‘Sex parties:’ New way for parents to reveal sex of their baby

This undated photo provided by Megan Faulkner Brown, founder of the Utah-based bake shop The Sweet Tooth Fairy, shows a cake the bake shop made for an expectant Utah mother who wanted the gender of her baby to be revealed using cake. The mother gave a sealed envelope that contained a sheet of paper with the gender of her baby written on it to the bake shop. They saw the gender and dyed the cake batter pink. When the family made the first cut of the cake they found out they were having a baby girl.    (AP Photo/The Sweet Tooth Fairy, Megan Faulkner Brown)

This undated photo provided by Megan Faulkner Brown, founder of the Utah-based bake shop The Sweet Tooth Fairy, shows a cake the bake shop made for an expectant Utah mother who wanted the gender of her baby to be revealed using cake. The mother gave a sealed envelope that contained a sheet of paper with the gender of her baby written on it to the bake shop. They saw the gender and dyed the cake batter pink. When the family made the first cut of the cake they found out they were having a baby girl. (AP Photo/The Sweet Tooth Fairy, Megan Faulkner Brown)

An AP writer, who is a friend of ours, wrote a story about how he and his wife found out and shared with their friends the gender of their first child – with a “sex party.”

Greg Bluestein and his wife Sheryl had the ultrasound technician write the gender on the baby’s picture and then stick it an envelope. A friend of theirs took the envelope to the grocery store where a baker created a cake with either pink or blue icing on the inside.

From AP:

“Our guests started coming over that Saturday night around 7, and two shoes greeted them in our foyer. We asked them to write their names on a slip of paper and tuck it into my giant loafer if they think it’s a boy and Sheryl’s slender stiletto if they think it’s a girl. One lucky winner would take home a prize — a gag gift of baby oil brought by one of the guests.”

“Over the next few hours, about 50 friends gorged on a dozen pizzas and guzzled down some beer until it was time for dessert. Then we all gathered in our kitchen in front of the massive sheet cake, giving our guests a brief reminder of the import of the moment.”

“Anticipation mounted as we eyed the icing. We slowly cut into a cake, separating a piece.”

“I looked. Sheryl looked. I wasn’t quite sure. I checked again. She checked again.”

“Cheers echoed through the house as we saw the pink icing.”

“It’s a girl!”

Greg and his wife aren’t the only parents finding out this way. There are actually bakers that specialize in doing cakes this way.  So it must be catching on.

I love the idea of sharing the gender of the baby with all your friends at once, and I love the suspense of having to cut into the cake to find out. But I don’t think I would want to find out in front of all my friends and family. I think I would want time to deal with the emotion of what I was having with my husband and not with an audience.

What do you guys think of the idea of the “sex party?” What do you think about finding out what the sex of the baby is in front of all your friends? What do you think about telling everyone together – not giving your parents preferential treatment? What do you think about using the secret icing to reveal the gender? (I think I would want to check the envelope again after cutting the cake just to make sure I didn’t have an overworked, mischievous, or dumb baker.)

95 comments Add your comment

smh

August 30th, 2010
6:06 am

I don’t like it at all. Call me a traditionalist. Just wait until delivery. That is the only way to be sure.

DB

August 30th, 2010
7:10 am

Well, it’s certainly original. But then, you’re talking to someone who didn’t want to know the sex of the baby until it was breathing on its own . . . I just think of all the mistakes ultrasounds have made (my nephew, for one!).

Personally, the idea of telling some anonymous baker before telling my very own parents and inlaws is just a little creepy. But I have been accused of being a pretty private person, so maybe it’s just me.

lakerat

August 30th, 2010
7:18 am

Sorry to be negative first thing in the morning, but why in the world would anyone think that the rest of the world gives a rats patooty about what the sex of the newborn may be – just another example of the yuppie perversion that adds to the perception of the “me first” generation…

motherjanegoose

August 30th, 2010
7:21 am

I did not have a sonogram with my son as they were not as common then and our insurance did not cover the cost unless something appeared to be a problem. I did have a few with our daughter but like DB knew several folks who were expecting one sex and received another. we got what we expected and we were excited to have one of each sex.

SO….I will not have various mundane stories to share on this topic but will be happy to read those that are posted today, when I get a chance.

T…thanks for your kind words and support on Friday’s blog. I have enjoyed hanging out here and am delighted that you will still allow me to post my stories and opinions…even though everyone here may not enjoy them.

