Why do we let our daughters dress that way?

A mom has written an interesting essay for The Wall Street Journal addressing why women let their daughters dress like “prostitutes.”

While her friends believe it’s just the “fast” girls dressing that way and was the same in their generation, this mom has a different theory:

“I have a different theory. It has to do with how conflicted my own generation of women is about our own past, when many of us behaved in ways that we now regret. A woman I know, with two mature daughters, said, “If I could do it again, I wouldn’t even have slept with my own husband before marriage. Sex is the most powerful thing there is, and our generation, what did we know?”

“We are the first moms in history to have grown up with widely available birth control, the first who didn’t have to worry about getting knocked up. We were also the first not only to be free of old-fashioned fears about our reputations but actually pressured by our peers and the wider culture to find our true womanhood in the bedroom. Not all of us are former good-time girls now drowning in regret—I know women of my generation who waited until marriage—but that’s certainly the norm among my peers.”

“So here we are, the feminist and postfeminist and postpill generation. We somehow survived our own teen and college years (except for those who didn’t), and now, with the exception of some Mormons, evangelicals and Orthodox Jews, scads of us don’t know how to teach our own sons and daughters not to give away their bodies so readily. We’re embarrassed, and we don’t want to be, God forbid, hypocrites.”

Click here to read the whole essay from The Wall Street Journal.

So what do you think: Is it just the fast girls that dress trampy? Is it because the mothers are proud their daughters are hot – as the article said? Is it because they don’t want to be hypocrites and tell their daughters not to do things that they did? How do you reconcile your behavior as a teen with what you expect of them?

What do you think of her generational argument — that this was the first group of mom with access to birth control and the freedom to use it?

– Theresa Walsh Giarrusso, AJC Momania

81 comments Add your comment

Denise

March 22nd, 2011
12:45 pm

I think it is a matter of a mother trying to be friend’s with their daughter or wanting to live vicariously through her. Period. These are the same women who would clutch their pearls and defend their daughters to the death if someone said their daughters looked like streetwalkers or approached them in an inappropriate way. These are the girls who turn into women who wear dresses up to their panty lines and then complain when I man looks at their butts. Whatever. It all ticks me off. You do it, you live with the consequences. (No I am not suggesting that any woman deserves any acts of violence, like rape, just because of how she is dressed. I’m talking about the looks from men/boys/dirty old men that can be offensive.)

Erica

March 22nd, 2011
12:52 pm

My 5 year old is now nearing the end of the 4-6x clothing sizes, as she’s a tall little girl. This will likely be the last year of 6s for her. I am disgusted by the mature styles (i.e. low neck line, low waist, short, spangly) that are available in the 7-16 sizes. Looks like I’ll need to really develop a talent for sewing, especially for cute dresses. These girls will have a LIFETIME to wear heels, and stockings and adult clothes. Childhood is short. Let little girls LOOK like little girls, not miniature women.

And the stuff I see going as prom wear is scandalous. I wa in high school in the 80s, and I remember it being a big deal when young ladies simply wore a dress with spaghetti straps. Now we’re seeing splits up to the crotch, bare midriffs, mini dresses and sky high heels…..for teenage girls….not to mention the inches of makeup. I’m all for young people expressing their own fashion sense, but can you look like a teen instead of a overmade up mess?

JATL

March 22nd, 2011
12:57 pm

I’m personally horrified at how many moms just seem to think it’s “cute” to dress their daughters (very young daughters) like little tramps. When you’ve been dressed that way your whole life and your mom also dresses that way -well, it’s not too far of a leap to think those girls will continue to dress that way as teens and beyond. Take a look at many, MANY adult women out there -and I mean in their 30s, 40s and beyond (not 22). Their muffin tops are hanging out of their jeans and they have on shirts that are WAY too tight, bra straps showing, etc. Many of them are also dressing like they’re still 18, and they look like idiots. I’m not really a very conservative dresser, but take a look around and you’ll see why kids are dressing this way.

ms boys mom

March 22nd, 2011
1:02 pm

These same moms drop their daughter’s off at the mall and the ball field. They typically have a friend or two along and look like clones (clowns) of each other. I guess mom thinks there is some sort of safety in numbers?

The funny thing is the majority of boys their age don’t like the way they look or act. My son and his friends joke about their heavy makeup, seeing their butts grossly hang over their chairs in class, and having to put up with their drama filled mean girls cat fights.

A final note about these moms, their lives are always a hot mess. Don’t think for a second we can’t spot the dysfuntional families in a tight knit community. Its all about outside appearances, inside is a trainwreck!

DB

March 22nd, 2011
1:05 pm

When my kids and I talk about my teenage years, they generally falls asleep out of boredom :-) I didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, didn’t do drugs, and I waited a looong time before becoming sexually active. However, in talking about my so-called “love life”, I try to be honest, within the bounds of personal privacy. Yes, it feels good. No, I never engaged in casual sex. No, I wasn’t a virgin on my wedding night. But the thing I try to emphasize is the emotional aspect of sex, especially for a woman, and how sex does change a woman, no matter how much she tries to say that it doesn’t. Nothing that profound can be that unimportant, can it? Nothing that has that much ritual/taboo/tradition/etc. tied to it can be ‘casual’, can it? And do we really want to be the kind of person for whom it is casual?

