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Momania: A Blog for Busy Moms

Are we raising a generation of nincompoops?

12:22 am September 29, 2010, by Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

Can your kids tie their shoes? Can they zip their jackets? Can they use a can opener?

Many kids across American cannot do basic mechanical chores and Associated Press writer Beth Harpaz wonders if we’re raising a generation of incapable kids.

From The Associated Press:

“Second-graders who can’t tie shoes or zip jackets. Four-year-olds in Pull-Ups diapers. Five-year-olds in strollers. Teens and preteens befuddled by can openers and ice-cube trays. College kids who’ve never done laundry, taken a bus alone or addressed an envelope.”

“Are we raising a generation of nincompoops? And do we have only ourselves to blame? Or are some of these things simply the result of kids growing up with push-button technology in an era when mechanical devices are gradually being replaced by electronics?”

“Susan Maushart, a mother of three, says her teenage daughter ‘literally does not know how to use a can opener. Most cans come with pull-tops these days. I see her reaching for a can that requires a can opener, and her shoulders slump and she goes for something else.’ ”

“Teenagers are so accustomed to either throwing their clothes on the floor or hanging them on hooks that Maushart says her ‘kids actually struggle with the mechanics of a clothes hanger.’ ”

“Many kids never learn to do ordinary household tasks. They have no chores. Take-out and drive-through meals have replaced home cooking. And busy families who can afford it often outsource house-cleaning and lawn care.”

” ‘It’s so all laid out for them,’ said Maushart, author of the forthcoming book ‘The Winter of Our Disconnect,’ about her efforts to wean her family from its dependence on technology. ‘Having so much comfort and ease is what has led to this situation — the Velcro sneakers, the Pull-Ups generation. You can pee in your pants and we’ll take care of it for you!’ “

The author of the article was personally affected when a visiting 12-year-old couldn’t get ice out of a regular ice tray as opposed to the automatic dispenser on the refrigerator.

Personally, I am thrilled when my 3-year-old can change from her tap shoes into her ballet shoes by herself at dance class because her 7-year old brother is still mastering tying his shoes thanks to years of Velcro. (Damn you Velcro — so convenient, yet such an enabler!)

When my oldest daughter was in kindergarten I noticed she would still have her jacket on at lunch even though the outdoor temperature had warmed up. I finally realized the poor child didn’t know how to unzip her own jacket!! I had always done it for her out of convenience. (That one is clearly on me! Bad helicopter mother! However, I have made sure the other two children, including the 3-year-old, can zip.)

Through the years teenage babysitters have surprised me with their incompetence in the kitchen. One didn’t know how to use the can opener. Another cooked the pizza when the cardboard still under it and yet another asked if she should boil the corn on the cob still in its husk.  I wrote it off to their mothers never cooking at home, but maybe this is about not being exposed to common mechanical tools.

I don’t think this generation is dumb. My 3-year-old knows how to use our digital camera and my 7-year-old downloads movies from Netflix on the computer to the X-Box hard drive to watch later. They create computer games on their own, do algebra in the fourth grade and could make a Power Point presentation in second grade.

I do believe the problem is not the intelligence of the children but with helicopter parents and technology doing things for them.

This may be opening a can of worms but I think that kids who go to day care learn how to zip their jackets, tie their shoes, put on the skates and wipe their bottoms sooner because the day care workers can’t do it for all twenty kids in the class. Because my kids were always home with me I tied their shoes and zipped their jackets (and wiped the bottoms) as we hustled out the door.

I am pleased to say that my second-grader’s class just worked on addressing envelopes last week so I know he can do that one! But now I want to see if my kids can get ice from an old fashioned tray. (I sense a sneaky test coming on!)

So what do you think: Are we raising a generation of incapable nincompoops? Are they actually dumb? Are we doing too much for them? Are we not teaching them basic life skills?

Do you think kids that go to day care learn these everyday life skills better or faster than kids that have stay-at-home moms or dads?

How do you explain he disconnect between the amazing things they can accomplish (like using my smart phone better than me) and the simple things they cannot?

Share with us funny (or sad) examples of stuff your kids can’t do!

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September 29th, 2010
12:44 am

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HB

September 29th, 2010
1:07 am

The lack of skills of teenagers described here (not knowing how to cook certain foods, crack an ice tray, or use a can opener) don’t particularly concern me. I remember not knowing how to use a manual can opener until my teens because we happened to have an electric one — no biggie and I could see the ice tray being unknown for the same reason. What’s scary here is the lack of curiosity! Putting a can back rather than find out how to open it? Keep a jacket on rather than try pulling down on the zipper pull like she’s seen Mom do every day? Kids typically go on a real independent streak around age two (”my do it!”). I bet the issue is less about technology and more about impatient adults who are quick to do these little tasks rather than wait long enough for the kids to do it or risk them doing something incorrectly.

shaggy

September 29th, 2010
6:33 am

“Are we raising a generation of nincompoops?”

Nincompoops are raising this generation, and as the saying goes, “the nut never falls too far from the tree”.

Children start as blank slates. Parents today are more focused on their selfish needs, than raising their own children. Many are convinced by entitlements that raising their children is someone else’s job altogether…yours and mine.
This is clearly expressed by the culture of celebrity that exists today. This generation is taught by example, to believe that there is more value in being popular (Lohan, Hilton, American Idol, pro athletes, etc…) than being smart, or courageous e.g., dreaming of being an astronaut
Now, just whose responsibility is it to teach them values? The television?

Jeff

September 29th, 2010
6:50 am

There are really 2 topics here. Everything is push button I don’t have an issue with.

Kids who don’t know how to do laundry @ 18 is the parents’ fault.

Shaggy, you’re 100% right. If a minor doesn’t know how to do something inportant, whose job is it to teach them those things? The parent.

deidre_NC

September 29th, 2010
7:05 am

my kids can do anything and if they cant they will figure it out. it is much easier (in the short term) to do it all for them for sure. but as they get older its just a pain in the butt. i do have to say-when i first moved here to the mountains things for me changes (a purposeful change) but when my oldest daughter and son came up to visit-my daughter went to cook a hot dog and came to me and said ‘mom wheres the microwave?’ she had no idea how to boil a hotdog! and the night came that it was my older sons turn to wash dishes and he just stood there at the sink-i had to show him how…they were 8 and 10 years old…and had always had a microwave and dishwasher. i cant think of anything else like that…i always had my kids do their share of cooking-cleaning etc…and they all learned how to tie their own shoes, in fact i wouldnt let them buy velcro shoes until they had the art of tying their shoelaces down pat. used to that was on the list of things they had to know before they entered kindegarten.i think one thing that has happened is so many parent work and are in a hurry to get going they just do these things for the kids as a time saver (which it really is). i have tried to make mine self sufficient and have pretty much succeeded. not that they are perfect by any means, but if the power goes out and they have to do things manually, they can. they can take care of themselves and have been able to since they were young (the older 2 learned how to cook without a microwave and wash dishes without a dishwasher very quickly)..and of course its the parents fault…who else is there to teach the little ones these tasks but the ones who are raising them? i dont think its always a case of a parent being neglectful…just busy and really not thinking–i never thought of the dishwasher/microwave things until they came up.

catlady

September 29th, 2010
7:16 am

Yes. Part of it is they haven’t been taught basic things at home (How to nod or say “good morning” when someone greets you.)

Part of it is learned laziness (”Make up his bed? Why should my son have to work like that?”)

Part of it is a sense of entitlement.

At any rate, it is the responsibility of the home to teach basic things like this, and many homes are failing miserably.

Claire

September 29th, 2010
8:13 am

When I came to college I could not believe the amount of people who did not know how to do their own laundry. I cannot count the number of times I had to show someone how to do it. Ironing was non existent- not only because of laziness, but because they simply did not know how. When a couple of guys who lived on my hall had to go to a funeral, they asked me to iron their pants because they did not know how. I set it up, showed them how to do it, then made them do it.

I can understand now knowing how to use some specific kitchen devices. Why would one know unless they had done it before? Not everyone uses every device in the kitchen. In fact, I had to have one of my roommates show me how to use the can opener she had- it was one that cut it on the side to avoid sharp edges, and I didn’t realize that so I tried using it the normal way. I don’t think anything’s wrong with that. You ask someone to show you how, then you do it yourself.

Living in the dorms doesn’t necessarily help, because one never learns to cook. I LOVED with I moved into an apartment, then a house, near campus because I could really cook. My roommates and friends were impressed that I could do what I could- but I had been helping out since I could.

I started doing my own laundry around 13. Of course, if I needed help, or was super busy, my mom would do a load for me every now and then, but it was my responsibility to ask and get it started.

One thing that really amazed me- when I went to a family wedding this past labor day, my 26 year old brother had no idea how to tie a tie. He was the only guy there, and none of the females had done it either. So, what did we do? Youtube. (I also learned how to crochet by watching youtube videos)
His girlfriend watched, tried to tie it, couldn’t. He tried, couldn’t. They had each tried several times on several different videos. He eventually came to me for help, and I got it on my first try- it was just following simple directions. No, it didn’t look perfect- it was really short- but I got it done.

Out of curiosity- when should guys be able to tie their own ties?

TechMom

September 29th, 2010
8:19 am

I think a lot of it is time. We are much so much busier that it is often times easier to just do it yourself. Our biggest downfall is likely cooking. I try to involve my son but quite frankly we do a lot of quick meals that don’t require a lot of prep and usually I’m throwing that stuff on the stove or on the grill while he’s showering after practice so we can eat at a decent hour. By the time I was his age (15), I had to cook dinner twice a week. I do laundry mostly on Saturdays and everyone has to help fold and put their own clothes away but I did teach him how to use the washer and dryer in 6th grade because I remember being baffled when I was in high school and one of my friends who lived across the street (a boy) asked me to come over and help him wash a load of laundry because his mom never had – it just stuck with me.

We live in a neighborhood where probably only 15% of the people do their own yard work. Even the families with kids old enough to do it themselves. And of the handful who do it themselves, I think some of the men are in competition to see whose lawn can look the best. Our son mows our grass as part of his allowance but threw a fit this summer when the riding mower wasn’t fixed and he had to push mow. You thought we were torturing him the way he whined and complained. So the next week, even after the riding mower had been fixed, he got to push mow again.

I do think we have to be more intentional about teaching kids and many of us are too caught up in get it done quick so we can go do the next thing that we forget we aren’t giving our children the tools they need to cope in real life.

Photius

September 29th, 2010
8:21 am

Today’s children are just like any generation of Homo Sapiens for the last 100,000 years – a few winners, a whole lot of losers; same as any age bracket during life. No, they are not nincompoops they just have not been exposed or taught. My greater concern is the emotional aspect from these self protective helicopter parents who hover and will never let the child spread their wings and fly, and perhaps actually make a mistake on their own! Many parents are simply over-protective and are doing their child an disservice for life preparation, yet this is what the parents desire because “I just love him soooo much”. Not all children are smart and clever or cute; they are like any segment of life – a few who are intelligent and motivated and a great swath of children who simply will never amount to anything. The older I get the more I am convinced that half of all parents should have been sterilized prior to having children. Morons breed more morons from multiple partners and the good parents don’t breed enough.

fred

September 29th, 2010
8:21 am

Part of good parenting is saying no to your kids once in a while. No I will not do that for you, YOU can do it yourself. Ask me how to do something and I will tell you or show you, but I will not do it for you once you are able to do it yourself. I do realize that it is often easier for me to just do it myself, but I am not going to raise a helpless half wit. My girls are not stupid and I will not let them get away with laziness. If they choose not to do something then there will be consequences. As a teacher I see high-schoolers who have little to no concept of what it takes to get to school on time. why were you late? my moms forgot to wake me up, my dad blah blah blah. Set your own alarm and make your own lunch instead of complaining about what mom put in it again. We as parents are failing our children if we do not teach independence.

