‘Sex parties:’ New way for parents to reveal sex of their baby
This undated photo provided by Megan Faulkner Brown, founder of the Utah-based bake shop The Sweet Tooth Fairy, shows a cake the bake shop made for an expectant Utah mother who wanted the gender of her baby to be revealed using cake. The mother gave a sealed envelope that contained a sheet of paper with the gender of her baby written on it to the bake shop. They saw the gender and dyed the cake batter pink. When the family made the first cut of the cake they found out they were having a baby girl. (AP Photo/The Sweet Tooth Fairy, Megan Faulkner Brown)
An AP writer, who is a friend of ours, wrote a story about how he and his wife found out and shared with their friends the gender of their first child – with a “sex party.”
Greg Bluestein and his wife Sheryl had the ultrasound technician write the gender on the baby’s picture and then stick it an envelope. A friend of theirs took the envelope to the grocery store where a baker created a cake with either pink or blue icing on the inside.
“Our guests started coming over that Saturday night around 7, and two shoes greeted them in our foyer. We asked them to write their names on a slip of paper and tuck it into my giant loafer if they think it’s a boy and Sheryl’s slender stiletto if they think it’s a girl. One lucky winner would take home a prize — a gag gift of baby oil brought by one of the guests.”
“Over the next few hours, about 50 friends gorged on a dozen pizzas and guzzled down some beer until it was time for dessert. Then we all gathered in our kitchen in front of the massive sheet cake, giving our guests a brief reminder of the import of the moment.”
“Anticipation mounted as we eyed the icing. We slowly cut into a cake, separating a piece.”
“I looked. Sheryl looked. I wasn’t quite sure. I checked again. She checked again.”
“Cheers echoed through the house as we saw the pink icing.”
“It’s a girl!”
Greg and his wife aren’t the only parents finding out this way. There are actually bakers that specialize in doing cakes this way. So it must be catching on.
I love the idea of sharing the gender of the baby with all your friends at once, and I love the suspense of having to cut into the cake to find out. But I don’t think I would want to find out in front of all my friends and family. I think I would want time to deal with the emotion of what I was having with my husband and not with an audience.
What do you guys think of the idea of the “sex party?” What do you think about finding out what the sex of the baby is in front of all your friends? What do you think about telling everyone together – not giving your parents preferential treatment? What do you think about using the secret icing to reveal the gender? (I think I would want to check the envelope again after cutting the cake just to make sure I didn’t have an overworked, mischievous, or dumb baker.)
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95 comments Add your comment
lakerat
August 30th, 2010
12:44 pm
Sorry, T, but I have to disagree that your friends are NOT self-centered when they planned this party – yes, bunches of people celebrate a kid’s first birthday, but you are not comparing apples to apples in this situation. You are truly celebrating a live being and the fact that they are alive.
While there can be pros and cons as to the fetus being at an appropriate age to determine the sex, is this an appropriate activity? Some have said yes; some have said no. In either case, it still screams LOOK AT ME, and IMHO, anytime you scream this you are self centered, no matter the situation.
BlondeHoney
August 30th, 2010
1:12 pm
BTW, don’t feed the David S troll…he never ever contributes anything meaningful to either this or the Get Schooled blog and is always negative. I’m surprised he didn’t somehow manage to drag in government schools into a sex party discussion. Lakerat, agree totally and Kate, love the analogy about likening knowing your baby’s sex is akin to opening your christmas presents early.
Rebecca
August 30th, 2010
1:17 pm
I am friends with the parents, was invited to attend the party, and had a blast! The fact that so many of you assume this party had selfish undertones just proves that you don’t know the individuals who threw it. This was a unique idea and an excuse to get together with family and friends and enjoy some time together. I am a single young adult without kids, and it never crossed my mind that this party was a narcistic act. Because I care about these two people, I also care about things that they value–i.e. the birth of their first child.
