Are you too tired for sex?

A new study from the National Sleep Foundation shows about one in every four Americans married or living with someone says they are often too tired to have sex.

The New York Times reports:

“The study, based on a random sampling of 1,007 adults ages 25 to 60, focused on differences in sleep habits among ethnic groups — but the responses on tiredness and sex were about the same across the board.”

The report found that Whites were most likely to have a diagnosis of insomnia. Black were most likely to have sleep apnea and Hispanics stayed awake worrying about work, money and relationships.

The Asian-Americans reported getting the best sleep. Interestingly they were less likely to watch TV or drink alcohol before going to bed and were less likely to share a bed with their mate.

So what’s your status: Are you too sleep deprived to have sex? How many hours of sleep are you getting a night? What time are you getting to bed? Are your pre-bedtime ritual conducive to sleep:? What do you make of these racial breakdowns in the sleep study?

Editor’s Note: Commenting has been turned off on this entry.

215 comments Add your comment

motherjanegoose

March 9th, 2010
7:16 am

HAHAHA…I m always tired and never get enough sleep. Or should I say I never get enough quality sleep, as i typically wake up every 2-4 hours and I have tried every pill out there…nothing helps.
I am outta here today….y’all have fun!

jan

March 9th, 2010
7:48 am

Same here. Never sleep long enough at any one time to get the necessary rest. Up at least 2 times per night and watching the clock at other times. Too much going on to settle down prior to going to bed. Family responsibities sometimes are overwhelming. I am the parent to my parent and that’s a hard job.

Jeff

March 9th, 2010
7:50 am

To stick to the point of your headline: NO. LOL. Everything is the priority you make it.

Jeff

March 9th, 2010
7:52 am

On second thought, maybe I misunderstood the point, TWG. Is this another in the long line of “why men cheat”? Hello, hello, anyone?

Jane

March 9th, 2010
8:07 am

Sex? After being married, working, cleaning the house, taking care of the kids? Sex?

Photius

March 9th, 2010
8:12 am

Sometime, we are both too tired. Let’s see what queen bee says, Mother Jane Goose.

jan

March 9th, 2010
8:13 am

In other words w/o sleep, no sex. Life’s demands get in the way. So Jeff, if the man or woman cheats just because they aren’t getting sex then they are a very selfish person.

Van Jones

March 9th, 2010
8:13 am

I am DIGGING your topics lately!!!

Andrea

March 9th, 2010
8:15 am

No, I am not too tired to have sex. It’s all in the planning. Sure you can get burned out with the requirements of just completing each day’s tasks. But, the bigger effort should be put into your significant other and not into the day to day tasks. There are enough “home help” things out there to keep you organized and help you run your home smoothly. Being too tired for sex is not a plausible excuse (not everyday).

Yes, I get enough sleep now. I had to just scale back. Say no to some volunteer efforts, some church activities, some school activities and put that time and effort into my home and family. Just for the record – I work full time with two children so I am not just talking the talk, I am walking it as well.

Raqi

March 9th, 2010
8:23 am

Yeah, sometimes I am quite exhausted and sex gets put off. But we always get back to it. Even if it has to be in the morning.

I have a husband, a 9 month old and a 15 year old at home so my hours get plenty used up. I get about 5 hours of mostly sleep on most days. Saturday mornings are when I get to sleep in. It’s an agreement that my husband and I have since he leaves for work later than I do during the week. On Saturday mornings he gets to sleep until the baby is awake and he has to get up change and feed her. I on the other hand get to sleep.

But sex? We always find time for sex. Even if we have to meet for a long lunch one day during the week.

RJ

March 9th, 2010
8:27 am

Had you asked me this question a few years ago I would’ve said YES!!! Now, the kids are a little older and don’t need so much of my time. Now I can exercise and get my bath without constant interruptions (most of the time!). I’m also out by 9:30, compared to 11:30 a few years ago. Changing schools has helped as well. I was miserable at my job and that caused a lot of stress. Our sex life is much better because I am less stressed. He’s helping around the house more, so I’m not as tired and our sex life is a lot more like it was before the kids.

New Stepmom

March 9th, 2010
8:31 am

I agree with Jeff, this can be why men cheat-selfish or not. The hubs and I make time for each other and that leads to hanky panky. Just being able to enjoy his company at dinner is quite the aphrodisiac. I know when our little guy gets here, things will change a bit, but we will make each other a priority.

Dave

March 9th, 2010
8:36 am

My wife and I are avid smokers. We decided to try to quit and only smoke after sex.

I quit cold turkey.

My wife is up to 2 packs a day!

Jeff

March 9th, 2010
8:41 am

You all may have realized by now that I like to instigate a little bit. It’s kinda like creating my own entertainment.

In my relationships, I make it a priority to do things around the house for multiple reasons. My father did, so I am usd to a man helping. My helping with dishes, laundry, etc helps me feel like it’s my house equally when I’m finished. When I help around the house, she has more energy and motivation for me, is more understanding of things I want to do (outside of the bedroom in this case) and, quite honestly, has fewer mood swings, etc. It’s a win-win. But I realize that everyone’s situation isn’t like that. But be warned; when my priority list is ignored for too long, my motivation to contribute to the “partnership” is going to start to diminish. It’s just human nature.

Waittilnextyear

March 9th, 2010
8:44 am

My wife’s been too tired for sex for twenty years.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

March 9th, 2010
8:49 am

RJ — I’m with you — We’re getting more sleep now that baby is 3 —- By the way Lilina had a birthday on Sunday — she and her father share a birthday — he turned 40!!! and she turned 3!!! Princess Party this coming Saturday for her!! But back to the point — sex definitely increasing as the children get older.

Jeff — why do men cheat???????

jan

March 9th, 2010
8:51 am

I agree with you Jeff. There is nothing sexier than to come home after a hard day or in my case dealing with my dad and having some of the housework done. You better believe I am in a mood to please and thank him. I have a great husband who knows what I need in the every room in our home. He helps and I am very appreciative in any way I can be. :)

Ninga

March 9th, 2010
8:54 am

I am often too tired for sex, but I take a few minutes for myself to get ready for my husband. We make it a priority, tired or not. When our sex life is going well, the rest of our lives fall in. When we aren’t having sex enough, that tension comes out in other areas. Having sex a lot keeps mommy and daddy both happy.

QRS

March 9th, 2010
8:58 am

At night? yes. After 8 years of marriage and 15 together, we only have sex two or three times a week now. Maybe I’m just getting older. I prefer to have sex in the mornings or right when I come home from work. By 10PM, I’m not interested.

I would probably be more interested in going back to daily sex if it weren’t for the responsibility part. I mean, if sex was just penetration, get it done and go on, I’d still do it everyday. Maybe more. But sex means that both of us have to acheive a climax, therefore, it might be a 30 minute activity. I haven’t had a “quickie” in many years.

Tiffany C

March 9th, 2010
8:59 am

This topic is funny, always want to have intercourse. To be honest I would tell him I would give him some, but by the end of the night I’m to tired to perform (I work and go to school full time), and tell him so and he becomes upset. I tell him we shouldn’t be having sex and we are not married anyway, but if you want to act like I owe you sex you won’t get no more! It’s weird because I be wanting to, I just be so drained by the end of the day and other days I just don’t fell up to it.

Michelle

March 9th, 2010
9:05 am

Jeff, I think you hit the nail on the head for most women! When the man actively participates in the whole activities of life (house, cleaning, kids, laundry, etc.), this takes a little bit off of the woman allowing her time to relax too!

I like what QRS says too, it’s not just about the “act” for most women. A majority of the time, that is not at all what women are looking for!

sigma6

March 9th, 2010
9:05 am

Ninja I have to agree with u 100% When the sex is good and frequent enough everything else falls in line but when its a dry spell the tension definitely shows up in other areas!

Jeff

March 9th, 2010
9:05 am

LOL. TWG, I have no idea. The last time I cheated was when I was 23 and dating and we were pretty much over with. I’ll be 40 in 2 months. It’s just not my thing. I’ve always looked at it this way: If a woman knows I’m in a relationship and wants to sleep with me anyway, she’s not really someone I want to sleep with.

