Are two Mommies as good as a Mom and a Dad?
Same-sex couples are just as good at raising well-adjusted, healthy kids as heterosexual couples according a new study published in the February issue of the Journal of Marriage and Family.
According to HealthDay on Yahoo:
” ‘There’s a deeply held and widespread view out there that children need both a mother and a father to do well,’ said study author Judith Stacey, a professor of sociology and of social and cultural analysis at New York University in New York City. ‘And it seems to be a bipartisan conviction — with a lot of public policy based on that premise — since literally both President Bush and President Obama have said exactly that.’ ”
“ ‘But the point is that this orthodoxy is supposedly supported not just by a belief, but by actual research,’ Stacey noted. ‘Yet we found that, in fact, there is no research that shows that children need both a mother and a father. And we looked everywhere.’ “
Stacey and study co-author Timothy J. Biblarz, chairman of the sociology department at the University of Southern California, reviewed 81 studies conducted since 1990 that fell into one of two categories: two-parent family studies comparing lesbian couples with heterosexual couples in terms of parenting skills and/or the psychological and social well-being of their children; and studies that compared single-mother parenting with that of single-fathers.
The researchers found that social class and educational background seemed to affect the manner in which someone parents as opposed to gender.
” ‘The bottom line is that it is the quality of parenting, not the gender of the parents, that matters for child outcomes,’ said Stacey.”
They predict the same would be true for gay men as well but there hasn’t been as much research in that area.
Norval D. Glenn, a professor in the department of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin and an advisor to the Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute for American Values, a conservative think tank in New York City, says much more research much to be done to safely conclude same-sex parents are just as good.
What do you think: Are two Mommies as good as a Mom and Dad? Why or why not? Do you agree the quality of parenting outweighs the sex of the parent? What are your thoughts on the opposite scenario of two men?
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321 comments Add your comment
2moms
January 28th, 2010
9:49 am
As a lesbian parent of an amazing 3 year old daughter, I think I am more qualified to speak on this as opposed to some of you. We are two educated professional women in a very long term monogomous relationship who chose to have a child and we fully understand the enormity of our responsibility. We nurture her, build her self-esteem, educate her and provide her with love and stability every day of her life. We expose her to other relationships and role models of both genders and give her the opportunity to see how others live and teach her that no two families are the same but it’s love that makes them a family. As for “just saying” and “3 or 4″ – Keep your closed minded bigotry away from my family. We pay our taxes and follow the law so why are you so afraid of us? Are you scared that two women might just do a better job than you??
Jane
January 28th, 2010
9:50 am
Where’s Julie and FCM this morning. They’d be all over this one!
Nature (with all other animals) did not intend for same-sex parents to raise the offspring. Nature’s done pretty well so far, so this is just a few people wanting to justify their perversion of creation by raising children in a homosexual relationship. They’re more interested in their own needs/wants than what’s best for the children.
Aquagirl
January 28th, 2010
9:52 am
We’re on the slippery slope with this question—y’know, the one where all the nuts show up babbling about adam and steve, or plumbing, or whatever talking points they heard in their megachurch.
The laws of nature favor 14 year olds impregnating 13 year olds. I say let’s get back to raising children how they were designed to be raised: by an extended family/tribe after one or both of the biological parents were trampled by a mammoth.
Dave
January 28th, 2010
9:54 am
2moms – you have men for role models? When they’re outside the home, not seen continually interacting with mom, it’s different than having a man in the house.
Also, you have a daughter – a little bit different scenario than having a son who needs a man to emulate. I’m sure you try your best – but to deny that having a father to look up to is important is just burying your head in the sand (with all due respect).
two-mommy family
January 28th, 2010
9:55 am
It is so strange to read all the comments, good and bad, about my family. There is such a tone of heterosexual superiority here. I know many of you mean well, but you all have no real basis for saying a mom and a dad is best, but a two-mom family would be okay if the mom and dad is not available for whatever reason.
We did put a lot of thought and effort into having children. We love our children more than anything, and we provide them with a much more stable home life than either of us grew up in. We are so proud of our children and they are doing exceptionally well. We do have men in our children’s lives on a regular basis to make sure they don’t miss out on any positive male role models.
I venture to say that one is not better than the other. They are just different, and there are so many things outside a person’s sexual orientation that will predict how the children turn out.
