Colleges give up on subtle hints; kick ‘velcro’ parents out!

Insomnia here at 3:00 a.m…..

No, we did not get the boot. I do not think we needed it. My husband moved our son into UGA 5 years ago. I did not join them, as I was out of town. I was on campus perhaps 6-8 times in 4 years and we live 45 minutes away. He moved him out too. I have recently learned of other Moms who visit their son’s apartment every few weeks to clean it and stock it for food. That was NEVER me.

Our entire family ( son offered to help and I was thrilled) moved his sister into UGA 2 weeks ago. It took us 2 hours ( climbed 4 flights of stairs as there are no elevators in her dorm…more later). Brother and sister took care of the paperwork along with the room mate ( he had done it before and knew more than we ever could) . Dad and I stayed in the room to loft the beds and put up the electronics ( not me…I plugged things in :0) . We invited the room mate to join us out for lunch and then left. All went well. No tears.

Daughter came home this past weekend, to work her part time job. She will need her own spending money and car payment each month. She has lost 5 pounds, even though she loves the food at UGA. The stairs are working! She bought her laundry home and did it herself.

If you cannot separate from your child when they are 18, I think you have a problem. Kids will grow up, in spite of you. Maybe not?

There was a girl whose parents made her stay in a hotel with them during the freshman orientation, in July. The students were supposed to stay in the dorm. What was that about and where is she staying now?

I love my kids but they are young adults. I took my daughter to the bank to sign papers on her car, before I met catlady for lunch on Saturday. She has a small loan and will make her own payments.
As we were signing the papers, they banker said: “when did you get so smart?” I laughed as my daughter does not **always*** think I am smart. My daughter will understand what making a car payment is ( as did her brother) and she will be getting some credit for her financial score.

I want my children to be independent and happy. They know we are here if they need us. I have not seen my son in 10 days. DB saw him at work, this past weekend. I laughed and told her she can keep me posted on him now since he has moved out….:) Good thing I met her through the blog!

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I like your thinking MJG! My thoughts exactly. Well said.

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…was one of those “helicopter” parents before that term originated (more than 40 years ago) – however, when I went to college she waved goodbye as I backed the car out of the drive way for the 3 hour drive to college and pretty much said “adios” – I did play sports in college so my parents were there 11 weekends in the Fall, but, other than that, they never darkened the campus until graduation Sunday 4 years later. When I went to grad school, the same thing.

Fast forward to my kids going to college – we did help each move into their freshman dorms, and we did go to football and basketball games while they were in college, but we never set foot, or even eyesite, on their dorms or apartments except when helping them to move –

As motherjane indicated, they are young adults and need to learn the ways of the world without the parents hovering – only time will tell if they can get along without our financial support, as this job market is still tough on the one who just graduated and is unable to find employment…

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…Dave Ramsey says you are teaching your child incorrectly by allowing them to have credit – he says she should have saved up and paid cash for the car and that she will never need a credit score if she pays cash for everything – it ius great that you have taughther independence and the value of money, yet you should not have co-signed a loan for her or any other friend, foe, or family member – that is Dave talking, not me…

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Well said MJG! I read that article in the Times yesterday and was disgusted with a large portion of parents today who are raising this next generation of children into pansies. The sad part is, the parents don’t get it, they never did and never will -it’s all about self absorption even though they convince themselves it’s all about how much they love thier kids. Be careful of what you raise…. these helicopter children are going to get devoured by their own peers in the business world and will probably wind up back at home at age 40.

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@ Hey…she may need to buy a house or newer car ( than a 2002) when she graduates and perhaps she will need credit for that? Do kids pay cash for a house or car out of college?
Do most adults? I do but I thought many people financed. I buy a barely used car with mileage in the teens and pay cash. My kids do not have that option yet and they need a car to get to their jobs to earn money for college. Yes, it is somewhat of a cycle.

Please read the last part of my last post.

My point was that many kids today get their car given to them ( is that better than making payments) and I have seen some pretty nice cars at our HS….BMW, Volvo, Mustang…for a 16year old….hello? We know a child who got a LEXUS for her 16th birthday…what is that about?

Here are the facts…my kids each saved $1000 for a down payment on their car…which I matched.
They then had a $100 +/- car payment for 3 years. Our daughter got a later start, as she was not interested in driving the day she turned 16 ( her brother).

She has the money coming directly out of her account, to make the payment each month.