There’s a favorite line of mine from a book, where the hero tells the heroine that he’d like to think that he holds himself to a higher standard than most. What’s wrong with wanting something better, something more profound, than most?

Given that — I have to admit, the article hit one of my sore spots, in that the clothes available for girls and young women are just plain ol’ trashy. I don’t expect my daughter to walk around in long-sleeve turtlenecks and skirts down to her ankles, but goodness, isn’t there a happy medium somewhere between prostitute and nun?! Now that prom season is here, it shocks me how many girls walk out with their boobs hanging out, unable to dance because their dress is so tight, and trying to hold their dress up all night because it HAD to be strapless. AND THEIR MOTHERS BUY THE DRESSES FOR THEM!?! One of my son’s friends commented that one prom night was the longest night he had ever spent, because he spent the entire night trying NOT to oogle his date in her very revealing dress. “But honestly, where was I supposed to look?!” he exclaimed. “It was right there!” Even when it comes to wedding dresses — what’s with the overwhelming number of strapless, glove-fitting wedding dresses these days? A preview of coming attractions? What happened to elegant? (IMHO, there are very few women who can rock a strapless wedding dress, either they are too slim and the dress isn’t flattering, or they are too top-heavy and the dress has to be cinched so tight that their “muffin top” moves to under their arms!)

I don’t understand the whole swing towards “finding your inner whore” in clothes, especially for girls, and I don’t understand parents who indulge it. It just seems like additional pressure on them to “live up” to something that they will later have to “live down.”

DB

March 22nd, 2011
1:06 pm

T, I wrote an essay — I think it got caught in cyberjail. Can you check, please?

shaggy

March 22nd, 2011
1:13 pm

I don’t have a daughter. If I did, I would draw on my own sordid past and probably lock her in her room, until she was about 35. It would be a very bad day for some horny little weasel wanting to take my princess on a date. Since I was one of those horny litle weasels, I am able to single them out for destruction very effectively.
(((horny little weasels geographically close to shaggyland just sighed in relief)))

The celebrity cuilture DEMANDS that little girls look like Paris, or they won’t be popular, or have any chance of solving world hunger. It is the same culture that teaches boys to forget science and math, because you will never get to date Paris look alikes if you don’t. It is a paradox made possible by that glowing, flat-screen thing everyone in this country worships. TV.

Denise

March 22nd, 2011
1:16 pm

My mother has always seen my body as an extension of hers in a way. She would buy me clothes that I wouldn’t wear because “If I had your body I’d wear this”. (For full disclosure I will say that in my college days I would wear short skirts, dresses, and shorts. I was skinny with nice legs and I didn’t look vulgar. I looked athletic because I was. I guess having my hair in a ponytail most of the time, having on a baggy t-shirt with my shorts, wearing tennis shoes or no higher than 2″ heels, and not wearing makeup helped me NOT look like a hoochie.) Back to Mama…even this weekend she made a big deal of how I had gained weight (I wanted to tell her to STFU but you can’t tell your Mama that even when you’re grown) but tried to “clean it up” by talking about how much weight SHE gained as if we were the same. Not. The. Same. I think that some of the moms of the hoochies-in-training see their daughters in the same way – if my daughter looks hot, by extension, I will look good. Not really…it’s more, your daughter looks like a hoochie and you look like you need your butt whipped.

The Truth Maybe?

March 22nd, 2011
1:20 pm

Whoever dresses the children(buys the clothing) are the ones responsible for their behavior. I was in line @ a target a couple of months ago and a girl, probably no older than 11, was in front of me with her mom & she had on the smallest skirt that if she bent over I could see everything. Point is, her mom KNEW what the little girl had on and was ok with it. A TON of parents are acting as if pedophiles aren’t running rampant out here. Makeup, pedicures/manicures & tight clothing has to STOP while on the parents dime.

Atlmom

March 22nd, 2011
1:25 pm

I have two grown daughters and had the battle of trying to dress them especially in high school. The problem is that some mothers/parents gave up our authority when we took on the muntra of ‘let them express their selves in anyway’ or ‘it’s what is popular’. It has little to do with expression but more to do with copying. And, even in our generation popularity did not equal to success. Now, we have 10yos dressing like 25yos including makeup and hair. We are creating a generation of immature, self-absorbed young women that do not value their bodies nor minds. Fashion experts make what they like or what is seen to be popular but they only care about their profits and not what may happens to a 10yo that is confused with being an older woman. Society, hollywood, or your child’s best friend should not be the influence in raising your child or teaching values to your child.

JOD

March 22nd, 2011
1:27 pm

With strong-willed DD, I’m sure we will have some battles over clothing, but I intend to keep her young as long as I can. Yes, lots of girls wore short-shorts, etc. in college – me included – but pre-teens and young teens should never be mistaken for college girls. Also, I guess ’short-shorts’ and skirts are now MUCH shorter than they used to be. I actually saw the daughter of a friend at a church function, and her cheeks were actually hanging out of her shorts. Honestly, Daisy Duke’s underwear was bigger than those shorts.

I did think the essay was right on the money based on a lot of girls I knew in school – very interesting to hear about how things have changed.

