Are you too tired for sex?

A new study from the National Sleep Foundation shows about one in every four Americans married or living with someone says they are often too tired to have sex.

The New York Times reports:

“The study, based on a random sampling of 1,007 adults ages 25 to 60, focused on differences in sleep habits among ethnic groups — but the responses on tiredness and sex were about the same across the board.”

The report found that Whites were most likely to have a diagnosis of insomnia. Black were most likely to have sleep apnea and Hispanics stayed awake worrying about work, money and relationships.

The Asian-Americans reported getting the best sleep. Interestingly they were less likely to watch TV or drink alcohol before going to bed and were less likely to share a bed with their mate.

So what’s your status: Are you too sleep deprived to have sex? How many hours of sleep are you getting a night? What time are you getting to bed? Are your pre-bedtime ritual conducive to sleep:? What do you make of these racial breakdowns in the sleep study?

Editor’s Note: Commenting has been turned off on this entry.

215 comments Add your comment

motherjanegoose

March 9th, 2010
7:16 am

HAHAHA…I m always tired and never get enough sleep. Or should I say I never get enough quality sleep, as i typically wake up every 2-4 hours and I have tried every pill out there…nothing helps.
I am outta here today….y’all have fun!

jan

March 9th, 2010
7:48 am

Same here. Never sleep long enough at any one time to get the necessary rest. Up at least 2 times per night and watching the clock at other times. Too much going on to settle down prior to going to bed. Family responsibities sometimes are overwhelming. I am the parent to my parent and that’s a hard job.

Jeff

March 9th, 2010
7:50 am

To stick to the point of your headline: NO. LOL. Everything is the priority you make it.

Jeff

March 9th, 2010
7:52 am

On second thought, maybe I misunderstood the point, TWG. Is this another in the long line of “why men cheat”? Hello, hello, anyone?

Jane

March 9th, 2010
8:07 am

Sex? After being married, working, cleaning the house, taking care of the kids? Sex?

Photius

March 9th, 2010
8:12 am

Sometime, we are both too tired. Let’s see what queen bee says, Mother Jane Goose.

jan

March 9th, 2010
8:13 am

In other words w/o sleep, no sex. Life’s demands get in the way. So Jeff, if the man or woman cheats just because they aren’t getting sex then they are a very selfish person.

Van Jones

March 9th, 2010
8:13 am

I am DIGGING your topics lately!!!

Andrea

March 9th, 2010
8:15 am

No, I am not too tired to have sex. It’s all in the planning. Sure you can get burned out with the requirements of just completing each day’s tasks. But, the bigger effort should be put into your significant other and not into the day to day tasks. There are enough “home help” things out there to keep you organized and help you run your home smoothly. Being too tired for sex is not a plausible excuse (not everyday).

Yes, I get enough sleep now. I had to just scale back. Say no to some volunteer efforts, some church activities, some school activities and put that time and effort into my home and family. Just for the record – I work full time with two children so I am not just talking the talk, I am walking it as well.

Raqi

March 9th, 2010
8:23 am

Yeah, sometimes I am quite exhausted and sex gets put off. But we always get back to it. Even if it has to be in the morning.

I have a husband, a 9 month old and a 15 year old at home so my hours get plenty used up. I get about 5 hours of mostly sleep on most days. Saturday mornings are when I get to sleep in. It’s an agreement that my husband and I have since he leaves for work later than I do during the week. On Saturday mornings he gets to sleep until the baby is awake and he has to get up change and feed her. I on the other hand get to sleep.

But sex? We always find time for sex. Even if we have to meet for a long lunch one day during the week.

RJ

March 9th, 2010
8:27 am

Had you asked me this question a few years ago I would’ve said YES!!! Now, the kids are a little older and don’t need so much of my time. Now I can exercise and get my bath without constant interruptions (most of the time!). I’m also out by 9:30, compared to 11:30 a few years ago. Changing schools has helped as well. I was miserable at my job and that caused a lot of stress. Our sex life is much better because I am less stressed. He’s helping around the house more, so I’m not as tired and our sex life is a lot more like it was before the kids.

