Married but looking for an affair? AshleyMadison.com has your match!

While researching the nanny rearing cheaters story I ran across another crazy story I wanted to share.

This story on Time.com mentions a Web site that is similar to Match.com except that it is for MARRIED people to find matches for AFFAIRS!

The site is called AshleyMadison.com and it guarantees that you too can find someone with whom to have an affair. Their tag line is “Life is short, have an affair.”

The Toronto-based site, which was launched in 2001, has had its membership double over the past year to 4 million.

Time.com reports that:

“Critics call AshleyMadison a cruel sex site that profits from marital pain. “This is a business built on the back of broken hearts, ruined marriages and damaged families,” says Trish McDermott, a dating-industry consultant who helped found Match.com and Engage.com. “It’s in the business of rebranding infidelity,” she says, “making it not only monetizable, but adding a modicum of normalcy to it. AshleyMadison is making bad choices, broken promises and faithlessness look like something that’s trendy and hip and fun to talk about at a cocktail party.”

“We’re just a platform,” responds CEO Noel Biderman. “No website or 30-second ad is going to convince anyone to cheat,” he says. “People cheat because their lives aren’t working for them.”

The site charges members $49 to contact up to 20 members. Members don’t pay to receive messages, just to make contact, so often women use the site for free.

“Dorothy, a 45-year-old Floridian whose screen name begins with SexyMom, says she’s been married for 20 years but started using the site four months ago because her husband constantly turned down sex and refused marriage counseling. “It’s like the seven-year itch, but 20 years later,” she says. “My husband never throws me a compliment. Now I meet guys who say, ‘You’re so hot,’ or ‘You have great eyes.’”

As of when Time wrote the story, Dorothy had met seven men though the site. She said her husband doesn’t know how to use the computer.

Other sites like this exist but the article says AshleyMadison is the most successful.

So I am just completely floored by this story and this Web site. I can’t believe something like this even exists (and now I’ve given it lots of publicity)!

So what do you think about this Web site? Would you ever use a service like this? Have you used a service like this? Do you think affairs are generally this arranged or people just fall into them by having chemistry with someone at work or with a friend?

101 comments Add your comment

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Jeff

March 31st, 2010
7:09 am

A.M. has been around for several years. I’ve never used it and am not interested, but I can understand the appeal. It seems it would be the ultimate safety affair in the sense that the spouse is not as likely to find out as they would be if it were someone from work, the gym, etc. Additionally, with there being less shame for the one sleeping with the married person (see Tiger’s mistresses), why WOULDN’T you put yourself out there if that is the type of thing you are OK with doing.

In short (too late), this doesn’t surprise me at all.

Thanks for the tip...

March 31st, 2010
7:09 am

…I will become an active member just as soon as I finish typing this…

Uh, Jeff...

March 31st, 2010
7:12 am

“It seems it would be the ultimate safety affair in the sense that the spouse is not as likely to find out as they would be if it were someone from work, the gym, etc.”

Yeah, but what if your spouse is also a member?!?!?!?!? Kind of like the old “Pina Colada” song…

Wayne

March 31st, 2010
7:53 am

“If you like Pina Coladas
Getting caught in the rain…”

Yeah, thanks, now I’ll have that song in my head for the rest of the day…

Jeff

March 31st, 2010
7:57 am

And I know a few couples that pursue that kind of thing together. And THAT is becoming more of a common thing as well.

Andrea

March 31st, 2010
8:01 am

This site has been around for a long time. While the site may seem disgusting and morally bankrupt, etc. the bottom line is no one is forcing any person to become a member. People do it because they want to plain and simple. Cheating, like most things, is a choice. Some people take the easy way out (cheat) and some really work at keeping their relationships together and monogamous. If after exhausting everything to save the relationship, they decide to end it, they finish that relationship before they start a new one.

I wouldn’t use the site but it certainly stays the course with the current state of morals in this country. It’s just another excuse to go along with:

1. It’s not my fault – I had a nanny as a child
2. It’s not my fault – cybersex doesn’t count.
3. It’s not my fault – I need sex rehab.
4. It’s not my fault – I have platformitis (loves women in platform plastic shoes)

Sad

March 31st, 2010
8:02 am

Its sad that you get yourself married and then have to stoop to this kind of site. My first marriage was a disaster and we BOTH cheated on each other. But the woman I married 19 years ago, still rocks my world everytime she walks into the room. She began to shun sex some 4-5 years ago, which has no made me care less for it too… but my love of and for her is still just as strong. My respect for her would never allow me to go to AM…..I just pray SHE’s not going there…but if she is….I guess someones gotta nail that!

Sad

March 31st, 2010
8:04 am

Enter your comments here

Hot4MJG

March 31st, 2010
8:12 am

Who needs Ashley Madison when MomMania is available for hook-ups? I’m hot for the smug, perfect Mother Jane Goose!

