Is Mom ambition a bad thing?

Kate Gosselin is being harshly criticized for leaving her kids with nannies to be on the show “Dancing with the Stars.” Many are writing that she has too much ambition.

From the San Francisco Examiner:

“While Kate was away from Feb. 21 to March 6, leaving her twins and sextuplets with nannies (not ex-hubby Jon), the little ones “were asking, ‘When is mommy coming home?’” according to an Us Weekly magazine source.

Nine-year-old twins Cara and Mady “seem depressed when Kate isn’t around,” per another source, while her three 5-year-old boys evidently acted out and “got into trouble at school for talking back to teachers” during her absence….”

“She says Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have lots of kids and their parents are away for long periods, working to support them,” the source said

With more than 70 percent of mothers working in America, Kate is obviously not the only mother having to leave her kids to do her job. Some mothers work because their families need the money and others work because they enjoy what they do and want to work outside the home.

So if Kate is being criticized for her ambition does that mean other moms should be criticized to for wanting to be successful at their jobs? Should moms be criticized for wanting to make more money, be recognized within their industry or overall being successful in their jobs? Is ambition in a mom a bad thing?

An author on SFGate concludes there is a double standard for ambition:

“Yet, in the year 2010, our definitions of being a good mother and being a good father remain diametrically opposed. Today, when a father goes in for a job interview, his potential boss will usually think: “This guy has a family to support, he’ll be a good worker.” A mother interviewing for the same job is considered by different standards: she could be an unreliable worker, running off for school meetings or staying home if a kid is sick. Being a good mom is being a nurturer; being a good dad is being a breadwinner. But in reality, outside of the spotlight, plenty of moms work long hours to support their kids including lawyers, doctors, and CEOs. Sometimes I think we should take a break from these mom/ dad labels and just use “parent” to get across how differently we perceive these strikingly similar roles of raising and supporting our kids.”

On the flip side if a mom is choosing to stay at home with her kids, does that mean she doesn’t have ambition? Yes or no? Good or bad?

113 comments Add your comment

deidre_NC

March 16th, 2010
7:42 am

thats pretty ridiculous…not a huge fan of kate…but my kids cried for me too when i was gone..to work or wherever..thats what kids do…these kids have had a huge upheaval in their lives, maybe thats why they are crying or acting out…

Jeff

March 16th, 2010
7:49 am

I saw a headline quoting Kate “Can’t a mom have fun?”. I seem to remember the criticism of Jon when he was just “having fun” after the breakup. So I guess either they both should be allowed to have fun or neither should be allowed. Fortunately I’m not the one that makes that decision, ’cause I’d be pretty hard on both of them.

Unfortunately for this topic, if Kate Gosselin is the poster mom for moms with ambition, you’re not going to get much support.

I think moms SHOULD have ambition outside of the home, but like with anything-else, common sense and your previous obligations shouldn’t suffer for the accomplishment of “ambition”. How many times have we heard criticism of men working 60-80 hours to advance their career because they were “married to their work”, were never there for any of the sports, or book reading or whatevers. I think those men are just as wrong, but we established that in the late ’80’s. Women are just a little behind in figuring out that criticism also applies to them.

motherjanegoose

March 16th, 2010
7:53 am

Yes, there is a double standard.

As many readers know, I have traveled about 24 times per year for the past 6-8 years. My children are nearly 23 and 18. Some people have asked me how I can leave my family. WHAT? Are there not men out there who leave their families too? I am gone, usually, 3 days at a time and their Dad is home with them. I know some folks do have wonderful nannies ( my youngest sister was one years ago). I am also HOME for at least 15 various weeks per year. ( this is without pay and why I move and shake when I am working).

These kids have gone through an awful lot to have Kate “Dancing with the Stars”. I think Mommy is determined to seek stardom, in whatever shape or form. In fairness, she will have to bring home a LOT more bacon that I ever will …both due to her lifestyle and the sheer number of mouths to feed.

T…you are gonna catch it on this topic today…I hope you are wearing a steel vest LOL. There are many out there who have repeatedly asked you to not to speak of Kate.I do think it illustrates a great point. that we are still facing in 2010: can Mom be away and the family still function?
Many Moms out there have to be both the breadwinner and the nurturer..we have several on this blog. I know they are exhausted! My hat is off to you!

As far as Moms staying home…I will not touch it except to say that some Moms wake up one day and realize they need more stimulation than boo boos, laundry and meals. NOT ALL feel this way.
Some women are content to stay home forever and that is fine….not my business but theirs alone. If you never have something to fall back on or if you let your skills or contacts lapse then it it not a pretty picture..especially in today’s job market. Also, if you are LEFT without any income…you REALLY are in a pickle!

