When should kids focus on one sport above all others?
Keith Still, a mother of three, is filling in for Theresa Giarrusso today.
Today, my oldest daughter (12-years-old) is taking her first real gymnastics class, and I’m a little anxious to see how things go.
It’s not as if she is about to enter a totally-unknown world. We have already spent many hours a week in this gym with her little sister (our 6-year-old). I know the coaches and what they expect. Because of that, I also know how young most of the “beginners” are and how quickly they go from beginner to developmental to team gymnasts.
Unlike my little one, though, my 12-year-old doesn’t harbor any dreams of being a team gymnast. (That’s probably good, because from what I can tell, if you’re just learning gymnastics at 12 years old, you are several years behind most of the competitive gymnasts out there.) Instead, she is taking her first class in an effort to improve her tumbling skills before cheerleading tryouts at her school next year.
I admire my middle schooler’s desire to set a long-term goal and work toward it. All three of my girls are consistently involved with extracurricular sports or activities. My 9-year-old tends to focus on team sports, and my youngest was bitten hard by the gymnastics bug a couple of years ago. But my oldest, while always into something, tends to flit from one activity or sport to another. That never really concerned me until now.
In the past, we have encouraged each of our girls to try a wide variety of different sports; see what they liked. We didn’t want them to feel like they had to do soccer or softball or dance for the rest of their childhood just because that’s the first activity they chose. If they expressed interest in tennis, we signed them up for lessons. If after a while, they wanted to try basketball, that was fine too.
While I still think that’s a good idea in theory, I have begun to look around at my daughter’s friends – most of whom have found an interest somewhere along the line and stuck with it. Cheerleading is a prime example. At 12 years old, most of the girls who are trying out for the middle school squad have been cheering for years on parks and rec or even competition leagues. It doesn’t mean that beginners like my daughter have no chance of making the squad, but it does put them at a big disadvantage.
That brings me to this morning’s gymnastics. I am anxious, because I realize my daughter could well be the oldest girl in the beginner’s class (it’s for girls 8 and up). I don’t know if she will feel self-conscious being as much as four years older than her classmates; if she will be discouraged; or what. I hope she will realize everyone has to begin somewhere, and that this is a first step toward reaching her personal goal. Deep down, however, I also hope there’s another 12-year-old in the class.
Did your children focus on a particular sport or activity early on? If so, did it make a difference in their ability to fully participate or even excel? Did they (or do they) ever regret missing the opportunity to explore other activities? Do you worry they might burn out on the sport?
If your child didn’t zero-in on an interest early on, have they found it difficult to make it in school sports or other organized sports because they came late to the game? Are there particular sports or activities that are especially difficult to begin at a later age? Are there sports to which kids typically don’t focus on until middle or high school?
At what age should a child begin to focus on one particular interest or activity over all of the others?
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71 comments Add your comment
FCM
June 22nd, 2010
2:09 pm
TechMom I was a competive swimmer but not an Olympic Training one. I know the benefits of a healthy life style. Can also tell you I never seem to be able to get back to that….I am overweight and admit it. I am not going to be a candidate for Biggest Loser anytime soon but I am not size 10 either.
Good friend of mine played soccer AND cheered for years. Knee injury derailed her. She packed on the pounds.
Kudos to those that can and I do find a way to make it all work.
Meanwhile, I will keep trying to get it too.
Robin
June 22nd, 2010
2:17 pm
Young@heart Who really knows with these bully parents, but I honestly think they like to see good kids falter, because it makes their kid look better. Twisted I know, but the kids worry me to as well … the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree! One thing is for sure it will drive you nuts trying to analyze these loonies.
Stay stong and good luck. It sounds as though your son is a terrific athlete with a bright future with good, sane parents! :)
TechMom
June 22nd, 2010
2:24 pm
I’m not saying that just b/c you’re active in your younger years guarantees a healthy lifestyle/weight when you’re older but it sure does help.
