Reunion etiquette: Do you introduce hubby to boys you kissed?

My husband didn’t go to my 10-year reunion because he was out of town on business so this will be the first chance for me to introduce my husband to old friends and boys that I made out with in high school.

I say made out with because I didn’t have sex in high school. However, for the sake of this discussion I think the question should include boys you may have fooled around heavily with or had sex with in high school.

I personally think unless it was someone you really dated for a long time, you just completely ignore that you kissed or fooled around with the person and just introduce the person as a friend. (I have the same rule on Facebook. Everyone is just a friend. No past.)

Now I might would whisper to Michael before or after meeting the person, “Hey I kissed that guy.”

On a related issue, you often hear about old classmates getting together after the reunion.

We have several friends (divorced and single) that got together with people they either knew or dated in high school after their reunion. I think it’s really easy to see why. You’re on a short-hand basis with these people. They’ve known you for such a long time and used to know you really well.

Our class president and his wife were both classmates and friends of mine in school. It’s been funny working with them on the reunion because it’s just like no time passed at all. At one point during the planning the wife was yelling at her husband and then she put him on the phone for me to yell at him too. It was just like we were in high school again.

I think it’s easy to see how relationships could bloom from easy old friendships.

So what do you think: How much do you reveal to your spouse about your past relationships in high school? How do you introduce a significant other or a hook up to your spouse at a reunion?

On the corollary question: Did you get together with a former classmate at or after a reunion? (Hopefully not while you’re married per DB’s description the other day.)

54 comments Add your comment

justmy2cents

July 16th, 2010
7:41 am

My husband already knows all the “sordid” details of my past, so going to a reunion would not require divulging any new information to him. It almost sounds like you want to make him jealous by saying you made out with a guy…he should already know your “magic number”. Of course, I didn’t date in high school…who wants some fumbling, bumbling teenager….I gained my “experience” in the Army; much better options there LOL

Jeff

July 16th, 2010
8:15 am

I think it depends on your spouse’s jealousy quotient and your relationship. Jealousy is such a wasted emotion but I think there is a natural small bit of jealousy in the right instance that is reasonable. If I were to be married again, I’d want a heads up from the wife just so I would know what level of conversation was appropriate with the guy (or girl, I guess LOL). The other factor would be; has my wife (or SO) moved on from it?

Photius

July 16th, 2010
8:16 am

Sure! I told my wife everything. Her reply was normally, “Aren’t you glad you wound up with me instead of that girl – she’s huge!!!” Same with the men – most blow up to incredible weight limits so there should be no realistic threat to your significant other.

Andrea

July 16th, 2010
8:16 am

I would think you and your husband would have already had whatever discussions needed regarding your pasts. I would just introduce them by name and leave it at that. No need (IMO) to say this was a platonic friend, this was a kissing friend, this friend felt me up, etc. LOL – have fun.

WGD

July 16th, 2010
8:20 am

My wife already knew of the girls I dated and/or “fooled” around with prior to the reunion. Introducing her to them, however, allowed her to put a face to the name. There was no jealousy.

DB

July 16th, 2010
8:35 am

How do you introduce them? “Hubby, I’d like you to meet Andy. Andy, this is my husband, Hubby.” What else do you say? I wouldn’t add editorial asides telling my husband “I kissed him”, etc., unless asked. And frankly, my husband wouldn’t bother asking. :-)

@Jeff, what difference would it make to the conversation if your wife HAD kissed a guy? Just what in the heck were you planning to do — compare notes?!?

Michelle

July 16th, 2010
8:39 am

As with most of the posters, I would think he would already know most/part of it! LOL! I only hooked up with one person from high school and that was after our 10 year reunion. Other than that, I didn’t really date anyone from school. Now, if we were to go to the local bar…. ;o) But, since he frequented there too (and that’s where we met) he knows most of the details!

Unless the person was “special” to you, I wouldn’t bother with pointing out your past. Everyone has one. Most people experimented in high school.

JJ

July 16th, 2010
8:48 am

Seriously? It was in your past, and your past is what makes you who you are today. So what if you kissed a boy before you met Michael. This is just silly.

Choco MILF Hunter

July 16th, 2010
9:00 am

This is just silly.

+1

motherjanegoose

July 16th, 2010
9:08 am

I dated 3 guys in HS. One was serious ( for a 17 year old). I had college plans and he did not. We broke up in March ( my senior year) . He found someone else to marry by the August. I was crushed. I was driving home from college one weekend and saw him working construction on the side of the road. I pulled over and he hopped in. We talked. He was divorced and I was engaged. I told him all about my fiance ( now husband) and our plans.