I AM all about a delicious slice of cake with a good cup of coffee…..yum! I am also all about getting together with my friends…fun! Maybe this would cover both aspects.

Allie

August 30th, 2010
7:26 am

Finding out the sex of your baby is truely the biggest and most wonderful surprise you’ll ever experience in life. I preferred to wait and find out at the delivery whether we were to be blessed with a son or a daughter.

As far as throwing a “sex party” as Theresa described…..it seems more and more people have this feeling of self-importance that just astounds me. This type of party is a prime example, because really nobody but Mum and Dad honestly care about what they’re having. And enlisting friends to run around to organize stuff, and cater to your needs cos you just won’t read the back of a sonogram?! Insanely selfish!

NicNac

August 30th, 2010
7:49 am

My good friend had the ultrasound tech write the sex down and seal it in an envelope. That night, she and her husband went on a romantic date to dinner and a show (it happened to be their 2 year anniversary!) Back at the hotel they got to open up the envelope and find out together and alone, a very sweet moment for them. They shared their news with friends and family the next morning.

Andrea

August 30th, 2010
7:49 am

I think there are circumstances where this could actually be fun. Like everything else, you can choose to learn the sex of your baby or choose not too. If you choose to know, and celebrate it, it doesn’t make you narcissistic (sp?) in my opinion.

Being the parent of a very premature child, my family and close friends celebrated every little milestone of the pregnancy with me. My then husband and I had suffered many miscarriages before our first was born and the losses were difficult to deal with. We didn’t have a “sex party” per se but when we were far enough along to know what the sex of the child was (a first for us), we had our immediate family over for dinner and told them the sex of the baby. Granted, my story is much different from the light hearted party presented in the topic; but I say that to say there could be a myriad of reasons to have a party to celebrate the sex of your baby.

If you want to have one – go for it. If it is not your cup of tea – fine. The world will still go around and around.

A

August 30th, 2010
8:08 am

Seriously? People do this? Call me old-fashioned like some of the other posters this morning, but I think finding out your child’s gender is one of the few surprises left in today’s world. We didn’t want to find out and before each ultrasound made it clear to the tech/nurse and then my OB that we didn’t want to know. No one spilled the beans, and we were truly surprised and thrilled when our son arrived.

Photius

August 30th, 2010
8:08 am

Don’t like it. One thing which could be used more today is humility and not being totally self absorbed, especially when it comes to their children. It’s a bit over the top for me….

JJ

August 30th, 2010
8:13 am

S T U P I D. S T U P I D. S T U P I D.

What a dumb idea.

mom2alex&max

August 30th, 2010
8:22 am

As DB says, it seems pretty presumptuous that anyone gives a rat’s behind about the sex of your baby. It’s just one of those questions people ask when they find out you are pregnant to be polite. No one cares except grandparents, and even then, they are probably just happy about a grandbaby.

To me it was a private moment shared with my husband (and of course the ultrasound tech ha ha). I didn’t feel the need to have a Grand Event about this.

Motherjane wrote...

August 30th, 2010
8:28 am

…”I will not have various mundane stories to share on this topic” –

But, she had already written “I did not have a sonogram with my son as they were not as common then and our insurance did not cover the cost unless something appeared to be a problem. I did have a few with our daughter”

She must not know what “mundane story” means…

Hey, Andrea...

August 30th, 2010
8:32 am

…”If you choose to know, and celebrate it, it doesn’t make you narcissistic (sp?) in my opinion”. I will agree with this statement that you wrote – however, if you choose to include (or “make” othersjoin) in your “celebration” then, in my opinion, it DOES make you narcisstic…

some guy

August 30th, 2010
8:39 am

i bet most the participants in the party were pretty bummed. i know i would be if i got an invite for a ’sex party’ and it turned out to just be pizza, beer and a cake with pink icing in it. talk about false advertising.

TechMom

August 30th, 2010
8:43 am

And here I thought we were going to discuss “Passion Parties” or the like today. LOL I do think that might be a little more interesting for a Monday anyway.

Lady Strange

August 30th, 2010
8:54 am

Not for me. I was fine with the ultrasound tech telling us when the baby was old enough. I debated about waiting but we both wanted to know ahead of time. There is always that chance that they read the ultrsound wrong. I had a few of them with my son due to problems. I always asked if the baby was still a boy. LOL! Just to be sure :) If I have another baby, I will most likely find out ahead of time. Privately though.