Men cheat for just as many different reasons as women. And yes, women cheat. Note I did not say ALL in either of those cases. I look at it this way; you know your partner’s priorities and they know yours (although yours tend to change with the latest fad, while mine have stayed the same from day one). Satisfying priorities is a two-way street.

QRS

March 9th, 2010
9:24 am

“I like what QRS says too, it’s not just about the “act” for most women. A majority of the time, that is not at all what women are looking for!”

Right. And most of the time I enjoy the fore play and the satisfaction of seeing my wife in extasy. But sometimes, I just need to get rid of this in a physical sense only and I don’t feel like taking 30 minutes to do it. Those times, its easier just to take care of it myself.

Sometimes sex is for affection, love, and mutual satisfaction. But sometimes sex is just for a quick physical release of built up fluids.

ozzy

March 9th, 2010
9:25 am

I sleep 9 hours on the average. After Sex or not, I close my eyes and fall asleep in less than 2 minutes and wake up only 1 time for potty. I then fall asleep again right way. Maybe it is an Asian-American thing, but sleeping is never a problem.

Sorry, ladies...

March 9th, 2010
9:27 am

…but in my experience the attitude “that if hubby helps around the house then I am much more inclined to give him sex” is not only laughable, but completely wrong to even think that way – you are using sex as a reward and a demand, and that is just not right.

In 27 years of marriage I have been more than equal in sharing “household domestic duties”. I washed and folded all my laundry and the kids (she does hers), I wash the dishes EVERY night (and unload the dishwasher) – she does pretty much all the cooking (except the grilling out); I vaccuum regularly (she does, too);, I wassh the windows; we both clean the bathrooms; I read and played with the kids and bathed them regularly when they were little (and I got up every Saturday morning when they were babies so she could sleep in (we both worked); I never left any article of clothing on the floor, and never left the seat “up”. Yet, when it came to sex, she was not interested, until the kids were in college.

Now that she is retired (I still work), I still do all the above things (sans the kids stuff), and she is more “willing” to participate. Vacations were always pretty good times for sex, so it really is, in my estimation, more of a “tired factor” than anything else. But to use the excuse that “he does not help around the house” is a crock and an excuse.

JATL

March 9th, 2010
9:35 am

YES! I am too tired for sex and my husband is too. We’re really trying to work on it, but we’re both exhausted. Now that I’m back to work full time AND my secondary from home job has kicked in crazily -and of course there are the two little wonders we love -we’re just TIRED! I look forward to one day feeling rested and aroused again…

itpdude

March 9th, 2010
9:38 am

I think a big point is being missed here. WHY are we tired? What are some of the habits many of us have acquired that has led to being tired? My bad habit that leads to being tired is falling off my nighttime routine. The routine SHOULD go like this: No tv after 10, hot tea and melatonin, reading, in bed by 11. Good diet (I quit fast food completely years ago) and exercise (this is difficult to keep up with but I try to take stairs and park further away to “work in” little bits of exercise into my daily life) help, but if you cut off the tv and start the process of bedtime an hour before you intend to sleep, you will feel better. But it takes discipline and I fall off that wagon ALL the time. . . . and pay for it by being freakin’ tired.

FCM

March 9th, 2010
9:40 am

Too tired for sex? He%% No. I am not a one nighter kind of person. I am not married. I am not currently in a “relationship”. Therefore what I am is undersexed. I believe in a good healthy (read active) sex life…it keeps stress down, fights insomnia, burns 370 calories a “pop”, boosts the esteem, there are SO many benefits. In fact it is one of the things I miss most about not being in a Monogamous relationship.

Big Mike

March 9th, 2010
9:44 am

It’s Tuesday morning and I am wide awake. Any of you mom’s free today? PS.. I have a van.

BJ

March 9th, 2010
9:53 am

Why does every bride smile when she walks down the aisle? B/C she’s knows she’s given her last BJ. Ha!

Jeff in Roswell

March 9th, 2010
9:54 am

Yes, we are to tired for sex. Lately, it’s been 1-3 times a month. She works more than full time and getting her MBA at the same time. I take care of life’s other responsibilities and work when I can. Right now it’s not easy – but it will pass with time. She’s gone this week on a business trip and hopefully we can have some bow chika wow wow when she gets home this weekend.

Jose

March 9th, 2010
9:55 am

SEX! I dont need no stinking sex!

Ron Jeremy

March 9th, 2010
9:56 am

Yeah right. A business trip. She’s banging her other man.

Jeff in Roswell

March 9th, 2010
9:57 am

Who is the moron in here today?

Jose

March 9th, 2010
9:57 am

I read that women have an average of 7 affairs in each marriage while men have only 3. We are getting screwed again and not being kissed.

Jose

March 9th, 2010
9:58 am

I like this Pam!

Jeff

March 9th, 2010
10:00 am

This is kinda getting like the blog across the page. That’s not a good thing.

senoia dawgs

March 9th, 2010
10:01 am

If I had a nickel for every time I have heard I am too tired or have a headache I would be a multi-millionaire. I also agree the helping around the house is a crock. When both work and the male does the majority of the housework then that excuse of helping out goes out the door. No I don’t get enough but it is always a priority to me that never gets met.

THWG

March 9th, 2010
10:04 am

Why is everyone airing their private life in public? Don’t you folks have any shame?

Robin

March 9th, 2010
10:04 am

Exhaustion + no opportunity = no sex

Yep, we are tired, but our biggest obstacle (sp) to having sex, is our child who sleeps with us. Can’t get her to sleep in her bed. Really kills the desire with a 5 year old in the middle of the bed!

Troll Killer

March 9th, 2010
10:04 am

if you ignore the trolls eventually they go away…do not feed them!

KDFatlanta

March 9th, 2010
10:13 am

Dave? Now, now, Dave? All I can do is laugh!

Rectal Bleeding

March 9th, 2010
10:13 am

It’s in the bible and I can’t express it?

m

March 9th, 2010
10:13 am

33, mother of 2 kids under 5, married for almost 9 years. the baby is still a baby-baby…she is only 15mos. the older kid is a blessing…goes to bed on her own, can sleep through a hurricane, and is potty-trained even at night.

i don’t get hardly any sleep, or good sleep i should say. anywhere from 3-5 hours, doesn’t matter if it’s weekday or weekend. i go to bed late because i can’t seem to actually fall asleep and stay asleep if it’s before 11pm. if i go to bed early, i will most definitely be awake by 1:30 or so and then i have issues with falling back asleep. baby is up anywhere from 2-6:30, and there could be a couple times in that range too. (cutting molars and canines right now, unpleasant) older kid has to be in school by 8 and i have to be at work by 9.

it’s my fault. obviously, right? no seriously…i am the type of person that insists on not wanting help…until i’ve taken on way too much and are overwhelmed, then it pains me to actually admit that i should’ve asked for help earlier, or that i should ask now and i still won’t do it until it’s just way way way too much and my relationship suffers because of it. and sex? sex is directly linked to all of that. 2-3x a week??? i’m good with that many times a month but unfortunately my husband is not.

KDFatlanta

March 9th, 2010
10:15 am

Many years ago when I was a child, I remember my Uncle James had a cap that read, “Sex is a misdemeanor. The more I miss, de meaner I get!” Took me YEARS to understand that!

LeeH1

March 9th, 2010
10:16 am

You can always find time wasters and things to do and things other people demand of you to do to keep you from sleeping. But if you don’t put any priority on your marriage, there are always other singles out there who will.

Snuggling and sex are part of the glue of marriage. Throw some solvent on it, and the marriage can come undone. You are in charge. If the kids make demands on you that keep you from paying attention to your spouse, smile and say “No.”

Get enough rest, tomorrow will take care of itself. And if all the chores ain’t done, then they need to be re-ordered, and your family needs to be re-trained. The kids need a parent, not a martyr. Your spouse needs a partner, not a wipe rag for the children. Turn off the TV and computer after 8:00pm, and you’ll find there’s all sorts of time left over.

