Are you too tired for sex?

A new study from the National Sleep Foundation shows about one in every four Americans married or living with someone says they are often too tired to have sex.

The New York Times reports:

“The study, based on a random sampling of 1,007 adults ages 25 to 60, focused on differences in sleep habits among ethnic groups — but the responses on tiredness and sex were about the same across the board.”

The report found that Whites were most likely to have a diagnosis of insomnia. Black were most likely to have sleep apnea and Hispanics stayed awake worrying about work, money and relationships.

The Asian-Americans reported getting the best sleep. Interestingly they were less likely to watch TV or drink alcohol before going to bed and were less likely to share a bed with their mate.

So what’s your status: Are you too sleep deprived to have sex? How many hours of sleep are you getting a night? What time are you getting to bed? Are your pre-bedtime ritual conducive to sleep:? What do you make of these racial breakdowns in the sleep study?

Editor’s Note: Commenting has been turned off on this entry.

215 comments Add your comment

oneofeach4me

March 9th, 2010
2:36 pm

one poster said “Sometimes sex is for affection, love, and mutual satisfaction. But sometimes sex is just for a quick physical release of built up fluids” and I 100% agree. We have sex on average 3 times a week. Somtimes it’s emotional and deep, other times it’s quick and a tention releaser.

One thing though, I NEVER EVER tell him I am TOO tired even if I am. He helps with the house and is very active in the raising of our kids (4 & 8). If I were to tell that man I was too tired, that would be doing him a great injustice! What man wants to feel as if he has to beg for it? But you know, this is just my opinion and our relationship probably isn’t like everyone elses. He does his part as my “team mate” and we work well together.

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
2:37 pm

^5 oneofeach

T

March 9th, 2010
2:41 pm

@ Piso Mojado – You are right that one should keep themselves up (primarily for self) Who doesn’t want to look good to their partner, what women doesn’t enjoy feeling sexy, but attraction is relative. What is attractive to one, may not be to another. I have always been a full figured woman and I have Never had a problem attracting men. I’ve dated professional body builders, pro wrestlers and models. I’ve had physically fit men that say they like women with meat on thier bones…so go figure. I personally don’t date big men too much, I like’em tall and trim (the mechanics work well together) but Love has a way of coming in a package you would never expect. Keep living!

T

March 9th, 2010
2:43 pm

@ Simple Man – I guess if it is approached open and honestly it could work. Family takes a LOT of different shapes these days. If you might be open for that, had you ever thought of bringing a third party into your marital bed?? Just wondering since we are trying to enlighten ourselves here?! LOL

and you wonder

March 9th, 2010
2:44 pm

why the aids thread was not brought up

I am whatever you say I am

March 9th, 2010
2:47 pm

I’m tired for a lot of reasons but sex is definately not one of them!!!
Actually, sex gives me that 2nd wind of energy!!!!

:-D

I am whatever you say I am

March 9th, 2010
2:48 pm

Meant to say I am never too tired for sex.
I’m sure you got that.

Dar

March 9th, 2010
2:49 pm

@OneOfEach. Well said. Although I do think that both mates have a say in the matter and that one or the other is entitled from time to time to be tired, ill or darn it just not in the mood. And no mate should beg for it, period. Not just that they should not have to, but also that they should not beg. We are talking about adults here and there is one sure way to turn me off — and that is to pressure me or beg (really?) for sex. If we are in sync then there is not going to be much need for either anyway. I do expect, however, that my mate will appreciate my feelings and needs as well and see when I am tired or stressed and not try to goad me into sex at that time. I mean, would it really be fun if I were not a truly willing participant?

My partner was in a long-term marriage where he got very little physical interaction from his wife and over the years I have thought to myself more than once how crappy that must have been because sometimes you can see that he absolutely aches to be held or touched and shown affection….sort of like when my dog, who came from an abusive situation, practically wants to sit in my lap (he is WAY too big). There is a lot you can do short of sex to fulfill the need for contact, like holding hands or cuddling or sleeping all wrapped up in one another. If one of you is ill, or heaven forbid has a condition that precludes sexual activity, there better be something else there to fill that void.