I look at the many heterosexual families in our lives, and a common problem we see is that many dads abandon the mom to raise the children on her own (and I don’t mean they literally leave the home). We find that heterosexual moms are often lonely and depressed trying to do it on their own (we know this isn’t the case for everyone). In a two-mom family, I think you generally see a more balanced approach toward parenting that helps everyone.
In any event, Georgia has a huge population of excellent same-sex parents raising exceptional children.
Jane
January 28th, 2010
9:56 am
It’s interesting how most of the stupid, illogical, hatred, instigating comments are from “names” that haven’t appeared before. Where either the regulars are to ashamed of their comments to use their normal names or outsiders just want to butt in and be a$$e$.
2moms
January 28th, 2010
9:57 am
Dave – What century are you living in? I guess the better question is what county are you living in? Just wondering how many single parent boys you are currently mentoring so that they have a man to emulate in their life?
Jane
January 28th, 2010
9:58 am
It’s interesting how most of the stupid, illogical, hatred, instigating comments are from “names” that haven’t appeared before. Where either the regulars are to ashamed of their comments to use their normal names or outsiders just want to butt in and be jerks.
Dave
January 28th, 2010
9:59 am
@2moms – I see that when someone disagrees with you, you mentally can’t handle it and get nasty. What exactly did I say that justifies you insulting me?
I live in this century and in Cobb County. What does that have to do with anything except you trying to be nasty?
Again, what did you disagree with? You actually think having a man “friend” as a role model is the same as having a father? GET A CLUE!!!
3 or 4?
January 28th, 2010
9:59 am
No proof…
January 28th, 2010
9:47 am
@3 or 4 and @Brian in Athens. The point of the commentary is, after searching hi and lo…. “Yet we found that, in fact, there is no research that shows that children need both a mother and a father”. Hence, the basis for the argument of marriage = 1 man / 1woman hold no merit!
What about the studies Brian is referring to at 9:19? I think we can all agree that preventing teen pregnancy and drug/alcohol usage is good parenting. So apparently a father does provide tangible quantifiable benefits.
2moms – I’m not afraid of you, you have no power in my life. But you are harming an innocent child who will never have a chance to grow up in a real family. Way to be selfish!
2moms
January 28th, 2010
9:59 am
two-mommy family – Well said. You sound like a wonderful family!
iRun
January 28th, 2010
10:00 am
@Rod, also, you make a point that my husband is an exception. Based on what evidence? Your own experiences? Don’t we all default to own experiences as “normal”?
Thing is, families like this have existed FOREVER. It used to be that fathers were barely involved in child-rearing at all. Children were raised by all the women, who banded together to raise the kids and tend the fields while the men roamed around killing for meat and screwing whatever female they found, willing or otherwise.
So, there is no “normal” from what I can see.
ThisIsSilly
January 28th, 2010
10:00 am
I wonder what’s more sad for children? Having 2 moms or a mom who is a “regular” on momMania?
...
January 28th, 2010
10:02 am
Nature did not intend for man to live 80+ years either. Without drugs, surgery, and other non-naturals the average life span would be about 35 years. So, please bigots, stop taking medicine.
Aquagirl
January 28th, 2010
10:04 am
Jane, maybe people aren’t using their real names because they don’t want harassment from stupid, illogical, instigating bigots. If someone thinks they are qualified to comment a family setup with no logical basis, they’re best avoided in the real world.
Rod
January 28th, 2010
10:06 am
Now I see why people avoid this blog – to much hatred for a different opinion. I gave mine and get attacked.
I’ll leave this for the trolls.
Jane
January 28th, 2010
10:07 am
Aquagirl – or maybe people like you find it easier to insult others when they don’t know who it is. I doubt you’d ever say something rude to someone in person, but you feel empowered on a blog and exert your opinion.
Get a real life.
2moms
January 28th, 2010
10:08 am
Dave – Not trying to be nasty but this is my child’s life you are talking about. I gave my general opinion, I didn’t ask for your personal feedback on what kind of role models I need for my kid. I’ll tell you what, let’s talk again in 18 years and see where our kids are and what kind of advantage having a man in the house gave your kids over mine.
ThisIsSilly
January 28th, 2010
10:10 am
Jane – Did you just tell somebody to get a real life? you are a self admitted regular on this blog! Who needs a real life?
Jane
January 28th, 2010
10:13 am
2moms – you didn’t ask for personal feedback? BULL!!!!