Alecia

September 29th, 2010
8:24 am

I make a point of pushing my daughter to be independent. She is 7 and washes dishes. Sometimes I let her cook. If they can read, they can follow directions. I still oversee the oven/stove. Lunch, she packs it on her own and it gets a final glance over(check for stray sugary items). I laugh whenever a parent tells me how they do not have time to pack their kid’s lunch. If the child is in preschool perhaps this is understandable. If a kid is school aged(w/o disability) and cannot assemble a sammy, grab an apple, and a small snack, the parent is to blame. She is responsible for hanging up her clothes and placing the dirty ones in a hamper. Since preschool she has been zipping up her own jacket. Unfortunately, I fell for the velcro also and she started tying her own shoes in kindergarten.

I also have to agree with catlady on the socialization. So many of my peers are quick to buy a DS and consider their parenting duties done. There are folks that consider the DS to be a babysitter. More than 1.5hrs/day with screen is a dis-service to the child. If they are sucked into their handheld game, they are not interacting face to face. It is not uncommon to see a family out at a restaurant and the kids have a DS and the parents are on the cell phone or laptop.

FCM

September 29th, 2010
8:26 am

Hello Helicopter parents….stop doing everything for your kids and teach them to do it for themselves.

Tying shoes should be a skill learned 1st grade at latest. Don’t you think? I mwan if the child has gross motor skill activity issues that is different. I have a friend who’s neice has “issues” and she is 5 or 6 and just said her own name for the first time…that is completely different than the “average” kid.

My children (8 & 10) have been helping with the laundry for years. Granted until the last year or so it has been mostly folding and putting it away correctly. Still, as a parent I would be wrong to not teach them to do laundry.

Same with cooking. They each help in the kitchen. The 10 yo can take things in and out of the oven…the 8 yo just started getting to do this with the toaster oven. 10 yo cooks on the stove top with constant supervision, in the toaster oven with me just checking to make sure that it is set correctly and turned off when done. 8 yo is learning to start the toaster oven and can microwave food if needed.

To me these are just basic life skills. Like brushing your teeth.

TechMom

September 29th, 2010
8:28 am

@Claire – I cannot tie a tie- no reason to. My son however learned how in 7th grade because he attends a private school and that was about the time he switched from the little boy ties (that just hook around the collar) to a real tie. My husband showed him how several times and he just practiced till he got it. The funny thing is that just this past weekend, he went on YouTube and learned how to tie a tie a different way so that the “knot stays shaped better” (?? I had no clue what he was talking about.) But for once I was glad that he took the initiative to use technology to learn something.

By the way, I’m a fan of technology, obviously, and I don’t think it’s wrong to let use kids use the tools available to them to learn new stuff. My husband is not really mechanically inclined but we do what we can to save money. This summer, his truck needed new rotors and instead of paying the shop, he decided to do it himself and have our son help him. About an hour into the process, we were all sitting in the driveway watching a video on ehow to figure out how to remove the caliper.

Jeff

September 29th, 2010
8:33 am

Missed you FCM.

Claire, I knew how to tie my own tie (and did it routinely) by 9th grade.

TechMom

September 29th, 2010
8:37 am

Another funny experience- my dad made me learn how to change a tire and the oil in a car before I was allowed to drive. No problem for me, I love knowing how to do things and hands-on learning is the best. Last school year we were headed to a wrestling tournament and carpooling with another mom so it was she and I and 4 high school boys. The tire blew on the interstate. She started digging for her AAA card. I stopped her and said we could do it before she could even get off the phone with them. My son and I had it changed in about 5 minutes. We had shown our son how to do change a tire already and the two of us were able to work together to get it done very quickly. As an added bonus, he is in Scouts and they just completed the automotive merit badge. Who got to do the instruction on changing a tire? Our son – it was great to see him be able to pass along some useful knowledge to other kids.

JJ

September 29th, 2010
9:01 am

Every teenager should be mowing lawns, boys and girls too, theirs and the neighbors. Do you have any idea how much money can be made mowing neighborhood lawns? The kid next door to me charges $30 to mow, front and back (I do it myself though, but he helps me with the trim and the weed wacking). Imagine if he mows 3 lawns a day, that’s $90 in his pocket CASH, no taxes. So three of our neighborhood boys starting a business, and they raked in some cash this past summer.

DB

September 29th, 2010
9:06 am

My kids went to a private school, and on Fridays, they had to wear a blazer and tie. The first year they had to do that, I hadn’t really focused on the fact that my husband was going to be out of town on that first day they had to wear ties — and when my son brought his tie to me and said, “Where’s the clip?!” (he was 9), I was flummoxed — I didn’t know how to tie it, either! So we got on the internet and found instructions (too early for YouTube, alas, but detailed directions.) He had his tie tied neatly. Yay! He told me later that the gym teacher had a line of about 10 boys outside of his office first thing that morning, from moms who had sent their kids to school with instructions to ask a male teacher how to tie their tie. WTH? And after gym, almost all the boys needed help retying their ties, because their moms had done it for them that morning, and they were clueless. But by the end of September, they had all figured it out.

First time poster

September 29th, 2010
9:07 am

My daughter learned to tie her shoes at age 3, I just didn’t buy velcro close shoes. She’s almost 13 and knows how to clean (bathroom too!), cook, do laundry, use a can opener (we don’t have an electric one) and pretty much most of the basic life skills she’ll need going forward. How’d she learn all this? Well, I taught her. I see that as part of my job as her mom to prepare her to live on her own one day seems pretty basic to me.

DB

September 29th, 2010
9:12 am

My daughter got a good laugh out of one of her dorm-mates last year. The girl walked into the laundry room, filled up her washing machine, and then looked around and asked my daughter, “So, where’s the laundry detergent?” My daughter told her that she had to bring her own, and the girl was indignant: “But at home, it’s always sitting on top of the dryer! You mean, they don’t provide the detergent? How are we supposed to do laundry?!” My daughter started laughing, and then offered the girl a capful of her detergent.

JATL

September 29th, 2010
9:13 am

I’m totally with HB and Shaggy here. The lack of curiosity is disturbing! I also think parents rush to do things for kids instead of letting them work it out. I’ve actually gotten dirty looks from people overhearing me tell one of my kids to, “Figure it out -you can do it.” And I’m not talking about crossing the street or anything involving danger -I’m talking about being whined at for things mentioned here -taking off a jacket, changing shoes, etc. I really try to teach my kids basics like tying shoes and using zippers and my 4 year old is already pretty good in the kitchen! If he doesn’t know how to do something though, he WILL try to figure it out. This can lead to its own problems (and I think some parents go far out of their way to avoid those -hence this issue), but I had rather have ice all over the floor or strangely peeled fruit than a kid who abandons trying.

Lady Strange

September 29th, 2010
9:17 am

This makes me think of my sister in law’s daughter. She’s 19, can’t drive (and doesn’t want to learn), can’t cook, and I doubt that she can do laundry, work a lawn mower or vaccum. Shecan’t seem to do anything for herself all because mommy always did it for her. Now she doesn’t have the drive to learn for herself, since mommy still does it for her.

My son is 2 and I try to let him do most anything he wants to try for himself (as long as it’s not dangerous, like using a knife). He is relying on me to teach him the skills he needs to be an independant person. I would only be doing him harm to not teach him the basics of being independant.

JJ

September 29th, 2010
9:29 am

And you have to let them fall……let them fall and pick themselves back up. You can’t learn if someone does everything for you. You are doing a disservice to your child, by doing everything for your child.

FCM

September 29th, 2010
9:29 am

Thanks Jeff I was underwater a bit (work and home). All is better now. With Quarter Close I will probably go radio silent here soon. I miss “talking” when I cannot get over here.

Tech Mom I was Jr ROTC in HS. Everyone in the class had to learn a tie even though the girls do not wear them with their uniforms. I have used the skill a few times since then both for myself (waiting tables) and others—one guy who lived above my apartment (this was 2005) was going to a dance and he was struggling with it. I saw him (parking lot) and said hand it over. I can only tie it if it is on me…LOL. In a few moments I had it done. He put it on and I fixed the knot. He just said “where did you learn to do that?”…

On the other hand my Dad had taught my brother to tie a tie when he was 9 or 10. When he went to HS (also Jr ROTC) he was one of the ones helping to teach the other cadets how to do it.

Shaggy–as usual I find you dead to rights.

Photious–I don’t know can’t there be some of us that are intelligent but haven’t found a way to fulfill our potential yet? Even intelligent people can make errors in judgement or wrong decisions that derail them sometimes right? At least I hope that is my case, since I feel I am finally making headway in that area…though I was never content/lasted long as just a drone. Make sense?

Bunch of Yentas

September 29th, 2010
9:31 am

It is partly impatience. We are always on the go. So, I can stand there for 2 minutes while my 7 year old son ties his shoe for the 5th time today, or I can bend down and spend 15 seconds and tie it tight enough that we don’t have to think about it again. I will have to make an effort to be more patient.

I did buy a stool so he can pour his own drinks.

I have been too afraid to let him near knives also. If he wants a snack, then I have always gotten whatever fruit or vegetable and cut it into pieces. I probably should teach him to prepare his own raw foods at least.

I was a latch key kid from the time I was 9, so I figured out a lot of stuff on my own. For the most part, that worked ok. However, I almost burned the house down when I was 12 trying to fry chicken. I had been taught how to fry, but not what to do with a grease fire. Luckily a neighbor just happened to be knocking at the door as I was about to douse the fire with water.

Claire

September 29th, 2010
9:46 am

another thing- I recently got a new roommate, who was a person I did not know. She is a freshman, but not at UGA, so she’s living off campus. When her and her mother came to check out the place before she signed the lease, she noticed on our whiteboard that we had a list of whose turn it was to unload the dishwasher. Her mom could not believe that we took turns doing normal chores. She moved in because another roommate moved out, and the one who moved out took the vacuum. My roommates mother asked us if there was anything we might need, and we suggested a vacuum, because the one I brought from home to replace the one my roommate took was horrible. She said she would get one for us, but that we might have to show her daughter how to use it- because she had never used one before.

mystery poster

September 29th, 2010
9:49 am

I learned to tie a tie when I was 8, my brownie uniform had one. My dad taught me to tie it (fond memories).

Cammi317

September 29th, 2010
10:02 am

I am 38 and still can’t use a manual can opener. I own one, but if the power went out and I needed it, I would be stuck. For whatever reason I just cannot work the darn thing. I don’t mow my lawn and I don’t expect my daughter to either. Growing up my dad cut our lawn or he hired someone to do it. When my younger brothers hit about 16, then they started doing it. We girls did sweep down the drive way and help gather up the raked leaves. Since I have been out on my own, I have always hired someone to cut my grass with the exception of 1 time 2 years ago. I cut about 1/3 of my back yard and then my dad came over and finished the back and the front. Now I just have the little boy next door do it. My daughter is 12 and she knows how to do laundry, but generally speaking I do it. She vacuums her own room. Ironing….I don’t like to iron and I rarely do because I either hang things directly out of the dryer or use the fabric steamer. I know how to and I own an iron, but I rarely use it. My daughter has maybe ironed once, and that is something I do need to make sure that she can safely do. She can cook basic meals, but nothing fancy. Most of the time I do the cooking or we eat out because she has school work and so many extra curricular activities. She really does not have “chores” but as she is will be 13 soon, I think I will be giving her a little more responsibility around the house.

