Did the snow days throw off your custody days?

I am hearing from some families that the snow not only wreaked havoc on school and work schedules it also completely screwed up divorce custody agreements!

Children that were supposed to visit the other parent couldn’t get there and now that some counties have canceled their winter breaks to make up school, some non-custodial parents are losing out on time there as well.

Some families split the school breaks so each parents can have vacation time with the kids – the mom may get fall break while the dad gets winter break and so on. But now whoever had winter break may be left out in the cold. (Sorry! You knew one was coming!)

Did the snow mess up your visitation schedule?  If so how?

Will your ex work with you to make up the time on other weekends or weeknights (less fun – school nights)?

Will the make-up days mess up other visitation plans later in the year? How can those be resolved? Does extra summer time or fall break make up losing winter or spring break?

Have the kids been affected by not being able to maintain their regularly scheduled visitation times with each parent?

– By Theresa Walsh Giarrusso, Momania at ajc.com

44 comments Add your comment

catlady

January 20th, 2011
11:47 am

Maybe it is time for adults to step up and do whatever needs to be done for the kids! Any adults at home?

I did not have this adversarial competition with my former husband. I hate seeing other families go through this.

Photius

January 20th, 2011
11:57 am

I wouldn’t know… I’m not the crazy, stupid 50% off all people who get divorced and then argue over everything including the kids. Just your average middle class guy who can keep a marriage together over the years and have the family entact. I guess I’m the odd one….

shaggy

January 20th, 2011
12:08 pm

catlady,

You hit this nail square on the head.
However, these days most parenting is about the parents and winning. Junior sits back and forms his opinions of life, while mom and dad continue to use him as a weapon against one another, even with the weather. Is it any wonder why this crap is generational?

Techmom

January 20th, 2011
12:08 pm

So thankful I do not have to deal with this.

Our county cancelled the February break, they’ll get the 3-day President’s Day weekend off, but go to school the other 4 days. My son’s [private] school just announced they’re not following the county plan since we did not have a shortened year already due to the furlough days the county already had in their schedule. They are changing what was supposed to be two half-days into full days but that’s it.

LM

January 20th, 2011
12:15 pm

My ex had visitation anytime he wanted. If he or his parents wanted to go on a trip or have her over a long weekend. Yea for her. I can’t comprehend not working together in her best interest.

Stacey

January 20th, 2011
12:19 pm

My county built four extra days into the calendar this year so we are only going to have to make up one day (unless we have more bad weather). Tentatively they are saying April 1st which is the Friday before spring break and was originally scheduled as a student holiday & teacher furlough day. We have already paid for a non refundable family trip during the week of winter break so I’m glad they didn’t chose that week. If they had, my son would have just been “sick”. It’s a group trip that was scheduled for that week because we were able to get a discount by booking off season and during the week.

Becky

January 20th, 2011
12:26 pm

Ditto what catlady said, arguring about this is just about as stupid as the couple on a local radio station that couldn’t decide on a song to play for their upcoming wedding, so they are thinking about breaking up..

Really? Grow up and take responsibilty for something once in your life, since you weren’t able to take responsibilty for your marriage..

Sweetliz

January 20th, 2011
12:31 pm

@LM – I agree. My child lives with me all year so anytime his dad wants him…I say bye….that’s a day/weekend or whatever that I don’t have to cook, entertain or hear ma all day. I just don’t get the whole arguing about who get’s the child and for how many days.

Stacey

January 20th, 2011
12:31 pm

LM…That sounds like my friend and her ex. They only live an hour or so apart and although she has physical custody, there is never a problem if her ex wants to take him to dinner or a basketball game…he just calls her to make sure she doesn’t already has plans. In fact, she is now remarried and has another child and her ex usually takes both kids on outings and her current husband doesn’t have a problem with it.