New Stepmom

March 9th, 2010
8:31 am

I agree with Jeff, this can be why men cheat-selfish or not. The hubs and I make time for each other and that leads to hanky panky. Just being able to enjoy his company at dinner is quite the aphrodisiac. I know when our little guy gets here, things will change a bit, but we will make each other a priority.

Dave

March 9th, 2010
8:36 am

My wife and I are avid smokers. We decided to try to quit and only smoke after sex.

I quit cold turkey.

My wife is up to 2 packs a day!

Jeff

March 9th, 2010
8:41 am

You all may have realized by now that I like to instigate a little bit. It’s kinda like creating my own entertainment.

In my relationships, I make it a priority to do things around the house for multiple reasons. My father did, so I am usd to a man helping. My helping with dishes, laundry, etc helps me feel like it’s my house equally when I’m finished. When I help around the house, she has more energy and motivation for me, is more understanding of things I want to do (outside of the bedroom in this case) and, quite honestly, has fewer mood swings, etc. It’s a win-win. But I realize that everyone’s situation isn’t like that. But be warned; when my priority list is ignored for too long, my motivation to contribute to the “partnership” is going to start to diminish. It’s just human nature.

Waittilnextyear

March 9th, 2010
8:44 am

My wife’s been too tired for sex for twenty years.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

March 9th, 2010
8:49 am

RJ — I’m with you — We’re getting more sleep now that baby is 3 —- By the way Lilina had a birthday on Sunday — she and her father share a birthday — he turned 40!!! and she turned 3!!! Princess Party this coming Saturday for her!! But back to the point — sex definitely increasing as the children get older.

Jeff — why do men cheat???????

jan

March 9th, 2010
8:51 am

I agree with you Jeff. There is nothing sexier than to come home after a hard day or in my case dealing with my dad and having some of the housework done. You better believe I am in a mood to please and thank him. I have a great husband who knows what I need in the every room in our home. He helps and I am very appreciative in any way I can be. :)

Ninga

March 9th, 2010
8:54 am

I am often too tired for sex, but I take a few minutes for myself to get ready for my husband. We make it a priority, tired or not. When our sex life is going well, the rest of our lives fall in. When we aren’t having sex enough, that tension comes out in other areas. Having sex a lot keeps mommy and daddy both happy.

QRS

March 9th, 2010
8:58 am

At night? yes. After 8 years of marriage and 15 together, we only have sex two or three times a week now. Maybe I’m just getting older. I prefer to have sex in the mornings or right when I come home from work. By 10PM, I’m not interested.

I would probably be more interested in going back to daily sex if it weren’t for the responsibility part. I mean, if sex was just penetration, get it done and go on, I’d still do it everyday. Maybe more. But sex means that both of us have to acheive a climax, therefore, it might be a 30 minute activity. I haven’t had a “quickie” in many years.

Tiffany C

March 9th, 2010
8:59 am

This topic is funny, always want to have intercourse. To be honest I would tell him I would give him some, but by the end of the night I’m to tired to perform (I work and go to school full time), and tell him so and he becomes upset. I tell him we shouldn’t be having sex and we are not married anyway, but if you want to act like I owe you sex you won’t get no more! It’s weird because I be wanting to, I just be so drained by the end of the day and other days I just don’t fell up to it.

Michelle

March 9th, 2010
9:05 am

Jeff, I think you hit the nail on the head for most women! When the man actively participates in the whole activities of life (house, cleaning, kids, laundry, etc.), this takes a little bit off of the woman allowing her time to relax too!

I like what QRS says too, it’s not just about the “act” for most women. A majority of the time, that is not at all what women are looking for!

sigma6

March 9th, 2010
9:05 am

Ninja I have to agree with u 100% When the sex is good and frequent enough everything else falls in line but when its a dry spell the tension definitely shows up in other areas!

Jeff

March 9th, 2010
9:05 am

LOL. TWG, I have no idea. The last time I cheated was when I was 23 and dating and we were pretty much over with. I’ll be 40 in 2 months. It’s just not my thing. I’ve always looked at it this way: If a woman knows I’m in a relationship and wants to sleep with me anyway, she’s not really someone I want to sleep with.

Men cheat for just as many different reasons as women. And yes, women cheat. Note I did not say ALL in either of those cases. I look at it this way; you know your partner’s priorities and they know yours (although yours tend to change with the latest fad, while mine have stayed the same from day one). Satisfying priorities is a two-way street.

