Do you try for one more just to get a girl (or boy)?
One of our community members sent me a note this week. She’s in a quandary and wanted to get some opinions. She’s pregnant with her second child and is already thinking about a third. Here’s why in her own words:
“ I’m expecting my second child in May. Another boy.
My husband and I always said we would just have 2 children and be happy that they are healthy.
BUT, I’m finding myself overwhelmed with a desire to have a girl. Not that I’m delusional and think that having another child will get me a female, but I’m surprised at how much I want to try.
I’m also feeling pretty guilty about it and trying to be excited about my two boys. I’ve heard 3-4 is so much harder than 2.
Should we stop because we agreed on two in the beginning? We can afford it and my husband would probably do it if I said I wanted to try again.
Is it worth it? Why do I feel like our family is not complete until we get that girl?
I’ll admit how selfish this sounds and I’m sure some of your bloggers will blast me for it.
I’m hoping that the rest might give me some perspective. I’m thrilled to have two healthy children, I just wonder if we should try again.”
I’m fascinated by this question because it’s not about feeling done and wanting a larger family. It’s about wanting a certain sex that you haven’t had yet. You see families all the time with four or five boys and then finally a little girl.
I definitely did not feel done after my second but I also had a boy and girl. So my feeling was more about wanting more kids not a certain sex.
What have you guys experienced? Would you have more kids just to get the sex of a child you desire? Did you have any issues with the other kids knowing you were trying for the opposite sex? Is it just as valid to want a boy or a girl as it is to want more kids in general? What is your advice for this mom? Is it worth going for a third to get a baby girl? Do you think her pregnancy hormones are playing with her head or will she feel the same after she gives birth to her second?
I posted last night a blog linking to a Q&A on crib safety. If you have questions about the massive crib recall please check out the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s Q&A about crib safety. They have photos to help explain the problems with the cribs and the new requirements for cribs.
P.S. My little guy has a high fever so I’ll be in and out on the conversation today while I take care of him.
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130 comments Add your comment
motherjanegoose
February 19th, 2010
6:19 am
One of each for me and TOO old to even this about another…y’all have fun today!
motherjanegoose
February 19th, 2010
6:20 am
“think” ‘too early for me too! There was this thing called a basal thermometer…do folks still use one?
justmy2cents
February 19th, 2010
6:36 am
Oh helllllllllllllllll no. LOL I have two girls, NEVER wanted a boy. Heck even these 2 were unexpected (thanks Mom!). Think of it like this…..my dad wanted ONE boy….SIX girls later he finally gave up. Unless you use genetic engineering (sort the swimmers out), it is all luck of the draw! Two are plenty, as in plenty expensive and plenty time consuming!
iRun
February 19th, 2010
6:53 am
I have one child, a boy. I always intended to have 2 or 3. My husband, originally, was sort of opinionless about the number. His only opinion was “Not Yet”.
That was 9 years ago, while we were both still in school (why did we get married in college? can someone tell me what the hurry was? not sex, lol!).
Fast forward 3.5 years and lo-and-behold, I got Knocked Up! And we were still in school (graduate school by then).
So we had a boy. And we still had lots of school and no money ahead of us. So, we were in agreement that a second child would have to wait until we both were out of school and had jobs.
But that milestone was reached nearly 4 years ago. And my husband has repeatedly said he’s fine with just one child.
And now that I am 35, I just don’t think I want to be pregnant and “of advanced maternal age” with it’s higher risks (I know they’re still low even though they’re higher than the first time round).
Not only that, but it’s been 9 years. My kid makes his own lunch, his own breakfast, gets himself in the shower without being asked, doesn’t put strange things that might choke him in his mouth. He’s fun to talk to and hang out with.
And I’ve moved far away from a woman who’s put aside independence and other things to care for a baby. I’m now the mother of a 9 year old. I can leave him the house alone while I go for a 30 minute jog in the neighborhood. I am now able to have a career that involves international travel (as I write this I am in Angola until the end of the month).
And everything I just wrote applies, in some form or another, to my husband.
So, for us, no more kids. Maybe we’ll change our minds. But if we do, the baby-making kiosk is permantly closed. I’m not getting Knocked Up again. We’ll adopt.
But I don’t know if we’ll change our minds. Afterall, when our son is 20, we’ll be in our mid-40s. Still in our prime yet with a somewhat grown child we can enjoy it with. I’m kinda digging that.
Jane
February 19th, 2010
7:10 am
If she goes for that third child – and it’s another boy, the disappointment she’s going to have “in him,” just isn’t right.
You don’t have children just because you want this or that. You have a child (either sex) to love to help nurture.
Don’t do it.
catlady
February 19th, 2010
7:11 am
I think it is very sad that she is still pregnant with number 2 and seems to reject him in favor of a CHANCE to have a girl. What if it were another boy? Try again? Abort? I think this lady truly needs to see a counselor to come to terms with this second “disappointment” baby. JMHO.
A
February 19th, 2010
7:17 am
There are few certainties in life, and like other posters have said if this lady has a 3rd boy, who knows how it will affect her emotionally. I never understood why so many people are obsessed with having “one of each.” With so many fertility issues these days, why not just be thankful for the child or children you have regardless of their gender?
Ali
February 19th, 2010
7:28 am
This topic is a sore spot with me. I think that anyone who only wants one of each and thinks that is the only thing that will make them happy are selfish and slightly nuts. Are they collecting children and will only have a complete collection when they have at least one of each? And if they really, really want a girl (or a boy, whatever the case) they need to take a hard look at those reasons and resolve those issues before inflicting them on an innocent child. Your little girl may end up not liking dolls and dresses, and your little boy may end up not having children and not carry on your family name anyway (or whatever the reason). As for selfish…
I have two of the same gender (it doesn’t matter which), and am very happy with that. I used to be like everyone else and thought that having a girl and a boy would be perfect. But when I found out the gender of my second, I started talking to people (only the truly honest ones, not the ones who think life is good even if they have 3 eyeballs. Okay, maybe they’re honest also, but you know what I mean).and asking them how it was with their kids. It was overwhelming: the ones with kids of the same gender said that their kids were great friends and got along well and their house was the place to come play, while the people with boys and girls said that theirs never hung out with each other (past toddlerhood) and their kids are always asking to go to someone elses house to play. Granted there are exceptions, but I will concur and say that mine play great together and although they have different interests (i.e. one is more into building and the other likes art), they are always able to find something that they both like. My one friend, who has four boys and always wanted a girl to share her love of dolls with, is now very happy with the way things have turned out because she sees how well her boys bonded. She realizes that she can collect dolls on her own or do girly things with her friends; she is not limited by her children’s gender.
Oh, and there’s always the story of the family who had 3 boys and wanted to try “just one more time” for a girl. They ended up getting pregnant with triplets. All boys. So then they had 6 boys under the age of 7. True story.
Jeff
February 19th, 2010
7:31 am
Wow, Jane, Catlady, A……..thank you for verbalizing my thoughts exactly.