RJ

January 20th, 2011
12:43 pm

I’m somewhat with Photius on this one (although I don’t think you’re stupid if you’re divorced. That’s going a bit far!). But, I don’t have this problem either. However it’s really sad that the courts have to get involved in such matters. Adults just need to be adults. Glad to read the responses from the intelligent adults on here that work it out on their own.

BlueThrash

January 20th, 2011
1:00 pm

My ex is welcome to spend time with our child any time he wants….it is the getting him (or the child) to want to do it that is the problem. When I told the ex that he should take our child for the February break his response was to call our child and say that the school district should cancel the break to make up for the snow days…. So we’re hitting the beach…LOL

Is this the best article you could muster?

January 20th, 2011
1:12 pm

“Did the snow days throw off your custody days?”

This is a very sad topic.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

January 20th, 2011
1:21 pm

I disagree — I actually think it is an excellent topic. I think it is very relevant and happens a lot out there. We seem to have a mature bunch commenting thus far but i think for the most part not so — why else would people keep getting shot when the swap off the kids?

MomsRule

January 20th, 2011
1:23 pm

Completely screwed up custody agreements from a few days of school closings? Really?

I can’t even imagine this being an issue. Work it out. Compromise. It is very simple.

really

January 20th, 2011
1:32 pm

@catlady, you are SO RIGHT!

i am tired of parents using children as a pawn… the children are the ones who suffer.

Libs are idiots

January 20th, 2011
1:37 pm

“I disagree — I actually think it is an excellent topic. ”

That’s nice.

Libs are idiots

January 20th, 2011
1:38 pm

“We seem to have a mature bunch commenting thus far but i think for the most part not so ”

Elaborate please.

“why else would people keep getting shot when the swap off the kids?”

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa???????????

Jeff

January 20th, 2011
1:53 pm

It’s no more difficult than it is when it’s not snowing because my ex wants to plan out @ 6 weeks so she can have her social schedule. I’ve had to tell my ex point blank; make it happen. If you dno’t show up, I’m calling the police. And I’m an inch from filing an amber alert because @ 6pm on Friday, that is MY child. It’s the only way to get through her thick head. Of course, i’m no nice guy about this anymore either but hey, at some point you push the bully back.

BlueThrash

January 20th, 2011
1:53 pm

“I can’t even imagine this being an issue. Work it out. Compromise. It is very simple.”

Before my divorce I felt the same way. I also from time to time got holier-than-thou like Photius and wondered why people found it so hard to stay married and committed to their partner and work through family issues — little did I know that I was married to someone who did not share my commitment. Now that I have been forced to experience divorce and single-parenting and a generally-not-pleasant ex, I have much more compassion for other people’s situations – I hope you never have to go through what I have had to and thus continue to live in a world where things like this seem so “easy” or “stupid”. Have a nice day.

Libs are idiots

January 20th, 2011
1:56 pm

BlueThrash

You have my utmost respect.

Jeff

January 20th, 2011
1:56 pm

I’ve said it a 100 times; if you are the only honest poker player at the table, guess what happens? Know the tiger you are dealing with and defend you and your child accordingly.

Lady Strange

January 20th, 2011
1:59 pm

My ex and I have no problems working out visitation. I’m not at all suprised that some people do tho, there are a lot of selfish people out there.

CC

January 20th, 2011
2:09 pm

Photius, if we could all be as perfect as you, it would be a perfect world. Hope you never eat those words. Jeff, you and your ex should be mature enough to raise your child without getting the law involved. That’s something children don’t forget.

MomsRule

January 20th, 2011
2:10 pm

@BlueThrash, It is simple. It is only made complicated when one or both of the adults is acting like a child or children.

I have an ex and a child with said ex. I’ve done the divorce and the single parent thing and am now married with a second child. In 14 years we have not one single issue regarding visitation. It is simple when all parents put the needs and best interest of the child first.

It is not easy for all families. But, it could be if everyone involved put the needs of the children first.

BlueThrash

January 20th, 2011
2:35 pm

“It is simple when all parents put the needs and best interest of the child first.”