QRS

March 9th, 2010
9:24 am

“I like what QRS says too, it’s not just about the “act” for most women. A majority of the time, that is not at all what women are looking for!”

Right. And most of the time I enjoy the fore play and the satisfaction of seeing my wife in extasy. But sometimes, I just need to get rid of this in a physical sense only and I don’t feel like taking 30 minutes to do it. Those times, its easier just to take care of it myself.

Sometimes sex is for affection, love, and mutual satisfaction. But sometimes sex is just for a quick physical release of built up fluids.

ozzy

March 9th, 2010
9:25 am

I sleep 9 hours on the average. After Sex or not, I close my eyes and fall asleep in less than 2 minutes and wake up only 1 time for potty. I then fall asleep again right way. Maybe it is an Asian-American thing, but sleeping is never a problem.

Sorry, ladies...

March 9th, 2010
9:27 am

…but in my experience the attitude “that if hubby helps around the house then I am much more inclined to give him sex” is not only laughable, but completely wrong to even think that way – you are using sex as a reward and a demand, and that is just not right.

In 27 years of marriage I have been more than equal in sharing “household domestic duties”. I washed and folded all my laundry and the kids (she does hers), I wash the dishes EVERY night (and unload the dishwasher) – she does pretty much all the cooking (except the grilling out); I vaccuum regularly (she does, too);, I wassh the windows; we both clean the bathrooms; I read and played with the kids and bathed them regularly when they were little (and I got up every Saturday morning when they were babies so she could sleep in (we both worked); I never left any article of clothing on the floor, and never left the seat “up”. Yet, when it came to sex, she was not interested, until the kids were in college.

Now that she is retired (I still work), I still do all the above things (sans the kids stuff), and she is more “willing” to participate. Vacations were always pretty good times for sex, so it really is, in my estimation, more of a “tired factor” than anything else. But to use the excuse that “he does not help around the house” is a crock and an excuse.

JATL

March 9th, 2010
9:35 am

YES! I am too tired for sex and my husband is too. We’re really trying to work on it, but we’re both exhausted. Now that I’m back to work full time AND my secondary from home job has kicked in crazily -and of course there are the two little wonders we love -we’re just TIRED! I look forward to one day feeling rested and aroused again…

itpdude

March 9th, 2010
9:38 am

I think a big point is being missed here. WHY are we tired? What are some of the habits many of us have acquired that has led to being tired? My bad habit that leads to being tired is falling off my nighttime routine. The routine SHOULD go like this: No tv after 10, hot tea and melatonin, reading, in bed by 11. Good diet (I quit fast food completely years ago) and exercise (this is difficult to keep up with but I try to take stairs and park further away to “work in” little bits of exercise into my daily life) help, but if you cut off the tv and start the process of bedtime an hour before you intend to sleep, you will feel better. But it takes discipline and I fall off that wagon ALL the time. . . . and pay for it by being freakin’ tired.

FCM

March 9th, 2010
9:40 am

Too tired for sex? He%% No. I am not a one nighter kind of person. I am not married. I am not currently in a “relationship”. Therefore what I am is undersexed. I believe in a good healthy (read active) sex life…it keeps stress down, fights insomnia, burns 370 calories a “pop”, boosts the esteem, there are SO many benefits. In fact it is one of the things I miss most about not being in a Monogamous relationship.

Big Mike

March 9th, 2010
9:44 am

It’s Tuesday morning and I am wide awake. Any of you mom’s free today? PS.. I have a van.

BJ

March 9th, 2010
9:53 am

Why does every bride smile when she walks down the aisle? B/C she’s knows she’s given her last BJ. Ha!

Jeff in Roswell

March 9th, 2010
9:54 am

Yes, we are to tired for sex. Lately, it’s been 1-3 times a month. She works more than full time and getting her MBA at the same time. I take care of life’s other responsibilities and work when I can. Right now it’s not easy – but it will pass with time. She’s gone this week on a business trip and hopefully we can have some bow chika wow wow when she gets home this weekend.

Jose

March 9th, 2010
9:55 am

SEX! I dont need no stinking sex!