JOD

September 29th, 2010
10:03 am

Shaggy and JATL have it right (as usual!). I’m curious to know if the mother who watched her daughter put a can back on the shelf asked the girl why? Clearly she knew the answer, but it could have been a teachable moment instead of a pitiful one. Why the girl didn’t ask is interesting as well. The thought of my 2-year-old girl being so helpless when she’s older (and me being so obtuse) is scary.

I am learning (she’s my first, so struggle sometimes) that letting her fall (nothing serious, of course) teaches her how not to fall and to pick herself up (that girl loves to spin around!), and that letting her put on her clothes and shoes may look funny now (at home only), but she’ll get the hang of it. She helps with the laundry – hands it to me and puts in the dryer – same with the dishes – and is proud of herself for that. She likes to watch me cook, too, so I anticipate we’ll be working on the laundry, dishes, and cooking together in elementary school.

Techmom’s point is good, too. I think the challenge all parents should take is taking the time to let little ones try for themselves whenever possible, knowing that sometimes we just have to get going!

TechMom

September 29th, 2010
10:10 am

@FCM – I was in JRTOC in HS too (and Brownies when I was younger) but since I didn’t have to wear a regular tie, I never learned how. Certainly if the need ever arose though, I’d learn how.

Kate

September 29th, 2010
10:22 am

My mother in law (whom I love dearly) was a bit of a helicopter parent back in the day and both my husband and his younger brother have nincompoop tendencies so I definitely see the correlation! Even the most basic of household chores is a complete mystery to my husband, and I’m not exaggerating at all when I say he cannot boil water. My poor brother in law is even worse. Not long after he got his first car he calls my father in law from his cell phone and says “Dad, one of the tires on my car looks funny. It’s round on top, but it’s flat on the bottom and it makes a weird sound when I’m driving. What’s wrong with it?” My father in law said “Do you mean you have a flat tire?!” My brother in law didn’t even know what that was, much less how to fix it so his dad had to come rescue him. After he moved into his first apartment he called me and asked if it would be OK to use dish washing liquid (the kind you use when you wash dishes by hand) instead of dishwashing detergent in his dishwasher. I told him absolutely not, but he decided to try it anyway. About an hour later he calls me back in a panic because foam is spewing out of his dishwasher and all over his kitchen! That the was the first of MANY household misadventures for him. Needless to say, he did not get his deposit back when he moved!

Lori

September 29th, 2010
10:24 am

Kids aren’t dumb they are just exposed to different things at different ages than we were. My son couldn’t tie his shoes until he was 6, not because he was stupid but because that is the first time I bought him shoes with laces. But at age 3 he could program the DVR, connect the Wii to the entertainment center, and play games on the internet. I just let him figure things out on his own, unless they require instruction, and he’s pretty good at it. Actually he’s better at it than me. I still can’t get those transformer toys back into car form, but he sure can!!

abc

September 29th, 2010
10:28 am

A boy should know how to tie a necktie by the time he’s 12 years old. If in Boy Scouts, he could learn it there; but his father should certainly teach him at least 2 ways (windsor/double windsor and flathead) so as to be able to accomodate different lengths of ties. Ties come in different lengths, you know.

Michelle

September 29th, 2010
10:37 am

I do think that parents do their children a disservice by not making them learn and do things on their own.

My little guy is 7. He has been tying his shoes since the summer after kindergarten. He can make his own lunch, BUT, I typically like to do it so I make sure he has a nice rounded meal!

If he wants a snack after school, he will go to the fridge and get a yogurt or some fruit, or occasionally some chips. He can pour his own milk (as long as the gallon is not too full!).

He knows how to sort the laundry, and put his away (if I put it at a level he can reach!) Typically, I just have him put away socks and underwear.

Thankfully, he is a curious kid. I have him try it, and if he gets too frustrated, I help him out! I have learned from my husband and the older kids, if I do it, they will continue to let me! :o)

I am whatever you say I am

September 29th, 2010
10:40 am

I’m glad you brought up 5 years old being in strollers.
I was at a company function and this woman (dressed from circa 1940’s)
showed up with her son in a stroller and it was as clear as day to see he was well too old for it. Especially while he was in, we was moving his arm at people instructing them to move out the way while she was pushing it.

Kids are very smart but it is up to the adults to maximize on their potential. you can easily teach a child multiple languages, math, reading, etc…at an early age if you put effort toward that.

I’m very please with my child. He’s 2 and is very smart!
He got that way because I’m vested in his development. you have to be or you will have 47 year old boys still living at home with momma!

I am whatever you say I am

September 29th, 2010
10:40 am

typo: we should be he

motherjanegoose

September 29th, 2010
11:07 am

Checking in quickly from Montana!

Oh wow…we absolutley experienced the ice cube tray thing years ago. We bought our first fridge with ice in the door, when our son was two. While on vacation, when he was 13, he asked for ice. I told him to look in the freezer and get some. He was puzzled, as he had never seen the blue plastric trays in our fridge. I then took them out and showed him how to work them,.
WE HAD THE METAL TRAYS WITH THE PULL LEVER WHEN I WAS A KID. I thought the blue plastic trays were new fangled…back then :)

Alecia…this is the best:

I make a point of pushing my daughter to be independent.

I totally agree with you and have done the same with my own kids. Unless someone expects them to know how to do something, on their own, they will not rise to the occasion ( sp?).

DB, yes my daughter has experienced many of the same things at college and calls and laughs,

JJ…the reason many kids are not interested in earning that kind of money is because Mama will give them $100 per week, if they ask. Our daughter knows she has to earn her own spending money while at college. She is working 16 hours every other weekend. Most of her friends are not. My son worked too. Most of his friends did not. Again, this falls into the category of the expectations being set. Mine know what they have to do. Each family is different but my children are independent and have both worked since they were 12 or so.

Last Thanksgiving. my daughter studied cookbooks and selected the menu. She made me a shopping list. I cooked the turkey and she cooked everything else. She was 17. We had a full meal with 10 different items. She can cook more things and is better at it than many young adults, certainly most college kids.

One of her friends and mother went with us on a trip. The daughter announced to the mother that she needed her toothpaste.I replied that I had seen some on the bathroom counter in the hotel. She said, “that is my mom’s and not mine.” Her mother hopped up and found it in her suitcase. ARE YOU KIDDING? My daughter has been packing her own suitcase for years. I would have told her to look for it and then, if she could not find it….mentioned where mine was in my suitcase and told her she could certainly use it.

If your goal is to have your children dependent on you forever, then keep doing everything for them.

No one learns how to do things if someone else does everything for them. I hire things out, when I can afford it but I usually know how to do a lot of things myself. I hired out the wallpaper removal as I was only cahrged $200 for my kitchen and dining room and that would have taken me a week and lots of frustration too….I was thrilled to tack the fee on to my paint job!

Our son moved out at 23. I am sad that I do not see him but remember that we moved to Texas ( 1000 miles away from our families) at the same age and did just fine. Besides…I have DB to give
me a visual once in a while, as she knows where he works…thanks DB!

Becky

September 29th, 2010
11:07 am

Like Lori said, they are jsut exposed to a different way of life..Some good, some bad (imo)..My two are 8 and they can use a manual can opener (I have never had an electric one), they both can operate the microwave..Heck, they can both make a phone call from a rotary phone..

Both of them help me cook and they both know how to use a knife without getting cut..They both know how to wash dishes (no dishwasher) by hand, dry them and put them up..I haven’t started them on laundry yet, that will probably be next year..

@Michelle..Your last line is so true..I have a coworker that lives at home with her Mom and so does her brother..The brother (44) can’t do anything on his own..Their Mother does it all..The coworker treats her 19 year old son the same way…

I don’t have to worry about the boy being curious..He is always taking stuff apart and “fixing” it..He knows how to change a tire (knows but can’t) Like someone else mentioned, if they don’t know how to work something, they will ask and I show them..

motherjanegoose

September 29th, 2010
11:09 am

@Lori…when our son was two he was curious about the VCR and put a sandwich into it….nothing EVER happened after that…:0

HB

September 29th, 2010
11:19 am

Cammi317, it may be the can opener you’re using. Have you tried more than one? I think some of the ones that are all medal with a smallish piece that you turn (they look really old fashioned but are still common) can be hard to get lined up right on the can and then are hard to turn, but the bigger ones with the plastic coated handles and an easier turn to grip are super easy to work (and don’t cost much more).

Kate

September 29th, 2010
11:26 am

I don’t think it’s entirely fair to point the finger just at parents. As a parent of young children I have to say societal expectations aren’t making things any easier for us. What used to be considered normal childhood injuries are now seen as telltale signs of child abuse and/or neglect. When my daughter was 2 1/2 she became very curious about cooking and the kitchen in general so I let her help a little. She would stand on her little stool and help stir things, measure out ingredients, etc., while I supervised. Unfortunately, one night while I was cooking dinner she sneaked a sharp knife out of the drawer when I wasn’t looking and, in the blink of an eye, cut her hand wide open. I had to take her to the hospital to have it stitched up and you wouldn’t believe the lecture I got from the doctor! I was interrogated about the circumstances that lead up to her hurting herself and the doctor was completely shocked that I allowed her anywhere near the kitchen. Although he didn’t specifically say it, I definitely got the feeling that if I ever showed up at that ER with my child again I was going to be in big trouble! The daughter of a friend of ours fell out of a tree she was trying to climb in the backyard and got banged up pretty badly. Her mother called 911 just as a precaution since she wasn’t sure how badly the girl was hurt and DFACS actually showed up at her house before the ambulance did! This is the world we live in. Maybe we, as parents, are being absurdly protective of our kids, but I don’t know if it’s because we trying to protect ourselves or we’ve been brainwashed into believing this actually necessary.

TechMom

September 29th, 2010
11:38 am

@Cammi317 – are you left handed? My son is left handed and it took a while for him to figure out how to open a can with a manual can opener because they’re designed for righties. OXO makes one with bigger grips that seemed to help. I actually have more issues with automatic can openers so I prefer a manual one (plus it takes up a lot less space).

Cammi317

September 29th, 2010
11:45 am

@ HB, perhaps I should purchase a different one. @TechMom, I am right handed. After reading HB’s post I am going to purchase a different type and hopefully I will manage better.

Kate

September 29th, 2010
12:05 pm

It’s funny several people have mentioned seeing 5 year olds in strollers. Some acquaintances of ours insist on strapping their nearly 8 year old kid into a car seat whenever he’s in the car. I don’t mean a booster seat, I mean full-sized car seat with a 5 point harness! He’s a healthy, normal sized kid, so I don’t know where they even found a car seat big enough for him, but they act as if we out of our minds for not doing the same with our 8 year old.

RJ

September 29th, 2010
12:08 pm

Kids should learn to be independent and responsible from an early age. This could be as simple as learning to put away your toys after playing with them when you’re 2. I must admit that I didn’t learn to wash clothes until I was 17 because my mom did our laundry. I still don’t know how she had the energy to do a family of 5’s laundry after working all day, but she did. I taught my kids at the age of 10. Each of them has to wash their own clothes, fold them, iron them and put them away. It really helps me a lot. Bless my mama but I just can’t do what she did.

For those of you struggling with shoe strings, I bought my kids a great book at Stride Rite teaching them how to tie their shoes. It taught them for me. Loved it. Don’t know if it’s still around but if it is I would invest in it.

