Forget the Super Bowl: It’s National Porn Sunday!

The XXXChurch is trying to fight porn by getting pastors to talk about the topic on Super Bowl Sunday.

Church founder Craig Gross recruited NFL players to tape a video that he says will be shown at more than 300-plus participating churches.

Part of this effort is also distributing a monitoring software for your computer that will automatically email your wife or whomever you choose if you visit questionable web sites.

From CNN’s Belief blog:

“Matt Hasselbeck, who led the Seattle Seahawks to the Super Bowl in 2006, is one of the video’s stars.”

“Although he said he has never had a pornography addiction, Hasselbeck signed up for the free XXXchurch tracking software called X3watch.”

“ ‘If I go to a site that’s questionable, a teammate gets an email and my wife gets an email,” Hasselbeck told CNN. “I thought about adding my mom too but decided against that,’ ”

“ ‘It just keeps you accountable,’ he said.  ‘You know there’s a short term consequence to anything you do.’ ”

“He says the software added a layer of trust to his relationship with his wife.”

“ ‘My email password is known to my wife, my voice mail password is known to her,’ he said. ‘I’m still a guy married to a girl. In this country what you read, what you watch, and how you interact with other women can cause insecurity with your spouse.’ ”

“Gross says his campaign is about personal responsibility.”

(A side point that is making me nuts: Isn’t software monitoring you and notifying someone of your behavior the opposite of personal responsibility?)

I heard Jennifer Hutt and Alexis Stewart talking about this on “Whatever!” on Sirius earlier this week. I only heard part of the callers but most seemed to think it showed a lack of trust to monitor to your husband or boyfriend like you would a child.

The hosts also joked that they were certain these husbands were looking at porn on secret laptops if they had the software on the home computer.

So what do you think: Is it a smart idea to use Super Bowl Sunday to launch a discussion about porn in our homes? (I kind of think a lot of guys skip church on Super Bowl Sunday. Our priest last week even made a joke about it. See you in two weeks.) Is it smart to use football players? Would that help deter your husband or son from looking at porn?

Do you think the monitoring software is a good idea? Would you use it for your husband? Would you put it on the computer without his knowledge or would you have to agree to it? Does the software promote personal responsibility or do just the opposite? Does monitor software indicate a lack of trust or indicate honesty because they are willing to be monitored?

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Jeff

February 4th, 2011
7:04 am

If you have to use software to monitor your spouse on this, you have issues that the software won’t solve. If they’re that unhappy and obsessed, they’ll just go somewhere else. But then again, I’ve read countless posts on here where the wife basically says she avoids the sex and doesn’t put a priority on it. Body image, energy, whatever, it’s still avoidance of a priority.

mom2alex&max

February 4th, 2011
7:17 am

What the heck? Seriously??????

This software sounds like something you would use on a teen not your spouse for pete’s sake! Aren’t we adults?

piper heidsieck

February 4th, 2011
7:29 am

well, probably we are not [adults]. Otherwise how can you explain the situiation when bossess watch and monitor what their employees do? i’m talking about watching porn at job and monitoring solutions, which many companies use. It’s all about what we are. We cheat at home and do the same at job, like anywhere else.

James

February 4th, 2011
7:52 am

Just join the swigning lifestyle and then you don’t have to worry about either spouse “cheating” and maybe, if porn is your thing, the two of you can watch it together.
Don’t bother monitoring – save that for your 15-year-old.
My wife knows all of my passwords and I know hers – this isn’t for “snooping” – we have this information in case something happens to either one of us – the other then has access to finances, email, etc. that they might not otherwise have.

motherjanegoose

February 4th, 2011
7:53 am

What makes a marriage happy? We just found about a couple who is divorcing, from other friends. They have 7 children and she has taught fitness classes for years….hint she has a trim body.

Jeff, when you mentioned your wife was charging monthly $1500 on her Amex…you saw the bill right? Or did she hide it and when you found out things were WAY out of line? Could this be the same?

Perhaps some wanted to be accountable and prove they can be trusted? Many mentioned having joint finances so they could know everything going in and out. Is this different? I am just asking.
We do not have joint finances.

Can anyone compete with a perfect airbrushed 21 year old that is never grumpy, tired, sick, and with bad breath?