Don’t do it. Your motivations are wrong.
mom3boys
February 19th, 2010
7:32 am
I believe this is a topic I have some expertise in. When I found out I was pregnant w/ boy #2, I was so sad. I just knew it would be a girl…and I was sad for several days…until I found out a friend had a stillborn child. I was sulking about a healthy child and her baby had died. Low and behold #2 shows up, totally different than #1…to this day (they are 22 and 20) the only similarity is the gender. Several years later the hubs and I decided our fam wasn’t finished, and we’d have a 3rd. We bought the book by Dr. Shettles on gender selection…followed it to the letter. Brought the other two for the ultrasound. Number 3 was so clearly a boy, the hubs called it before the tech. I was devastated. I sobbed and sobbed. I grieved the loss of having the mother/daughter relationship. Everyone gave me trite advice like “he’ll probably be something really special.” BAH!! Who wants to hear that???? When he got here he was a horrible sleeper, and then turned into a monster of a toddler. One day he woke up and he was good. Has been good ever since. Know what else? He IS wonderful and special. Has the most amazing heart, is sensitive, caring, etc…No one loves the mama like a son. It’s an awesome, overwhelming love. I am truly blessed. When people asked me, “Are you going to try again?” I had to be snarky and say, “Try implies I failed. Are you saying I failed?” While I don’t have a daughter, I have three of the most amazing boys walking around this planet. While I think many women crave that mom/daughter relationship, the fact is we don’t all get it.I have plenty of friends who have daughters who think they are stupid idiots and won’t realize how smart mom is for several more years. Boys aren’t like that…it’s all good. I don’t think they will “leave me” one day, as we are very close. Recently #1 brought the “special girl” by for my approval. She is indeed a lucky girl to get my son.
While I always thought I”d be a girl scout cookie mom, life isn’t always what we plan…and I am thankful for that. I wouldn’t trade a second of cub scouts, baseball games, tennis matches, swim meets, band concerts. It’s been great having these three young men grow up under my watch; only regret is that the time went too fast.
Jeff
February 19th, 2010
7:33 am
Now that you mention it, I had a relative that had twin girls, then a single girld and dad wanted to try for a boy. You guessed it, twin girls again. Five girls (plus the mom) in the house. Poor guy.
motherjanegoose
February 19th, 2010
7:36 am
For the record, I did want one of each and that is what I got. For a while, we thought we were having another boy and I was absolutely fine with that as the two brothers would be able to play together on more levels. We ended up with a sister.
Same sex siblings may tend to be closer. I have 2 sisters ( no brothers) and am close to the youngest but not so much the middle sister.
As you know…I love my children dearly and am proud of the MOST of the time…..LOL!
Welcoming a new little person into the world is an awesome an humbling experience.
Lisa
February 19th, 2010
7:54 am
This “community member” (as Theresa put it) isn’t interested in hearing our thoughts and opinions. She only wants to read the affirmation that she’s doing the right thing.
She admits how selfish it sounds and knows that some of the bloggers will blast her for it and is hoping “the rest” will give her some perspective.
In other words – those people against it are not the ones who will give her perspective – only those who support her decision will.
Theresa, you’ve been used and duped.
Jeff
February 19th, 2010
7:58 am
@ Lisa, I thought the same thing. Seems like she’s going to immediately ignore those that “bash” her. And by bash, she means point out the selfish nature and stupidity of her reasoning.
Momma
February 19th, 2010
8:02 am
Well, if she does have a third child – it will be feminine.
Either it’ll be a girl or if it’s a boy there’s a good chance it’ll be gay. Hold your horses and read this out: Statistically speaking, in a 3 child family where all 3 children are boys, the third child has a good probability of being gay. Don’t argue, it’s a fact. Don’t know why, maybe because by then the mother treats the child as her daughter, who knows. But – that third boy is quite often gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
February 19th, 2010
8:03 am
I’ve written back and forth a little with this mom and she definitely loves the son she has and the one she is pregnant with. She does appreciate them and is excited about them. She just has a nagging feeling about a girl.
pws
February 19th, 2010
8:05 am
Wow, this one really hits me, even though my baby girl will be 21 tomorrow. Her sister will be 25 in two weeks, and we are so thankful to have both of them. Our first child was still born, (also a girl), and I had 37 prenatal visits with the 25 year old, and 35 with the 21 year old. To quote my husband when our OB asked us if we wanted to know if the 21 year old was a boy or a girl, “I could care less what’s between it’s legs, you just tell me that it has all it’s parts, and they are working properly”. When the 21 year old was born, our OB looked over at me and said, “lets not do this anymore” because we were taking a chance of having one that all the parts didn’t work.
Today, we are so proud of them, and we thank the good Lord every night that He allowed us to have them. God gives them to you for a reason, and this woman needs to realize that He is giving her the privilidge to raise two boys. Who knows, she may be the mom of the next Billy Graham!
Oh, and a side note, my husband is the middle of three boys. His youngest brother has told his mom that he was the child they didn’t want, that they wanted a girl instead of him. And he is 45 years old!
Photius
February 19th, 2010
8:07 am
“I feel like our family is not complete until we get that girl”…. This is disgusting narcissism. It’s all about ME, baby! Be thankful for ten fingers and ten toes and a healthy baby you fool.
mom2alex&max
February 19th, 2010
8:10 am
This is such a close to home topic. I have two sons whom I love dearly, but as a lot of moms do, I really wanted a daughter too.
As it is, two is PLENTY for us in terms of money, time, energy, resources, etc. However at some point, I was really thinking about it. Then one of my best friends (who also had 2 boys) got pregnant for the 3rd time…with another boy. That did it for me and the factory is now closed in every sense of the word.
But I do still feel a twinge now and then. Most of the time, I don’t mind being the only girl in the household, but every so often it gets…i guess lonely is the word. In a world of cars, trucks, sports, bugs, and pants I long to scream “we are having a PINK TEA PARTY dang it!!”
I was talking to a dad at a school function recently who has 3 daughters. He feels the same way! Sometimes he just wants to throw ball!
I think we should be content with happy, healthy children.
Lady Strange
February 19th, 2010
8:15 am
If they really want a girl that badly, why not adopt a girl?
Andrea
February 19th, 2010
8:20 am
I am on the wrong side of this issue! My first was a son and when I found out I was pregnant with #2, I wanted another son. Never had any desire to have a girl. Lo and behold – I had a girl. Of course, now I regret my absolute narcissism (sp?). My daughter is such a delight! I love the mother/daughter stuff we do. I love the Barbies, playing dress up, and I now love doing her hair (after I took lessons to learn how to do it).
The lady that posed the question really should not try again. She knows her motives are wrong, she knows her thoughts are totally selfish. But I would bet my paycheck, she will give it one more try – what a sad state of affairs.
5!!!
February 19th, 2010
8:21 am
“Why do I feel like our family is not complete until we get that girl?”
Thats a question that should be answered. It may take years of therapy, but it needs to be answered for the sake of the family. If the mother is feeling incomplete, it can defintely take its subtle tolls on everyone else.
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
February 19th, 2010
8:22 am
My grandmother had 6 boys!!!! I think it was more because they were Catholic and weren’t using birth control than trying for a girl — but I’m sure she would have loved it if they had got one. Can you imagine six boys!!!!! I think when she got all her daughter-in-laws she got her girls — also we had a lot of girl grandbabies — which I think she loved that too.
Jane
February 19th, 2010
8:23 am
She says: “Why do I feel like our family is not complete until we get that girl?”
Wow, I’m sure your sons will appreciate that thought.