Tairy Greene

March 22nd, 2011
1:29 pm

@Erica: I would like to meet your daughter

Peachy

March 22nd, 2011
1:30 pm

Great article! . I think it’s sad that in today’s societies, young girls are “not cool” if they dress conservatively. You have a Hannah Montana clothing line that is young adult in style such as the low cuts, etc., but targets young girls in size and colors, patterns, etc… Our children are set up for failure if we let mainstream shape their way of thinking. Also, parents, we have to set examples for our children. If we’re walking around with mini skirts and low cut shirts on, then our children will think that that is the way to dress. Sure, you can tell them that it is for adults, but most kids will want to rush into adulthood so that they can do those very same things and end up losing their childhood very early.

JOD

March 22nd, 2011
1:33 pm

@atlmom – Funny how ‘expressing yourself’ was dying your hair with KoolAid or double-piercing your ears back in the day (okay, my day – the early 90s). Now it’s tattoos for all and earrings for 12-year-old boys (???) and dressing so the ‘ladies’ down on Ponce would be jealous.

Cindy

March 22nd, 2011
1:42 pm

This is a tough one. I’m glad to have grown up in the 80s. “Back then”, baggie clothes (Hello, parachute pants!!), neon brights, and a TON of hairspray were wardrobe/style staples. Sure, there was the fair share of makeup, but it was sparkly and pastel-ish from what I remember–hardly the black-rimmed eyes kids wear today. But I don’t know if it’s always fair to draw the correlation between how a girl dresses and how “easy” she is. I knew plenty of girls who dressed in trashy ways, but they never hopped into bed with anyone until college. On the flip side, there were plenty of not-so-flashily dressed girls who would be deemed “easy”. I’m not a mom, so I’m glad I don’t have to deal with this issue yet. But I agree with many of you that it’s hard to find clothes that *aren’t* too old for the age of the girl wearing them. I guess I got lucky that my parents figured that popularity in middle and high school didn’t matter in real life, so hand-me-downs would be just fine. Clothes from Goodwill or other thrift shops are like naps in Kindergarten: we hate it when we’re forced to do it, but we understand the value of the experience when we look back on it. But when we put so much emphasis on popularity (as a society, as parents), how can we not expect the kids to do whatever it takes to climb the ranks? I’m with many of you–we need to get parents back, and lose the best friend mentality.

Cindy

March 22nd, 2011
1:43 pm

@ JOD: a friend of mine calls them “curbside entrepreneurs” on Ponce… It still makes me laugh!!

N Sane

March 22nd, 2011
1:43 pm

When did tatoos become fashionable on women? And I think the ones who get their necks tatt’d are gross…….or the back of your neck…WHY? You will never see it…..

I think women get their names tatt’d on the necks so the guy will remember her name in the heat of passion…..

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

March 22nd, 2011
1:45 pm

ERica — the catlogue mini-boden is super cute stuff that is classic and not too mature — but it is expensive. I also think lands end kids and hanna anderson have cute girls stuff that doesn’t look too mature. They are cheaper than the mini-boden. I actually like Target — i think much of it is appropriate.

Denise

March 22nd, 2011
1:45 pm

@JOD – I, too, dyed my hair with KoolAid (red). *memories*

It’s funny how the only real “you must have to be cool” clothes were Guess jumpers, Coca Cola shirts, Chuck Taylors (not everyone fell in with that one), and Girbaud jeans. Guess jumpers were expensive so that was my Christmas gift one year and I got a pair of Girbauds for my birthday. TREATS!! Definitely wasn’t a “well, Mama, everybody’s wearing it so I need you to go get me xyz” at my house.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

March 22nd, 2011
1:46 pm

I will search for DBs and anybody ele’s that got lost — i think there was one in the first topic that got lost too — I was out this morning — sorry

Jeff

March 22nd, 2011
1:46 pm

Well, when you have alot of moms walking around with their thongs showing, cosmetic surgeries, and tatoos, what do you expect of the daughters?

RJH

March 22nd, 2011
1:49 pm

Retailers sale what sales. Cheap trampy looks and cheap in quality are “in”. It is very difficult to find clothes that are age apropriate from the toddler year to age 50. I don’t have girls, but I admit I have a very difficult time finding clothes to that I would wear at the age of 45. The majority of clothes out their either make me look like a steetwalker or a frump! The things I find that I do like are outrageously priced.

Don’t get me started on the shoes. High heels started at an early age are killing my feet now that I am mid forties. Now it’s either too high, flat and un-supportive causing further future damage, ot again – too expensive.

We have let the entertainment industry dictate our lives and morals for too long!

Jess

March 22nd, 2011
1:54 pm

@ Cindy

Back in the 80’s the “loose girls” dressed like Joan Jett and Pat Benatar (sp?). I look back on the 80s and laugh about what a clown I looked like.