As for lawn cutting, neither of my kids will be cutting my grass any time soon. My husband hires a great lawn guy because of how our home sits. The incline would be very dangerous for an inexperienced kid. My kids receive time cards every week which outlines their responsibilities. If I sign off on everything, they receive pay for services. Some weeks are better than others, but this allows them to earn money instead of using me as an ATM. As for when they’re in college, I don’t really want work to be the focus. Maybe they can work 15 hours a week if it doesn’t interfere with their studies. But I’ve already told my oldest that I’d rather she get an internship (paying or non-paying) than worry about working at some department store.

Becky

September 29th, 2010
12:22 pm

The girl learned on her own how to tie her shoe laces..I have noticed that with them being twins, she is better at some things and vice versa..

@Kate..Boy are you right on that..Took the girl to the Dr. a couple of years ago, because she had fallen off the bed and landed on her elbow wrong..I felt like a child abuser..I know that Drs. are suppose to be on hte look out for child abuse, but what ever happened to knowing the difference between child abuse and just being a child?

Light

September 29th, 2010
12:22 pm

Let God will be done thru this blog http://lightoftheearth.blogspot.com/

catlady

September 29th, 2010
12:25 pm

While I have brought my kids up pretty sensibly (I think), I was in some ways handicapped in the way I was raised (probably why I have done things differently, in general). Until I went to college, I had never used a washer or dryer (I was allowed to fold towels and washcloths). I was allowed to iron–my dad’s handkerchiefs and the pillowcases–but nothing else. I knew how to warm up food from a can, but not how to make anything. In college I was not allowed to live off campus so I never learned much about cooking. I was allowed to dry dishes, and I was good at cutting up beef kidney for the cat. I also mowed the yard once I got to be about 15.

One time I was home on break and decided to “help” my mother by moppimg her carefully waxed floors. I made up a real strong ammonia solution and stripped the wax off those floors completely. Couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong. My mom was so mad!

I got married not having lived on my own and decided to make some spaggetti. I could not figure out how, when my mother fried the beef, she had to add a bit of cooking oil to make it fry, but when I did it there was GALLONS of liquid that came off the meat. Turns out, I did not know anything about using hamburger; we had always eaten ground round, which has much less fat.

My dad was more common-sense. Before I could go out that first day I got my license, I had to rotate all 4 tires on the car by myself. Took me most of the day. He also insisted I learn how to balance the checkbook, to the penny!

One thing I did not do was work while in high school, not even in the summer. I was also not expected to work in college (I took massive overloads and finished in less than 3 years) and I discouraged my kids from working although all 3 did some for pocket money. I know that is quite different from some on this blog.

I did babysit on the weekends, but was not encouraged to do volunteer work. That is one thing I required of my children.

As a teacher, I see two extemes: mostly, kids who do not have the nurturing they need, which includes teaching them. Then, the other extreme, where they don’t know how to make appropriate choices or do age-appropriate self-care.

What I call common sense isn’t too common.

meagain

September 29th, 2010
12:52 pm

My 7 & 8 yr olds can’t tie their shoes thanks to velcro. So the last couple of pairs of shoes have been lace up & they still don’t quite “get” tying them. The 8 yr old can use a can opener, both can zip, hang clothes on hangars & make their beds.

Photius

September 29th, 2010
12:53 pm

Trends such as a 5 year old in a stroller can lead to a wonderful trend in adult children of always being under the wing of mommy and daddy; even financially. Do you know how many adult children still use their parents as a bank? I know one Father who still pays for his 27 year old son’s cell phone. I know parents who co-sign on their child’s house because the adult child has a horrible credit score. I know a 40 year old single mother who saves nothing for her retirement because she is counting on her parents inheritance… her parents are in their early 60’s and we’re not talking millionaires either.

Give a child everything of what they need…. Give them only some of what they want.

JJ

September 29th, 2010
12:58 pm

Thanking Velcro is wrong. YOU bought them…….you enabled the behavior. So sad a 7 year can’t tie their own shoes. I NEVER bought velcro shoes for my child. She was tying her own shoes at 3 years old.

She always LOVED helping me out with household chores when she was younger. However, getting a 19 year old prima dona to pick clothes up off the floor and keep her room clean is a different story. I guess that’s why she moved down into the basement so I don’t have to see her mess and fuss at her….I don’t know where she got the lazy gene, but she got it alright….

DEWSTARPATH

September 29th, 2010
12:58 pm

- Electronic devices have quickly become the scapegoat
for every failure by individuals to grasp the concept of basic
common sense and self reliance that actually has been
eviscerated because parents won’t raise their children.
They’re either too busy with their own lives or caught up
in some entertainment – related distraction.
If kids can’t tie their own shoelaces, what does this have
to do with technology ? Isn’t it the job of the PARENTS to
teach them ? If we go on the Internet (to a website like the
AJC) and blame technology for something we should be doing
ourselves, isn’t that a colossal incident of HYPOCRISY ?

Ronda

September 29th, 2010
1:14 pm

I was with you until you said this “This may be opening a can of worms but I think that kids who go to day care learn how to zip their jackets, tie their shoes, put on the skates and wipe their bottoms sooner”

That should be kids that go to qualified program with curriculum and standards and highly involved parents. That would be Headstart and PreK. Daycares often do not teach those skills and pass it on to school teachers to do. Why? Who knows.

We are feeling the dropout echo…we are raising a generation of children who think its easier to just give up, move on and quit. There is not push through or roughing it mentality. That’s why we have a trend of job hopping. Its not really about salary but about getting tired of doing the work and wanting to do something fun and new. When did we decide it was better for our children if we just “did it for them?”

shaggy

September 29th, 2010
1:26 pm

It is really very simple. Teach your children, and they will learn. Don’t teach them, and they will still learn…learn that you are mostly worthless to them, so they will seek their answers elsewhere, perhaps bad elsewheres.

You don’t want to be their friend. You want to be their parent. I am thankful to this day that my parents weren’t my friends. I love them for that, even though I (like all of my “friends) was at war with them. We kids lost that war, thank God.
They made an environment for me that made me learn, or else. Pretty soon, I realized in my kid mind, that I was enjoying learning about all kinds of stuff. It continues to this very day.
For opening cans, I use a a can opener that is on my Swiss Army knife. The best there is. My wife insists that I open all cans with it. Cleaner, faster, and more fun. My dad was an Army Sargent and taught me that one.
See, it works. Dad taught. I listened.

DEWSTARPATH

September 29th, 2010
1:28 pm

abc – September 29th, 2010
10:28 am

“A boy should know how to tie a necktie
by the time he’s 12 years old. If in Boy Scouts,
he could learn it there”.

– Actually, “abc”, I was in Army JROTC, and a
Boy Scout. The Scouts use ‘neckerchiefs’ – not
‘neckties’ like JROTC. The difference is the
neckerchiefs use a ring-like collar with the
Boy Scout emblem (I forget what it’s called)
to clasp the cloth around the neck.

“FCM” & “TechMom” –

– Small world ! I guess the greater percentage
of kids learned how to tie a tie in JROTC the way
we did. I also learned how to shoot a rifle
(.22 ca. – years before Columbine), and took my
first ride on a Vietnam – era UH-1 Huey helicopter.

on that last note:

– I’m somewhat dismayed by the use of the term
“helicopter parent”. I know it shouldn’t bother
me – but it trivializes what helicopter pilots do,
IMO.
I prefer a more fitting analogy for over-attentive
adults raising children:
– “Puppeteer Parents”.

Bunch of Yentas

September 29th, 2010
1:33 pm

Just for the record, electric can openers are pretty gross. I mean, the blade cuts into your soup, or whatever, and you know you don’t really scrub that blade. So the food just rots on it. When you use a hand held one, you can throw it in teh dishwasher.

Alfire

September 29th, 2010
1:39 pm

I have worked as a researcher for many years at many Universities, what amazes me is the minute students walk out of class, everyone is on their cell phone! Who are they calling at 10am? When I was in college none of my classmates, fraternity brothers, girlfriends would want to talk to me then… about nothing! Hell, I saw 4 guys walk into Panera with 4 girls and every single one of them was on their cell phone… was current company not enough? Is it no longer cool to talk with the physical person in front of you rather than someone distant on the phone?

American Mother

September 29th, 2010
1:40 pm

Guess a Rotary Phone would really throw them!!!

Come On -Parents – TEACH your children well!!!

JATL

September 29th, 2010
1:40 pm

Thanks JOD! And thank you to all who brought up 5 year olds in strollers! My husband and I are constantly in disbelief at this issue. If your kid has to hold up his legs to keep them from dragging the ground, he’s TOO OLD for a stroller! I have a 4.5 year old and my two exceptions are 1 -if we’re at a music festival at night (after he’s been running around and dancing all day) he can get on his side next to his brother, recline and go to sleep so we can stay and listen to more music or 2 -if I’m actually motivated enough these days to go for a long walk or jog. I let him run first, and when he’s tired he can hop in because we would go very far if he had to run the whole way and keep up with me. Pushing him, his brother and the huge stroller actually adds a great deal to my workout!

Regarding lawn mowing and summer jobs -I can’t wait until my 2 are old enough to not only push mow our lawn, but the neigborhoods’ as well! Right now I am amazed at how much and how many people pay derelicts who cruise our n’hood with (probably stolen) mowers all summer. My kids will make a fortune when the neighbors see well-known neighbor kids showing up with our own mower.

I see so many commenting on the grown kids living with parents who still do everything for them. I have two cousins like this! They are late teen and early 20s and they live at home with no driver’s license, no jobs, no skills or anything! Mommy does it all! It makes me want to scream to see this.

American Mother

September 29th, 2010
1:42 pm

MY electric can opener blade is CLEAN – it comes OFF for a reason!!!!

DEWSTARPATH

September 29th, 2010
1:42 pm

Ronda — September 29th, 2010
1:14 pm

“We are feeling the dropout echo…we are raising
a generation of children who think its easier to
just give up, move on and quit. There is (not)
push through or roughing it mentality. That’s why we
have a trend of job hopping. Its not really about
salary but about getting tired of doing the work and
wanting to do something fun and new.”

Ronda – you hit the point right on the money!
That negative work ethic is what lies in store for
children of the type described in this ‘Momania’
forum discussion.
I’ve seen it up close – as a temp worker in the early
90’s. We would start out as temps, and then get hired
on later for several years until the job was phased out
or the assignment was complete. But it was also a
period where a high rate of turnover existed among other
temp workers I was supervising.
The ephemeral nature of work in this country is one of
the factors in the current economic slowdown and the
accumulation of ‘things’ – including DEBT. Great post.

Sue Jenkins

September 29th, 2010
1:43 pm

No, they are not stupid but ignorant of how to do some things. And yes, it is probably due to parents being in too much of a hurry to teach their children these skills. I remember teaching all four of mine to tie their shoes by age 3. I made cleaning their rooms a game. Each started out with one small chore to do each day that help others in the house. Other chores were added as they got older. Now as adults they all know how to cook, clean house and yard work and do their own laundry.

Toby

September 29th, 2010
1:50 pm

I think childrens’ lack of ability when using mechanical devices has nothing to do with electronics per se but everything to do with alternative methods that are now available (e.g., velcro straps on shoes instead of laces).

Parents should teach their children how to accomplish simple tasks themselves, but if there are other means available, is it really that important that they learn outdated, traditional methods of doing things? Probably not.