Have a great day!

Jeff in Roswell

March 16th, 2010
8:12 am

There is so much wrong with that family that Kate being away from the kids to pursue dancing isn’t going to change much of anything.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

March 16th, 2010
8:23 am

Hey MJG — I know folks don’t like talking about her but she is the example here of a mom going off to work (she is a singe mom and Jon doesn’t seem to have big job to support them) but yet she is being criticized for working.

Jeff

March 16th, 2010
8:30 am

T. I literally just thought of this: Was Jon’s income (the show) taken away from him because he was no longer part of the couple? Isn’t that like a stay at home mom’s income being removed when the couple splits? Is the reason we don’t have the same pity for Jon because we don’t yet see this issue equally or is the fact that Jon’s an ***hole coloring the lenses? Wish we could have this debate with out those two involved.

Alecia

March 16th, 2010
8:31 am

Most ambitious moms has more to offer a child. Someone that cooks,cleans, watches soaps, and shops all day has few skill to transfer to their young. Also, moms that have to ask their hubby for spending money show that they are not adults or responsible. If mommy does not have goals, daughter won’t either. On the other hand if mommy is bringing home more than half of the bacon and doing all of the nurturing and school activities, there is a problem. Balance is key. When mom does not make money she loses power and credibility around the home. And when she is working 40+hours outside of home and taking care of everything inside the home, she is setting herself up for a breakdown.

MomsRule

March 16th, 2010
8:31 am

I, for one, could care less about the Gosselin’s and almost skipped reading the blog as “Kate Gosselin” was the opening.

Re Mom ambition, no, it is not a bad thing. It is possible to have a successful career and raise wonderful children simultaneously. My boys see first-hand what drive, motivation and hard work achieves. They also know that our family is my number one priority. Sometimes putting them first means Mom needs to take a business trip. No biggie because every member of our household must contribute to its success. If that means Dad has to get them off to school from time to time and make them dinner…big deal. There are benefits to Dad running the show as well.

They also know that Mom and Dad time “without children” is important. We taught them early that Mom and Dad will take one vacation per year. They are always well cared for and have learned that “hey, we can survive without Mom.”

My goal is to raise confident, independent, hard working young men. I don’t know how to achieve that if they are tied to my hip for 18 years.

Oh, and to answer the last question. No, being a stay at home Mom does not automatically mean you lack ambition. Different strokes.

Alecia

March 16th, 2010
8:31 am

meant to say “have more”. Excuse my typo.

A

March 16th, 2010
8:33 am

I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t call what Kate Gosselin is doing “going off to work.” She is only out for fame and exposure. She is not a good example of a working mom, so I agree with the first couple of posters that you might get some backlash here on the topic.

florida falcon

March 16th, 2010
8:37 am

I’ld love to add my 2 cents, but i’m off to work! (Got that child support thang!)
The bottom line is that you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. You can never have your cake and eat it too! Something has to give and it goes for both parents.

motherjanegoose

March 16th, 2010
8:40 am

T…I agree with you! Many have blasted you before ( on Kate) and so we will see what happens today!

To me, this is why folks need to think about having a BIG family for the long haul. Things do not always work out as expected. They will still be there for dinner no matter what happens to Mom and Dad.

There are also many out there who will tell me they love staying at home…which is fine…but by the time their kids are in middle school…some are going crazy and have nothing to fall back on.

Being a full time Mom is not for everyone…for sure. Some have the grace to handle it and some need to breathe different air once in a while….;) When I am home for weeks, I am READY TO ROLL!

Then, there are the husbands who proclaim that their wives adore being at home. Sometimes these are the same husbands who complain their wives spend all day shopping and spending their money. What is this saying? ( to me) they are looking for something else to keep them busy.

My own Mother was a stay at home Mom and also a SHOPOHOLIC. I was in Minneapolis last week and thought I might venture to the Mall of America. I have been there before many times. I drove 20 minutes to get there, looked for a parking space for 15 minutes and then walked in by the Nordstrom entrance ( where I typically park). It was a ZOO in there as it was spring break and Friday evening. I was so tired after my 5 hour meeting, that I turned around and walked right back to my car. I did not want to be in all those crowds. No shopping for me!