My husband was always the ‘chunky’ child in his class and comes from a family of serverly obese people. He wasn’t motivated to get active until he got to high school, fell in love with football and did everything he could to be in good physical shape. But when HS ended and so did football (after a knee injury as well), he packed on the weight. I tried everything I could to get him active but he hates running. The only physical activity he really enjoys is referreeing football. Upside- he gets paid for those workouts. Downside- they’re only 4 months a year. I keep trying to get him to broaden his horizons and look beyond football but so far I haven’t had any luck.
JATL
June 22nd, 2010
2:42 pm
@Becky -why should you do something or develop an athletic skill just because of where it will take you as an adult? What about doing something you like at the time for fun’s sake? IF, by some stroke of luck, one of my sons is incredibly talented in a sport or one of the arts fields, then GREAT -I hope he gets a scholarship and makes a career out of it. However, being more realistic, I feel like I just want to instill in my kids the aspects of teamwork, practice, reaching goals, having fun, being active and physically fit, losing gracefully and striving to do your best -and I think many types of extracurricular activities and athletics do a great job at teaching those skills. THOSE are the things you use the rest of your life and it really doesn’t matter if you learned them being a competitive cheerleader, dancer, baseball player or golfer. I just want my kids to have fun doing something active and something that helps develop their mental abilities -anything extra is just gravy.
JJ
June 22nd, 2010
2:45 pm
I tell ya, the best way to get exercise is to get a dog. You are forced to walk them and play with them!!! LOL I have two and I just love our walks. I like to get out early though, before it gets too hot. Just this past Saturday I was out walking at 6:30 A.M. I took the dogs out to pee and I thought, wow it’s so nice, let’s go for a walk. So I leashed them both up and off we went. I was back home at 7:15. NICE……..no traffic, no noise, humidity isn’t too bad…….
Becky
June 22nd, 2010
2:53 pm
@Lori..I would think that thats why most people do what they do, because they love it..Maybe I said that wrong, but I still agree with JJ and think that once out of high school or college, it wouldn’t be that important..
FCM
June 22nd, 2010
3:11 pm
TechMom…swimming is good for knee injuries. I just never have the time to hit the pool. I do seem to have shed a few inches since I bought a split level house….6 to the bedrooms and 13 to the basement….13 more to get to the car. Inevitably I forget something and have to go back up them again. I admit sometimes I get the kids to run it…especially if I did it several times recently and my knee is bothering me.
I also mowed the lawn (push mower not electric or gas) and did that on purpose to get the exercise. I have a treadmill once I get it set back up.
motherjanegoose
June 22nd, 2010
4:03 pm
@ JJ… after being in Washington, Montana, Idaho and Oregon, I am sweltering in this heat. The clear and cool air were absolutely wonderful but it was something to be at the beach where there were NO beach umbrellas, lawn chairs or coolers…only walkers and mostly in pants…the temp. was 55-65 degrees. I walk my little dog too but end up stopping to talk to at least one or two folks along the way…LOL!
Denise
June 22nd, 2010
4:53 pm
I think that sports are good for a lot of things, even for those of us who are not great athletes. Like someone upthread said, teamwork and hard work are learned in sports (as well as other situations). What I really learned was how to work hard at doing something and ENJOY IT even when I wasn’t that great. Sure I could have quit once I stopped growing (9th grade), when it was clear that I’d never be a volleyball powerhouse, but why? I was a math and science nerd and I knew that was where I was going “in life” so why not have some fun. I quit softball because I sucked soooo bad that it was not fun AND because there was no team at my high school…but mainly because I sucked so bad. LOL! I say that anything a parent can do to help a child broaden his/her social skills, physical activity, and build life skills – all within the financial and time limits that make sense for the family – should be encouraged. Parents just have to make sure it is about the KIDS, not THEM living vicariously thru the kids. I say that but if I get married and have a 6′0 tall daughter you better believe she’s going to be fulfilling my dream of being a volleyball star…JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!! :-)
Keith
June 22nd, 2010
5:02 pm
Hi all — First day of gymnastics went well. There were only about 6 girls in the class — but at least two of them were my daughter’s age or slightly older. She had fun and she wasn’t the only middle schooler out there, so I’d say today was a success.
