Is Mom ambition a bad thing?
Kate Gosselin is being harshly criticized for leaving her kids with nannies to be on the show “Dancing with the Stars.” Many are writing that she has too much ambition.
From the San Francisco Examiner:
“While Kate was away from Feb. 21 to March 6, leaving her twins and sextuplets with nannies (not ex-hubby Jon), the little ones “were asking, ‘When is mommy coming home?’” according to an Us Weekly magazine source.
Nine-year-old twins Cara and Mady “seem depressed when Kate isn’t around,” per another source, while her three 5-year-old boys evidently acted out and “got into trouble at school for talking back to teachers” during her absence….”
“She says Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have lots of kids and their parents are away for long periods, working to support them,” the source said
With more than 70 percent of mothers working in America, Kate is obviously not the only mother having to leave her kids to do her job. Some mothers work because their families need the money and others work because they enjoy what they do and want to work outside the home.
So if Kate is being criticized for her ambition does that mean other moms should be criticized to for wanting to be successful at their jobs? Should moms be criticized for wanting to make more money, be recognized within their industry or overall being successful in their jobs? Is ambition in a mom a bad thing?
An author on SFGate concludes there is a double standard for ambition:
“Yet, in the year 2010, our definitions of being a good mother and being a good father remain diametrically opposed. Today, when a father goes in for a job interview, his potential boss will usually think: “This guy has a family to support, he’ll be a good worker.” A mother interviewing for the same job is considered by different standards: she could be an unreliable worker, running off for school meetings or staying home if a kid is sick. Being a good mom is being a nurturer; being a good dad is being a breadwinner. But in reality, outside of the spotlight, plenty of moms work long hours to support their kids including lawyers, doctors, and CEOs. Sometimes I think we should take a break from these mom/ dad labels and just use “parent” to get across how differently we perceive these strikingly similar roles of raising and supporting our kids.”
On the flip side if a mom is choosing to stay at home with her kids, does that mean she doesn’t have ambition? Yes or no? Good or bad?
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113 comments Add your comment
Rectal Bleeding
March 16th, 2010
11:59 am
I’m confused. Who is Jon and what does he have to do with some woman and her 8 kittens?
nurse&mother
March 16th, 2010
12:00 pm
Oh, I forgot to mention her million dollar house. Somebody’s gotta pay the taxes.
Dar
March 16th, 2010
12:05 pm
I am a lawyer and VP of a national company. I work a lot, always have. One thing I never do is travel – go to bed every night under the same roof as my child. For years I was the primary breadwinner, now I am the only one and the child support from my X is not even enough to pay the math tutor let alone support a middle schooler. My son is involved in many activities and I get him to each and every one. And I cook, clean and help with homework too. I only get a few hours of sleep every night, but that, I suppose, is the price of “having it all.” In my opinion, it is the rare parent (mom or dad) who chooses work or any other endeavor solely to avoid the children. I think that most people are just doing what they think is best for their family and I am not one to judge. I always make sure that my son knows that not only does my work provide the means for our lifestyle, but also that I actually enjoy what I do and that if he works hard in school he has a good chance of also landing a job/career that he likes, but if he does poorly at school his chances of that are low. I know that I have missed out on some things by not being a SAHM or at least having a less demanding career, but I also know that we have been able to do a lot of things and feel a nice sense of security/stability because of it so I think we are doing just fine. Everyone has their own road to walk — don’t make it any harder for them by throwing rocks/insults/judgment on their path.
Dar
March 16th, 2010
12:07 pm
PS I know there are run-on sentences and some typos in my post. Chill. I am really busy this morning and don’t have the time to grammar police myself.
motherjanegoose
March 16th, 2010
12:07 pm
@ abc…how, exactly, do you require a man to be a man with today’s unemployment and if he cannot find a job. I spoke with a friend yesterday whose husband is an engineer with a master’s degree. He has been out of work since July. Did she see 2010 when she married him 20 years ago? Not sure how this works today!
My career is very important to me, as is my family. I do not see this as a bad thing.
Rectal Bleeding
March 16th, 2010
12:11 pm
Dar? You are really busy and don’t have time to “grammar police” yourself, yet you have time to explain to us why you made so many mistakes? No way are you a lawyer. Honestly, I don’t care what you are. If you are employed and trying to do what’s best for your family, great. There is no prestige meter here.
