Is Mom ambition a bad thing?
Kate Gosselin is being harshly criticized for leaving her kids with nannies to be on the show “Dancing with the Stars.” Many are writing that she has too much ambition.
From the San Francisco Examiner:
“While Kate was away from Feb. 21 to March 6, leaving her twins and sextuplets with nannies (not ex-hubby Jon), the little ones “were asking, ‘When is mommy coming home?’” according to an Us Weekly magazine source.
Nine-year-old twins Cara and Mady “seem depressed when Kate isn’t around,” per another source, while her three 5-year-old boys evidently acted out and “got into trouble at school for talking back to teachers” during her absence….”
“She says Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have lots of kids and their parents are away for long periods, working to support them,” the source said
With more than 70 percent of mothers working in America, Kate is obviously not the only mother having to leave her kids to do her job. Some mothers work because their families need the money and others work because they enjoy what they do and want to work outside the home.
So if Kate is being criticized for her ambition does that mean other moms should be criticized to for wanting to be successful at their jobs? Should moms be criticized for wanting to make more money, be recognized within their industry or overall being successful in their jobs? Is ambition in a mom a bad thing?
An author on SFGate concludes there is a double standard for ambition:
“Yet, in the year 2010, our definitions of being a good mother and being a good father remain diametrically opposed. Today, when a father goes in for a job interview, his potential boss will usually think: “This guy has a family to support, he’ll be a good worker.” A mother interviewing for the same job is considered by different standards: she could be an unreliable worker, running off for school meetings or staying home if a kid is sick. Being a good mom is being a nurturer; being a good dad is being a breadwinner. But in reality, outside of the spotlight, plenty of moms work long hours to support their kids including lawyers, doctors, and CEOs. Sometimes I think we should take a break from these mom/ dad labels and just use “parent” to get across how differently we perceive these strikingly similar roles of raising and supporting our kids.”
On the flip side if a mom is choosing to stay at home with her kids, does that mean she doesn’t have ambition? Yes or no? Good or bad?
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113 comments Add your comment
deidre_NC
March 16th, 2010
7:42 am
thats pretty ridiculous…not a huge fan of kate…but my kids cried for me too when i was gone..to work or wherever..thats what kids do…these kids have had a huge upheaval in their lives, maybe thats why they are crying or acting out…
Jeff
March 16th, 2010
7:49 am
I saw a headline quoting Kate “Can’t a mom have fun?”. I seem to remember the criticism of Jon when he was just “having fun” after the breakup. So I guess either they both should be allowed to have fun or neither should be allowed. Fortunately I’m not the one that makes that decision, ’cause I’d be pretty hard on both of them.
Unfortunately for this topic, if Kate Gosselin is the poster mom for moms with ambition, you’re not going to get much support.
I think moms SHOULD have ambition outside of the home, but like with anything-else, common sense and your previous obligations shouldn’t suffer for the accomplishment of “ambition”. How many times have we heard criticism of men working 60-80 hours to advance their career because they were “married to their work”, were never there for any of the sports, or book reading or whatevers. I think those men are just as wrong, but we established that in the late ’80’s. Women are just a little behind in figuring out that criticism also applies to them.
motherjanegoose
March 16th, 2010
7:53 am
Yes, there is a double standard.
As many readers know, I have traveled about 24 times per year for the past 6-8 years. My children are nearly 23 and 18. Some people have asked me how I can leave my family. WHAT? Are there not men out there who leave their families too? I am gone, usually, 3 days at a time and their Dad is home with them. I know some folks do have wonderful nannies ( my youngest sister was one years ago). I am also HOME for at least 15 various weeks per year. ( this is without pay and why I move and shake when I am working).
These kids have gone through an awful lot to have Kate “Dancing with the Stars”. I think Mommy is determined to seek stardom, in whatever shape or form. In fairness, she will have to bring home a LOT more bacon that I ever will …both due to her lifestyle and the sheer number of mouths to feed.
T…you are gonna catch it on this topic today…I hope you are wearing a steel vest LOL. There are many out there who have repeatedly asked you to not to speak of Kate.I do think it illustrates a great point. that we are still facing in 2010: can Mom be away and the family still function?
Many Moms out there have to be both the breadwinner and the nurturer..we have several on this blog. I know they are exhausted! My hat is off to you!
As far as Moms staying home…I will not touch it except to say that some Moms wake up one day and realize they need more stimulation than boo boos, laundry and meals. NOT ALL feel this way.
Some women are content to stay home forever and that is fine….not my business but theirs alone. If you never have something to fall back on or if you let your skills or contacts lapse then it it not a pretty picture..especially in today’s job market. Also, if you are LEFT without any income…you REALLY are in a pickle!
Have a great day!
Jeff in Roswell
March 16th, 2010
8:12 am
There is so much wrong with that family that Kate being away from the kids to pursue dancing isn’t going to change much of anything.
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
March 16th, 2010
8:23 am
Hey MJG — I know folks don’t like talking about her but she is the example here of a mom going off to work (she is a singe mom and Jon doesn’t seem to have big job to support them) but yet she is being criticized for working.
Jeff
March 16th, 2010
8:30 am
T. I literally just thought of this: Was Jon’s income (the show) taken away from him because he was no longer part of the couple? Isn’t that like a stay at home mom’s income being removed when the couple splits? Is the reason we don’t have the same pity for Jon because we don’t yet see this issue equally or is the fact that Jon’s an ***hole coloring the lenses? Wish we could have this debate with out those two involved.
Alecia
March 16th, 2010
8:31 am
Most ambitious moms has more to offer a child. Someone that cooks,cleans, watches soaps, and shops all day has few skill to transfer to their young. Also, moms that have to ask their hubby for spending money show that they are not adults or responsible. If mommy does not have goals, daughter won’t either. On the other hand if mommy is bringing home more than half of the bacon and doing all of the nurturing and school activities, there is a problem. Balance is key. When mom does not make money she loses power and credibility around the home. And when she is working 40+hours outside of home and taking care of everything inside the home, she is setting herself up for a breakdown.
MomsRule
March 16th, 2010
8:31 am
I, for one, could care less about the Gosselin’s and almost skipped reading the blog as “Kate Gosselin” was the opening.
Re Mom ambition, no, it is not a bad thing. It is possible to have a successful career and raise wonderful children simultaneously. My boys see first-hand what drive, motivation and hard work achieves. They also know that our family is my number one priority. Sometimes putting them first means Mom needs to take a business trip. No biggie because every member of our household must contribute to its success. If that means Dad has to get them off to school from time to time and make them dinner…big deal. There are benefits to Dad running the show as well.
They also know that Mom and Dad time “without children” is important. We taught them early that Mom and Dad will take one vacation per year. They are always well cared for and have learned that “hey, we can survive without Mom.”
My goal is to raise confident, independent, hard working young men. I don’t know how to achieve that if they are tied to my hip for 18 years.
Oh, and to answer the last question. No, being a stay at home Mom does not automatically mean you lack ambition. Different strokes.
Alecia
March 16th, 2010
8:31 am
meant to say “have more”. Excuse my typo.
A
March 16th, 2010
8:33 am
I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t call what Kate Gosselin is doing “going off to work.” She is only out for fame and exposure. She is not a good example of a working mom, so I agree with the first couple of posters that you might get some backlash here on the topic.
florida falcon
March 16th, 2010
8:37 am
I’ld love to add my 2 cents, but i’m off to work! (Got that child support thang!)