I called my sister and laughed: OUR MOM WOULD HAVE NEVER LEFT A SHOPPING OPPORTUNITY!!!

motherjanegoose

March 16th, 2010
8:48 am

@Momsrule…I love this line from your post:

They are always well cared for and have learned that “hey, we can survive without Mom.”

Not many Moms are strong enough to say this and I admire the points you shared.

I once heard Dr. Laura on the radio with a caller who was fretting about leaving her family for a few days. Dr. Laura said, “what if you got killed in a car wreck on a daily errand…they would survive if you have given them the correct skills” ….or something similar. Think about it!

There is a difference ( to me) in leaving your family to work or for a short trip or leaving your family to seek your own stardom…such as Kate and many others in Hollywood. I have certainly not walked in their shoes.

Michelle

March 16th, 2010
8:59 am

I don’t think ambition is a bad thing. When you are out just for the publicity and fame, yes, that is wrong. I think if Jon were taking care of the kids while she was gone, this would not really be an issue. I think the bigger fact is that she left all the kids with nannies, etc. WTHeck? I think she is being selfish and putting herself before her kids. (Just my opinion)

There are SO many families now that have 2 working partners. This is not at all uncommon. What about the families where both parents work and one of those parents is also going to school to earn a degree (either new or advanced). Is this too ambitious, or is it to better things for the long run?

What I see with Kate is her getting her face/name in the spot light. Once she does this, she is hoping for offers for other things. I don’t actually foresee her staying home. If she is mentioning Brad/Angelina as an example, I would have to think this is what she is striving for (fame and fortune)! The reality, though, is that those two may have nannies, but they also have the opportunity and funds to bring their kids with them or go to them at any given time!

Ambition is ok as long as it doesn’t cause the rest of your family to suffer (which it sounds like her kids are miserable).

TechMom

March 16th, 2010
9:04 am

I hardly consider going on Dancing with the Stars “going off to work”. Kate seems to want the spotlight on her. I find it hard to believe that she really HAS to work. Sure maybe she won’t be able to haul around 8 kids to Hawaii, Disney and the like but do you really think she doesn’t have enough money to stay home and nurture her kids for a little while after going through this awful divorce?

Moms should have ambition. Whether that ambition includes business suits and conference calls all day, figuring out how to have the most effective PTO or simply ensuring that you raise great kids doesn’t matter but you do have to have some drive and some goals.

My husband is the one who currently travels for 5 days a week for his job. I work from home (luckily) but my assignment may be coming to an end this summer and I may be forced to travel as well. I really don’t want to and can only hope and pray my husband and I won’t BOTH be on travel at the same time. I think it’s really important to have one of us home for the boy but I also know that if worse comes to worse, we’ll do what we have to because the mortgage payment still has to be paid. I just know that having someone stay with him during the week is going to ensure that he gets to school and gets fed but we can’t expect family or friends to discipline, ensure homework & chores get done, or that the dogs get taken care of, etc. And so while Kate’s kids are being ‘taken care of’ meaning their physical needs are being met, that does not mean their emotional, social or spiritual needs are as well.

One thing I did think about in contrast to Jon & Kate is the Duggars. They have 19 kids and rather than be 3-4 hours away while one was in the hospital, they picked them all up (well most of them) and moved them to where they had to be so they could still maintain their family structure. The other thing is that they have older and younger kids who can help take care of each other. I know not everyone agrees that this is appropriate but my point is that not only did they move their children to a house where they could be with them BUT they also have a system that allows them to take care of each other. Kate has 8 children who are all practically the same age. There are no older siblings to help out or go to in their time of need and a nanny isn’t going to fill the place of mom, dad, sister, or brother. In the end my question is WHERE IS JOHN? Why isn’t dad taking care of the kids?

MomsRule

March 16th, 2010
9:09 am

@MJG – thank you.

Years ago, when my oldest was 3/4, every morning I would watch a couple of Moms dropping their children at daycare. They would drop the kids, the kids would give their kisses/hugs and say “bye!” all excited and happy to start the day with their little friends.

Well, these two Moms were not content to just say their good byes and leave a happy child. They would stand there and fret over their little ones (”Mommy’s leaving now”, repeatedly) until the little ones would get upset and be crying at their departure. Once the kids were upset and crying for Mom – then the Moms would leave.

I wanted to shake them and say, “What are you doing?! You should want your kid to be happy and content while you are away!” IMO, these Moms were getting all of their self esteem from their kids. They didn’t feel good unless the kids were upset and “needing” them. I watched this little episode play out day after day. It drove me insanse. So sad.