Photius

February 4th, 2011
8:16 am

All men check check it out on the computer, all of us. Wives that demand that we don’t look at it only make thier man sneak it. Those ladies don’t have a grip on reality.

All men look at it and that ain’t gonna change.

Lame

February 4th, 2011
8:23 am

I agree with everything you say!

I have no mind.

A

February 4th, 2011
8:27 am

Really? Is this what we’ve come to? If you need a porn monitoring system for your husband, you have deeper problems than any piece of software will solve. I’m all for monitoring what our kids are doing on the ‘net, but come on.

Andy's SAWB

February 4th, 2011
8:34 am

I’d like my e-mail address added to this software so I’ll know where all the good sites are.
Seriously though, as stated before, if you think you need this service you have bigger problems than this.

JOD

February 4th, 2011
8:58 am

If I thought this was in any way a good idea, I’d let them know that there’s no way they’ll get any attention on Super Bowl Sunday. Sorry, ain’t gonna happen unless they pay $$$ for commercial time.

It seems kind of sad that anyone would think that knowing their Internet traffic is being monitoring counts as a ‘level of trust.’ I would go bananas if I thought someone was checking up on me.

My philosophy is…If you have questions or doubts about me, ask, don’t sneak around. If you want to be with someone else (or multiple elses), go and don’t come back. :o)

JOD

February 4th, 2011
8:59 am

Sorry – monitored.

jarvis

February 4th, 2011
9:05 am

Hasselbeck says it “adds a layer of trust”. WTF?
Isn’t that the exact opposite of what it does?

In a related note, free adult site successfully defended itself in a lawsuit filed by a pay site.

http://www.ajc.com/news/free-porn-legal-judge-827295.html

Warrior Woman

February 4th, 2011
9:09 am

I think you’re missing the entire point of the monitoring software. It is intended to be used by someone trying to stop using porn. The porn user voluntarily chooses 2 people to hold him accountable when his own willpower fails. This isn’t a “checking up on my man” thing at all.

Techmom

February 4th, 2011
9:14 am

I think the theory is that if you have that big of an issue with porn (to the point that it’s causing issues in your marriage) and you’ve agreed to stop, then having this monitoring software on your computer will force you not to look at these sites b/c someone, your spouse or accountability partner, will find out.

That being said, it’s not on any computers at our house. I don’t think my husband has an issue with porn. Not that he may not look at it on occasion but it’s not an obsessive thing. I wonder if they could make one that blocks sports sites; my husband spends hours on the Falcons website & message boards during football season! Or how about people with gambling problems (there are tons of online gambling sites).

Plus in our day and age of mobile devices that connect to the web, there is nothing stopping people from looking at porn on mobile sites (even if it is on a 2″ X 3″ screen).

SayWhat

February 4th, 2011
9:36 am

To Photius, “all men” do not look at porn. There is a thing called “self control” and another called “morals” that some men actually practice. I get the whole accountability thing. Tempation is always there, and it doesn’t hurt to have someone else helping you not to give in to it. Who better to be accountable to than your spouse?

justmy2cents

February 4th, 2011
9:42 am

Umm…this may be a silly question, but why not just watch porn together?

abc

February 4th, 2011
9:47 am

What a ridiculous idea. It seems to go along with mindset of men’s church groups, though: they want to have other men hold them accountable for their own actions, or shall we say, they are accountable to other men in the group. That’s pretty anti-Christian of itself, to me, though. A man is accountable to God, not to other men.

Or, in this case, to whoever he chooses to be his porn tattler. Use of this stuff would indicate a trust and responsibility problem in the relationship anyway, as others have intimated.

JATL

February 4th, 2011
9:56 am

I can’t imagine going to my husband to tell him that I didn’t think he was an adult, so I was going to start monitoring the websites he visited. What’s next, if we want to be so stereotypical, an application that lets husbands monitor the online shopping sites their wives visit? That way they’ll know if she’s visiting J. Crew or Nordstrom online and they can call and berate her about spending money just like she berates them about checking a site where boobies are shown. Sounds like a great recipe for a disastrous marriage!

I’m with Jeff -if you feel the need to do this, there are bigger issues involved. Someone (if not both of you -together) needs to seek some counseling. I work for a company that is developing something VERY similar to this in regards to a number of issues, but it’s for CHILDREN and TEENS!