The bottom line is that you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. You can never have your cake and eat it too! Something has to give and it goes for both parents.
motherjanegoose
March 16th, 2010
8:40 am
T…I agree with you! Many have blasted you before ( on Kate) and so we will see what happens today!
To me, this is why folks need to think about having a BIG family for the long haul. Things do not always work out as expected. They will still be there for dinner no matter what happens to Mom and Dad.
There are also many out there who will tell me they love staying at home…which is fine…but by the time their kids are in middle school…some are going crazy and have nothing to fall back on.
Being a full time Mom is not for everyone…for sure. Some have the grace to handle it and some need to breathe different air once in a while….;) When I am home for weeks, I am READY TO ROLL!
Then, there are the husbands who proclaim that their wives adore being at home. Sometimes these are the same husbands who complain their wives spend all day shopping and spending their money. What is this saying? ( to me) they are looking for something else to keep them busy.
My own Mother was a stay at home Mom and also a SHOPOHOLIC. I was in Minneapolis last week and thought I might venture to the Mall of America. I have been there before many times. I drove 20 minutes to get there, looked for a parking space for 15 minutes and then walked in by the Nordstrom entrance ( where I typically park). It was a ZOO in there as it was spring break and Friday evening. I was so tired after my 5 hour meeting, that I turned around and walked right back to my car. I did not want to be in all those crowds. No shopping for me!
I called my sister and laughed: OUR MOM WOULD HAVE NEVER LEFT A SHOPPING OPPORTUNITY!!!
motherjanegoose
March 16th, 2010
8:48 am
@Momsrule…I love this line from your post:
They are always well cared for and have learned that “hey, we can survive without Mom.”
Not many Moms are strong enough to say this and I admire the points you shared.
I once heard Dr. Laura on the radio with a caller who was fretting about leaving her family for a few days. Dr. Laura said, “what if you got killed in a car wreck on a daily errand…they would survive if you have given them the correct skills” ….or something similar. Think about it!
There is a difference ( to me) in leaving your family to work or for a short trip or leaving your family to seek your own stardom…such as Kate and many others in Hollywood. I have certainly not walked in their shoes.
Michelle
March 16th, 2010
8:59 am
I don’t think ambition is a bad thing. When you are out just for the publicity and fame, yes, that is wrong. I think if Jon were taking care of the kids while she was gone, this would not really be an issue. I think the bigger fact is that she left all the kids with nannies, etc. WTHeck? I think she is being selfish and putting herself before her kids. (Just my opinion)
There are SO many families now that have 2 working partners. This is not at all uncommon. What about the families where both parents work and one of those parents is also going to school to earn a degree (either new or advanced). Is this too ambitious, or is it to better things for the long run?
What I see with Kate is her getting her face/name in the spot light. Once she does this, she is hoping for offers for other things. I don’t actually foresee her staying home. If she is mentioning Brad/Angelina as an example, I would have to think this is what she is striving for (fame and fortune)! The reality, though, is that those two may have nannies, but they also have the opportunity and funds to bring their kids with them or go to them at any given time!
Ambition is ok as long as it doesn’t cause the rest of your family to suffer (which it sounds like her kids are miserable).
TechMom
March 16th, 2010
9:04 am
I hardly consider going on Dancing with the Stars “going off to work”. Kate seems to want the spotlight on her. I find it hard to believe that she really HAS to work. Sure maybe she won’t be able to haul around 8 kids to Hawaii, Disney and the like but do you really think she doesn’t have enough money to stay home and nurture her kids for a little while after going through this awful divorce?
Moms should have ambition. Whether that ambition includes business suits and conference calls all day, figuring out how to have the most effective PTO or simply ensuring that you raise great kids doesn’t matter but you do have to have some drive and some goals.
My husband is the one who currently travels for 5 days a week for his job. I work from home (luckily) but my assignment may be coming to an end this summer and I may be forced to travel as well. I really don’t want to and can only hope and pray my husband and I won’t BOTH be on travel at the same time. I think it’s really important to have one of us home for the boy but I also know that if worse comes to worse, we’ll do what we have to because the mortgage payment still has to be paid. I just know that having someone stay with him during the week is going to ensure that he gets to school and gets fed but we can’t expect family or friends to discipline, ensure homework & chores get done, or that the dogs get taken care of, etc. And so while Kate’s kids are being ‘taken care of’ meaning their physical needs are being met, that does not mean their emotional, social or spiritual needs are as well.
One thing I did think about in contrast to Jon & Kate is the Duggars. They have 19 kids and rather than be 3-4 hours away while one was in the hospital, they picked them all up (well most of them) and moved them to where they had to be so they could still maintain their family structure. The other thing is that they have older and younger kids who can help take care of each other. I know not everyone agrees that this is appropriate but my point is that not only did they move their children to a house where they could be with them BUT they also have a system that allows them to take care of each other. Kate has 8 children who are all practically the same age. There are no older siblings to help out or go to in their time of need and a nanny isn’t going to fill the place of mom, dad, sister, or brother. In the end my question is WHERE IS JOHN? Why isn’t dad taking care of the kids?
MomsRule
March 16th, 2010
9:09 am
@MJG – thank you.
Years ago, when my oldest was 3/4, every morning I would watch a couple of Moms dropping their children at daycare. They would drop the kids, the kids would give their kisses/hugs and say “bye!” all excited and happy to start the day with their little friends.
Well, these two Moms were not content to just say their good byes and leave a happy child. They would stand there and fret over their little ones (”Mommy’s leaving now”, repeatedly) until the little ones would get upset and be crying at their departure. Once the kids were upset and crying for Mom – then the Moms would leave.
I wanted to shake them and say, “What are you doing?! You should want your kid to be happy and content while you are away!” IMO, these Moms were getting all of their self esteem from their kids. They didn’t feel good unless the kids were upset and “needing” them. I watched this little episode play out day after day. It drove me insanse. So sad.
RJ
March 16th, 2010
9:15 am
Ambition is personal. Some mothers have professional ambitions and parental ambitions. Some mothers simply desire to be the best mother they can be. Neither decision is wrong, it’s based on personal preference.
@Alecia stated, “Someone that cooks,cleans, watches soaps, and shops all day has few skill to transfer to their young.”
When I had my second child I chose to stop working and be an at home mom until I felt he was old enough for daycare. It was the best decision that I ever made. Your assumption that a stay at home mom “watches soaps” means that you don’t know many. It’s a tough job. I haven’t watched soaps since high school. I spent my days taking my child to the library for puppet shows and story telling, Toddler Thursdays at the High Museum of Art, free Mondays at Botanical Gardens, kids activities at Barnes and Noble, playing outside, painting, coloring, learning, watching Blues Clues…I could go on! I actually miss those days! I have a strong bond with my kids that I feel is partly due to our time together when they were young. And guess what?! When my daughter tested for catholic school, the person testing her asked her if her mom was a teacher. I will never forget how proud I was when she told me that she wasn’t supposed to say anything, but my child had done extremely well. She was quite impressed. I will also never forget when I entered my son into daycare and he was placed in the 4 year old class, yet he had just turned 3. I was concerned about that decision, but was informed that they were shocked that he was so young. They couldn’t believe how much he already knew. I am proud to say that those are the skills that I passed on to my kids.
RJ
March 16th, 2010
9:21 am
One more thing, I have a family member that is a stay at home mom of 3. She serves as president of the PTA of her son’s school, heads a non-profit organization, rallies for teachers, helps the homeless and is raising some pretty awesome kids. She has a masters degree, but is content taking care of her kids and helping make a difference in the community. Her husband makes the money so of course she has to “ask” for money. But after 15 years of marriage, they have a system that works for them. You don’t have to work outside of the home to be ambitious.