Michelle

August 30th, 2010
8:59 am

I think it’s a nice way to share and celebrate. Some people actually have friends that ARE excited to know about the sex of their friends’ babies!

Becky

August 30th, 2010
9:06 am

I don’t know that I would have a “sex” party to tell family and friends, but that’s just me..I’m more of the type that thinks you should wait until the baby is born..I guess to each their own though..

@MJG wrote and Hey Andrea..We are all so glad that you decided to join us today..We really needed to have someone that drank vinegar for breakfast this morning to brighten our day..So please drink more vinegar and think of more snarky stuff to post..

SuwaneeMommy

August 30th, 2010
9:10 am

Really???? Are people this self-centered that they need to do this? Oh please…

YUKI

August 30th, 2010
9:13 am

If people want to have a party to do this, then why not? A nice excuse to get together with friends and family. I am always curious about the sex of my friends babies…it’s not only family that cares. If you think its stupid then don’t go. We found out and called our families then sent out an email to close friends. I wouldn’t do it personally because I think it’s a bit over the top but if that’s what people want to do…knock yourself out!

A

August 30th, 2010
9:14 am

Just another example of how self-absorbed our Facebook world has become. I think most people don’t care one bit if you’re having a boy or girl; if they are really your friends they’d hope you have a healthy, happy child…and really isn’t that everyone’s wish? Can we stop now with these really lame parties to celebrate every little thing?

JATL

August 30th, 2010
9:14 am

SOoooooooo CUTE! Yeah, and that’s why it makes me want to gag a little bit. I know so many couples (women) who would think this was just the cutest thing! They’re also still wearing personalized, monogrammed hair ornaments into their late 30s. OH well, to each their own. I would certainly go eat pizza, drink beer and down some cake if one of our friends decided to do this, but it’s one of those things that, to me, is just “too cute” -i.e. gag inducing. I also think it’s kind of personal and something you may want to share with one another privately and then with close family first. I know our parents would have been a little upset if we had decided to have some party to announce this and to find out ourselves before even telling them. Yeah, it’s not the grandparents baby, I know, but still -I wouldn’t blame them.

AZ mom

August 30th, 2010
9:18 am

Well, it definitely is a unique way to find out. I’m very traditional and would wait til the baby is born to find out.

Mrs. G

August 30th, 2010
9:32 am

Call me crazy, but I see nothing wrong with it, if that’s what the parents want. And I wouldn’t see them as self-absorbed at all; rather, the opposite – they are throwing a party for their friends and family to attend in order to share some exciting news in a fun way (and, regardless of what some of you are saying, I think that people other than the immediate family care…I’ve been ecstatic to find out the sexes of all of my girlfriends’ (and cousins’) babies!). I would feel differently if this type of party was some sort of ploy for an extra shower, but I’m not getting the impression that is.

Personally, I would want finding out to be more of a private moment with less fanfare, but I would be delighted to go to a friend or family member’s “sex party” – in my social circle, we’re always looking for an excuse to get together and have a good time.

Life is short…have fun with it!

Geez, Becky...

August 30th, 2010
9:32 am

…talk about snarky – please re- read what you wrote and tell how that is not snarky…

OK Mrs. G...

August 30th, 2010
9:33 am

…you are officially crazy…

Really, y'all...

August 30th, 2010
9:35 am

…do some of you REALLY care whether your friend, sister, cousin, mother, etc is having a baby boy or a girl – is it REALLY that important?

1911A1

August 30th, 2010
9:35 am

Not the first thing I thought of when I read “Sex Party,” that’s for sure…I thought it was going to be another teen-related topic.

BlondeHoney

August 30th, 2010
9:47 am

I’m with someguy…I’d be pretty disppointed if I was invited to a “Sex Party” only to find pizza and pink cake. Seriously, how self-absorbed can you be to think that 50 of your “closest friends” are that excited to find out the (possibly wrong) sex of your baby? I’m one of those who didn’t want to know; after all, why take away the only suspense of having a baby? If I did want to know I’m not throwing a PARTY to announce it for pete’s sake

cc

August 30th, 2010
9:50 am

I am suprised that people think that this is a self centered way to share the sex of your baby. One of the first ?’s asked to an expecting mom is “What are you having” . I think the sex party is a fun way for the parents to get together with their friends and family and share a special moment. It is not like the parents to be are asking total strangers over to observe the big reveal. It is their friends and family and I hope most of you are fortunate enough to have people in your life that would like to share in the joy of your news.