RJ

March 16th, 2010
9:15 am

Ambition is personal. Some mothers have professional ambitions and parental ambitions. Some mothers simply desire to be the best mother they can be. Neither decision is wrong, it’s based on personal preference.

@Alecia stated, “Someone that cooks,cleans, watches soaps, and shops all day has few skill to transfer to their young.”

When I had my second child I chose to stop working and be an at home mom until I felt he was old enough for daycare. It was the best decision that I ever made. Your assumption that a stay at home mom “watches soaps” means that you don’t know many. It’s a tough job. I haven’t watched soaps since high school. I spent my days taking my child to the library for puppet shows and story telling, Toddler Thursdays at the High Museum of Art, free Mondays at Botanical Gardens, kids activities at Barnes and Noble, playing outside, painting, coloring, learning, watching Blues Clues…I could go on! I actually miss those days! I have a strong bond with my kids that I feel is partly due to our time together when they were young. And guess what?! When my daughter tested for catholic school, the person testing her asked her if her mom was a teacher. I will never forget how proud I was when she told me that she wasn’t supposed to say anything, but my child had done extremely well. She was quite impressed. I will also never forget when I entered my son into daycare and he was placed in the 4 year old class, yet he had just turned 3. I was concerned about that decision, but was informed that they were shocked that he was so young. They couldn’t believe how much he already knew. I am proud to say that those are the skills that I passed on to my kids.

RJ

March 16th, 2010
9:21 am

One more thing, I have a family member that is a stay at home mom of 3. She serves as president of the PTA of her son’s school, heads a non-profit organization, rallies for teachers, helps the homeless and is raising some pretty awesome kids. She has a masters degree, but is content taking care of her kids and helping make a difference in the community. Her husband makes the money so of course she has to “ask” for money. But after 15 years of marriage, they have a system that works for them. You don’t have to work outside of the home to be ambitious.

"Ambition"...

March 16th, 2010
9:24 am

…and “woking to provide for your family” are not synonymous and are being used in a totally incorrect manner here. While Kate may be “ambitious” she is not doing the DWTS gig tor provide for her family. If is leads to other TV gigs, great, but the format of the show is not set up to be a proviso for family care.

Regarding “ambition” vs “providing” my wife and had this discussion just the other day. While both of us worked for 30 + years to provide for our family, neither of us would ever be accused of being what the word “ambitious” is thought to mean. yes, we were ambitious enough to know that college did provide us with some of the necessary tools to enter the work force, but neither of us has done more than “work for the man” all of our lives.

Yes, we are monetarily comfortable, but neither of us has been happy or content in our jobs – they were a means to an end – that being to provide for our family – and though both of us enjoy 6 figure income, we do not “enjoy” ‘working for the man’. We do, however, enjoy eating every day and providing enough to get our kids through college, yet this is not considered an “ambition”, but a necessity of life.

I contrast this with a great friend from HS and college; we both excelled there and attended the same college; while he started out somewhat in the same career field post college, he had an “ambition” that I did not have, and learned, or taught himself, “how to make money”, not just have a job. He has excelled greatly over the past 30+ years because he had the drive and “ambition” to excel. Because I know from whence he came, I cannot be jealous of his success because he HAD the ambition to get out of the everyday “job mill” and drive to achieve more than the comfortable lifestyle for which I settled. Fortuantely, he is still the same humble person whom I knew in HS and college, and is, fortunately, still one of my best friends.

So, to try to lump this topic on ‘ambition’ vs moving outside the home to care for one’s family is a stretch; it is not fair to mom’s everywhere to imply that they may not have “ambition” when ambition is total misnomer when necessity is the main goal of most parents.

cld

March 16th, 2010
9:29 am

Thank you, RJ. That comment by Alecia that assumes SAHMs are shopping and watching soaps all day, got under my skin. Yes, I’m sure there are plenty of moms who do. But you know what? There also are plenty of SAHMs who spend their days doing laundry, cooking meals, teaching and playing with their children, and managing the household.

I am not a SAHM, but I aspire to be one. I am in the process of shifting my work so that I’m now working from home more than I’m working from the office – and hopefully, when the economy improves, we will be able to downsize our house so I can stop working entirely (temporarily).

I think to say that a mom who doesn’t have a “career”, or who wants to take some time off, that she doesn’t have ambition . . . is degrading. Plenty of moms choose to stay home and take time with their children because they believe it will help foster their children’s development. I happen to be one of those moms. For the most part, I don’t believe these are the same moms of MJG’s mom’s generation. I think they are strong women who have firm beliefs that they will raise happier, healthier, better adjusted children (and in turn adults) by taking a more active role in their early years.