"Ambition"...
March 16th, 2010
9:24 am
…and “woking to provide for your family” are not synonymous and are being used in a totally incorrect manner here. While Kate may be “ambitious” she is not doing the DWTS gig tor provide for her family. If is leads to other TV gigs, great, but the format of the show is not set up to be a proviso for family care.
Regarding “ambition” vs “providing” my wife and had this discussion just the other day. While both of us worked for 30 + years to provide for our family, neither of us would ever be accused of being what the word “ambitious” is thought to mean. yes, we were ambitious enough to know that college did provide us with some of the necessary tools to enter the work force, but neither of us has done more than “work for the man” all of our lives.
Yes, we are monetarily comfortable, but neither of us has been happy or content in our jobs – they were a means to an end – that being to provide for our family – and though both of us enjoy 6 figure income, we do not “enjoy” ‘working for the man’. We do, however, enjoy eating every day and providing enough to get our kids through college, yet this is not considered an “ambition”, but a necessity of life.
I contrast this with a great friend from HS and college; we both excelled there and attended the same college; while he started out somewhat in the same career field post college, he had an “ambition” that I did not have, and learned, or taught himself, “how to make money”, not just have a job. He has excelled greatly over the past 30+ years because he had the drive and “ambition” to excel. Because I know from whence he came, I cannot be jealous of his success because he HAD the ambition to get out of the everyday “job mill” and drive to achieve more than the comfortable lifestyle for which I settled. Fortuantely, he is still the same humble person whom I knew in HS and college, and is, fortunately, still one of my best friends.
So, to try to lump this topic on ‘ambition’ vs moving outside the home to care for one’s family is a stretch; it is not fair to mom’s everywhere to imply that they may not have “ambition” when ambition is total misnomer when necessity is the main goal of most parents.
cld
March 16th, 2010
9:29 am
Thank you, RJ. That comment by Alecia that assumes SAHMs are shopping and watching soaps all day, got under my skin. Yes, I’m sure there are plenty of moms who do. But you know what? There also are plenty of SAHMs who spend their days doing laundry, cooking meals, teaching and playing with their children, and managing the household.
I am not a SAHM, but I aspire to be one. I am in the process of shifting my work so that I’m now working from home more than I’m working from the office – and hopefully, when the economy improves, we will be able to downsize our house so I can stop working entirely (temporarily).
I think to say that a mom who doesn’t have a “career”, or who wants to take some time off, that she doesn’t have ambition . . . is degrading. Plenty of moms choose to stay home and take time with their children because they believe it will help foster their children’s development. I happen to be one of those moms. For the most part, I don’t believe these are the same moms of MJG’s mom’s generation. I think they are strong women who have firm beliefs that they will raise happier, healthier, better adjusted children (and in turn adults) by taking a more active role in their early years.
I think our modern business society has, in some ways, forced women into that corner. In other ways, it has made the balance a bit easier. For instance, well-paying, benefit-providing careers that don’t require more than 40 hours a week, are hard to come by. Employees have been pitted against one another in a battle to see who can work the hardest. Those who aren’t putting in overtime, answering e-mails on Sunday nights, etc, are being pressured to do those things because so-and-so is willing to do it. As a result, if a parent wants any quality time with his or her children, it’s becoming increasingly necessary to sacrifice those career ambitions. I know there are exceptions. But this is what I see around me. Those who are being promoted, are working 60-hour weeks and either don’t have children or never see them. Those who aren’t putting in those hours, are being left by the wayside.
you
March 16th, 2010
9:31 am
Ambition is not the issue. The issue is motivation.
They are not the same thing.
cld
March 16th, 2010
9:34 am
Also, I alluded to SAHMs managing the household. Just because a person doesn’t work, doesn’t mean he or she has to ask for money. When my husband was unemployed following a layoff, he didn’t have to ask me for money to buy gas or other essentials. We did BOTH consult one another before buying anything non-essential, even new clothes for his interviews. But that’s a matter of relationship dynamic between two people. That’s always how our finances have worked: both of us have access to all of the money no matter who earned it. But if we’re going to buy something we really don’t need, or something big that we do need (new tires for the car, new clothes for work, even entry fee for athletic events), we check with the other person just to make sure it’s okay. The other person never says no – but it’s a courtesy.
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
March 16th, 2010
9:53 am
Guys — totally unrelated to children and motherhood — but a fascinating story — the army is changing it’s physical fitness training based on real world combat — first change to their training program in 30 years — very interesting read.
http://www.ajc.com/news/nation-world/army-drops-bayonets-busts-373643.html
DB
March 16th, 2010
9:58 am
@Alecia: “Someone that cooks,cleans, watches soaps, and shops all day has few skill to transfer to their young.”
Oh, GAG! I roll my eyes anytime someone pulls this old chestnut out, and lumps all SAHM’s in the “well-meaning but slightly simple” category. There are Moms that are all over the place in terms of motivation and skill — just like any workplace. Having a uterus does not automatically make you a good mom.
After working almost 10 years at a high level in an intensive job, I made the decision to be a SAHM, and I can tell you right now — I have YET to watch a soap opera. Did I cook? Oh, yeah — my family ate very well because I had time to plan nutritious and economical meals, far more so than when I worked. I even went through a phase when I made my own organic babyfood (yeah, well, I got over that one soon enough!) We went to children’s museums, we went on trips to the Tennessee Aquarium, we went to puppet shows, we went to the Kid’s Comedy Theatre (used to have them at The Punchline.) Lots of days at the park, the nature center, taking art classes, or just hanging out in the backyard playing on the swingset with other friends in the neighborhood, or visits to the grandparents. And the house was cleaner — I didn’t have CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome), because things got done. I had a babysitter come in three mornings a week when they were very small, so I could help my husband with his business, and ended up starting my own business from home as the kids grew older. So, Alecia — be very careful about your sweeping generalizations. Not all SAHM’s are ignorant, pregnant and barefoot — as a matter of fact, just in my neighborhood playgroup, we had an ex-mortgage banker, an ex-attorney, an ex-statistician with a master’s degree in quantitative psychology, an ex-CPA, and an ex-teacher. I can say with certainty that NONE of these women plopped their feet up and ate Whitman Samplers while watching “Days of Our Lives”. We all felt that, at that time in our lives, we were doing what was best for us and for our families. Now that all of our kids are in college, all of us are back at work and enjoying that, too. But I will always be grateful I made the opportunity to stay home. Having said that —
As for Kate Gosselin: Let’s face it, the woman can’t catch a break. Either she stays at home with the kids and gets lambasted for not bringing in income, or she goes out and does a VERY short-term project and gets lambasted for abandoning her children. That crap about “oh, her kids miss her . . .” Well, duh, yeah. And she misses them. This is not news for ANY mother and child. I would attend a national convention every year for a week — and my kids would miss me, and I would miss them. We all survivied quite nicely, thank you. She’s doing the best she can with the resources she has — if that means cashing in on her 15 minutes of fame in a job that doesn’t require her to take off her clothes and pose for Playboy, then more power to her. What’s wrong with ambition? Are women not allowed to be ambitious, except through their children? Let’s face it, her taking a part-time job as a teaching assistant at the local elementary school isn’t going to put food on the table for all those kids. I’m not a Kate Gosselin fan, but it’s hard to fault someone who is doing what women all over the country are doing every day — just trying to get by.