When you argue your situation on here, you’re begging for it. If you don’t want to know that what you’re doing is wrong or hurting your child, then don’t go announcing it. DUH.
To think that your child is better off without a father figure is just plain STUPID. Seriously. I’m sure you and your bedmate love your daughter – that’s not the point (which you’re not able to comprehend). The point is: no matter how masculine you or she may be, neither of you will ever be able to provide a good fatherly role model for your child: which is needed.
Love your family, but don’t be so stupid as to think your daughter is better off without a father figure.
Jane
January 28th, 2010
10:14 am
ThisIsSilly – I see you’re a pathetic coward too! HAHA
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 28th, 2010
10:14 am
Seems to me in each of Theresa’s questions in the realistic, pragmatic world, the answer is the same….it depends.
Are two mommies better than a man and a woman…it depends.
Is the quality of parenting better or worse…it depends.
What about two men raising a child……it depend
If we’re asking that question from the “extreme world” and you ask if any of those circumstances are INHERENTLY better than the others, I think you’ll get the divergence of opinions we see here.
The point is…there’s no way to assess the inherent benefits because we will always see and accept bad hetero parents. They will always exist. Make no mistake, all hetero parents, good and bad, are the standard by which we base the “traditional marriage between a man and woman.” So when people talk “traditional marriage” and parenting, the tradition that has been practiced forever is that “traditionalists” are willing to accept the bad parents with the good parents as long as they’re hetero. And we’re not just talking a little bad, we’re talking really evil bad parents….but they’re hetero, so that’s the price we pay to preserve the traditional family and to “traditionalists” it’s an acceptable price to pay.
So I guess the problem I have is the “traditionists” don’t seem to want to regulate parenting and marriage for bad hetero parents…but they jump on that bandwagon against homosexual parents for the simple reason that they are homosexual. I find it a bit hypocritical.
3 or 4?
January 28th, 2010
10:15 am
2moms – “my child”, “my kid” “mine”
Nice possesive sense of entitlement. It’s all about you, not the kid isn’t it? I feel so sorry for the kid you have possession of.
Richard Swingin
January 28th, 2010
10:15 am
Jane, please don’t bring “nature” into this. very few species “mate for life”, and more than a few engage in canibalism, incest and homosexual behaviors as a means to establish dominance or the pecking order in a pack, herd, pride, or other social unit. AND, I am sure you are aware there are a handful of species which are “unisex” (adults have genitalia of both genders. I think the jury is still out on any impact this may have on children, but homosexuality is not exclusive to homosapiens. it is only attempts by some to place moral/political value on homosexuality, which is exclusively human, but come to think of it, this is done in order to “establish domimance or a pecking order within the pack, herd, pride or other social unit.” you may be qualified to speak on homosexuality as it relates to the laws of man (Bible, Constitution) but you’re off the mark when you start citing Mother Nature.
Julia
January 28th, 2010
10:17 am
A child needs a man and a woman in their life.. There are some things the 2 mommies can not teach them and there are things that 2 daddy’s just cant teach them. Sorry but its true and even a wonderful single parents sees this.
DAVID: AJC Truth Detector
January 28th, 2010
10:17 am
READ THE BIBLE……GOD created EVE for a damn good reason…..ADAM..& BOB could have have created CAIN & ABLE……….LIBERALs love the challenge traditional values…
Aquagirl
January 28th, 2010
10:18 am
Well, Jane, I doubt in real life you’d walk up to a same-sex couple with kids and tell them they shouldn’t have children. But you–and people like you— feel quite empowered to exert your opinion not just on blogs, but using the force of government.
Get a real life? Commenting on here means I don’t have one? If I’m not a regular, I shouldn’t express my opinion, if I am, I’m rude—being phenomenally judgmental is as easy to you as breathing. If you think I shouldn’t have two mommies, maybe you shouldn’t try to be my second.
iRun
January 28th, 2010
10:19 am
OK, it’s obvious that Jane and 3 or 4 are determined to engage in degenerate conversation. Wait, no, they’re not willing to converse. They just want to bring down the house and use inflammatory language.
So, everyone on here who actually wants to have a REAL conversation, please just do not feed those bears. I’m talking to you, too, Rod, because I was interested in having a real back and forth with you but now you’ve fled.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 28th, 2010
10:21 am
@AJC truth Detector…so it is you contention that man and woman were created as male and female for the primary purpose of procreation?
