Consequences for mom who slapped referee during soccer?
I wasn’t planning to post today (cooking!) and then I found this story from AJC’s Jeffry Scott (I bolded for a quick read):
“A match between 10-year-old girls’ soccer teams disintegrated into a slapping incident Sunday morning in Forsyth County when a 39-year-old mother went onto the field and smacked a 30-year-old male referee.”
“The mother, according to a Forsyth County Sheriff’s Office incident report, attacked the referee during a match between the Cobb Lady Chiefs and the Lanier Sharks at Central Park when the referee didn’t stop play after her daughter was struck in the chest and knocked down by a soccer ball.”
“The woman, whose daughter played for the Lanier Sharks, was not arrested because she left the scene before sheriff’s deputies arrived answering a 911 call. Her identity, therefore, is not being released, said Capt. Frank Huggins, public information officer for the Sheriff’s Office.”
“He identified her only as 39 and from Gainesville, the home of the Lanier Sharks. The referee, James Hayes, could not be reached for comment Monday afternoon.”
“Authorities won’t arrest the woman unless the referee swears out a warrant against her in magistrate court, according to Huggins.”
“Huggins said the woman had had a disagreement with Hayes the day before during another Sharks game in the weekend tournament. And, earlier Sunday, Hayes had ejected parents of another player from the grounds because of what he considered inappropriate behavior, said Huggins.”
“Huggins said the referee’s face was reddened and his lip bloodied by the slap.”
“Iggy Moleka, an executive with the Forsyth County-based United Futbol Academy, which staged the tournament, said Monday he didn’t learn about the incident until Sunday night when he saw mention of it on a soccer blog.”
“He said he’s never experienced such an incident, but he could understand how emotional the players and parents sometimes get, especially during tournament games.”
“ ‘Some of them [parents] lose their minds,’ he said. ‘But the last thing you want is a grown-up person attacking another grown-up person in front of children. What kind of message does that send?’ ”
“Chiefs coach Ryan Robertson said it happened so fast the next thing he knew he saw the woman was on the field and confronting the referee and ‘I saw her hand go out.’ ”
“The referee didn’t call timeout when the girl was struck by the ball and fell because the other team was in control of the ball and those are the rules of the game, said Robertson. The referee called timeout only after the ball went out of bounds.”
“ ‘When she fell, the referee stood by her with his hands open, indicating play on,’ said Robertson.”
“The girl was fine after the fall.”
“Sean Chamberlain, girls academy director with Cobb Futbol Club, said he’s never seen a parent, in any age league, male or female, go onto the field and strike a referee.”
“ ‘That’s the kind of violence you’d associate with another sport like hockey,’ he said.”
“The final score of the Chiefs-Sharks game on Sunday was 0-0.”
So what should happen to this mom? Have you ever seen this happen at the soccer fields or other games? Do you think a mother or a father would be more inclined to this type of behavior?
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87 comments Add your comment
catlady
November 24th, 2010
10:19 am
How about child abuse charges? Not that she hit a kid, but her behavior had a negative effect on the children who witnessed it?
Best to all here–have a wonderful and safe time! MJG–see you in a few weeks!
PhotoMomof4
November 24th, 2010
10:24 am
@catlady – good point on the child abuse charges. Typically if a child witnesses a criminally violent act (which this surely was), then the additional charges added on would be cruelty to children. As many counts as there were children to witness it. I don’t know of any athletic team, department, etc that doesn’t have a zero tolerance rule in place. Simple. Press charges AND ban her from any future athletic events. Even up here in the mountains, we believe in that.
BluebellJones
November 24th, 2010
10:24 am
DB, I do mean to come across as a supercilious bitch. I am your acid test. Seriously. MJG just passed it, although there was some back peddling there at the last. This has nothing to do with me judging MJG, this is about recognizing the open kindness MJG showed me, even though my persona (and it IS a persona) on this site is particularly mean. Now everyone will know that she is a forgiving and generous person. Maybe most people already did but it’s set in cement now.
I know, I shouldn’t treat you guys like lab rats. I just wanted to see who would turn the other cheek.
Happy Thanksgiving
Bluebell
DB
November 24th, 2010
10:27 am
@Soccermom23, there’s no question that Georgia Youth Soccer “can” get involved. After all this publicity, I can almost guarantee that they WILL get involved, if for no other reason than pour encourager les autres, so to speak. :-) Nobody physically assaults a referee and gets away with it. It’s hard enough to keep referees — if you don’t defend them and deal harshly with those who feel free to smack ‘em, you’ll soon find yourself short of referees! As I said earlier, though, it’s probably moot — at that age level, she’ll probably just jerk her kid out of soccer out of sheer humiliation and they’ll never see her again. Problem solved.