For all you negative people posting on this blog, you clearly don’t have close friends and family to share in life’s joys with you. Maybe you should stop criticising people’s personal decisions on the internet and go out and make real connections with real people!
David S
August 30th, 2010
1:26 pm
On safety – lots of linked articles:
http://www.alternamoms.com/ultrasound.html
BlondeHoney – Just because everyone is doing it does not make it smart or safe. These blogs need a contrarian since the herd of lemmings seems to have no problem running towards the cliff and everyone else is just cheering them on with their posts. I am happy to be that contrarian voice.
Michelle
August 30th, 2010
1:36 pm
If your friends were having a superbowl party, or summer party, welcome to spring party, etc. you would go right? So why not a party to join your friends in learning about the sex of their baby? From my understanding…it is a surprise to them as well! I think it would be fun to have your closest friends with you when you learn about the baby! It adds a little excitement for everyone and makes them feel like they were somehow a “part” of the celebration!
Kate
August 30th, 2010
1:40 pm
David S., You sound like a real barrel of laughs. If I ever have a sex party (of any kind) you are going to be the first my invite list! :)
Seriously, ultrasounds have been a standard procedure at most OB/GYN offices for about the last 15 years. Although, if you are far enough along, they can usually tell the sex of the baby, that isn’t their specific pupose. Ultrasounds are a very useful tool for Doctors to be able to diagnose things like heart defects and other serious problems. I agree having an unnecessary ultrasound for the sole purpose of finding out the sex of the baby is a dumb idea and not worth whatever minimal risk involved, but I really think people who do that are in the minority.
Rebecca, you’re a better woman than me. I would have found that party utterly vomit-inducing, even without the pizza and beer!
DarBlue
August 30th, 2010
1:44 pm
That idea awesome!
Johnny Reb
August 30th, 2010
1:50 pm
What a great idea! Greg and Sheryl are on to something! The rest of you are just jealous.
BlueDar
August 30th, 2010
1:55 pm
DarBlue,
You as stupid. Baby no make pink cake; san, ni ichi: XO!
Go back into horse u came from. Cake is yummy with choco icing, but choco = brown, no pink. no. no, BAD darblue BAD.
xo
BlueDar
Javetz
August 30th, 2010
1:58 pm
I am also friends of the family and I have a bad headache right about now, WHY MEEEEE :-(
time to have a coke … and a javetz :- /
eh
August 30th, 2010
2:10 pm
Sorry to be rude, but my care factor on the sex of someone else’s baby is pretty low.
I wonder if the father of the girl was able to hide the disappointment on his face when he saw the pink icing.
Hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but every man wants a little boy.
LK
August 30th, 2010
2:12 pm
Sounds like a fun idea, althought I’ve NEVER heard them call “Sex” parties. I’ve heard them called “Gender Reveal Parties.”
I see how people see this as self centered, but I just look at the basics – the couple is hosting dinner and no gifts are to be brought by the guests. Basically, they are throwing a dinner party and inviting some friends over. These same friends would have called the next day to say, “What are you having?” so they are telling everyone at once in a special way. They get no harsh judgment from me. Sounds sweet – and fun!
Sorry, Rebecca...
August 30th, 2010
2:13 pm
…we are not saying that we do not have “close friends and family to share in life’s joys with” – we are just saying that if you truly wanted to share a sex party to let everyone know the sex of the child (everyone knows you are having a child so why should we care about what sex it is) then you should REALLY have a “sex party” where your “close” friends participate in the sex part – now those would be really close friends.