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
February 19th, 2010
8:24 am
In her defense — I definitely did not feel complete with two kids — we just didn’t happen to care about the sex — we knew we wanted another child. After the third I feel like my hands are full and I do full like we are where we are supposed to be. I have a friend thinking about afourth and that just seems unimaginable to me. but she was No. 4 in her family and what if her mom didn’t have her — by the way all four are girls!!!
gpkbsin
February 19th, 2010
8:24 am
so close to my heart. i have 2 boys… my sister (only sibling i have) has 2 boys. everybody around me has boys. we always wanted only girls and ended up with 2 boys. my husband didn’t even want to try for a second one because he knew we’d end up having another boy.
back to the topic… don’t want to have a 3rd child. i cannot be pregnant and taking care of little kids. i’m done. we’ve been thinking of adopting. somebody asked my husband yesterday if we’d adopt from haiti (i saw your post on that Theresa). we really NEED a girl to straighten all of us up. having said that, we love our boys. they are fun even though they are trouble. i would say that our family is complete even with two boys.. don’t need one kid of each sex to be complete.
Kathy
February 19th, 2010
8:24 am
@Momma……your comments are ignorant and disturbing.
Where did you find these facts and statistics? Do you have first hand knowledge of this? Where did you read these so-called facts? I would love to see them in writing (from credible sources). And what if the child is feminine or gay? Are you implying that there will be something wrong with him or that it would make her love him less because he would be different than her other boys? And why would the mother treat the child like a girl???
Suzy Q
February 19th, 2010
8:30 am
Something to remember if you are only blessed with boys, is that if you raise them well, you may have daughter-in-laws to love one day. You won’t be dressing them up in frilly dresses, but you may still know the joy of a mother-daugher relationship. Something to think about.
RJ
February 19th, 2010
8:30 am
I was so convinced that my first child was a girl that I never even picked out a boy name. We didn’t find out, but I was right! I must admit that initially I would’ve been disappointed to have a boy, but I surely would’ve gotten over it. When I got pregnant again, I wanted a boy. Got my wish yet again! I love having one of each, but if I’d had another girl, I think I may have considered trying for that boy a third time. I can’t say for sure though.
My uncle really wanted a boy. It took 4 kids, but he got his girl. My cousin wanted a girl. They had 3 and gave up! It never happened. I personally can’t imagine not wanting a girl. I love BEING a girl! It just seems natural to want a daughter. Love my son to death. We’re very close.
I think it’s completely natural to want a certain sex. I won’t say if she should or shouldn’t try. I’ll say that she should be more concerned with the health of her baby. That’s the number one concern. Everything else is just the cherry on top!
JJ
February 19th, 2010
8:32 am
I’m glad I only had one child. We are close, she’s wonderful, and we are both very happy.
Nadia74
February 19th, 2010
8:39 am
I think everyone is being harsh. She cannot help how she feels about this. Obviously, some of you are men. You have never been pregnant. She knows she sounds selfish, but she is not alone in her thoughts. Many women go through the same thing. I would go so far as to say that what she is feeling is completely NORMAL.
I had planned on having three children. After having two girls, I found myself hoping and hoping and hoping that the last one was a boy. I think that if I had a girl, that would not have changed my wanting three children. I never knew I cared so much about having a boy until I was pregnant. I wonder know, though, if my last had not been a boy, would I be experiencing those feelings of my family not being complete?
It is so easy to judge and look at thinks from a practical standpoint. This is not about logic or practicality. This is simply an emotional thing that a lot of women go through. I don’t know if men get that same “family complete/not complete” feeling that women get. Every single one of my friends with children has had that feeling, and for some of them, it definitely had something to do with the gender of their children.
So, to answer the questions, only you can decide if it is “worth it.” A lot of people say that will have X amount of children but change their minds. Do you want three children? Does your husband? How do you think you will feel if you have another boy? Jeff says, “Don’t do it. Your motivations are wrong.” He has a point. I think you really need to examine your motivations before you decide. Like I said, what if it is not a girl? What if you have a girl and she is not “girly” in any way? Will your family feel complete? Hard to know ahead of time…
Momma
February 19th, 2010
8:44 am
@Kathy – hold your vile and nasty comments. I was just stating fact. Secondly, you stated that I’m implying there’d be something wrong about a gay child – RE-READ MY POST, duh. I specifically said: “not that there’s anything wrong with that.” Get over yourself.
People get upset when you point out facts they don’t like. You’re the “ignorant” one, disputing facts just because you don’t like them. I’m not going to do your research for you – you disagree, you look it up. I was just pointing out a truth, but you can’t handle the truth!
Becky
February 19th, 2010
8:47 am
Wow..Does this story touch base with me..I have a nephew that has 4 girls with his girlfriend..They have a 7,5,3 and 3 days old..He wants to kep trying until they have a boy..He thinks that he needs a boy to pass on the name..BS..He can’t even stand to be around the ones that he has now for more than 2-3 hours..So I think your friend should be happy with what she has..
@!Run..I have a coworker that has one son that is 21 and one that is 4..She had the oldest when she was 17 and thought that was all..Then when he was about 7-8 they talked about having one more, didn’t happen..Then they went to Vegas for a tradeshow for work, bam came back and was pregnant..She has 2 boys and is very happy..
Greg
February 19th, 2010
8:49 am
kathy, obviously she’d treat the child like a girl because she wanted a girl.
HB
February 19th, 2010
9:00 am
Momma, you sounds a bit silly presenting a “fact” and then rather than backing it up with evidence telling the person who questions it “I’m not going to do the research for you.” If it’s truth, please just tell us where to look. I’d be interested to read more about the studies that show this.
I think people here are being hard on this mom. She feels how she feels. Longing for a daghter doesn’t mean she’ll look at her second son with disappointment. And once her son is born, she may find her desire to try for a girl diminishes. Or it may grow stronger. I think she should try not to think about it too much. After her son is born and she’s gotten past the exhausting first few months and feels more settled, she should see how she feels, see how her husband feels about having a third child, and really think about how she would feel about having a third son. I know a family of three boys where Mom wanted to try one more time for a girl but knew she’d be happy with a boy. She now has 5 sons–the last two are identical twins!
Michelle
February 19th, 2010
9:04 am
I would recommend that she wait until she’s done with the pregnancy and recovered. If she is purely focusing her thoughts on “having a girl” versus having another child, she could be setting herself up for emotional failure.
I think that God knows what we want, but he gives us what is best for us and what we can handle!
My husband has 2 boys from his first marriage and really wanted a girl when we got pregnant. I really didn’t care. I was happy either way. We had a boy. I could not be happier! I love him dearly and couldn’t imagine having a girl. I think I have enough emotional baggage that having a girl probably would not have been good for me, AND my husband would have probably coddled and spoiled her rotten ruining the mother/daughter relationship! :o)
I would say if you do try again, don’t be upset if you get another boy!
YUKI
February 19th, 2010
9:12 am
I get how this woman is feeling but I don’t think “keep trying until you get it” is the right way to go…unless you had always planned on having three to begin with. I have a boy, and we are thinking about trying for another one sometime in the somewhat near future. Of course I would like a girl, to dress up, play dolls with, etc…I would love a mother-daughter relationship like my mom and I have now. But, that being said, if I do have another one and it’s another boy I would just look at it like I’m meant to be a “boy” mom and enjoy the brother relationship. I used to think I would not know what to do with a boy but I absolutely LOVE having him, it’s so much fun. I would never “keep trying” for a girl…it’s just not THAT important to me. Having healthy children is way more important.
