Should hand-me-downs to siblings include underwear?
I was folding clothes the other day and Lilina came into the bedroom needing some underwear. I knew she was outgrowing the ones she had, so I pulled from the clean pile some of Rose’s underwear that were small on Rose and handed them to the 3-year-old.
Poor Lilina started protesting as I was pulling them on her. “But Momma, Rose’s underwear are too big for me.” (They were sixes that had shrunk so they weren’t as big as you might think. They were roomy but not falling off of her.)
But her protests made me wonder: Should I be passing down underwear even if I pass down everything else? Does the child deserve at least the dignity of having her own underwear?
My mother claims that to this day my dad is very possessive of his underwear because growing up all six brothers shared an underwear drawer. If you got up late or showered late, you ended up with the worst in the drawer. I have no idea if this is true or not but I hope I’m not creating some condition that my children will later discuss with a therapist by passing down clothes especially underwear.
It doesn’t seem right to throw away perfectly good clean underwear once a child grows out of if it though. But would I want to wear someone else’s undies?
My mother saved almost every article of clothing I have ever worn and all three of my children have worn hand-me-down nightgowns, robes, shorts and tops from me and even my brother. (Walsh and Lilina both wore an awesome Charlie’s Angels T-shirt that was my brother’s.)
Walsh wore Rose’s training underwear and Lilina wore all the same pairs. I saved all of Rose’s underwear and gave away Walsh’s to charity.
Walsh wore some of Rose’s stuff if it wasn’t too girly. And Lilina has worn 90 percent of Rose’s old clothes and even some of her brother’s stuff. She’s adorable in his old Georgia jerseys.
So what do you think: Is it OK to pass down clothes in general? Should underwear or bathing suits fall into a different category? Is that OK or does each child deserve their own undies?
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83 comments Add your comment
FCM. on my cell
August 25th, 2010
12:03 pm
Both daughters share since they are same size. Imagine when sets appear that will change.
Never to charity. Gross
DB
August 25th, 2010
12:07 pm
As far as shoes — it depends on the wear. Obviously, with the little shoes that people put on babies before they start walking — no problem. Even dress shoes for older children — shoes that aren’t worn very often — are ok. But school shoes or play shoes that are worn frequently — I’ve heard, too, that shoes mold to the feet of the wearer and don’t fit as well as a hand-me-down. Don’t know if there’s any truth to the rumor — but as sweaty as my kids’ feet were, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been too crazy about putting them in used shoes, either!
hayley
August 25th, 2010
12:14 pm
Enter your comments here
Mom of Two
August 25th, 2010
1:10 pm
What’s the difference between a hand-me-down shirt and hand-me-down underwear? As long as it’s clean and not stained, torn, or otherwise worn out, there’s nothing wrong with passing down underwear. When kids are little, they outgrow clothes – including underwear – long before it wears out. Once they get older (pre-teen, teen), I can see not passing down underwear. But, that’s only because the first one will likely wear it until it’s worn out, especially since bleach takes a toll on the elastic.
I have 2 older sisters and have spent my entire life wear hand-me-downs. That included underwear when I was little. I don’t remember ever giving it a second thought.
My sisters and I still exchange clothes. It’s a great way to get some new pieces without spending money. It’s usually just tops, sometimes dresses, more frequently it’s formal stuff. Come to think of it, nursing bras were passed from one of us to the other along with the rest of the maternity clothes. Technically, that means underwear is still being worn as a hand-me-down in my family and we’re all well over 30 something.
Kate
August 25th, 2010
1:15 pm
I’m pretty sure handing down my son’s tighty no-longer whities to his younger brother would qualify as child abuse! His undies get tossed in the trash as soon as he outgrows them, although I should probably burn them!
JATL
August 25th, 2010
1:20 pm
Yeah, I NEVER give away used underwear -children’s or adults. I give away a lot of clothes and shoes, but never underwear. When my mother passed away last year, I did give away a lot of her slips and camisoles because she honestly had so many of them it made me sick to throw them away, and I don’t use them. However, even though the woman’s panties were pristine, they all went in the garbage. She would have died all over again at the very thought of wearing or handing down used underwear!
BlondeHoney
August 25th, 2010
1:29 pm
My two boys are only 17 months apart and wore the same size when they were little guys so their underwear was pretty much interchangeable…we always lost track of whose underwear were whose becaus ethey all had the same cartoon characters. Once they got older though they kept track of their own tidy whities :)
RJ
August 25th, 2010
1:38 pm
Passing down clothing is fine…but underwear, that’s where I would draw the line. Thankfully I don’t have that issue, but if I did, well, I still wouldn’t have an issue. Walmart sells inexpensive underwear all day long:)!