My husband knew all about my high school boyfriends. I told him before we went and introduced them while there. I was not sexually intimate. At the 20th reunion the serious date was thrilled to see me and we spent a lot of time talking…the group got bigger as classmates came over to join in. I was class Vice President in a small HS. I had a great time. My husband wandered around and visited with others. Afterwards, he asked;
“what were you talking about for SO long?’ He shared that ( while I was talking to peers) he had met a nice lady who was now a Doctor and that she said she did not hang in the same circle I did. They chatted. I asked him who it was and when he told me, I chuckled….she was not a star student but was a partier ( not something I did). She obviously made something of herself…good for her! Life can take a new course!

Yesterday, I thought about my high school love, as the neighbor boy( my daughter babysits) was mimicing an electric guitar ( hearing music while we ate lunch after running errands). My HS love now plays electric guitar in a rock band and drives a motorcycle. He loves his life but it is not even on the same sidewalk as mine…I would be way too boring…LOL. I would not be doing what I do if I were married to him and I love what I do!

To me, it would be different if you lived within an hour of your high school and sometimes see classmates. I am 700 miles away and NEVER see anyone! Anyone?

YUKI

July 16th, 2010
9:11 am

Yeah, no offense but this is a bit much. I kissed (only) a lot of boys in high school, but I doubt I’d be pointing them out at my reunion. Only if it was something like, “that’s the first boy I ever kissed” or something that might be interesting. It sounds like you are trying to make him a little jealous, maybe? I’m sure he knows you kissed boys in high school and I doubt he needs to know who…I know my husband wouldn’t care and would most likely be annoyed if I kept pointing them out. It’s 20 years ago and we are all grown ups now!! :)

SuwaneeMommy

July 16th, 2010
9:30 am

Are you serious? Just what are you going to accomplish by telling your husband you made out with some random person 20+ years ago?

TTPB

July 16th, 2010
9:38 am

HS is HS but I would think at a 20-year reunion, your HS relationships are now ancient history! I can certainly understand feelings of anxiety and awkwardness, but this seems to indicate some level of insecurity. After 20 years, I would hope that you have moved on (eduation, marriage, etc.) and matured (shared most of your past experiences with your SO). I am not naive, but know of several HS relationships that have rekindled after a reunion. It is a beautiful thing (and sometimes I think it was probably meant to be) as long as they are both single and ready for the relationship. I still maintain friendships with both male and female friends from HS … and I graduated HS over 35 years ago!

@MJG

July 16th, 2010
9:43 am

TMI as usual.

Becky

July 16th, 2010
9:45 am

Never dated any guy that I went to school with, so not a big issue for me..The guys that I dated while in school were about 8-10 years older than me..I work less than 8 miles from the high school that I attended and have never been to a reunion..I graduated in ‘81 and have probably seen 3-4 people that I went to school with since then..So if I didn’t want to date them in high school, I sure don’t want to “hook” up with them now?

abc

July 16th, 2010
9:49 am

Kind of difficult to relate; I haven’t seen anyone from high school since then, and I don’t have much interest in seeing any of them again, so I doubt I’d go to a reunion. I figure if all this time can go by without any contact, then being best buds then doesn’t apply much to now. Needless to say, I don’t do facebook either!

JATL

July 16th, 2010
9:50 am

Oh my lord! Are you still in high school? Who cares? My husband and I both have met several people who the other slept with at some point in time. Sometimes we each knew this info going into the situation, and others -no -although we’ve each had a moment upon leaving a party or wherever we ran into the others where we’ve both said to each other, “You slept with him/her, didn’t you?” It’s always said laughingly, and quite honestly neither of us has run back into anyone that made us question being together! Of course I would (and have) introduce my husband. You don’t even have to say anything unless it comes up (and I wouldn’t for guys you just kissed at a party or on one or two dates), but I’m really hoping Michael knows you at least saw some action before him!

JATL

July 16th, 2010
9:54 am

@Michelle -LOL! I just read your post and the bar part made me laugh -exactly the same for me!

RH

July 16th, 2010
10:03 am

“Oh my lord! Are you still in high school? Who cares?”

IMHO, I think many adults still have a HS “mentality” about them. I just had my 25th HS reunion and I wish that I had not attended. as alot of folks have really not grown up. I am even considering shuttering my FB account just to get rid of some of these people.

As long as you are truly happy with your life NOW none of the past HS stuff should matter. That being said many revisit the past to escape the present – sad but true! :(

Becky

July 16th, 2010
10:26 am

As the Garth Brooks song says..”Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers”

DB

July 16th, 2010
10:35 am

I was astonished at how many people at my 30th reunion a few years ago were still in “high school mentality” — several of them had married and divorced and remarried within the same circle. Hanging out with them at the after-party was boring in the extreme, because even after 30 years, all they could talk about were the people that weren’t there — in about the same tone of gossipy incredulity that they were using 30 years ago! Personally, I think it would be the 9th level of hell to still be stuck with the same group for my entire life, live around the same neighborhood, etc. Not that my high school wasn’t nice or it wasn’t a nice neighborhood — but it just seems so hideously limited not to get out into the world and see and live new things.

