Would you give your spouse a ‘Hall Pass’ for extra-marital sex?

So there is a new movie out this weekend called “Hall Pass” starring SNL player Jason Sudeikis and Owen Wilson. It has not gotten great reviews from the critics but the gist of the movie is the wives give their horny husbands a week to cheat.

I’ve never heard of a wife giving a husband a week to cheat but you do hear about people giving their spouse a one-time pass with a celebrity. If they happened for some reason to meet their favorite celebrity then they could have at it. (I interviewed at “George” magazine when we lived in NYC, and if the editor John F. Kennedy Jr. had made any move I was going for it! Sorry Michael!)

Would you give your spouse a pass to cheat – one time or for a week or for an open marriage? Do you think that would actually help intimacy or your marriage? Will you see the movie?

(I have posted two topics at the same time to make up for the lost day of sickness! See the second topic — Who gave what to whom? Tracking illness through your family. Am I throwing up from my 3-year old?)

44 comments Add your comment

[...] (I am posting two topics at once to make up for the lost day — sorry about that! The second to… [...]

really

February 25th, 2011
2:05 pm

not at all. and i WILL NOT watch the movie. end of story.

BusyMom

February 25th, 2011
2:09 pm

Never…and I heard the movie is horrible, so I won’t be watching.

Lady Strange

February 25th, 2011
2:25 pm

I don’t currently have a spouse or anything but, no way! And don’t care to see the movie either.

Photius

February 25th, 2011
2:27 pm

For me…. if BellaDonna shows up at my door, I’m going for it!

Mom of older kids

February 25th, 2011
2:32 pm

Techmom

February 25th, 2011
2:38 pm

No way would I agree to that. I suppose it’s the lesser of evils versus an affair but still not happening.

JATL

February 25th, 2011
2:54 pm

Ahhhhh NO! No passes -sorry! It’s fun to joke about the celebrity thing, and my “celebrity pass” changes from time to time as does my husband’s, but seriously -it’s in no way realistic to think either of us would be in that position with our celebrity of choice, so I don’t really count that as a real pass I’m giving him.

deidre_NC

February 25th, 2011
3:05 pm

jarvis

February 25th, 2011
3:10 pm

This wouldn’t fly at my house.

I have enough trouble getting my wife to let me have sex with her let alone another female :).

Eric

February 25th, 2011
3:19 pm

As a man, I’m not sure how I feel about that. So here are some of my random thoughts on the issue. I completely realize that just because my partner (not currently married) loves me and enjoys my company, I am never going to fulfill her every desire. Certainly we can talk about our fantasies with each other and try to see if there is a way to act out those fantasies in an attempt to keep our sex life interesting. But I am totally mindful of the fact that I can never be everything she wants me to be. So a part of me asks myself if it’s fair to keep my partner from experiencing those things that I cannot give her? Who am I to tell her I’m sorry but as your lifelong partner you’ll forever have to do without? I love her and accept her for who she is and all of her fantasies, so why would I stop her from pursuing something I can give her? And then another part of me says, if she loves me, I should be enough for her…even if that stance seems selfish.

Would I give my wife/partner a pass? I don’t really know. I guess I would have to evaluate where we are in our relationship, our level of committment to each other, our sense of loyalty, and how comfortable I am with our relationship. I think we all dream of that perfect relationship where two people are totally satisfied with each other and wouldn’t dream of straying. But the reality is that lot’s of marriages and relationships end due to cheating. One could say that the person that cheated wasn’t mature enough for a relationship, but on the flip side, you could say that the person loves me and wants to spend a lifetime with me, but has a need I can’t provide.

So you see…I’m torn on this issue. A part of me thinks if I loved her enough, I would allow her an opportunity to have all of her needs met. I have friends who have an “open” marriage. Sometimes I am in awe of the love and respect that they share for each other. Other times I think they are fooling themselves and holding on to something seriously flawed. But the one thing I have noticed is that their relationship has stood the test of time, they have been married 22 years. I am sometimes amazed at the “evolved” train of thought that allows a spouse to go about his/her business knowing full well that at that moment his/her partner is getting sweaty with another person, and it truly doesn’t seem to bother them. As a matter of fact, they insist that it has made their relationship stronger.

So I guess the bottom line is that the only way it would ever work is if both partners share the same train of thought and lack of jealousy. My buddy has said it doesn’t bother him that his wife has sex with other men, he knows she is committed to him in every other way and she will always be at his side when he needs her. I say…if it works for you…why not !!! Would it work for me…probably not at this point in my life.

