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Momania: A Blog for Busy Moms

‘Glee’ Dad offers one of the best sex talks ever!

1:00 pm March 11, 2011, by Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

I didn’t watch Tuesday’s “Glee” episode until Thursday so I am a little late on this topic, but I wanted to share with you all one of the best sex talks I have ever heard. (You can see the scene above if you click to 32:21. If you don’t immediately click over t the correct minutes you will end up watching four commercials instead of two — hate that! I promise to start watching “Glee” at it’s actual time instead of two days later!)

Tuesday’s episode was all about teaching the kids about sex. (Britney thought a bird building a nest outside her house meant she was pregnant, and Finn thought he got his girlfriend pregnant through hot tub water.)

For those of you who don’t watch “Glee” there are several gay characters (in high school) on the show. Kurt is a young, out gay man who is very innocent. Kurt’s dad Burt picked up pamphlets to explain the mechanics of sex to him but what he really wanted to talk about was why sex mattered and how it was more than a physical act.

When I went looking on the internet to find the words to Kurt’s Dad speech I found multiple articles agreeing that is was truly a great speech about sex – gay or otherwise.

From Entertainment Weekly’s transcript:

“With two guys, you got two people who think that sex is just sex. It’s gonna be easier to come by. And once you start doin’ this stuff, you’re not gonna wanna stop,” Burt said. “You gotta know that it means something. It’s doing something to you, to your heart, to your self-esteem — even though it feels like you’re just havin’ fun.” …

“Kurt, when you’re ready, I want you to be able to … do everything. But when you’re ready, I want you to use it as a way to connect to another person. Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter. ‘Cause you matter, Kurt.”

I think the writers really articulated how the act of sex can affect your feelings about yourself. I love the line “Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter. ‘Cause you matter..”

I think if more parents said those words to their kids there would be at least more thought before having sex and hopefully less just having sex.

We always heard growing up that boys use ‘love’ to get sex and girls use sex to get love.

I think girls especially want to be such pleasers and are willing to throw themselves around in search of “LOVE!!” and then end up feeling like crap because they don’t understand the way the physical act is connected to their self-esteem.

I plan to file this puppy away for later use. Good words that parents can steal for an uncomfortable conversation that needs to be had.

So what did you think of Burt’s speech to Kurt? Would you crib parts of it for your own uncomfortable talk? Have you explained to your kids the self-esteem connection to the physical act of sex? Did your parents explain that? (I think I was just told you’re going to hell if you have premarital sex and it’s wrong. That’s at least the message I remember.)

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17 comments Add your comment

JJ

March 11th, 2011
1:08 pm

I haven’t watched Glee this season, but I do love Kurt’s father……he is what every parent of a gay child should be, and that’s accepting his son as he is. It took him awhile, but he loves his child. And yes I know it’s a tv show, but the message they send is very appropriate!!!!

I wish more people were tolerant of the gay lifestyle. They are people just like you and I.

Tad Jackson

March 11th, 2011
1:17 pm

When I was a substitute teacher at a school for kids with learning and behavior disorders, the sneaky middle school principal cornered me and asked me if I would give the annual sex lecture to the fifty 5th and 6th grade boys because the science teacher didn’t want to do it.

Heck, seventy-five bucks for sort of talking about sex for forty-five minutes and then I could run out of the building. Now that’s a good deal. Two days before the lecture I handed out index cards and asked the inquisitive fellows to write down what they wanted me to talk about. Here’s what I got back …

Why do we laugh at gross things?
Does dressing appropriately effect how you smell?
How do you get sleepy?
How did you win?
Where do your zits go after you wash them?
What is an erection?
What causes an erection?
Why do a hormones change?
What does your brain look like?
Do you smell when u r an adult?
How do you grow zits?
Why do my balls hert sometimes?
What is the name of the school?
How many years does it take to become a man?
Why do you grow hair in those places?
Why do girls mature faster than boys?
Where does hair grow quickest?
How many showers should you take?
Why don’t you get treated differently when you don’t take a shower?
Why do the girls like you better if you are clean?
Is there a way to avoid hair?
Do all old people have a lot of hair?
Why do we get smelly?
How do we get her?
Talk about girls
Always believe in yourself
Have a positive attitude

Exactly, kid. Have a positive attitude. That’s how you win; that’s how you get her; that’s what you’ll need when you get old and lose your hair; and that’s how you get through a forty-five minute sex lecture. Me, not you.

http://www.adixiediary.com

Photius

March 11th, 2011
1:38 pm

Boys are going to seek an outlet no matter what, unless their parents have screwed thier head up with religious doctrine and guilt. Our son is at a certain age where both of us tell him to Play the Field. Do not marry the first one you have an ecounter with… Get everything out of your system. Play the field until you are married.

Techmom

March 11th, 2011
1:46 pm

“This is gonna suck for both of us.” Ahhahahaha how true!