And, Kate – you may be just a tad late to the “ultrasound” party – they have been around significantly longer than “about the last 15 years” – we had them for both of my kids (no, we did not learn the sex, just had them as a normal part of the pregancy routine) and my kids are now 25 and 22…
kat
August 30th, 2010
2:30 pm
I don’t get it – how do pink and blue tell anyone anything about the baby? How does everyone suddenly know at the very moment they see the inside of the cake? Are girl babies born with pink skin and boy babies with blue skin, so the cake is representative of the baby? Otherwise why would pink be representative of a girl and blue a boy? Why would you need to know whether the baby is a girl or a boy to buy or make it a Christmas stocking or some clothes? Does the baby already know when it’s born that it’s required to like only pink or only blue, or do the parents teach it that, and forbid it from wearing the other color under any circumstances? Why?
countrygirl
August 30th, 2010
2:32 pm
I think it is totally neat, but my husband and I waited until the moment of delivery! It was a really special time and we enjoyed our few moments together before we told our huge families. It was awesome! I think that if someone wants to do it this way, then that is their choice. It’s great either way.
BlondeHoney
August 30th, 2010
2:38 pm
If “it’s just a couple having friends over for a dinner party”…well, why DIDN’T they just have friends over for a dinner party? Why is this needed for an excuse? Just have a dinner party for pete’s sake :)
Carmen
August 30th, 2010
2:41 pm
I don’t get the big deal. Outside of Mom & Dad, and maybe grandparents…nobody really cares what sex your baby is. It’s a baby. People have them every day…have been for ages. Short of another excuse to eat cake and drink beer, why make a big fuss over it.
Warrior Woman
August 30th, 2010
2:46 pm
I personally wanted to be surprised at birth. On the other hand, I’m completely flabbergasted that so many people are offended by this. I think this falls in the category of “if you don’t approve, then don’t participate.”
My two cents
August 30th, 2010
3:01 pm
I disagree with the sentiment that people who are having the reveal party are self-centered. It is possible that a caring friend or family member suggested the idea, volunteered to coordinate with the bakery, plan the party, etc. Just because they are the guests of honor, doesn’t mean they are self-absorbed. When a couple has a wedding shower, nobody calls them names and snaps to judgment, so why should we with baby parties?
I, personally, do care what gender child my friends are having. I don’t have a preference, but I care, because I care about my friends and I care about the potential future friends of my child. If my friends choose to share an event such as this, I would be thrilled to be included in such a special moment for them.
My sister cared so very deeply about my baby’s gender, that she even offered to buy one of those tests that is supposed to show you (you pee in the jar, the liquid in the jar turns green for a boy and orange for a girl). She was thrilled about becoming an aunt and wanted to know what she was going to be spoiling. She was so frustrated with me that I wouldn’t find out my baby’s gender in advance.
Just because you don’t care about the gender of your friends’ babies, doesn’t mean others don’t. And just because you wouldn’t do something like this yourself, doesn’t mean that you’re less self-centered than someone who does.
JATL
August 30th, 2010
3:02 pm
I don’t think it’s that people are necessarily offended by it; it’s just that a bunch of us think it’s pretty silly. As I said, if invited to one, I would probably go, but I would still think it kind of silly! And I would never do this myself because I would feel really silly inviting people over for this purpose, BUT I will say that some things change with age as well. Right now at 40, I would feel dumb asking people over for this, but 15 years ago, if I had elected to have children in my 20s, I may have done it.
Iconoclast
August 30th, 2010
3:10 pm
I just can’t wait for the arrival of genetic testing for sexual orientation: We want to paint the nursery lavender and host baby’s first coming-out party!
YUKI
August 30th, 2010
3:13 pm
I have one sister and she has three girls. You can bet your butt my family was excited to find out (early) that I was having a boy. So were my friends. If nobody cares what you are having then I just plain feel sorry for you.
I’m all about having “another excuse to eat cake and drink beer”. Some of you are big old party poopers.
Sorry, YUKI...
August 30th, 2010
3:20 pm
…but I really doubt any one REALLY cared whether you had a boy or a girl – after all, having a baby is what it is all about, and you can rest assured everyone would have been just as excited if you had said it was a girl (now maybe after 4 tries they would have been happy for your sister, but for you, probably not so much…but we are glad that everything worked out for you and the baby…
None
August 30th, 2010
3:21 pm
I don’t see any harm in it. People are always so eager to be offended about the excitement of new parents, with their nasty comments. It’s not like these people demanded gifts or registered for their gender party. They entertained their guests, provided dinner and beer, and gave their friends and family a good time. They also included those folks in one of the most exciting parts of the pregnancy. Good for them. It sounds creative and fun.