Jane
February 19th, 2010
9:19 am
What’s she going to do if the third child is a boy….have a fourth child?
What’s she going to do if the fourth child is a boy….have a fifth?
JATL
February 19th, 2010
9:22 am
I just don’t get this line of thinking. I agree with everyone else who wonders how she’ll feel about #3 if it’s a boy. I have a cousin who has 4 boys when she only wanted (and could honestly afford) two kids -all because she wanted a girl. The boys even know that she really wanted a girl, and I can’t help but wonder how that makes them feel. How about being happy with what you have? ESPECIALLY if what you have is happy, healthy and free of any type of disability -you are lucky!
I have two boys, and I always kind of wanted boys and felt like I might be a better “boy” mother, but I would have been delighted with a girl or two girls and all of the differences that would have brought with it. At the end of the day before we found out what we were having each time, my thoughts and prayers centered around, “I’m so happy I’m going to have you little one, and I hope you’ll be healthy and able to have a wonderful life.” That’s it -regardless of gender. This woman also needs to do some research into the studies showing how a mother feels regarding her pregnancy and the “vibes” she send out can have an effect on a baby. It may sound new-agey, but a lot of studies support it.
BlondeHoney
February 19th, 2010
9:27 am
I ended up with 2 of the most amazing boys on the planet & I never really cared if I had a boy and a girl, or 2 boys, or 2 girls. I would have liked to have one more but it wasn’t in the cards and like you Theresa, I didn’t have a burning desire for a girl. Actually, in retrospect it was a good thing I didn’t have any girls; I relate to boys better in general and find myself lacking patience with my friend’s little girls. Never was a girly girly, that’s probably why.
DB
February 19th, 2010
9:31 am
I’m reminded of some church friends: Two boys, 3 and 1. Mom desperately wanted a girl, gave it another shot. Ended up with triplets — three boys. So, at the end of the day, she had five boys under the age of 5. Sheesh.
I think the sun rises and sets on my son, but I have to admit, I was giddy with delight when the ultrasound showed a girl the second time around. There’s just . . . something. I can’t explain it. I understand what our cyberfriend is going through.
No blasting from here. I honestly don’t know what I would have done if the second had been a boy (probably saved a BOATLOAD of money not buying cute little dresses!) I’m not sure I would have signed up for 3, but who knows? A friend of mine has three boys and gave up trying to have a girl, and she and my daughter are close friends — she “borrows” my daughter for shopping trips and chick flicks, and it’s good for my daughter to have another female adult friend.
So, to our cyberfriend: I understand. You’re not crazy. ((((Hugs)))). If your husband will agree to a third, then consider it — but also think long and hard about how you will feel if the 3rd is a boy. I never heard that the 3rd one was “harder” — most people I know say that if you’ve weathered 2, then the 3rd one is a piece of cake, depending on their ages (and the proximity of a good pre-school!)
BlondeHoney
February 19th, 2010
9:32 am
One more thing…Yuki, what you said gave me a flash of insight on why I never cared if I had a girl or not. I never had that type of relationship with my mom that you did, i.e. dress up, play dolls, etc. so I think perhaps that’s why I never had a desire for a girl to do those things with.
JATL
February 19th, 2010
9:44 am
@Nadia74, I think there is a huge difference in HOPING that a baby is a boy or girl and then feeling really happy regardless and in getting pregnant solely to have a specific gender. I completely understand finding out you’re pregnant and thinking of “it” in terms of a specific gender or thinking, “Wow, a girl or a boy would be really nice.” I just think it’s a problem when you start getting pregnant just to have one or the other.
DB
February 19th, 2010
9:45 am
One last comment: I remember when my mother was pregnant back in the 60’s. I was an only child, about 12, and we were sitting on the front steps enjoying the late spring weather. I asked my mom if she wanted a boy or a girl, and was shocked when she casually said, “Oh, I hope it’s a boy — I think your Dad has always wanted a son.” I can tell you right now, 40 years later, that I still remember the shock of suddenly not feeling “good enough” and suddenly feeling that my adored Dad had only been hanging out with me until something “better” came along. I had wanted a sister (not that I had any choice!) but I was devastated when I found out that it was a boy – Cried all night. Now, is any of this real or logical? Of course not — my parents both adore me. But there’s no dealing with a child’s logic, but the jealousy and hurt contributed quite a bit to the resentment I felt in my brother’s early years.
So, I’m just saying — if any of you ever find yourself going for a different sex child, for heaven’s sake, do NOT TELL the children you have that you want the opposite sex!! I can’t even begin to describe the way my world crashed when my mom said that.
5!!!
February 19th, 2010
9:58 am
Momma is partially correct. There is research to show that a third child (if mmale) is more likely to be gay than a second. And further, a 4th is more likely than a 3rd, and so on.
However, “more likely” is not the same thing as definetely as was inferred by me with the matter of fact way she put it.
Hold on and I will find the study.
5!!!
February 19th, 2010
10:03 am
Here is a link to an article about the study. Both Momma and I were not exactly right. Its actually that the more elder BROTHERS you have the more likely you are to be gay.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article679681.ece
It makes sense to me.
Hey, Jane...
February 19th, 2010
10:22 am
…if her 4th attempt is another boy, she definitely needs a 5th…of Jack Daniels!!!!!
New Stepmom
February 19th, 2010
10:39 am
I will say that I would love to have a girl if we are blessed with a second/third (my second/hubs third) child, but right now I am over the moon with my boy that is coming in May. I have told my husband that I would love a chance at a girl, but if it does not happen, no biggie!
I can see where your friend is coming from and that she would be happy with any third child but there is a part of her that wants a girl.
I think this issue is sort of like the Duggars. I think they are crazy, but it is none of my business. I think people that keep trying are a little nuts too, but it is none of my business….
MomsRule
February 19th, 2010
10:48 am
I don’t think there is anything wrong, strange or selfish about what this woman is feeling. I believe most Moms and Dads, if they are being honest, can admit that they did have an initial preference about the gender of their child, even if only for a moment. Many parents chose to “try” again hoping for a specific gender. It doesn’t mean the child they receive is loved any less or found to be a disappointment.
I “wanted” a girl both times I became pregnant. I was a tad disappointed when the ultrasounds indicated I was not having a girl. I quickly got over it though as the most important thing to me was having healthy babies. (My first child was planned but my second child was a surprise discovered after we had made the decision not to expand our family and we were pursuing surgical options to prevent additional pregnancies.)
Now, almost 14 years after number one came along, I wouldn’t change a thing. I adore my sons. Our family is complete. (And, I have grown to love being the only female in the house. LOL)
I look forward to the day that I have DILs and maybe someday we will be blessed with a granddaughter. But, if not, grandsons will be fine with me too. Each child, regardless of gender brings their own unique qualities into the world.
That is not to say that I wouldn’t have loved having a daughter. I certainly would have and there have been times that I’ve longed to do the girly things. It doesn’t change the fact that my boys have brought me unique perspectives I certainly would have missed had they been girls.