So far, my kids have always paid me back for every loan they have taken $20 to $1000 but her car is worth more than what she owes on it, so we should be fine.

Thanks for your advice today. Maybe others here will agree that kids do not need a good credit score after college and that most folks in the world just pay cash and do not finance anything. I will check in to find out.

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…and, oh yeah, he says that NO ONE should ever finance a car or any other purchase other than a home…

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My mother stopped doing my laundry when I was 12, said I did a better job of getting the stains out and I could iron a better crease in the clothes than her. Had a summer job ever year since 14, so I paid my own fees for high school and marching band with the money saved over the summer. When it was time to leave for college, I purchased all of my college needs. When I went to the housing office to get my key, they said that they did not receive all of my deposit, my mother told me to handle the situation myself because she would not be running up to the school every time I had a problem. I handled the situation and received my housing keys. My mom dropped me off at orientation, while I was at orientation she moved me into my apartment (our dorms were being renovated at the time). When I got out of orientation, I went to the apartment and found everything placed in neat piles on the floor. We went to the grocery store for food and snacks. Once we got back to my college apartment, my mother gave me a hug, said “I love you, call me if you need me” and walked out the door.

Parents do not have the right to say on campus even if they pay all the bills for their child. Everything at college is in the student’s name, not the parents, even if the parents pay the bills.

Parents should wait until later in the semester to visit and/or stay the night. The first few weeks of school is when students meet each other to form different relationships (friends, associates, study partners, etc). If parents are waiting at the local hotel to get students after classes, those students tend to miss forming those relationships or they are delayed until a later time. For an example a student made a ‘C’ on an assignment that could have been an ‘A’ if the student had met their study partner the first week of class instead of the third week.

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Well, as some on here know, I have a coworker that is going to be heart broken over this..When they moved the daughter in, they were there for 4 days..They talk on the phone at least 8 times per day (while the Mother is at work), she gets a care package sent every two weeks..The “talk” back andd forth on FB several times per day..

The Mother calls about any problems that the daughter has, parking, housing, books, trips for band..You name it, she calls..Any time that a boy talks to the daughter, they talk about that..As I have said before, my list could go on and on, but I think y’all get the picture..

@MJG..I’m sure that Theresa will get you my info shortly and I am looking forward to lunch..As for your daughter/son, yeah they have to start somewhere with credit, so I think what you have done for them is great..

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I remember when my dad drove me and one of my best friends to college. I was ready for him to go the minute he unpacked the u-haul. She, however, clung to my dad and insisted that he hang around for a few hours before leaving…big chicken…LOL! I am sure my dad appreciated it though, I think he was a little sad that his oldest would no longer be at home. My daughter is 5 years away, but I don’t think this will be an issue for us. I remember the first time I took her to Girl Scout camp and just like me, once she was signed in and her things were unpacked she was like “Love you, Bye.” (Admittedly, I got a glimpse of what my Dad must have felt and was a little sad).

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No helicopter here; in fact, when my boys went

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Interesting “ceremonies”. It’s a little more difficult to enforce with some larger schools, where the actual “orientation” takes place over the summer and not during the first week they are on campus. Both of my kids are at large universities where we had to attend an orientation during the middle of the summer. One of the funniest moments during my son’s orientation was when the kids had one session in a separate building, and the parents had a meeting with the Dean, who proceeded to entertain us/embarrass us with stories of helicopter parents she had run into over the years. Especially amusing/jaw dropping was the one where the father called her demanding a transcript and information on the parents of a boy who had had the nerve to ask his daughter out for a date. Or the parent who called, hysterical, when she could not get her daughter on the phone (the daughter was in class — duh.) Or the parent who . . . well, you get the idea. At the orientation at my daughter’s school, the questions from the parents were eye-opening, to say the least. Especially the one from the mother who wanted to know who would be responsible for monitoring how her daughter spent her allowance — could she talk to the R.A. about that? The smothered giggles throughout the auditorium were amusing.

My kids’ high school had an “off to college” night (private college prep, so all the students head off to college after graduation. Whether they stay there or not is another story . . .) The questions from the parents were, in some cases, shocking to me. Especially the parents who expected that their children would comply with a curfew imposed by the parents from hundreds of miles away, or the ones who were excitedly talking about being able to check every single thing their child bought by reviewing their account electronically EVERY DAY! Oh. My. God.