MJG — We were out in Washington, Idaho and Oregon this time last year. While the girls loved it out there, they just couldn’t get used to the cold, Pacific waters. Since they don’t see the purpose of being at the beach if you can’t get in the water, they would run in (without wet suits) and come back out a minute later, shivering with blue lips. They were probably the only people on the entire Oregon coast crazy enough to venture into the ocean.
motherjanegoose
June 22nd, 2010
5:38 pm
@ Keith…it WAS beautiful and we had a great time. I was out on business and my husband joined me in Portland. He had never been to Oregon. We may want to go back next year and explore some more. We were in St. Augustine the week of Memorial Day and right on the beach…the two beaches could not have been more different but we enjoyed both events! We drove up the coast and went to the aquarium too. Fun!
Mary
June 22nd, 2010
6:27 pm
I think the key is balance: let the child try an activity that interests them, and if they lose interest, allow them to stop after they’ve fulfilled the commitment. My son tried soccer and gymnastics when he was very young. Both organizations stressed fun, fitness, and teamwork, not competition. When he was seven, he wanted to try taekwondo. We warned him that the commitment was for at least a year, and that he would have to stick with it that long. Two and a half years later, he has earned his black belt. He has competed in several tournaments and has done well. At his age, we will not travel long distances to tournaments, but will let him compete locally (in the Atlanta area), if he chooses to do so. He loves the sport so much that he has inspired me to take up taekwondo myself. When and if he ever tires of it, we’ll stop.
irisheyes
June 22nd, 2010
6:58 pm
My oldest plays baseball in the spring and soccer in the fall. He played basketball two winters ago, but not last year. We just didn’t have the money at the time. He likes all three sports, and is decent in them all. He’s a very social person, so playing on a sports team is great for him. I’m just glad he’s not good enough to play on a travel team. I’d have to get a 2nd job to pay for all of that!
My middle doesn’t play sports. He played baseball for a couple of years, but I was spending $100+ for him to dig in the outfield dirt twice a week. :-) This spring, he went to the park when the oldest had a game and played on the playground and rode his scooter. He probably got MORE exercise than the oldest playing baseball!
The youngest one is three. I’ll probably follow the same plan as the oldest until he lets me know what he wants. My middle son was VERY clear about how he did not like sports.
Momof3
June 23rd, 2010
8:13 am
Yep. I’m not really into cheerleading either, but don’t understand the bashing. My daughter did it for 2 years by her choice and stopped by her choice when cheerleading forced her to miss her softball game. During cheerleading, her workouts/practices were very focused and I don’t remember people on her squad being little divas. Maybe her squad was an exception. Softball is her love, but she also plays basketball. She has tried a little bit of everything available in our community. She gravitates toward softball. I encourage her to keep it up. Do I think softball will pay for college? No. she likes to play and softball can continue well into her adult life if she chooses.
My middle child has tried football, soccer, wrestling, basketball, and baseball. He has stayed with football, but wrestling is what he loves. He loves the conditioning needed in football and wrestling, so I anticipate track will also appeal to him someday. I just want him to do what he loves. Do I want him to excel? Yes. Am I crazy over the top about it? Only when he is wrestling on the mat. I turn back into a normal person when the match is over. Again, do I think sports will pay for college? No.
The youngest (6) loves baseball. He has tried football, but was more about looking cute in his uniform and waving to the fans than he was about playing. He decided on his own not to play football this year. He wants to try wrestling this year because some of his friends are going to try it. I will make him complete the season, but if he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t have to do it again next year. Of all three kids, he seems to have chosen a focus much earlier than his siblings. We will see where it leads.
