Top 10 passion killers for couples
There was a Reuters story last week about how couples are now experiencing problems at the 3-year mark instead of the 7-year mark. And while that is interesting I think the more interesting part of the story was buried in the very last paragraph — the TOP 10 everyday things that couples said kill the passion in the marriage.
So here they are in order, the top 10 everyday niggles and passion killers (as they described it):
1. Weight gain/lack of exercise, 13 percent;
2. Money & Spend thriftiness, 11 percent;
3. Anti-social working hours, 10 percent;
4. Hygiene issues (personal cleanliness), 9 percent;
5. In-Laws/extended family – too much/too little, 9 percent;
6. Lack of romance (sex, treats etc.), 8 percent;
7. Alcohol – drinking too much, 7 percent;
8. Snoring & anti social bedtime habits, 6 percent;
9. Lapsed fashion-Same old underwear/clothes, 4 percent;
10. Bathroom habits – Stray nail cuttings etc., 4 percent.
Here is more information on the poll from Reuters:
“The survey of 2,000 British adults in steady relationships pinpointed the 36-month mark as the time when relationship stress levels peak and points to a new trend of “pink passes” and “solo” holidays away from partners and spouses that many Britons resort to in order to keep romance alive.”
“Longer working hours combined with money worries are clearly taking their toll on modern relationships and we are seeing an increasing trend for solo holidays and weekends away from marriages and relationships in order to revive the romantic spark,” said pollster Judi James who oversaw the survey….”
“The findings showed that 67 percent of all of those surveyed said that small irritations which are seemingly harmless and often endearing during the first flushes of love often expand into major irritations around 36 months.”
I always thought the first year of marriage was actually one of the hardest. There are a lot of adjustments to be made to married life. I also think you learn to work around some of the annoying habits but you have to stick with it long enough to learn the workarounds. For example, Michael does snore very loudly. It doesn’t bother me at all as long as I fall asleep before him.
I think on the money you just really have to decide to work together and compromise. If you are not on the same page with whether you are spending or saving that is definitely a problem. Early in our marriage I think I wanted to spend more on furniture than he did. I remember one giant fight about an Ethan Allan pouf for the living room. So glad he won that fight and I don’t have this giant pouf to deal with. After having kids, I think we are definitely more in sync about expenditures and priorities – it’s all going to the kids.
So what do you think: What do you think of their list of Top 10 things that can kill romance? Do any of these affect your relationship? What do you make of the 3-year problem versus the 7-year? Any solution for young couples on these issues?
– Theresa Walsh Giarrusso, AJC Momania
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33 comments Add your comment
Miss Priss!
March 14th, 2011
2:20 pm
But in every commercial about snoring cures … it’s always the fellow who needs to be cured. Never the wife! No wonder men feel abused. Here are some other items I’ve noticed by watching TV commercials …
■Woman are obsessed with food
■Woman are obsessed with their weight
■Woman are obsessed with their lack of satisfying bowel functions
■When women eat soup they have a look of ecstasy on their face
■Women will steal each others’ food if the opportunity presents itself
■Only women are shown scrubbing nasty commodes. I never saw a commercial where some man was scrubbing a nasty commode
■Only women are shown taking care of children. I never saw a commercial where a man is taking care of a child
■Around the house only women collect pet hair wads
■No women pitch alcohol or drug addiction cures
■Only women vacuum
■Women deeply dislike their husband’s mother
■Only women fall down and can’t get up. And that woman who falls down all the time should screech what she’s really upset about and that’s not being able to reach her cigarettes
■If a burglar is going to kick a door down or bust through a window while somebody is actually home during the middle of the day the people in the house will be a woman and with the woman will be her daughter and not her son. And the burglar will always be a man. Not a woman
■No women are ever seen in pick-up truck commercials
■No women snore
And now for the way men are depicted …
■Husbands are stupid
■Boyfriends are stupid
■Men are stupid
■Men dress badly
■Men never shave
■Men are lazy
■Men are very capable of setting themselves on fire
■Men are bad with tools
■Men are bad about paying the bills
■Men burgle homes in the middle of the day by busting through a window even when the buglar can see through the window that a mother and her daughter are making sandwiches in the kitchen
■Only men grill food if they haven’t already set themselves on fire
■Married men are henpecked and they know it and there’s nothing they can do about it
■Men are fat
■Only men snore
■Men deeply dislike their wife’s mother
■All men want to do is watch sports activities on TV
■Only men have problems with their sex organ performance
Here’s a few other things I learned about men and women from watching a lot of commercials on TV this summer. If a commercial includes a man and a woman the commercial will always be about …
■Buying furniture
■Buying a car
■Buying a refrigerator or a combo washer dryer affair
■Buying wall paint
■Buying a mattress that will help eliminate their body pains
■Curing the husband’s snoring
■Appreciating that the husband is now on a drug that is helping his sex organ performance
jarvis
March 14th, 2011
2:38 pm
I find it interesting that there are 10 reasons and the highest percentage any of the 10 received was 13%.
Basically, their study shows that there are many reasons why marriages fail, and they weren’t able to show that any one is far more likely than any of the others.
jarvis
March 14th, 2011
2:39 pm
Priss, you might want to think about getting your own blog. That was a lot to ignore.