Duff

September 29th, 2010
1:55 pm

I don’t know about the rest of you but I can certainly admit that advancements in technology have kept me from learning how to do things my parents and grandparents know how to do. Things like make my own clothing, grow my own food, hand wash dishes, use the Duey decimal system, navigate a horse drawn carriage, shave with a straight razor in a river, repair a steam engine, make a sun dial, tune a piano using a tuning fork… etc..

If you think society is getting dumber or knows less in time you are the one that is mentally challenged. These kids that can’t tie their shoe laces by second grade are writing computer programs by 3rd grade.

Jane

September 29th, 2010
1:55 pm

Some engineering majors at Georgia Tech don’t know how to properly wash dishes unless the dishes are in a machine with a button that says “wash.” Just imagine these engineers in the laundry room.

C Taylor

September 29th, 2010
1:57 pm

I would have to say YES! I feel like we have handicapped our children these days. In an effort to not be like our parents. I remind my friends that we turned out okay. I will admit that I am a bit of a helicopter Mom but I remind my kids that I expect them to be competent adults.
I realize in my effort that my eldest child lacks motivation. I don’t know why but I try to think of common things to spark a “think outside of the box” mentality in him. If we all spent more time challenging our children and pushing them to think things out instead of the easy way out or worse, the parents doing it the US would be a better place 20 years from now.

smitty

September 29th, 2010
1:58 pm

Great column, not sure if they are all nincompoops, just parents who don’t always think about what they might need to teach their kids. There is so much knowledge that adults have that we take for granted until we are questioned how to do something by our kids.

For example, I was once approached by a girl (18-20 years old) at a gas station on 316. Her tire had gone flat and she did not know how to change a tire. She just went to the first stranger at a gas station (me) and asked if I could help her change her tire. I gave her a ride back to her car and changed her tire for her. She was very lucky that I wasn’t some serial killer or evil person as she proceeded to put her life in the hands of a complete stranger because she had no clue how to change a tire.

Parents, make sure your daughters, not just your sons, know a minimal amount of car repair. Their safety could one day depend on it.

SirReal

September 29th, 2010
2:01 pm

No, I would say collectively we’ve just become a lot more docile and in doing so, its affected the next generation. I could not imagine some of the things mentioned in this article. There has to be a point where someone has to learn basic human skills. This technology has made us more dependant and robotic. I have to make sure my 1 year old will know how to tie her shoes, etc and will be potty trained after age 2. As far as teens, now thats just being lackadaisical. They are more than competent and at some point you cant blame your parents b/c you’re now old enough to teach yourself. I feel bad for the next generation as we move even closer to dependance on technology and possessing a “pass the buck” mentality….

Deal

September 29th, 2010
2:05 pm

If you vote for Barnes then he’ll make it illegal for children to tie their own shoes. I’ll make it a Law that all must children must tie their own shoes.

It’s all about American Values and I’m the man for that.

Red

September 29th, 2010
2:13 pm

Parents should teach their kids regarding problem-solving and decision-making. If a child encounters a task they feel is impossible, then parents should teach the child how to solve it instead of letting it go. Applicable from such simple things as opening a can to running a company.

Bunch of Yentas

September 29th, 2010
2:14 pm

Its a pace of life issue as much as anything else.

We are all so busy. Both parents working 40+ hours, little league, school functions, homework, ect…

Its difficult to slow down long enough to let the kid do something that will take him 5 minutes when you can do it in 5 seconds.

We should all slow down.

Claire

September 29th, 2010
2:15 pm

@ Toby: What are your thoughts about the fact that many school systems no longer teach cursive? It is considered to be outdated. Soon, any kind of handwriting will go, too. How are they supposed to sign their name? Print? Sometimes it’s good to know outdated things. Technology can fail, sometimes.

Wayne

September 29th, 2010
2:19 pm

I have to laugh about the car seat comment. I have 4 of those car seats. I’m not thrilled about it but my wife feels more secure with them. My sons are 4 and 7. I say, let’s use boosters, and I get the “what, you don’t want your kids to be safe while in the car” argument. Oy. We’re usually the last to leave to go anywhere because we spend more time buckling up the kids than anything else.

Becky

September 29th, 2010
2:19 pm

@American Mother..My two are 8 years old and tjye can use a rotary phone(see earlier post)…

@Duff, you are right..Things that we grew up with as basics, kids today have no need for..My 2 hate it that the other kids at their school don’t know who Alvin York is, they’ve never seen Old Yeller and none of them have ever heard of the Titanic..My 2 know all about these things..

As I said earlier, the girl loves to cook..She can make biscuits from scratch..Yes, she needs a little help, but she can do it..

I can change tires on a car and I know how to check all of the fluids on my car..When any of the lights go out on it, I’m the one that replaces them, not my husband..I expect that my two will learn some basics for car maintaince when they get older..

JJ

September 29th, 2010
2:39 pm

I had to learn how to change a tire, and check the oil, etc before my father would let me get my driver’s license.

Now, I know A LOT about cars…..and can hold my own with my mechanic. I bought my daughter a car this past summer, and the guy who sold it to us was blown away with my knowledge of motor engines.

I also think all kids need physical labor in their lives. As a punishment for sneaking out of the house at 2:30 in the morning (she was 13), I made my daughter rake the entire back yard and bag up the leaves, and get it all to the curb. My friend was over, and we were watching my daughter from the kitchen window. My friend said “You really should get a leaf blower, she’s really struggling out there”. I replied “I have one in the garage but that won’t teach her a lesson.”

Physical labor as a punishment works wonders. My daughter NEVER snuck out of the house again.

There is ABSOLUTELY no reason for a teenager not knowing how to mow a lawn. I started mowing when I was 8. We also had to shovel the driveway and sidewalks when it snowed, and in Colorado it really snowed. We had to shovel practically every day!!!!

Stephanie

September 29th, 2010
2:41 pm

Children learn what we allow them to learn and whatever they are exposed to. We always went to the pool as a family when my kids were growing up, my oldest learned how to swim just by watching others. Lessons did not cost me a dime. When my youngest was about 10, he came in and asked me for a snack. At that time we had maintenance being done on our home, he came in and asked twice. Within 20 minutes the maintenance people were gone and the chicken nuggets were cooling on top of the oven on the baking sheet. Yep, he cooked them all by himself. Even taught my future “debit carders” them both how to write a check as soon as they turned 16. They learn so much by seeing and being exposed. We have taught our children how to deal with the basics in living, just because this house has all the modern conveniences does not mean that theirs will!!! My mom always raised us with one thought, “If I she died tomorrow how would we survive?” Of course we would be taken care of, but she always wanted us to be as independent as possible. I raise my children with the same thought in mind!!!

DEWSTARPATH

September 29th, 2010
2:45 pm

Duff — September 29th, 2010
1:55 pm

“Things like make my own clothing, grow my own food,
hand wash dishes, use the Duey decimal system,… etc..”

– The Dewey Decimal System is just a list of library
books classified by ‘decimal’ numbers, like offices
in a building:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dewey_decimal_system

“These kids that can’t tie their shoe laces by second grade
are writing computer programs by 3rd grade.”

– An ancient Chinese philosopher had a saying:
“To hear the clap of thunder is no test of the ears”.
With all of the free ‘downloadable’ programs on the Internet
that take compiled languages and ‘converts’ them into
point-and-click objects that can be ‘cut’ and ‘pasted’
in an editing browser environment, any kindergartener
can write an application involving a few dozen lines
of code. That’s why there’s a billion applications on
the Internet – it’s not hard to do.
If they can use a welding torch and build their own
electronics, that might impress me.

Bunch of Yentas

September 29th, 2010
2:47 pm

Becky, Im 34 and I don’t know who Alvin York is?

Kate

September 29th, 2010
2:56 pm

Good point Duff! I know plenty of adults who are oblivious to technology and insist on doing everything “old school,” so it goes both ways. My husband’s grandmother refuses to use a dishwasher. My mother in law, who is far from elderly, has no idea how to use an ATM or a debit card, refuses to order anything online and has to have A LOT of help operating her cell phone. So what if my kid doesn’t know how to operate a rotary phone? I probably couldn’t either since I haven’t seen one since I was 6!

Wayne

September 29th, 2010
3:10 pm

@dewstar: I’m missing your point on the DDS. Have you ever used it? Just curious as to what your point was.

TechMom

September 29th, 2010
3:11 pm

@ Becky, I’m with @Bunch of Yentas- I just googled Alvin York to find out who is was. What does he have to do with today’s topic?

Becky

September 29th, 2010
3:13 pm

@Bunch of Yentas..Sgt.Alvin C York, is the most decorated soilder of WW1..I guess a lot of people don’t know who he is, he passed away in 1964..We have visited the town where he was born, have seen his house and grave site..They loved it..

They also know who the Wright Brothers are and as with Alvin York, they are upset that most of the kids in their class don’t know who they are..We try to give them a diverse learning on things..

TechMom

September 29th, 2010
3:20 pm

Since we do live in the land of the electronic everything, we got our son a checking account with a debit card. His allowance goes straight into his account and he has to either use his debit card or take out cash for whatever he needs. The plus side- he’s saving a lot more than he did before. I’ve also showed him how to balance his account in Quicken and he has an application on his iPhone from the bank to be able to check his transactions and balance. I haven’t kept a manual check register in years and certainly don’t expect him to either but I do feel like I’m teaching him the skills he needs to be able to function in today’s world… even if he could care less half the time. My husband was never taught how to balance a checkbook and since I took that task on when we were first living together, there’s probably no hope of ever giving it back to him. I also pay all the bills and do our taxes. I did make him sit down and attempt our taxes last year. I ended up going back through and revising/correcting things but at least he got an appreciation for it and quit asking me when I was going to file.

Becky

September 29th, 2010
3:20 pm

@TechMom..It has nothing to do with todays topic..It’s just that children only tend to learn stuff from today..Like Duff said, times have changed and we didn’t learn things that were needed to know that our parents and grandparents knew growing up..

Gamecock80

September 29th, 2010
3:30 pm

The other day i stopped by a Sonic and ordered. The total came to $8.95. When the order was delivered the teenager habded it to me with the receipt attached. I know Sonic prints out on the receipt the amount of change needed to make a dollar, so it said 5 cents. I handed her 9 dollars. The girl stood there for a bit and I could see she was thinking really hard. Finally she said here is your change, 15 cents. I told he no the change was actually 5 cents and handed her back the dime. She looked at me like I had no sence and said no the change from $9.00 for an order of $8.95 is 15 cents. With cars lined up behind me I said fine keep the dime. I can’t bel;ieve that a teenager cannot make change. My 3 kids all were taught how to make change in elementary school. And both of my son’s were taught how to tie a tie by the age of 9 or 10. And when I was working on the car, I made them watch and help just like my Dad did with me. And I agree this generation is going to be really bad off as they age.

JJ

September 29th, 2010
3:42 pm

Kids are way more interested in celebrities than how to open a can of chow….How true is this…..posted on Facebook by my ex brother in law:

Lindsay Lohan, 24, is all over the news because she’s a celebrity drug addict. While Justin Allen 23, Brett Linley 29, Matthew Weikert 29, Justus Bartett 27, Dave Santos 21, Chase Stanley 21, Jesse Reed 26, Matthew Johnson 21, Zachary Fisher 24, Brandon King 23, Christopher Goeke 23, and Sheldon Tate 27 are all Marines… that gave their lives this week, no media mention.

Wayne

September 29th, 2010
3:45 pm

I’m with you JJ. Strange world we live in. Interesting: from one end of the spectrum to ‘nother. Lindsay Lohan to Johnny Depp – who, whenever he passes a homeless person, gives them $20.

Still no mention of those that gave all.