Jeff

March 9th, 2010
10:19 am

@m. I’m curious, how long did you raise the issue of having kids before you got pregnant? My reason for asking is this: some women will want —- added to their life, then they want —- added to their life, then —–, then —-. Next thing you know, you’ve got all these things you said you wanted and now you’re too tired for our things.

just sayin

March 9th, 2010
10:19 am

women I have seen it time and time again… if you are not giving it up at home… they will go some where else

Jeff

March 9th, 2010
10:21 am

Or, you could get off this blog everyday, go take a nap instead of typing and improve your relationship.

Uconn

March 9th, 2010
10:26 am

Actually the headache excuse doesn’t fly. Its been proven that sex will get rid of a headache…. I will find the study later… (and hey I am a female!) I am newly married (but we lived together for 2.5 years) and I am sure there will come a day when one of us is too tired, but I hope now I (we) can find ways to get over being tired… As I have heard before, you will have time for sleep when you are dead. LOL … Actually last Tuesday on our cruise (honeymoon), there was a storm at sea, so you can imagine how badly the ship was rocking and bouncing… NOTHING that night as it was all I could do to keep the dinner down! Poor thing was trying to get me to sleep and I was worried about him… Oh well…

Melo

March 9th, 2010
10:29 am

If she ever makes that mistake,I am out…..

too tired for what????

I would rather have dirty dishes in the sink than have no sex.

Sex is a priority!!

yep going there....

March 9th, 2010
10:31 am

it is so sad that some women use the excuse from going from a size 2 to a 20W and blame it on the baby fat when they are sitting there stuffing their face with pastry…. It is an excuse…..

Aquarius

March 9th, 2010
10:33 am

To Sorry ladies….regarding your comment that “to use the excuse he does not help around the house is a crock” and we are using sex as a reward, you don’t have a clue.

I get up an hour earlier than my husband, go to work, get home two hours after he does, cook dinner, wash the dishes, do laundry, go thru the mail, pay bills, take out the trash, and get things ready for work the next day. All the while, he is laying up in front of the TV flipping channels which I resent because I am just as tired as he is, if not more so. We have argued about this many times in the 30 plus years that we’ve been married; however, because he is “old school” and housework is woman’s work in his opinion, I am supposed to come home to my “second job” without complaint. If he were to help with the household chores, I would be way more inclined to want sex, not to reward him but because I would not be so tired and resentful.

Wedding Cake

March 9th, 2010
10:34 am

The one food that will ruin a man’s sex life is wedding cake.

Dear Aquarius

March 9th, 2010
10:35 am

He does this because you let him

not tellin

March 9th, 2010
10:35 am

What if the husband has gained 50 pounds and has obviously not birthed any children?

well not tellin

March 9th, 2010
10:37 am

are you cooking….

e

March 9th, 2010
10:38 am

Full time work, also in graduate school working on my masters degree. Two kids 9 and 11. Continuing education class every Saturday. . .and we still average about three times a week. Mostly weekends though since the weekdays are so busy.

Dave

March 9th, 2010
10:45 am

Got some good comments in here, keep them up!

I remember the first time I had sex – I was soooo scared. I was all alone.

LOL Dave

March 9th, 2010
10:46 am

do you wear glasses now?

Robbie

March 9th, 2010
10:47 am

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, and he said, “I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday – she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m stumped.” His buddy said, “I have an idea – why don’t you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it – she’ll probably be thrilled.” So the fellow did. The next day his buddy said, “Well? Did you take my suggestion?” “Yes, I did,” said the fellow. “Did she like it?” His buddy asked. “Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling “I’ll be back in an hour!!”

Andrea

March 9th, 2010
10:47 am

@Aquarius: Your husband wants a “traditional” wife in a non-traditional setting. The moment you set foot out of the house and started working outside of the home the Ward & June Cleaver scenario left. It amazes me how men want a “traditional” woman but then they also expect her to work outside of the home. If you both are in agreement, then fine. All I am trying to say is don’t expect her to work outside of the home and still take care of the house alone. It’s not fair. Aquarius – put your foot down. Or, perhaps you should put your foot up – as in up his behind.

Robbie

March 9th, 2010
10:49 am

A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent. The doctor says, “I’m not sure I understand what you mean.” She says, “Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!”

Dave

March 9th, 2010
10:52 am

I think this one sums up today’s topic:

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.” “Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.” On the way home, the husband asked his wife. “What did the doctor say?” “He said you’re going to die,” she replied.

The Truth

March 9th, 2010
10:59 am

Look, here it is:

Men — You need to do your share of the house work (cooking, cleaning, laundry, time with the kids, etc.) to keep your wife happy. And you need to complement her often. Many women have “body issues” after having kids. Instead of chastising them about the “baby weight gain” you should either help them get it off (diet and exercise together) or get used to the extra pounds, or a combination of both. Women are naturally more emotional, and so when you appeal to that side of them by making them feel appreciated AND pretty, more sex should/will come — tired or not.

Ladies — If your husband is doing all those things, then the “tired” excuse doesn’t work. If you are truly tired even though he’s doing all the things I mentioned, then it’s up to you to make the adjustment, i.e., take vitamins, find a healthy energy supplement or a libido booster of some sort. Because, trust me, if he’s meeting you half way by being a thoughtful attentive husband, and you’re still not meeting him half way with a little sex 2-3 times a week, HE WILL find another woman who will fill that void (sorry, ladies, but as men we’re selfish that way).

And remember, this is Atlanta, where women far outnumber men. So no matter how “portly” or “average looking” your hubby may be, SOME woman out there will find him attractive and fullfill the need that you have not been.

Now, if the issue is that he’s no longer attractive to you (he’s let himself go too much, etc.) — whether you have the energy or not — then that’s something you two need to discuss honestly and openly.

Now, if he’s not helping around the house or with the kids, and he’s constantly on you about your weight (even though he’s no Matthew McConoughey himself), then he’s a pig and you shouldn’t have married him in the first place! (Men, if this man is you, then your wife has probably already found some guy who makes her feel special, and he’s probably getting the sex you’re not getting!!) So seek counseling.

Bottom line: Men, if you want a happy, “appreciative” wife, make sure you’re doing your part around the house and with the kids. Women, if you don’t want your husband to “stray,” (and he’s doing his part around the house) you should figure out why you’re “too tired” and address that. Or else …

TechMom

March 9th, 2010
11:00 am

I am tired but mostly it’s just a timing issue. I’ve often told him if he could be home at like 2pm a couple of days a week, that would be great. But in all honesty, if he could make it a priority to come to bed when I do, I don’t mind putting down the book at 10pm. But don’t roll over and try to get me in the mood at 11pm or midnight when YOU’RE done watching TV if I’ve already been asleep for an hour. He’s OK with 6 hours of sleep, I’m not. I wish I had more of a desire to have sex but quite frankly, I don’t.

Simple man...

March 9th, 2010
11:03 am

WOW…. I have been dealing withthis very issue and was begining to think I was the only one!! My wide and I have 2 kids ( 3 and 18) and we have fights about being to tired ALL OF THE TIME! I try to be understanding but rejsuct the argument of having to many things to do around the house. That sounds like an excuse when others say it as well as in my house. I have never cheated, but at this rate, I will be looking for a lady that thinks like Pam from the 9:46 posting!!! LOL

Lisa

March 9th, 2010
11:05 am

@Simple man…- the fact that you said: “My wide and I…” indicates you’re already looking at her as less than sexy!

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
11:08 am

Simple answer…NO…I don’t recall ever being too tired for sex. Now there have been some nights that I’ve been REALLY tired…but TOO tired….bite your tongue! ;-)

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
11:08 am

Oh…and Pam….you and those like you make the world go round. ;-)

Simple man...

March 9th, 2010
11:09 am

Lisa

March 9th, 2010
11:05 am

Lisa, sorry about that!!!! My wife is actually a shapely 5′3″ and 125lbs, But my typing skills leave something to be desired!!!!