Mom always liked her career best
March 16th, 2010
12:15 pm
I think a mother should love her child and be there to allow the child to be a child. If a person is allowed to explore their childhood to it’s fullest, with the mother in full view to fix all the boo-boos, then that child can become a fully functioning productive caring and compassionate adult, which this country seems to be fresh out of.
Ever here someone ask “What is wrong with that child?”.
abc
March 16th, 2010
12:15 pm
motherjanegoose, necessity brought by circumstance and choosing career ambitions over traditional roles aren’t the same thing. That said, a master’s degree isn’t a golden ticket. I, too, know or know of men that have been out of work for up to 18 months or more. Their refusal to investigate outside their chosen fields (some of them quite narrow), or lack of ability to do anything else, keeps them unemployed.
Dar
March 16th, 2010
12:23 pm
Sorry, Rectal, but it is the sad truth. I was “train of thought” typing. I was on a conference call and decided to take the other half of my brain and post something. Being a lawyer has nothing to do with prestige, at least not for me. I have been doing this for almost two decades now and it doesn’t matter to me what you think. I stated what my career is only because it helps people to better understand just how busy I am — there is no real down-time for me because after my son goes to sleep I am normally at the computer working until 2am or later. Whatever.
FCM
March 16th, 2010
12:39 pm
DB are you a fly baby?
Michelle: flylady.com is your friend! Find her and learn to get out of CHAOS…but first you have to shine your sink!
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
March 16th, 2010
12:40 pm
Dar — I thought that fine quick writing — don’t worry about it the grammar police — you expressed that well even with only half your brain thinking on it.
Hey, Dar
March 16th, 2010
12:46 pm
…last time we communicated you and I had a long, drawn out discussion when you claimed to be a “doctor” (I have no idea what the main thing was we were discussing before we got sidetracked, but I remember the “doctor” discussion) – when I called you on it you would not admit to being a MD, PhD, JD, DMD, DVM, honorary PhD, or any other kind of “D” – thanks for finally clariying that mystery…
roaming gnome
March 16th, 2010
12:52 pm
I wish she would just shut up and go away. It is her choices that get her in hot water.. She is doing this for her best interest not her childrens she is still trying to get her 5 mins of fame…
Dar
March 16th, 2010
12:53 pm
Didn’t think it much of a mystery what I do for a living, Hey Dar. Sorry if you lost any sleep over it. As I said then, no big deal. I never claimed to be a “doctor”, but I did say that I have a doctorate and lo and behold that is exactly what I have. Doesn’t change the fact that I think that people spend way too much time worried and nit picking over what other people do and the choices they make for themselves and their families.
sorr Dar
March 16th, 2010
12:56 pm
If you are a lawyer and a VP of a company then I am Princess Diana
I thought...
March 16th, 2010
12:58 pm
…Princess Diana was dead…welcome back…
......
March 16th, 2010
1:00 pm
Princess Diana was dead…welcome back… she is that is the point…
And, Dar...
March 16th, 2010
1:00 pm
…I did, and you were in my dreams every night…
How can...
March 16th, 2010
1:01 pm
…that be the point when Dar is an atty? As I said, welcome back since you said you were Princess Diana…
Michelle
March 16th, 2010
1:02 pm
FCM, I’ve never heard of flylady.com, but I’ll be sure to check it out! LOL…my sinks are actually clean!!
Rectal Bleeding
March 16th, 2010
1:02 pm
Again, who is Jon and what does he have to do with a woman and 8 kids?
Hey, Theresa...
March 16th, 2010
1:04 pm
…how can you let a name like RB continue when you banned the MILF Hunter?????
@abc
March 16th, 2010
1:04 pm
that is not true… People of all skill sets are being laid off and it will get way worse before it will get better… There are unfortunately sometimes you cant just work minimum wage and make it.. There really are no jobs at the fast food places… Kids are even having a hard time getting summer jobs because there are just none out there
Dar
March 16th, 2010
1:05 pm
@sorr Dar….as I said previously, whatever. Normally my career would have no bearing on the topics discussed here. Today I thought it might because I seem to fit the mold of the hard-working and ambitious mom. I am who I am, I do what I do. If it makes you feel better not to believe what I say, go for it. I doesn’t do anything for me to reveal it. In fact, I tend not to discuss it because it generally leads to either requests for free legal advice or tired jokes about stacks of lawyers at the bottom of the ocean. The topic of this blog is an important one, so let us not stray from it. If you would like, you can probably send some demeaning or degrading rants to Therese and she can forward them to my e-mail.