Becky

September 29th, 2010
3:47 pm

@Wayne..I didn’t know that about Johnny Depp..It’s good to learn something new every day…

Mrs. G

September 29th, 2010
3:54 pm

My mom told me that my dad didn’t do his own laundry when she met him (he was in his mid-twenties); she said something about jeans and tighty-whities accompanying his suits to the cleaners. I giggle about that. My mom has always done the laundry and I honestly don’t know that my dad knows how to use a washer and dryer. My ex-boyfriend didn’t know, either; we lived together and I did our laundry (mainly because it was easier to combine our clothes to make full loads and I didn’t trust him with some of my more delicate items, LOL), when I went out of town, he had me write out instructions with what setting to wash different items on and how much detergent to use (since the detergent doesn’t come with instructions or anything). My husband, though, knows how to do laundry (he came trained, haha) and is happy to do it.

I think that every generation has “nincompoops” that don’t know how to do basic things, not just the generation that is coming of age now.

HB

September 29th, 2010
4:17 pm

I’m all for all drivers knowing how to change tires, but don’t necessarily count on that working when the time comes. I know how, can work the jack, etc, but both times I’ve had a flat I had to get someone to help me because getting lugnuts off that were put on by a power tool rather than just a guy with a wrench is dang near impossible. In my case, it involved standing and bouncing on the lug wrench and I had to find helpers just to lend extra weight! So teach your children well, but sign them up for AAA too.

deidre_NC

September 29th, 2010
4:21 pm

photius said ‘Give a child everything of what they need…. Give them only some of what they want.’ the problem with that is that most people cant differentiate between wants and needs.

deidre_NC

September 29th, 2010
4:23 pm

HB–we have roadside assistance (that covers everything you can think of including hotels and food in case of breakdowns on a trip) that is a lot less expensive than AAA. i had AAA for years until my insurance started carrying it so much cheaper. check your out-i had no idea mine had it until i was making some changes in my policies.

kris

September 29th, 2010
4:41 pm

to JJ at 3:42 – So sad, yet so true. The things some people think are so important . . .
God bless those brave young adults who gave all!

HB

September 29th, 2010
4:43 pm

Thanks, deidre_NC! I’ll check around for a better deal.

shaggy

September 29th, 2010
5:03 pm

JJ

You didn’t just hit the nail on the head, you drove that sucker clear to China.

Jake

September 29th, 2010
5:16 pm

Yes, we are raising kids that don’t have common sense and they are lazy as well. We’re also raising kids that don’t have manners; I guess that’s expected though since their parents don’t have them either. More and more when I’m out shopping, I hear kids scream as they roll around on the floor while having a tantrum. The parents act as if they don’t hear them. Most of the teens will run right into you because they are texting.

AtlantaFan

September 29th, 2010
5:30 pm

My college-aged daughter and son can do most anything that I as a parent do. Most tasks they learned from us as parents, but being a Girl Scout or Boy Scout for 12 years reinforced many life-skills for both of them. As a Girl Scout leader, I spent a great deal of time teaching other people’s children how to cook, basic car repair and maintenance, home maintenance, money management, and many other skills they will use throughout their lives.

motherjanegoose

September 29th, 2010
5:47 pm

deirde….good point. We have AAA and although I can change a tire, I will not. Too dangerous.
I do not want my kids doing it either, unless there are no other options. On a country road…fine…in metro Atlanta not so much. My husband insisted on changing my tire ( he hit some road debris and the tire blew) right on I85 and Sugarloaf. We had to take all my stuff out of the trunk. Cars were whizzing by us and blowing their horns too…it was not fun. I closed my eyes!

I once heard that if you tie your roadside coverage to your auto insurance and have too many claims…they will cancel you on your auto policy. We will go for years with no calls and then have 3 in 6 months. So I hesitate to switch. Does anyone know?

Fred

September 29th, 2010
5:53 pm

Theresa Hyphenated person: You explained your own situation yourself. Either you are a helicopter mother who wants to do everything for your children, or you are too “busy” or lazy to let them do anything for themselves. Well you explained the first scenario, not the second. Advocating daycare is just plain stupid. I didn’t have children so some minimum wage person could raise them at some barely healthy place of business. You can kiss my fat white hairy ass on that one.

It takes TIME to raise a child, not a village like Hitlery wrote. It is SO frustrating sometimes, but it’s necessary. Yeah, I could zip my daughters jacket faster than she could, but SHE wanted to zip it. I encouraged that. Yeah, sometimes the clock was ticking, but NOTHING was more important than she is.

Kids are little scientists, you either have forgotten that or never knew it. They want to experiment, test everything. Even as babies. There they are, sitting in their playpen. They wonder……… what happens if I throw this toy out? SO they do. Oh no. I don’t have this toy. They cry (it’s all they can do at this point). You go get it for them. SO they do it again. Will she go get it again if I cry? Let’s see………… Pretty soon, one of two things happens. Either they train you to go fetch like a freaking dog, or they learn that if they throw their toys out of the playpen, they have no toys. It’s really not that hard Ms. Hyphenated person.

Don’t paint my child with the broad strokes of your own inadequacies. My daughter is 8 and off hand, I can’t think of anything she can’t do that one should reasonably expect an 8 year old to do. Maybe getting ice out of an ice tray. Those haven’t really been in use for over 20 years so I’m not too worried on that score though. I’ll go out and see if I can find one somewhere and test her on it though. It will be interesting………..

What a sad state of affairs we find ourselves in because in today’s society, it’s beneath mommy’s dignity to stay home with the children rather than work and if daddy does he’s a dead beat sucking of his wife. And then there are the helicopter mom’s……….

mom of 3

September 29th, 2010
5:54 pm

I made sure my daughters had roadside asst attached to their cell phone bills. That way even if they are just a passenger they can still call and get help since it’s tied to the phone and not to automobile.
My youngest didn’t know how to wash clothes until high school but that was because she traded chores with siblings to do her laundry and she would do something of theirs. It just depends on how independent you want to raise your children to be – that’s the bottom line.

Tuckergirl

September 29th, 2010
6:05 pm

Not knowing how to tie a tie is very common. Most events don’t require formal attire and even when they do, the request is often ignored or forgotten.

I remember that the father of one of my friends worked at Penney’s in the men’s department. A young man came in, maybe in his late teens. The kids was looking for a suit and tie. My friend’s father helped him as the kid had no clue. Then he had to teach him how to tie the tie. My friend’s father asked him why he needed the suit and tie and the kid said, “I’m sorry I seem so clueless. My father’s funeral is tomorrow and I never learned how to tie a tie.” Made me cry, it was so sad.

Stewart Baker

September 29th, 2010
7:16 pm

About cooking corn in the husk. I am 79 and always do it that way. Run the cob under a tap to get moisture into the leaves. Nuke for three minutes max. Best corn ever.

dkmom

September 29th, 2010
7:21 pm

I wanted my girls to be able to take care of themselves, so I made a list of things Everybody Needs To Know. This included not just cooking, sewing, laundry, cleaning, but mowing the lawn, clearing drain clogs, and mowing the lawn.

My mother in law taught my husband basic cooking, laundry and hand sewing for the same reason. Came in right handy in college. My dad taught me to change a tire, change the oil, change air filter, etc because he said I shouldn’t drive a car if I didn’t know how. I taught my girls the same thing – just so they don’t have to say to someone “It’s making a funny noise/smells funny/ steers funny”. I wanted them to sound a little intelligent. I taught them to check air pressure and inflate tires before every long trip, too, because I didn’t want to have to worry. However, I am in agreement about their not trying to change a tire in Atl. Bad idea – they can’t remove a machine-tightened lug not, and neither can I. They both have AAA.

They have had checking accounts since they were 14 and balance their checkbooks (or learn why they should when they don’t). They have credit cards too (added them to one of mine so I CAN look if I want to).

Now that they are in college, I am learning to let them do harder stuff. Both of them are learning valuable lessons in negotiating the bureaucracy of Res Services, the Registrar, the Bursar and Financial Aid. I’m only a phone call away if they need advice or backup, but I’m really proud that they do it on their own. Hopefully, they come out of it able to lease an apartment, keep themselves fed and dressed, fill out forms, get to work on time, and find the right person when they need something.

dkmom

September 29th, 2010
7:21 pm

Oh, yeah, I can tie a tie, too, and so can they.

deidre_NC

September 29th, 2010
7:22 pm

mjg–i read somewhere that even your usage of AAA can cause insurance rates to go up. my daughter has killed her car 4 times running over danged rock slides ( her car is very very low to the ground) and its been $1200 to $1600 everytime we claimed and so far no rise in rates-we have accident forgiveness for claims under a certain amount of $$, because i have a perfect record and been with the company forever etc…now..if and when she gets her own insurance its not gonna be pretty. my kids can change tires but i made sure they know how to safely do it and if it cant be done safely then call someone…people get run over on highways working on cars..where we live isnt too bad in most areas…she goes to atlanta a lot to visit and shop…so i make sure she knows all the safety rules. shes pretty savvy for an 18 yo hillbilly girl :)…ive made dang sure of it…lol

Valstake

September 29th, 2010
7:39 pm

@JJ, I know your ex brother-in-law who posted on FB about the celebrities. As a MLS librarian, I know both the Dewey and LC classification systems, as a college graduate with a double major in both history and geography I have tons of what many would consider “useless” knowledge which has, at times, greatly helped me in life. I also use that technology that is useful to me – why would I master that which I don’t need? Since I know how to operate in the pre-tech world, I’m fine during power failures, which the tech dependent might not be. Parents, teach your children as much as they can, or want to learn. Everything is useful, everything.

Tweets that mention Are we raising a generation of nincompoops? | Momania: A Blog for Busy Moms -- Topsy.com

September 29th, 2010
7:50 pm

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Deesha P and Lisa T. Richardson, Chris Wells. Chris Wells said: Then you get awesome articles like this gem http://digs.by/9CIPFV. Go Idiocracy! Go! [...]

34

September 29th, 2010
7:51 pm

I can understand kids not knowing how to do SOME of this stuff…but how do you send a kid to college without showing him how to use a washer and dryer?

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September 29th, 2010
8:13 pm

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Harold

September 29th, 2010
9:13 pm

SHAGGY and Fred—Well said friends!

If CHILDREN (a kid is a baby got just in case no one knew) that go to daycare can do all of these things sooner out of necessity, then that ought to teach the “parent/s” something. Our job as parents is to teach/train/guide/direct our children. I have three children that we home-school. Actually only the older two are home-schooled right now as the youngest is just a year old. However both of the older siblings bathe, feed, change diapers and play with the baby. The oldest is nine, and on top of doing her daily chores of taking care of pets and cleaning her room, also does laundry and keeps the main living area clean. Oh yeah, and she also helps mother in the kitchen from time to time by stepping in and cooking breakfast and supper, which actually involves her reading the cookbook and following directions! My middle child also helps keep her room clean, as well as the main living area and the kitchen…she is seven. What it all boils down to is that the priorities of “parents” these days are manicures/pedicures, golf/football, work, facebook, ipods, or whatever technological advances they have in their possessions. Just listen to the way children and adults talk these days. Most people I know cannot say a sentence without saying “It’s just like…” Our country is full of idiots and it is only going to get worse with time. Oh, and just for the record, I work one job making $18/hour. My wife stays home to raise our children as they are our priority. I am currently attempting to go back to school…Law School, after having graduated college almost 13 years ago. And BOTH of my daughters can get ice out of our ice trays (our refrigerator does not currently have an ice maker)!

