Are girls worse bullies than boys?
Time magazine ran an interesting Q&A with two mothers/researchers who have written a book about girl bullies. The book is called Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully-Proof Girls in the Early Grades (St. Martin’s Griffin ), by Michelle Anthony and Reyna Lindert.
Time magazine bills this article as “How to bullyproof young girls” but I actually don’t think they give you quite enough information in the article t o accomplish that (because the authors want you to buy the book!) However, the Q&A with Anthony does give some interesting insight into girl bullying.
Here are the salient facts I took to heart from it:
While the mean girl act peaks in middle schools, it begins in elementary school.
Often little girls feel isolated and deal with the bullying on their own. Don’t assume it will pass. They need real techniques to deal with it.
You need to involve the schools to help not just mom or dad. The school has resources like the teacher and counselor.
Separating to a different class can help but in some cases you may have to pull from class.
I guess we need to buy the book for more detail! In the mean time, in a related story. Time ran this back in April about how not to raise a bully – how to instill empathy.
So what do you think:
Are girl bullies worse than boys?
Is is happening in elementary school? (We had a “mean girl” in preschool who judged the other girls on bows in their hair and they were out if she didn’t approve!)
What do you think of their tips for dealing with girl bullies?
What would you add to make it more complete?
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94 comments Add your comment
Jeff
August 27th, 2010
6:33 am
Why are we brushing off the issue of boys being bullied? And, no, it’s not a BIGGER issue for girls. Why can’t we just discuss bullying of all kids?
How to stop a bully (be it male or female), when it gets to the point of no return, walk up to the bully and punch them in the nose as HARD as you can. Let the chips fall where they will after that with principals, etc. But the bullying will stop. It worked every time I used it, and at 5′8″, 140lbs in HS, I had to use it more than once.
But, Jeff...
August 27th, 2010
6:39 am
…those chips now include going to jail (or the juvenile equivalent), getting suspended from school permanently, and the ever present lawsuit by the parents. Not exactly well thought out advice there…but it does eliminate the bully aspect, as you suggest, since the responder will no longer be at the school…
DB
August 27th, 2010
6:52 am
@Jeff: I think the distinction that the authors offer is a valid one: Girls do tend to be more social/relational bullies, whereas boys tend to be more physical bullies. It’s a little harder for parents to recognize when their daughter is being bullied, because parents tend to schluff off relationship issues more casually than physical issues. And while I have absolutely no facts to back up my suspicion on this, I’d venture that most internet bullying is of the girl vs. girl sort — simply because it takes place on so-called “social networks.” If a boy is being bullied, it’s usually pretty overt. But if a girl is being bullied, it’s sometimes harder for parents to recognize it and help girls deal with it, because it’s NOT physical.
I have to admit, though — I’m still unclear how much the authors consider normal childhood social adaptation to be bullying. It seldom (or never) happens that a child floats through life with no conflict. Kids aren’t finished yet, and they don’t often exercise the niceties of social interactions adeptly and with grace. So whereas we might just avoid someone who talked loudly or perhaps didn’t bathe as often as they should, kids are a lot more direct: “SHUT UP! NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO YOU!” or “Ugh — you stink!” Is that bullying? It sure isn’t nice . . .
Jeff
August 27th, 2010
7:03 am
Middle school and high school kids don’t go to jail for punching soneone in the nose.
But go ahead and “think” it to death, have rallies, have “Awareness” meetings. How’s that been working?
It took the one or two 3-day suspensions, took the punishment from my parents (although with a knowing little wink wink from them) and things moved on. I didn’t have to deal with the bullying for years on end.
But, Jeff...
August 27th, 2010
7:12 am
..the point that you missed was THAT was THEN, THIS is NOW – duh – if I have to explain it, it ain’t funny…
MomOf2Girls
August 27th, 2010
7:49 am
Most schools hold the bully and the responder to the same standards now. If the responder does as @Jeff suggests, there will be pretty severe consequences, as @But, Jeff says. That’s one of the things that makes it much harder to deal with bullying now. It reminds me of an old Robin Williams routine, where he talks about how British police can’t carry guns, so they tell someone “Stop, or I’ll say stop again!”. If a bully doesn’t care about the consequences, he / she won’t stop, and many don’t care if they are suspended (expulsions are so rare that they probably aren’t even considered), so that takes the teeth out of the bullying policy.
I don’t think girls are worse, just different. As I understand it from friends with boys, it remains an individual issue for boys. It’s usually physical, with some fairly crude taunting. With girls, it turns into a civil war, with the bully gathering her troups, the victim lining up her loyal friends (if any remain), and a vicious but subtle (to adults, not to the girls) war ensues. Very nasty, almost always under the radar.
Jeff
August 27th, 2010
8:11 am
Momof2, in a way , you’re making my point for me. Civil wars, rally the posses, drag it out for weeks, months, years. If a bully doesn’t care about being suspended, what makes you think they are going to change their behaviour over “talking it out”, awareness campaigns, signs and rallies? My method is a last resort, but sometimes it’s necessary, and it ALWAYS works. And the one on the receiving end of the bullying isn’t in therapy in their 20’s and talking about how much the bullying affected them psychologically for years on end because it wouldn’t stop.
Photius
August 27th, 2010
8:22 am
I taught mine to strike back quickly and inflict as much pain as possible in one hard blow. I told my boy I did not care if he got a suspension either; just take the bully out instantly. Sure enough, I get the call – suspension – I was lectured via the Principle, but my child was never picked on again.
RJ
August 27th, 2010
8:22 am
I don’t know what’s going on with girls today, but they are getting meaner with every generation. We are raising a generation of angry and confused kids. Girls fight worse than boys, which is why I won’t ever try to stop a girl fight…they go for blood. I can stop two boys from fighting more more easily, even the real fighters. But I wouldn’t risk my safety with two girls. I just think we have a lot of kids in search of something. Maybe it’s love, I don’t know. But they’re really angry. The latest trend seems to be girls “hooking up”. My daughter and I have talked about this often. She said they always say they’re just doing it now but they’re gonna go back to boys. Some even have a girlfriend and a boyfriend. They’re inundated with all of these images and don’t know how to handle them. Don’t get me wrong, some kids are gay. But the trend I’m seeing is not kids actually being gay, just trying things out. It concerns me because these decisions will come back to haunt them some day. There will be a lot of adults needing therapy because they were so confused as kids.
Parents need to step up and be parents. Those of you on this blog are the exception. If you’re not having conversation with your kids, you have no idea what they’re thinking, how they’re feeling or what they’re doing. It’s really quite sad.
The topic centers on GIRL bullies...