Deciding to expand while pregnant is probably not the right time to make such a decision though. There are just too many hormones at work!
AZ mom
February 19th, 2010
11:15 am
I’m with Lady Strange – if she’s wants a girl, there are plenty of children in the Foster care system that she could adopt. We never worried about the sex of the baby, as long as they were happy and healthy that’s all we cared about.
motherjanegoose
February 19th, 2010
11:17 am
@momsrule….did you read my comment about B of A on yesterday’s post?
I'm the Mom...
February 19th, 2010
11:18 am
Thank you for your kind comments.
I talked to my husband about my feelings last night. He made so many of the points that were brought up here today (How will I feel if it is another boy? What if our girl doesn’t want to sell Girl Scout cookies or play dress-up?) We are going to wait 2 years and then decide. I can do that.
For the record, I am very excited about this new child and my first son is Incredibly Fun and a joy every day. My new child has a lovely nursery and a special name after my Grandfather and Grandmother’s maiden name.
It really hit me like a ton of bricks about the loss of a Mother/Daughter relationship that many of you brought up. I’ve been very surprised at my feelings because I always said just two children and done!
Those that think I am selfish and not listening… I get that. I feel selfish and guilty. That is part of the reason I contacted Theresa. Sometimes you just need to hear/read things to get some perspective.
Thanks again!
Wayne
February 19th, 2010
11:26 am
I have to share this article… It’s a bit rough, but interesting in light of some of the conversations on this blog. Keep in mind that a male friend of mine – who does not have kids – sent it to a bunch of us.
Well, now that I see the URL, perhaps I might not send it… Hmmm…
Theresa, am I able to send something to you to check out first?
MomsRule
February 19th, 2010
11:45 am
@MJG, yes I did. Thanks. Your reason for staying with them makes sense. I was going to suggest Suntrust to you as I receive absolutely fabulous customer service with both my personal and business accounts. And I love how they treat my boys when they “handle” their own banking.
Unfortunately, they do not have the coverage you need.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
11:52 am
@Momma…I’ve got a couple questions for you, since you’re so into telling people to not attack your “facts”.
1. What evidence do you have to support your position that a third boy is “quite often” gay? Is there a clinical study that supports your “fact”? Can you cite it? Can it hold up to scientific scrutiny? Basically, what evidence do you have to verify that your statement is indeed a fact? You’ve presented none, but defend it as if it is a fact.
2. What is the definition of “quite often”? Is this in comparison just the homosexual birth rate or the total birth rate, which would skew things considerably (i.e. are you starting with all homosexuals and asking “which of you are the third of three boys” or are you taking the entire population of the third of three boys and asking “which of you are homosexuals”? If it is in comparison to just the homosexual population, is your “quite often” estimation based upon the 2000 Census Bureau stat that 1.5% of Americans identify themselves a homosexuals, or the 1948 Alfred Kinsey study that estimates the number at 10%, or the 1993 Janus study that shows the number closer to 5%, or the Family Research Council report that places the number at 2.5%.
Can you answer ANY of these questions to vailidate your claim as a fact? Because right now, all you’ve said is that you have stated a fact, but your argument supporting it (or lack thereof) makes it sound a lot more like an opinion.
Wayne
February 19th, 2010
11:54 am
[mumbling under breath] “self, don’t ever get into a debate with Tiger”
motherjanegoose
February 19th, 2010
11:57 am
@ Wayne…I knew tiger would be up to the challenge when mountain time caught allowed him to be here…LOL.
MomsRule
February 19th, 2010
12:04 pm
Tooo funny! I was also wondering how Tiger would address @Momma.
motherjanegoose
February 19th, 2010
12:12 pm
I goofed up, I started to say when mountain time caught up with eastern but that really NEVER happens does it….:)
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
12:16 pm
@5!!…my link to that study didn’t work. Can you convey what “more likely” means per the study? That’s not what Momma said…she said “quite often” and “good chance”.
For example, according to the Pennsylvania Lottery Commission (which is obligated to give correct statistics to the public), the odds of hitting the Powerball Jackpot with one purchased ticket is 1 in 146,107,962 million. Now if I buy two tickets, my odds go down to 1 in 73,053,981. Its goes without saying that I am “more likely” to hit the Jackpot with two tickets than one. However, I’m pretty freaking far from having a “good chance” of hitting the jackpot “quite often”.
Saying “More likely” is a fact….saying “good chance” and “quite often” are subjective opinions.
So for Momma to say, “it’s a fact” that this woman has a good chance that her son will be gay and that those circumstances quite often result in a gay child, and then REFUSING to support her claim is just bad debating and should summarily dismissed as hogwash until she can say something that actually provides evidence to support her.
@Wayne……I’m going to find the compliment in there!
Doug
February 19th, 2010
12:18 pm
Tiger’s blowing his typical smoke. He loves to see his words in print.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
12:18 pm
I’ve got to move to the East so I can strike while the iron is HOT!!!!!
;-)
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
12:20 pm
@Doug…..and you taking a shot at my motivations does nothing to feed your ego?
DB
February 19th, 2010
12:32 pm
Here you go, Tiger: http://www.pnas.org/content/103/28/10771.full.pdf
There is a SLIGHT effect of birth order — some theories are that something in gestating moms affects subsequent boys, others are divided on the biological vs. socialization issues.
But as you say — multiplying a very small chance by two still results in a very small chance. While it may be statistically significant in a small sample, when it is translated to the general population, it’s pretty much a drop in the bucket. Certainly not significant enough on which to base a decision for future children!
And if you want to go really crazy, how about the indications in this report that gay men are born more often to younger mothers than to older mothers? Haha . . .
And, honestly — so what if they’re gay?
Momma
February 19th, 2010
12:35 pm
I’m at work and my computer is blocked to many internet sites, including those needed to show you the studies. With simple googling (study “third male child” gay) you can find the studies. What I can pull up so far is:
The Making of John Barrowman:
But there is another strange bit of research that Lippa has been involved in, that suggests that gay men tend to be younger sons with at least two older brothers. This has to do with there being less testosterone with each successive pregnancy.
From the queerattitude.com website:
Boys are also, for some reason, are more likely to be gay if they have more older biological brothers.
1. Homosexuality: Why Don’t People Understand Sexual Orientation …
15 posts – 8 authors – Last post: Aug 7, 2008
There are any number of reasons why a third male child is more likely to be gay than a first, but none of them have anything to do with …
forums.mtgsalvation.com/showthread.php?p=3046016 – Cached
That last one was totally blocked, but should have good answers for you.
You’re trying to get off the topic by arguing “good chance”, “more likely”, whatever. The point is (which you seldom stick to), a 3rd male child is more likely to be gay than the 1st or 2nd male child.
Tiger’s more interested in arguing that learning.
HB
February 19th, 2010
12:42 pm
Tiger, your lotto explanation fits here. The study doesn’t say there’s a good chance the 3rd child will be gay, just that the chances of being gay increase with the number of older brothers. “Each older brother increases the probability of being homosexual by a third, though as the starting probability is small – most men with lots of elder brothers are still heterosexual.”
Here are what the article says scientists think are possible reasons for the increased probability:
“The mechanism by which having older biological brothers affects male sexuality remains unknown, but the most popular theory among scientists is that it reflects the way a mother’s immune system reacts to carrying male foetuses.