FCM
March 16th, 2010
1:11 pm
Michelle I told you wrong:
flylady.net
She is awesome!
Julia
March 16th, 2010
1:19 pm
FCM I just looked at that site.. That is pretty cool.. I was thinking it was like that go daddy one so I was a tad scared to look at it :)
FB thread
March 16th, 2010
1:20 pm
A real mother has to make sacrifices in her life to ensure her children are happy, healthy, and well taken care of and would make every sacrifice in the world for her children. They come first, always have and always will! ♥ Put this as your status if you’re a devoted mother who will always put her children first♥
irisheyes
March 16th, 2010
1:27 pm
Kate’s sole ambition is to be famous, and she doesn’t care who is in the way, including her children. Seriously, I wish she (and Jon) would go back to their normal jobs and realize that their job is to be the parents of their 8 kids, not big “TV stars”.
motherjanegoose
March 16th, 2010
1:28 pm
@ FB. THAT is exactly what the problem is with some helicopter moms….they always put their children first and thus cannot see the bigger picture.
BALANCE is important and sometimes MOM or DAD need to do things for themselves. Reminds me of parents, I have met, who never leave their kids with a babysitter as they cannot fathom leaving them anywhere…yeah right! Their kids will leave them plenty if they ever make it to HS or College.
I love my kids!!! I also respect my other roles enough to be able to apply myself to them too.
Actually, MamaJane...
March 16th, 2010
1:41 pm
…I don’t mean to stroke your ego too much (goodness knows you and I have had our differences of opinion on many issues) but you seem to epitomize what “ambition” and “balance” mean in everyday parenting from a woman’s perspective – and I say kudos to you for being a role model for women everywhere – at home as a mom, and in the work force as an entreprenuer/goal oriented, ambitious, successful female…
Milf-toast
March 16th, 2010
1:44 pm
Mannies, nannies, and trannies, oh my! Who cares! The modern woman is a freak on a leash: bowing down to women’s magz that encourage starvation, slaves to corporate masters, playing golf for the luv of Gawd…..what’s next? I suppose they’ll demand control over their reproductive organs…
Milf-toast
March 16th, 2010
1:46 pm
Oops, forgot one: your kids are destined to be more neurotice then you, hard to comprehend….
motherjanegoose
March 16th, 2010
1:49 pm
@ actually..I will take it…thanks!
COMPLIMENTS PUT HELIUM IN EVERYONE’S BALLOON!
FB thread
March 16th, 2010
1:52 pm
motherjanegoose I understand.. I am not only my child’s mother. But if I had 8 small children, I be darned if I would be gone all the time and trying to be an attention ho… Those kids are all messed up now and will wind up in all sorts of therapy
DB
March 16th, 2010
1:58 pm
@FCM: Yep, I’m a flybaby — unfortunately, I hardly qualify as a poster-child, these days! But everytime I use the system, things get done, so I don’t hesitate to recommend it. I sorta know Flylady — her real name is Marla, and we met on a chat board (back in the days when they were BB boards) that discussed the Slob Sisters books and systems. She had just worked out some of the beginning stuff, and people started asking her advice on how to do things, she would send out stuff to people who asked for her schedule, etc., and finally, she just decided to start her own website — wow, did it take off! She’s Flylady, because that was her moniker on the BB — she loves fly fishing. :-) It’s nice to see her make a success out of something she’s good at and believes in. She’s a very genuine person.
Sally Sunshine
March 16th, 2010
2:12 pm
@abc… Voting is a means not an end. Women wanted the right to vote to be protected by law from insane opinions like yours.
abc
March 16th, 2010
2:30 pm
Silly casting of pejoratives doesn’t make much of a point, does it, Sally?
Sally Sunshine
March 16th, 2010
2:36 pm
Enter your comments here
FCM
March 16th, 2010
2:39 pm
DB— agree with you whole heartedly on Marla and her team. I heard her on the radio in 2001. She sold me right then and I have been on and off the program ever since. Recommend it all the time
MJG–”COMPLIMENTS PUT HELIUM IN EVERYONE’S BALLOON!” Yep that’s why I asked if you would make sure to tell your client to point out 1 good thing to every parent they have to talk to about “behavior issues” in a child. I cannot tell you how much it lifts my child to hear that her teacher said “x” or sent a hello. It totally makes their night and have positive effects the next day too! (Imagine that!)