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
2:51 pm

@I am
I got it loud and clear baby

oneofeach4me

March 9th, 2010
2:55 pm

@Dar ~ Now if I am ill (sick) he doesn’t WANT sex! lol We both cannot be sick at the same time there are kids and dogs to take care of. And if I am going through something stressfull and emotional, I don’t have to tell him anything. He reads me and doesn’t advance. He knows when I am through with whatever is going on, we will be right back at it.

***

March 9th, 2010
2:57 pm

Wicked – what the hell was that all about???????

oneofeach4me

March 9th, 2010
2:58 pm

Oh and Dar you are right about the physical connecting. When someone truely loves you, their touch can mean so much.

Simple Man....

March 9th, 2010
3:01 pm

T

March 9th, 2010
2:43 pm

I have not thought of bringing a third into our bed, but would be lying if I said I would not consider it. I like to believe that I am open minded enough to listen to any suggestion my wife may have. Things were once so electric that anything was possible!! I believe that it is possible get back what time has taken away from us, and maybe opening the boundries would be the thing that changes I’m tired to lets ride!!!!

Jackal11726

March 9th, 2010
3:10 pm

SEX… I will make time for that wether I am tired or not. Sex is one thing I cannot live with out. My motto has always been if you donot take care of home, another man will….

oneofeach4me

March 9th, 2010
3:20 pm

Wow… impersonators should really take that s*!t somewhere else. If they don’t have anything to contribute to the discussion via PERSONAL experience then they shouldn’t bother?!?!

Jeff in Roswell

March 9th, 2010
3:20 pm

Was I the only one that was banned today? They are moderating my bad joke and I was cut off – so to speak… lol! I didn’t think I was that offensive compared to some of the others – who knows? Oh well, there is always a proxy.

Becky

March 9th, 2010
3:21 pm

No, I’m never to tired for sex..Maybe to sick or not in the mood..

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
3:26 pm

@Becky
What normally gets you in the mood?

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
3:27 pm

@Becky…I find a shot (or three) of crown tends to enhance a mood!

ZachsMom

March 9th, 2010
3:40 pm

@Tiger…totally agree!

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
3:43 pm

@Zachs mom….you LUSH!!!! ;-)

Rally One

March 9th, 2010
3:43 pm

I prefer wine… :)

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
3:52 pm

@ZachsMom…my wife discovered cosmos a couple weeks ago and I’ll admit I perfected the recipe…those work pretty well too!

Dar

March 9th, 2010
3:55 pm

LOL Tiger, plying her with booze. I quit drinking a couple of years ago, so that would not work for me. My turn on is penis — I guess you could put it in a glass if you wanted to make it fancy, but just plain is fine with me. :D

Single

March 9th, 2010
3:56 pm

If its meaningful sex, I don’t think I could be too tired. If its casual sex with some random bimbo, I’ll pass even if I’m energetic. The only “meaningful” sex I’ve had was with a girl that didn’t really give a rats behind about me so I guess that doesn’t really count either. Sigh

People are heartless and I struggle daily with the fact my future bride (if I’m lucky enough to find one) is probably out humping someone right now. FML

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
3:57 pm

@Dar..you literally just made me blush.

T

March 9th, 2010
4:04 pm

T

March 9th, 2010
4:07 pm

I think FAR too many men underestimate the toll hormones takes on us as we get older. I think most women don’t even recognize that’s what it is, but when we don’t feel sexy, we’re not in the mood. Sometimes, its just catching him watching me undress for the kazillionth time, or the kiss from behind when I’m watching dishes…that swat on the butt telling me to get ready, cuz soon as the kids go to bed it’s on! That hand on the small of my back as he leads me through the door as we leave the restaurant…that’s ALL foreplay!

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
4:07 pm

@Dar…on a more serious note…if you to ask @tiger from the 1:12 post…she would probably presume that plying my wife with booze is the only way I can get her to have sex with me in the first place…so that she could fake an O to shut me up!

Oh wait..I guess that wasn’t a serious note!

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
4:08 pm

Does anyone else slap their SO on the butt AFTER the act and say “good game”? I love that move!