I think our modern business society has, in some ways, forced women into that corner. In other ways, it has made the balance a bit easier. For instance, well-paying, benefit-providing careers that don’t require more than 40 hours a week, are hard to come by. Employees have been pitted against one another in a battle to see who can work the hardest. Those who aren’t putting in overtime, answering e-mails on Sunday nights, etc, are being pressured to do those things because so-and-so is willing to do it. As a result, if a parent wants any quality time with his or her children, it’s becoming increasingly necessary to sacrifice those career ambitions. I know there are exceptions. But this is what I see around me. Those who are being promoted, are working 60-hour weeks and either don’t have children or never see them. Those who aren’t putting in those hours, are being left by the wayside.

you

March 16th, 2010
9:31 am

Ambition is not the issue. The issue is motivation.

They are not the same thing.

cld

March 16th, 2010
9:34 am

Also, I alluded to SAHMs managing the household. Just because a person doesn’t work, doesn’t mean he or she has to ask for money. When my husband was unemployed following a layoff, he didn’t have to ask me for money to buy gas or other essentials. We did BOTH consult one another before buying anything non-essential, even new clothes for his interviews. But that’s a matter of relationship dynamic between two people. That’s always how our finances have worked: both of us have access to all of the money no matter who earned it. But if we’re going to buy something we really don’t need, or something big that we do need (new tires for the car, new clothes for work, even entry fee for athletic events), we check with the other person just to make sure it’s okay. The other person never says no – but it’s a courtesy.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

March 16th, 2010
9:53 am

Guys — totally unrelated to children and motherhood — but a fascinating story — the army is changing it’s physical fitness training based on real world combat — first change to their training program in 30 years — very interesting read.

http://www.ajc.com/news/nation-world/army-drops-bayonets-busts-373643.html

DB

March 16th, 2010
9:58 am

@Alecia: “Someone that cooks,cleans, watches soaps, and shops all day has few skill to transfer to their young.”

Oh, GAG! I roll my eyes anytime someone pulls this old chestnut out, and lumps all SAHM’s in the “well-meaning but slightly simple” category. There are Moms that are all over the place in terms of motivation and skill — just like any workplace. Having a uterus does not automatically make you a good mom.

After working almost 10 years at a high level in an intensive job, I made the decision to be a SAHM, and I can tell you right now — I have YET to watch a soap opera. Did I cook? Oh, yeah — my family ate very well because I had time to plan nutritious and economical meals, far more so than when I worked. I even went through a phase when I made my own organic babyfood (yeah, well, I got over that one soon enough!) We went to children’s museums, we went on trips to the Tennessee Aquarium, we went to puppet shows, we went to the Kid’s Comedy Theatre (used to have them at The Punchline.) Lots of days at the park, the nature center, taking art classes, or just hanging out in the backyard playing on the swingset with other friends in the neighborhood, or visits to the grandparents. And the house was cleaner — I didn’t have CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome), because things got done. I had a babysitter come in three mornings a week when they were very small, so I could help my husband with his business, and ended up starting my own business from home as the kids grew older. So, Alecia — be very careful about your sweeping generalizations. Not all SAHM’s are ignorant, pregnant and barefoot — as a matter of fact, just in my neighborhood playgroup, we had an ex-mortgage banker, an ex-attorney, an ex-statistician with a master’s degree in quantitative psychology, an ex-CPA, and an ex-teacher. I can say with certainty that NONE of these women plopped their feet up and ate Whitman Samplers while watching “Days of Our Lives”. We all felt that, at that time in our lives, we were doing what was best for us and for our families. Now that all of our kids are in college, all of us are back at work and enjoying that, too. But I will always be grateful I made the opportunity to stay home. Having said that —

As for Kate Gosselin: Let’s face it, the woman can’t catch a break. Either she stays at home with the kids and gets lambasted for not bringing in income, or she goes out and does a VERY short-term project and gets lambasted for abandoning her children. That crap about “oh, her kids miss her . . .” Well, duh, yeah. And she misses them. This is not news for ANY mother and child. I would attend a national convention every year for a week — and my kids would miss me, and I would miss them. We all survivied quite nicely, thank you. She’s doing the best she can with the resources she has — if that means cashing in on her 15 minutes of fame in a job that doesn’t require her to take off her clothes and pose for Playboy, then more power to her. What’s wrong with ambition? Are women not allowed to be ambitious, except through their children? Let’s face it, her taking a part-time job as a teaching assistant at the local elementary school isn’t going to put food on the table for all those kids. I’m not a Kate Gosselin fan, but it’s hard to fault someone who is doing what women all over the country are doing every day — just trying to get by.