What might be interesting is if Ga. Soccer instituted fines against clubs whose parents misbehaved. :-) I suspect that clubs would be a lot more forceful about encouraging and educating parents in good sportsmanship.
GA Mom
November 24th, 2010
10:50 am
She should be strung up by her toes, and put on death row with all the other hardened criminals…show no mercy for this Slap…..
Jenna Jameson
November 24th, 2010
11:03 am
I am a mother from the other team playing last Sunday. First, the story is pretty accurate. One thing, it wasnt a slap, it was a closed fist punch to the face. The kids on our team thought is was pretty embaraceing. “if my mommy did that, i would be so embarrassed”. What i think is embarrassing is that the Cumming police are not going to file criminal charges. If i punched someone the police would arrest me. why wont they arrest her?
Wayne
November 24th, 2010
11:08 am
Jenna Jameson?
Michelle
November 24th, 2010
11:18 am
Unbelievable! What is she trying to show her child? Bullying? That’s not standing up for yourself or your child! HELLO…it’s a sport…you’re bound to get hurt at some time or another!
I really like the idea of public service. I think she should have to serve in an area where she has to watch the effects of abuse…perhaps that will open her eyes a little!
CatLady…I laughed out loud about the moms at lunch! That was a great comment! It made my day (scary huh?!)
Well ladies, it’s been fun! I’ll try to stay on here once I get up to VA, but no guarantees!
Have a GREAT Thanksgiving!
HB
November 24th, 2010
11:27 am
Nothing to say here that hasn’t already been said, but Happy Thanksgiving to all!
GA Mom
November 24th, 2010
11:48 am
I think a public apology and some community service would be enough.
GA Mom
November 24th, 2010
11:48 am
Since she knows so much about soccer, maybe she should do some volunteer ref’ing……
DB
November 24th, 2010
1:13 pm
@Ga Mom: Oh, hell no, we don’t want her as a volunteer referee! Besides, the referees are not volunteers — they are paid by the leagues, and they have to undergo a certification test (not as easy as you might think), as well as annual recertification classes and exam.
Lori
November 24th, 2010
1:13 pm
Where in the story did it say the girl’s mom was white. Why is that the assumption? Forsyth does have all kinds of people living there.
Lori
November 24th, 2010
1:15 pm
DB, referees are NOT always paid by the leagues. I’ve been to some of my sons games where the ref was a 16 year old boy who also plays soccer for the league on the elite team.
Denise
November 24th, 2010
1:17 pm
Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Lori
November 24th, 2010
1:18 pm
Really, “Being a person of color, I’ve learned to see things that whites either ignore or are ignorant to because those things don’t affect them. That’s not me being paranoid or unrealistic or hypersensitive or pulling the race card. It’s me being intuitive.” That sounded like a racist comment to me, regardless of your multi-racial background. What you call intuition sounds more like stereotyping all whites as ignorant of things “that don’t affect them”.
JATL
November 24th, 2010
1:42 pm
@MJG – Ha! I do realize you have to come ITP to reach the airport, but I wasn’t sure you actually ventured in any other time! I’ve gotten myself into a mess of schedule lately, and it’s hard for me to travel too far away for lunch most days. That’s why I was asking! I haven’t even gotten to check hotmail today, do I don’t know if you got my email address or not. At any rate, I do think we can suitably behave ourselves!
@catlady- LOL! I do think it would be hilarious to see that headline, but hopefully about moms fromanother blog! I certainly wouldn’t be surprised!
@MJG, I know it’s really hard, but try not to feed that troll!
Happy Thanksgiving blog folks! Perhaps someone will even throw the trolls a turkey bone to gnaw.
Oh yeah, as far as the topic – pathetic! Not surprising, but pathetic. She should have been arrested and charged a large fine and community service, plus a public apology to the ref and both teams.