Miss Priss!
March 14th, 2011
2:42 pm
jarvis! My passion can’t be killed! Go change your underwear, sweetie!
shaggy
March 14th, 2011
2:43 pm
Miss Priss,
You watch entirely too much TV. I would rather be lobotomized than watch that much TV. Actually, that is equivalent to being lobotomized.
There are these things called “hobbies” that people do with loads of spare time, which you obviously have way too much of. Get one quick.
Miss Priss!
March 14th, 2011
2:46 pm
Shaggy! I have an exclamation mark at the end of my nom de plum, if you don’t mind! A lot of TV? That was about thirty minute’s worth!
Of course, Theresa was asking us to help liven things up around here. You and jarvis are real squares.
Photius
March 14th, 2011
3:14 pm
1. Weight gain – big time. If I come home to find Shamoo the Whale, I’m gone!
2. Complaining, nagging, whining, nit picking,
3. Grooming – “The Jungle” is not welcome.
4. Chopping all your hair off once you become a Mommy as if to say, “I don’t care anymore what I look like”.
5. Scrunchies in your hair if you haven’t chopped it off yet.
6. Focusing all your energy on the child and not enough on the spouse.
Oh, snap!
March 14th, 2011
3:22 pm
Miss Priss!: +1
Photius: +1
Jarvis: 0
justmy2cents
March 14th, 2011
3:24 pm
LOL @ Photius
1.My husband has gained about 50 lbs. since we got married. Does that mean I should leave him?
2. Nagging – if you did it the first time you were asked, there is no need for nagging! Men should quit procrastinating so they can watch 5 more minutes of Sports Center.
3. Agreed- both male & female!
4. What if men go bald; should we leave them then?
5. no comment either way on that
6. agreed, but with men it is usually focusing all their energy and time on work
Hubby is guilty of 5 of the above, and I am guilty of 2, but somehow we still love each other and keep on keeping on. I think a lot of people go into relationships and marriages with the thought of “oh well, if it doesn’t work out, I can always leave” vs. the thought of trying to make it work. It is so much easier to call it quits. I’ve always thought, in order to reduce the divorce rate, marriage should have a “lease to buy” option if you get married really young. :o)
Miss Priss!
March 14th, 2011
3:27 pm
Oh, snap! Exactly right! I love your exclamation mark, too, sweetheart! Sexy! And when men start learning how to read our minds … well .. that’ll help strengthen relationships, too.
Photius, darling, my jungle is more like the rough at Augusta National Golf Club the past couple of years. Just enough … to get in a whole lot of trouble!
Miss Priss!
March 14th, 2011
3:29 pm
Theresa, sweetie! Is this sort of what you’re looking for to liven things up around here! I’ve got lots of material! No names, though!
tracey
March 14th, 2011
3:29 pm
amen justmy2cents. men get to a point where they can no longer see their ‘junk’ but they’re ok. a woman has 2 or 3 kids and body changes and all of a sudden she’s fat. and nothing is wrong with short hair, or pulling it up in a pony tail. photius needs to get a grip.
MomsRule
March 14th, 2011
3:35 pm
@ Photius,
Scrunchies? Really? Why is that?
abc
March 14th, 2011
3:39 pm
Most men like long hair. Most women know that. If a woman doesn’t care if her husband admires her appearance, or if he doesn’t anyway, then she’ll wear it short. Few women look great with short hair.
I think the poll is a little bogus. I’m not sure that British and American perspectives line up all that well, anyway.
Wonderin' Dwayne
March 14th, 2011
3:49 pm
A passion killer? Howabout a relationship dragger downer? She starts every sentence with three smug words: Why are you … ?
And, Miss Priss!...
March 14th, 2011
3:53 pm
…all burglers are white, too…
Photius
March 14th, 2011
3:56 pm
Men should most certainly “Man-scape” the terrain. What woman on earth would marry a Greek who goes a la natural? Gross. Men who have the big fat beer bellies that are as hard as a basketball should start eating salads instantly.
Oh and another thing – it’s the man’s responsibility to push for intimacy, and then totally knock it out of the park. No 15 minutes of the same old same old… There is not a woman alive who doesn’t like new things, new ideas and a new way to make her go “BOING!”. Show me a woman who is going BOING on a regular basis, I’ll show you a woman who doesn’t complain as much. Make Mommy go “BOING” so much her legs wobble and I’ll show you a wife who will gladly give her husband the remote control and get him a beer.
At my house Photius...
March 14th, 2011
4:00 pm
…I can make my wife go BOING in a sexual way; what I have trouble with is getting her to allow me to TRY to get her to BOING…THAT is a real problem…
Miss Priss!
March 14th, 2011
4:00 pm
And what’s up with every man looking exactly alike these days, too! Was there a law passed or something?
Here’s the law I guess …
1. Shaved head
2. Goatee
3. Huge gut
4. Cargo shorts
5. Bad shirt
6. Too hairy legs
7. Tough guy wannabee … or sort of a sports-redneck-country boy thing
Not sexy! Who’s got style!