Sally Sunshine

March 16th, 2010
9:58 am

As I read these comments, I question why are we still having this conversation almost 100 years after the women’s suffrage movement of the 1920s? Women are not a monolithic group with the same needs, agendas, family situations, etc. Families come in all sizes. Like the other bloggers, I wish the conversation did not include the Gosslins. But since it does, i would like to add to the conversation a few points. Hollywood is a business. Dancing with the Stars is work. While viewers may see the entertainment value of it and grant fame and celebrity to its participants, many in Hollywood do it for the money. The Stars get paid $ 125,000 for the first 2 episodes and then $20,000 for each week thereafter. They also get an addition $50,000 bonus if they make it to week nine of the competition. So it works out to a maximum of $ 245,000 after it is all said and done. Not bad for four to six weeks worth of “work.”

I applaud any Mom who does what she needs to do to take care of her family. There is nothing illegal or immoral about her working in this manner to provide in the absence of her husband. It is not easy being a single Mom. I know because I am one. The question we should be asking is why is Jon not more active and finacially supportive. I am tired of people, especially other women, attacking the choices of moms making solo family decisions because of absent dads who chose not to participate or are not fully engaged in the family thing.

you

March 16th, 2010
10:09 am

No one would say a word if Kate Gosselin got a job in a factory, or if she became a police officer.

The critism is of her motivation. People can’t know for sure, but they assume that she takes this “job” because she loves the fame, not because she wants to make money for her children.

stepmom2

March 16th, 2010
10:16 am

@ DB…LOL… very well said!!

Jesse's Girl

March 16th, 2010
10:17 am

A woman/mom’s ambition is a very relative thing. I traveled with my girls when they were very young…..but the nature of my job allowed for that. When I became preggo with The Boy…staying home and working in the studio became the top priority for me. My ambitions and goals have waxed and waned over the years. What I truly want is for all 3 of my children to see that a strong work ethic and love of family are not mutually exclusive.

Per this fame-hungry Kate….I think at this point sucking face with the media is all she feels she can do to support her brood. But her absense is damaging her kids…it has to be. Well…adding to the damage already done.

you

March 16th, 2010
10:21 am

In addition to the question of Kate Gosselin’s motivation, critism is also heavier on her because she is not like other mothers. She has 8 children.

She went to extraordinary measures to become a mother to such a large litter of babies, people expect her to go to extraordinary measures to raise them.

motherjanegoose

March 16th, 2010
10:23 am

@ JG…this is wonderful:

What I truly want is for all 3 of my children to see that a strong work ethic and love of family are not mutually exclusive.

FCM

March 16th, 2010
10:38 am

She is critized for the choices she makes…just like Jon was. If all she were interested in is making sure that those kids were taken care of she would make choices that kept her home with those kids not on TV. Kate is addicted to the Limelight and not setting a good example for her children. Not to mention that at her twins (the older ones) are very close to that 11 yo dating age…it will be interesting (but VERY VERY SAD) to see how many of the 8 end up on the tabloids making Lindsey Lohan look like a Nun.

Jeff– again I agree with you–again. I also think people stopped talking about home-life balance the minute the economy tanked.

FCM

March 16th, 2010
10:39 am

T my comment got kicked….I used a bad word for Kate…won’t apologize for that but if you can fish it out and delete the word I appreciate it.

TnT's Mom

March 16th, 2010
10:45 am

Why are nannies taking care of the kids instead of their father?

motherjanegoose

March 16th, 2010
10:47 am

@ DB…love CHAOS..that describes my house most of the time :0.

I have learned that a clean house does not really make me happy. My work, family and friends do. So, for me, I give it a good once over ( from top to bottom) when I am home say 4 times per year. We do clean every week but, trust me, it does not last. Kinda like getting all the laundry done and seeing the hamper full in 2 days…not my cup of tea!

This week, I have meetings at night…yeah… I can hang out during the day!

JATL

March 16th, 2010
10:53 am

First of all, I don’t think anyone can look at Kate as being a “real-world” example of ANYTHING! And yes, if you leave your 8 kids for several weeks to be on a stupid tv show, you should be criticized. Why aren’t the kids and nannies nearby so she can see them at least in the morning and night? Where is Jon? I think a better example would be of a couple where one is a surgeon and the other either a successful business owner or high-powered attorney. Both jobs take a LOT of time, so if they decide to have kids, at least one of them should choose to scale back, maybe take a less-demanding job in their field, etc.