My daughter has some interesting stories — the parents of this summer’s roommate gave their daughter a GPS phone so that they could track her every movement, and wanted her back in the dorm no later than midnight. Solution? Daughter simply left the phone in the dorm as she went out at night. Another set of parents require that their daughter, who is a senior and lives off campus, call her parents every day when she leaves campus, to reassure them that she has reached her apartment safely.

I hear these stories and I wonder if I am just too laissez-faire — and then decide that no, everyone else is crazy! For the record — I go, help them move in, spend a couple of hours helping them rearrange the room (lofting, etc.), did the Wal-Mart run for the forgotten items (they didn’t have cars their freshman year), kissed ‘em goodbye and left. My son did not come back home from August until the end of October. My daughter was busy with marching band and didn’t get home until almost November.

I will admit, when I dropped my eldest, my son, off for freshman year, it was hurried, because we only had an hour to move his stuff into the dorm before he had to be at freshman camp, a special program two days before official move-in for out-of-state students. I did cry. :-) Flash-forward to his sophomore year, when his sister and I were helping him move in. We were getting ready to leave when a cute little blonde dressed to the nines in a short black dress and heels knocks on his door, cooing, “Hi, ____, ready for dinner?” We beat a hasty retreat — no tears, just laughter. As it should be. :-)

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This sounds more like my sons’ first day of kindergarten,when the principal inevitably had to say “Parents, leave!” , and we did.

We spent several hours moving my son into UGA, but did it the day after “official move-in day”, and saved hours of time. Once we got everything in, and the room set up, we went off to get a parking pass, books, etc. A late lunch out and we hit the road with a final kiss.
He is rooming with his buddy, and already knows many kids there, so he was more than ready to be independent.

MJG, my son also stayed in the hotel with us during orientation, as did many others. It wasn’t because he (or we) wasn’t ready to separate, it was because he wanted to sleep well, and that wasn’t going to happen in the dorm. I picked him up after the final on-campus activity at 11:00 that night, and he went back the next day after having breakfast with us. He didn’t have much to do at orientation, as he had already been given credit for all the courses most of the kids had to take tests for.

He told me he has met most of the kids on his floor now. He kept his door open and offered the brownies I sent up with him to those passing by. He LOVES it up there.

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@ mattie…that is a new take on the hotel story. The student I referred to ( 3:29 a.m) told my daughter that her parents did not want her to sleep in the dorm. Learning how to sleep in a dorm is somewhat inevitable ( to me) unless you have the option to live off campus.

If my painters get finished today, I can get off of this blog…hahaha…I am hostage!

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@MJG..My coworker is just the oposite (sp?)..She has access to all of her daughters accounts at her college and calls every day to check on something..She is the same way about her son..He’s in techinal school closer to home and she is always on the phone trying to find out about his hope money or refunds for his books, blah, blah..

Her daughter will call her to tell her that she’s sick and Mom gets on the phone right away to make a Dr. appt.. The son is 20 and she calls him every day to make sure that he’s getting up to get ready to go to work..Of course he’s not allowed to drive on the interstate, as it’s to dangerous..

I am sure that your son and daughter will do just fine in the “real” world when all of their schooling is doen and they are “grown”..

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@Why Dorms?

I for one an ever grateful for living in the dorms my freshman year. I graduated from UGA in May and went straight into my Masters. When I moved into college, I suffered from a real deep depression. It wasn’t that my mom wanted to stay- I didn’t want her to leave. My dad passed away when I was in 11th grade, my older brother by 4 years was suffering from personal problems and was kind of out of the picture at the time, my sister was married and had moved out, and I was so sad that I was going to leave my mom in our house all alone. My mom and I were, and still are, best friends- it’s hard seeing her so lonely. I also knew I would be lonely, as we were each other’s support.
I was lucky enough to live in OHouse, which was great, because it is the only dorm in which your next door neighbor can be of the opposite sex. I can get along with girls, but not too many of them for too long of a time. I met my best friends down the hall- two guys- freshman year and if it weren’t for them, I likely would not have stayed at school that year. They were my support. Once I got my antidepressants under control, it was much better- but I had not admitted to myself that I was depressed. I felt like medicine couldn’t fix my problem. I am an outgoing person, but also have extreme ADD, so I do not focus on meeting people in my classes. I have to sit in the front and just pay attention the whole time. My dorm friends can be partially credited for my success.

