitating what they hear, and really begin to develop a sense of what they like, want, believe, etc. As for hormones, puberty & liking the opposite sex, those are simply challenges on the way to becoming an adult and should be embraced, discussed and given boundaries but not shunned.

BTW, the scariest age to me? 2-5. They are into everything but don’t communicate or listen well. They don’t understand right from wrong, safe from dangerous and they whine! God Bless pre-school teachers b/c there is no way I could do it!

Happy Birthday to your daughter!

Photius

April 19th, 2011
12:38 pm

Why is age ten “scary”??? Get real – the only scary age is The Age of Conscription.

Jelly Sandwich Meat

April 19th, 2011
12:43 pm

Enter your comments here

Lori

April 19th, 2011
12:44 pm

I don’t know about the scariest age, but she is entering into the “awkward” age for sure. I remember from about 10-12 was the weird phase where things starting changing, but you still didn’t have that nice teen body. Being stuck between a girl and a young woman is the hardest age. For me it was especially bad because my hair starting getting curly at that age too!! At 10, I would think it is more about supporting them during their awkward moments and encouraging them to explore new things and who they are. This is the age I would think are the most impressionable and help them form into what kind of teen they will be. So maybe that is scary!!! Maybe the next few years are what defines who she will be when she is 15 and out on her first date!! Good luck!

JJ

April 19th, 2011
12:45 pm

10 is nothing compared to 7th & 8th grade. Just wait…….something happens to these girls in middle school. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there is something there. I can almost pinpoint the day my daughter went from sweet baby to raging hormonal teenager. Her attitude changed and she became the nastiest person ever!!! Adults were idiots and she KNEW everything, and didn’t need my parental guidance anymore……OH. My. God…..how we survived those years is still a mystery to me.

DB

April 19th, 2011
1:36 pm

JJ: I’ll second the vote for middle school — horrible! The girls are so MEAN to each other, it’s astonishing. Your best friend one day is your worst enemy the next day, and three days later, she’s your best friend again. And, unfortunately, social media has really upped the social pressure on kids at that age, and add to that hormones kicking into high gear — sheesh!. Once out of middle school, everything was smooth sailing. But middle school was pure-t hell.

motherjanegoose

April 19th, 2011
2:02 pm

Middle School…AWFUL! I volunteered there for 6 years and called in the HORMONE HOUSE.

My daughter has never been nasty but there were days I needed to leave the room as we were not communicating and it was better to just let it be.

TWG…try to take time doing things with her one on one. It know it is hard ( with 3) but I have the best relationship with my daughter. We enjoy each other’s company.

Just take her for breakfast or even ice cream…just the two of you.

I spoke with a client whose daughter is also 19 and she told me that her daughter came home from college, on spring break, to hang out with her mom. Instead of going somewhere wild with her school friends. To me. that is a big compliment to her!

DB and I are both lucky that we enjoy time with our girls and we enjoy telling each other about them too…even if we have not met them personally.

The next 8 years will fly by and she will be out the door. Enjoy your time with her and Happy Birthday!

JJ

April 19th, 2011
2:50 pm

MJG – my daughter was nasty enough for both of them, your’s included….LOL

JJ

April 19th, 2011
2:50 pm

Theresa – I sent you an email on Friday and I have not heard back from you…?????

RJ

April 19th, 2011
2:55 pm

Happy Birthday to your daughter! Yes, this is the age when the hormones start to kick in. The next few years may be difficult, and you may ask yourself, “Who is this person?”. She’s your daughter, going through typical hormonal changes. Just keep a cool head as much as possible, talk, talk, talk to her about any and everything (nothing should be off limits!). No matter what my daughter and I are extremely close. Even when I have a “Madea” moment, she understands that she’s gone too far. It happens. I cry now just thinking about her going away to college. Enjoy the next 8 years. They go by so fast.

ssidawg

April 19th, 2011
2:55 pm

If the girl in your promo picture is 10 years old then I think it’s time for you to update your promo picture.

Jeff

April 19th, 2011
2:59 pm

My father told me that if he didn’t have the values wanted in me by the time I hit middle school, he lost. Because from there, it’s a downhill fight.

FCM

April 19th, 2011
3:04 pm

“Sometimes I think there are some hormones flowing already.” My take is yes. Mine oldest is 11 and the youngest is 9 next week.

I agree with whomever said embrace it. I also agree with whomever said 10-12 is awkward. To JJ and the others about MS…..OMG! We go there next year and yeah I am finding it scary.

My mom’s advice is keep your humor. Never laugh in front of them, but you can when they are not around. For instance oldest told me she was putting her foot down (about the bus) this morning…..well she can put her footdown…and then another, and then another, to hoof it to the bus stop or she can pay me $50 to be her personal transport. She rode the bus.

JJ

April 19th, 2011
3:10 pm

RJ is correct. And be there when she needs you to be there, which is 24/7, cuz you never know. But talk, talk, talk, because it will get through to her. There is a difference between listening and hearing. Keep the lines open, they do “hear” you, even though they may not be “listening” to what you are saying. You can tell by the blank stare……and the rolling of the eyes. Yes, you are suddenly an idiot and Have no idea what it’s like to be a teenager…LOL…..I always told my daughter, I didn’t get to be this age without being 12 first…..