August 27th, 2010
8:30 am
…yet we get two men who present their macho view of how they teach their BOYS – get a life fellas, and leave the mommy views to the moms…
motherjanegoose
August 27th, 2010
8:52 am
Jeff, I appreciate your thoughts…just not sure of the outcome in schools today. Now, if you took it out at the neighborhood park…that might be different.
Some kids are just mean as snakes and they could come by it honestly. We went through this with our son in 5th grade. As previously mentioned, he switched to a new school in 5th grade in September. The other students had been there since Kinder and were not inclined to a new student. It was a tough year and even the teacher could not do much. Our son was bright, outgoing and somewhat confident. This was a REAL set back and his self esteem plummeted. He now mentions that those days were dark days for him. He moved to MS and then things were mixed up the next year. He s quite comfortable in his arena now. He falls into the brains before braun ( sp) situation. While he could knock the socks off of someone, he is not a fighter by nature.
Our family is involved with LOTS of different types of people and thus our kids are used to interacting with most everyone. They do not understand uppity or exclusive individuals as in “y’aint from around here…”
When I taught 2nd grade, over 25 years ago, the girls were already catty ( sorry catlady). I did not have children of my own then and could not believe what I saw. Having worked with a lot of woman, I see this continues into adulthood in many cases.
My daughter came home from HS one day and told me about a group of girls that was knocking the fiddlesticks out of each other in the cafeteria. She asked me why they did that and I told her that some people solve their problems by fighting. Dad would not walk over to our neighbor, ring the door bell and punch our neighbor’s lights out if we were mad about something. That is just us.
I am not sure how to solve this dilemma, in our society we are so PC that we are sometimes not effective with REAL LIFE answers. Many parents advocate/ignore the rude behavior in their children.
@ RJ…what does this mean:
Parents need to step up and be parents. Those of you on this blog are the exception.
I love your first sentence. Does the second one mean none of us have to step up here or that you think everyone who visits this blog is already stepping up…I am confused and not sure on that one.
motherjanegoose
August 27th, 2010
8:55 am
@ the topic…Photius and Jeff have been hanging around here for quite a while and we appreciate their perspective. What exactly was your perspective on today’s topic.. I missed it but might like to know how you think we can solve the problem too!
C'mon, motherjane...
August 27th, 2010
8:58 am
…she was saying that “those of you (us) on this blog are the exception” meaning that most of us ALREADY step up and ARE being parents…
TechMom
August 27th, 2010
8:58 am
I hate that the consequences are the same for both the bully and the person being bullied but Jeff & Photius are right, if you don’t strike back, it’s just going to continue. At the risk of being an embarrassed parent because you have to go pick your kid up from school for being suspended, it seems to be the only way to effectually stop the bullying. The problem of course is that there are some kids who simply can’t or won’t defend themselves.
As for girls being worse bullies, I think it’s just different from boy bullying. Girls/women know how to hurt with words and girls are typically more jealous and nasty than boys. But in the end, it still can usually be ended by a little physical fight whereas going to the teacher, counselor, parent, etc. usually just makes it worse and more hidden.
And, motherjane...
August 27th, 2010
9:02 am
…my contribution was for MEN to stick to the topic at hand, i.e. GIRL bullies and not get off on tangents of what macho men SHOULD do – and what did YOUR questioning of my response add to this topic?
Also, what did YOU add to solve this problem? All I read from you were still more mundane ramblings about your kids, though you also added your husband, too…
And, motherjane...
August 27th, 2010
9:04 am
…if you will re-read my original “But, Jeff” comment you will see what I added to this frey…
Jeff
August 27th, 2010
9:05 am
My resolution, for boys AND girls, is to try any means that you can first. Talk, call the parents, call the principal. But DO NOT let it drag on and on. When all else fails, fight back the only way a bully understands. Make it quick and painful. With the realization that you will probably get suspended, you’ve done what you need to do to sleep at night.
Peachy
August 27th, 2010
9:18 am
I don’t know that girl bullies are necessarily meaner, but I think the girl victim takes it alot harder than the boy victim. I’m not trying to say boys don’t have feelings; I’m just saying I think girls feelings get hurt more easily. I think that boys and girls are buliled by each other for different reasons, and as was previously said little girls are catty (just like grown women). I don’t think the answer always involves a parent or teacher swooping in and saving the day. I think we have to teach our little girls to hold their heads high, respond with class, and stand up for themselves. Is this easy? No, but this catty bullying does not stop in middle school it goes onto high school, college, and the work place so we ahve to teach girls skills to deal with these beaches ;) so they can succeed at all levels of life.
First time poster
August 27th, 2010
9:20 am
Thankfully my daughter hasn’t had to deal with bullies too much. She’s the type of person who immediately stands up for herself, verbally or physically so no problem there. I think that is the most effective way of dealing with a bully – consequences immediately for the bully’s actions – shows them you won’t take any crap off them whether that is pyhsical or verbal.
Jesse's Girl
August 27th, 2010
9:23 am
I tell my daughters all the time that there are no creatures so evil as the middle school girl. Girls…and sadly this seems to continue into adulthood for a lot of them…can cut eachother to the core with nothing more than a single word or a perfectly timed glare. Girls seem to have no fear of acting out like this in the open. It gives them a feeling of power. Boys do it just as often, but their MO is different. They tend to be a tad more security minded. In the bathroom, in a PE class or on the field surrounded by others….this seems to be the places that boys dish it out. The bus however is fair game for both. Teach your children that while striking another person is inexcusable in most cases….punching the hell out of their bully is sometimes necessary.
Thank you, JG...
August 27th, 2010
9:37 am
…finally, a woman’s perspective on how to handle the situation, an it involves what Jeff and Photius said – it just sounds better coming from a mom…
mamaC
August 27th, 2010
9:38 am
as a early elementary teacher for six years, I know just how capable even young children are of bullying. it comes from the bully’s own lack of self-confidence. so as the teacher of a bully, you have to constantly walk the line of discipline, but also one of instilling confidence in all your students so that they don’t feel the need to turn on one another. i’ve had a couple of pretty mean kids come through my door, and I found the best way to deal with them was to alert their parents to the problem, but also to all the positives that child possessed. it really did make a difference and nipped it in the bud. and as for the poor kid who was being bullied–i made sure that one felt empowered to tell the bully to his/her face that the bully made them feel ____ b/c ____. this gave the child control over their problem, which all kids really want anyway: a sense of control in their little lives.
now i don’t know just how well my practices would work in upper elementary or even middle school, but i like to think it’s a start.