As males have a Y chromosome and females do not, a mother’s body may be more likely to recognise a male foetus than a female one as foreign, and to generate a strong immune response.
Other research has shown that this response can strengthen with each subsequent male pregnancy. This may affect the way the brain develops sexually. Sisters have no impact, and there is no effect on girls, as female foetuses do not provoke the same reaction.
“If this immune theory were correct, then the link between the mother’s immune reaction and the child’s future sexual orientation would probably be some effect of maternal anti-male antibodies on the sexual differentiation of the brain,” Dr Bogaert said.
It is also possible that successive male pregnancies changes the way that foetuses are exposed to the male hormone testosterone in the womb. This, however, would also be expected to influence female sexuality, on which having older brothers appears to have no effect.”
Lawrencevillemom
February 19th, 2010
12:47 pm
When my husband and I got married we said we wanted 2 kids and wanted them “on the ground and running by the time we were 30″. I had our first child, a son, when I was 21 and still in college (but he was definitely planned). I got pregnant, again planned, when he was 9 months old and our family was set to be complete….but it was not to be, our son passed away in his sleep when he was 17 months old and I was 7 1/2 months pregnant with #2 – who turned out to be a girl. After the grieving process had eased we decided that we didn’t want to raise our daughter as an only child so pregnancy #3 was planned – we decided to find out the sex …. not because we wanted one sex or the other but because if it was going to be a boy then we felt we needed to mentally prepare ourselves. We have been asked so many times … “are you going to have another to try for a boy?” Nope, we had our boy. Ours are now two beautiful girls – ages 16 & 19 and we are 41. Be happy with the healthy children you have and love them every day.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
12:52 pm
@Momma…I am actually interested in learning….and had supported your position and given us something to learn from (like DB did…thanks much DB) I wouldn’t have jumped on you. My apologies if I don’t just take as fact every post that is submitted here. I doubt you do either.
I won’t however apologize for arguing with you the words you use (ie. “good probability” vs”more likely”). Words MEAN something….and they should mean something because subtle changes in words have drastic results in their meaning. You’re obviously smart and well read, you should realize that.
If they don’t mean anything, then I suggest you take about $10,000 and go buy 10,000 Powerball quickpicks…because you’ve got a “good probability” at hitting the Jackpot (like one in 14,611). I mean, comparatively speaking from buying one that’s a SURE THING, unless you take the position that the meanings of the terms “more likely” and “good probability” suddenly aren’t splitting hairs.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
12:55 pm
@HB and DB…thank you for the explanations…because I have to be honest, that study read like freaking stereo instructions to me!
HB
February 19th, 2010
12:58 pm
You’re welcome, Tiger. I use to be an A/V tech, so I can help you with your stereo too. ;)
First time Mom
February 19th, 2010
12:59 pm
My husband & I are expecting our first child in April. We both agreed we “had to know” & it’s a girl. We’ve been together 8 years and all along we thought we wanted boys & especially wanted the first one to be a boy – it’s what we both know (I have a great big brother & my husband is the oldest of 3). From the day I found out I was pregnant, I had a feeling the baby was a girl & couldn’t be happier. My husband is over the moon about a little girl, but I do know he is holding out hope that a future baby will be a boy.
I think you are more likely today to hear expecting parents talk about gender dissapointment, but I would NEVER think they would talk about that in front of their other children. That is just thoughtless. I know a few friends who bawled for a few days when they found out baby #2 was not what they were hoping for – but all got over it.
Mel
February 19th, 2010
12:59 pm
As the mother of 3 young boys I was in the same boat! We had 2 miracle boys (u/s tech said #2 was a girl – not so much!), and then decided we wanted a 3rd. I didn’t want to know the sex, even though I craved a girl, because everyone ELSE put so much pressure on us for ‘is it a girl’, ‘are you hoping for a girl’, ‘what if it’s another boy’….UGH! I totally expected a girl since the pregnancy was totally opposite my first 2 and then was devastated when I found out it was a boy – I didn’t think I really cared and then was scared when I realized I DID and worried I wouldn’t love him. Now, my boys are 12, 8, and 7 and my 7 year old is the love of my life. From the moment he arrived he has been nothing but pure joy (unlike the awful pubescent 12-year old!!), and fills my heart with more love than ever imagined. I’m now 40 and facing remarriage to a younger, childless man, and the question about more kids comes up often. I am totally willing to have more children and at this point, any healthy child God wants to bless me with is welcome – boy or girl. I’d be thrilled with a daughter, but just as happy with a house full of messy, stinky, perfect boys!
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
1:02 pm
@HB, DB, and Momma…I know this is stirring things up, and I’ll take the heat for it, but would this also confirm that homesexuality is genetic too? That it isn’t actually a choice of lifestyle, but that people are actually born this way, like some are born with certain eye color? Food for thought, I guess…but WAY off topic and WAY too controversial! I hate controversy!
Jeff
February 19th, 2010
1:14 pm
Ever notice how some people get fired up over their PERCEPTION that someone-else is getting slighted? Even though they can’t really name names of it happening anywhere around them?
BTW, Tiger, did you ask for a paternity test from the preggos adult film star? I mean, given her chosen profession, I would imagine a paternity test would be a reasonable inquiry.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
1:17 pm
@Jeff…in the imortal words of Aerosmith, Jeff…”she can’t catch me cause the rabbit done died.”
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
1:19 pm
of course I meant “immortal”…..shame on me.
HB
February 19th, 2010
1:27 pm
Tiger, yes, this study supports that homosexuality is not a choice. Not necessarily genetic (hormonal and immune influences, for example, are different from genes inherited), but definitely biological.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
1:37 pm
@HB….makes sense why conservatives don’t reference it much, but I wonder why liberals haven’t tried to tout it as a landmark study.
5!!!
February 19th, 2010
1:40 pm
“…but would this also confirm that homesexuality is genetic too? ”
I didn’t realize that in this day and age that we were still waiting on confirmation. I thought only morons still thought otherwise.
I realize that anecdotal evidence is just that and not substatial, however, I’d like to share something.
My uncle Jon was gay. He was the 7th child and the 4th boy. Now, thats not the interesting part. Whats interesting is that all of his brothers are color blind. His sisters, however, have perfect sight. Jon also was not color blind, like his sisters.
Perhaps its coincidental that Jon was both gay and not color blind while all his brothers were straight and color blind, but I don’t think it is.
Just for disclosure, Uncle Jon did have a younger brother who is straight and color blind.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
1:42 pm
@5!!!…don’t get me wrong, I do believe it’s biological…but there is a substantial population who doesn’t.
Rebecca
February 19th, 2010
1:47 pm
Boy or girl? What does it matter? If you want 2, then have 2, etc. It just amazes me that people put more thought into the sex of a child as opposed to whether or not they can afford any of them!
5!!!
February 19th, 2010
1:49 pm
“but there is a substantial population who doesn’t.”
I don’t doubt it.
It occurred to me while watching the State of the Union this year that Barack Obama believes in something that I don’t. That belief is fundamental to his actions and his being. He believes that the American people are exceptional. That they can be counted on and are somethign to be admired. He is hoping that they will come through.
I, on the other hand, believe that the average person (regardless of Nationality) is stupid.