QRS

March 9th, 2010
11:22 am

I would never want to have sex with any woman (wife or not) who feels like she is doing me a favor. If she is not doing it because it makes her feel good, I am not interested.

I don’t want a woman who allows me sex. I want a woman who is dying for sex.

Dar

March 9th, 2010
11:28 am

Had some this morning. Have had some medical issues the last month or so that have kept us away from the activity, but now things seem to be back to normal so we will get back into the swing. I am tired, but I like sex too much to choose sleep over it. One thing that does bother me is that my guy cannot seem to understand that many times I would really just like to enjoy having sex with him and not have him try for an hour to “please” me. I wish we could have hours on end in bed whenever we wanted, but I have work, and my son and all of his activities as well as a home to keep (and yes, my man helps with that and it does give me more time for sex).

GUYS — there is a mental component to it for women, not just physical, and as much as I love and adore you I am not always going to get there. Listen to me, I will tell you when we start that it won’t happen. This is NOT a challenge. I am not asking you to try harder. I am asking you to allow me to enjoy having sex with you and pleasing you as that pleases me (perhaps more than a “happy ending” for me would). I know you want to please me too….but when that doesn’t happen it is not about you, it is just that there is way too much other stuff going on for me and I just cannot relax enough. I wouldn’t give you BJs if I was that concerned about me.

[...] There are other consequences to a poor night’s sleep. The study suggests that always being tired can impact our personal relationships, with over 25 percent of poll respondents indicating they were frequently too tired to have sex with their part… [...]

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
11:31 am

To me the work is not in having the energy or enough rest to actually do the deed, but rather in keeping it lively enough that you’re not doing the exact same thing over and over. I mean, for me I’m still viewing it kind of like pizza…good or bad, its still pretty good. But there are those stretches in a long term relationship where you think to yourself “wow..that was exactly the same way we did it the last 6 times and probably exactly the same way we’ll do it the next six”…but really that’s just another metaphor for life, isn’t it? I’ve had those days that I’m heading home from work thinking that exact same thing…..then I have to remind myself that life is pretty good and if that’s the worst of my problems, I’m pretty lucky.

drunk dawg

March 9th, 2010
11:33 am

That’s awesome Jeff…you were always a pretty cool neighbor.

Chuck Shick

March 9th, 2010
11:36 am

Men get tired of having sex with the same woman, ya’ll need to get over this. Men are programed biologically to mate with receptive females..it is what it is….

T

March 9th, 2010
11:37 am

I understand the stress of work, kids and home..BUT, if you are too tired for SEX ya’ll doing something WRONG or not right enough! Sex is to time what jello is to appetite. THERE’S ALWAYS ROOM!! I’m a 40 something female and my hormones are firing like a 18 year old boy…I GOTTA HAVE IT!!

Jeff in Roswell

March 9th, 2010
11:37 am

@Dar. I just wish my girl would tell me that before or even during the event. I can go at any time, lol… so if you want to try for yours that’s fine by me – just communicate!

QRS

March 9th, 2010
11:42 am

Dar, I understand what you are writing. However, a lot of the enjoyment of sex is the challenge of making sure you get yours. Like I wrote earlier, sometimes you just need a quick release, but most of the time the challenge is the excitement. I can’t remember the last time my wife didn’t get there before me. I would consider it to be horrible sex if I finished and she didn’t. Even if you don’t care about the climax, I would. I’d rather just handle my own business than engage in sex with a woman who is not going to climax.

T

March 9th, 2010
11:43 am

Stay in school Tiffany C. Spell Check doesn’t do squat for grammar!

QRS

March 9th, 2010
11:46 am

Dar, you could always just fake it. You know, when enough is enough and you just want to go to sleep already.

Dar

March 9th, 2010
11:47 am

@Jeff – Communication is the key to all that is good in a relationship. That is where most fall apart. In reading the comments today, I see both men and women who feel taken advantage of by their mate in one way or another. I felt that way with my X. While my X was wrong to leave all of the work to me, I was wrong not to sit him down and talk about it. The result? We are Xs. This time around I am doing it the right way. With sex, I have always communicated. I know before or within the first few minutes if anything is going to happen for me — although I have been pleasantly surprised from time to time. It has nothing to do with my man – he is wonderful in bed – it is just that sometimes there is too much junk in the way and I just cannot let go enough (that is MY fault, not his). However, I still get a ton of physical and emotional enjoyment from being with him and pleasing him. The more we have communicated about this the better it has gotten and the easier it has become for him to accept and enjoy. You really should have a discussion with your girl about it. Time is often an issue as well. Nothing gets me going more than giving a BJ as foreplay, but, alas, there is not always time for that, so we have to enjoy what we can manage at the time. Life ain’t perfect, folks. Sex is as exciting as you want it to be. It may be the same person and the same position, but if you are getting bored with it the problem is YOU.

TechMom

March 9th, 2010
11:47 am

@Dar, that’s when I tell my husband “I’m OK with a quickie” that’s my way of saying, “you don’t have to spend 45 mins trying to get me there b/c it likely won’t happen”.

@QRS, there are just times when it’s just not going to happen for me and while I still enjoy sex, I’m just not going to get ‘there’ no matter how much he tries and I’d rather him not try for 45 mins.

T

March 9th, 2010
11:48 am

@ QRS – It’s great that you found the perfect woman to be your wife because many of us never get thier and still enjoy it greatly! I love sex and am very sexually active but intercourse just hasn’t gotten me there, YET….but it’s FUN trying….but I’m like Dar it’s a LOT more cerebral for us and sometimes I just want to get it done and relax and enjoy the afterglow. Don’t try to make the ground move with marathon sex EVERY time. It’s quality, not quantity.

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
11:50 am

@Dar…you are ON POINT today! Communication is key…and works wonders to getting out of any kind of rut.

Dar

March 9th, 2010
11:52 am

Fake it? Why would I lie to my mate like that? Sex is not a challenge, it is a wonderful experience to be shared by two loving people. It isn’t like I make up my mind not to, it is just that I cannot always and it is my mental block not his failing. Believe me, most of the time there are happy endings all around. Sometimes, not for me. But I am not going to deny myself the pleasure of sex because I don’t climax each time (perhaps it is a medical condition, I dunno) and I am NOT going to lie to my mate about it either. No thanks.

T

March 9th, 2010
11:53 am

Somtimes I get stuck on the same thing because it is just SO good! The best sexual relationships I have had has not been the result of superior technique but the result of excellent communication between the two of us. Willingness to talk, take instruction and experiment!

sammy

March 9th, 2010
11:54 am

homework makes her too tired for sex…. damn you Georgia Tech

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
11:57 am

@QRS and Dar…I’m with Dar, I’d rather be told straight up it’s not going to happen than have her fake it. Talk about playing the fool.

[...] There are other consequences to a poor night’s sleep. The study suggests that always being tired can impact our personal relationships, with over 25 percent of poll respondents indicating they were frequently too tired to have sex with their part… [...]

Jonsey

March 9th, 2010
12:09 pm

@ Jeff ….LOL

Pisces

March 9th, 2010
12:13 pm

I see why some people cheat… I have a man who is in his early 30’s and overweight. I am in my late 20’s and overweight as well but I love having sex. He does not. All he wants to do is “make out” and he thinks when I beg for sex it’s unattractive. I feel like we are already old and married. I thought guys would love for their women to be sex machines. I guess I picked a dud… he told me the other night he has already reached his sexual peak…..

QRS

March 9th, 2010
12:16 pm

Tiger, presumably you wouldn’t know she faked it.

All I am saying is that if my wife calmly communicated that it wasn’t going to happen for her, I would just stop. We all have what different things that get us there, and for me its getting her there. I really don’t want discussion during sex either. i just want gutteral noises, moans, screams, and demands.

QRS

March 9th, 2010
12:16 pm

Pisces, lose some weight and find someone else.