deidre_NC
August 27th, 2010
9:43 am
i agree with punching them in the face if necessary. boys usually hit and get it over with…girls are mean as hell. all 3 of my daughters are very strong minded and have no problem telling someone to eff off and mean it….none of them have been bullied. they have at one time or another been ostrasized by a group of girls for one reason or another. none of them have done any ostrasizing. i have taught all my kids from very young ages to 1-dont be mean ever!! and 2-dont take any crap from anyone. and they dont. if they get suspended for taking up for themselves so be it. i personally think it is ridiculous that the victim and offender are both treated equally in terms of punishment. theres you some more PC bs. but to the topic-i think girls are worse and a lot of it is because for some reason girls are more likely to get the other girls to gang up and bully in a more emotional way. boys usually just fight it out, but girls are mean and nasty and just keep stuff going on and on until someone finally is able to shoot them down verbablly or with just plain acting like they dont care. the more a victim acts like a victim the worse the bullying gets. it makes me sick, but what makes me sicker is to see this continue into adulthood. i really dont remember having as much of a bully problem when i was growing up….either from boys or girls. kids today have so many more issues it seems. who knows why really. we could go on and on trying to find reasons. and im sure that would cause lots of arguments here. but ive always told my kids, dont let them know it bothers you. if you do you are just feeding the bully’s sickness.
motherjanegoose
August 27th, 2010
9:44 am
@ whatever blog name you choose to use:
some of is can give a solution to a problem, some of us provide mundane stories about our families, while others hop on to attack whatever is going on and that is obviously allowed too. If the rest of the blog members and new guests ( welcome first time poster) enjoy reading the posts by those who hop on to simply attack, then that too serves a purpose.
Maybe most folks here prefer to read the posts that simply attack ( and will confirm this today in their posts) me…not so much.
I have enjoyed reading mundane details about other poster’s lives but I could be the only one.
Maybe not, as I have been to lunch with several folks here ( listening and telling stories for 2 hours at a time) and will now get the scoop on Becky’s life next W at lunch….LOL. Looking forward to it Becky….are you up to my mundane stories? I hope I do not bore you to tears!
DigALittleDeeper
August 27th, 2010
9:45 am
Yes, girls are worse bullies than boys. Young women are meaner and nastier to each other; than a young man could ever be to another man. A young man can inflict more pain; but with women it is more mental and skin deep. It’s the perception of being ugly, the wrong clothes and weight. Young women take those issues to heart and the other young women play on that emotionally.
deidre_NC
August 27th, 2010
9:46 am
grrrrrr…theresa i posted a LONG post and its not here….i dont think i can recreate it lol..please look for it!! :)
Geez, motherjane...
August 27th, 2010
9:51 am
…mundane stories on a one to one basis over lunch is NOT nearly the same as mundane stories day after day after day after day….on this site…and, what did that response add to this topic (sorry, couldn’t resist – and yes, I know, this post by me adds no insight either)…
motherjanegoose
August 27th, 2010
9:52 am
I guess I am not comprehending this:
“The bus however is fair game for both. Teach your children that while striking another person is inexcusable in most cases….punching the hell out of their bully is sometimes necessary.”
I would not want my children riding a bus where some kids are beating the crap out of each other and the bus driver looks in the mirror to see the situation…could end up in an accident. I will not need to worry about this now as neither of mine will be riding a school bus but the thought makes me shiver. If the kids are older, they could knock the bus driver out, if he/she pulled over to step in and intervene and then the entire bus could be in fisticuffs ( sp?) . Who would be there to handle things…I am not about to pull over and hop on a school bus full of fighting.
JG…you are logical and sensible…please tell me what you mean…did I miss it completely? Perhaps I did.
mamaC…great ideas…thanks!
Becky
August 27th, 2010
9:56 am
I’m with Jeff, Photius and JG on this one..You can overlook it a couple of times, but if it keeps on, deck one good time and go on about your business..Growing up child #9 of 10, you learn very quickly how to deal with bullies..
Of course, I never had to worry about being bullied just for that reason..When you have that many older brothers and sister, other kids learn not to pick on you and some of them learn it the hard way..
MomOf2Girls
August 27th, 2010
9:56 am
As far as hitting the bully to resolve the issue for girl bullying, I have a few problems with this.
First, I have a real problem telling my child to hit anyone unless it’s to prevent bodily harm, such as fighting off a mugger, etc. I don’t put the typical girl bullying in this category, because it’s rarely physical.
Second, because most girl bullying is verbal, this takes it to another level and will probably cause more trouble for the victim who hits than the bully who taunts.
Third, even if I did condone this, what if the bully is significantly larger? I was bullied in jr high by a girl who was HUGE (had to be 200 lbs versus my 80-90 lbs). I would venture to guess that if I had hit her, it wouldn’t have hurt her in the least, and it could easily have been the last thing I ever did on this earth.
I don’t have any easy answers here. My older girl was dealing with a situation last year with a “friend” who was sweet as sugar one minute, then a complete b**ch the next (for instance, one time she told my daughter she’s not normal because she’s missing a finger and has a stem to stern scar from life-saving surgery, both from congenital defects). Involved the administration, they intervened, but will it continue this year? I don’t know. Only time will tell.
deidre_NC
August 27th, 2010
9:57 am
lol..i think we can look here on this blog and see very clealy that women are more bullyish that men. there are other message boards i read-comments to a new article for instance, and it amazes me that people can be so mean. why would someone comment on a blog or message board just to say something mean and nasty. im personally sick of seeing MJG attacked time after time. we all know her style of writing, and she may not always say what you want to hear, but you can just scroll down and ignore her if you want to. she has some great advice. and it is just her style to put personal stuff in her posts. and no i havent had lunch with her so im not defending her out of a personal friendship or whatever. but just the way she is attached time and time again shows how mean and nasty people can be. and imo women are the worst. i hope this post makes it as my last one didnt.
motherjanegoose
August 27th, 2010
10:01 am
@ whatever blog name:
As mentioned before, T is in charge of this blog and if I am ruining for her and everyone else…she will let me know or block my posts. I have several e-mails from her and she even knows my phone number. T…I can take it if you need to chastise me on the blog today, let me know…I am putting my armor on!
To me, this ( today) is about the same as bullying and since I abhor it, I will walk away now and leave it up to you to provide insight. Perhaps the other posters will check in to let us know how much they enjoy your posts and despise mine.
@deirdre….thank, I guess you are in my court :)…I would enjoy lunch with you but not sure if I am ever in your area.
Have a nice weekend all!
MomOf2Girls
August 27th, 2010
10:01 am
@deidre_NC – good point about MJG (LOL)!! Motherjane, are you ready to start swinging? Personally, I admire you for staying above it all.
deidre_NC
August 27th, 2010
10:02 am
@momof2girls- i agree that hitting first isnt wise. i have advised my kids if someone get physical get physical back. with girls tho as you said it usually isnt physical. it is all mental. gathering up all the other girls and ignoring one or saying mean things etc. in that case i have told my girls to not EVER let them know they care. if you act like they are hurting your feelings then you are feeding their meaness. if you act like you couldnt care less what they are doing or saying…that usually will end things. its no fun to say mean things to someone who really doesnt give a eff what you are saying.