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

February 4th, 2011
9:58 am

I have a second topic at 12:45 but not as sexy as this one. (I would make one of those smiley faces here but I don’t know how.)

jarvis

February 4th, 2011
9:59 am

As for the Hasselbecks, they have some role confusion giong anyway. Her balls are clearly bigger than his.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

February 4th, 2011
10:07 am

Jarvis — I just had to correct that — It was the wrong Hasselbeck!!! this one is not married to Elizabeth from the view — the radio people said that so I wrote it but they had it wrong — One of my smart editors just sent me a note — so this one is the other one — not Elizabeth’s husband. Totally my bad =– I just edited that out of the story — sorry guys!!!!

Kate

February 4th, 2011
10:10 am

A lot of people have a passing interest in pornography, that doesn’t mean that they are addicted to porn or that their interest is a threat to their relationships. Assuming that we are only talking about adult pornography, turning a harmless interest into something deviant and “dirty” is only going to create problems where none probably exists. The monitoring software is a bad idea because it involves treating your spouse, or significant other, like a child (which is almost never a good idea), and whether your talking about pornorgraphy or ice cream, making almost anything forbidden only makes it a lot more enticing. If you are not comfortable with the level interest you boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse has in porn, there are much better, and healthier, ways of handling the problem.

jarvis

February 4th, 2011
10:14 am

No sweat. I knew she wasn’t married Matt, but I thought you had the names wrong, not the person. It sounded like something that would be tied to her crazyass.

Jeff

February 4th, 2011
10:18 am

MJG, i saw the bill every month and paid the bills from our joint account. There were excuses for a while (I returned —–, so it’ll come off next month, I needed so and so for some event, yada yada), but at the end of the day, we just had vastly different ideas about money. She spent for what we were going to earn next year, and I am a saver. So there wasn’t any hiding. Hope you’re doing well, always good to read your thoughts.

Young@heart

February 4th, 2011
10:20 am

What if I install it to make sure my Teen boys aren’t going to these places and find out after grounding the kids it was Dad all along?

Jeff

February 4th, 2011
10:20 am

Amen Kate, perfectly said.

shaggy

February 4th, 2011
11:04 am

In my opinion, if you need this program to monitor your spouse, you don’t really have much of a relationship and are better off alone. If you need it to monitor your kids in your own house, you probably allow them to have computers in their rooms, and you are probably functioning as a friend, not a parent. Any computer in my house that a kid can access, is in a common area and subject to me or wifey coming right up behind to see what is being done with OUR computer at ANY time. Plus, if we find out that someone under 18 has changed a password or accessed ANY undesirable content on OUR computer, that computer is immediately removed, no questions asked.
Never a friend; always a parent.

penguinmom

February 4th, 2011
11:05 am

I think a better word is personal accountability instead of personal responsibility. If there is something that you are going to be overly tempted by, it is good to have a little backup accountability in order to be sure you don’t cross the line especially if you don’t want to cross the line.

As far as trust, I think what he is trying to say is that his wife appreciates the fact that he is not trying to keep anything from her. I don’t think it’s treating him like a teen since it is his idea. It’s saying, ‘you are going to know if I slip up and then we can talk about it.’ It would be one thing if she was saying, ‘Do this monitoring or else.’ That’s not the sense I get from the article. If she asked him and a friend to help her remember to not eat too much candy, would that be a bad thing and treating her like a teenager?

jarvis

February 4th, 2011
11:21 am

I don’t understand the, I need extra-incentive to not look at adult content. It’s images of people mating, not meth. I don’t think extra-incentive is needed to stay away from it…if you even want to stay away from it.

Nor do I need to know what my wife is up to every second of every day. I trust her, and she me. And I’m pretty sure she knows that I’ve looked at nudey pics online.

Hypothetically, if I had an over-controlling spouse, I’d have an auto-reload running about every 10 seconds on about 100 adult sites. Send about 20,000 emails in a couple of hours, and I’m pretty sure the need for notification would stop.