I think focusing on a single sport is different for each kid. Right now, we try any sport we can afford and fit into the schedule without making others in the family miserable.
My husband and I believe the more active the kids are, the less time they will have to get in trouble later. He and I both did things we shouldn’t have in high school, and those things started when we strayed from those organized activities we began early in life. I don’t think sports will pay for college for our kids. We expect them to get to college on their brains. Hopefully, we will teach them that working hard at academics and exercise are both important.
Momof3
June 23rd, 2010
8:13 am
Wow. Sorry that was so long.
motherjanegoose
June 23rd, 2010
8:56 am
Momof3…good points. We also know kids who were introduced to things they should not have been doing via their peers in organized sports, so one never knows.
catlady
June 23rd, 2010
9:00 pm
My children were somewhat constrained by finances and maternal time, plus the rest of their lives: school, church, volunteer work, family time. Part of their growing up was in a very very rural area where opportunities were scarce. While I was in grad school (7 continuous years) we had little money. They were able to be involved in band and any one sport at a time. My son played baseball for a number of years,and was active in band and theater. My elder daughter danced for several years, and played tennis and basketball (really badly) one year each
and was yearbook editor and first chair flute. My younger daughter, however, feasted on the opportunities: softball, baseball, basketball, cheerleading, dance, gymnastics, theater, band. She found that she really enjoyed basketball (but wasn’t very good) and theater and dance. After classes in saxaphone, she taught herself to play the flute and piano. Looking back, she wishes she had taken dance more years, but, like your daughter, she got a late start, eschewing dance classes for years.
I think you let them follow their interests, within the boundaries you have to set (financial, time, other responsibilities). Some figure out what thrills them early-on, and some don’t.
Jesse's Girl
June 24th, 2010
10:57 am
Cheerleading…like any other sport…should be pursued because the CHILD, not the parent, wants it. My kids love it. I only became a coach after seeing I had a knack for it. The pure strngth and tsamina it takes to compete in cheer is mind blowing. These kids can flip for days and throw eachother in the air with precision. My gym is highly monitored and mentored. These kids share a passion for their chosen sport just like soccer/gooftball/basketball kids do. There is no need for the snarky comments. Its absolutely NOT like pageants. Look at any cheerleader after a game or a competition….she/he isn’t prancing around all prissy like. They are tired and sweaty…but pumped up like you can’t believe! When its your kids’ passion…..you allow it to the best of your ability. If they felt as strongly about chess….then chess it would be.
Jesse's Girl
June 24th, 2010
10:58 am
Sorry for the typos…..
catlady
June 24th, 2010
9:39 pm
Keith, my younger daughter tried out for cheerleading at the end of 6th grade and made it, with no experience (and only a little gymnastics when she was 8 at UGA). She did it for 4 years and enjoyed it (except for the other girls, many of whom she did not like). It was a good experience for her–both the trying out, and the actually doing it. Don’t worry about it–it will add to her poise, etc, to prepare to try out. Good for her for setting a goal and figuring out how to try to make it happen!
Why all the cheer bashing?
June 24th, 2010
11:53 pm
Why do people who don’t know anything about cheerleading feel like they are qualified to put it down. I would never assume to make negative comments about sports i wasn’t qualified to talk about. Like all sports out there, cheerleading has changed sooo much in the last 10 years. It’s not like it was back in the day. Today’s cheerleaders are a mixture of gymnist, dancer, weight lifter, and more. It is so much more than pom poms. Todays high school cheerleading is very competitive, with cheerleaders needing skills that take many years to acquire to be successful. So many kids start training for these skills earlier in life.
Why do most people describe cheerleaders as “Divas”? ARe you refering to the ones you see in movies? Because that is such a fake representation of what cheerleading is like. And the majority of these kids involved in cheerleading are doing it because they want to, not because they are being forced to by the parents.
If your child wants to try cheerleading….let them. My girls have learned more life skills in cheerleading than in any other sport they have tried.