Is Mom ambition a bad thing?
Kate Gosselin is being harshly criticized for leaving her kids with nannies to be on the show “Dancing with the Stars.” Many are writing that she has too much ambition.
From the San Francisco Examiner:
“While Kate was away from Feb. 21 to March 6, leaving her twins and sextuplets with nannies (not ex-hubby Jon), the little ones “were asking, ‘When is mommy coming home?’” according to an Us Weekly magazine source.
Nine-year-old twins Cara and Mady “seem depressed when Kate isn’t around,” per another source, while her three 5-year-old boys evidently acted out and “got into trouble at school for talking back to teachers” during her absence….”
“She says Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have lots of kids and their parents are away for long periods, working to support them,” the source said
With more than 70 percent of mothers working in America, Kate is obviously not the only mother having to leave her kids to do her job. Some mothers work because their families need the money and others work because they enjoy what they do and want to work outside the home.
So if Kate is being criticized for her ambition does that mean other moms should be criticized to for wanting to be successful at their jobs? Should moms be criticized for wanting to make more money, be recognized within their industry or overall being successful in their jobs? Is ambition in a mom a bad thing?
An author on SFGate concludes there is a double standard for ambition:
“Yet, in the year 2010, our definitions of being a good mother and being a good father remain diametrically opposed. Today, when a father goes in for a job interview, his potential boss will usually think: “This guy has a family to support, he’ll be a good worker.” A mother interviewing for the same job is considered by different standards: she could be an unreliable worker, running off for school meetings or staying home if a kid is sick. Being a good mom is being a nurturer; being a good dad is being a breadwinner. But in reality, outside of the spotlight, plenty of moms work long hours to support their kids including lawyers, doctors, and CEOs. Sometimes I think we should take a break from these mom/ dad labels and just use “parent” to get across how differently we perceive these strikingly similar roles of raising and supporting our kids.”
On the flip side if a mom is choosing to stay at home with her kids, does that mean she doesn’t have ambition? Yes or no? Good or bad?
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113 comments Add your comment
TechMom
March 16th, 2010
10:15 pm
@fk – a woman’s worst enemy is other women… As much as we want women to exceed, we are afraid of other women who succeed.
Bethany
March 17th, 2010
2:03 am
As a 2 full time job working mom (did it for 9 years), I am well qualified person to make an
educated comment on a working mom. The father of
my children left me with 3 beautiful, loving kids.
They are the greatest blessing in my entire life!
For 2 full months, the father paid what he was ordered by the court, then started skipping payments, and then stopped altogether.It takes a lot of money to go to court when the father does this. I did it twice and the payments he made didn’t even pay for the attorney and court costs of
my filing because he didn’t pay. It cost me time out of my job (WAS WORKING ONLY 1 JOB AT THIS TIME),AND THAT FURTHER LOWERED MY INCOME.I was then
working the same job that I did before he left. I
saw that for my children to have a decent life, I
could not depend on him at all and it was tearing up the children everytime he came to see them or take them off for a couple of days. Like Jon, he
much preferred his holidays and vacations to the
time he could have spent with his children. Remember I had to pay high dollar for good child care as well. Finally, I gave up to the knowledge
that I would most likely always be the only provider. I took on two low paying jobs, full time and that meant no days off ever. I stopped thinking about how long I could continue and just did it. Gradually I paid off my share of the bills we had
when married and began to save for downpayment and
moving expenses so that we could move from the apartment and they could enjoy a yard with trees and
a small home of our own. I worried constantly about my kids when at work and sometimes didn’t sleep but a few hours a night. I, like other working mothers
could not take my 3 children to work with me. I
was working for the day when all 3 would be in school during the school year and I would feel they
were safer and life would be easier for them. That
day did come. Times were really hard when one got
sick at school and I had to leave one of my jobs and take them to a doctor or try to arrange for a
sitter who would take proper care of them until
I could get someone else to take them during my other job. Sometimes it meant a second trip to the doctor. My life was hard. Don’t worry, it wasmt easy, and it wasn’t fun. Not to be too boring to those of you who haven’t been thru this, will make
a long story short. Fun loving ex moved out of state
without a goodbye to the kids and didn’t ever pay another dime for his children. I couldn’t go to another state to file and give up my jobs and uproot the kids. They suffered so much as they did truly love their dad and that was the worst part of it.Finally , I quit my job by faith that God would
help us and I started back to college for 2 evenings a week. Eventually, I was able to get a good paying primary job and while we could barely make it , we did make it !!! My kids were overjoyed.