I have recently returned to full-time work after a 4 year absence to have and stay at home with my two little ones. My reasons for going back to work are many, and it has been a good thing. I draw the line when BOTH parents are so tied to careers that they’re logging 60-80-100 hours a week, nights, weekends, lots of travel, etc. and their live-in nannies are basically raising their children. Those folks seem to have kids as an “accessory” item and it’s gross.

Sometimes one parent has a job (like MJG) where travel is required. I think as long as both parents aren’t gone all the time, the one who is gone a lot just has to work to pick up the slack. I DO NOT like people who have kids and then seem to want nothing in their careers or social lives to change. I simply do not understand why these people have children! As many know from prior posts of mine, I think Kate is a moron and I hope no one uses her as an example of good motherhood for many, many reasons!

Let’s face it -most parents have to work in some capacity. I just think it’s about prioritizing and making sure both of you aren’t gone all the time and that the time you have with your children you make quality time (actually engaging them and not parking them in front of a tv or something).

JATL

March 16th, 2010
10:59 am

And for those of you who STILL don’t think SAHMs do much or are “simple” -one of the reasons I’m loving being back at work is that it’s so restful and easy! I get to go to the bathroom ALONE, and I choose what I want to (peacefully) eat for lunch. When I was at home the tv was NEVER on during the day -I deplore daytime tv -and I cooked a great meal and made healthy lunches for my kids (still do before I go to work each day). We played a lot, went outside and took tons of field trips. I worked like a crazy woman trying to keep the laundry done and the house clean (jobs I’m now farming off to a housekeeper because I have the money). I rarely shopped for anything other than outlet kid’s clothes and had to keep a very tight budget.

The stay at home mothers (and fathers) I know are the hardest working people other than nurses and teachers I know!

Spacey

March 16th, 2010
11:08 am

@Sally Sunshine… Agreed! If anyone on this blog had a shot to make over $200,000 for 6 weeks of work, would they not? If she was going to become a Police Officer, would we be debating whether or not a Mother of 8 children should choose a profession that could get her killed? She is a celebrity and as a celebrity, this is her work.
On the flip side, I’m sure the kids miss her. She is a strong force and they look to her for what to do.
Don’t the children miss Daddy when he is gone? I’ve heard nothing about the kids missing Jon.

Brian in Athens

March 16th, 2010
11:15 am

The virtuous wife described here did not just sit at home. Vs. 16 says she considers a field and buys it and with her profits plants a vineyard. However, no one can deny her FIRST priority is her home and her children. Balance is the key. If you cannot properly fulfill your responsibilities at home all the outside work will leave your children unnurtured and untrained. The same goes for the husband. Being a father might mean majority breadwinner, but if you haven’t had the time to talk to your kids and help raise them then the additional money you make by traveling all the time or working long hours will have you wondering what you did wrong later in life.

Proverbs 31:10-31 (New King James Version)

The Virtuous Wife
10 Who[a] can find a virtuous[b] wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
15 She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “ Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.

Michelle

March 16th, 2010
11:16 am

I think if I could chuck my daytime job for a year or two, I would. I would LOVE to be home to clean (alone while he’s in school), volunteer in the classes, work with the PTA, volunteer for field trips, etc. Unfortunately, I am the primary breadwinner and the one who is stable in their job (the grown up?!) LOL! I also hold all the benefits, so that isn’t happening.

You know, besides working, I used to volunteer on the homeowners association board of directors and my nursing organization. I want my little guy to see there are things besides work that can be worth volunteering for! I’m also home almost every too. I only have 1 evening every other month that has my committment to be there in person.

My “ambition” if you will, would be to have the $$ to complete my master’s degree and become a nurse practitioner. Then, I could work part time and be able to devote more time to the boy and possible after school activities! Yes, it would take some time, but right now, MANY of the classes are on-line and could be completed after the little one is at bed, at lunch, etc. (see where I’m going with this). You don’t HAVE to go hours away to work for your ambition.

My thoughts are scattered today. I’m not quite sure this made a lot of sense (or was as relative to the topic as it should be)!

MJG…I definitely have a CHAOS house right now! Unfortunately, we have company coming in from out of state on Friday. Their house looks like something out of an interior design magazine! So…I’m going to be doing some cleaning over the next couple of days, somehow or another! Sleep may have to be put on hold! LOL!