My mom tried to stay away freshman year, but in addition to missing her I also had a boyfriend at home and went home frequently. I was not real close with my roommate the first semester (it was a random roommate), but we got much closer second semester. Starting second semester, I stopped going home as frequently, and my mom only came up occasionally when invited. She would always come, invited my friends out to lunch/dinner, then go home.

After freshman year, I lived in an apartment. My mom helped me move in, and then left. My junior, senior, and now first year of grad school, I have lived in the same house. My mom helped me move in the first day, and now only comes up to go out to eat every now and then. We usually just meet up at my sisters house, which is half way between here an home.

I still have my bad days, mental health wise. I get really lonely at times, but have gotten a dog to help that problem, and it was the best decision of my life. It took a lot of convincing from my mom, since she still helps me pay my bills. She had always said that I could get a dog once I was 100% financially on my own. Once my psychiatrist suggested I keep a dog that I was fostering, I was able to convince her. I have also gotten extremely close to my sister, and probably go visit her (or vice versa) at least once every other week.

Financially, my mom still helps out. I do have a job, but school comes first and the job does not give enough money to pay rent, bills, etc. I pay for as much as I can, and then my mom helps out with what I cannot do. This semester I have a feeling it will be rougher, because of my school load, I feel as though I will not be able to work as much.

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Becky – my ex sister in law talks to her mother at least 5 times a day. She also calls her daughter, who is now in college, at least 8 times a day. When they first got divorced, she would call her daughter every 10 minutes. It was very annoying.

My daughter and I communicate by texting, maybe once or twice a day, I update her on things going on at home, and she tells me a few things going on with her. She calls me at least every two days. I know she is fine, she is independant and I have raised her to be that way. I know she is off on this new adventure in her life, and so am I. She needs to make her own decisions, and suffer any consequences those decisions may bring.

Now, my neighbor is a helicopter mom. She does EVERYTHING for her 20 year daughter, who has a two year old. This 20 year cannot function on her own. They allow her to drink, and smoke, and basically do whatever she wants. There is no respect in that house nor is there any structure. I think that is doing a horrible dis-service for the kids. I have allowed my daughter to fall on more than one occasion, and she has learned from that. If I do everything for her, how is she going to learn to stand on her own two feet?

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On one hand, I can see where it might be useful to give some parents a not-so-subtle hint that it’s time to let go, but at the same time I really don’t understand why colleges and universities think it’s their place to dictate these matters to students and their families.

My cousin just started her freshman year of college and not only does the university she’s attending require freshmen to live on campus, but they are not even allowed to have a car! I could never have tolerated any school I was paying tuition to (and I did pay part of my tuition myself) infringing on my personal freedom that way. Most of these kids are, legally anyway, adults and should be given a little more respect. Going off to college is an important opportunity for kids to establish some boundaries both for themselves and for their parents. A lot of universities these days just seem to be taking over the parenting role and by doing so they are robbing freshmen, and even upperclassmen, of an important opportunity to enjoy and appreciate their independance and the personal responsibility that comes with it.

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@Why Dorms?

If you are a shy/antisocial person, being in the dorms will help you to overcome that since you will be forced to get to know at least one person on campus…your roommate. Whether or not you like them is another issue. Most dorms are conveniently located to the lecture halls so if you wake up late, you can still get to class in a decent amount of time. There will be multiple late night study partners. If you do not have a car, you can find a job on campus and still have the ability to get to work. Dorm life makes it easier to participate in student organizations. For enclosed campuses, or campuses that only have one location, security is usually better because the campus police (some work for the schools local jurisdiction) are visible.

At some schools, it is cheaper to live on campus than in near by apartments, while the reverse is true for other schools. At my sister’s college it was cheaper to live in the apartments across the street than it was to live on campus. At my college, at first it was a comparable rate to live on campus, now it is just plain expensive to live on campus with a roommate.

If your dorms are priced comparably to the surrounding apartments with the important utilities included (gas, water, electric, internet), if you do not have a car and you are a shy/antisocial person, live on campus for the experience.

If your dorms are expensive compared to surrounding apartments w/utilities, stay off campus.

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@ slacker…sometimes the car issue is a matter of not enough parking.

I do not think Freshman can have a car at GA Tech. Parking permits are really high there. My daughter pays nearly $300 this year for a parking permit.