Jesse's Girl
August 27th, 2010
10:04 am
Yes..you misunderstood. I mean that the bus seems to be a shared space..if you will…for both girl and boy bullies. It happens with equal frequency for both sexes. And absolutely…if my child is being bullied and logical, common sense strategies fail….they have my blessing to knock the jeebus out of said bully.
RJ
August 27th, 2010
10:10 am
@MJG, that means that the parents on this blog are the exception. They appear to be parents that are actually parenting. Forgive me if it didn’t make much sense, but I had to run to teach my beloved scripted lesson this morning!
deidre_NC
August 27th, 2010
10:15 am
@MJG i would love to have lunch….but im here and you are there lol..and no i cant imagine you being up here, although i would venture to say your services could well be used. if i ever plan to be in atlanta for more than a couple of days i will get in touch and maybe we can do lunch….i personally love most of your advice and comments. and i have no problem hearing about your family. if i didnt hate to type so much yall would probably hear more mundane facts of my family life than you do already. :)
MomsRule
August 27th, 2010
10:16 am
From my own personal experience as a child, I witnessed more boy bullies than girl bullies.
Bullies Suck.
Jeff, I agree with you.
I do not advocate violence in general. Everyone should keep their hands to themselves. But, the minute someone puts their hands on my kid – the gloves come off. I will tell my child to take the offending child out. Bring on the suspensions and PO’d parents.
HB
August 27th, 2010
10:19 am
Staying above it all?! Oh please! Look, I think today’s attacks on MJG are too much, but she dishes it out pretty well too and often plays the victim saying she’s being attacked or “raked over the coals” when people disagree with her without being rude. As for bullying, she spent months ragging on me for daring to post when I don’t have kids and has repeatedly implied that I think working with children is the same as being a parent (I’ve said the opposite many times). She even took that song over to the the Get Schooled board one day when no one here would back her up! She attacked me another day when I hadn’t even posted anything! Bullying is absolutely wrong, but there are occasions when “victims” really aren’t victims and in fact, started the trouble themselves. If MJG would tone herself down just a little, ignore the trolls, and stop trying to act as board moderator by scolding posters and saying whose opinions are valid (not right or wrong, but “valid” based on her view of their experience) and whose aren’t, people would leave her alone.
Warrior Woman
August 27th, 2010
10:21 am
My girls have dealt with bullies three times. When they were bullied, I told them they had three choices: I would discuss it with the school administration; they could settle it (and if Jeff’s punch in the nose was necessary, so be it); or they could tolerate it. In one case, the bullying was limited to school, and the teachers and administration were very helpful.
In the other 2 cases, the bullying was taking place both in and out of school. We tried working through the school first, and it was a failure. The school was ineffectual, primarily because they saw no physical aspects of bullying. The other children’s parents were also bullies, and saw nothing wrong with their kids’ behaviors.
Not wanting to put up with it, we moved to option 2. With one bully, the threat that “If you don’t leave me alone, I’ll break your nose” was enough. With the other, a good whack or 2 on the sports field made her realize my daughter would stand up for herself.
If you choose the “punch in the nose” option for dealing with bullies, I recommend an off-campus location and an awareness that bullies often don’t fight fairly – they’ll gang up on a solo victim physically as well as verbally.
deidre_NC
August 27th, 2010
10:22 am
it seems that boy bullies usually torment everyone…until someone takes him down. its usually not a group thing as it is with girls. when a boy is a bully even the other boys dont like this person. a boy bully may have one or two ‘cohorts, usually boys who have no friends or have low self esteem. but with girls, a whole group of them will get caught up in one or two mean girls antics and be horrible to another girl. very different dynamics in boy bullies and girl bullies.
Busy Mom
August 27th, 2010
10:25 am
What’s the difference between a “blog member” and “new guest”? I didn’t know I had to join.
kitcat
August 27th, 2010
10:30 am
new guest = first time poster 9:20? blog member = those who have been hanging out here a while?
maybe?
DB
August 27th, 2010
10:31 am
T: Check my post – it disappeared in cyber-purgatory
lwa
August 27th, 2010
10:35 am
@Warrior Women I am with you. We can try the school route. If that doesn’t work, then we will “nip it in the bud.”
abc
August 27th, 2010
10:36 am
The only way to deal with a bully, boy or girl, is to knock their block off. That goes against current perceptions of zero tolerance, but when my kids were young, that’s what I instructed them to do: break the bully’s nose, and I showed them how to go about it, and practiced it with them. End of bullying. The schools weren’t very happy with me about it, but if they had any effectiveness in curtailing it, it wouldn’t have been necessary. Besides, has it ever been any different? Bullies only pick on those that allow it, or are incapable of sticking up for themselves. Bullies are cowards.
First time poster
August 27th, 2010
10:40 am
Never ignore bullying, ime, it only gets worse. You must confront immediately whether that is physical or verbal. Nothing shuts a bully down faster then standing up for yourself. At heart, most bullys are cowards with low self-esteem.
Also, again ime, once a bully always a bully. They grow up to be big bullies who breed more bullies.
Andrea
August 27th, 2010
10:44 am
I agree wholeheartedly with RJ. I would rather walk into the middle of Peachtree Street @5:00 on a Friday than try to stop two teenage or tween-age girls if they are fighting! I volunteered at my son’s middle school and two girls got into a fist fight and the fight honestly rivaled Ultimate Fighting.
I don’t know when it happened, but the girls of today seem so much more brutal in their bullying. They are some of the most vicious cyber-bullies I have seen. The language is shocking! And, the saddest thing is that the girls seem to have almost a wolf-pack mentality. I know that sounds harsh and I am not picking on girls (as I have a daughter as well) but I don’t know of a more accurate analogy. They stalk the girl(s) in a pack and attack until there is little or nothing left.
The girls definitely seem meaner than boys. Boys can get into a fight and they are cool with each other the next day. But, with the girls, the animosity seems to go on FOREVER. I can guess that the lingering hostility is due to the emotional nature of girls. But, I will say, and I know some will disagree, that the agressive behavior is most often directly related to something going on in the home life.