DB
November 24th, 2010
2:04 pm
@Lori: I hate to disagree with you, but just because the kid was in the league, doesn’t mean that he can’t be a paid referee, too. As I said, my son started refereeing at 11. At 12, he was centering U-10 rec games. If a kid went to the classes, took the test, got the patch — he’s a referee, and I can almost double-dog guarantee that he was being paid. These kids do this because they love soccer, they know it, and it’s an easy job for them to fit in, because they can accept assignments around their own games and they are generally only on weekends. Very few kids have the time or the inclination to take on that thankless job for free!
motherjanegoose
November 24th, 2010
2:35 pm
Back home and staying home until Saturday. The traffic by the MOG is ridiculous.
Before I left, I called DB and mentioned that I need to sign up for a word a day with her. I ALWAYS learn new words from her. She told me she was waiting for my call and we both laughed.
JATL…I worked ITP for 9 years and so I kinda still know my way around. We ate at Fat Matt’s Rib Shack last week. Food good but too crowded for us. The dining area would fit in our garage. I would do it for take out if we lived closer.
It may be a while before we hear from Theresa…we will see.
BluebellJones…I guess I will say thanks for your vote of confidence….there are some on the blog that love to hate me. Sometimes ( for me) it is difficult to read between the lines and figure out what folks are saying. Actually, I do not know that some folks even know themselves what they are saying as they are about as clear as mud here.
I am thankful for the new friends I have made off of this blog ….an interesting group for sure.
motherjanegoose
November 24th, 2010
2:37 pm
Comment gone….it may never show up now as TWG is probably cooking until tomorrow…LOL
Happy Thanksgiving!
Wayne are y’all having mac and cheese….;)
Wayne
November 24th, 2010
3:10 pm
No mac and cheese here! Although…
motherjanegoose
November 24th, 2010
4:17 pm
@ Wayne…I asked you about it yesterday and wondered if you had read what I wrote.
We are having grilled salmon tonight…methinks the original Pilgrims may have had some fish?
Probably not salmon though. I doubt they ate mac and cheese but who knows?
SoccerMom23
November 24th, 2010
9:43 pm
@DB – excellent idea about fining the clubs for behavior like that. It probably won’t happen, though – there are some very rich and powerful soccer clubs in this metro area they pretty much can strong arm GA Soccer for what they want.
And yes, the ref that was assaulted was being paid – this was a tournament for Academy/Select teams and most refs get at minimum $50 per game. As a parent, what I see that frustrates me is the younger inexperienced refs tend to get the younger girls games and since this was a U10 girls game, it’s evident that parents there can get quite intimidating. I’m glad it was a 30 year old ref not some 15 year old kid.
What irks me is when we get some teenager who either looks and acts bored the entire time and misses fouls or who gets so scared they don’t call anything for fear of pissing off the parents. Its a daunting responsibility and maybe the state needs to rethink letting young refs work during tournaments or with top seeded teams since typically the parents get a little more intense during tournaments or if they are with a club with a high ranked team.
I will say our coach makes a point of having the girls go over and thank the refs after every game and I love that. And at our tournament this weekend, the line ref kept engaging the parents – which was brilliant because who is going to yell at a guy who just talked to you and made you laugh.
SoccerMom2010
November 24th, 2010
10:09 pm
I believe EVERYONE needs to be reminded that there are 2 sides to every story. Unfortunately, the side of the story of the events that lead up to the event has not been told. The parents had already made a formal complaint during the halftime period on Saturday game when this referee got completely out of hand. The AR knew him by first name due to having multiple complaints about him, she came over and watch the remaining game. He had already yellow carded a player for asking what call was made so that she could set up the ball. She stated that she could not hear well and did not understand what he said. Evidently, he felt she was questioning his officiating and carded her..This was not the case. He spent more time by the parent sideline than being in proper position to make the calls throughout the game. He made unappropriate comments to the girls. Needless to say, the parents were a bit surprised that he came on the field to referee the Sunday game. Within 3 minutes, he was already out of hand in making calls. Several of the ‘other’ team’s parents even stressed this point. They couldn’t believe his actions and how ridiculous he was acting. He kicked a parent off the sidelines because the parent and the opposing team parents were jokingly agreeing with the ironious call he had just made. There again, if he had been in proper position, he would not have heard any comments between the guys. He approached the guys and invited the confrontation. At this point, another parent headed back to go get supervisory assistance again from the AR. A child then took a ball to the stomach and went down. She was crying and appeared to be hurt. A number of parents began yelling at the ref that the kid was down. He should have known this already as many different player were “taking a knee” during the play. He glanced back at the child and said “play on”. Somewhere along the way, with all the spiteful comments, everyone has forgotten that this is a 8 or 9 year old child. Who was to say she wasn’t hurt? Typically there is a lot more compassion in the younger age brackets. But to set something straight, it was not the child’s mother who came on the field. It was another caring mom. Whether it was wrong or right for her to come on the field or to slap the referree is not the only issue in the situation. After a complaint had been made against this referree the day before, he should never been allowed to referree another one of their games. His job was to remain neutral while ref-ing the game and he spent more time “hanging out” by the parent’s sidelines than being in position to do his job. Tension had already overcome him in less than 3 minutes from the beginning play. And yes to everyone, obviously the AR realized that they had a problem with him or they would have disqualified the team. Instead, they got another referee to come and finish the game which consisted of all but 9 minutes.