Her friends are expected to chip in $5 for gas if they want to ride home with her on the weekend, to see their family. If their parents prefer to drive out there and get their kids for $5, that is fine with me. It is 45 miles one way. She is paying for her car and parking. We pay the insurance.

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Ha! I’m an only child, and you would think my parents would have smothered me in college. Definitely not the case. They helped me move in, went back to their hotel, and I hung out with my new roommate and got to know the rest of the girls on my dorm hall that night. The next morning before they headed home, we did the Wal-mart and grocery run, and then it was a hug goodbye. They called maybe once a week or so and that was it (I admit I called them more often than they called me).

Once, during my sophomore year after I was allowed to have a car on campus, my car wouldn’t start when I had to leave for an off-campus job. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I called my dad, who was four hours away and did the whole “Daaaaad! My car won’t staaaaart!” God bless him, my dad didn’t miss a beat and immediately said “Well, what do you want me to do about it?” Ha! I handled calling AAA and getting a jump start and going to the nearest auto repair shop myself. It was a good lesson in fending for myself.

Hopefully this will bode well for when I send my girls off to college in about 15 years. ;)

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@MJG and lakerat

Some students are graduating in 5 and 6 years because they are working at Internships and Co-ops. The Co-op program at my school required that students take 3 semesters off to work full-time with a co-op company, alternating the semesters between school and work. So the junior year that would have taken two maybe three semesters to complete now takes six semesters or two years to complete.

On the other hand, I will agree those who take 6 or more years to complete a four year degree that were not in an internship, co-op, or any other program partied a year or two.

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MJG Becky — sorry — for some reason mjg’s address wouldn’t pull on my phone gmail so I needed to log in which i am doing now –= sorry!!

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@ motherjanegoose – that was the problem. They trusted their son and he never gave them reason to not trust him. They just paid the tuition bill. I told my daughter that I trusted her to do the right thing. Pay for it yourself or give me access.

@ hey LWA… I know. My daughter adn I have had this converstation. I don’t spend/send one red cent without access. No exceptions.

The only thing I will helicopter is my money that is spent on tuition.

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@Claire..That’s great to talk to your Mom every 2-3 days..I wish I still had my Mom to call..This coworkers daughter calls to tell her what color shirt she is wearing to school..what she ate for breakfast..what the French teacher said in class.. I just don’t think that you should call your Mom 8-10 times per day while she’s at work to talk about these types of things..

@JJ..The coworker lives at home with her Mom, so another thing that is real annoying is that the daughter will call her Mom at work and talk about whatever, then my coworker will call her Mom at home and repeat everything to her..Then she will discuss everything about her daughter to a lot of our customers that she has to talk to each day..To each their own I guess..

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OK, I guess I’ll refer to you as “not a slacker”, then. Sorry for the misunderstanding about the “mould”.

I’m not entirely sure what your point is (since I am indeed a slacker), or why you think my post was absurd. The large, urban university I went to had both dormitories and adequate parking for those who resided in them, but did not require freshmen, or anyone else for that matter, to live on campus. I stand by what I said, for the most part these “kids” are over 18, able to vote, pay taxes and often requiered to pay some, if not all, of their tuition. No college or university has any right to dictate to them where they live or what mode of travel they use (or don’t use, as the case may be).

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I attended Spelman College which is across the street from Morehouse College. We share some of the same “rituals” and “rites of passage” for lack of better words. Incoming freshmen have a week on campus to themselves. It is called Freshmen Week. The only other students on campus are Student Orientation Leaders. At Spelman we learned Spelman history, the Spelman hymn (I still get misty when I hear it), dos and don’ts about Spelman and the surrounding areas, etc. Our parents are long gone by then. Actually, there are only a few hours for moving in and I think you’re only allotted about 2 hours to get stuff out of the car/Uhaul before having to move your car off of campus. (Both Spelman and Morehouse are very, very small schools so you can’t just have 1800 parents’ vehicles on campus at the same time.) Parents also had a deadline for when they had to be off campus. There was no staying as long as Denise felt comfortable. If I was feeling apprehension I had to take it off campus to Daddy’s hotel or whatever restaurant we could find (i.e. not get lost getting to and from!). Yes, I cried when Daddy left the next morning but so what. I was 8 hours away (still am since I’ve been in Atlanta since I graduated from high school 19 years ago) and I did get homesick sometimes. But too bad, so sad. I had to suck it up. Daddy wasn’t running up here and I couldn’t run home. I had to figure it out. Daddy only came up here to visit when it was my birthday (we made that a tradition we keep even today) or a campus-wide, “parents are invited” event/weekend. I admit I was spoiled so he did come get me sometimes for long visits home until I could bring my car to school. Once I brought my car, it was up to me to decide when I went home.