Oprah recently did a makeover throwback to a couple she did in the 80’s. OMG is all I gotta say! :)

Deb Fleming

March 22nd, 2011
1:58 pm

I went shopping to get my 7 year old shorts about a week ago. We had to search for shorts where her butt would not hang out of them. The stores (Walmart and Target ) seem to only sell the short shorts. My daughter won’t even wear swimsuits with holes in the side because they show too much!!!

pws

March 22nd, 2011
2:01 pm

Wow, having raised two girls, this issue was just as prevalent back in the early 2000’s as it is today. It’s a little bit of what everyone else has already stated, it’s moms trying to be a friend instead of a mom, and wanting her little girl to be popular because mom wasn’t. As TWG just stated, you can find appropriate age clothing for girls, you just have to be willing to look and learn to say “no” to “but it’s what everyone else is wearing”. If mom is comfortable in her own skin, then she will dress like a mom, and not like a sister to her daughter. She will also be a mom, and not a friend. I used to tell my girls that you want to be the girl that the guy wants to take home to meet his mom, not the girl he wants to fool around with. Funny story, but when the youngest was in 9th grade, we were at a high school soccer game, when an older girl walked down the bleachers with the short skirt and no underwear on. I was sitting with two moms of boys, and both of them had a fit over this outfit, and both stated very loudly that their sons had better not be bringing this girl home to meet them. My youngest happened to over hear those comments, and on the way home I asked her about hearing them, and she had to admit I was right! You just have to be the mom, and do your job! even when it comes to what they wear.

shaggy

March 22nd, 2011
2:02 pm

“We have let the entertainment industry dictate our lives and morals for too long!”

Nobody has “let” them do anything. It is reality, because it generates $$s and plenty of it. Those little tramp clothes would most certainly go away, if they stayed on the rack unbought.
The fixation with the celebrities starts with the grown ups, the ones with the $$s. Mommy and daddy give in so their kids will leave them alone. They can’t be bothered by being an actual parent.

justmy2cents

March 22nd, 2011
2:03 pm

Well, I was a good girl in high school, but I know the ones referenced in the article. Hell no I will NOT let my daughter wear trampy clothes. Luckily, my oldest is content in jeans & tshirts. She made the comment the other day that she is glad she is not a girly girl because they sucked at dodgeball. (not her exact words, she knows not to say that) It is very disturbing girls want to dress that way, but what is MOST disturbing is the designers that make these clothes and the parents who buy them. If I am buying her clothes, that crap is not coming through our door. If I had a brainfart and bought it, my husband would be using it as a rag to wash his truck. :o)

Now I know there are parents who think their girls are wearing appropriate clothing, but there is a lot of layer shedding that happens in high school after they get out of your house in the morning. This is where I luck out! I work for the schools, so I have no problem popping in unexpectedly to make sure my kids are wearing what they are supposed to be wearing. I also have co-workers who work at my kids’ schools, and they know to keep an eye out for my two.

My opinion is the girls dress that way strictly for the attention they receive, and they THINK they look good in it. Let me tell you chicklets…you may be thin, but cellulite still looks gross when you wear booty shorts and have “skinny fat” jiggling, and for heaven’s sake…buy a shirt that covers up your muffin top so you can quit tugging down the one you are wearing.

I can’t say it has anything to do with the generational/birth control thing…that was the generation before me.

abc

March 22nd, 2011
2:05 pm

According to my kids, now out high school for anywhere from 2-12 years, high school girls are mostly tramps. They regarded them with quite a bit of disdain in that regard. High school boys are more than happy to accomodate them. It persists into college.

I can say that when I was in high school, most everyone was sexually active, but most of us were serial monogamists. That seems to no longer be the case.

Candy Man

March 22nd, 2011
2:05 pm

I like the fashions these young ladies are sporting :)

Jeff

March 22nd, 2011
2:10 pm

I’ve been told on good authority that most kids nowadays don’t even consider oral sex to be sex. I’m of the opinion that if you’re putting someone else bodily fluid in your body, you’re having sex. And it seems most women would go back and delay sex if they had to do it over again.

JOD

March 22nd, 2011
2:10 pm

@Cindy – LOL! I like that one! I still remember the first time I realized most of the ‘entrepreneurs’ were actually men :o) We made a lot of trips to Zestos and Spaghetti Factory in college, so we started to recognize some of the more outrageous ‘girls.’ I remember one had a large collection of wigs – every color of the rainbow.

@Denise – Remember Z. Cavaricci’s? They were soooo ugly – acid-washed jeans and colored khakis with a bunch of pleats in front that *had* to be tight-rolled. Only the rich kids at my school wore them, but MAN they were UGLY. http://vintagegent.com/category/cavaricci/

@Deb Fleming – Old Navy and Kohl’s both have cute bermuda shorts for kids (also for moms who don’t want to look frumpy!)

Spacey

March 22nd, 2011
2:11 pm

Where do the kids get to wear this stuff? Don’t most of the schools have dress codes?

I could not wait to wear make-up when I was in 7th grade. My Mom took me to the Clinique counter to learn how to put it on. I still wore way too much! I’m wishing I did not have to wear make-up now.

Everything is so trendy now. That is why it is cheap. The clothing changes every six months so you always have to buy some new junk… And cheap stuff just looks cheap no matter how you try to wear it.
Maybe it is all of the magazines and trends that teens have access to these days. It used to take trends a lot longer to cirulate through. That is why we can say 70’s, 80’s, 90’s. Now all three decades’ styles have come and gone in the last 10 years.