Tairy Greene

February 4th, 2011
11:38 am

Please stop writing articles

Former Addict

February 4th, 2011
11:39 am

This software is designed for people who realize they have a problem with viewing porn online, and WANT TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE. If you are married, and adhere to the teaching of the bible, then there shouldn’t be a problem with this…..We have used this software, it works, and I would recommend it to any couple struggling with porn addiction in their marriage. In addition, its all about tranparency on the part of the person struggling. Example, my wife and I know each others passwords and logons for facebook, email, and any other site we may use. There are no secrets between us.

catlady

February 4th, 2011
11:45 am

Wouldn’t do it. No spyware on my spouse.

MY church always sponsors SOUPER Bowl Sunday, with a big food drive for the food pantry.

JOD

February 4th, 2011
11:46 am

@jarvis – LOL – that is exactly the sort of thing Hubs would do if I deigned to suggest something like this.

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

February 4th, 2011
12:14 pm

My wife and I installed a great monitor in our house for porn when we got together. That was 19 years ago though, so then is was porn in the form of magazines and pay per view spankyvision mostly.

The monitor was, and still is, revolutionary and it worked like this………she asked me.

Her: “do you like looking at porn?”
Me: “yep, do you?”
Her: “Not really my thing”
Me: “Does it bother you that I like it?”
Her: “well naturally I’d like to think that you only have eyes for me, but I know guys are visual creatures and I’ll never get the inner workings of their minds, just promise me the porn will never inspire you to be unfaithful”
Me: “I promise.”

Over the years as the internet exploded and she’d be out of town the monitor would kick up over the phone

Phone rings….

Me: “Hello”
Her: “whatcha doooooin?”
Me: “looking at internet porn”
Her: “but thinking of me?”
Me: “of course babe, I can hardly wait for you to get home…this is a cheap substitute”

And thats simple the monitor is….and it’s free!!!

mom2alex&max

February 4th, 2011
12:14 pm

So assuming this is an “accountability” thing with those that may have a “problem”, it still won’t work! The person with the “problem” will just find an outlet somewhere else: iphone, a secret laptop, whatever.

This might work with teens, but I just don’t think it’s good for adults. If my husband looks at it, I don’t care. I’m pretty certain that if he does, it’s not an obsessive amount anyways. And if he did have a problem, this type of thing surely wouldn’t put a stop to it.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

February 4th, 2011
12:16 pm

I preempted my second topic for a newsier one — Should Giffords’ husband leave her recovering and go to space? AP reports he is going — comments please.

http://blogs.ajc.com/momania/2011/02/04/should-giffords-leave-his-recovering-wife-for-space/

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

February 4th, 2011
12:27 pm

I think the software monitoring has one fundamental flaw…..it’s probably used as a punitive tool.

I doubt this software is installed so that a spouse can just know how much her (presumably) spouse is looking at porn. The more probable reason a spouse wants this installed is so that she (presumably) can rest assured her spouse IS NOT looking at porn. So when that notice comes that her hubby had some alone time with the big busty cheerleader sorority sisters lingirie party website she doesn’t react with an “oh..well the software only gives the notice once a week and he is the perfect husband to me in all other respects so I’m not going to worry about it”, she most likely reacts with a “you were looking at PORN?!?!!….that is such a BETRAYAL to me”.

So the reason I’m skeptical to the monitoring is because it’s not an informational tool, it’s a punitive one. And if you need that, then you’ve got bigger problems in your relationship than porn.

Me

February 4th, 2011
12:42 pm

Screw it — we look at porn together! We really do.
Honestly, please tell me the reasons why one would think looking at porn to be “wrong” other than reasons of a religious nature.

Young@heart

February 4th, 2011
12:46 pm

Shaggy, I agree to Parent first…that’s why I would monitor my teen sons, our laptop is in a common area but there are times we leave them at home without us lookinng over their shoulder.
Also, its not just men who look at Porn…..wouldn’t you all be surprised to find the wife looking for fun while your at work all day, or to discover your teen daughter is interested in young women too, is that ok? I agree most marriages don’t need this filter but could be a useful parenting tool to find out what your kids are looking at when they think we’re not watching.