In which case there would generally be no divorce because parents would be unselfish enough to do anything in their power to have a healthy intact family for their children….but I digress. :)

BlueThrash

January 20th, 2011
2:42 pm

PS @MomsRule. I do understand what you are saying. Personally, I do not have many issues with my ex over visitation because, well, he is generally not interested. But I can understand that there are people who do have problems…like our buddy Jeff whose ex can’t seem to understand that he has rights to see his child at specific times. The fact is that normally half of the people who are divorced didn’t choose it (perhaps even if they were the ones who initiated it) and the half who did choose it (and might have forced the other person to do it) tend to be less than easy to deal with. And in the middle of all this are children who are forever changed by the screwed up decisions their parent(s) made to destroy the security of the family unit and no matter how hard we try they are likely to never fully recover from it. okay…stepping down now. Sorry…my sinuses hurt today so I am snippy. :)

mom of 3

January 20th, 2011
3:09 pm

My son-in-law’s ex will not even let their son come to any of my daughter’s side of the family parties. When we all were planning a family outing last summer to inc’l all family members she informed him that it wasn’t his time to spend with his son and he couldn’t go. I wanted to give him a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese and she said I wasn’t any real relation to the boy and it wasn’t my place. I guess it wasn’t my place to buy him new clothes while he was growing so quickly.
I don’t get the whole use the child as a pawn game. I can see how this child is hurting when silly things happen and I just wish both mom and dad could see it too.

Robin

January 20th, 2011
3:36 pm

I tend to agree with Photius – and yes due to a largely self-centered society we tend to be in the minority. Not trying to be holier-than-thou, but knowing that I have a husband just as committed as I am to our marriage and our family gives alot of self assuredness (which some people view as pompus in and of itself).

What is interesting is that the folks here in large part seems to have no problems with custody/ex. My question is if you can be so civil after the fact, then why did you need to get a divorce?

Robin

January 20th, 2011
3:41 pm

“And in the middle of all this are children who are forever changed by the screwed up decisions their parent(s) made to destroy the security of the family unit and no matter how hard we try they are likely to never fully recover from it.”

I agree with that snetiment in the fact that my own parents selfishly divorced when I was an adult. The empty nest syndrome excuse set in and now they loathe each other and my siblishs and I have to tiptoe around who is seeing who and when. They don’t even get that they are ruining grandparent time. Funnything is neither one of them remarried, propably because no one was at their age is willing to put up with their BS.

Betty

January 20th, 2011
3:48 pm

@MomsRule–”It is simple. It is only made complicated when one or both of the adults is acting like a child or children”

You are absolutely correct. And for those of us sharing custody with the ex who wants to use the child as a pawn, and act like a child himself, it’s a difficult road. The “work it out” and “compromise” approach works like a charm when you’re dealing with a mature adult, but the simple fact remains that in many divorce cases one spouse is doing most of the compromising most of the time. I haven’t had the difficulties that many other divorced parents have but, like @BlueThrash, I’ve come to appreciate and understand how difficult the situation can be for everyone, including the parent who is trying to constantly compromise with a selfish ex.

Jeff

January 20th, 2011
4:15 pm

I find it amazing the things we tell men the shouldn’t do (have their legal rights enforced) but encourage women to “call the law”, “take him to court”, on and on and on. If that’s the only thing left that will send her the message and get my (legally rightful) tie with my daughter, then that’s what I have to do. I’d rather to that than explain to her @ 25 why she never saw me.

Robin

January 20th, 2011
4:34 pm

Jeff, do what you have to do! I have seen more and more woman that are not winning full time custody because a judge can see that they were not perfect mothers. More shared custody with little or know alimony, which I think is great because it forces parents to be parents!