@Pisces

March 9th, 2010
12:17 pm

have you read the book he just aint into you… girl pack your stuff and move on.. life is way too short

Pisces

March 9th, 2010
12:21 pm

He has told me that he wants to marry me and have children. He loves me but not sex. It’s hard to lose weight when you have PCOS…

Simple man...

March 9th, 2010
12:22 pm

T

March 9th, 2010
11:37 am

I don’t mean to be offensive, but would you be interested having a wonderful and mutually rewarding “friendship” with a nice, commited, but unsatisfied Guy???? LOL

Barack Obama

March 9th, 2010
12:25 pm

I’m NEVER too tired for sex. Michelle isn’t either. That gal can take it all night long. Her on top, me on top, from behind, with a zucchini, with a couple of Secret Service guys, it just doesn’t matter! Our favorite spot is the Lincoln bedroom under the portrait of GW Bush. Sometimes I ask Rahm Emmanuel to coach me while I’m doing it. David Axelrod and Robert Gibbs take notes and we talk about it later.

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
12:27 pm

I never get to say I was too tired to pay the bills or I was too tired to tune up your car or too tired to buy you a new car so the last thing I wanna hear is you are too tired for sex. That is pretty fair don’t ya think?

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
12:28 pm

@QRS…yeah but if you’re honestly into the experience being as much about her as you, then why would you want her to fake it simply for the reason of appeasing you? When my wife out of the blue says “don’t worry about the O, lets just strip down right here over the arm of the couch (or on the kitchen counter, the stairs, shower, you get the picture) and get busy because that’s how I want it RIGHT NOW”……I’m trusting that she is being honest with me and it’s not about the O for her.

I certainly WOULD NOT “rather just handle my own business than engage in sex with a woman who is not going to climax” in circumstances like that (the woman being my wife, of course.)

T

March 9th, 2010
12:37 pm

@ Simple Man – I’m flattered. How’s ur engergy level?? ;-) I like having fun. I like people who enjoy life and love to learn. I like trying new things and old stick in the muds who are too stuck in there ways to have a zest for life bore me!

Indiana Native

March 9th, 2010
12:37 pm

Theresa, my post didn’t come through! Perhaps because it was a LONG rant?!

T

March 9th, 2010
12:47 pm

@ Bam Bam

Sounds fair to me!

be a giver

March 9th, 2010
12:52 pm

I like what Sting wrote….he has makes love for eight hours. Great sex begins at the beginning of whatever day or time you choose. Begins with being nice to each other, hang out together, keep topics light, smooch, flirt (you can even do all the “beginnings” in front of the kids and kids love to watch their parents love each other) it works, trust me!

T

March 9th, 2010
1:04 pm

@ Simple Man – Again, I’m flattered but I would never be any good as “the other woman” because I want IT when I want IT and I wouldn’t leave anything for you to take home!! LOL

T

March 9th, 2010
1:06 pm

@ Bam Bam – if I had a “Take Care of Business” kind of man he certainly wouldn’t have to worry about me “Takn Care of Bizness!” I’d be busy making my costume for the night’s theme…I like role playing centered around fun and sexy themes.

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
1:06 pm

Luckily I never have this problem, probably because I won’t wanna hear it anyway. But the biggest reason is because just like all other facets of life I try to be the best. So sex with me is a treat because I make sure it is. I am more than a lover. I am an experience.

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
1:09 pm

@T
We are on the same page. Men would be surprised what can stimulate a woman outside the bedroom that would stimulate her so mentally that she rapes you when she sees you.

not tellin

March 9th, 2010
1:11 pm

@ bam bam ( 12:27) , so if a women handles all those things listed in your post for herself, then she can be too tired? I guess that logic seems fair too.

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
1:11 pm

@T
I am creative so I love a creative woman. Does your man appreciate your sexy themes and role play because that is hot?

@ tiger

March 9th, 2010
1:12 pm

there is no way you know for sure she has not faked it to shut you up.. if you act at home like you do on here.. I would fake to as well….

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
1:13 pm

@not tellin
Are you suggesting she doesn’t have a man to do it or she just likes to do it?

Juan McMexican

March 9th, 2010
1:13 pm

1 out of four people have herpes.

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
1:16 pm

@Juan
Thanks for the PSA

...

March 9th, 2010
1:18 pm

* 33.2 million people now live with HIV or AIDS.
* In 2007, approximately 2.5 million people were infected with HIV.
* Every day, over 6800 people become infected with HIV – almost five people per minute.
* 5700 people die from AIDS every day.
* One child dies every minute.
* 15 million children around the world have been orphaned by AIDS, losing one or both parents to the disease.
* Every fifteen seconds, another person age 15-24 becomes infected with HIV/AIDS.

US

* Roughly one million people living with HIV/AIDS in the United States.
* Since the start of the AIDS epidemic, 1.5 million Americans have been infected with HIV and more than 524,000 have died of AIDS.
* At least 40,000 people are infected each year.
* African Americans account for 48% of new HIV infections.
* AIDS is the leading cause of death for African American women aged 25 to 34 and HIV rates among Hispanic women are increasing.
* The number of women living with HIV has tripled in the last two decades.
* At least half of all new infections are among people under the age of 25.
* Washington, DC has the highest HIV/AIDS prevalence rates in the United States – one in 20 people are living with HIV or AIDS.

New Stepmom

March 9th, 2010
1:19 pm

@Pisces, I have PCOS too and have been able to maintain a good weight (I am 5′6″ and wear a size 6 or 8 when i am not pregnant-I am now alomost 29 weeks pregnant and have only gianed about 14 pounds). Find an excellent doc (I have one, if you want her name email Theresa and she can give you my email). One of the side effects of PCOS is depression and that can lead to bad relationships and weight issues. I have a lot of PCOS resources and have used them and am now pregnant with our miracle baby. Also, my last surgery and all of my prenatal sonograms have shown that diet, exercise, diabetes meds etc have improved my PCOS immeasurably. Do not believe that just because you have PCOS you are destined for wieght, depression and fertility issues. It is not true, you just have to get on the right track and be willing to work to find the right thing for you and you have to work to eat well and exercise.

If you do all of that, you will feel fantastic about yourself and dump the guy you are with who does not sound deserving of you.

Simple man...

March 9th, 2010
1:21 pm

T

March 9th, 2010
12:37 pm

Energy level is off the charts!!!! LOL!! I have been called a lot of things but NEVER a stick in the mud!!! Unbelievably creative and game for everything!

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
1:21 pm

@tiger….awwww…you’re so sweet, @tiger…..how many other names have you used this week to avoid any actual accountability for your views? I’ll leave it at that though, I’ve got a soft spot in my heart for people who like to speak with the bravery of being out of range.

New Stepmom

March 9th, 2010
1:21 pm

sorry for all of the typos. I got to typing and re-reading too fast…

Pisces

March 9th, 2010
1:23 pm

Thank you New Stepmom for giving me hope!!!

Lurker

March 9th, 2010
1:28 pm

Tiger you do seem to keep the pot stirring

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
1:36 pm

@Lurker….I’m confused, are you @tiger?

QRS

March 9th, 2010
1:40 pm

I fake it all the time. Eventually, I do get there, but I claim that I am about to get there several times in hopes to hurry things along.

Sex is more about the audio stimulation than anything else I have found.

Try watching pornography with the sound off. It won’t do much of anything.

So I keep moaning and saying that I am loving it when really I am just ready for her to finish so I can do what I really want to her.

***

March 9th, 2010
1:43 pm

… – You have your facts WRONG. NO ONE Has ever died of AIDS. What they die of is other illnesses that cannot be fought by the body as the AIDS VIRUS has taken over and basically shut down the immune system. But AIDS virus itself, is not a killer. You may have the AIDS virus, but that is not what caused death. You die from phumonia (sp) because your Auto Immune System was not strong enough to fight the infection, due to the AIDS VIRUS.

It’s like saying someone died from smoking pot. NEVER HAPPENED. There is absolutely no medical record of anyone dying from smoking pot.

Simple Man....