JJ
August 27th, 2010
10:45 am
Boys bully physically, girls bully mentally. I’d rather be hit and hurt for awhile, than to be f**k’d with mentally, which does more harm long term……
Girls are meaner
August 27th, 2010
10:52 am
In high school, the “in crowd” group of girls attempted to bully me, but I ignored them and eventually they left me alone. The ones who suffered were the girls who tried to belong to the group or do things to please the group, which made the bullying worse. Teach your kids to have confidence and self-esteem so they won’t have to endure the ridicule from other girls.
I don’t have girls, but I tell my two boys to never let anyone bully them. They don’t start trouble, but I tell them to defend themselves if need be. My oldest son had an experience with another boy trying to bully him. My son ignored him at first, but the boy wouldn’t let up. Finally, the bully approached my son off-campus and got in his face to try and intimidate him. Not knowing my son has been trained in taekwondo and karate since he was 4, that boy didn’t know what he stepped into. My son proceeded to whip that kid’s a$$ – with just a few punches in the right places. That kid didn’t stand a chance – went down and needed help to get up from his friends.
The school found out about it and tried to get the parents together to discuss it. I called the parents of the other kid and his mother asked me to bring my son to her house so they could fight again. I told the lady she is the reason why her son behaves the way he does and if I did bring my son to her house, she would have to witness her son getting his a$$ whipped… again. The son had more sense than the mother because the next day at school, he apologized to my son. My son hasn’t had any more issues with that boy or anyone else.
MomsRule
August 27th, 2010
11:00 am
@abc – “Bullies only pick on those that allow it, or are incapable of sticking up for themselves. Bullies are cowards.” <———– Exactly! Very well stated!
Girls are meaner
August 27th, 2010
11:02 am
In high school, the “in crowd” group of girls attempted to bully me, but I ignored them and eventually they left me alone. The ones who suffered were the girls who tried to belong to the group or do things to please the group, which made the bullying worse. Teach your kids to have confidence and self-esteem so they won’t have to endure the ridicule from other girls
I don’t have girls, but I tell my two boys to never let anyone bully them. They don’t start trouble, but I tell them to defend themselves if need be. My oldest son had an experience with another boy trying to bully him. My son ignored him at first, but the boy wouldn’t let up. Finally, the bully approached my son off-campus and got in his face to try and intimidate him. Not knowing my son has been trained in taekwondo and karate since he was 4, that boy didn’t know what he stepped into. My son proceeded to whip that kid’s behind – with just a few punches in the right places. That kid didn’t stand a chance – went down and needed help to get up from his friends.
The school found out about it and tried to get the parents together to discuss it. I called the parents of the other kid and his mother asked me to bring my son to her house so they could fight again. I told the lady she is the reason why her son behaves the way he does and if I did bring my son to her house, she would have to witness her son getting his behind whipped… again. The son had more sense than the mother because the next day at school, he apologized to my son. My son hasn’t had any more issues with that boy or anyone else.
Bikerchick
August 27th, 2010
11:10 am
I am the stepmother of a 12-year-old girl who is a bully at school. No physical contact is needed, just words. And of course nowadays, it is sent in writing, via text message or email and it’s vile, filled with profanity and sexual references. She sees nothing wrong with it and she and her friends look upon it as entertainment and almost a sport.
I sat her down recently and tried to explain to her that because she is using my computer and my internet connection, we periodically review her emails. We have cut off texting on her phone and we have done both for a reason……if she harrasses someone who can’t take it and hurts themselves or someone else as a result, then she will possibly go to jail, we (because we knew about it or should know about it) would likely be sued by the parents of that other girl and could lose our home and everything we own.
They don’t get empathy, at least my stepdaughter doesn’t. Without a real “parent” in the home who is at least periodically monitoring their activities and interactions with their classmates and steering them in the right direction, they are completely and totally lost. How can a 12-year-old, with a mother who wants to be her “friend”, no religious or moral guidance at home and no consequences for nasty behavior, possibly figure out the right thing to do?
These kids have designer clothes, beautiful homes and every advantage in the free world handed to them, but they are lonely, bored, angry, confused and lost because they don’t haven’t been taught compassion for those less fortunate or “different”, they don’t know how to put others interests ahead of their own and they don’t see that they have a purpose in this world instilled in them by a higher power. All they have is possessions and activities. Their exteriors are beautiful and something to admire. On the inside, however, they are bereft of character. And so, they behave like animals in a jungle, well-dressed, nasty-mouthed little animals. It’s frightening and sad.
AngryRedMarsWoman
August 27th, 2010
11:14 am
I think this is what I think
- boys tend to be physical bullies while girls are verbal/emotional, although being the mom of a son in MS I can say that I do see more boys straying into the girl form of bullying and it sickens me.
- girl bullying can be worse than boy bullying because it generally moves beyond the original actors to all of the other girls in the school who want to be with the “it” girls. And girl bullying can last for years and years, while it seems (to me at least) that boys can get over it quicker and either be friends or at least leave it alone. I think the natural tendency of boys to be impatient is a good thing in terms of bullying because they get tired of the game long before girls do.
- technology has made the emotional form of bullying ten times worse than when I was a child. I have on many occasions already sat down with my son and his friends and explained how they should not take embarrassing photos or post things on facebook because they are “forever.” A nasty post in a fit of anger lasts a lifetime.
- When I find my son and his buddies (12 and 13 year olds)getting into the emotional bullying (eg excluding someone) I sit them down immediately and tell them (again) how I have been on both sides of bullying and how there are enough people out there who will hurt them that they need to stick together….and that losers like them really do need to present a united front (okay, LOL, not really…maybe :) ).
- Physical bullying needs to be met with a swift pop to the puss. Boy or girl. And if the school ever suspended my child for defending himself against physical harm I would not take it lying down.
Becky
August 27th, 2010
11:15 am
@MomOf2Girls..One of my older sisters never had the problem of size difference..If you hit them in the right place, size is no issue..She had plenty of fights growing up and in most of them, she was the smallest..
@abc..LOVE your post..
Back Then
August 27th, 2010
11:26 am
It is true that if a student walking down a hallway is attacked by another and defends himself (or herself) both the perpetrator and the victim are likely to be treated the same by school officials.
After my son was attacked – it was mostly horseplay, but humiliating to my son – in front of a teacher in class one day and the teacher did nothing, I instructed him that on the next occasion he should take out the other party’s knee and I would support him in regard to the potential ramifications. Fortunately, it never came to that, but parents should be prepared to back up their children if the children are defending themselves, even if it means taking the matter to court. I also let my son know I’d punish him severely if he ever started a fight, but everyone should be allowed to defend themselves, regardless of school policy.