Just Saying

March 16th, 2010
11:17 am

@TechMom: “In the end my question is WHERE IS JOHN? Why isn’t dad taking care of the kids?”

@TnT’sMom: “Why are nannies taking care of the kids instead of their father?”

@JATL: “Where is Jon?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kate refuses to allow Jon to have extra visition time with the children while she’s away. Rather, she has the nannies taking care of them. Just another example of Kate’s awesome mothering skills….not!

Virginia

March 16th, 2010
11:22 am

I choose to see this situation a little differently than most…I believe that Kate is trying to extend her 15 minutes of fame for as long as possible in order to support her children. If she allows herself to step out of the spotlight for more than a few minutes, the fickle public will forget about her and her family. The big money job offers will run dry. How does a single parent support 8 young children on a nurse’s salary?? Kate can earn a whole lot more money in a whole lot less time with this dancing gig than she ever could as a nurse. I just think that if you look below the surface you will see more than a woman getting a new hairsyle every other day. You will see a mother trying to earn and save money for her children’s future, just like the rest of us.

Rectal Bleeding

March 16th, 2010
11:22 am

Wait……This woman has twins AND sextuplets? She’s not off doing another job. she’s escaping!

Rectal Bleeding

March 16th, 2010
11:23 am

She should do a show about all her kids. Of course, I would not watch it. Kids give me the creeps.

Jenn

March 16th, 2010
11:24 am

I have no problem with a mom having ambition/traveling for work/etc. But Kate’s in the wrong here if the rumor mill is accurate & she will not allow Jon to have greater custody of the kids while she’s off doing Dancing with the Stars. There’s no need for nannies to raise the kids if, in fact, one of the parents wants the job.

nurse&mother

March 16th, 2010
11:38 am

“ambition”??? Hardly, Greed, absolutely.

Jesse's Girl

March 16th, 2010
11:40 am

Rectal Bleeding…OMG….I think I cracked a rib laughing at your name!!!!

nurse&mother

March 16th, 2010
11:45 am

IMO, there is nothing wrong for a parent to travel to support the family. However, Kate Gosselin has proven time and again that she is all about greed. She loves the freebies, lifestyle, and attention. When is American Society going to stop paying her attention? No wonder Jon left. (NOT that he has acted like father of the year since the split.)

They have both proven to be selfish and greedy. (and have little regard for their children)

Those who still keep up with her are almost as pathetic as she, IMHO.

TechMom

March 16th, 2010
11:51 am

@Rectal Bleeding I do think the reason she’s doing the Dancing show instead of Kate + 8 (”a show about all her kids…”) is because Jon put a restriction on allowing the kids to be taped. Dumb on his part b/c now he can’t get in on the action. I’m pretty sure he could have negotiated some type of pay even though Kate would have been the one making the majority of the money due to the kids (but since she would use the money for the kids/house, I’m guessing he could have negotiated out of how much child support he would have to pay too). In fact they’re both morons for not figuring out a way to make that work. They were obviously making lots of money doing it since they didn’t have any other jobs and were able to take lots of trips.

So I wonder how much money these nannies are making while Kate is gone???

I think I did see something where she said she was going to be home some (practicing in the basement when the kids are at school) and her partner from the show would travel to her house so she wouldn’t be gone the entire season.

abc

March 16th, 2010
11:56 am

Sally, women’s suffrage is about the right to vote, not working moms.

America’s drift away from traditional roles doesn’t really serve families and children’s welfare all that well. A man’s natural role is to be the breadwinner and provider, a woman’s ideal is well described by the Proverbs passage quoted — as if anyone could really live up to that, but it’s an ideal.

Let a man be the man. REQUIRE a man to be the man. If he can’t hold up his end of the bargain, don’t marry him. If a career is all that important to a woman, she may question why she wants to have kids in the first place. If more marriages would be handled that way, there’d be less divorce, fewer single moms, and thus less stringent requirement for moms to work.

But then, many women wish to discard the traditional roles, even feeling constrained by them, and then expect the man to pick up the slack. Everyone has certainly noticed that men aren’t that adept at domestic roles. There’s a reason for that.

nurse&mother

March 16th, 2010
11:58 am

While it may be true that Kate can make more money (and in a respectable way) by being on TV for 15 minutes than she could working a shift at the hospital, her past actions have, IMO, proven that she is not as concerned about providing for the fam as she is about being in the “Limelight”.

I have absolutely no problems with a parent needing to travel for extended periods of time to put food on the table. Kate, however, wants a tummy tuck, new hair extensions, (and whatever will make Kate look better).