JJ

August 30th, 2010
10:03 am

When I was pregnant, someone asked me what I was having. I replied – “A baby”. The look on their face was priceless….

Michelle

August 30th, 2010
10:06 am

Boy, some people are crabby today! Gee whiz!

I like to know the sex of friends babies because then I know what I can get them. I like to find “just” the right things and sometimes it takes a little while!

Just FYI, we wanted to know the sex of our little guy and so did about 50 other people!! And trust me, there was NO doubt on the ultrasound. He was proudly flashing it around! LOL!

Now, the party might be a little over the top, but you know what, it’s their party! And…if their friends choose to come, good for them!

I think it’s great to have so many friends and family to actually share the excitement with!

LWA

August 30th, 2010
10:33 am

I have mixed emotions on this topic. I love having friends over for some reason or another so this is one more reason to have a gathering.

If everyone attended the party knowing that it was a “sex party” then they wanted to be there to share in the couples joy. If not, they would have stayed at home.

DB

August 30th, 2010
10:38 am

We didn’t know the sex of our first baby, and loved the excitement at his birth. We did know with the second one, because at that point, ultrasounds were becoming more common. The tech asked us if we wanted to know, “because it’s very obvious!” and we looked at each other and made a split-second decision: Tell us.

However, we didn’t tell ANYONE else — not even our parents. I dunno, I guess I felt like it would jinx it, or something! It was OUR secret, and we kept it until she was born. My mother was very annoyed — suggesting that if she knew, she could get to work on her cross-stitched Christmas stocking . . .(very elaborate, take about four months to finish). I told her that we were doing it the old-fashioned way, and that she of all people should be able to appreciate it! She was not amused . . .

@JJ: LOVE your comeback! My husband smart-alek answer was “Triplets — one of each.”

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

August 30th, 2010
11:02 am

I don’t know if @MJG and Hey Andrea.. are the same person but I would really appreciate it if you backed off of MJG. If you’re not interested in what she is sharing then don’t read her comments. Her name is on top of them — it’s easy to spot. We are more than happy to have new blood and new opinions on the blog. We welcome that but we don’t like harassment of fellow posters. Picking up from Friday and harassing again on Monday is not nice. We would love to hear your opinions, not your attacks on MJG.

David S

August 30th, 2010
11:03 am

Celebrating the fact that you exposed your child to potentially harmful ultrasonic waves, just because you couldn’t wait and just find out the old fashioned way like billions and billions of parents before you. Congratulations. Let’s face it, you can never get an early enough start on promoting gender stereotypes – and what better way.

cc

August 30th, 2010
11:10 am

to David S, knowing if your baby is a boy or a girl is not a gender stereotype. I don’t think I have meet any parents that have a child and say oh, we are going to let him or her decide if he or she is a boy or a girl. Basic anatomy tells you gender.

Becky

August 30th, 2010
11:15 am

@Geez Becky..Yes, that shoe fits me and I have it in every color..I’m very proud of it, thank you..

I guess because there are so many in my family, knowing the sex of the baby isn’t a big issue to us..I love kids and if the parents want to know, that’s great for them..I have a niece that is pregnant now and as with her first child, she will find out boy or girl when it’s born..

JATL

August 30th, 2010
11:33 am

My other comment disappeared, but I’m with TechMom -I thought we were going to be discussing Passion Parties! Bummer!

Tons of people actually did want to know what I was having both times. I was constantly asked what I was having, and I didn’t mind sharing, but something about having a party for this seems to go overboard. I have a feeling these are the same people who will be having 5 baby showers and a sip-n-see/Christening party then spending $1000 on the first birthday. I’m all for celebrating a new or impending arrival, but for me, some of this stuff just gets to be too much, and I’m a party fanatic! I love to plan them, throw them and attend them but some things in our society have gone overboard (people who have 10 wedding showers/parties) and folks having crazy numbers of baby showers or spending $20,000 on their daughter’s 16th birthday-this sounds like it would really appeal to that demographic.