JATL
August 27th, 2010
11:27 am
@First Time Poster -absolutely! And I also agree w/ abc. There are plenty of times to take the high road. If you walk by the school a-hole and he makes fun of your concert t-shirt, but for the most part he never bothers you or notices you -then you take the high road and keep moving. If he’s constantly in your face, physically threatening you, trying to turn people against you and generally making your life hell -then you beat the crap out of him! I am not for violence or fighting except in self defense, and that is self defense. Every guy or man I’ve ever talked to has said hands down that the bullying stops the day you fight back. There is a SMALL difference in handling girls, although they do physically fight now more than ever. Ultimately they are all cowards who must belittle to feel good about themselves. Today, even more kids are joining the ranks of bullying because they can sit back behind a computer keyboard or their smart phone, so they don’t have to be physically menacing.
As far as girls being worse -I hate to say it, but I think it’s true in the form of emotional and mental abuse. Guys pick at each other with a lead up to knocking the crap out of each other. Most male bullies are out to physically assault other kids. Girls make fun, join forces to exclude and destroy the esteem of other girls. I know there are many, many fine upstanding teenage girls out there, but there’s also nothing meaner than a teenage girl. I know, I’ve been one (and I was one of the “good” ones). However, I never bullied or made fun of people to their faces. I had been on the receiving end of that situation a few years before puberty, and it definitely taught me empathy. I agree with JJ -I had much rather have someone come at my physically so I can fight back right there -even though I might lose -than be constantly f*d with every day. That kind of thing leaves scars that take years to get rid of.
itpdude
August 27th, 2010
11:42 am
The fact is that bullies will continue to be raised by jerk parents. It’s the way of the world. And the best coping mechanism for a bully is a physical fight.
Jeff is correct. There is no reasoning with a bully. I went to 15 different schools and I learned this one lesson that made transitions to new schools easy: Get into a fight the very first day as a way of introduction. You don’t have to fight the toughest guy; just find someone who seems like a bully and throw hands.
Until parents start raising decent kids, this is the best way to deal with bullies.
Drawing Black Lines
August 27th, 2010
11:55 am
Enter your comments here
MyOpinion
August 27th, 2010
12:04 pm
In high school my older sister got into a fight with a bully two weeks before a perfect attendance trip (3 days/2 nights) planned and paid for by one of a school’s business partners. My sister was 5’4” and 120 lbs, her bully (another female) was 5’10” and 250+ lbs. The bully landed the first hit. My sister landed the last blow. My sister utilized the near by trashcan and lockers to get her adversary down to her height and continued to beat the bully as if she weighed 80 lbs. My sister did everything possible to avoid the bully such as reporting her to administration since she knew the bully was mad because the bully could not go on the trip. Prior to the fight, my sister even overheard the bully telling her friends that she was going to fight someone to prevent him or her from going on the trip. The teachers begged the administration to allow my sister attend the trip because they also overheard the bully’s intentions, but due to a new policy, all students that were caught fighting were automatically suspended for two days minimum which made my sister ineligible for the trip. My mother was upset with the policy, but not with my sister since she was defending herself. My mother took my sister on the trip anyway. Our principal even paid for some of her meals and entertainment out of his own pocket because he told our mom that if it had been his daughter, he would have done the exact same thing.
mom2alex&max
August 27th, 2010
12:07 pm
I am sorry, but I am with Photius and Jeff on this one. The bully doesn’t care about anything because there are no consequences. So I am pretty confident that there won’t be much of a consequence for my children either. Of course, it is last resort, but when all else fails, sure i have told my children to get physical and defend themselves. I highly doubt that they would send a middle schooler or high schooler for jail or expel them from school for punching someone. If that were true, there wouldn’t be much bullying.
And if there are other consequences (suspension, whatever), I told my kids we will deal with it. And believe you me, I WILL.
Katherine Trotter
August 27th, 2010
12:20 pm
Female bullying is a major problem that more of us need to acknowledge. The victims need to understand why they are being bullied, and how to cope with the problem. For more information check out: http://www.wix.com/ktrotter/the-female-bully
MomsRule
August 27th, 2010
12:48 pm
Bullying is not new. And I don’t believe girls are worse bullies than boys, just different. I do think that txting, facebook, etc make it easier to torment unfortunately.
We moved a LOT when I was a child so I was often the “new” kid. This led to lots of having to “prove myself.” I had many fights and resulting suspensions. And a lot of them were with – BOYS. And, I’m here to tell you, size does not matter, I’m a whopping 5′ 1″ as an adult so you know I was never the big kid in school.
Bully’s are looking for victims. You are not a victim if you stand up for yourself. You don’t have to “win.” I never had a problem with the same kid twice.
I was not allowed to start a fight or be a bully. My parents would have beat me silly! BUT, I had better NOT stand around and allow someone to hit on me either.
Drawing Black Lines
August 27th, 2010
12:48 pm
I think kids should go into a situation knowing that if someone is threatening them physically or touches them then the child needs to strike – swift and hard. If it starts at a lower level initially, kids should go to parents who should in turn try the school for support (some schools help, others don’t). If that doesn’t work and the bullying gets progressively worse. Hit them.
I am in the Mental Health profession and I’m so sick and tired of all the “talk” surrounding bullies, most of which is not therapeutic and helpful. What is helpful in these situations is Natural Consequences: You threaten me physcially, I hurt you so you won’t hurt me PERIOD.
Otherwise the bullies who, psychologically are devoid of empathy because of poor parenting, will not respond to pep rallies, slogans and PSA. They will understand that a punch, kick or other physical damage hurts and they wont want to do that again. Example. As a child I touched a stove after the glow left the iron coil thinking it would not be hot. I got burned, bot a blister and realized that I shouldn’t touch a stove as soon as you turn it off. Didn’t have to have a t-shirt, a pep rally, a slogan, a PSA, or even a lecture.
motherjanegoose
August 27th, 2010
1:03 pm
HB, when I entered this last week August 23, I ABSOLUTELY MEANT IT AS A COMPLIMENT.
You are much better at digging up information than I will ever be. Sorry if you thought I was taking a jab at you…I was not!
@ Mattie…here is something I DO NOT KNOW…Milton HS ( Alpharetta) seems to be in an upper class socio- economic area. Isn’t it? Would that compare with where this school is being built. I am certain HB can figure this one out as she is good with statistics and minute ( sp?) details…I am not.
deidre_NC
August 27th, 2010
1:20 pm
@drawing black lines — well said.
HB
August 27th, 2010
1:29 pm
Thanks, MJG, I believe you. I didn’t take that one as a jab at me.
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
August 27th, 2010
2:45 pm
Hey Guys — i am so sorry that I have been out of pocket all day!! I will find the responses that got eaten — I am very sorry I couldn’t do it sooner —-
MJG your comments are very much appreciated on the blog, I personally love to read your insights as a teacher and as mom with kids older than mine. You should share.