March 9th, 2010
1:47 pm

T

March 9th, 2010
1:04 pm

Oh well, can’t fault a guy for trying!!! LOL If you ever change your mind, ……

@… – You have your facts WRONG.

March 9th, 2010
1:49 pm

Introduction

AIDS was first identified in the USA in 1981. The epidemic has now spread to every part of the USA and to all sectors of society.

It is thought that more than one million people are living with HIV in the USA and that more than half a million have died after developing AIDS.

American HIV surveillance data are not comprehensive so many statistics must be based on reports of AIDS diagnoses. In interpreting such AIDS statistics, it is important to remember that they do not correspond to new HIV infections. Most people live with HIV for several years before developing AIDS.

AIDS statistics
People living with AIDS

At the end of 2007, the CDC estimates that 468,578 people were living with AIDS in America, around 20,000 more than 2006. This number includes all people who have ever been diagnosed with an AIDS-defining condition and are believed to be alive, including many people who have recovered their health by taking antiretroviral therapy. The chart below shows the ethnicities of these people, revealing that black Americans have been disproportionately affected.
Graph of ethnicity living with AIDS in the USA

The charts below show how adults and adolescents (aged 13 and over) living with AIDS most likely became infected with HIV. Just over 75% of adults and adolescents living with AIDS are men.
Graph of Men/Women living with AIDS in the USA

An estimated 3,792 children aged under 13 were living with AIDS at the end of 2007. The vast majority of these children acquired HIV from their mothers during pregnancy, labour, delivery or breastfeeding.

People with AIDS are surviving longer and are contributing to a steady increase in the number of people living with AIDS. This trend will continue as long as the number of new diagnoses exceeds the number of people dying each year.
AIDS diagnoses and deaths

In June 1981, the first cases of what is now known as AIDS were reported in the USA. During the 1980s, there were rapid increases in the number of AIDS cases and deaths of people with AIDS. Cases peaked with the 1993 expansion of the case definition1, and then declined. The most dramatic drops in both cases and deaths began in 1996, with the widespread use of combination antiretroviral therapy.
AIDS diagnoses and deaths graph.

Since 2000 the annual numbers of AIDS diagnoses have been relatively constant, with an estimated 37,041 in 2006. In total, an estimated 1,051,875 people have been diagnosed with AIDS in America.

The death rate among people with AIDS has also remained relatively stable in recent years; there were an estimated 14,561 deaths in 2007. Since the beginning of the epidemic, an estimated 583,298 people with AIDS have died in the USA.
Who is affected by AIDS?

During the 1990s, the epidemic shifted steadily toward a growing proportion of AIDS cases among black people and Hispanics and in women, and toward a decreasing proportion in MSM, although this group remains the largest single exposure group. Black people and Hispanics have been disproportionately affected since the early years of the epidemic. In absolute numbers, blacks have outnumbered whites in new AIDS diagnoses and deaths since 1996, and in the number of people living with AIDS since 1998.

During 2006 there were an estimated 28 paediatric AIDS diagnoses, compared to 195 in 1999 and 896 in 1992. The decline in paediatric AIDS incidence is associated with more HIV testing of pregnant women and the use of antiretroviral drugs such as zidovudine (AZT) by HIV-infected pregnant women and their newborn infants.

The age group 35-49 years accounted for around half of all AIDS cases diagnosed in 2007. Around two-thirds of all people who have died with AIDS did not live to the age of 45.

T

March 9th, 2010
1:54 pm

@ BAM BAM – to answer your question, NOPE. I am still holding out hope that one day I find a man I click with mentally, spiritually and physically. The statistics aren’t in my favor, but I am keeping hope alive! I’ve always imagined being married would be SO sexually liberating…we would be eachothers to do as we wish, the sky is the limit, try anything at least once. You married folks should really cherish the gift you’ve been given in a life partner and work hard to make the most of it.

Rally One

March 9th, 2010
1:55 pm

what’s with all the AIDS talk? this is about sex with your SPOUSE or significant other…not random sex!

T

March 9th, 2010
1:56 pm

you really need to lower your expecations

T

March 9th, 2010
1:56 pm

@ Simple Man -don’t temp me, I was in a bad way last night, had to take care of myself. Hugging pillows is NO fun!

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
1:56 pm

@Rally One…just a bunch of pot stirrers today.

juan one

March 9th, 2010
1:57 pm

Simple Man....

March 9th, 2010
2:00 pm

T

March 9th, 2010
1:56 pm

Well Damn!!! Did you happen to see Moniqe’s Oscar interview with Barbara Walters??? remember, resistance is futile….. Give in …..LOL

T

March 9th, 2010
2:01 pm

@ QRS – you have to finesse (sp?) the quickie. Remember we are far more cerebral than you guys. Quickies can be fun and exciting, especially in random places!

LOL

March 9th, 2010
2:04 pm

did she not say she has an open marriage?

Simple Man....

March 9th, 2010
2:06 pm

LOL

March 9th, 2010
2:04 pm

She did…. And believe it or not it kinda made sense when she explained how and why it worked for her.

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
2:08 pm

@T
No need to hug those pillows sugar

T

March 9th, 2010
2:10 pm

@ Bam Bam I think its fun also. I enjoy dreaming up the theme, making the costumes and getting the stage ready. “Naughty Nurse”, “Bad Cop,” “Catholic School girl with the dirty Head Master,” “Suprise for the Cable Guy,” “Porn Star looking for a Director,” “Tarzan/Jane” the list goes on and on…I also like to incorporate something edible into the theme if possible.

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
2:10 pm

Ok what is going on with the AIDS talk? Is somebody trying to tell us something about themselves. Does anyone know where I can buy some blog condoms?

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
2:12 pm

@T
Ok we got Monday- Saturday taken care of so I guess I could let you rest on Sunday. Lol

Truth

March 9th, 2010
2:12 pm

well if she wont give it up at home.. there is a good chance YOU bring it home….

T

March 9th, 2010
2:14 pm

@ Simple Man – by “Open Marriage” does she mean that they both go outside of the marriage, or did she mean that if a indiscretion were to happen, it wouldn’t end her marriage?? It seems as if the “other woman” ends up with the short end of the stick though…I guess I need to broaden my horizons and think about what would make me comfortable and how it could benefit us both….

T

March 9th, 2010
2:14 pm

@ Bam Bam – LMAO!!! ;-)

Piso Mojado

March 9th, 2010
2:23 pm

How many guys out there have a gut hanging over their belt? How many women out there just plain look frumpy? Most of them. Just look around next time you’re in a large shopping mall. I feel sorry for the men or women who fit in either of these categories. It seems that after 20 or more years of marriage, many people just don’t care about looking good anymore. Keeping yourself attractive to your mate is hard work. It’s even harder if you don’t exercise and eat fast food on a fairly regular basis.

I’m sorry, but there is absolutely nothing sexually attractive about an overweight man or woman.

Dar

March 9th, 2010
2:25 pm

@QRS – not having the Big O doesn’t mean not having great sex. I am a very active sexual partner; vocalizations and all that jazz. And I don’t fake a bit of it. I wouldn’t have sex with my partner if I was truly not in the mood at all….luckily, I love him and that pretty much puts me in the mood all the time. Think of it like this – sometimes when I leave the house I have a set destination and I get there; other times, I just want to go out and drive around and enjoy that without ending up anywhere. Sex is like that for me (and apparently some other women on this board) inasmuch as there are times when I have no destination (the Big O) and just want to have a fun ride with the top down, shifting gears with the wind in my hair. :)

Simple Man....

March 9th, 2010
2:25 pm

T

March 9th, 2010
2:14 pm

Well, she seemed to indicate that both cases applied. I was like wow and got to thinking that although this type of idea is outside of the norm, If both members are completely honest about where they are and what they are feeling, this type of situation could be an enhancement to a relationship instead of a deal breaker. I would have to do some soul searching, but I think I could find a place in myself that would be OK with this….

***

March 9th, 2010
2:28 pm

Piso – beauty is in the eye of the beholder!!! What you may consider unattractive, may be attractive to the spouse. There are some women who like their men with a little meat on them.