DB
November 25th, 2010
4:17 am
@soccermom23: if your center was making $50 for a U-10 center, it’s a wonder you don’t have every referee in the area beating a path to your door!! Most referees are paid about double the age group for a center, and age $5-7 for a side. Young referees have to get experience somewhere, and after rec games, the next up is U-10 Academy games. Fact of life – everyone at that age is learning, including parents and often referees. Plus, tourneys are grueling for refs – because of the shortage, you often find refs working 4-5 games a day. Y’all have two games and are beat – the referees at the last two games are tired, sore, cold/hot and getting increasingly cranky :-)
And frankly, even if you DO give a U-10 team a great ref, they don’t know what to do with them. At one game, we had a Grade 4 referee who stepped in to cover for an injured ref (yes, refs get injured, too). Other off-duty refs came to watch his superb game management skills, and he called a beautiful game . . . except one mother was peeved that her little darling was called for a foul (deservedly). She made a very snotty comment about that “stupid” referee. All the watching refs snickered, and when she kept on, I decided to take pity on her and told her that the referee was a level 4 (most refs are 8 or 9, you have very few 7’s because of the rigorous test and observations you have to undergo, and you work your way uop to 1 and 2, if you are interested in refereeing national pro games. Level 4’s are rare in Georgia – less than 10, if that many). This woman’s response? “I don’t care if he’s a level 20, he couldn’t referee his way out of a paper bag!”.
Sometimes, there’s just no fixin’ stupid. :-) She had a wonderful opportunity to watch and learn, but nooooo – she had watched 20 youth soccer games and knew it all. *snort*
I also think that every league should sponsor a parents vs. Kids game, and let the parents spend a little time on the field trying to read the flow of the game, anticipate the ball, take an inadvertent header, and generally run your butt off for almost an hour. It would shut up a lot of the parents who feel compelled to “remote control” their kids by screaming “KICK IT!” Being in the middle of the field and getting whomped up side the head with a well-placed ball gives you a whole new appreciation for what those kids are learning!
Sandra
November 25th, 2010
7:33 am
Soccer (football in UK) is different here. My husband has been a volunteer ref at our son’s (9 years old) games several times. Soccer is very important here. When the world cup was on and England played the US, I had to go outside to garden as I couldn’t stand the stress but I always knew how the game was going because I could hear the men in most of the houses around me. It’s a wonder they all didn’t have heart attacks.
I think the woman who hit the ref should be arrested. There is no call for that kind of behavior esp. in front of kids.
lockherup!
November 25th, 2010
8:24 am
Some things you can still profile and be accurate, angry soccer mom is one of them. I’ve been involved in my kids soccer for 15 years now, trust me this woman was white. We average 2 awkward situations a year and they ALWAYS involve white women.
If the referee reads this or if you know him, please encourage him to prosecute! Put this woman behind bars for the holidays.Ultimately, she will pay a fine and do comm. service, but it might serve to dissuade, if slightly, the next angry, white, entitled woman who arrives at every game loaded for bear. Her child will play the entire game at her position of choice. Her child will not be fouled and her child will score and her childs team will win.
After 15 years of this, the amazing thing is that very few of these kids ultimately play soccer in high school? as soon as they have a little bit of independence from hte mother from hell, they bolt.
catlady
November 26th, 2010
9:28 pm
Or perhaps the ref should not be allowed to judge any other games until he reports the assault to the police (we gotta take care of our refs, for the sake of the game and the kids!)
The teacher in me wonders if this same woman expects to solve all her daughter’s other problems with violence, and what she thinks should happen to someone who assaults her daughter the way she assaulted the ref? Of course, she will probably sputter that the ref “made” her do it.