Several years ago, an in-laws’ sister almost lost even partial custody due to a court imposed psych exam. I really don’t know how this woman did it, but se passed the exam and is shared custody with the father. Even 5 years later this woman plays mind games with everyone including her poor kids. One day her kids will see through the drama she keeps causing and they will hate her for it.
Fight for your rights.

My hope is that kids grow up and learn from their parents mistakes. If that means these kids don’t get married, then so be it. My parents silly divorce when I was a adult made my marriage stronger in the long run.

Good luck to you and be strong!

BlueThrash

January 20th, 2011
5:01 pm

“My question is if you can be so civil after the fact, then why did you need to get a divorce?”

Because I was civil before the divorce too. I wasn’t the one who needed to get divorced, apparently our marriage/family was interfering with my ex’s ability to date and “be happy,” so he needed to get divorced.

Lady Strange

January 20th, 2011
5:10 pm

“My question is if you can be so civil after the fact, then why did you need to get a divorce?”

Just because we’re civil about visitation doesn’t mean they’re not other problems. There are mulitple layers to all relationships. Just because we can find agreement on visitation regarding our son doesn’t mean that it was a happy or viable marriage. In fact we get along better now that we’re not married.

Still Friends

January 20th, 2011
5:27 pm

“My question is if you can be so civil after the fact, then why did you need to get a divorce?”

Because my spouse “switched teams”.

td

January 20th, 2011
5:51 pm

MomsRule

January 20th, 2011
2:10 pm

“It is not easy for all families. But, it could be if everyone involved put the needs of the children first.”

If all parents put their children first, then the divorce rate would be much less in the nation. I would say most divorces happen because of one or the other parties are not mature enough to be in a committed relationship.

Also, since women get custody in about 80% of all divorce cases then they are usually the ones that are causing the problems with the make up time or not allowing the NCP to see the children. Until the legal system ties some type of consequences to visitation with holdings (making the CP be reasonable) then you will always have these types of problems.

team parents

January 20th, 2011
6:08 pm

i am re-married for ten years now and i still have my 12yr old son at home my ex comes down for the summer stays with me and my husband for a few days then takes our son back to minnesota with him for the summer. for fathers day my son saved his money and treated his step father and his dad to the spend the night at the zoo and they all had a ball we all get along and my husband is not insecure he has gone to minnesota stayed with my ex and enjoyed the ice fishing and winter camping together. we have one golden rule i did not give birth to a child by myself i needed him when i wanted a child and i need him to be his son’s father and we do agree to disagree at times. there have been times where i have had to engage brain before i opened my mouth but as long as it presents no harm to the child im ok with that. He will always be his dad and i will always be his mom. Adults can and will grow apart but that child if loved and nurtured will always love their parents.

Jenny Lee

January 20th, 2011
6:18 pm

My spouse was abusive and mentally ill. There was no supervision granted to him for our kids. Not everyone has a full deck of cards upstairs.

DHB

January 20th, 2011
7:38 pm

Who the hell cares about any of this!!!!! Blah, Blah, Blah!

Ron

January 20th, 2011
7:45 pm

Silly topic. Snow came on a Sun. night and practically all visitation is every other weekend.Alternate places at large holidays etc. Wed. eve for dad can be made by simply giving another night. The two are three killings when transferring custody were nation wide over a several year period and those folks have a much greater problem than snow days.

mamaj

January 20th, 2011
7:59 pm

This is a very relevant topic. If ONLY the child’s interest was put first, none of this crap would even be an issue. The main reason it is an issue, is because someone did not want to let go, and it becomes a test to see who can wreak the most havoc on the other, and the child becomes the loser, every time. My son has been going through this for 9 years with his beloved daughter, and it’s just very tiring and very sad, indeed.

Ted Striker

January 20th, 2011
9:08 pm

I don’t have any kids however I was one once and think it’s an excellent topic. Thanks for writing about it.

OldTimer

January 20th, 2011
9:25 pm

We need to give our kids better guidance, without making it all about us.

frugalchef

January 20th, 2011
9:58 pm