One of the guys that never gave me a second glance sat down at my table at the reunion and started chatting with me. After a few minutes, he looked at me incredulously and said, “I don’t know why we never got together when we were in school!” My response: “Because Tracy and Deb put out and I didn’t?” He laughed and agreed ruefully. The attendees ran the gamut from the never-married party animals (who were still making out in the cloak closets!) to the couple that married a month after graduation, had five kids, and now had 7 grandchildren — eek! They sat in a corner and sorta looked stunned the entire evening.

a husband

July 16th, 2010
11:00 am

Your husband is not interested in it. Hell, he isn’t interested in hearing any stories from high school. Be they romantic or otherwise. He is going with you because you want him there and that will make you happy. He will smile and nod along. But he doesn’t really care all that much about your highschool days and certainly doesn’t want to hear about your kissing some guy 20 years ago.

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

July 16th, 2010
11:14 am

@a husband…on the contrary..maybe he does want to hear about it so that he can share stories about some of the girls he nailed pre-marriage in the hopes wifey lets out her “things I should have done” wild side. Guys love their wives to get slutty with them.

Devildog

July 16th, 2010
11:20 am

I got a kick out of watching guys drool over my wife at her high school’s 40th reunion. She still has it today, too. As far as mine goes, I was the runt of the litter and had to go to “13th Grade (U.S. Marine Corps)” before anyone thought anything about me, so I haven’t wasted my time with HS reunions. I DO go to the Marine Corps Birthday Party every Nov. 10 at the Blue Ribbon Grill, though, and I still keep in touch with guys from 9th Marines buddies from Japan days . . . and that was 52 years ago.

Photius

July 16th, 2010
11:22 am

Who wants to go to their spouses’ high school reunion – I mean really? I’d rather have a root canal.

kdfAtlanta

July 16th, 2010
11:23 am

“I didn’t have sex in high school”…UHHH, yeah right! “My husband didn’t go to my 10-year reunion because he was out of town on business”…UHHH, yeah right!

new mom

July 16th, 2010
11:27 am

I personally don’t plan to point anyone out…and will follow the facebook thing that everyone is ‘just a friend from high school’. But Theresa, I’m sure you are having fun planning it, and I’m looking forward to going and seeing everybody! And I loved your story about the pres. & wife. I can totally picture that entire conversation with the three of you!! :)
And on a side note, I am glad I didn’t go to any other reunions. I wasn’t ever going to go to them, and have heard horrible stories of people going to their 10 yr and never going back to another. Apparently 10 years isn’t long enough for some people to grow up! But hopefully after 20, it should be fun. :)

Beck

July 16th, 2010
12:17 pm

If he doesn’t already “know” them from anecdotes you’ve told him; there’s no need to “introduce” new information at this point.

I’m with “just silly” and “bad idea” at this point.

Could it be that you’re wishing the resent was more interesting or different and that’s why you’re looking to revisit the past? (I don’t mean that as a slam; it’s a serious question.)

Van Jones

July 16th, 2010
12:35 pm

Do the right thing and give your husband a pass on this. Not only does he not care which boys you may have kissed in high school, he will be bored out of his mind being introduced to so many people that he will immediately forget.
My wife and I have each given the other an easy out for the last reunions we attended and were both thrilled to receive them.

FCM

July 16th, 2010
12:38 pm

OMG! If he didn’t have a “past” and you didn’t either I would think something is wrong with y’all. Who the heck cares if you kissed the guy, spent the night etc. Now did you birth a kid with him? Did you marry him…this would be akward but should be divludge early.

Why do you feel the need to say hey I kissed him…it is the past. Let it die or just cherish the sweet memory but for petes sake why tell your SO?

I cannot believe that this really is what goes through peoples minds

Photius

July 16th, 2010
12:44 pm

Please…. let Michael stay at home with Bourbon and total control of clicker. He will thank you!

Becky

July 16th, 2010
12:45 pm

@Tiger..Saw in the paper couple days ago that y’all are the number one state for being in shape..

Even if I did go to a class renunion, it wouldn’t matter much, because I knew my husband while I was in high school..

Sk8ing Momma

July 16th, 2010
1:00 pm

Oh, my! Is this *really* an issue??? I’m from the same school of thought as Andrea…Just introduce people by their names ~ no commentary necessary! Who cares what happened 20 years ago?!

Reflection

July 16th, 2010
1:16 pm

What if your wife introduces you to the football team?

Becky

July 16th, 2010
1:28 pm

@reflection..Then her tombstone will not say that she missed out on much will it?