The only thing that ever made this country exceptional was an open immigration policy. That the best and the brightest would leave their horrible countries and come here bringing their exceptional talents, thereby, lifting the entire population with them.
Rebecca
February 19th, 2010
1:51 pm
wow 5!!! that’s interesting
HB
February 19th, 2010
2:08 pm
Tiger, I think the portion of the population that believes biology isn’t a big influence is getting smaller and smaller, even among those who believe homosexuality is a choice, because many of those people define homosexuality as an act, not an attraction/orientation. Or as my cousin puts it in our many arguments over the matter, “Some people are genetically predisposed to alcoholism, but it’s their choice to take a drink.” She’s also been known to say that cancer is natural too, but you want to cure it. So I’m thinking if someone firmly believes that homosexuality is immoral, science is going to do little to sway that opinion.
Michelle
February 19th, 2010
2:08 pm
@ 5!! That theory would support the concept to a point (less testosterone, more female hormones). Color blindness is typically only found in males and is inherited from the mother’s father. Anyway, I wonder if you looked at the birth order (boys @ 1, 2 ,3 ,4, then girl, girl, boy). I wonder if we could surmise that the mother’s body had a “break” from all the testosterone and therefore the testosterone wasn’t blocked as much?! Just a thought!
Also, from reading the study, it appears to be European (from the spelling of certain words) and not American. Hmmm….
Back to the topic…@ I’m the mom: I think you guys are making a good, solid decision to have this bundle of joy and then decide how you feel once all the pregnancy hormones are gone. You may find that you’re done (or as Theresa did) that you want one more, not really feeling the pull of boy/girl just baby! Dang hormones!! :o)
DB
February 19th, 2010
2:12 pm
Tiger, you want to see a pot stirred? OK —
What . . . no one is reflecting on the odds of any of the Dugger’s boys being gay? . . . Tsk, tsk!
SS
February 19th, 2010
2:14 pm
I think Tiger was just pointing out some specifics about statistics that many don’t realize. Statistics and the vocabulary chosen to represent them can be manipulated to be misleading–that’s all.
I don’t blame momma for feeling the way she does–it is reasonable to want to enjoy a gender or the specific type of relationship that each gender brings. With that being said, you have to reign yourself back with the fact that there are no certainties in life. You can’t control what kind of relationship you will have, what if you end up with twins, triplets, all boys, all girls etc?? If you are not open to all the possibilities; you probably shouldn’t try to reproduce because nothing is certain.
What you could do is look for a special friend or relative who has a girl and lavish that girl attention on her. She is already in existence and no child can have too much love and attention. And you get the extra joy of dropping her off when she’s being impossible as all girls can be at times ;) Good luck and may God bless you in all your parenting adventures!
DB
February 19th, 2010
2:15 pm
Michelle: The report that 5!!! referred to is a British newspaper discussing the study. I referenced the study directly in an earlier post. The researcher is Canadian.
Michelle
February 19th, 2010
2:16 pm
DB….tooo funny!!!!
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
2:19 pm
@SS…what you said is about the only thing I ever learned from stats. Had to take it twice, once for undergrad and once for grad schood, and the only reason I made it through is because the first time i was dating the prof’s daughter, and the second time the prof got a tenured position at University of Hawaii and went into aloha mode and told the entire class if we’d just do him the favor of showing up, we’d get a B! I don’t even pretend to have made sense out of that study, but I do know that stats can be manipulated. Freakonomics is a great book about all that.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
2:21 pm
@DB….i was THIS close to bringing up the Duggars!!! ;-) funny, great minds must think alike….but it’s “more likely” I just fluked into thinking like a great mind like yours!
Becky
February 19th, 2010
3:10 pm
I have 4 brothers and five sisters..None of the brothers are gay, nor color blind..Just saying..
@I’m the Mom..Go with what is in your heart..If y’all think it’s right to have one more, then do it..Even if it’s another boy, you will love him just as much as the two you have now..
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
3:16 pm
I just read the transcript of Tiger’s apology…PERFECT!!!
Well almost perfect, he should have announced that he realizes he and Elin will never make it. But maybe he just doesn’t know that yet….so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.
I don’t know, I think I’m going to have to change my name here because apparently Tiger doesn’t need me on his PR team. Any suggestions? anyone? show of hands?
Jane
February 19th, 2010
3:20 pm
Tiger needs me on his PR team – did your “associates” write the apology he read line by line from, or did he write it?
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
3:27 pm
@Jane…I would speculate that he worked with a team of writers……same thing every president since WWII has done. Doesn’t matter as long as he meant what he said, and I’m inclinded to believed the final draft was a true reflection of how he feels in his heart.
Becky
February 19th, 2010
3:42 pm
@Tiger..How about “Rocky”? Aren’t you in the Rocky Mountains?
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
3:44 pm
@Becky…I am…..I’m thinking maybe “The artist formerly known as Tiger’s PR Team”
TechMom
February 19th, 2010
3:48 pm
iRun… I’m with you on having a child who is pretty self-sufficient and it changing your mind about having another. I had my son when I was 16 and married young (21) but we decided not to have any more until we were both done with college. Fast forward a few years and then I wanted a little time to go on this trip, enjoy that thing, or whatever and we just kept putting it off. By the time the boy turned 12, I could not see myself starting over even though I was only 28 and most of my friends were having their first. I’ve learned that I really like kids, other people’s kids and mostly those over the age of about 10 (& happily work with the middle & high school kids at church). Everyone always asks my husband and I when we’re going to have another or more and although there are times when I *think* I want another, all I have to do is spend some time with a friend’s toddler or have the dogs wake me up in the middle of the night to remind me of all the reasons I wouldn’t want to go through it all again. I actually feel a little selfish for NOT wanting another.
Have a neighbor who after 3 boys actually did go the selective route to have a girl. I was completely shocked by it. It says to me that she wasn’t happy with her boys or her husband and now she’ll be putting all of her lover and energy into the girl. Hope she lives up to Mama’s expectections.
TechMom
February 19th, 2010
3:50 pm
*love* not lover :)
Becky
February 19th, 2010
4:08 pm
@Tiger..That would be a great new name..
Have a coworker that had two boys and could not wait to have a girl..Finally had one and both boys knew right off that baby sister was the golden child..Now the daughter is 14 and Mom can’t wait for her to move out..Just enjoy your kids, no matter what sex they are..
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
4:10 pm
@Becky…actually I think I want to wait until those who truly hate me chime in with their thoughts and use one of those?!?
motherjanegoose
February 19th, 2010
4:21 pm
@ tiger, if you change your name, try not to be too clever, Remember the poster who ( a few weeks ago) got onto you for the “Moniker” ( or do they call it “Handle” as in the days of CB radios?) you are currently using? He had no clue what you were up to and came late to the dance, then tried to make a fuss!
Rocky Mountain Redneck…LOL????
In the brains department, I know I am not on the top shelf. Having been out with LOTS of people, I find that I am o.k. when it comes to having just enough sense to able to navigate life ( I know there are many here who would disagree). It is one thing to trek to the same job, in the same building each day but another to have to mix it up a bit, even have a little bit of humor too!