Sally Sunshine
March 16th, 2010
2:44 pm
@abc. You would know that better than most as that seems to be your favorite posting strategy.
abc
March 16th, 2010
2:57 pm
Not really, Sally. But I get the gist: you disagree with me, and would rather cast groundless aspersions than offer constructive rebuttal. Do you find this approach works for your benefit?
Warrior Woman
March 16th, 2010
2:58 pm
@Jesse’s Girl “What I truly want is for all 3 of my children to see that a strong work ethic and love of family are not mutually exclusive.”
This is wonderful, and encapsulates my approach to parenting. There is no reason not to have both.
I am a successful working mom (working outside the home), and my husband is successful in his career. We both travel and put in long hours on occasion. Despite this, we are both active in our kids lives. I am president of the sports booster club, we’re both active in the PTA, and both volunteer in my children’s classrooms. They have no doubt that we care about their lives enough to work to provide for them AND enough to spend time with them. My kids will grow up knowing that work-life balance is possible.
Jesse's Girl
March 16th, 2010
5:46 pm
Unfortunately ….as a working mom who has rehearsals tonight….my kids learned another life/balance truth. Sometimes….just sometimes…mom can’t cook the homemade meal you want. Tonight my beloved offspring…..its Stouffer’s Lasagna and you’re gonna eat it. Or not…
BamBam
March 16th, 2010
5:50 pm
@jesse’s girl
I had a working mom and she really had to take care of business so it got to the point where I had to learn how to cook or starve. Believe they will be alright.
Jesse's Girl
March 16th, 2010
6:00 pm
These boogers wanted homemade chicken and dumplins……that takes me 2 hours! Jokers MUST be on crack:)
Stephanie
March 16th, 2010
6:18 pm
I am a SAHM Mom,and I would not say I have no ambition. I had a well paying senior level job before I had kids, and during that time I focused my ambition on my job. When I had my first child my ambition shifted. I want to raise my child to be a responsible, God-loving, successful adult and I focus my ambition and energy on that. As others have stated we spend our days on numerous educational or enriching activities, and I am constantly trying to refine myself as a mother. I see this time as a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of things- when the kids are in school I can again focus on work, but I will never again have as much of an influence on them as I do right now.
catlady
March 16th, 2010
6:50 pm
Actually, Kate being gone might be a plus for those kids! If she’d just stay gone instead of running in and out of their lives! Maybe some people could adopt the kids! Kate and Jon can pay child support.
catlady
March 16th, 2010
7:03 pm
Could we pay her THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS to sit in the dark closet for 6 weeks? It might be worth it, and we could find out if she wants the money or the attention!
Debbie west
March 16th, 2010
8:05 pm
I think it is important to understand too that some of us stay at home moms have chosen this way of life on purpose. I did not get married until I was almost 37 and had my baby right before I turned 38. Yes, I worked in corporate America for 16 years after college (and finished my master’s while working full time -it took three years but I did it).
I saved my money while I was single and we live with one car now. Please do not assume that mothers that stay at home do not have credibility or skills to pass on to their young.
It is a personal decision and there are pros and cons to both. Yes, I get stir crazy at home a lot but I know that I chose this way of life and that someday I can return to my career once my child is older.
I give working mothers all the credit in the world too -I have no idea how you can do it all…but at the same time, it is not easy being at home all day with a baby -it is the hardest job I’ve ever had (and I thought managing people was rough)!
fk
March 16th, 2010
8:39 pm
I was an officer of a bank ~ a major national lender, BC (before child). I thought I was going to be Ms. Corporate America, but when I became pregnant, at 27, I experienced pangs of maternal conflict. I quit my job, without regret, and stayed at home and raised my son. I made the choice and was fortunate to be able to have a choice, and a husband who could provide for us, as well as support my decision. I just hate it when moms judge each other for their choices, i.e., career vs sahm. Are we not all working towards the same goal, regardless if we are at home or at work during the day ~ to raise happy, healthy children who will, one day, become positive contributors to society?