I think these come across meaner online than they would in person so I think everyone just needed to take a breather this morning and walk away. I know that i sometimes feel like someone means something meanly and then I read it later and realize it wasn’t as strong as I thought.
I do appreciate everyone’s contribution on the blog and insight. It helps me very much as a mom. JG I like that you actually tell them they are mean. I’m not sure i have said that to rose and will do that at an appropriate time.
I have a topic idea off of last week’s mad men about the kid getting caught playing with herself and the mother’s response —- do you guys think we would talk about it or do you think it will just get way out of control???>??? I may need to ask my bosses too —— let me know if you guys think this would be a good topic and if we can handle it as adults or would it get out of control?????
JATL
August 27th, 2010
3:01 pm
@TWG -I think it would be a great topic! I honestly thought in this day and age that everyone, regardless of political or religious persuasion, understood that children do certain things in developmental stages. However, another mom blog I visit has had this topic before, and some of the responses of what to do and how to react were HORRIFYING. It would be a great topic, but you know you’ll attract plenty of trolls with it.
Oh -and I second telling your kid when he or she is being mean. I’ve told my 4 year old that several times! They need to know!
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
August 27th, 2010
3:35 pm
Hey JATL — no not mykid being mean– oh I tell them that — but that girls in general being mean.
JATL
August 27th, 2010
3:54 pm
@TWG -I do too. I tell my kids that some people are just mean and they’re not nice to be around! As they get older we’re sure to delve into that even more.
Becky
August 27th, 2010
4:04 pm
@JG and JATL..I tell my two the same thing, that some people are just flat out mean..
Holly Beck
August 27th, 2010
5:17 pm
There is lots of research that has been done on bullying. Some kids have a very hard time doing something like punching the bully in the nose. I tried to get my daughter to do that. She never did-the bullying went on.
Whatever the case bullying is wrong and we need to build school cultures that do not allow it. Bullying is proven to hurt, the bully, the target, and the bystanders.
The most effective way to stop bullying in schools is to teach kids not to allow it in their school. They do this by telling adults about the bullying they see, and by befriending the target.
Research also proves that lots of kids are too afraid to confront the bully. If we teach confrontation as tone of the answers, they get stuck on that and can’t think of the other choices. So again it is best to teach kids to tell an adult and befriend the target.
I offer an easy read and draw classroom project that helps build this culture. Your school can get my book REVENGE OF THE DORKOIDS at cost to read in the classroom and discuss. This is not a set of lessons. It is a fun story that revolves around 3 smart kids who are standing up for themselves against the bullies. Visit http://www.dorkoids.com after Aug. 31 to find out more.
Getting bullying out in the open allows everyone to deal with it’s effects.
catlady
August 27th, 2010
6:48 pm
I see boy bullies in 3rd grade, but rarely see girls that young. And, interestingly, I see little cross-sex bullying in grades 3-5 (where I am.)JME.
TWG, my conversation with MJG recently concerned the topic you propose! I have some I can share, from a teacher’s point of view, if you decide to do it.
catlady
August 27th, 2010
6:54 pm
An unfortunate by-product of parents telling their kids to “defend themselves” is that many kids lack the ability to decide correctly when that is appropriate. So they “bust someone” because they bumped into them, or because someone told them the other kid said something about them, or because the other kids looked at them funny. And, since dad told them not to take it, they have “permission” to deck the kid. You would be surprised at what kids will define as “bullying.”
catlady
August 27th, 2010
6:56 pm
And I am guessing many of them have parents who go around with a boulder on their shoulders.
Cut and Caged
August 27th, 2010
8:03 pm
As a male, I can tell you that even as an adult, there are times when women bully men. Not physically. Sometimes it’s hard to know how to respond. I try to focus on developing positive relationships and just not put a lot of energy into responding or dwelling too much on feeling wounded.
Warrior Woman
August 27th, 2010
9:27 pm
@catlady – It’s far more likely to be the mentality of “you disrespected me” than the mentality of “I will defend myself” that causes the type of actions you describe. And in my experience, it’s far more likely that bullying will be tolerated in the interest of not making waves than it is that kids will over-identify bullying behavior. That may not be the case everywhere, but it certainly what I’ve seen, especially when it comes to mean girls and their victims.
Rich
August 28th, 2010
9:07 am
It is strange that the schools protect the bullies. Jeff’s comments were right on. If the bully gets punched, you will find that the bully is weak. But why does the kid protecting themselves get the same punishment as the bully? Over the years, schools have made bully worse. The kid getting picked on is in a lose/lose situation. Defend yourselve and get in trouble or take the bulling.
Robin
August 28th, 2010
10:09 am
I am scared for my daughter. She is only 5, but I really worry. Believe it or not, when she was just 3 years old, her ‘best friend’ at daycare verbally bullied her. To the point that she stopped doing some of the activites she loved, because “Jane said I wasn’t good at that”. To this day, she still thinks this girl is her best friend.
I have talked to her time and again, that she must stand up for herself, not to allow a bully to push her around. I think she gets it in theory, but it just doesn’t sink in to her real life. I did have her placed in a separate pre-k class from best friend bully. And, they are now in separate Kindergarten classes.
ANy advise would be appreciated!
This is stupid
August 28th, 2010
10:25 am
The pussification of America continues. . .
All of these behaviors haven’t changed for generations. Nothing is new, we just more concerned about it now because of the media stories – “The Bullying Epidemic”.
Oh crap no! My precious little snowflake had their feelings hurt or were picked on. This has got to stop! I’m going to really get envolved and have push for a zero tolerance bullying policy for my child’s school.
Bullying is about as serious as SARs, swine flu, or the latest egg recall. Quit making your kids week.
zoe
August 28th, 2010
10:37 am
Jeff, but wanted you to know that yes, kids can go to jail for punching someone in the nose. With SROs in the school, kids can be arrested and if they are 16 and under, go to juvenile court, 17 and up go to big boy/girl jail. Our system has a policy that a student are automatically suspended for 10 days for fighting and almost always, the SRO gives them a citation also.
granny godzilla
August 28th, 2010
11:00 am
mandatory punishment for the bullies is necessary to change this behavior
bleckley county
August 28th, 2010
11:38 am
Jeff is exactly right on this. After putting up with it several times trying all other avenues the punch in the nose is the only alternative. The schools are ridicolous with their you can’t defend yourself policies and sooner or later they will be took to federal court for denying the constitustional right to do so. It needs to be done quickly as possible. I not using spell check either because it’s not necessary to get the point across and is not the most inmportant thing in my life like some people. Spelling has nothing to do with intelegience.Take a look around our country..