No Velcro parent but I am close to my father and we made sure the physical distance didn’t interrupt our emotional bond. This is just how we are – our WHOLE family, from grandmother to the great-grandkids. No shame in our game. I am very independent and always has been. I don’t ask for anything of anybody unless I am desperate! And I mean desperate! I have 3 degrees. I am very successful. I have good credit. I owned a home at 24. So having a close bond with a family, even if you talk all the time, does not necessarily mean the child won’t turn out to be independent and productive.

I make no mention of my mother because she only came to Atlanta twice when I was in undergrad – when I graduated from Spelman and when I graduated from Georgia Tech. Parents divorced my freshman year so they definitely weren’t making the trip together for family weekend. LOL

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… with this mentality “No college or university has any right to dictate to them where they live or what mode of travel they use (or don’t use,…”, and being a slacker, it is a wonder you survive. Of course they have that right – just as cities and counties tell you where you can and cannot park or drive, universities have that same right…DUH

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My kids were pretty independent about the whole going off to college thing. With the two girls, we all went up and moved her stuff in, but did not stay and buy groceries or make the bed. With the boy, he tossed his 2 guitars in the back of his miata to take off, and his big sister came running out with sheets and a pillow and a towel. At the end of orientation, he had figured out what he needed and we brought it–about a 3 hour drive. All of them went to private college where food was part of the deal so we didn’t buy food or anything.

They all seemed to be glad I wasn’t hanging around. I know they were somewhat anxious (they had to be, right?) but I cried all the way home, every time.

I think it is appropriate that the colleges give you the shove. You have raised this child for 18 years, and you have done all you could to equip them. Now it is time to let them go. They are bright enough to solve problems or ask for help.

Did they call me? Yes, as needed, for advice. For example, once my daughter called because she had been poorly advised and was about to graduate but needed a class that was full. I told her which academic officer to go see, and told her to give the woman a chance to earn her money.

When my younger daughter fell at Agnes Scott and hurt her ankle, she called me as she lay in the stairwell and asked me to help her get in touch with campus security. The following is a true story:

Me: Hello? Campus security, my name is Mrs. Catlady. My daughter, Suzy, has fallen and is lying in the southmost stairwell of Agnes Scott Hall, between the second and third floors. Could you please go and check on this?

Officer: Who is this? Who is your daughter? Where is she? Why are you calling instead of your daughter?

Me: (I give him the answers to the first 3 questions.) I am calling because she does not have your number on her cell and she has hollered but no one seems to hear her.

Him: Who is your daughter? Where is she?

Me: (patiently answer again)

Him: What does she need?

Me: She needs someone to help her.

Him: Why can’t she go to her room?

Me: Because she has fallen down the stairs and cannot get up.

Him: Who is this again? Where is she?? What is your daughter’s name? What does she look like?

Me: (answers questions with a little exasperation). SHE IS THE ONLY GIRL LYING ON THE STAIRS BETWEEN THE SECOND AND THIRD FLOORS OF AGNES SCOTT HALL!

Him: Well, I guess someone better go check on her. Where is her roommate?

Me: She lives alone. No one seems to be around. Will you send someone to check on her.

Him: Yes. What is her name and where is she?

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to some extent. Yes, a University has the right to dictate where a person lives, as proven by precident, but I certainly wouldn’t attend a University that had that as a policy.

My freshman year of college, I had a job that required quite a bit of driving. It was a good job, making a LOT more money than any on campus type job would have provided.

I realize that many students who are enrolling in college may still be children, however, not all are and I would not want to attend a university that treated me in that way.

I didn’t attend there, but I think the model that GA State uses is pretty good. Going to school there is more like going to a job than your typical college campus. The city has all of the opportunities a person could ask, but the University isn’t the provider of all.

And really, what is this college experience that everyone seems to value so much. From what I can tell (and yes I did it and enjoyed it) its nothing more than binge drinking, free sex, and experimentation with psychedelic drugs.