Sally Sunshine
March 16th, 2010
9:58 am
As I read these comments, I question why are we still having this conversation almost 100 years after the women’s suffrage movement of the 1920s? Women are not a monolithic group with the same needs, agendas, family situations, etc. Families come in all sizes. Like the other bloggers, I wish the conversation did not include the Gosslins. But since it does, i would like to add to the conversation a few points. Hollywood is a business. Dancing with the Stars is work. While viewers may see the entertainment value of it and grant fame and celebrity to its participants, many in Hollywood do it for the money. The Stars get paid $ 125,000 for the first 2 episodes and then $20,000 for each week thereafter. They also get an addition $50,000 bonus if they make it to week nine of the competition. So it works out to a maximum of $ 245,000 after it is all said and done. Not bad for four to six weeks worth of “work.”
I applaud any Mom who does what she needs to do to take care of her family. There is nothing illegal or immoral about her working in this manner to provide in the absence of her husband. It is not easy being a single Mom. I know because I am one. The question we should be asking is why is Jon not more active and finacially supportive. I am tired of people, especially other women, attacking the choices of moms making solo family decisions because of absent dads who chose not to participate or are not fully engaged in the family thing.
you
March 16th, 2010
10:09 am
No one would say a word if Kate Gosselin got a job in a factory, or if she became a police officer.
The critism is of her motivation. People can’t know for sure, but they assume that she takes this “job” because she loves the fame, not because she wants to make money for her children.
stepmom2
March 16th, 2010
10:16 am
@ DB…LOL… very well said!!
Jesse's Girl
March 16th, 2010
10:17 am
A woman/mom’s ambition is a very relative thing. I traveled with my girls when they were very young…..but the nature of my job allowed for that. When I became preggo with The Boy…staying home and working in the studio became the top priority for me. My ambitions and goals have waxed and waned over the years. What I truly want is for all 3 of my children to see that a strong work ethic and love of family are not mutually exclusive.
Per this fame-hungry Kate….I think at this point sucking face with the media is all she feels she can do to support her brood. But her absense is damaging her kids…it has to be. Well…adding to the damage already done.
you
March 16th, 2010
10:21 am
In addition to the question of Kate Gosselin’s motivation, critism is also heavier on her because she is not like other mothers. She has 8 children.
She went to extraordinary measures to become a mother to such a large litter of babies, people expect her to go to extraordinary measures to raise them.
motherjanegoose
March 16th, 2010
10:23 am
@ JG…this is wonderful:
What I truly want is for all 3 of my children to see that a strong work ethic and love of family are not mutually exclusive.
FCM
March 16th, 2010
10:38 am
She is critized for the choices she makes…just like Jon was. If all she were interested in is making sure that those kids were taken care of she would make choices that kept her home with those kids not on TV. Kate is addicted to the Limelight and not setting a good example for her children. Not to mention that at her twins (the older ones) are very close to that 11 yo dating age…it will be interesting (but VERY VERY SAD) to see how many of the 8 end up on the tabloids making Lindsey Lohan look like a Nun.
Jeff– again I agree with you–again. I also think people stopped talking about home-life balance the minute the economy tanked.
FCM
March 16th, 2010
10:39 am
T my comment got kicked….I used a bad word for Kate…won’t apologize for that but if you can fish it out and delete the word I appreciate it.
TnT's Mom
March 16th, 2010
10:45 am
Why are nannies taking care of the kids instead of their father?
motherjanegoose
March 16th, 2010
10:47 am
@ DB…love CHAOS..that describes my house most of the time :0.
I have learned that a clean house does not really make me happy. My work, family and friends do. So, for me, I give it a good once over ( from top to bottom) when I am home say 4 times per year. We do clean every week but, trust me, it does not last. Kinda like getting all the laundry done and seeing the hamper full in 2 days…not my cup of tea!
This week, I have meetings at night…yeah… I can hang out during the day!
JATL
March 16th, 2010
10:53 am
First of all, I don’t think anyone can look at Kate as being a “real-world” example of ANYTHING! And yes, if you leave your 8 kids for several weeks to be on a stupid tv show, you should be criticized. Why aren’t the kids and nannies nearby so she can see them at least in the morning and night? Where is Jon? I think a better example would be of a couple where one is a surgeon and the other either a successful business owner or high-powered attorney. Both jobs take a LOT of time, so if they decide to have kids, at least one of them should choose to scale back, maybe take a less-demanding job in their field, etc.
I have recently returned to full-time work after a 4 year absence to have and stay at home with my two little ones. My reasons for going back to work are many, and it has been a good thing. I draw the line when BOTH parents are so tied to careers that they’re logging 60-80-100 hours a week, nights, weekends, lots of travel, etc. and their live-in nannies are basically raising their children. Those folks seem to have kids as an “accessory” item and it’s gross.
Sometimes one parent has a job (like MJG) where travel is required. I think as long as both parents aren’t gone all the time, the one who is gone a lot just has to work to pick up the slack. I DO NOT like people who have kids and then seem to want nothing in their careers or social lives to change. I simply do not understand why these people have children! As many know from prior posts of mine, I think Kate is a moron and I hope no one uses her as an example of good motherhood for many, many reasons!
Let’s face it -most parents have to work in some capacity. I just think it’s about prioritizing and making sure both of you aren’t gone all the time and that the time you have with your children you make quality time (actually engaging them and not parking them in front of a tv or something).
JATL
March 16th, 2010
10:59 am
And for those of you who STILL don’t think SAHMs do much or are “simple” -one of the reasons I’m loving being back at work is that it’s so restful and easy! I get to go to the bathroom ALONE, and I choose what I want to (peacefully) eat for lunch. When I was at home the tv was NEVER on during the day -I deplore daytime tv -and I cooked a great meal and made healthy lunches for my kids (still do before I go to work each day). We played a lot, went outside and took tons of field trips. I worked like a crazy woman trying to keep the laundry done and the house clean (jobs I’m now farming off to a housekeeper because I have the money). I rarely shopped for anything other than outlet kid’s clothes and had to keep a very tight budget.
The stay at home mothers (and fathers) I know are the hardest working people other than nurses and teachers I know!
Spacey
March 16th, 2010
11:08 am
@Sally Sunshine… Agreed! If anyone on this blog had a shot to make over $200,000 for 6 weeks of work, would they not? If she was going to become a Police Officer, would we be debating whether or not a Mother of 8 children should choose a profession that could get her killed? She is a celebrity and as a celebrity, this is her work.
On the flip side, I’m sure the kids miss her. She is a strong force and they look to her for what to do.
Don’t the children miss Daddy when he is gone? I’ve heard nothing about the kids missing Jon.
Brian in Athens
March 16th, 2010
11:15 am
The virtuous wife described here did not just sit at home. Vs. 16 says she considers a field and buys it and with her profits plants a vineyard. However, no one can deny her FIRST priority is her home and her children. Balance is the key. If you cannot properly fulfill your responsibilities at home all the outside work will leave your children unnurtured and untrained. The same goes for the husband. Being a father might mean majority breadwinner, but if you haven’t had the time to talk to your kids and help raise them then the additional money you make by traveling all the time or working long hours will have you wondering what you did wrong later in life.
Proverbs 31:10-31 (New King James Version)
The Virtuous Wife
10 Who[a] can find a virtuous[b] wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
15 She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “ Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.
Michelle
March 16th, 2010
11:16 am
I think if I could chuck my daytime job for a year or two, I would. I would LOVE to be home to clean (alone while he’s in school), volunteer in the classes, work with the PTA, volunteer for field trips, etc. Unfortunately, I am the primary breadwinner and the one who is stable in their job (the grown up?!) LOL! I also hold all the benefits, so that isn’t happening.