Cammi317

March 22nd, 2011
2:14 pm

Apple = Tree…..

Roekest

March 22nd, 2011
2:22 pm

Please, for the love of all that is holy, AJC: BE CREATIVE!!!!

It seems like everyone of you “bloggers” here just piggy-backs off of stories written in other, respectable sources. Does the phrase “original thought” scare you all THAT much??? Sheesh!

SuwaneeMommy

March 22nd, 2011
2:23 pm

Cammi317 just put it best. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in these cases. The moms copasetic with their daughters dressing in revealing clothing are most likely doing it themselves. My theory is they do this because the only value they find in themselves is from the attention they receive from men and boys.

Being neatly groomed and dressed in modest clothing allows you (and others) to focus on your personality, your talents and your intelligence–not your boobs or fanny hanging out. (This is why I love the idea of school uniforms, even at public schools!)

And while we’re at it: Whatever happened to making boys cut their hair? Just as distasteful as showing too much skin on girls is boys with hair hanging over their faces. Whatever happened to boys going to the barber shop?

I know I sound like I’m 90 years old. I’m only in my early thirties, but things like this bother me. I notice them, and it makes me wonder about the parents…

SuwaneeMommy

March 22nd, 2011
2:25 pm

@Deb Fleming: Check Lands End or LL Bean (catalogs/Internet). Both have great selections of NORMAL clothing. Lands End is especially wonderful for modest, but cute, swimwear.

peach

March 22nd, 2011
2:26 pm

When my daughters were in middle school I would take them to the movies with their girlfriends. I would point out the girls who were dressed in too-tight clothes and looking particularly slutty and called them what they were – plowhorses. I then told my daughters “You are thoroughbreds. Act like it.” It’s amazing what that did for their self esteem. They walked a little taller and looked like the ladies I raised them to be. When we would go shopping I would not be persuaded to buy clothes that I didn’t want them wearing. I told them when they left the house that they were sending a message and they didn’t want it to be the wrong kind of message. Now they are both in their twenties and still understand the importance of dressing appropriately whether they’re going to work or out with friends.

atlmom

March 22nd, 2011
2:27 pm

Erica -Go to BELK or MACY’S for your 5 year old daughter. Beautiful age appropriate dresses and GREAT sales at the Phipps (Belk) and Lenox (Macy’s) stores.

Susan Moore

March 22nd, 2011
2:28 pm

What amazes me is the girls don’t seem to understand is sleazy begets sleazy and sadly they aren’t learning. The generation that is starting to work, if they can find jobs, dress like trash too. A girl should not be sent home from the office because her skirt is too short to cover her. This is happening. It’s up to the mothers, aunts and adults to teach or tease them into good taste.

Lastly, as my mother taught me, “You have one reputation to lose”.

open your eyes

March 22nd, 2011
2:33 pm

Society has lost most of it’s morals -thanks to the liberals -teenage sex is so prevelant you almost have no chance with your kids -sexting -internet porn -teenage girls all over it often with their friends on a web cam doing stuff you only dreamed about as a teen -clothes that make your eyes bug out -and noticed another poster also said it middle school high school oral sex is as common as saying hello girls give it with no thought at all -guys expect it and no even has made it to fifth graders they see it on the internet and figure why not. Gay sex all over popular tv shows -again liberals planting the idea that see it often enough you think it’s acceptable Parents get a grip, study history this decadence is the same thing that helped lead to the fall of the Roman Empire

Lady Strange

March 22nd, 2011
2:37 pm

Well I have a son so I can’t really add much but I won’t ever be buying him those baggy pants that somehow seem to still be in fashion. Thank goodness he’s still a little boy. He’s happy with button up shirts and pants/shorts.

MomOfTweens

March 22nd, 2011
2:39 pm

Great comments, here. I swear, I just wish I could turn back the clock . I have two girls (10, 12) and they are overdeveloped. They’ve outgrown girls’ clothing and now I have to shop in junior’s. It’s tough finding something age appropriate that doesn’t look sexy and too grown. Especially the shorts. They are all way too short, but I will check out the posters’ suggestions about Kohl’s and Old Navy.

I was just in Marshall’s today and most of the shorts in the junior’s section were way too short. I only saw one pair that was a rollup, mid-thigh. All the rest would sit right at the crack of their a**. It can be difficult finding clothing that doesn’t accentuate what I don’t want to be accentuated. I gave the 12 year old the kabosh on a shirt with part of the shoulders out and chains on it.

I’m trying to instill in my girls, “Classy, not trashy.”

JJ

March 22nd, 2011
2:39 pm

Jordache Jeans…..Adias Americanas tennis shoes….

Our “fashion statement” in high school, was to take our brand new jeans, and cut them up the inseam about 4 inches. That just horrified my father……”Your mother just spent $25 on brand new jeans, and you took a pair of scissors to them?” He thought we were crazy….LOL. If he were alive today, it would kill him to see $100 jeans with holes already in them…..

I never wanted to be my daughter’s “friend”. I relished the role of Mom, and I love being her mom. She has plenty of friends, and I don’t want 20 year olds as friends. I love her friends, but I’m not going to dress or act like them. I already did that when I was in my 20s…..

catlady

March 22nd, 2011
2:39 pm

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Well, we have virtually no upper middle class girls at our school (3rd-5th) so I can’t speak about them, but the girls I see dressed like that come from homes with less supervision, less parental involvement, higher rates of single-female-parenthood, former teen mothers, aunts or grandmothers. The girls from wealthier families tend to dress more conservatively, less provocatively.