Let me get this straight...

March 31st, 2010
8:22 am

…for $49 I can get a legitimate list of 20 women who have said they are looking for sex? That is MUCH cheaper than going after a “no strings” hooker, and both the hooker and the women on the $49 list are providing the same results – wow, I love this country…..

Michelle

March 31st, 2010
8:29 am

Unbelievable…

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

March 31st, 2010
8:30 am

One of my friends thinks maybe it is hookers on the web site. he’s not convinced it’s regular people.

Where have I been that all of you guys know about this web site — more importantly why do all you know about this web site?????

Oh crap...

March 31st, 2010
8:32 am

…you just burst my bubble…

Becky

March 31st, 2010
8:41 am

I think if you are married, then you shouldn’t be using a website like this..I have no interest in going on this site..

Theresa..We (most) know about this because it’s been in the paper before as also on either Dateline or 20/20 (I think)..Sweetie, you live in bubble(at times)..You should of already have known about this..

@Wayne..You’re right about that song being stuck in my haed today and I HATE that song..

Jeff

March 31st, 2010
8:43 am

A few of my single guy friends have used the site before. Both parties know what they are getting with the deal.

Polytron/E2M Sucks

March 31st, 2010
8:50 am

“She began to shun sex some 4-5 years ago, which has no made me care less for it too… but my love of and for her is still just as strong. My respect for her would never allow me to go to AM..”

Your “respecting” her and she’s treating you like crap? You need to man-up and fix this, dude!

Women who withhold sex don’t deserve much respect.

If a woman does that to you, remind her that there are plenty of women out there who won’t. ;-)

Polytron/E2M Sucks

March 31st, 2010
8:52 am

Again, this website is OLD NEWS. ZZZZZzzzz… BOOOORRRIiiinngg!

They’ve been running radio ads for a long, long time.

Also, ashleymadison.com, and craigslist.org.

Adult Friend Finder just about PLASTERS links/ads and stupid re-direct pages all over the internet too. Of course, they have lots of bogus ads on the website, much like Craigslist.

JATL

March 31st, 2010
8:57 am

All I can say for the creators of the site -Karma’s a real b**ch sometime!

MomsRule

March 31st, 2010
8:58 am

@Theresa, I guess you and I both live in a bubble as I’ve never heard of this site either. I am not at all suprised that it and others like it exist though.

MomsRule

March 31st, 2010
9:00 am

@JATL, interesting comment re the creators of the site. I was thinking more along the lines of, “well, sex sells, I guess they found a niche.” It doesn’t mean I agree with what they are selling but obviously there are a lot of people buying.

TechMom

March 31st, 2010
9:14 am

I kind of wondered if most of the women on this site are prostitutes… much like craigslist. Even though we know that women and men cheat at about the same percentage, I still think women tend to look for a relationship and men tend to look for sex. So while there probably are a few married women on this site looking for an affair, I’d bet most of the women are prostitutes looking for their next trick.

Nope never been on the site nor would I ever use the site but I’ve definitely heard about it several times.

FCM

March 31st, 2010
9:19 am

Too Funny! We were just discussing something known as the Pina Coloda song (actually titled “Escape”). For those unfamilar: “The song speaks, in three verses and three choruses, of a man who, disenchanted with his current relationship, reads the personals and spots an ad that catches his attention: the ad of a woman who is seeking a man who, among other things, must like piña coladas. Intrigued, he writes back and arranges to meet with the woman “at a bar called O’Malley’s”, only to find upon the meeting that his new lover is his current lover.” (from Wikipedia).

Obviously, since the song was penned in 1979 this not a new phenom.

Doesn’t make it right either. Cheating on your committed relationship (married or not) is just a BIG NO in my book.

FCM

March 31st, 2010
9:25 am

Becky would you rather have the Banana Boat Song in your head? Somebody here got Wham!’s Wake Me Up stuck in my head earlier…..AGGGGGHHHHHHH!

Becky

March 31st, 2010
9:37 am

@FCM..Not sure about that one either..There will be plenty more songs today though..I have a coworker that every time someone says something to her, she has a song to sing for whatever they say..

JustMe

March 31st, 2010
9:41 am

Re: Polytron/E2M Sucks 8:50 am Post:
“Women who withhold sex don’t deserve much respect”
What about men who withhold sex?

Panda8

March 31st, 2010
9:45 am

The website is advertised *constantly* on several radio stations during the morning commute hours.

I’m sure those looking would mostly look anyways… but it still seems like this is just helping someone really hurt another person (the other spouse) in quite a cruel way. It’s obviously not geared toward the open relationships but towards the sneak behind their back sort. For the one participating, ya, their choice and their problem… but another person is hurt that didn’t choose that, and one would hope there’d be some moral qualms in aiding that…. but obviously there aren’t, anymore.