But at that age, they are trying to “find themselves” and fight all the damn peer pressure. Just knowing that you are there is a wonderful feeling, but she will push and push….It’s just a part of life.

Be there! and I hope you have plenty of meds and someone to talk to who has already gone through this “phase”……

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

April 19th, 2011
3:51 pm

JJ — I didn’t see it — i have such trouble with that account — I will look for it later today and respond back –s orry!!

Bleeding Wort Spleen

April 19th, 2011
3:52 pm

Funny…..Looking at the photo, you daughter looks to be 4 or 5.

Techmom

April 19th, 2011
3:59 pm

So totally off-topic but I had to laugh. I just got an email from one of the canvas picture sites that says something along the lines of, “Your family wants to give you the perfect mother’s day gift (they just need a little help)” So you go to the website, upload the photo you want put on canvas, and enter the email address (of your husband or kid) and they’ll be sent a message on how to purchase it. Bahahaha! Marketing at it’s best!

Bleeding Wort Spleen

April 19th, 2011
4:22 pm

I got scolded once for straying off topic.

catlady

April 19th, 2011
5:03 pm

Theresa, 10 year olds used to be little girls. Unfortunately, no more for most girls. They have been exposed to so many hormones, synthetics, toxic media, crazy parents, etc, that they don’t get to be little girls. Ten is a light warmup to 11-14.

I work with quite a few ten year olds. You can tell the ones that are overly sexualized and “au current” vs those who lead a modest, parent-directed/adult supervised lifestyle. Those who have been exposed to all the fads, all the “celebrity s***” on TV, vs those who have been allowed and directed toward more wholesome activities.

Techmom

April 19th, 2011
5:38 pm

@Bleeding – that’s b/c you don’t play nice in this sandbox…

penguinmom

April 19th, 2011
6:07 pm

I found 10 and 11 a little more difficult than 13 with my son. He did go through a few ‘brainless’ times between 13 and 15 when it seemed like his brain had no ability to keep in any information beyond needless video game facts.

With my daughter 10 and 11 has been a bit challenging. Hormones might have something to do with it. I guess 10 is about the first time they started really thinking they could decide for themselves what they wanted to do or not. Kind of the beginning of the breaking the connection to childhood.

For us 10 was harder than older ages because it was a little more unexpected. Also, there’s less that you can actually let them do on their own just because they aren’t old enough to handle it but they don’t understand that. When they are older, if they want to do something on their own, you might actually let them. At 10, not a lot that I’m going to let them do without of adult supervision.

newblogger

April 19th, 2011
7:02 pm

Oh my goodness-I teach 5th grade so I work with 10 and 11 year olds all day. They are the most wonderful creatures! Yes-embrace the weirdness, the hormones, etc. I never have a day that one of them doesn’t crack me up. They get my humor, are great problem solvers and love it when you can be just a little sarcastic when joking around. (They are fluent in sarcasm, you might as well speak the language.) I’ve taught every grade K-5 and 5th is my favorite by far. Enjoy this time, it will pass way too quickly!

BlondeHoney

April 19th, 2011
9:56 pm

Ok, off topic & not at the same time…my next door neighbor’s soon-to-be 11 year old still shares a bedroom with her 9 year old brother while their little brother, the “baby” (almost 6 now) still has a big room all to himself. It’s obvious that the girl is entering puberty and I am the crazy one for thinking this girl should have been in her own room LONG ago? The family has been trying to move into a larger home for the last year & that is the excuse for not moving the 2 boys in the same room together….UGH that’s a BAD reason. They are moving in their new house in august…I just hope not too much damage has been done

DB

April 19th, 2011
11:39 pm

@BlondeHoney — I don’t think it’s a big deal quite yet — no “damage” has been done, IMHO. Perhaps the 9 year old has sleep issues, and the baby in the room would disturb him too much? I mean, they share a room, not a bed. When it’s a problem, the girl will definitely let them know it!

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

April 20th, 2011
12:51 am

thanks newblogger — that was great advice! And welcome to our crazy community!!

Becky

April 20th, 2011
10:01 am

@BlondeHoney..Don’t think that is a major issue..Heck, I’m from a family of 10, so I never had a room of my own, until I moved out..I have even slept in the bed with one of my adult brothers sleeping across the bottom of the bed and never gave it a second thought..

Kat

April 20th, 2011
11:14 am

@Techmom – I have agreed with absolutely everything you have said today. Great advice too – thanks!

Kat

April 20th, 2011
11:15 am

No soap operas, Theresa! YOU…MUST…READ…JJ’s…EMAIL!!!

Kat

April 20th, 2011
11:16 am

BTW, Theresa – that picture is so adorable (esp your son), that I would find it hard to change it too, I suppose. But, we do need (deserve?) a new picture.

lakerat

April 20th, 2011
2:28 pm

The only scary thing is that 10 years have already passed by, and the next 14 will fly by, too! As others have said, just enjoy the time you have (hormones and all), and if she has listened, and continues to listen to mom and dad, all will be well. This is not to infer that you will not have your bumps in the road, but life goes on, and “this, too, shall pass”. Just remember yourself from age 10 – 24, and just understand that usually the nut does not fall far from the tree.

lwa

April 21st, 2011
12:10 pm

10 is a fun age. They still ask you questions and come to you for advice while getting it from their friends. Continue to keep the lines of communication open.

Don’t worry so much!!!