You know, besides working, I used to volunteer on the homeowners association board of directors and my nursing organization. I want my little guy to see there are things besides work that can be worth volunteering for! I’m also home almost every too. I only have 1 evening every other month that has my committment to be there in person.
My “ambition” if you will, would be to have the $$ to complete my master’s degree and become a nurse practitioner. Then, I could work part time and be able to devote more time to the boy and possible after school activities! Yes, it would take some time, but right now, MANY of the classes are on-line and could be completed after the little one is at bed, at lunch, etc. (see where I’m going with this). You don’t HAVE to go hours away to work for your ambition.
My thoughts are scattered today. I’m not quite sure this made a lot of sense (or was as relative to the topic as it should be)!
MJG…I definitely have a CHAOS house right now! Unfortunately, we have company coming in from out of state on Friday. Their house looks like something out of an interior design magazine! So…I’m going to be doing some cleaning over the next couple of days, somehow or another! Sleep may have to be put on hold! LOL!
Just Saying
March 16th, 2010
11:17 am
@TechMom: “In the end my question is WHERE IS JOHN? Why isn’t dad taking care of the kids?”
@TnT’sMom: “Why are nannies taking care of the kids instead of their father?”
@JATL: “Where is Jon?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kate refuses to allow Jon to have extra visition time with the children while she’s away. Rather, she has the nannies taking care of them. Just another example of Kate’s awesome mothering skills….not!
Virginia
March 16th, 2010
11:22 am
I choose to see this situation a little differently than most…I believe that Kate is trying to extend her 15 minutes of fame for as long as possible in order to support her children. If she allows herself to step out of the spotlight for more than a few minutes, the fickle public will forget about her and her family. The big money job offers will run dry. How does a single parent support 8 young children on a nurse’s salary?? Kate can earn a whole lot more money in a whole lot less time with this dancing gig than she ever could as a nurse. I just think that if you look below the surface you will see more than a woman getting a new hairsyle every other day. You will see a mother trying to earn and save money for her children’s future, just like the rest of us.
Rectal Bleeding
March 16th, 2010
11:22 am
Wait……This woman has twins AND sextuplets? She’s not off doing another job. she’s escaping!
Rectal Bleeding
March 16th, 2010
11:23 am
She should do a show about all her kids. Of course, I would not watch it. Kids give me the creeps.
Jenn
March 16th, 2010
11:24 am
I have no problem with a mom having ambition/traveling for work/etc. But Kate’s in the wrong here if the rumor mill is accurate & she will not allow Jon to have greater custody of the kids while she’s off doing Dancing with the Stars. There’s no need for nannies to raise the kids if, in fact, one of the parents wants the job.
nurse&mother
March 16th, 2010
11:38 am
“ambition”??? Hardly, Greed, absolutely.
Jesse's Girl
March 16th, 2010
11:40 am
Rectal Bleeding…OMG….I think I cracked a rib laughing at your name!!!!
nurse&mother
March 16th, 2010
11:45 am
IMO, there is nothing wrong for a parent to travel to support the family. However, Kate Gosselin has proven time and again that she is all about greed. She loves the freebies, lifestyle, and attention. When is American Society going to stop paying her attention? No wonder Jon left. (NOT that he has acted like father of the year since the split.)
They have both proven to be selfish and greedy. (and have little regard for their children)
Those who still keep up with her are almost as pathetic as she, IMHO.
TechMom
March 16th, 2010
11:51 am
@Rectal Bleeding I do think the reason she’s doing the Dancing show instead of Kate + 8 (”a show about all her kids…”) is because Jon put a restriction on allowing the kids to be taped. Dumb on his part b/c now he can’t get in on the action. I’m pretty sure he could have negotiated some type of pay even though Kate would have been the one making the majority of the money due to the kids (but since she would use the money for the kids/house, I’m guessing he could have negotiated out of how much child support he would have to pay too). In fact they’re both morons for not figuring out a way to make that work. They were obviously making lots of money doing it since they didn’t have any other jobs and were able to take lots of trips.
So I wonder how much money these nannies are making while Kate is gone???
I think I did see something where she said she was going to be home some (practicing in the basement when the kids are at school) and her partner from the show would travel to her house so she wouldn’t be gone the entire season.
abc
March 16th, 2010
11:56 am
Sally, women’s suffrage is about the right to vote, not working moms.
America’s drift away from traditional roles doesn’t really serve families and children’s welfare all that well. A man’s natural role is to be the breadwinner and provider, a woman’s ideal is well described by the Proverbs passage quoted — as if anyone could really live up to that, but it’s an ideal.
Let a man be the man. REQUIRE a man to be the man. If he can’t hold up his end of the bargain, don’t marry him. If a career is all that important to a woman, she may question why she wants to have kids in the first place. If more marriages would be handled that way, there’d be less divorce, fewer single moms, and thus less stringent requirement for moms to work.
But then, many women wish to discard the traditional roles, even feeling constrained by them, and then expect the man to pick up the slack. Everyone has certainly noticed that men aren’t that adept at domestic roles. There’s a reason for that.
nurse&mother
March 16th, 2010
11:58 am
While it may be true that Kate can make more money (and in a respectable way) by being on TV for 15 minutes than she could working a shift at the hospital, her past actions have, IMO, proven that she is not as concerned about providing for the fam as she is about being in the “Limelight”.
I have absolutely no problems with a parent needing to travel for extended periods of time to put food on the table. Kate, however, wants a tummy tuck, new hair extensions, (and whatever will make Kate look better).
Rectal Bleeding
March 16th, 2010
11:59 am
I’m confused. Who is Jon and what does he have to do with some woman and her 8 kittens?
nurse&mother
March 16th, 2010
12:00 pm
Oh, I forgot to mention her million dollar house. Somebody’s gotta pay the taxes.
Dar
March 16th, 2010
12:05 pm
I am a lawyer and VP of a national company. I work a lot, always have. One thing I never do is travel – go to bed every night under the same roof as my child. For years I was the primary breadwinner, now I am the only one and the child support from my X is not even enough to pay the math tutor let alone support a middle schooler. My son is involved in many activities and I get him to each and every one. And I cook, clean and help with homework too. I only get a few hours of sleep every night, but that, I suppose, is the price of “having it all.” In my opinion, it is the rare parent (mom or dad) who chooses work or any other endeavor solely to avoid the children. I think that most people are just doing what they think is best for their family and I am not one to judge. I always make sure that my son knows that not only does my work provide the means for our lifestyle, but also that I actually enjoy what I do and that if he works hard in school he has a good chance of also landing a job/career that he likes, but if he does poorly at school his chances of that are low. I know that I have missed out on some things by not being a SAHM or at least having a less demanding career, but I also know that we have been able to do a lot of things and feel a nice sense of security/stability because of it so I think we are doing just fine. Everyone has their own road to walk — don’t make it any harder for them by throwing rocks/insults/judgment on their path.
Dar
March 16th, 2010
12:07 pm
PS I know there are run-on sentences and some typos in my post. Chill. I am really busy this morning and don’t have the time to grammar police myself.
motherjanegoose
March 16th, 2010
12:07 pm
@ abc…how, exactly, do you require a man to be a man with today’s unemployment and if he cannot find a job. I spoke with a friend yesterday whose husband is an engineer with a master’s degree. He has been out of work since July. Did she see 2010 when she married him 20 years ago? Not sure how this works today!
My career is very important to me, as is my family. I do not see this as a bad thing.