I hate that the girls see themselves, already, as out for male attention. Many of them have been exposed to their mothers being in abusive or “free wheeling dating,” (ie daddy of the month club) and what I think they internalize is that their budding sexuality is the key to someone being interested in them, “taking care” of them, however short it might be.

We had a girl a few years ago who, as a 3rd-5h grader, was allowed to come to school looking like a pole dancer. Now, she did not buy HERSELF those clothes. She is wearing the same sort of thing, more filled out of course, and with a couple of extra pounds of makeup on, in the alternative school, where she has been since 6th grade. She is about 13, but looks closer to 30.

My personal opinion is that people who dress their daughters like that should be called out on it as the abuse/neglect that it is. Of course, maybe I am “old fashioned,” but I resent what I have seen as the logical conclusion, which the taxpayers pay for.

catlady

March 22nd, 2011
2:41 pm

Ahem. Can you tell the cat must have gotten to the keyboard before I did?

LG

March 22nd, 2011
2:42 pm

The fall of the Roman Empire was old men in the senate deciding not to pay their soliders – nothing more and nothing less – read your history correctly.

catlady

March 22nd, 2011
2:43 pm

I had virtually no “store-bought” dresses or shorts till I was 17!

JATL

March 22nd, 2011
2:45 pm

One of the best stories illustrating why it’s a bad idea to let your daughter dress like a tramp was told to me after a friend witnessed this exchange on MARTA from the airport a few years ago:

A family of four got on -white, suburban-looking, upper middle class looking. The two daughters were about 11 and 13, and both of their butts were hanging out of their “Juicy” shorts with “Juicy” written across the butt (I CANNOT STAND THAT).

Sitting on the train were these two young guys -in their 20s and for lack of better terms they were what the girls’ dad would probably describe as “thugs” or “gangsta-looking.” So they start commenting on the “juicy” young girls, their butts, etc. Finally dear old dad really can’t allow it to go on, even though he looks scared, and says to the guys, “Hey, watch what you’re saying -they’re young girls and they’re my daughters.”

If I had been there, I probably would have clapped at one of the guys’ responses, which was, “Hey, man -you don’t want comments on it -then why you lettin’ her advertise it like that?” Indeed!

joe

March 22nd, 2011
2:48 pm

Today’s Jersey Shore generation is in trouble. Back in my day, we had an MTV that played music videos…not shows that feature kids, and in some instances, pre-teen kids taking part in activities such as drinking, drugs and sex…that just drives the point home that these things are “normal” when they are not at all normal for that age group. But even more so than what on tv today, parents are more to blame for letting them view these programs…and have all day access to various internet sites that do even more damage.

But, with today’s society where some “parents” actively seek out having children as a means to earn more government handouts, I’m not surprised at all by some of the things on the news. If I ever have a child, I will do whatever I can to keep him or her sheltered from these dangerous things.

jarvis

March 22nd, 2011
2:51 pm

Catlady f’ed-up the margin. Please delete the post. It’s making my vertigo act up.

RJ

March 22nd, 2011
2:59 pm

I grew up in the late 80’s and I can assure you that we wore make-up and tight jeans. I hever dressed trampy because I had no desire to do so. My daughter dresses her age. She hates make-up (I still ask her is she REALLY my daughter!:) She wears jeans and t-shirts mostly. Her jeans are usually fitted, but that’s about it. Nothing trampy going on. I guess I’m lucky.

I have had to question middle school students on their wardrobe. I had one girl tell me that her mom told her she had a nice shape, so that’s why she bought her the outfit.

Rick

March 22nd, 2011
3:00 pm

This seems to be a majority or woman on this post so Ladies I hope you don’t mind a mans opinion. I have a daughter and I also work in a school system and I was absolutely shocked the first time I stepped foot back into a high school after 10 years. Looking at the way these girls dress you would think there should be a bouncer and a velvet rope at the doors of the school and only the beautiful people can get in. The parents and administrators in a school HAVE to be the ones stopping these kids from dressing like that.

My daughter does not and will not be dressing like some of these tramps out there becasue that to me is a direct reflection on what kind of parent i am if I am letting her dress that way.

Here is what i think is the bottom line. I hear over and over again that parents never show up to board meetings and put the pressure on school systems board members saying enforce and stick to a dress code. Parents don’t want it becasue they don’t want to hear the gripping of their child who has to wear khaki pants and a nice shirt. We are their parents not their best friends. We made the decision to engage in an act that brought these children into our lives so we need to act like parents and be responsible.

Peachy

March 22nd, 2011
3:00 pm

Please do not blame it on liberals… conservatives’ kids do it just as much! just hide it from their parents more often… and while you are at— liberal, conservative, etc. all ===== the same. say they stand for certain things, still end up doing whatever is on their agenda!