Sigh

February 25th, 2011
3:21 pm

I used to say no. When my ex cheated I was willing to forgive, but the allure of another man’s wife proved to be too much for him to keep our marriage and family intact (it didn’t work out for them). Currently planning to re-marry and once again would say no pass….this time, if he cheats I laugh and make sure the door hits him square on the a$$ on the way out while I wave the pre-nup and remind him that he gets NOTHING.

ajaylove

February 25th, 2011
3:27 pm

It just seems pointless to me. Why bother with getting married if you want to have “passes” and/or open marriages. I’d just as soon stay single.

Matt

February 25th, 2011
3:43 pm

I’d give my wife a pass. She knows it. Sex =/= Love

the watch dog

February 25th, 2011
3:44 pm

A very intriging question, giving a spouse a half pass to cheat, or an open marriage. I knew a couple , in fact a few that did that. It was no big deal. The wife was a nurse and she would get a shot of penicillin every now and then. I go to bed to early myself, I need 10 hours.

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Sex in the News, Stop Cheating, Stop Cheating, Arla VanGough, Debi Levine and others. Debi Levine said: RR's Love Update Would you give your spouse a 'Hall Pass' for extra-marital sex? http://bit.ly/e6rjV2 #relationship #love [...]

JC

February 25th, 2011
4:11 pm

It’s like communism: Great in theory, but human nature always gets in the way.

catlady

February 25th, 2011
4:50 pm

Well, I am not married, but just about any celebrity I would like to have a fling with is dead! (LOL)

A Southern Belle

February 25th, 2011
4:59 pm

This would not fly in my house…. but what no one else has commented on is the motive for the wives in the movie to give the husbands a “hall pass”–they want the husbands to realize how good they have it at home and how unrealistic it is for them to think they could get the attention of the younger girls they oggle.

CDD

February 25th, 2011
5:11 pm

Nope, that would never happen here. And really, anyone who lets Hollywood dictate their morals… Well, I guess they were pretty empty to begin with.

Ha!

February 25th, 2011
5:15 pm

Absolutely yes! It’s ridiculous that so many marriages become full of strife over cheating, and so unnecessary. There is an excitement to a new relationship which is unique, and so many people must be surreptitious about it which results in so much pain. Why not be open about the fact that it is fun and you can still love your partner while having a fling? If people would be real and honest about the whole thing they would find the honesty vastly surpasses being clandestine.

Old Sandra but with a new carpet

February 25th, 2011
5:20 pm

I think that a “famous crush/hallpass” is different from a real life one. There is very little chance that someone is going to meet the celebrity but the chance that a spouse/partner is/will meet someone that they are attracted to is much greater and more likely. I think that it is ok to be attracted to someone else but not ok to act on it if one of you is in a commited relationship. I love and adore my husband too much to do anything with anyone else ……. after all I probably have a better chance of winning a lottery than meeting Jack Nicholson. ;~))))))

jan

February 25th, 2011
5:49 pm

Sure, I would agree to this… Right after my lawyer and I settled how much I get to keep and how little he would keep.

Ralph

February 25th, 2011
6:10 pm

My wife would still do her Lorea Bobbitt bit with the kitchen knife.

Sam

February 25th, 2011
6:24 pm

Yes, I would give DH one, as long as I got one, too :)

KJ

February 25th, 2011
7:42 pm

The “celebrity pass” is the most one-sided arrangement I can think of, and any guy would have to be a complete idiot to agree to it.

I mean, there’s always an outside chance that a male celebrity (e.g. Charlie Sheen) with get drunk/coked out of his gourd, go trolling for some strange, and happen upon your wife. There is zero chance Jessica Alba will give you the time of day, regardless of her mental state.

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[...] So there is a new movie out this weekend called “Hall Pass” starring SNL player Jason Sudeikis and Owen Wilson. It has not gotten great reviews from the critics but the gist of the movie is the wives give their horny husbands a week to cheat. I’ve … read full article… [...]

karma

February 26th, 2011
2:33 am

The tail wags the dog (literally) yet again.

While the majority of us wonder how and why hollywood is able to regurgitate these ridiculous premises and spew their weekly, braindead, chick flick, a few million sheep not only flock to see them, at least one of them cuts and pastes a blog that actually validates the latest dribel.

But, then again, the same blogger decided to act like a writer after seeing that lady with the curly hair and horse face write on sex in the city, so can we really expect anything more?

Rectal Bleeding

February 26th, 2011
7:28 am

How do you think I got my name?