Dar

July 16th, 2010
2:01 pm

I never dated anyone in my own school — sort of a “don’t poop where you eat” mentality. I don’t do reunions anyway. I left my hometown 17 years ago and was there for a day for my sister’s wedding about 9 years ago. I recently went back to see family and virtually nothing has changed; same old quaint little town. I know from sneaking around FB a time or two what most of my old classmates are doing with their lives and it is not interesting enough to keep me distracted at work so it certainly would make not make for a very exciting reunion. IMHO I look good and am successful, but I really don’t care whether people I have not seen in 20 years know it…I guess I am a party-pooper because I really don’t understand the hoopla of class reunions and why anyone would want to go to one, especially people who get all nervous and fret worrying about what a certain group of people from some far-away town think of them.

Reflection

July 16th, 2010
2:05 pm

She kept bragging about the right guard! I thought it would have been the quarter back or half backs.

JT

July 16th, 2010
2:05 pm

My wife knows about them all. In fact she knows a couple of them personally. Not an issue..

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

July 16th, 2010
2:06 pm

@Becky…why yes we are! Clean living out here….with copious amounts of whiskey and microbrews!

I think TWG secretly WANTS to point out all the boys she kissed. Just a theory of mine, but I’ve met quite a few women who were as straightlaced as our host who have this “I can be naughty” rep they try to uphold. I think they somewhat regret going the straight and narrow so stringently in their youth. Especially now that the years have shown them that all the “naughty” girls pretty much grew up and had no real ill effects from the dalliances they engaged in that earned them the scorn and labels of “slutty”, “loose”, and “party girls” by the “good girls” who lived their lives like TWG and her ilk.

So my premise TWG is you really want to tell Michael “see that boy over there….yeah, I made out with him…teeheehee….I was so BAD!”

But the fact of the matter is that you’re going to get a big “So what” from Michael. Unless you point out two guys at the reunion and describe a drunken night that you played Chines finger cuffs with them, you’re not going to raise an eyebrow from him. So don’t pretend like the question is whether or not you point out these guys to Michael because of how his feelings might be affected, because the only person who cares is you.

Cynthia M

July 16th, 2010
2:43 pm

I usually enjoy your discussions, this one was way beneath the average age of your readers. After being married now for over 33 years, I really don’t think my husband cares who I may have kissed more than 30 years ago. He is the only one I have kissed for about 35 years – isn’t that what really matters?

Jeff

July 16th, 2010
3:19 pm

DB, All I’m saying is that my conversation with her ex would have certain boundaries that would not exist with someone she was never involved with. I didn’t phrase that well earlier and I apologize.

DUHHHH

July 16th, 2010
3:29 pm

It’s not just the subject that is sophomoric, “I might would whisper”???? and you expect us to believe that you have a degree?

catlady

July 16th, 2010
4:05 pm

I like to (sort of) quote Miss Manners. When someone inquired, “At a dinner party, how do I introduce a couple who are living together but not married?” she responded, “What kind of parties do you give that the sexual affiliations of the guests need to be declared at the door?”

Another one:”What do I say when introduced to a gay couple?” she responded, “How do you do? How do you do?”

Active Duty Mom

July 16th, 2010
6:02 pm

Catlady, Beck, & Photius, good points all. Teresa, unless you were married and/or had a baby with someone from the reunion, why is it important to kiss and tell your husband? For that matter, how would you feel if your husband pointed out girls he had dated/been intimate with from high school? My guess is that you wouldn’t be too crazy about it and it would make you uncomfortable. Food for thought.

motherjanegoose

July 16th, 2010
6:25 pm

@ @ MJG…yes, I am known for TMI and that is nothing new here.

I have a friend who is in her 60’s. She ran into a friend who says she will certainly be buried in her HS colors. Me, not so much…purple and gold are not part of my wardrobe.

@ DB, I concur with branching out. Most folks I have met since HS and even college are far more interesting….including you :).

jan

July 17th, 2010
9:28 am

This is really high school drama that teenagers bring home. Isn’t there a topic that might actually help parents and their kids or did you just want us all to know that you had other options than the one you married. Mommania, I thought was about our kids not your past boyfriends. Guess with him gone you needed a little extra attention from you blog. Hope you got it.

catlady

July 17th, 2010
1:18 pm

Rule of thumb: If you didn’t marry the guy or have a child by him, he doesn’t need to know. And if you did do those, things, hopefully he already knows.

catlady

July 17th, 2010
8:21 pm

Soooo, Teresa, how was it!?

deidre_NC

July 17th, 2010
8:26 pm

from what ive seen of several people i went to high school with i wouldnt admit to anything :) ..course maybe they wouldnt either lol

deidre_NC

July 17th, 2010
8:29 pm

miss manners rocks