Becky

February 4th, 2011
12:51 pm

Besides the fact that we don’t have a computer at home, I figure just because yoo are on a diet, doesn’t mean that you can’t look at the menu..If I were that concerned about my husband cheating (or vice versa), I’d be more worried about all of the times that he’s out of town..At any given time, he’s away from home for a week or more..If he wants to cheat, that would be the time for either one of us..After 17 years, this is the least of my worries..:~)

Former Addict

February 4th, 2011
1:49 pm

This software is primarily geared at people who identify themselves as Christians…..here’s a little hint……many many Christians look at porn! Most churches dont talk about it, so it gets kept in the dark. For those individuals who are practicing christians, who struggle with the temptation of internet porn, its extremely helpful…..if you consider yourself a “Christian”, you shouldn’t be ok with porn……biblically speaking it isn’t ok. I feel sorry for the women who feel that it’s ok for their husbands to look at porn….

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

February 4th, 2011
2:06 pm

Why exactly is someone a bad Christian for viewing porn?

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

February 4th, 2011
2:15 pm

here’s just a general question for those anyone interested…..

is the problem really porn viewing….or is the problem that spouses HIDE and LIE about their viewing from their spouses, creating an atmosphere of distrust?

Kate

February 4th, 2011
2:22 pm

I am a good Christian girl who goes to church every Sunday. I am also a sinner. So are you. So is everyone else. Most of us try to do the best we can with what we have to work with, but we all have our failings. You’ll never know a moments peace if you demand perfection from either yourself or anyone else in your life. As a Christian you can certainly make a strong argument against pornography, but as sins go, there are plenty worse ones than occasionally visiting a porn site.

motherjanegoose

February 4th, 2011
3:25 pm

Here is a question I have;

Would any of you as parents, be absolutely fine with your daughters being paid to model in a pornographic way?
I have an 18 year old daughter who is shapely, trim and attractive. She is a sweet girl.
I would not be pleased to know that she was the subject of a photo shoot, internet site or movie that involved pornography. Maybe it is just me but so be it. I KNOW without a doubt, she is not someone who would do this.

I read a letter in the paper about a Mother of a stripper, who was tired of her daughter getting a bad wrap for her job as ” she is working hard to put herself through college and this is one way she can make a lot of money.” I would not be thrilled to be a mother nor mother in law of this girl. Again, maybe it is just me.

Just thinking out loud here.

penguinmom

February 4th, 2011
3:28 pm

@Tiger – the problem with porn is that, in theory, you are being mentally unfaithful. This is a problem because sin is not an action based thing with God, its an attitude based thing. ‘He looks on the hearts…’

@kate – I agree it seems like a minor sin if you want to categorize sin but then again, James 2:10 – if anyone has failed in one point of the law, they are guilty of it all. According to the Bible, there really is not small sin, there is perfection (unattainable except through accepting Jesus’ sacrifice) or non-perfection (where we all live)

I understand not everyone will agree with that and I don’t suggest that the monitoring thing be mandatory. I think it’s a good idea to let people know it’s available and let each family choose for themselves.

JATL

February 4th, 2011
3:30 pm

You’re not kidding that many Christians look at porn -especially Mormon Christians! The state with the highest porn viewing population (on internet and cable/ppv) is Utah! That statistic cracks me up.

@JOD and jarvis -yep, my husband would be sending me the nastiest porn he could find over and over and over and prompting the system to send me thousands of emails. I would probably do the same…

JATL

February 4th, 2011
3:34 pm

@MJG -no, I would not be delighted for my child -son or daughter -to be involved with the porn industry in any way. However, if one of my sons chooses to do something of that nature after age 18 and I find out about it -all I can do is give him my opinion. The mother of the stripper needs to realize that people are always going to crack jokes about strippers and see them in a less than lovely light. It may be hypocritical and many strippers are not slutty in any way outside of their jobs, but that’s the way society is. When you go to a strip club, it’s hard to tell who’s stripping to pay tuition and who’s stripping to support their coke habit.

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

February 4th, 2011
3:37 pm

@MJG….I would concede that I would choose a profession other than pornography for my son.

Regarding your views though, how would you feel if you walked in on your son taking a break from Pharmaceutical School looking at porn on his computer? Would you think there was something wrong with him or that you failed in some way as a parent? That’s kind of the real issue here, not participating in the making of porn, but viewing the product.

Certainly you would have a more visceral reaction to seeing some pics of your daughter she may have naively allowed a boyfriend to take of her than if you caught her looking at anonymous naked guys on her PC.