Logic 88

March 22nd, 2011
3:02 pm

May God have mercy on America.

somewhereinga

March 22nd, 2011
3:06 pm

I have a retail store. Every year a mother comes in with her three daughters in their teens. They’re easy to remember. She looks like she puts her make-up on with a putty knife. Eye make-up for the night time stage. Her daughters look like they are dressed as Las Vegas hookers….and I mean CHEAP Las Vegas hookers! All the girls are in skin tight lycra and high heels and we’re talking 12, 14 and maybe 15. Lowcut blouses. They seem to think they’re stylish. They look like trash! Where’s the pimp?

The other reason I always remember them is they always have to touch every thing in the store, LITERALLY, and when they leave (after buying a $10.00 item) I will find $100.00 worth of broken merchandise.

Denise

March 22nd, 2011
3:06 pm

@JOD – YES!!! Z Cavariccis were horrible…but I had a pair. And of course I had them tight rolled at the bottom. When I hadn’t perfected the art, I would get to school early to let my more proficient friends hook my jeans up before the bell rang! I had to be “fresh”. LOLLLL!!

Eclecticdiva

March 22nd, 2011
3:07 pm

@ Momoftweens, I had that same problem with my daughter. I stopped eating out and we had organic, non antibotic meats and milk. That helped curb the development to a slower pace. No fast food burgers or nuggets.

As for clothes, we still battle, she is almost 16. She wants to wear the skinny jeans and low rise jeans – bought them on-line and had them shipped to the house! That is a big no, no. I try to help her find things that compliment her body and are age appropriate.

If you buy things from target walmart, you can layer the low cut tops with a cami or t-shirt underneath. My daughter has learned to layer the tops as I don’t like the looks she gets with the low cut crazy tops out there for girls. As for the shorts, I find her the bermuda shorts and buy them a size bigger. That helps with shrinkage when you wash them so they won’t become super tight. They can roll the cuff of the short up a little if needed.

If anyone is looking for me tonight, I will be finding the skinny jeans to donate to goodwill!

L

March 22nd, 2011
3:12 pm

We are our parents!!!
DRess for SUCCESS!!!
Classy not TRASHY!!!!!

Cammi317

March 22nd, 2011
3:14 pm

ROFL @ “Plow Horses”! Thanks Peach, I am going to have to use that one when I and my daughter are out and about!

JJ

March 22nd, 2011
3:14 pm

You can thank shows like “Jersey Shores” “Bad Girls Club” “Gossip Girls”, etc. These shows are sickening to watch. Spoiled little brats. And unfortunately some children think this is cute and how life really is…..

Joe

March 22nd, 2011
3:19 pm

Sex is evil! Teens should not be having sex! We need to train our teens in close quarter combat drills. That will keep their minds off of that filthy business!

Dress our daughters in combat fatigues! Not mini-skirts!

Superman

March 22nd, 2011
3:31 pm

My daughters will not dress that way, period. Ain’t going to happen.

CP

March 22nd, 2011
3:32 pm

Theresa – I agree with you about mini-boden – they have the best clothes for young girls. It’s really not that expensive when you consider the clothes are great quality, there’s no sales tax – and they are always running specials including free shipping. (Assuming you buy on-line and not from Nordstrom.)

I found my girls have mostly outgrown Hanna Anderson by the time they were 7. Really cute on little kids, but not so great for older ones.

Superman

March 22nd, 2011
3:34 pm

If there is a father in the house, he needs to lay down the law.. not to sound sexist, but there are some things only a man can do! Stop trying to be best friends with your children and set some boundaries. Trust me, they will thank you for it one day.

DB

March 22nd, 2011
3:41 pm

America teaches modern mom’s to “eat their young”. Basically, due to competition, inferiority complexes and feelings of inadequacy, many women allow their young girls to dress and act like whores in hopes that they WILL fail in life. It’s insidious and most women don’t realize that they have been programmed to create children that fail. By undereducating, overfeeding, supporting laziness, passing lies as truth, overmedicating and parenting in absentia, mothers know deep down that their children will most likely fail and they do it anyway! Against motherly instinct, millennium mommas want to Facebook and Tweet their lives when they should be building character filled children – and not just for public display – but because that is how children should be raised. This improves the chances that momma will have achieved more than her children and thus will be adored for motherly success without having to trying real hard and being good parents. Instead, their children’s -boys too – accomplishments will be secondary because the parents bought into the “i got mine” mentality when they were young.

Becky

March 22nd, 2011
3:52 pm

Mine’s only 8, so I don’t have any problems with her clothes..She doesn’t like shirts that show her belly & her shorts have to be “just” the right length..Guess, I’ll see how things go when she becomes a teen..None of the other teens in my family really care for short shorts or belly shirts, so again, time will tell..

Cammi317

March 22nd, 2011
4:00 pm

Perhaps the title of this blog should have been “Why Do Some People Let Their Daughters Dress This Way?” “We” implies everyone does it, and clearly, “we” all do not….

Erica

March 22nd, 2011
4:05 pm

@ Theresa: Thanks for the tips. I love Hannah Andersen, but will check out mini boden as well.

@Denise: When you mentioned Guess, I had a high school flashback. Remember when the Guess overalls were all the rage? I wanted a pair so bad and they cost $75, even back then. My mom gave MAJOR push back on that and told me if I wanted them, to pay for em. So, I saved up my money from work and finally bought a pair and boy was I proud of them.