What is up with Doug at 12:18? Did I miss the point or is he just frustrated because he cannot come up with a handspring ( like perhaps tiger) and can only do a somersault ( sp) ?
mom3boys
February 19th, 2010
4:22 pm
When I was pregnant w/ #3, 1 & 2 came to see the ultrasound (since I was sure it was a girl). When I broke down and just sobbed my oldest asked, “What’s wrong with another boy?” I felt like I had damaged him for life by being so visibly upset. I had to write a story for a class a few years ago and wrote about that day…when he got to the part about my warping him for life, he said, “I don’t remember any of this.” Thank God!
Now that #1 is engaged, while I love the fiance, I am not her mom, and do not want her to think I want to be her mom. I hope we will be close, but I never want to step on her mom’s toes and make anyone feel I am usurping that relationship. The wedding isn’t for a while, but I believe it’s never too early to begin praying for granddaughters! =)
Jeff is Roswell
February 19th, 2010
4:29 pm
I just want to keep trying without actually having the child.
Just thought I would leave you with that little happy nugget. Have a good weekend all!
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
4:29 pm
@MJG…a great man once said “when you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think”. I’m inclined to agree with that statement.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
4:31 pm
@Jeff…good one….I’m a big fan of unreproductive sex!
Becky
February 19th, 2010
4:35 pm
Amen Tiger and Jeff..Practice makes perfect and I want to practice for a long time..
catlady
February 19th, 2010
4:35 pm
So, if your husband, as he walks down the aisle, is already planning/picking out his next little wifie. How do you feel? Slighted a bit?
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
4:39 pm
@catlady…I don’t understand that statement. I’d love to answer it…just need to know the context in which it is being asked.
Becky
February 19th, 2010
4:45 pm
@catlady..My ex toasted a couple (young couple)at their wedding with something to the effect of “wishing you happiness with this marriage and the next one also”..
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
4:58 pm
@Becky…that’s funny. I was the best man in a wedding a few years back and told his wife she was a wonderful woman deserving of a good husband and I was glad she married my buddy before she found one.
TechMom
February 19th, 2010
4:59 pm
I’m guessing @catlady is actually staying on topic… mom is pregnant and before she’s even had this child, she’s thinking about the next.
My mom was one of 5 children (2 girls, 3 boys). Her mom told her and her sister continually growing up that she always wanted 5 boys and even had all their names picked out but she ended up with her and her sister. Talk about emotional scars for life. My grandmother obviously had major ‘male’ issues (and was psychotic if you ask me) but it’s sad because she always made my mom feel like she was never good enough. I can understand parents wanting a girl or boy but when you don’t move past it after the baby is born, that’s a big problem.
Becky
February 19th, 2010
5:00 pm
See weddings can be fun..
Tiger needs me on his PR team
February 19th, 2010
5:15 pm
@TechMom…good observation….staying on topic is foreign to me. ;-)
HB
February 19th, 2010
7:23 pm
I don’t know, catlady. Maybe in a polygamist family that would be perfectly fine. Otherwise, I don’t understand the comparison either. I mean, many people plan to have more than one kid and don’t get rid of them as others come along, so why not be dreaming of future children while happy with the present new baby? How is that a slight? Wives on the other hand usually aren’t still around when the new one comes along, so dreaming of the next wife presumably is dreaming of a life without the current one. That’d hurt my feelings…
FCM
February 20th, 2010
8:24 am
All of you raising sons and wishing for daughters…you will get them. It is just I am not through raising them to let your sons have them yet.
Don’t get what I am saying? IF you do your job to grow the sons into responsible, productive MEN and I do my job of raising responsible, productive WOMEN (of my daughters) then one day they will marry and I will get my Sons (in law) and you will get your Daughters (in law).
You can think I am crazy but I am already praying for your child. Your son who will make a life with my daughter, though they are all too young to worry about any of that yet. These are the sons and daughters who will raise my grandchildren.
When you look at it that way, it isn’t a hard decision. You only have the number of children you want to raise.
catlady
February 20th, 2010
9:13 am
It’s not that “mom” wants a third child (understandable). She wants a child who is NOT (in the most fundamental way possible), either the child she has or the child she is pregnant with.
Tiffany
February 21st, 2010
2:48 pm
I don’t think this lady is thinking clearly right now. She is probably hormonal from her pregnancy and I am sure quite emotional. I would put these feelings aside for now…focus on the son she has and the new baby that will be arriving soon. If at some point in the future she still has the urge to have another child…then so be it. But it should be for the sake of wanting another child, not for the chance of getting a girl.
catlady
February 21st, 2010
4:33 pm
I am reminded about what Brother Dave Gardner, a 60s comedian said: Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.
New Stepmom
February 21st, 2010
7:21 pm
@FCM, beautifully put! My sone will be a bit young for your daughter, but you will be a great mother in law!
JATL
February 21st, 2010
8:12 pm
I agree with FCM. I have a Goddaughter whom I enjoy some “girl” moments with, and I also look forward to my sons growing up and hopefully remembering their raising -and marrying women who I will really enjoy welcoming into my family. Who knows, I may even get lucky and have granddaughters, but you know what? Even if both of my sons are gay and they never have kids or just wind up with boys or whatever -I will still be overjoyed with them!
Kat
February 21st, 2010
8:33 pm
This woman should be happy with healthy children – end of story. But, that’s easier for those of us looking “in” to say that. Perhaps she feels unfulfilled without a daughter. However, her second son was apparently not wanted because he SHOULD have been a daughter. Her third (if she/hubby choose and end up with a boy) son will be unwanted because he SHOULD have been a daughter. What a mess!
Dave
February 22nd, 2010
7:32 am
@ Becky (4:35) – I’ll practice with you!
WAE
February 22nd, 2010
8:24 am
Whiney, white control freaks! is this all white women have to worry about?
Lisa
February 22nd, 2010
8:49 am
Mighty racist of WAE to assume most folks on here are white. I know of a couple regulars who aren’t.
Becky
February 22nd, 2010
9:21 am
@Dave..What would I tell my husband? Thanks for th offer though..
@WAE..Is this all that you have to write about? Glad to know that you aren’t racist..
Dave
February 22nd, 2010
9:48 am
@Becky – the more the merrier!
Becky
February 22nd, 2010
10:10 am
@Dave..Your opinion?
Dave
February 22nd, 2010
10:46 am
@ Becky – Call me on it – you’ll see!
Erica
March 1st, 2010
9:50 am
I can’t believe the mean things that everyone is posting on here. I can relate to her wanting to have a girl. I believe all woman would love to have a mother/daughter relationship and get to to girly things with them – it’s in our DNA! Of course playing dress up is more fun than transformers. I have an older brother to my little girl and think it is perfection. Of course I would love my children no matter what their gender. I remember being pregnant the second time and wanting a girl so badly, but did not tell anyone b/c I didn’t want to be judged (as everyone here is doing to this poor woman), then crying tears of joy at the ultrasound when we found out the sex. It’s not selfish to think this way, it’s just a desire. Has everyone on here not had a desire for something or another? It doesn’t mean you would love that child any less. Although I will say, statistically speaking, that the chances of having a third child of a different sex if your first two are the same, is very low. So do it because you really want another child so you don’t set yourself up for disappointment, although I can relate. I would probably research kooky things to do to help determine the outcome and still try again, because having my little girl is the best thing in the world and I love seeing how sweet her awesome big brother is to her. He adores her!