“I think on your 30th birthday it is a great gift to yourself.”

I don’t watch Glee but I do think that was handled pretty well. I would guess that most parents of teens, let alone gay teens, are definitely not having this open of a conversation with their kids.

Becky

March 11th, 2011
2:16 pm

@Photius..I only wish that my great neice would of heeded that same advice..At the ripe old age of 18, not only did she marry the one and only boy that she had ever dated, she had his name tattooed on her..First month, they weren’t even speaking to each other, second month they loved each other and during their seventh month, she moved back home to Mom..Combination that they were both way to young and the big insurance settlement that she inherited from her Dad’s death was gone..Sad (to me anyway)..So hope your son follows your advice..

drumstick

March 11th, 2011
2:25 pm

I’m a 47 year old gay man who’s been in a stable, monogamous relationship for 23 years…but I have to say that I would have loved to have advice like that from my Dad!!

Everything he said is very accurate and explains a lot about the public perception of gay “promiscuity”. I would say the vast majority of gay men are seeking stable relationships, and most find them. But there is a large segment of the gay male population – especially younger men – who have a hard time connecting their sex life with their emotional life. They have lots of sex in pursuit of Mr. Right, who will fulfill their emotional life, only to discover that Mr. Right is inside their own head. A fulfilling relationship requires being vulnerability and compromise. Not something men are trained to do.

There are of course plenty of other reasons for gay people to become promiscuous, rejection by their families, feelings of worthlessness, etc. but Kurt’s dad really did a great job at charting a responsible path forward!

DB

March 11th, 2011
2:53 pm

I really, realy like it — especially the part about not throwing yourself around. It’s tender, it’s poignant, and it’s respectful of yourself and those you may choose to be intimate with. That applies whether you’re gay or straight. My daughter used to have a friend (definitely now an ex-friend) who turned into quite the little party animal when she hit college — to the point where parties were rated in her head as a success or flop depending on how many guys she had managed to screw that night, preferably with vast quantities of alcohol. She had so many other emotional issues with regards to her family and her own psychological well-being — it broke my heart to see her go down that path, but at some point, some kids just have to burn themselves out before they find their center, if they don’t kill themselves trying.

Amy

March 11th, 2011
4:35 pm

I said the same thing when I saw it, “best sex talk ever”. I even told my sister to be sure and watch it because i thought it would be helpful in talking to her children. I often feel that Glee pushes the boundries of appropriate tv for their pre-teen audiences, but this one they got right.

Amy

March 11th, 2011
4:40 pm

“Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter. ‘Cause you matter, ______.”

Just wanted to add that this line should be carved into every wall in every high school in America.

HB

March 11th, 2011
9:24 pm

Glee hasn’t been as good lately, and I was just about ready to stop watching the other night when this wonderful scene came on. Definitely, the best sex talk ever.

almh

March 11th, 2011
9:45 pm

I didn’t see this episode but Kurt’s relationship with his father is one of my favorite parts of the show.

I think the scene...

March 12th, 2011
8:41 am

…immediately AFTER the “talk” is much better – “my lips are sealed, just like your legs”… what a great line…

ssidawg

March 12th, 2011
9:52 am

I also thought this was handled really well. A great mother-daughter sex talk is from Friday Night Lights season 3 between Tami and Julie. If I ever have a daughter I will probably use Tami’s speech word for word.

I love the idea of teaching kids that they DO matter and that they can make good decisions.

def agree

March 12th, 2011
6:14 pm

haha. I am a gleek and must say that this episode was good. but what made it awk was that I was watching it on my computer (im 18) and my mom walked in and asked what I was doing. I responded with glee, to which she said “ohh grandma said i should watch the sex talk.. can I watch it with you?” i did not let her watch it with me. i love my mom and we literally talk about everything, but idk how i feel discussing the homosexual aspect of sex. I definetely know that I dont fly that way, so I didnt see why i needed to talk to my mom abt it. but i believe that the message still holds true. everyone matters, so they should treat themselves like they matter. I do. and thats why I plan on being a virgin until im married.

JATL

March 12th, 2011
9:44 pm

@ssidawg – I bawled at that episode of Friday Night Lights! I wish my mom could have given me that talk! And I am definitely using, “Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter, because you matter!” That is fabulous advice!

Young@heart

March 14th, 2011
9:42 am

Amy~ I agree post it!……Best sex talk ever….I was watching and wished my mom or dad would have said something like that to me.

FCM

March 16th, 2011
1:35 pm

Watched it with my children…allowed us to have a great discussion. I paused the show when he told Kurt about it effecting your heart, your self esteem…and again when he told Kurt he mattered. The kids got the point. YOu could tell…I did have to explain why bird-brained Brittany thought the stork building a nest on the garage…..I never when that route in our “talks”. Honest open dialogue (like Burt) all the way.