LM
August 30th, 2010
3:42 pm
I didn’t want to know so I didn’t ask when I had my one and only ultrasound. I am sure my husband and his family would have loved to know before the birth since he already had a girl. And I know I would not have wanted to of found out in front of a bunch of friends. I had really wanted a boy and remember crying thinking it a girl, I would not have wanted my friends to have seen me like that. When she was born, I had a moment of saddness since she was a girl and not a boy. But after that moment I could not understand why a boy was so important. Later when my SIL had the boy, remembered and all the fears of having a girl came true, she just stopped exsisting in the eyes of his family. It was their loss.
But I have to question why so many here a judging? Either way it is the couples decision as to how they want to find out and good for them for making the decission that works for them.
Andrea
August 30th, 2010
3:54 pm
@Hey Andrea: Generally most invitations come with an option of accepting or declining them. So, no one could “make” someone come to the party. They came because they chose to. So that would not make the parents narcissistic.
Jairs
August 30th, 2010
4:00 pm
In this life of certain uncertainties, celebrate everything big and small! If you want to do it go right ahead, if you don’t, sit quietly but don’t judge others who do. People are called “friends and family” for a reason. These are the people who care about you from the top of your pointy head to the bottom of dry, dust feet and all points in between! They care deeply about you and because they do they are the ones who will celebrate your joys and triumphs and cry when you’re hurting. Why shouldn’t they celebrate another milestone in your pregnancy with you?
At the end of the day once the invites go out, each recipient makes a personal decision, either yippee this is cool..I definitely want to be there….or heck no I don’t want to be bothered. No one is being forced to participate.
anonymous32
August 30th, 2010
4:30 pm
Seems a little excessive. I mean, you already have the baby shower. How many times do all of your friends need to get together to celebrate that you are having a baby? I mean, sheesh.
Theresa Walsh Giaruso
August 30th, 2010
5:11 pm
OK all you Moms out there, for the 10000000th time. Nobody cares (at all) about your pregnancy, fertility, baby’s sex, baby’s name,baby’s this, baby’s that, baby’s anything BUT YOU!
And leave ‘em at home if your going out to a restaurant too please.
kitcat
August 30th, 2010
5:44 pm
Can we get a spell check on the name at 5:11…if you are entering as an imposter PLEASE at least spell the name correctly and remember to shade your post in gray see: 11:02 today!
Just sayin'
August 30th, 2010
5:45 pm
My husband and I did this very thing, actually, and it was a lot of fun. Did we expect people to go all crazy and gaga over our news? Of course not. However, it was a special moment for us, and many of our friends later said thanks for letting them in on it. Then again, this is our first child and one of the first among our group of friends, so it’s “new” to everyone. Anyhow, it wasn’t self-centered or anything of the kind, nor was it a ploy for shower gifts. (We received some congrats cards and nothing else.) It was really just a party with a sort of mystery at the end. By the way, we called it a “gender party” to avoid any confusion or misconceptions. We had fun. Our friends had fun. Not really sure how it could be seen as self-centered unless people got huffy if you didn’t come. I suppose, like many things, it’s how you approach it. Our gender party was all in the name of fun – not to mention some really delicious cake.
deidre_NC
August 30th, 2010
8:23 pm
well its for sure not something i would do…i really didnt want to know the sex before and the only one i did know was the last one…i had a very difficult pregnancy and with so many ultrasounds i finally succumbed lol…if people want to have a party like this who cares. i probably wouldnt go to it…but thats me. i also dont go to any kids birthday party under the age of 4…except for my grandkids. my oldest daughter would so have a party like this!! she is all about all that kind of thing. she is one who will invite a million people to a 1 year old bd party…and she loves it…and evidently so do a lot of people because they all sure show up lol…so to each his or her own. just not my cup of tea…but lots of things arent.