T

March 9th, 2010
4:09 pm

@ Single – how was the sex meaningful if she didn’t give a rats behind about you?? (2 use your words)

oneofeach4me

March 9th, 2010
4:09 pm

@Dar ~ you took the words right out of my mouth! lol

T

March 9th, 2010
4:11 pm

I like it to be passionate! It doesn’t have take long, but passion is what keeps it exciting. And my motto is, “If you didn’t come to win, don’t suit up for the game!”…cuz I will talk aboutcha!

Simple Man....

March 9th, 2010
4:17 pm

I LIKE DAR!!!! :>

Ezra

March 9th, 2010
4:17 pm

We both work and we both are tired. I get sex rarely and my wife gets it less. Any suggestions?

Wayne

March 9th, 2010
4:19 pm

Okay, so I have to leave now. After all this talk about sex, I gotta get home to the wife…!

Becky

March 9th, 2010
4:19 pm

@BamBam..Sweetie, just being with the man that I love and have been with for 16 years..

@Tiger..Yep, that never hurts..No pun intended..

@ask tiger..Tiger is just as cute (and nice) as can be, so not sure why you would think any different.. After you take out all of the if’s, I’d have a meaningful one night stand with him in a New York minute..

Rally One

March 9th, 2010
4:19 pm

I think Single needs a happy pill…

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
4:21 pm

@Becky..now you just made me blush!!!!!

Dar

March 9th, 2010
4:32 pm

@Tiger. While I do not say “good game”, I do have a habit of slapping my partner on the backside at the end. He likes it. I saw on MANswers (OMG!) once that there is a real sexual link with that so I tried it, he likes it, I continue to do it cuz he likes it. I am a tactile person. Roaming hands and such.

I ignored @Tiger at the 1:12 posting because I get the impression you are a great guy who goes a long way to please his wife.

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
4:34 pm

@Dar…well thanks a bunch! and Ditto!

Manswers?!? Too funny!

For all the obvious means of building up a mood, it still shocks me how many people don’t realize the most errogenous zone of the body is between the ears…not the legs!

T

March 9th, 2010
4:34 pm

@ Ezra – sex relieves tension an frankly it gives me a boost of energy. You guys should talk about and recommitt to the passion in your relationship. Keep your mind open and PLEASE be open to suggestions and instructions.

Simple Man....

March 9th, 2010
4:37 pm

Dar

March 9th, 2010
4:32 pm

Its called “Ball jangaling” and you are correct, WE love it!!!!LOL

T

March 9th, 2010
4:38 pm

@ Simple Man & Bam Bam -Y are some men so turned off by taking instructions? I’m very tuned into my partner and make mental notes of when I physical and audible cues of stimulation, but I never understood why some men get so upset, if you say right here babe, or softer/harder, up/down or whatever. Women talk enough that I know that things that turns my girls on, doesn’t do it for me, so why would you think that there’s only one way to satisfy women. I MUCH prefer to be told…heck if I need to be .5 millimeters to the right to be exactly on your spot TELL ME…heck we wastn time and energy if you don’t!

Jeff

March 9th, 2010
4:38 pm

Just got back from a meeting. What yall been up to? OOOOOH! Nice!

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
4:41 pm

@T..I don’t think all men are like that. Some of us really want to hear what you want…as for me, I want my partner to be like the weather channel…constant updates!

T

March 9th, 2010
4:42 pm

@ Dar and Simple Man -never tried that AFTER the fact….thanks for the heads up! (no pun intended!)

BamBam

March 9th, 2010
4:44 pm

@T
That never turns me off. I always say sex is as much mental as physical and I am explorer so that is my aim to learn your body and I’m going there. I have never been a selfish lover so for me it is important. I am great at finding the spots on my own which really excites them, however if I’m cold then get me to the hot spots. What turns me off is when a woman says she never touches herself and my first thought is if you don’t wanna touch then why should I?

T

March 9th, 2010
4:44 pm

@ Tiger85M – LOL! I love IT! Heck, we could do play by play for as I’m concerned….hmmmm, I think you just gave me an idea for my next “theme”

Tiger Ochocinco Mellencamp

March 9th, 2010
4:47 pm

@T..probably can’t go wrong with a weather girl!