Active Duty Mom

February 26th, 2011
12:05 pm

No, we both honor our marriage vows, which we took in the presence of God and which included “forsaking all others” because we knew then and still know now that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. However, marriage does not have to equal boring. :-)

Teresa, you mentioned that if JFK Jr. had made a pass at you that you wouldn’t refuse. I am curious how you would feel if your husband had expressed a similar sentiment with a famous, attractive woman.

Active Duty Mom

February 26th, 2011
12:10 pm

PS. Something else to think about: if either you or your spouse had a “hall pass” and either impregnated the other person or became impregnated by the other person, then what?

karma

February 26th, 2011
4:16 pm

While most of us wonder how and why Hollywood continues to churn out ridiculous premises and weekly, braindead chick flicks, here’s an example of the tail wagging the dog. She not only buys the premise but uses her blog to validate it. But, then again, she decided to be a cut and paster after seeing that sassy lady in sex in the city, so, ok.

huckleberry

February 26th, 2011
8:35 pm

Shame on you, AJC, for equating real people’s marriages with inane movies that cater to sophomoric teenage wish fantasies of actions carry consequences. And then trying to get us to play along as if the concept were worthy of serious discussion. You’re polluting my desktop, and I wish you’d stop.

Karma

February 26th, 2011
9:11 pm

I agree huck. The tail does seem to wag the dog. Most people wonder how Hollywood continues to spew it’s mindless premises and weekly chick flick. The ajc attempts to give them validity, pathetic.

DB

February 27th, 2011
10:01 pm

Uh, that would be a “no”.

To me, sex without love and commitment isn’t any more meaningful than vibrator. When you consider having a fling with a celebrity, you’re basically taking all your fantasies and imagination and projecting them on this poor guy/gal who is, in all likelihood, nothing like you thought they were, and look nothing like they do when their body double peels off their clothes on-camera — and then expecting this “celebrity” to live up to the hype. If I were a celebrity, I would think this whole process would be unbearably creepy.

Sorry, but I don’t share very well. If my husband wanted a “hall pass”, it would be a permanent one. :-)

Netbanker

February 28th, 2011
1:05 pm

It seems as though Eric is the only poster here who put some real thought into this and he came away torn. I think this is up to each couple to decide for themselves and the ones that I know who allow their spouses to occasionally satisfy a sexual desire they are not able to fulfill only got that point by having extremely strong emotional relationships. They know that they are loved and cherished so a sex act with someone else isn’t a threat to that emotional bonding. Emotional cheating is far more hurtful than sexual unfaithfulness and I think that most people assume that a sex act equates to being emotionally unfaithful.

  

February 28th, 2011
1:46 pm

Remember the following:

When a woman cheats, it’s because “she has needs”, or “wasn’t getting enough attention.”

When a man cheats, it’s because he’s “verbally abusive”, or “a cheating, horrible monster”, or “a lying son-of-a bee-yatch.”

Carry on.

February 28th, 2011
1:48 pm

Right after my lawyer and I settled how much I get to keep and how little he would keep.

This attitude is why so many American marriages fail. Even more interesting is that it is not necessarily true what you said.

■²

February 28th, 2011
1:48 pm

Right after my lawyer and I settled how much I get to keep and how little he would keep.

This attitude is why so many American marriages fail. Even more interesting is that it is not necessarily true what you said…

TinaTeach

February 28th, 2011
1:58 pm

Yes, I would. In fact I have done so before. Not really a hall pass though. It was more of a, “You know if you want to sleep with such-n-such it’s okay with me. But you come home at the end of the evening.” He’s only taken me up on it once.

He’s given me a “hall pass” too. I took him up on it. We are both polyamorous but we have both only done the “deed” maybe a few times outside of our marriage and, with the exception of that one time for Hubby, we have been in the room when it was happening.

We both love each other immensely and the sex only happened with good, long term friends who we are still friends with. I know many may judge us for that but we have a strong relationship, a son (and yes he is my husbands, we took a break from swinging while trying to concieve to ensure we had no oopsies), and we tell each other every day that we love each other.

Our sort of relationship is not for everyone.

MS

March 3rd, 2011
10:44 am

My husband and I actually discussed this prior to marriage and I have told him since day one, if at any time I am not satisfying his needs or vice versa, we should communicate that to eachother, I have no problems with a ‘hall pass’ or open marriage. We have now been married almost 3 years, I believe having the understanding that is an option if ever desired takes a lot of pressure off.

D

March 3rd, 2011
4:06 pm

It’s funny how all the guys seem to be either weary of the consequences or torn. And, the women seem to have an attitude like “heck no.”