Rectal Bleeding
March 16th, 2010
12:11 pm
Dar? You are really busy and don’t have time to “grammar police” yourself, yet you have time to explain to us why you made so many mistakes? No way are you a lawyer. Honestly, I don’t care what you are. If you are employed and trying to do what’s best for your family, great. There is no prestige meter here.
Mom always liked her career best
March 16th, 2010
12:15 pm
I think a mother should love her child and be there to allow the child to be a child. If a person is allowed to explore their childhood to it’s fullest, with the mother in full view to fix all the boo-boos, then that child can become a fully functioning productive caring and compassionate adult, which this country seems to be fresh out of.
Ever here someone ask “What is wrong with that child?”.
abc
March 16th, 2010
12:15 pm
motherjanegoose, necessity brought by circumstance and choosing career ambitions over traditional roles aren’t the same thing. That said, a master’s degree isn’t a golden ticket. I, too, know or know of men that have been out of work for up to 18 months or more. Their refusal to investigate outside their chosen fields (some of them quite narrow), or lack of ability to do anything else, keeps them unemployed.
Dar
March 16th, 2010
12:23 pm
Sorry, Rectal, but it is the sad truth. I was “train of thought” typing. I was on a conference call and decided to take the other half of my brain and post something. Being a lawyer has nothing to do with prestige, at least not for me. I have been doing this for almost two decades now and it doesn’t matter to me what you think. I stated what my career is only because it helps people to better understand just how busy I am — there is no real down-time for me because after my son goes to sleep I am normally at the computer working until 2am or later. Whatever.
FCM
March 16th, 2010
12:39 pm
DB are you a fly baby?
Michelle: flylady.com is your friend! Find her and learn to get out of CHAOS…but first you have to shine your sink!
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
March 16th, 2010
12:40 pm
Dar — I thought that fine quick writing — don’t worry about it the grammar police — you expressed that well even with only half your brain thinking on it.
Hey, Dar
March 16th, 2010
12:46 pm
…last time we communicated you and I had a long, drawn out discussion when you claimed to be a “doctor” (I have no idea what the main thing was we were discussing before we got sidetracked, but I remember the “doctor” discussion) – when I called you on it you would not admit to being a MD, PhD, JD, DMD, DVM, honorary PhD, or any other kind of “D” – thanks for finally clariying that mystery…
roaming gnome
March 16th, 2010
12:52 pm
I wish she would just shut up and go away. It is her choices that get her in hot water.. She is doing this for her best interest not her childrens she is still trying to get her 5 mins of fame…
Dar
March 16th, 2010
12:53 pm
Didn’t think it much of a mystery what I do for a living, Hey Dar. Sorry if you lost any sleep over it. As I said then, no big deal. I never claimed to be a “doctor”, but I did say that I have a doctorate and lo and behold that is exactly what I have. Doesn’t change the fact that I think that people spend way too much time worried and nit picking over what other people do and the choices they make for themselves and their families.
sorr Dar
March 16th, 2010
12:56 pm
If you are a lawyer and a VP of a company then I am Princess Diana
I thought...
March 16th, 2010
12:58 pm
…Princess Diana was dead…welcome back…
......
March 16th, 2010
1:00 pm
Princess Diana was dead…welcome back… she is that is the point…
And, Dar...
March 16th, 2010
1:00 pm
…I did, and you were in my dreams every night…
How can...
March 16th, 2010
1:01 pm
…that be the point when Dar is an atty? As I said, welcome back since you said you were Princess Diana…
Michelle
March 16th, 2010
1:02 pm
FCM, I’ve never heard of flylady.com, but I’ll be sure to check it out! LOL…my sinks are actually clean!!
Rectal Bleeding
March 16th, 2010
1:02 pm
Again, who is Jon and what does he have to do with a woman and 8 kids?
Hey, Theresa...
March 16th, 2010
1:04 pm
…how can you let a name like RB continue when you banned the MILF Hunter?????
@abc
March 16th, 2010
1:04 pm
that is not true… People of all skill sets are being laid off and it will get way worse before it will get better… There are unfortunately sometimes you cant just work minimum wage and make it.. There really are no jobs at the fast food places… Kids are even having a hard time getting summer jobs because there are just none out there
Dar
March 16th, 2010
1:05 pm
@sorr Dar….as I said previously, whatever. Normally my career would have no bearing on the topics discussed here. Today I thought it might because I seem to fit the mold of the hard-working and ambitious mom. I am who I am, I do what I do. If it makes you feel better not to believe what I say, go for it. I doesn’t do anything for me to reveal it. In fact, I tend not to discuss it because it generally leads to either requests for free legal advice or tired jokes about stacks of lawyers at the bottom of the ocean. The topic of this blog is an important one, so let us not stray from it. If you would like, you can probably send some demeaning or degrading rants to Therese and she can forward them to my e-mail.
FCM
March 16th, 2010
1:11 pm
Michelle I told you wrong:
flylady.net
She is awesome!
Julia
March 16th, 2010
1:19 pm
FCM I just looked at that site.. That is pretty cool.. I was thinking it was like that go daddy one so I was a tad scared to look at it :)
FB thread
March 16th, 2010
1:20 pm
A real mother has to make sacrifices in her life to ensure her children are happy, healthy, and well taken care of and would make every sacrifice in the world for her children. They come first, always have and always will! ♥ Put this as your status if you’re a devoted mother who will always put her children first♥
irisheyes
March 16th, 2010
1:27 pm
Kate’s sole ambition is to be famous, and she doesn’t care who is in the way, including her children. Seriously, I wish she (and Jon) would go back to their normal jobs and realize that their job is to be the parents of their 8 kids, not big “TV stars”.
motherjanegoose
March 16th, 2010
1:28 pm
@ FB. THAT is exactly what the problem is with some helicopter moms….they always put their children first and thus cannot see the bigger picture.
BALANCE is important and sometimes MOM or DAD need to do things for themselves. Reminds me of parents, I have met, who never leave their kids with a babysitter as they cannot fathom leaving them anywhere…yeah right! Their kids will leave them plenty if they ever make it to HS or College.
I love my kids!!! I also respect my other roles enough to be able to apply myself to them too.
Actually, MamaJane...
March 16th, 2010
1:41 pm
…I don’t mean to stroke your ego too much (goodness knows you and I have had our differences of opinion on many issues) but you seem to epitomize what “ambition” and “balance” mean in everyday parenting from a woman’s perspective – and I say kudos to you for being a role model for women everywhere – at home as a mom, and in the work force as an entreprenuer/goal oriented, ambitious, successful female…
Milf-toast
March 16th, 2010
1:44 pm
Mannies, nannies, and trannies, oh my! Who cares! The modern woman is a freak on a leash: bowing down to women’s magz that encourage starvation, slaves to corporate masters, playing golf for the luv of Gawd…..what’s next? I suppose they’ll demand control over their reproductive organs…
Milf-toast
March 16th, 2010
1:46 pm
Oops, forgot one: your kids are destined to be more neurotice then you, hard to comprehend….
motherjanegoose
March 16th, 2010
1:49 pm
@ actually..I will take it…thanks!
COMPLIMENTS PUT HELIUM IN EVERYONE’S BALLOON!