Ron Jeremy

March 9th, 2010
9:56 am

Yeah right. A business trip. She’s banging her other man.

Jeff in Roswell

March 9th, 2010
9:57 am

Who is the moron in here today?

Jose

March 9th, 2010
9:57 am

I read that women have an average of 7 affairs in each marriage while men have only 3. We are getting screwed again and not being kissed.

Jose

March 9th, 2010
9:58 am

I like this Pam!

Jeff

March 9th, 2010
10:00 am

This is kinda getting like the blog across the page. That’s not a good thing.

senoia dawgs

March 9th, 2010
10:01 am

If I had a nickel for every time I have heard I am too tired or have a headache I would be a multi-millionaire. I also agree the helping around the house is a crock. When both work and the male does the majority of the housework then that excuse of helping out goes out the door. No I don’t get enough but it is always a priority to me that never gets met.

THWG

March 9th, 2010
10:04 am

Why is everyone airing their private life in public? Don’t you folks have any shame?

Robin

March 9th, 2010
10:04 am

Exhaustion + no opportunity = no sex

Yep, we are tired, but our biggest obstacle (sp) to having sex, is our child who sleeps with us. Can’t get her to sleep in her bed. Really kills the desire with a 5 year old in the middle of the bed!

Troll Killer

March 9th, 2010
10:04 am

if you ignore the trolls eventually they go away…do not feed them!

KDFatlanta

March 9th, 2010
10:13 am

Dave? Now, now, Dave? All I can do is laugh!

Rectal Bleeding

March 9th, 2010
10:13 am

It’s in the bible and I can’t express it?

m

March 9th, 2010
10:13 am

33, mother of 2 kids under 5, married for almost 9 years. the baby is still a baby-baby…she is only 15mos. the older kid is a blessing…goes to bed on her own, can sleep through a hurricane, and is potty-trained even at night.

i don’t get hardly any sleep, or good sleep i should say. anywhere from 3-5 hours, doesn’t matter if it’s weekday or weekend. i go to bed late because i can’t seem to actually fall asleep and stay asleep if it’s before 11pm. if i go to bed early, i will most definitely be awake by 1:30 or so and then i have issues with falling back asleep. baby is up anywhere from 2-6:30, and there could be a couple times in that range too. (cutting molars and canines right now, unpleasant) older kid has to be in school by 8 and i have to be at work by 9.

it’s my fault. obviously, right? no seriously…i am the type of person that insists on not wanting help…until i’ve taken on way too much and are overwhelmed, then it pains me to actually admit that i should’ve asked for help earlier, or that i should ask now and i still won’t do it until it’s just way way way too much and my relationship suffers because of it. and sex? sex is directly linked to all of that. 2-3x a week??? i’m good with that many times a month but unfortunately my husband is not.

KDFatlanta

March 9th, 2010
10:15 am

Many years ago when I was a child, I remember my Uncle James had a cap that read, “Sex is a misdemeanor. The more I miss, de meaner I get!” Took me YEARS to understand that!

LeeH1

March 9th, 2010
10:16 am

You can always find time wasters and things to do and things other people demand of you to do to keep you from sleeping. But if you don’t put any priority on your marriage, there are always other singles out there who will.

Snuggling and sex are part of the glue of marriage. Throw some solvent on it, and the marriage can come undone. You are in charge. If the kids make demands on you that keep you from paying attention to your spouse, smile and say “No.”

Get enough rest, tomorrow will take care of itself. And if all the chores ain’t done, then they need to be re-ordered, and your family needs to be re-trained. The kids need a parent, not a martyr. Your spouse needs a partner, not a wipe rag for the children. Turn off the TV and computer after 8:00pm, and you’ll find there’s all sorts of time left over.

Jeff

March 9th, 2010
10:19 am

@m. I’m curious, how long did you raise the issue of having kids before you got pregnant? My reason for asking is this: some women will want —- added to their life, then they want —- added to their life, then —–, then —-. Next thing you know, you’ve got all these things you said you wanted and now you’re too tired for our things.

just sayin

March 9th, 2010
10:19 am

women I have seen it time and time again… if you are not giving it up at home… they will go some where else

Jeff

March 9th, 2010
10:21 am

Or, you could get off this blog everyday, go take a nap instead of typing and improve your relationship.