Life was almost normal for us. I got a small raise
and that put us over. NOT even 1 second job anymore.
Life was grande.The kids were jewels all of these years. I didn’t know how to live without working and
the kids learned early on that when things are hard, you just hold on , do the very best you can,
and in the end, it pays off in that one can have more time together and be able to buy the right kinds of food and even have a little house. I struggled with old cars also during that time and knew nothing about repairing a worn out car. We
were able to get thru that too. Today my kids are
older and the oldest one worked last summer and was
able to buy his clothes for school in that fall and
and he bought the other 2 kids a new pair of shoes~
I believe they have aLL learned things that many
children never learn. They were very proud when they did something that helped each other. I love them so much. I dont actually know of anyone who
criticized me for supporting my children. I know
the kiddies knew full well how hard it was, because
it WASN’T easy for them either.
When you have 8 children to support alone, you would understand why it is necessary to work. I
feel sorry for you if you can’t see it now. I pray
you are never in a position to see your own children eat a meal that you know is not balanced,
because you only have potatoes that night, but you
knoW what? They knew I was giving it all I had to support them and they love me so much today for it.
They haven’t seen their father in years because he hid out for fear of having to support his own flesh and blood. It was best to do it as we did as he tore up their little hearts when he did see them and they were far better off without him. Jon
needs to grow up and stop criticizing Kate for the
good job she is doing in supporting her children. It’s doubtful he will, though.
christine va
March 17th, 2010
6:33 am
Where were the kids when she spent 17 hours and $7,000 on her new hair treatment. Unreal. Some moms (even moms with traditional 9 to 5 jobs) can’t find an hour or two for a haircut. She keeps saying her is only away from home when the kids are at school. Is it a boarding school that the kids attend?
Becky
March 17th, 2010
8:42 am
If a woman has a chance to be a SAHM and she wants to do it, I think she should go for it..As others have said though, I don’t see it as a Peggy Bundy lifestyle.. Doing just a small portion of what most on here have posted is a lot of work..So, if you are a SAHM, my hat is off to you..As for Kate, yeah she should of let Jon keep them during this time, but whatever..??
motherjanegoose
March 17th, 2010
10:23 am
FCM…RE: compliments….that is part of every presentation I make….got it covered!
| Moms DotCom Dream
March 17th, 2010
12:21 pm
[...] Is Mom Ambition a Bad Thing? [...]
Marie Pugh
March 17th, 2010
12:28 pm
I was a stay at home mom for a couple of years – (I am now technically still a stay at home mom I guess, although I am now working from home too).
I get really frustrated when women feel the need to attack how other moms have chosen to raise their kids – as if they are the ones who know the true right answer. Personally, everyone has the right to decide for themselves – and guess what? No matter what you decide, there are always going to be people who say you are doing the wrong thing. So, in the end, I guess it is best to do what you feel is best for YOU and YOUR KIDS.
As for Kate – she should have let Jon have the kids if she wasn’t going to be with them. They are going through a rough time, and punishing Jon by not letting him have them isn’t the best way to make things better for them.
I don’t think either one of them would win any parenting awards, but really – who out of all of us would?