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While I’ll agree some students really benefit from dorm life and have little, if any, need for a car, universities are severely limiting their student body by making such a stipulation (live on campus, no car). Many students, as I did, have to hold down a job while they are in college, and it is pretty difficult if not impossible for them to do so if they are not allowed to have a car. Yes, you can work on campus, but in my experience the pay at those jobs would not have made much of a dent in your tuition costs or living expenses.

I personally would never have wanted or even been able to attend a school with such a policy, but I suppose if others don’t have a problem with it than that’s fine, too.

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@ I agree with slacker…I did none of the things in your last sentence and I still enjoyed college.

@lakerat …if you are closer to Cumming, I am there too!

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@Slacker Mom: If your definition of “personal freedom” is having a car, then I suspect you wouldn’t do terribly well in New York City :-)

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When I took my daughter to college last fall, my niece, and my daughter’s best friend both went with us. Upon arrival, we unloaded the car, and carried everything up one flight of stairs (thank goodness only one flight). After we set up her room, we went and walked her schedule, from building to building. Once she was comfortable knowing where her classes were, we went out to lunch. We went back to the dorm, set up a few more things, then we all walked out of the building together. My daughter only knew 1 other person there (at that time), and she came and met us outside the building. We said our goodbyes, and the niece, best friend and I walked back to the car. The best friend turned around to get a glimsp several times and said – “She’s not even looking back”….I replied, “No, she has been ready for this day since she turned 18 years old.”

I came home to an empty house, and said “Now what do I do?”……

A lot has changed in the last year. I spent 18 years raising her, now I am ready to spend the next 10 years on ME. Then I will be ready for grandchildren.

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DB…you are a better Mom than me. I did not get up at 6;15 to fix them breakfast as mine would probably not have eaten it. I asked my daughter this weekend, if she wanted fresh blueberry pancakes…answer NO.

I am loving sleeping in until 7:30 and can generally keep it up as I usually do not have to be at schools until after 9:00.

Inside painting is almost finished….hoorah!

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Hey if parents think leaving a kid at college is hard, try watching your college graduate walk into the airport with full backpack on her way to spend 3 years with the Peace Corps in the armpit of West Africa. Now that is hard, but you keep it to yourself if you are a responsible parent.

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@MJG: Well, it wasn’t much — usually fresh muffins or sometimes pancakes or French toast. Sometimes it was just a fruit smoothie and a toasted slice of cinnamon raisin bread. But I always felt that kids had an easier time getting through the morning if they had something in their system. They didn’t know they had a choice of not eating, that was just the way it was :-) At least I wasn’t my mother, who fixed bacon, eggs, toast, orange juice and milk every morning of my young life!

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…you being an Agnes Scottie explains some of your previously posted “experimentations”…

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…yet he maintains that there should NEVER be a need to be controlled by credit scores – And, aren’t Fannie and Freddie about to be disbanded; even their Slobberin’ Barney has turned against them…

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@edge, in my humble opinion, a school requiring freshman to both pay extra to live on campus and not have a car is unreasonable and infringing on both their personal and financial freedom. I stand corrected when I say that a school may be within its right to make such a stipulation, but students have an equal right to tell the school to shove it and go someplace else. Yes, I realize many students do not have, want or need a car and wouldn’t want to live anyplace else beside the dorms, but I would still argue that that should be their choice, not the school’s. However many, including my cousin, don’t have any problem with the policy at all, and that is totally fine. If her parents are willing to pay her tuition in full (mine were not) and schlep her back and forth every time she needs to come home, than that’s their business.

Of course if a school doesn’t actually require a freshman to live on campus, only stipulates that anyone who choices to cannot bring their car with them, that is a different story…..

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BTW, some of you need to know about FERPA. If your child is over 18 the college does not even have to tell you if they registered, even if you are paying the tab. In fact, they can’t. However, I made it clear to my kids that if I wasn’t fully informed they were on their own. Legal niceities aside, there is the real world. And Mama is the queen of the real world.

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catlady…Oh yes, the red wall looks great! I am trying to put everything back now and my friend is doing the curtains for me, so we are on that tomorrow! Glad to have it done. They are painting outside now.

DB…keep an eye out for my son…maybe he will sign you on to his account…LOL…hugs to you!

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@OK, JATL -I went to UGA before I went to Agnes Scott, and I had a reeeeeeeeally good time a both places ;-) Let’s just say, I learned a lot in my classes and a lot out of my clothes, er, I mean, classes…

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