Congratulations
August 25th, 2010
1:52 pm
“What’s the difference between a hand-me-down shirt and hand-me-down underwear?”
Ballsweat.
JOD
August 25th, 2010
1:53 pm
I am saving some of DD’s clothes for a potential younger sibling, but hadn’t thought yet about underwear. Anything I don’t love that is in good shape is donated periodically. She is still in pull-ups, so her current underwear is still practically new – I could see potentialy saving this underwear, although I’m not sure it’s worth the space it will take up. Once she’s older, I’m not sure I would consider it at all (certainly not after around age 8).
JATL
August 25th, 2010
2:07 pm
@Congratulations -I see that even though you consider this to be the bottom barrel of the internet, it intrigued you enough to return and post! Hee hee. Ballsweat and other unmentionables! I like the post that referred to -if it touched your butt, it shouldn’t be passed around! Reminds me of all the naked bike riders riding borrowed bikes at Burning Man (wow -that’s kind of a tongue twister). They have a bike camp where you can pick up a bike, ride it around for awhile and then return it. The thought of riding one of those seats after who-knows-who gripped it with their hoo-ha just makes me flip out!
LM
August 25th, 2010
2:19 pm
JATL.. you are too funny, butt… how do you know this unique piece of information about Burning Man?
lwa
August 25th, 2010
2:21 pm
@congratulations – that is what a lot of us are thinking. LOL!
For those of you who think it is okay to pass down underwear than am I to assume that you visit goodwill looking for yours?
@mom of two – nursing bras are not panties. Those two items r different.
For sanitary reasons it just doesn’t seem like the right thing to do…
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
August 25th, 2010
2:25 pm
JATL — that is gross! too funny!!
Andrea
August 25th, 2010
2:28 pm
No. 90% of my clothes were hand-me-downs. The exception was underwear and and special occasion outfits. Every child should get brand spankin new underwear at least once a year. Old underwear fal apart. What would the doctors think if the child ended up in the hospital for some reason? That was my mother’s reasoning!
PhotoMomof4
August 25th, 2010
3:31 pm
Our youngest boys shared the same underwear for a long time since they were the same size. Now that they are 9 & 10, they prefer different styles so this isn’t an issue. They also do their own laundry so they don’t mix up the rest of their clothes.
DB
August 25th, 2010
3:47 pm
@JATL: after who-knows-who gripped it with their hoo-ha . . . Omigod, I shouldn’t have been sipping a Diet Coke while reading that — I had to clean off the computer screen!!
DB
August 25th, 2010
3:48 pm
I mean, honestly, folks — who would want a pair of used thongs? And why is it “worse” for older kids undies than it is for younger kids?
jan
August 25th, 2010
4:39 pm
3 daughters and I am not sure they even knew which were which unless they washed them themselves. All came from the same store and usually same style. If they were washed in the family load of clothes I just left them in a basket for them to sort.
motherjanegoose
August 25th, 2010
4:57 pm
T…is THIS the underwear story you were talking about last Friday? I just NOW remembered it.
Maybe it is the paint fumes in here but things are looking great! :)
penguinmom
August 25th, 2010
5:03 pm
My youngest has hand-me-down underwear from his brother. They have characters on them that he likes (some you can’t get anymore) and he wants to wear them. I’m fine with it as long as they aren’t in bad shape. We still buy him an occasional pack of his own also so that he gets to choose what character is on them.
Once he gets older, I figure he’ll have an opinion one way or the other. If he doesn’t care, I don’t either.
It’s not like you’re passing on germs. As long as it’s been through the wash, it’s fine.
smh
August 25th, 2010
5:03 pm
MJG – I know what a darning ball is but never had one. My mom had me use a light bulb to mend socks. Now I don’t bother :) In our house it’s rarely an issue of holes but rather the socks are beyond bleaching LOL.
Tiffany
August 25th, 2010
5:19 pm
It’s good to know that there are a lot of you who are fine off financially and don’t mind spending the extra money on your kids underwear. Keep in mind however, that there are many families out there these days who are down on their luck financially. It just makes sense to reuse something that is useful-clean underwear in good condition is no exception. In our family we have passed along many items between siblings and cousins-underwear and bathing suits, too. Also- please don’t forget that there are ALWAYS others in need out there…DONATE your gently worn underwear as well as any other clothing items to charity. Some charities will give vouchers to those in need so that they may shop in the thrift store to get what they need. A lot of these families may be victims of fires, floods, ect. and would like to be able to fully clothe themselves…including underwear! As far as Theresa’s situation…if your baby is willing to wear hand-me-downs without a fuss for everything else-getting her some new cute panties that she can pick out herself can be quite a treat. She will feel very special to have something that is all hers. But believe me, there is NOTHING wrong with hand-me-downs!
motherjanegoose
August 25th, 2010
6:50 pm
@ Tiffany….I donate boxes and bags of clothes all the time JUST NOT UNDERWEAR. I have even debated about pajamas and robes.