Lori
March 14th, 2011
4:21 pm
How about this, men…..We’ll all keep our hair long, if you quit complaining about how much time it takes us to get ready to go in the morning. Long hair is a lot of work!!
Also, how about shaving regularly. I don’t like kissing stubble!!
Well, Lori...
March 14th, 2011
4:41 pm
…we don’t like getting “razor burn” from y’all on our cheeks either…
DB
March 14th, 2011
5:07 pm
According to that survey, there are a lot of really shallow people out there. Weight gain? Really? Same underwear? These are “deal killers”? Sheesh.
newblogger
March 14th, 2011
5:12 pm
In my humble opinion….(A)Just because someone cuts her hair off does not mean she doesn’t care anymore….(B)Not all women look good with long hair….(C)Not all men are so shallow as to think their wives look sexy only if their hair is long. Jeeze, what century do we live in anyway? (and no, making me go “BOING” will not make me want to hand over the remote and “get my man a beer”, although taking out the trash, helping with the laundry and complimenting me on my short hair might just do it)
Old Sandra
March 14th, 2011
6:16 pm
Well, I have long dark brown hair but I have dyed it purple and am thinking about cutting it shortish with a lot of wild laying going on. I have asked the hubby if it is a deal breaker and he said, “no” as long as I am happy with the way I look then he is ok with that.
As far as men setting themselves on fire, as far as I know my husband has never set himself on fire. On the other hand, I have. As a teen and young adult …….. I set the livingroom carpet on fire while prodding at the embers in the woodstove. My mom picked up the smoking log with her bare hands and threw it back into the stove and stomped the fire out on the carpet …….. I set my clothes on fire when I hung them over the bathroom heater while I was taking a shower. My mom yanked me out and threw the clothes out the back door …….. I set my (then really long) hair on fire from the gas stove when I leaned over it to reach a cup. I only realized I was on fire when my mom (again) put it out with her bare hands …….. Finally, my parents must have the reflexes of superman the way they yanked me out of a bonfire I tripped into. Because of this, I was banned from going anywhere near fire or using anything that used flames for many years by my parents.
Old Sandra
March 14th, 2011
6:39 pm
On Theresa list, I am guilty of #1 & #9 mostly :-) …. I would love to lose 10lbs. I am a size 10/12 here or a 8/10 there but would look better as a 8/10 here or 6/8 there. Or something like that. :-))))) I also hate to buy underwear and would much rather steal hubby’s!!
madmommy
March 14th, 2011
6:45 pm
Ok,so I’m thinking that there are a few things that “kill” a relationship/marriage. 1. Gaining weight can affect things, but within reason. I had a child an gained a ton of weight, but got back down and even smaller and toned to be honest while the hubby has gotten a bit soft and round. 2. The lack of help with the kids or house. I am tired of being the one who is in charge of it all and who has to do it all at the same time. Please, please don’t complain about the noise I am making when cleaning the house or playing with the kids while your sitting in your “chair” watching it all taking place. No, just taking the trash out doesn’t help as help and keeping the kids while I workout is NOT babysitting. I guess I just thought it would be more 50/50 since that is how things started out. Now I can just forget it, oh and work a 50 hour work week on top of it all. If you wanted your mommy you should have just stayed home.
BTW, having seperate bedrooms has helped with the snorring and the fact that I can’t hardly sleep anymore due to stress. Life is still good though and I at least know where things stand.
Husband of Blog writer
March 14th, 2011
7:47 pm
What ruined it for me and my wife was when she started doing a lame blog about being a mom for the AJC. Since then the passion and romance sucks. Also, her butt got too big.
Big book of British smiles
March 14th, 2011
7:48 pm
So this poll was done with Brits? have you seen the dental work on these people?
JOD
March 15th, 2011
10:17 am
@Old Sandra – Too funny! I hope your track record has improved with time :o)
@madmommy – Amen! Don’t ask me what’s wrong when I got up at 7 on a Saturday to run errands and wrangle the child, then you roll out of bed at noon to see what’s on TV!
To those griping about hairy men – I agree that everything should be tidy, but there’s just something icky about a man with smoother legs or arms than me…is ‘tidy but manly’ a grooming option?
from the novel Toonamint of Champions
March 15th, 2011
1:36 pm
“Mules” was the mean and awful word LaJuanita calls women. She knows it’s mean and awful, but that’s just the way LaJuanita feels since she deals with woman and the hair on their head or their upper lips or around their nipples or in their armpits or down there between their fat legs all day for six days a week so she says to everybody she’s justified. “Here comes that mule,” LaJuanita says when she sees her customer and the customers of the other hairdressers get out of their pick up trucks with their cigarettes in their mouths still eating something.
deidre_NC
March 15th, 2011
8:42 pm
miss priss! your list cracked me up :)
Miss Priss!
March 16th, 2011
9:03 am
deidre_NC … thank you so much, honey! It’s true as all get out! And could have been longer, especially in the women’s section!
Keep It Trimmed,
Miss Priss!
Ole Guy
March 21st, 2011
4:16 pm
No one seems to mention that good ole post-Weenie Beenie fart…must be a religious thing!