UF Mom

August 30th, 2010
11:39 am

I think David was saying “promote gender stereotypes” because many people will immediately go out and shop according to gender…all pink and princess-y for little girls, blue and boyish for the lads. That is a whole ‘nother soapbox that I will refrain from getting up on today *lol*

penguinmom

August 30th, 2010
11:40 am

I probably wouldn’t have one of these parties but I don’t have a problem with someone else doing it. I don’t really think it is imposing on either the guests or the person who helped. I would certainly be willing to run an order up to the bakery for any of my friends. It’s not like they asked her to bake the cake herself.

I was actually impressed that it wasn’t an excuse to get presents. This really was just celebrating a moment with people you like. It isn’t for everyone but that doesn’t make it wrong.

We found out with two of our kids and not with the middle one. I don’t think it ‘ruins’ the surprise. It just moves the surprise up a few months. For our youngest, it allowed us to know which set of hand-me-down clothes we could start getting rid of.

Photius

August 30th, 2010
11:43 am

Touche! Back off Mother Jane Goose. She is different, but I personally enjoy reading her comments. Leave her alone, please.

Okay, Theresa, your message re: motherjane...

August 30th, 2010
11:53 am

…is loud and clear – however, in my defense, and since you brought it up re: Friday, do you not find it at least somewhat defensable in that SHE fired the first shot today by referencing Friday’s comments (and this is not the first time that SHE chooses her words to inflame a past post)?

On topic, we did not know the sex of our kids prior to the delivery and the OB saying you have a ——-…and I think it screams self indulgence for anyone to think that everyody else is as interested so as to have a prty to announce the gender…

Okay, Photius...

August 30th, 2010
11:54 am

…you can be the new target…

Peachy

August 30th, 2010
12:05 pm

I went to one of these for a friend the other week and had a blast! They weren’t asking us to bring presents or anything, just come over eat some food and then watch them cut a cake to find out what sex the baby was gonna be. It was a fun time to hang out with friends, catch up and talk about the soon to be arriving baby. I don’t see that as too over the top….

Would I do it, personally no. I can’t imagine planning a party while 5 months pregnant and I like to wait until the delivery to find out, but this lady wanted to and wanted to share the joy with her friends. More power to her! I don’t see this as self-centered if someone didn’t want to come because they though it was stupid or narcassistic they didn’t have to.

Life is short, I say celebrate the small stuff! Do it your own way and don’t care about what other people say. If you want to do it with a gender reveal party or a passion party, do it and have a great time! I bet in 50 years you will look back fondly on the celebrations, and maybe even feel bad about your rude blog attacks…

NCSTMom

August 30th, 2010
12:21 pm

I have mixed feelings about these… While I think it is certainly creative, I also honestly think it is kind of tacky. It’s also kind of presumptive to assume that your friends honestly care what the sex of your child is enough to want to attend a party for it, especially if it isn’t your first child.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

August 30th, 2010
12:27 pm

I want to take a minute and defend Greg and his wife. First off they are just the nicest people and are not self centered. People have parties to celebrate the birth of their babies (welcome to the world party), they invite everybody and their brother to the baby’s first birthday (we had probably 30 people at Rose’s first birthday) — especially with first babies you are just so thrilled that you want to share everything. If the people weren’t interested they didn’t have to come to the party. people are going to ask what you are having and I think that’s a nice way to share — people have been telling what they were having long before this generation so i think that is unfair to act like sharing the sex of your child is a me generation thing.

catlady

August 30th, 2010
12:29 pm

My daughter and SIL gathered all the FAMILY together to announce the gender of their first child. Low key, cook out, relaxed, just close family. They pulled out a blue big (and we all KNEW it was a boy) and the bib said I am NOT a BOY on it. So we got precious Lily.

YUKI

August 30th, 2010
12:37 pm

“promote gender sterotypes”??? you have got to be kidding!!!!

Kate

August 30th, 2010
12:38 pm

I’m with JATL, this sounds like the dumbest excuse for a party ever.

Personally, I wanted to know the sex of all three of my babies at the ultrasound, but I was kind of embarrassed that I couldn’t bear to wait until they were born. I don’t know why I wanted to know so badly since I really didn’t care one way or the other about their gender and was very relieved that the ultrasounds showed a healthy baby. It is like opening your presents before Christmas, but I always had problems with that too! Yes, I couldn’t wait to tell all my friends and family the news, but if I had made them indure a beer and pizza “sex party” (could this have a more inappropriate name?), none of them would have ever spoken to me again!