I made a blog post about some of these comments on my blog – which is in the link above. http://momsdotcomdream.com/do-stay-at-home-moms-lack-ambition/
SoCalGal
March 17th, 2010
5:45 pm
Do you verify your stories? Regarding Jon not being with the children while Kate was out of town, not true. You have copied and pasted verbatum this comment from other sites.
If you go the 15 minutes Gosselin style you will see photos posted of Jon taking care of the children from Feb 26 to at least Mar 1.
Ambition: Vice or Virtue? | Christine B. Whelan
March 17th, 2010
7:41 pm
[...] Gosselin is being criticized for leaving her eight children with nannies to appear on “Dancing with the Stars.” Are [...]
nurse&mother
March 18th, 2010
9:44 am
Bethany, I am so sorry to hear about the tough life you have had with your children. There are no right words I can say to show how crappy it must have been. Sounds like you have been a WONDERFUL mother to those three children.
I’m not sure that you can compare Kate Gosselin to yourself. You are worlds better than her. It doesn’t sounds like you are out there getting the freebies (tummy tuck, thousands of dollars worth of hair extensions, million dollar house). I’m betting that Kate wouldn’t drive “old” cars to save her life. That seems beneath her. I will admit that Jon has proven to be a louse.
You on the other hand were working two jobs to get food on the table and move out of an apartment. And have you ever watched how Kate wants her kids to have not only a balanced meal, it has to be organic?! Really, Bethany. She is not in your league.
I commend you on the job WELL done with your children. They will grow up knowing that you gave them your all.
Trouble-maker Kate
March 21st, 2010
11:32 am
My post won’t be kind to Kate and, if her sympathizers consider me a hater, then so be it. They are only confirming Kate’s narcissism.
The question, “Is mom ambition a bad thing?” assumes that Kate’s first priority is being a mother. But I don’t believe she’s serious about motherhood, or much of anything except dancing. She said she has to “kill” dancing. I don’t recall ever hearing her say that she has to “kill” being a mother. It’s not that I have a problem with her dancing or with her extravagant lifestyle. I have a problem with her false sense of entitlement.
I don’t think Kate belongs in any discussion about ambition. She didn’t invest herself in order to get what she has; she invested her children. She popped out her own little eight-person welfare system. Certainly, she’s willing to invest herself in order to KEEP the fancy lifestyle, but it is to the detriment of her kids that she does so. It was to their detriment that Kate obtained her lifestyle, and it is to their detriment that she keeps it since it leaves her little time to invest in her kids. If executives in the entertainment industry “give her a break”, then somebody who has paid their dues and is actually talented is squeezed out of a job. She seems to feel that she is entitled to her lifestyle, however, and so do a lot of dumb saps known as the Press.
Jenny
March 22nd, 2010
4:50 pm
Coming into this late, but I wanted to add: People don’t seem to realize that SAHMs can ALSO have a profession. It is not always either/or.
I have a music degree and stay at home with my three young children. BUT, I still work in my profession regularly by accompanying choirs, performing with musical theater, and playing solo piano for weddings, parties, and corporate functions.
Does my playing cover the mortgage payments? No, but it is still PAID WORK directly related to my degree. It is a highly skilled profession, and if anyone doubts that, I’ll ask them this: Do you think YOU could play three hours of dinner music, or accompany a musical, next week?
Best of all, my kids see my working: They come to some of my performances, see me working on my music, help me mail out demo CDs, and know to be quiet when I have to take a business call. They see that Mom has something she’s skilled at and enjoys, and that brings in money, that has nothing to do with being a mother.
It’s all pretty cool.
And hey, if I’m allowed to say this here — if you need live music for an event — a party, banquet, fundraiser, charity, wedding — support a “working SAHM” and check out my website! :)
http://tinyurl.com/Atlanta-Pianist
Ambition: Vice or Virtue? - Busted Halo
July 20th, 2010
3:06 am
[...] reaction to other folks who want to succeed. Remember a few months back when Kate Gosselin was being criticized for leaving her eight children with nannies to appear on “Dancing with the Stars.” [...]