It's funny how songs...

March 31st, 2010
9:54 am

…get changed from their “real” title to whatever it is that catches your fancy – the most prevalent one, to me, (and yes, I am old) is the old Frankie Vallee song from 1976, thought to be “Oh what a Night”, when in actuality the correct title is “December 1963″, but very few people even know that….

Wayne

March 31st, 2010
10:07 am

“it was late December back in ‘63″

Great. Now that one is stuck in my head. Will you guys just stop!?

I could be worse, Wayne...

March 31st, 2010
10:12 am

…we could be putting out Jimmy Buffett songs, since it would be topic appropriate, like “Why don’t we get drunk and s—-”?

Stern Fan

March 31st, 2010
10:13 am

This site has advertised for several years on Howard Stern. They recently sponsored the Tiger Woods’ Mistress Beauty Pageant and put up the $100,000 prize.

I have never used the site. I actually think it would increase your chances of getting caught. I mean, it seems like the worst thing you could do when having an affair is create an actual written account of your goings on. I would never type an email, text, online profile, nothing. I would also not make any phone calls from my phone to the other person. Better if they don’t even know your real name I would think.

1911A1

March 31st, 2010
10:15 am

Everyone was wondering whatever became of MILF Hunter. Now we know…

Or it could be..

March 31st, 2010
10:21 am

That the song was titled December 1963 (Oh What a Night) by Frankie Valli, that causes it to be thought of as Oh What a Night.

FCM

March 31st, 2010
10:27 am

Thanks now Buffet is in my head and it isn’t even the weekend!

“I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know where I’m gonna go…..”

Becky

March 31st, 2010
10:29 am

Enter your comments here

Becky

March 31st, 2010
10:34 am

Sorry abou that..Does anyone know this one?

Her name was Lola, she was a show girl, with yellow ribbons in her hair and a dress cut down to there..

Polytron/E2M Sucks

March 31st, 2010
10:37 am

I can’t post again. GREAT

Becky

March 31st, 2010
10:45 am

Or could people be “looking for love in all the wrong places?”

Wayne

March 31st, 2010
10:53 am

Copa Cabana by Barry Manilow, isn’t it?

I say again. Thanks.

I am whatever you say I am

March 31st, 2010
10:54 am

do you like Pina Coladas??? Gettting caught in the rain……

I am whatever you say I am

March 31st, 2010
10:54 am

At the Copa… Copa Cabana……

Polytron/E2M Sucks

March 31st, 2010
10:56 am

“What about men who withhold sex?”

Yes, assuming they’re married to a decent, loving woman but knowingly withholds sex, that’s a man that needs to be bítch-slapped and brought back to reality.

I’m a guy but I’m ALL FOR fairness!

I guess my point was that it often seems it’s ok for a woman to mistreat a husband with regards to sex, and basically push him away, yet if he has had enough suffering and cheats, etc., suddenly he’s “a cheating b@stard” or “a low down dog” yet the bad wife escapes any responsibility.

Dr. Laura has made that point quite a few times on her show. A lot of wives apparently did not take well to being called out on that.

Polytron/E2M Sucks

March 31st, 2010
10:59 am

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:) :/ :( :D :P ;) :] :|

I am whatever you say I am

March 31st, 2010
10:59 am

I have no idea why women want to withhold sex and expect their man not to cheat on them or be okay with that.

I’m a scorpio woman and I need it like fish need water.
I would never withold that from any man I’m with no matter how bad he pissed me off

Optimus Prime Rib

March 31st, 2010
11:00 am

Bold
italics

Van Jones

March 31st, 2010
11:03 am

There was obviously a need for a site like this and AM filled the void (or just did it better than the others). Free enterprise and an “activity” between two consenting adults.
AM is not for me but it’s certainly not my place to impose my morality onto those that partake

Polytron/E2M Sucks

March 31st, 2010
11:06 am

I would never withold that from any man I’m with no matter how bad he pissed me off

That’s a great attitude (sincerely).

You’re the kind of woman a guy needs! I think… :)

Honestly unless a guy is just kind of a jerk, I think most guys would not “need” or want to visit a cheater’s web site or Adult Friend Finder.

Not saying at all that it is justified if they do, just saying a satisfied man usually stays an honest man. ;-)

I am whatever you say I am

March 31st, 2010
11:07 am

Men are real simple: Keep the belly full and keep the the D____ empty!

:-D

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March 31st, 2010
11:11 am

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David S

March 31st, 2010
11:12 am

I thought this was a blog for “Busy Moms?” If you are actually busy being a mom, you don’t need this web site.

If you are having problems with your marriage, fix the problem or end the marriage. An affair only complicates things, and you already have enough problems and really should be thinking about your children rather than an affair.

The mom who wants everything except being a real mom seems to be a big problem in our society.