I for one, cannot stand skinny men. That’s nasty.

Van Jones

March 9th, 2010
2:28 pm

Did I log on to a dating service here???

oneofeach4me

March 9th, 2010
2:36 pm

one poster said “Sometimes sex is for affection, love, and mutual satisfaction. But sometimes sex is just for a quick physical release of built up fluids” and I 100% agree. We have sex on average 3 times a week. Somtimes it’s emotional and deep, other times it’s quick and a tention releaser.

One thing though, I NEVER EVER tell him I am TOO tired even if I am. He helps with the house and is very active in the raising of our kids (4 & 8). If I were to tell that man I was too tired, that would be doing him a great injustice! What man wants to feel as if he has to beg for it? But you know, this is just my opinion and our relationship probably isn’t like everyone elses. He does his part as my “team mate” and we work well together.

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
2:37 pm

^5 oneofeach

T

March 9th, 2010
2:41 pm

@ Piso Mojado – You are right that one should keep themselves up (primarily for self) Who doesn’t want to look good to their partner, what women doesn’t enjoy feeling sexy, but attraction is relative. What is attractive to one, may not be to another. I have always been a full figured woman and I have Never had a problem attracting men. I’ve dated professional body builders, pro wrestlers and models. I’ve had physically fit men that say they like women with meat on thier bones…so go figure. I personally don’t date big men too much, I like’em tall and trim (the mechanics work well together) but Love has a way of coming in a package you would never expect. Keep living!

T

March 9th, 2010
2:43 pm

@ Simple Man – I guess if it is approached open and honestly it could work. Family takes a LOT of different shapes these days. If you might be open for that, had you ever thought of bringing a third party into your marital bed?? Just wondering since we are trying to enlighten ourselves here?! LOL

and you wonder

March 9th, 2010
2:44 pm

why the aids thread was not brought up

I am whatever you say I am

March 9th, 2010
2:47 pm

I’m tired for a lot of reasons but sex is definately not one of them!!!
Actually, sex gives me that 2nd wind of energy!!!!

:-D

I am whatever you say I am

March 9th, 2010
2:48 pm

Meant to say I am never too tired for sex.
I’m sure you got that.

Dar

March 9th, 2010
2:49 pm

@OneOfEach. Well said. Although I do think that both mates have a say in the matter and that one or the other is entitled from time to time to be tired, ill or darn it just not in the mood. And no mate should beg for it, period. Not just that they should not have to, but also that they should not beg. We are talking about adults here and there is one sure way to turn me off — and that is to pressure me or beg (really?) for sex. If we are in sync then there is not going to be much need for either anyway. I do expect, however, that my mate will appreciate my feelings and needs as well and see when I am tired or stressed and not try to goad me into sex at that time. I mean, would it really be fun if I were not a truly willing participant?

My partner was in a long-term marriage where he got very little physical interaction from his wife and over the years I have thought to myself more than once how crappy that must have been because sometimes you can see that he absolutely aches to be held or touched and shown affection….sort of like when my dog, who came from an abusive situation, practically wants to sit in my lap (he is WAY too big). There is a lot you can do short of sex to fulfill the need for contact, like holding hands or cuddling or sleeping all wrapped up in one another. If one of you is ill, or heaven forbid has a condition that precludes sexual activity, there better be something else there to fill that void.

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
2:51 pm

@I am
I got it loud and clear baby

oneofeach4me

March 9th, 2010
2:55 pm

@Dar ~ Now if I am ill (sick) he doesn’t WANT sex! lol We both cannot be sick at the same time there are kids and dogs to take care of. And if I am going through something stressfull and emotional, I don’t have to tell him anything. He reads me and doesn’t advance. He knows when I am through with whatever is going on, we will be right back at it.

***

March 9th, 2010
2:57 pm

Wicked – what the hell was that all about???????

oneofeach4me

March 9th, 2010
2:58 pm

Oh and Dar you are right about the physical connecting. When someone truely loves you, their touch can mean so much.

Simple Man....

March 9th, 2010
3:01 pm

T

March 9th, 2010
2:43 pm

I have not thought of bringing a third into our bed, but would be lying if I said I would not consider it. I like to believe that I am open minded enough to listen to any suggestion my wife may have. Things were once so electric that anything was possible!! I believe that it is possible get back what time has taken away from us, and maybe opening the boundries would be the thing that changes I’m tired to lets ride!!!!

Jackal11726

March 9th, 2010
3:10 pm

SEX… I will make time for that wether I am tired or not. Sex is one thing I cannot live with out. My motto has always been if you donot take care of home, another man will….

oneofeach4me

March 9th, 2010
3:20 pm

Wow… impersonators should really take that s*!t somewhere else. If they don’t have anything to contribute to the discussion via PERSONAL experience then they shouldn’t bother?!?!

Jeff in Roswell

March 9th, 2010
3:20 pm

Was I the only one that was banned today? They are moderating my bad joke and I was cut off – so to speak… lol! I didn’t think I was that offensive compared to some of the others – who knows? Oh well, there is always a proxy.

Becky

March 9th, 2010
3:21 pm

No, I’m never to tired for sex..Maybe to sick or not in the mood..

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
3:26 pm

@Becky
What normally gets you in the mood?

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
3:27 pm

@Becky…I find a shot (or three) of crown tends to enhance a mood!

ZachsMom

March 9th, 2010
3:40 pm

@Tiger…totally agree!

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
3:43 pm

@Zachs mom….you LUSH!!!! ;-)

Rally One

March 9th, 2010
3:43 pm

I prefer wine… :)

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
3:52 pm

@ZachsMom…my wife discovered cosmos a couple weeks ago and I’ll admit I perfected the recipe…those work pretty well too!

Dar

March 9th, 2010
3:55 pm

LOL Tiger, plying her with booze. I quit drinking a couple of years ago, so that would not work for me. My turn on is penis — I guess you could put it in a glass if you wanted to make it fancy, but just plain is fine with me. :D

Single

March 9th, 2010
3:56 pm

If its meaningful sex, I don’t think I could be too tired. If its casual sex with some random bimbo, I’ll pass even if I’m energetic. The only “meaningful” sex I’ve had was with a girl that didn’t really give a rats behind about me so I guess that doesn’t really count either. Sigh

People are heartless and I struggle daily with the fact my future bride (if I’m lucky enough to find one) is probably out humping someone right now. FML

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
3:57 pm

@Dar..you literally just made me blush.

T

March 9th, 2010
4:04 pm

T

March 9th, 2010
4:07 pm

I think FAR too many men underestimate the toll hormones takes on us as we get older. I think most women don’t even recognize that’s what it is, but when we don’t feel sexy, we’re not in the mood. Sometimes, its just catching him watching me undress for the kazillionth time, or the kiss from behind when I’m watching dishes…that swat on the butt telling me to get ready, cuz soon as the kids go to bed it’s on! That hand on the small of my back as he leads me through the door as we leave the restaurant…that’s ALL foreplay!

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
4:07 pm

@Dar…on a more serious note…if you to ask @tiger from the 1:12 post…she would probably presume that plying my wife with booze is the only way I can get her to have sex with me in the first place…so that she could fake an O to shut me up!

Oh wait..I guess that wasn’t a serious note!

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
4:08 pm

Does anyone else slap their SO on the butt AFTER the act and say “good game”? I love that move!

T

March 9th, 2010
4:09 pm

@ Single – how was the sex meaningful if she didn’t give a rats behind about you?? (2 use your words)

oneofeach4me

March 9th, 2010
4:09 pm

@Dar ~ you took the words right out of my mouth! lol

T

March 9th, 2010
4:11 pm

I like it to be passionate! It doesn’t have take long, but passion is what keeps it exciting. And my motto is, “If you didn’t come to win, don’t suit up for the game!”…cuz I will talk aboutcha!

Simple Man....

March 9th, 2010
4:17 pm

I LIKE DAR!!!! :>

Ezra

March 9th, 2010
4:17 pm

We both work and we both are tired. I get sex rarely and my wife gets it less. Any suggestions?