FB thread
March 16th, 2010
1:52 pm
motherjanegoose I understand.. I am not only my child’s mother. But if I had 8 small children, I be darned if I would be gone all the time and trying to be an attention ho… Those kids are all messed up now and will wind up in all sorts of therapy
DB
March 16th, 2010
1:58 pm
@FCM: Yep, I’m a flybaby — unfortunately, I hardly qualify as a poster-child, these days! But everytime I use the system, things get done, so I don’t hesitate to recommend it. I sorta know Flylady — her real name is Marla, and we met on a chat board (back in the days when they were BB boards) that discussed the Slob Sisters books and systems. She had just worked out some of the beginning stuff, and people started asking her advice on how to do things, she would send out stuff to people who asked for her schedule, etc., and finally, she just decided to start her own website — wow, did it take off! She’s Flylady, because that was her moniker on the BB — she loves fly fishing. :-) It’s nice to see her make a success out of something she’s good at and believes in. She’s a very genuine person.
Sally Sunshine
March 16th, 2010
2:12 pm
@abc… Voting is a means not an end. Women wanted the right to vote to be protected by law from insane opinions like yours.
abc
March 16th, 2010
2:30 pm
Silly casting of pejoratives doesn’t make much of a point, does it, Sally?
Sally Sunshine
March 16th, 2010
2:36 pm
Enter your comments here
FCM
March 16th, 2010
2:39 pm
DB— agree with you whole heartedly on Marla and her team. I heard her on the radio in 2001. She sold me right then and I have been on and off the program ever since. Recommend it all the time
MJG–”COMPLIMENTS PUT HELIUM IN EVERYONE’S BALLOON!” Yep that’s why I asked if you would make sure to tell your client to point out 1 good thing to every parent they have to talk to about “behavior issues” in a child. I cannot tell you how much it lifts my child to hear that her teacher said “x” or sent a hello. It totally makes their night and have positive effects the next day too! (Imagine that!)
Sally Sunshine
March 16th, 2010
2:44 pm
@abc. You would know that better than most as that seems to be your favorite posting strategy.
abc
March 16th, 2010
2:57 pm
Not really, Sally. But I get the gist: you disagree with me, and would rather cast groundless aspersions than offer constructive rebuttal. Do you find this approach works for your benefit?
Warrior Woman
March 16th, 2010
2:58 pm
@Jesse’s Girl “What I truly want is for all 3 of my children to see that a strong work ethic and love of family are not mutually exclusive.”
This is wonderful, and encapsulates my approach to parenting. There is no reason not to have both.
I am a successful working mom (working outside the home), and my husband is successful in his career. We both travel and put in long hours on occasion. Despite this, we are both active in our kids lives. I am president of the sports booster club, we’re both active in the PTA, and both volunteer in my children’s classrooms. They have no doubt that we care about their lives enough to work to provide for them AND enough to spend time with them. My kids will grow up knowing that work-life balance is possible.
Jesse's Girl
March 16th, 2010
5:46 pm
Unfortunately ….as a working mom who has rehearsals tonight….my kids learned another life/balance truth. Sometimes….just sometimes…mom can’t cook the homemade meal you want. Tonight my beloved offspring…..its Stouffer’s Lasagna and you’re gonna eat it. Or not…
BamBam
March 16th, 2010
5:50 pm
@jesse’s girl
I had a working mom and she really had to take care of business so it got to the point where I had to learn how to cook or starve. Believe they will be alright.
Jesse's Girl
March 16th, 2010
6:00 pm
These boogers wanted homemade chicken and dumplins……that takes me 2 hours! Jokers MUST be on crack:)
Stephanie
March 16th, 2010
6:18 pm
I am a SAHM Mom,and I would not say I have no ambition. I had a well paying senior level job before I had kids, and during that time I focused my ambition on my job. When I had my first child my ambition shifted. I want to raise my child to be a responsible, God-loving, successful adult and I focus my ambition and energy on that. As others have stated we spend our days on numerous educational or enriching activities, and I am constantly trying to refine myself as a mother. I see this time as a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of things- when the kids are in school I can again focus on work, but I will never again have as much of an influence on them as I do right now.
catlady
March 16th, 2010
6:50 pm
Actually, Kate being gone might be a plus for those kids! If she’d just stay gone instead of running in and out of their lives! Maybe some people could adopt the kids! Kate and Jon can pay child support.
catlady
March 16th, 2010
7:03 pm
Could we pay her THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS to sit in the dark closet for 6 weeks? It might be worth it, and we could find out if she wants the money or the attention!
Debbie west
March 16th, 2010
8:05 pm
I think it is important to understand too that some of us stay at home moms have chosen this way of life on purpose. I did not get married until I was almost 37 and had my baby right before I turned 38. Yes, I worked in corporate America for 16 years after college (and finished my master’s while working full time -it took three years but I did it).
I saved my money while I was single and we live with one car now. Please do not assume that mothers that stay at home do not have credibility or skills to pass on to their young.
It is a personal decision and there are pros and cons to both. Yes, I get stir crazy at home a lot but I know that I chose this way of life and that someday I can return to my career once my child is older.
I give working mothers all the credit in the world too -I have no idea how you can do it all…but at the same time, it is not easy being at home all day with a baby -it is the hardest job I’ve ever had (and I thought managing people was rough)!
fk
March 16th, 2010
8:39 pm
I was an officer of a bank ~ a major national lender, BC (before child). I thought I was going to be Ms. Corporate America, but when I became pregnant, at 27, I experienced pangs of maternal conflict. I quit my job, without regret, and stayed at home and raised my son. I made the choice and was fortunate to be able to have a choice, and a husband who could provide for us, as well as support my decision. I just hate it when moms judge each other for their choices, i.e., career vs sahm. Are we not all working towards the same goal, regardless if we are at home or at work during the day ~ to raise happy, healthy children who will, one day, become positive contributors to society?
TechMom
March 16th, 2010
10:15 pm
@fk – a woman’s worst enemy is other women… As much as we want women to exceed, we are afraid of other women who succeed.
Bethany
March 17th, 2010
2:03 am
As a 2 full time job working mom (did it for 9 years), I am well qualified person to make an
educated comment on a working mom. The father of
my children left me with 3 beautiful, loving kids.
They are the greatest blessing in my entire life!
For 2 full months, the father paid what he was ordered by the court, then started skipping payments, and then stopped altogether.It takes a lot of money to go to court when the father does this. I did it twice and the payments he made didn’t even pay for the attorney and court costs of
my filing because he didn’t pay. It cost me time out of my job (WAS WORKING ONLY 1 JOB AT THIS TIME),AND THAT FURTHER LOWERED MY INCOME.I was then
working the same job that I did before he left. I
saw that for my children to have a decent life, I
could not depend on him at all and it was tearing up the children everytime he came to see them or take them off for a couple of days. Like Jon, he
much preferred his holidays and vacations to the
time he could have spent with his children. Remember I had to pay high dollar for good child care as well. Finally, I gave up to the knowledge
that I would most likely always be the only provider. I took on two low paying jobs, full time and that meant no days off ever. I stopped thinking about how long I could continue and just did it. Gradually I paid off my share of the bills we had
when married and began to save for downpayment and
moving expenses so that we could move from the apartment and they could enjoy a yard with trees and
a small home of our own. I worried constantly about my kids when at work and sometimes didn’t sleep but a few hours a night. I, like other working mothers
could not take my 3 children to work with me. I
was working for the day when all 3 would be in school during the school year and I would feel they
were safer and life would be easier for them. That
day did come. Times were really hard when one got
sick at school and I had to leave one of my jobs and take them to a doctor or try to arrange for a
sitter who would take proper care of them until
I could get someone else to take them during my other job. Sometimes it meant a second trip to the doctor. My life was hard. Don’t worry, it wasmt easy, and it wasn’t fun. Not to be too boring to those of you who haven’t been thru this, will make
a long story short. Fun loving ex moved out of state
without a goodbye to the kids and didn’t ever pay another dime for his children. I couldn’t go to another state to file and give up my jobs and uproot the kids. They suffered so much as they did truly love their dad and that was the worst part of it.Finally , I quit my job by faith that God would
help us and I started back to college for 2 evenings a week. Eventually, I was able to get a good paying primary job and while we could barely make it , we did make it !!! My kids were overjoyed.