Mckenzie
August 28th, 2010
11:51 am
I’m with Jeff. I have tried talking with teachers and admin in regards to my child being bullied and they don’t want to hear it or deal with it (hoping the problem goes away). I believe you should always try to find a peaceful solution first but let’s face it there comes a point where you have to defend yourself and damn the rules. I can’t tell my kid to punch someone in the face, I’m not that kind of parent. but if he did so after pursuing other avenues I would support and defend his actions.
As a child I also had an experience with a boy who would make fun of me and say nasty thing when I got on the bus. I went to parents, teachers, and a great bus driver who did all she could but couldn’t stop it either because of politics. So one day I got on the bus and he started in on me, I got up and just punched him in the face one time, he never said another word to me after that, in fact he sank in his seat when I walked by and had to endure his friends making fun of him for getting punched by a girl. It wasn’t what I wanted to do but it fixed my problem when nothing else did. I’ll never forget the smile my bus driver gave me afterward. Say what you will but every now and then some people need a good ass kicking. Boy or girl.
Mckenzie
August 28th, 2010
11:54 am
PS. I support punching girls in the face too. Just to stay on topic. :)
motherjanegoose
August 28th, 2010
2:30 pm
@bleckley…while “Spelling has nothing to do with intelegience.” to, me neither does bad breath nor
body odor. Sometimes, it is all about how you present yourself. I am a pretty good speller but a TERRIBLE typist and thus I have to rely on spell check or I add: sp?
I do understand your points. What schools have to deal with is sometimes beyond comprehension. Children are a product of their environment. Many educators have seen things that makes their heads spin…I have heard their stories. Catlady and I even swapped a few.
Sometimes there are answers that seem obvious ( to intelligent people) but implementing them in today’s world is impossible. Reading opinions on this blog gives me another glimpse as to why it is so hard to settle on one train of thought…there are as many ideas as there are people. Some are quite sensible and some are nuts ( to me)
Above all…mean people are just plain mean!
beachnit
August 29th, 2010
9:38 am
*EVERYONE* Please PRAY for WORLD PEACE, everyday we are seeing terrible, inhumane things happening within the human race. It is told by the Prophecies that If we do not change, and pray above all other prayers, for peace between mankind, we are choosing our own destruction soon. Read about the year we are in now the “Age of Aquarius”
Steve K in CA
August 29th, 2010
1:53 pm
I taught Jr kids from ‘69-’76. In a parish school. As I recall the girls were the worst bullies. That is no value judgment because perhaps it is a normal developmental process happening. Boys fight, explode, push, shout/yell like a gorilla warning someone to stay away or else. It is over instantly most of the time. Girls hold grudges a long time. This may be biological AND cultural. Impulse is biological, how we handle it is cultural.
catlady
August 29th, 2010
3:25 pm
Warrior Woman, I can only speak from my experience as a teacher of almost 4 decades. I think we have more truly bullying behavior now, but I also see kids call something bullying that I am hard pressed to call it so.
True example: Kid punches kid because “dad told me not to take nothing offa nobody.” Teacher: Why did you hit him? Child: He was bullying me. Teacher: What exactly did he do to you? Child: He was smiling at me. He was making fun of me. Teacher: did he say anything to you? Child: No, but if he had he would have made fun of me, so I hit him. My dad says…..
Happens a good bit, at least through 5th grade.
In my school the bullies are the ones most likely to claim they are bullied, when it is something simple like someone tripping and bumping into them (often, tripping over the feet of the bully who tried to trip them).
I am saying sometimes crying Bully! IS A GET OUT OF JAIL FREE PASS! True bullies try it all the time.
True story: My younger daughter was being harassed in the afterschool program by a boy named James. She told the supervisor, who dismissed her complaint. It happened again, and she told me. I wrote a letter to the supervisor to ask her to monitor the situation. It happened again (this time he picked up a tree branch and striped my daughter’s legs). Since the adults had been ineffectual, she reached over and grabbed his “rat’s tail” and yanked it out completely! I was called by the principal, who said my daughter was out of the afterschool program for a week. I pointed out the attempts to get help for her (the principal didn’t know, but upon checking found out from the afterschool supervisor that she had received my letter), but I agreed that my daughter would NEVER be in the program again, since she could not get the help she needed. Then the principal told me that James’ mother wanted to meet with me, wanted me to pay for a new haircut for him, wanted us to talk about how we could be sure this never happened again. I told the principal I would pay for James’ cut (although my daughter had pretty well taken care of it) AFTER his mother paid for my daughter’s visit to the doctor for the bruises she incurred 3x from his violence to her. And,as for seeing that it never happened again, it was easy: tell James to stay away from my daughter. Needless to say I never heard from the mother again. And for the next 2 years, until we moved, James never bothered her again.
Sometimes, when our words fail to protect our children, they DO take care of it themselves, to good effect. But I think we should let the adults try to solve it first.
Hunk Williams Jr.
August 29th, 2010
8:10 pm
i whipped my girls @sses all the vtime
Cammi317
August 30th, 2010
12:53 pm
Yep, girls have DEFINITELY gotten meaner and middle school boys seem to be awful as well. I taught my daughter to tell an adult and to “turn the other cheek” and she did in elementary. Last year when she hit middle school she decided that a new solution was needed because some of these children are crazy and the teachers did little of anything when she was telling them she was being harassed verbally. So the when someone put their hands on her, she literally struck back. Got suspended twice in 6th grade under the zero tolerance rules. I did not punish her. Sometimes fighting back is the answer. This year in private school, she decided on a new strategy because she does not want to get suspended…if anyone touches her: scream and hit the ground like someone just tried to murder her. I call it summoning her inner Drama Queen….LOL!
Bullying
August 31st, 2010
10:49 pm
[...] Girl Bullies are becoming more recognized. Often times a child’s ability to manipulate both their peers [...]
Jairs
September 1st, 2010
9:34 am
One thing no one has addressed (that I can see) is the fatal violence. Fights are not just fights anymore they are life ending altercations. Kids don’t want to just beat each other up and be done with it, they want to bring knives and guns, girls want to disfigure each other. I’ve always been of the mindset that you try to talk it out calmly, you escalate to a “I’m not taking your sh**…keep it up and get whopped” stance, and if that doesn’t do it then you beat the crap out of them; however, recent school events all over the country have made me take a step back from that.
Now I’m more inclined to say bring in the authorities quickly, file charges, make it punitive for the parents and the school, and make it clear to the school board that once they have been made aware of the situation, they are going to be held responsible for not protecting my child so its in their best interest to deal with every incident of bullying strongly and swiftly.
Yes, I have become one of those people who wants to involve the law for what others consider petty school yard problems, but I’d rather take that route than wait for a call from the police that a fight got out of hand and the results were fatal for either child.