YesTheyAre

September 29th, 2010
9:14 pm

Excellent Article. Can your kid tie their shoes? The answer: NO! It amazes me that my friend’s four year old son can play video games, but yet can’t tie his own shoes?

I’m 32 with no children and anti-facebook. Your welcome. Anyways, my mom laid down the law at our house. My brother and I had eighteen rules to abide by and we did our own laundry starting at age ten. Our doors were removed if slammed (learned that lesson quickly), we were given cooking lessons at age eleven and if we didn’t finish our dinner it was served to us the next morning. A big one with my mom was the word “bored”. There was/is no such word in her vocab; “there’s always something to do”. “Bored” was NEVER said in her house..unless you wanted to spend hours cleaning or weeding the yard. During the summer (starting in sixth grade) my mom would make me work at my dad’s office answering phones to earn my money for school clothes. Oh.. and I worked during the winter basketball season starting in sixth grade too. Child labor laws have since changed. Too bad. Seriously.

My friends are lazy, selfish parents. I spend more time teaching their children how to take care of themselves both physically and mentally than they care to know. “Oh, thanks so much for taking __ out and teaching him to tie his shoes.” It saddens me to think that yes, these are a bunch of freaking morons, raising a bunch of hindered morons! My friend’s kids have no idea how to do laundry, how to fix anything besides a broken spinner on youtube, and are just generally inept at some of the most important basic life skills.

This article is like the Emperor Wears No Clothes and Beth Harpaz is the little boy. Now everyone can see that this upcoming generation is far beyond “Clueless”.

GradyGram

September 29th, 2010
9:25 pm

Self-sufficiency is the one of the best things you can teach your children. Most of the country would be totally lost in the event of a major power grid failure. Technology is wonderful…but what would you do without it? Could you survive? Basic living skills will never be wasted, and could indeed be life saving at some point. But it has always been true…only the strong will survive. And the strongest are those who have been taught to take care of theirselves, no matter what the circumstances are. I used the scenarios with my own children and now I say the things to my grandsons…What would you do if (fill in the blank) happened? Always good teaching, and learning moments. Sometimes their answers are quite clever, lol.

penguinmom

September 29th, 2010
10:15 pm

I have tried very hard to make my kids do things themselves. I tell them on a regular basis that I won’t be around forever and even if I was, they aren’t going to live with us forever. So, they need to know how to wash clothes, load a dishwasher, cook, clean etc. All but the youngest can make at least one full meal and load/empty the dishwasher, clean the bathroom and run a load of clothes.

I will say that my oldest still doesn’t tie shoes. He ‘knows’ how but has managed to get velcro or elastic shoes for so long that he doesn’t practice it enough to get good at it. My daughter though, mastered this last year with her tap shoes so, I guess he can just get her to do it for him (or learn to do it himself it he is too embarrassed by that idea). I’ve already told him he needs to earn enough money to hire a valet when he is older.

Kids today are amazing on the computer. My youngest (6) was googling Claude Monet and Abraham Lincoln for a class he’s in. (It’s pretty funny to have your 6-year-old ask you how to spell Claude Monet) Plus, he knows how to download pictures from the web into different folders on his computer and can also program a little using a program called Gamemaker.

I do think parents need to make an effort to not do everything for their kids. It may seem like it is saving you time, but in the long run, it is actually costing you time when you don’t have an independent child who can do everything for themselves.

DB

September 29th, 2010
11:08 pm

@YesTheyAre: I had a “bordom box” in my kitchen (an old Kleenex box), and it was filled with about 100 little cards. Each card had a task on it: “Sort clothes,” “Dust living room,” “Sweep Deck,” etc. In about a 1-10 ratio there were a few “treats” in it, too: “Trip to Blockbuster for a movie!” or “Good for one game of ‘Sorry’ with Mom”.

If one of my kids whined, “I’m BORED”, the rule was they had to take a card from the box and do whatever was on it. They had a 1 in 10 chance of having something fun to do — so it wasn’t all punishment.

I had the box for about a month. I never heard “I’m BORED!” again! :-)

Jake

September 30th, 2010
12:05 am

GradyGram this is worth posting twice:

GradyGram
September 29th, 2010
9:25 pm
Self-sufficiency is the one of the best things you can teach your children. Most of the country would be totally lost in the event of a major power grid failure. Technology is wonderful…but what would you do without it? Could you survive? Basic living skills will never be wasted, and could indeed be life saving at some point. But it has always been true…only the strong will survive. And the strongest are those who have been taught to take care of theirselves, no matter what the circumstances are. I used the scenarios with my own children and now I say the things to my grandsons…What would you do if (fill in the blank) happened? Always good teaching, and learning moments. Sometimes their answers are quite clever, lol.

JJ

September 30th, 2010
7:45 am

Valstake – now my curiosity is up. Get my email from Theresa and contact me. I need to know who you are…LOL

YesTheyAre

September 30th, 2010
4:34 pm

@DB You would greatly appreciate my mom! My friend’s four year old was out of control. I explained to her that he was testing both of us and that she could put up with it, but I was done! I got in his face one night (my eyes are scary big when I’m not happy) and let him know that he was going to respect me, his mom and the new house rules. I let him know that the pouting faces went nowhere with me, and that crying was even worse. I’m sure it sounds like I’m the biggest bee on the planet, but his behavior changed after that conversation. I then sat down with my friend and went over the importance of rules, a time-out chair, and rewarding activities.

I am writing this in hopes that other parents out there will step up! Here’s how the four year old’s behavior turned around.

1. Rules of the House- The rules of the house were implemented first off. Rules were typed up and placed on the fridge, with another list on top of the fridge (to write more rules down on). There’s about eleven rules for this young person. He knows every single rule and loves them. PARENTS: make sure the rules are explained and gone over multiple times.

2. The time out chair- Although it is recommend to give time outs (each minute for the age) a 5 minute time out was implemented for this little four year old. He probably spent the first two weeks in the time out chair. After the rules were posted on the fridge, warnings were removed, and if the rules were broken, AUTOMATICALLY his little behind was in the time out chair. BTW parents, there is no talking when a child is in the time out chair. At certain times, however, I did explain (or mom did) to him why he was in the time out chair, and we discussed what he could have done to not EARN a time out. PARENTS: the use of the word “earn” is needed. A child either “earns” a time out or a reward.. they don’t “get it”. Not sure this will make sense to most parents, but it is key in starting behavioral changes.

3. THE POINT JAR- Since it is unfair to always punish a child and offer no reward for good behavior, the “point jar” was implemented in the daily routine. The “point jar” is a clear glass jar (with lid), placed in his sight (but out of reach), and the points are lol..poker chips (no value per color, all colors are one point). Activities that he enjoys were typed up and placed next to the rules. (I color coded the different number of points per activity). There are all different activities, some starting off at just 3 points (a special treat) up to 100 points for a new skateboard! His favorite thing to spend his points on is “game time” “movie time” or “a walk” with mom. (Yes it’s very cute). He even decides if an activity is worth more points! He loves to earn his points and his goal was to have a “time out” free day.. accomplished in just two weeks! He earned 5 points for a full day of no time outs! This awesome behavior has continued, with a time out being a rare occurrence. PARENTS.. it is important the activities list is larger than the rules; this helps the child see rewards first, giving positive motivation to obey the rules. It is also important to have the child place the point (a physical chip is much better than stars or tally marks) in the jar himself/herself. Points need to be given at the time they are earned (helps enforce the positive attitude).. so have points in your pocket and make it known you are carrying them …so the child gains motivation to earn them. At night, count the chips and go over what activities are available for the amount of chips. This system teaches counting, goal setting and responsible spending at a very young age.–The smile that reaches ear to ear when he earns a point is priceless!

4. Removing Commercials- My friend has had trouble in the past while shopping at the store with her son. She’s not the only one.. because I witness out of control children in stores on a daily basis. With her being a single mom and cable being very expensive, she opted for Netflix. This company offers all types of shows for young audiences WITHOUT commercials! She’s noticed a huge difference when taking him to the store (grocery or otherwise). He no longer asks for the treats loaded with sugar… or asks for anything unhealthy for that matter. (He is a heavy-set child; he started thinning out by not eating as much sugar). Also, he no longer desires toys or material objects; spending quality time with mom is much more important to him.

*My friend did end up giving her son a time out in the store. She told me he sat down in the designated time out spot, did his time, and then apologized for his behavior! She said the rest of the time was smooth sailing and she saved money not being distracted.

I hope this helps at least one parent out there, looking to change their child’s attitude and behavior. Thanks for reading my short novel and take care parents! I know it’s not an easy job and there’s no “how to raise a perfect child” handbook.. because they are all individuals. Good Luck!

JATL

October 1st, 2010
9:39 am

Here’s a hint for you parents who can’t seem to locate any “laced” shoes for your wee ones -Converse! My boys have been wearing Chuck Taylors since they were 1 and they make cute girls’ shoes too! They even have a whole line decorated like animals (although some of those are laceless). Most of these shoes have old-fashioned shoe laces,and my kids even like the fact that to easily get them on and off you have to unlace and re-lace, and that you can adjust the fit according to where you stop lacing. There are also plenty of hiking-type shoes and athletic shoes out there with laces, so buy some for your kids or get them some lacing cards and make them practice! Do you really want your kids to fit the saying, “Too dumb to tie his own shoes”?

Lor

October 1st, 2010
11:22 am

Thank God I am a nurse working shift work. My daughter never went to daycare she was always with me or my mom. The good thing is I was often too exhausted to do absolutely everything for her. She is 8 and knows how to do laundry can work a can opener and likes to surprise me with a cup of tea from time to time. She bought me a tea kettle as a gift realizing that’s what it would take if the hot water dispenser stopped working. She can bake a cake. C’mon people college kids who can’t do laundry. That’s just lazy! They don’t want to know ho to do their laundry. All they would have to do is Google it. They Google everything else that appeals to them if they want to figure it out.

saundra ann

October 1st, 2010
11:53 am

Kudos! Great article–long overdue for serious consideration. And, a portion of the responsibility for the “unawareness” belongs to the parent and the teacher. Susan Maushart mentions that her daughter does not know how to use a can opener. Did she, as a mother, show her daughter how to open a can of beans without a flip top? I taught my daughter how to tie her shoes, how to empty and fill ice cube trays, how to zip her jacket, and even how to use a can opener.

There are teens who cannot write their names in cursive. And, lo and behold, they hold a pencil like an ice pick. Where were the first grade teachers when penmanship was introduced–or, is it not part of the curriculum today? Sad, really sad.

Something to ponder: If darkness fell over the earth for an unknown period of time, would your teen be able to use a can opener and warm the beans over a fire they built? And, ask your teens if they know what a clothespin is, an icebox, or a slingshot–to name a few. Yes, we could go on and on and on.

rs woods

October 1st, 2010
12:25 pm

Next time you see your kids struggling with a neck tie, food storage device, or ice cube tray, tell them to consult Google. They probably know how to find information on it better than you do.

DEWSTARPATH

October 1st, 2010
1:18 pm

Wayne – September 29th, 2010
3:10 pm

“@dewstar: I’m missing your point on the DDS.
Have you ever used it? Just curious as to what your point was.”

– Hey, Wayne. To answer your question – Yes, I have used
Dewey – every time I go into a library, whether I’m at the
card catalog or in the stacks. And my point was that it’s easy
to use – gradeschoolers use it all the time.

Pauly

October 1st, 2010
2:03 pm

What a bunch of BS.

It’s not that our children are incapable of these tasks. It’s the fact that our generation has been too lazy to teach our children these tasks when the need arises.

