There was a Reuters story last week about how couples are now experiencing problems at the 3-year mark instead of the 7-year mark. And while that is interesting I think the more interesting part of the story was buried in the very last paragraph — the TOP 10 everyday things that couples said kill the passion in the marriage.
1. Weight gain/lack of exercise, 13 percent;
2. Money & Spend thriftiness, 11 percent;
3. Anti-social working hours, 10 percent;
4. Hygiene issues (personal cleanliness), 9 percent;
5. In-Laws/extended family – too much/too little, 9 percent;
6. Lack of romance (sex, treats etc.), 8 percent;
7. Alcohol – drinking too much, 7 percent;
8. Snoring & anti social bedtime habits, 6 percent;
9. Lapsed fashion-Same old underwear/clothes, 4 percent;
10. Bathroom habits – Stray nail cuttings etc., 4 percent.
Here is more information on the poll from Reuters:
“The survey of 2,000 British adults in steady relationships pinpointed the 36-month mark as the time when relationship stress levels peak and points to a new trend of “pink passes” and “solo” holidays away from partners and spouses that many Britons resort to in order to keep romance alive.”
“Longer working hours combined with money worries are clearly taking their toll on modern relationships and we are seeing an increasing trend for solo holidays and weekends away from marriages and relationships in order to revive the romantic spark,” said pollster Judi James who oversaw the survey….”
“The findings showed that 67 percent of all of those surveyed said that small irritations which are seemingly harmless and often endearing during the first flushes of love often expand into major irritations around 36 months.”
I always thought the first year of marriage was actually one of the hardest. There are a lot of adjustments to be made to married life. I also think you learn to work around some of the annoying habits but you have to stick with it long enough to learn the workarounds. For example, Michael does snore very loudly. It doesn’t bother me at all as long as I fall asleep before him.
I think on the money you just really have to decide to work together and compromise. If you are not on the same page with whether you are spending or saving that is definitely a problem. Early in our marriage I think I wanted to spend more on furniture than he did. I remember one giant fight about an Ethan Allan pouf for the living room. So glad he won that fight and I don’t have this giant pouf to deal with. After having kids, I think we are definitely more in sync about expenditures and priorities – it’s all going to the kids.
So what do you think: What do you think of their list of Top 10 things that can kill romance? Do any of these affect your relationship? What do you make of the 3-year problem versus the 7-year? Any solution for young couples on these issues?
– Theresa Walsh Giarrusso, AJC Momania