Some of the students I have had who had the most problems getting along with others, I put to this test: You have to tell me what YOU did. The sentence has to start with “I…” You might be surprised at how few kids like that can do it. Oh, they can say, “He..” but absolutely cannot just tell me what THEY did. Try it sometimes, folks. If your two children are having it out, separate them and have each of them tell you what THEY did before they can tell you what the other guy did.
I had a fifth grader 10 years ago who absolutely COULD NOT admit what he had done. Simply couldn’t say the word “I” first in the sentence. He always had a pseudo-reason for his attack on another kid, but could not say what action he had taken before, during, or after. Talking to his mom, it was clear where he had learned to “justify” his assaults. She thought I was being “mean” in expecting him to own up to his actions. (He ended up in juvie before he was 14.) (This is the same mother who told me he had had such bad luck–that every teacher since kindergarten had “been against him.”) I am telling this because if this woman is identified (and should be by one of the parents who witnessed this) she should be given this test–to make a sentence with the word “I” at the beginning. Bet she can’t.
brin
November 27th, 2010
4:47 pm
Geeez, what is happening to our society ? It seems it has been going on for sometime now. What ever happened to being polite and courteous ? Of course the lady who stuck the ref should be punished, she was the aggressor and there is never an excuse for violence except in self defense.
Those bringing in the race card should be ashamed of themselves ! Those that play the race card will never get anywhere and will pass on their victim status to their children and the rest of the society will leave them behind. MLK chanted ..we shall overcome..I never heard him chant ..We shall claim to be victims..Get a life !
JoDee
November 27th, 2010
8:48 pm
Somebody blasted me a week or so ago a because I said that there are few crazy parents on the sidelines at children’s running events. Does anybody ever slap the timer guys at the finish line of a footrace?
lockherup!
November 28th, 2010
8:49 am
Brin, nice argument, but you made a huge assumption that those of us that profiled this woman to be white must not be white. I am white, but I call it like I see it. For 15 years of youth soccer, the person that will consistently challenge other parents, coaches and refs, both vocally and physically is the sterotypical, spoiled white woman. I would challenge you to go to ANY metro atlanta soccer complex and observe it, not pretty!
motherjanegoose
November 28th, 2010
9:59 am
@ brin…what is happening to our society is that everyone is thinking only of ME . Children are observing this behavior and it is being passed down to them. Manners are obsolete…sad but true.
When I meet a child that is polite…I am amazed and quite thankful that a parent actually took time to instill manners in their child…not as common as it used to be.
Genteel…not so much!
SocMan
November 28th, 2010
11:04 am
I worked a game with this referee this weekend. First. the lady was wrong to hit him. BUT, I found out he has been suspended from refereeing in TN AND KY for being a jerk to fans and players. IF you read the article closely you will see he had proeblems with other fans during this tournament. Prosecute the lady, never have the referee in GA again!
LaLaLa
November 29th, 2010
8:07 am
A bit off topic, but… I refereed youth club, middle and high school, and women’s adult league soccer for 4 years. Finally quit after I saw coaches inciting their girls and boys to physically hurt the other teams’ players. One girl in middle school aimed a strong kick at another players shin and broke her leg. The offender just laughed and the coach rewarded her with a “way to go!” And yes, you can tell when it is intentional, especially if you have played the game, like I did for 15 years before taking up refereeing.
DB
November 29th, 2010
10:14 am
@LaLaLa: Sorry you quit — experienced referes that can throw the book at crap like that are what is needed on the field. I can tell you right now that D&P would have nailed to the wall any coach who encouraged that kind of behavior, but they can’t address it if it isn’t reported.
will we get a follow up report
November 29th, 2010
1:32 pm
I fall on the opinion that she should be arrested. The question is will the ajc or the local news media give a follow up? If this story goes away, then we can pretty much be sure that nothing happens. The police in North Fulton and Forsyth county act like they are afraid to arrest and the DA afraid to prosecute their residents. Remember the group of boys who broke into over 100 cars and was selling the items on e-bay. We are talking burglary and rackeeterring charges, did they even get convicted? AJC never followed up on that story. Or the Forysth teens send “sexting messages”, did they get prosecuted under Georga sex laws like the kid in Douglas county who had consensual relations with a fellow teenager?
It is not a race issue as much as a class issue when the appearance is there are two sets of standards for application of the law. This mother should have been arrested period and as a man, let me go slap a female referee and leave the scene. I bet I would be arrested whether she took out a warrant or not.
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