Teacher, Too

March 22nd, 2011
4:06 pm

Can someone just get rid of the ugly skinny jeans? Why not just wear a pair of tights and call it a day?

Erica

March 22nd, 2011
4:07 pm

@ Superman: My husband usually stays out of the clothing conversation, but two things can raise his antenna and ire. First, anything witgh writing on the butt (they sell sweat pants with writing on the butt), and two piece swim suits. You may hear him make a grumbly comment if he think my little girls shorts are shorter than he’d like. So yes, a daddy in the house makes some difference with girls’ attire.

JOD

March 22nd, 2011
4:19 pm

@Teacher, Too – Amen! The only thing worse than skinny jeans on a girl is skinny jeans on a boy!

Becky

March 22nd, 2011
4:31 pm

@Teacher,Too & JOD..Haha with the skinny jeans..Have a coworker that her son wears them and has them in just about every color they make them in..My 8 yr old wanted some skinny jeans, so I bought her a pair (at thrift store), over the weekend, the boy put them on in error..She was quick to tell him that boys do not wear skinny jeans…

Denise

March 22nd, 2011
4:43 pm

@Erica – yes, I loved my Guess overalls/jumper! It cost $100 where I was I think and that was my Christmas present. Might have been the only one I got from Mama and Daddy but it was worth it. Did you wear it with a wide belt around it? ;-)

motherjanegoose

March 22nd, 2011
7:52 pm

Been out all day and have not had time to read all the posts. I lucked out completely with this issue.

My daughter is WAY modest and will not even wear a 2 piece swim suit. She has a size 6 great figure…much nicer than mine was at her age. She is not AT ALL about showing her body off. She dresses in lots of cute things and I have never, ever had to tell her she would not be leaving the house in something. A blessing but true! Son lived in jeans/sweats and t-shirts all through HS.
He is now known for his silly hoody collection. He is also a snappy dresser, with argyle socks that match his tie and dress shirts ( he has to wear to work).

I will say that it is hard to focus on a sermon in church, when the teen in front of you has a thong sticking out of her low cut pants. I am a MOM…what about boys…. ’nuff said….

deidre_NC

March 22nd, 2011
9:40 pm

wow…i see teens dressed like hookers but never related it to their moms reliving their youth…my daughters never dressed like that or wanted to. not trying to say they are perfect by any means-and they arent goody goody girls either…but they just never wanted the bad attention they would get if they looked like hookers. they knew what kind of attention they would get by watching the girls who did dress like that.

Bluebell

March 23rd, 2011
1:24 am

Girls can dress any way they want to. They should especially wear skinny jeans. They have the bodies for it. Those of you who disapprove obviously wear high waisted mom jeans to hide your bloated bellies and thighs heavy with cellulite.

Bluebell

March 23rd, 2011
1:29 am

Also, whoever said that she bought her daughter oversized bermuda shorts so they wouldn’t shrink down tight needs to be visited by the fashion police. You have turned your daughter into a giant dweeb.
Bad mommie!

DB

March 23rd, 2011
2:19 am

@Teacher, Too: Why not just wear a pair of tights and call it a day? They ARE!! Haven’t you seen the young women walking around in what are basically tights and a top? My husband was behind one in the grocery store the other day, and his eyes just about fell out of his head –forget skinny jeans, those tights were so tight they outlined the mole on her butt! We noticed our first outfit like this last Christmas on our way back from a party — coming out of a QT, this young woman looked like she had forgotten to put on her skirt! But we’ve seen it several times since then. It’s — amazing.

@Bluebell: I think you’re just trolling, but just in case you aren’t — are you prepared to be a grandmother by the time you’re 30?

Old Sandra

March 23rd, 2011
4:33 am

Personally, I would love to be able to find some nice high waisted mom jeans. I hate the low and mid rise ones.

Our sons know that hubby and I would not be impressed if they brought home a girl to meet us who was wearing next to nothing. More importantly, the boys know that I would pass out if they brought home a girl that spits in public. A few weeks ago we were driving to town and watched as a girl in the backseat in the car ahead of us lobbed a wad out the window barely missing the car next to them.

Luckily our daughters are still too young to want any of the hookerwear and we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Sarah

March 23rd, 2011
9:54 am

I had a slightly different experience as a child, a teenager, and even into my 20s (I am 28). I never liked wearing dresses or skirts, and I would have been in jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers all the time, if I could have done so. I rarely wear make-up, and even then, I do not wear much. And I have always despised wearing heels and have never done so (furthermore, they can be very bad for you! http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/graphic/2007/05/07/GR2007050700484.html ).

tracey

March 23rd, 2011
3:00 pm

there’s nothing wrong with a girl wanting to be ‘in style’ or looking good. there has to be a happy medium though. i have teenage boys. i’m pretty ok with ’self – expression’ within reason. but, i will admit i see teenage girls in church on sundays and i wonder why on earth their mama let them out of the house looking like that. i can remember being a teenage girl and having battles with my mom over what i wanted to wear. i was a little more, ahem, developed than some of my friends. i spent years being told i wasn’t going out of the house looking like dolly parton. i swear, i ended up with a complex.