Wayne

March 9th, 2010
4:19 pm

Okay, so I have to leave now. After all this talk about sex, I gotta get home to the wife…!

Becky

March 9th, 2010
4:19 pm

@BamBam..Sweetie, just being with the man that I love and have been with for 16 years..

@Tiger..Yep, that never hurts..No pun intended..

@ask tiger..Tiger is just as cute (and nice) as can be, so not sure why you would think any different.. After you take out all of the if’s, I’d have a meaningful one night stand with him in a New York minute..

Rally One

March 9th, 2010
4:19 pm

I think Single needs a happy pill…

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
4:21 pm

@Becky..now you just made me blush!!!!!

Dar

March 9th, 2010
4:32 pm

@Tiger. While I do not say “good game”, I do have a habit of slapping my partner on the backside at the end. He likes it. I saw on MANswers (OMG!) once that there is a real sexual link with that so I tried it, he likes it, I continue to do it cuz he likes it. I am a tactile person. Roaming hands and such.

I ignored @Tiger at the 1:12 posting because I get the impression you are a great guy who goes a long way to please his wife.

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
4:34 pm

@Dar…well thanks a bunch! and Ditto!

Manswers?!? Too funny!

For all the obvious means of building up a mood, it still shocks me how many people don’t realize the most errogenous zone of the body is between the ears…not the legs!

T

March 9th, 2010
4:34 pm

@ Ezra – sex relieves tension an frankly it gives me a boost of energy. You guys should talk about and recommitt to the passion in your relationship. Keep your mind open and PLEASE be open to suggestions and instructions.

Simple Man....

March 9th, 2010
4:37 pm

Dar

March 9th, 2010
4:32 pm

Its called “Ball jangaling” and you are correct, WE love it!!!!LOL

T

March 9th, 2010
4:38 pm

@ Simple Man & Bam Bam -Y are some men so turned off by taking instructions? I’m very tuned into my partner and make mental notes of when I physical and audible cues of stimulation, but I never understood why some men get so upset, if you say right here babe, or softer/harder, up/down or whatever. Women talk enough that I know that things that turns my girls on, doesn’t do it for me, so why would you think that there’s only one way to satisfy women. I MUCH prefer to be told…heck if I need to be .5 millimeters to the right to be exactly on your spot TELL ME…heck we wastn time and energy if you don’t!

Jeff

March 9th, 2010
4:38 pm

Just got back from a meeting. What yall been up to? OOOOOH! Nice!

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
4:41 pm

@T..I don’t think all men are like that. Some of us really want to hear what you want…as for me, I want my partner to be like the weather channel…constant updates!

T

March 9th, 2010
4:42 pm

@ Dar and Simple Man -never tried that AFTER the fact….thanks for the heads up! (no pun intended!)

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
4:44 pm

@T
That never turns me off. I always say sex is as much mental as physical and I am explorer so that is my aim to learn your body and I’m going there. I have never been a selfish lover so for me it is important. I am great at finding the spots on my own which really excites them, however if I’m cold then get me to the hot spots. What turns me off is when a woman says she never touches herself and my first thought is if you don’t wanna touch then why should I?

T

March 9th, 2010
4:44 pm

@ Tiger85M – LOL! I love IT! Heck, we could do play by play for as I’m concerned….hmmmm, I think you just gave me an idea for my next “theme”

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
4:47 pm

@T..probably can’t go wrong with a weather girl!

None

March 9th, 2010
4:47 pm

I get none…and like it! Not…

T

March 9th, 2010
4:47 pm

@ BamBam – If she doesn’t touch it how will she know what she wants? Self love is very healthy and important. Heck, I like for you to watch me, while I do….

Simple Man....

March 9th, 2010
4:50 pm

T

March 9th, 2010
4:38 pm

It most likely has to do with some guys not being completely secure in their ability to satisfy a woman. They view any instruction as some sort of declaration of “Thats not it!!!) A conversation when sex is not forthcoming might go a long way towards moving past that, but i gotta say, I am all the the open dialog! I am all about listening to what makes you feel good and getting that done. It takes a strong confident woman to give “in game instruction” and a really confident man to put them into play!!!

Becky

March 9th, 2010
4:51 pm

@Tiger..Sorry to make you blush..As for talking, boy do we talk..If I want something done, I just tell (ask) him and vice versa..With my ex, it was all about pleasing him..With my husband now, it’s all about pleasing both of us..Women should be open to trying (just) about anything..Like was alwys said about Mikey, try it, you’ll like it..

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
4:51 pm

Heard it here first

March 9th, 2010
4:52 pm

First off – if you’re tired, change your diet and excericse – its almost that simple.

Second, if you dont feel like having sex, you either dont do it right, or your spouse is gross to you. Sex thats good for both parties will never get old. So basically alot of you are unhappy with your life or aspects of it, or your weight so sex suffers. Not for me my friends. Excercise is a great stimulant for sex – try it sometime.

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
4:52 pm

@Becky….words to live by!

TechMom

March 9th, 2010
5:07 pm

I’ve told my husband many times, early on in marriage especially, that I won’t cease to love him if he gets fat, but I won’t be turned on by him (his parents are both severely obese). 13 years into our relationship, I’m 15 pounds heavier but still on the slender side (I was 17 & rail thin when we met) but I work out 3-4 days a week and consider myself a healthy weight. He’s 75 pounds heavier and has no motivation to lose weight. Though I don’t intentionally withhold sex, it no doubt has an impact on my level of interest.

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
5:09 pm

@TechMom
So what do you propose to do about that

T

March 9th, 2010
5:13 pm

@ Tech Mom – that’s very honest of you. And I am sure it is HARD for him, because you have been so honest with him about that. Has he thought about addressing whatever the mental issues are that causes the weight? Maybe see a pyschologist or join a support group and don’t even talk about a diet, then just start walking, say it’s for you…if you could just get him to see a little results it may be the spark he needs to get motivated. You know, sometimes we have to come at these men through the back door girl…and let them believe it was all their idea. Good luck to you and your marriage.

TechMom

March 9th, 2010
5:20 pm

Not sure quite honestly. Sex is not real high on my priority list; never really has been though I’m quite sure in the long run it will impact our relationship negatively. Right now it’s easy to use the excuse of being too busy with ‘life’ but in a few years when the boy graduates from HS and it’s just us, I’m sure all this neglect will come back to haunt our relationship.

TechMom

March 9th, 2010
5:31 pm

@T, been there, done that but at the moment, trying to do stuff with him isn’t an option. He works out of town Mon-Fri but 4 days a week he gets off work at 4 or 4:30 and does NOTHING. He has access to a gym and probably has gone a total of 5 times in the past year. He says he doesn’t like it (ha, neither do I but I still go!). He’ll go through times when he is motivated and drop 50 pounds but usually within a year or so, he’s gained it right back. He does come from a family with mental and food issues. He is on anti-depressants and goes to counseling, though not specifically about the way he eats or his weight. I’ve tried not to press the issue too much from a weight perspective since he’s had to take this out-of-town job but more from a ‘you’ll have more energy and be less stressed’ perspective but that hasn’t seemed to work.

Joyce

March 9th, 2010
5:44 pm

Too tired for sex?,…..Never. Good sex is relaxing. I think people are too tired for BAD ,MEDIOCRE,RUN OF THE MILL, AVERAGE, ORDINARY SEX My husband and I never had that problem. Something we enjoyed everyday.

Simple man...

March 9th, 2010
5:53 pm

Joyce

March 9th, 2010
5:44 pm

SHOWOFF!!!! LOL

BlondeHoney

March 9th, 2010
6:14 pm

DEFINITELY not too tired for sex…had some awesome sex at lunchtime while you guys were busy posting about it ;) With my ex, it was all about him, him, him which was not much fun at all but with my guy now, WOW can’t get enough he is amazing. It helps that there are no little kids at home (we can scream as loud as we want) and key is that we both love pleasing each other :)