Despite all claims to the contrary, our generation is definitely the most selfish generation. We blame the baby boomers for messing things up before we got here. Now we’re implying that our kids aren’t capable enough to handle tasks that need to be learned? God forbid we take any responsibility.

isrw

October 1st, 2010
3:25 pm

Almost all of the examples mentioned here are essentially about old technology. Sure, kids with automatic ice machines don’t know how to use an old-fashioned tray — but I’m pretty sure they and our writer would be equally challenged by the practical management of an old-fashioned ice box. The use of technologies, even simple ones, isn’t effortless or self-evident. If you’ve never used a hammer for any length of time you won’t know how to hold it to get a good stroke at the nail.

None of which is to say that one couldn’t make the general argument that kids are less independent at the moment, for various reasons. This article unfortunately didn’t do much of a job there. Maybe I’ll have my 17-year-old daughter, who’s getting a significantly better education than I got in High School, talk it over when she gets home this afternoon. It’ll have to wait, though, now that I think about it; she’s organizing a blood drive, and it’s taking up a lot of time she might otherwise have spent learning how to crack ice from a tray….

BB

October 3rd, 2010
9:43 am

It is a parent’s job to see that children are A) nurtured, B) safe, and C) raised to be responsible adults. Some parents forget about “C”. Yes, it takes time to teach children how to do things & patience to make them do it well. Parents must be parents. I speak from experience of raising 3 sons who all knew how to mow the lawn, do the laundry, clean the house, iron and tie their shoes before they left home. They are wonderful, contributing adults, which is what every parent should focus on when raising their children.

ScienceTeacher671

October 3rd, 2010
9:48 am

Don’t know if anyone has mentioned this or not, but you’d be amazed at how many high school students can’t tell time except on a digital clock.

cgatlanta

October 3rd, 2010
10:07 am

I’ll say it; your kids are stupid if they’re 7 and can’t tie their shoes. They’re stupid if they are a teenager and can’t use a can opener.

Stop making excuses for dumb people.

Prime

October 3rd, 2010
10:38 am

This is the same and ongoing question asked by each and every preceeding generation. Unfortunately, the answer is the same…YES! With each generation, there are great tools that make work more efficient so that there can be a better balance of time within the realms of the ‘work-life’. However, these advances may only serve to put mankind one step closer to losing it’s grip on the knowledge about our home planet. I’m fortunate to have had parents that cared enough to show me how to plant a garden, cook, perform rudimentary manual labor (cleaning, tying my shoes, using an ice tray, etc.). These were necessary because along with these tasks there was passed on an understanding at how this planet works as well.

Being a tutor, it’s often sad that my students are frustrated when we have a “no calculator” session. Now don’t get me wrong: we need numerical accuracy, but during a session in learning there is no crime against estimations (students have to develop a working knowledge of our number system). There is even a request by some students to do online session…not a bad idea, but what about the “AHA” moment that come from drawing a picture or the one tonal inflection that inspires a momentary, but great nonetheless, genius.

I’m not saying let’s all stick together in the dark ages, no, what I am saying is this: let’s take the time to explain how all of our advances connect back to the basic knowledge of our planet. The mind is like a muscle – failure to use it causes atrophy. Brain atrophy is the primary qualitatitive characteristic of a nincompoop.

THE BRAIN: USE IT OR LOSE IT!!!

LKS

October 3rd, 2010
12:23 pm

I think that some kids are not learning real life skills at home or at school possibly because their parents weren’t. This is a generation created from a generation that uses the “easy” button.
I think daycare kids may be able to do more but are being raised by someone other than their parents and kids who have a parent at home can be more coddled and sheltered possibly leading to an inability to master simple tasks. The largest problem is with the parents, whether they stay home or send their children to daycare. Kids are not an accessory. What they can or cannot do is a reflection upon the parents. Everybody has the ability to use their body and mind to the best of their ability, it is a choice whether you do or not.
We have taken away accountability and responsibilty from children. I do not advocate letting kids run amok and wild, but they need space to make mistakes. If they never have to do anything, what have they learned? Humans learn from mistakes and sometimes you have to try, try, try again. Schools are focused on teaching for passing grades on the CRCT. Parents who did not learn basic life skills are not able to teach them to their kids.
I guess I got lucky in the parent lottery and chose wisely in the husband contest. My parents did not ask to help me with things, they expected me to ask them. I had chores for which I was given an allowance. I had to buy things with my allownace that I wanted that my parents thought were silly or extras. They provided the basics and the rest was up to me. After a few times of wasting my money on silly things, I learned the value of a dollar. I had a great childhood with great memories. I even had a computer when they came out but never had cable until I installed it in my first apartment when I was 18 for college TV classes. I never missed out on anything important and I know my kids won’t either.
I have 2 kids, 6 and 4, who have great computer skills and other technical skills that are mandatory for their generation. The other things they have are self-reliance and self-respect. They can find their way out of a paper bag and then make a puppet out of it.
We have to allow our kids to fall down now and then, so they can learn to pick themselves up and dust off and hop back on the ride of life.

Francis

October 3rd, 2010
12:57 pm

Really?? You’re surprised that 10-year-old cannot use an ice tray? Quick, how many 30-year-olds can change a tire? What about change his/her oil? How many adults do you know actually use a dictionary rather than spellcheck? How many can multiply or divide fractions without the help of a calculator? Face it, we’re all getting dumber.

Ole Guy

October 3rd, 2010
1:24 pm

We can blame/attribute this level of incompetence to any number of things, from an over-reliance on technology to parental oversight in neglecting to teach the younguns. The sad truth is that kids are simply friqin stupid, lazy and unwilling to get down n’dirty with life’s daily chores. Let’s not go sugarcoating the picture by attributing this sad state of affairs to conditions which are, alas, out of kids’ realm of control.

The early introduction of technology has led kids to believe that the mere process of thinking is completely optional. While parents can blame themselves for being “helicopter parents”, the reality lies in the sad fact that kids choose to be “ostrich kids”, burying their heads in the sands of ignorance and non-curiosity. After all, do kids really need direct instruction in life’s chores? Kids must have always known how to employ fork, knife and spoon, otherwise they wouldn’t be so damn fat…kids must know how to start an automobile, engage the transmission, and navigate their way onto the road, otherwise they wouldn’t rate among the highest in auto fatalities, etc.

It all goes back to the discipline which is sadly lacking in kids’ lives. In its most-basic sense, discipline is nothing more than refined FEAR…the knowlege that a certain mode of behavior is not only expected but REQUIRED; the absence of that behavior WILL lead to unpleasant conditions. Momma mule never had to teach baby mule how to drink water. Baby mule simply “realized” that not getting up and going to the water hole would result in one of those unpleasant conditions…THIRST.

Historically, those species which failed to adapt to environmental conditions simply vanished. If these kids continue to rely upon others to do their biding; if these kids refuse to get down and dirty in tackling life’s daily demands, we’ll all wind up like the dinasaures.

kennesawmommy

October 3rd, 2010
1:29 pm

UMMMM, it’s parenting, mostly. I mean, yes, things are easier and technology is better now, but not teaching your child to tie his/her is your fault as a parent. when you notice that your teenager chooses not to eat something bc he/she cant use a CAN OPENER….well, duh, show them how! the article makes these parents seem lazy to me. technology is great but basic life skills are easy to teach if you are making ANY time for your children. i’d be embarrassed if i was quoted in this article. be a parent. kids arent nincompoops….the parents are MORONS.

kennesawmommy

October 3rd, 2010
1:30 pm

left off “shoe”….not teaching your child to tie his/her SHOE…oops

DLink

October 3rd, 2010
2:05 pm

“Her mother called 911 just as a precaution since she wasn’t sure how badly the girl was hurt and DFACS actually showed up at her house before the ambulance did!” – Kate

Wow… Just Wow.

Must fess up that as a teenager, an administrator pulled me aside (Female) and explained how to tuck my shirt into my underpants to keep it from bunching up at the waist. That was before the military and armed services took care of the rest, for the most part.

Following up with Kate’s comment: I know far too many people who’ve had neighbors call DFCS for revenge of some form or another.

Come on Son

October 5th, 2010
11:38 am

The point was made it was not about intelligence, I agree, but if kids are not given responsibilities, how are they are suppose to learn. I can not tell you how many kids are in my child’s Pre-K class that are still in pull-ups. It is a private pre-k, so they have at least one more year to get it learned. I would hate to think a parent will have to pay 10K-15K for a private kindergarten just because their little one is not toilet trained (of course we all understand the special needs situations).

Mad Russian

October 5th, 2010
11:45 am

As a teacher, I often find myself perplexed by the general lack of skills and the lack of common sense that teenagers seem to possess. Maybe graduating in 1993 from a rural school helped me but my parents definitely taught me about how to do my laundry, cook (which my wife is more than happy to have me do), and to have the willingness to attempt new tasks. Maybe that fact that my father was in the military helped and that my mom is a professional tailor. It seems that the idea of hard work (other than sitting at a computer) has been lost because we as a society have lowered our expectations and expect technology to solve the problem. Become obese, rely on pills or an operation rather than the hard work of exercise. I wish I could recount how many times parents have asked me to teach their child the basic skills of life. It seems that parenting has evolved into the idea that parents need to be cool and friends to their children rather than just being the parent. My parents were always my friends but as they raised me that held me to a standard of expectation and were willing to be the “bad” people when needed. Now that I’m older I do know how cool they are as people.

It’s not about knowing whether or not to tie a tie correctly, but just knowing the basics beyond how to use a cell phone or a computer. Learning to cook for one’s self teaches a person how to survive when money is scarce. When my wife had her job cut and couldn’t find work for eight months, we survived just fine because I cooked all the food (which turns out to be about an 80% cost reduction) and did more local oriented activities. When repairs need to be made to the house, we don’t need to call a repair person every time as we can do things ourselves. If this world comes to a crashing halt, the ones without the basic skills will be the ones that are most in need of help (and the most at risk for being taken advantage of) while those that can think on their feet and make decisions will be able to adjust and survive. It may also be derived from the innate fear people have of their children getting dirty or sick since society has conditioned us to be afraid of so many things that have a near zero chance of affecting us, therefore resulting in our next generation being less likely to have those basic skills.

Technology, from my perspective, is one of the reasons why so many people have become lazy, sick, and obese because it caters to their reluctance to live life. The movie Wall-E provides a funny but realistic picture of humans if we continue to rely on technology to complete our daily chores.

Take your kids outside, make them roll around in a pile of leaves, walk the dog, pick up the poop with a plastic bag, and most of all, get them off of the television or computer so they can interact with people. In the end, they’ll learn all of the skills that they need to survive in this so-called brutal world.

Old School

October 5th, 2010
1:04 pm

We gave our girls and our nieces tool kits for high school graduation- not the wimpy pink girly kind but honest to goodness tool boxes with basic hand tools and assorted tapes and fasteners. Both our girls got power tools for Christmas from their uncle and since I was an Industrial Arts instructor and their dad an accomplished handyman, both learned how to use them quite capably. Our grandson is 5 and we’ve already started teaching him the basics.

We expected our girls to be able to take care of themselves in this uncertain world. That meant a good education, self-reliance, honesty, integrity, and the ability to put in a day’s work for a day’s pay. . . even when that day’s work was anything but easy. Both are happy, successful, and can handle most any challenge that comes their way.

I wonder how many young parents have the same expectations or set the same examples for their own children. I never bought into that empty nest syndrome that seems to afflict some of my friends. I was confident that my girls were prepared because I saw to it they were.