Here is something many might want to know:
If you have old suitcases…these are also helpful. I have a rolling duffel filled with clothes that are going to be donated, next week. The clothes will be taken out but some folks are literally living out of a paper bag and a suitcase, to transport things, is valuable. I go through suitcases like crazy, due to my travels and have been told to please donate the ones that still can be used. Just a tidbit some may want to know.
JATL
August 25th, 2010
7:40 pm
@LM and DB -DB, sorry you had to clean off your screen! I guess it is a pretty amusing mental image! I’m all about nature and I love to be naked, but I have my limits! LM -I’ve been to Burning Man a good bit. I haven’t gotten to go the last few years, but I hope to return sometime in the next 5 years or so. I miss it!
@TWG -there’s a column idea for you -events you CAN take your kids to, but do you or do you leave them at home? Should you? Who does and who doesn’t and why? We’re all about yes to kids and music festivals but no to our kids and Burning Man. I don’t have a problem seeing other people’s kids out there, I just don’t think it would be a good situation for us.
HB
August 25th, 2010
8:45 pm
DFACS sometimes will accept suitcases too. Foster children often don’t have anything to pack their things in when they move from one home to another.
catlady
August 26th, 2010
12:06 pm
Girl-boy-girl Nope, no passing down.
I think everyone has covered the reasons well.
Kady
August 26th, 2010
4:31 pm
I cannot believe that you are all so upset over this – ridiculous! Let me ask you – do you use the same toilet seat, washcloths, towels, sheets etc. as other family members? How about all your family’s clothes touching in the washing machine or dryer or laundry basket. By the reasoning I’ve read here, you must all be carrying around your own toilet seat and buying everyone in the family their own set of linens. I don’t know how you function if little Johnny’s Underoo’s are washed in the same load as your briefs. Good grief!
Oh heavens! Clean is clean (I’m obviously not talking about stained or worn out underwear) so stop wasting perfectly good clothing. For goodness sake I doubt most toddlers/pre-schoolers worry about where their underwear came from. They are much more concerned with what character is on the front. How about families with multiples – do you seriously think that parent is labeling each pair of underwear?
This is one hang-up to let go of – although I will add the caveat of only passing along non-stained, non-wornout and from someone that I could personally vouch for their cleanliness.
DB
August 26th, 2010
11:31 pm
@JATL: After perusing the Burning Man website, my mental image of JATL has been flipped inside out!
Kady
August 27th, 2010
7:12 am
I tried to post this yesterday but I guess it was lost in cyberspace…
When you are speaking of clean/non-stained and in good shape underwear, there should be no problem with passing it along to another person. (I would add the caveat that I would like to be able to vouch for that original wearer’s cleanliness so I think it’s best a situation for people who know each other well, like family members.)
I could not believe how many people were grossed out by this – I mean are you all using the same towels, washcloths, other linens and toilet seats as your family? How do you function knowing little Johnny’s Superman underwear touched your briefs in the same washing machine or laundry basket? Heaven forbid! It’s just a weird notion that we should get over – no need to waste perfectly good clothing over nonsensical reasoning.
JATL
August 29th, 2010
8:08 pm
@DB -you may not even see this, but you would probably be surprised. I have a rather “eclectic” personality and sense of style! I love my Burning Man attire (or lack of), but in the real world, while that flame is always burning inside, I enjoy lots of real types of style. That’s not to say I don’t rock something pretty funky now and again, but right now I’m typing this in an LL Bean madras skirt and a v-neck tee ;-) I was in my “country club mom” mood today.
Jairs
September 1st, 2010
9:40 am
YUCK!!!
You are teaching your children a horrible lesson about hygiene. Certain items that touch certain places are personal and private. Its not so much that children will pass on diseases or medical issue like adults can, but its the precedent you’re setting that they will take through life. I don’t even agree with girls/women wearing each others bathing suits. It’s just YUCKY!
Becky
September 6th, 2010
9:57 pm
I have a twin brother and we shared everything! Including underwear when we were little. Even as a teenager I’ll wear my brothers clean, hand me down boxers, if they are in good shape!