Life was almost normal for us. I got a small raise
and that put us over. NOT even 1 second job anymore.
Life was grande.The kids were jewels all of these years. I didn’t know how to live without working and
the kids learned early on that when things are hard, you just hold on , do the very best you can,
and in the end, it pays off in that one can have more time together and be able to buy the right kinds of food and even have a little house. I struggled with old cars also during that time and knew nothing about repairing a worn out car. We
were able to get thru that too. Today my kids are
older and the oldest one worked last summer and was
able to buy his clothes for school in that fall and
and he bought the other 2 kids a new pair of shoes~
I believe they have aLL learned things that many
children never learn. They were very proud when they did something that helped each other. I love them so much. I dont actually know of anyone who
criticized me for supporting my children. I know
the kiddies knew full well how hard it was, because
it WASN’T easy for them either.
When you have 8 children to support alone, you would understand why it is necessary to work. I
feel sorry for you if you can’t see it now. I pray
you are never in a position to see your own children eat a meal that you know is not balanced,
because you only have potatoes that night, but you
knoW what? They knew I was giving it all I had to support them and they love me so much today for it.
They haven’t seen their father in years because he hid out for fear of having to support his own flesh and blood. It was best to do it as we did as he tore up their little hearts when he did see them and they were far better off without him. Jon
needs to grow up and stop criticizing Kate for the
good job she is doing in supporting her children. It’s doubtful he will, though.
christine va
March 17th, 2010
6:33 am
Where were the kids when she spent 17 hours and $7,000 on her new hair treatment. Unreal. Some moms (even moms with traditional 9 to 5 jobs) can’t find an hour or two for a haircut. She keeps saying her is only away from home when the kids are at school. Is it a boarding school that the kids attend?
Becky
March 17th, 2010
8:42 am
If a woman has a chance to be a SAHM and she wants to do it, I think she should go for it..As others have said though, I don’t see it as a Peggy Bundy lifestyle.. Doing just a small portion of what most on here have posted is a lot of work..So, if you are a SAHM, my hat is off to you..As for Kate, yeah she should of let Jon keep them during this time, but whatever..??
motherjanegoose
March 17th, 2010
10:23 am
FCM…RE: compliments….that is part of every presentation I make….got it covered!
| Moms DotCom Dream
March 17th, 2010
12:21 pm
[...] Is Mom Ambition a Bad Thing? [...]
Marie Pugh
March 17th, 2010
12:28 pm
I was a stay at home mom for a couple of years – (I am now technically still a stay at home mom I guess, although I am now working from home too).
I get really frustrated when women feel the need to attack how other moms have chosen to raise their kids – as if they are the ones who know the true right answer. Personally, everyone has the right to decide for themselves – and guess what? No matter what you decide, there are always going to be people who say you are doing the wrong thing. So, in the end, I guess it is best to do what you feel is best for YOU and YOUR KIDS.
As for Kate – she should have let Jon have the kids if she wasn’t going to be with them. They are going through a rough time, and punishing Jon by not letting him have them isn’t the best way to make things better for them.
I don’t think either one of them would win any parenting awards, but really – who out of all of us would?
I made a blog post about some of these comments on my blog – which is in the link above. http://momsdotcomdream.com/do-stay-at-home-moms-lack-ambition/
SoCalGal
March 17th, 2010
5:45 pm
Do you verify your stories? Regarding Jon not being with the children while Kate was out of town, not true. You have copied and pasted verbatum this comment from other sites.
If you go the 15 minutes Gosselin style you will see photos posted of Jon taking care of the children from Feb 26 to at least Mar 1.
Ambition: Vice or Virtue? | Christine B. Whelan
March 17th, 2010
7:41 pm
[...] Gosselin is being criticized for leaving her eight children with nannies to appear on “Dancing with the Stars.” Are [...]
nurse&mother
March 18th, 2010
9:44 am
Bethany, I am so sorry to hear about the tough life you have had with your children. There are no right words I can say to show how crappy it must have been. Sounds like you have been a WONDERFUL mother to those three children.
I’m not sure that you can compare Kate Gosselin to yourself. You are worlds better than her. It doesn’t sounds like you are out there getting the freebies (tummy tuck, thousands of dollars worth of hair extensions, million dollar house). I’m betting that Kate wouldn’t drive “old” cars to save her life. That seems beneath her. I will admit that Jon has proven to be a louse.
You on the other hand were working two jobs to get food on the table and move out of an apartment. And have you ever watched how Kate wants her kids to have not only a balanced meal, it has to be organic?! Really, Bethany. She is not in your league.
I commend you on the job WELL done with your children. They will grow up knowing that you gave them your all.
Trouble-maker Kate
March 21st, 2010
11:32 am
My post won’t be kind to Kate and, if her sympathizers consider me a hater, then so be it. They are only confirming Kate’s narcissism.
The question, “Is mom ambition a bad thing?” assumes that Kate’s first priority is being a mother. But I don’t believe she’s serious about motherhood, or much of anything except dancing. She said she has to “kill” dancing. I don’t recall ever hearing her say that she has to “kill” being a mother. It’s not that I have a problem with her dancing or with her extravagant lifestyle. I have a problem with her false sense of entitlement.
I don’t think Kate belongs in any discussion about ambition. She didn’t invest herself in order to get what she has; she invested her children. She popped out her own little eight-person welfare system. Certainly, she’s willing to invest herself in order to KEEP the fancy lifestyle, but it is to the detriment of her kids that she does so. It was to their detriment that Kate obtained her lifestyle, and it is to their detriment that she keeps it since it leaves her little time to invest in her kids. If executives in the entertainment industry “give her a break”, then somebody who has paid their dues and is actually talented is squeezed out of a job. She seems to feel that she is entitled to her lifestyle, however, and so do a lot of dumb saps known as the Press.
Jenny
March 22nd, 2010
4:50 pm
Coming into this late, but I wanted to add: People don’t seem to realize that SAHMs can ALSO have a profession. It is not always either/or.
I have a music degree and stay at home with my three young children. BUT, I still work in my profession regularly by accompanying choirs, performing with musical theater, and playing solo piano for weddings, parties, and corporate functions.
Does my playing cover the mortgage payments? No, but it is still PAID WORK directly related to my degree. It is a highly skilled profession, and if anyone doubts that, I’ll ask them this: Do you think YOU could play three hours of dinner music, or accompany a musical, next week?
Best of all, my kids see my working: They come to some of my performances, see me working on my music, help me mail out demo CDs, and know to be quiet when I have to take a business call. They see that Mom has something she’s skilled at and enjoys, and that brings in money, that has nothing to do with being a mother.
It’s all pretty cool.
And hey, if I’m allowed to say this here — if you need live music for an event — a party, banquet, fundraiser, charity, wedding — support a “working SAHM” and check out my website! :)
http://tinyurl.com/Atlanta-Pianist
Ambition: Vice or Virtue? - Busted Halo
July 20th, 2010
3:06 am
[...] reaction to other folks who want to succeed. Remember a few months back when Kate Gosselin was being criticized for leaving her eight children with nannies to appear on “Dancing with the Stars.” [...]