BTW!!! aforementioned oldest daughter will give birth to a brand new baby girl named devin on sept 1st…wednesday:):):)….my 5th grandchild..3rd grand daughter …
JATL
August 30th, 2010
8:51 pm
Congratulations deidre_NC!
LM
August 30th, 2010
10:09 pm
Congratulations Deidre_NC on your new grandbaby who will share the same birthday as my daughter.
deidre_NC
August 30th, 2010
10:47 pm
thanks yall!! im so excited :):)!!
motherjanegoose
August 31st, 2010
7:36 am
whoo hooo deidre…best wishes!
ATLien
August 31st, 2010
8:01 am
Those that keep saying “no one cares about the sex of your baby” sound like the self-absorbed ones who can’t stand when someone else gets attention. When you are pregnant you get asked by family, friends, servers, the Publix checkout lady, strangers on the street “what are you having??” There’s nothing wrong with celebrating life and sharing in the joys.
DB
August 31st, 2010
8:16 am
@JATL: What’s wrong with a christening party? In our family, they are BIG deals! The entire family comes from all over the Southeast for a baby’s christening — and since they are all in town anyway, why NOT have a party? We had almost 50 people (family, mostly, with a couple of close friends thrown in) at my daughter’s christening 20 years ago, and with that many people in town, NOT having a party would have been downright inhospitable!
babies
August 31st, 2010
8:31 am
We didn’t find out until the delivery. It was an unbelievable experience and I would never want to find out. Everyone convinced us it was a boy – I guess because she had a huge pregnant belly. Some people asked if she was having twins. When the doctor said it was a girl I absolutely couldn’t believe it. It still brings tears to my eyes today.
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kat
August 31st, 2010
5:22 pm
To just sayin at 5:45 – learn the difference between sex and gender. It’s very possible that you won’t know your child’s gender for quite a while.
Mork
August 31st, 2010
11:09 pm
Leave him alone! I happen to know Mr. Bluestein and he is not self-centered at all! He just likes to share the special moments of his life with all of his friends. He’s had parties for his anniversary, a going away party for when he came to visit me, and a coming home party after! And he had a party the time he finally met his weight loss goal! He always buys the best beer and food for these parties and gives us amazing goody bags (once he I got a blackberry).
He had party for his promotion just last week and bought a gourmet cake shipped in from a celebrity chef in New York! It was so delicious and thoughtful of him!
For this one, he comped us all with gas money for making it and he even promised to drive my car to Texas for me in exchange for me showing up! Super nice guy!
Kat
September 2nd, 2010
11:08 am
I just want to make sure that I distinguish myself as “Kat” from “kat” (who seems to have a problem with the conventional color scheme of pink for girls and blue for boys). I do think the party is a fun idea, not my personal cup of tea, but I’ve been to parties for odder reasons – engagements (please bring us gifts), housewarmings (please bring us gifts), etc. If they are going to feed you and provide adult beverages, who can complain? If it’s not your type of party, then don’t go. It’s like this blog – if you don’t like it, then don’t read it.
AUgurl
September 7th, 2010
4:00 pm
I think it is a great idea personally but for you all that is on here putting the “sex party” down, Are yall mad because yall didnt think of it first? And some people may have had multiple pregrancies and didnt make it far enough to tell what the gender of their child was going to be! So dont knock the party just because you dont like it or think its a lame idea cause you dont know what the parents have been through to get to find the gender of a baby!
It’s a Boy! It’s a Girl! It’s a Technology-Enabled “Sex Party”! | Front Porch Republic
September 9th, 2010
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[...] womb, a fascination that can get pretty creepy and overdone. Some parents are having what they call “sex parties,” where they reveal the sex of their baby in some cutesy way. Websites offer reams of advice on how [...]