DAVID: AJC Truth Detector
January 28th, 2010
10:23 am
LIBERALS love to attack traditional Christian values:…..Liberals attack the traditional concept of MARRIAGE..between a man & a women………..LIBERALs attack the NATIVITY SCENE in the Public Square……Liberals attack the Lord’s Prayer in public places……Liberals attack the TEN COMMANDMENTS in public places…..Liberals seek to eliminate GOD on public ducuments..
oneofeach4me
January 28th, 2010
10:23 am
I personally want my son to be raised by both his father and I. When I see the two of them fish, or hike, or wrestle on the floor, or build cars, and punch bags…. I realise those are things that he is meant to do with his father.
On the flip side of the coin, this is my son so I can make the decision. I must focus on my family and building it up. I raise my children to be tolerant and acceptable towards anyone who is caring and just. So in other words, to each his own. To say whether or not a child is better off one way or another is not my place. I just know my kids are better off with their father in the home.
JJ
January 28th, 2010
10:24 am
Some of these comments are very sad. Some of them are very Christian based, and some people just cannot think for themselves.
I have no problem with same sex parenting. I have no problem with same sex marriages. I have no problem with gays and lesbians raising kids. What I do have a problem with is crack ho’s and low income idiots with numerous baby daddies/mommies, who continue to breed, and expect ME to support their kids with my tax dollars.
What it comes down to is a loving family environment. As long as a child is loved, fed, and taken care of, they will turn out just fine. I’ve known NUMEROUS single moms who have raised well adjusted boys, without a man in the home.
We are in the 21st century people. Where is the tolerance? So someone doesn’t think exactly like you. Too bad. Open your minds and see that there are SO many different PEOPLE, regardless of skin color, sexual preference, etc. and that’s what makes this world interesting.
Imagine if we all thought the same, raised our kids the same, worked the same jobs, listened to the same music, ate the same food, etc. How boring would that be?
I believe in diversity!!!!!!
2moms
January 28th, 2010
10:24 am
I just want to thank you all for reminding me that people like all of you do exist in the world. I was getting too comfortable. I printed this so that I can remind myself that evil and hatred does exist. I’ll keep my mouth closed but just remember that we pay taxes and we WILL share your schools and we WILL be at the park and we DO share the same god (which I sure is appalling to you).
RJ
January 28th, 2010
10:28 am
I firmly believe that a child should see two parents of the opposite sex. There are issues that my daughter has that she doesn’t feel comfortable with speaking to my husband about. It’s a girl thing. Surely as my son gets older the same will be true. I’ve helped my husband understand the behavior of young girls when he’s completely lost because that was once me. I cannot imagine trying to raise my son without his presence. I truly believe that his male influence is necessary for my son’s development into manhood. Does it mean I don’t think that a woman can raise a man? Absolutely not! But a woman no more understands what it’s like being a man than a man understands what it’s like being a woman. In my home, I’m the nurturer. I’ll admit that I will let a lot of things slide. My husband tends to be a lot more strict, particularly with my son. In his words, “he’ll try me one day. All boys do.” With him already being taller than me at 12, I’m glad to have a 6′5″ male in the home to handle him when that day comes.
I have witnessed same sex couples raising a kid. He was well adjusted and a very bright little boy. They’re great people and great mommies. But I can’t help but wonder what his teen years will be like without that male influence in the home. As far as the stigma is concerned, I agree that it will exist, but parents can help their child overcome it. What I don’t like seeing is the parent that decided to marry and have kids, then one day decides that they really want to live their life with a same sex partnew and expect the kids to understand. Sorry, but that’s not fair to the kids. It’s a selfish act that I find despicable.
RGB
January 28th, 2010
10:29 am
“Some of them are very Christian based, and some people just cannot think for themselves.”
Congratulations. You’ve just appointed yourself as your own god.
Think about that for a moment.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 28th, 2010
10:30 am
on a side note….I hope all you people worried about the “stigma” that kids face with same sex parents aren’t raising any fat kids! If you are, you need to take a long hard look at the stigma they’re facing as fat kids. As a former fat kid, it’s ROUGH! So hopefully you’re not cherry picking the stigmas you worry about.
3 or 4?
January 28th, 2010
10:30 am
Next time I see that will be a first. I live in the recently declared “most gay city in America”, and I’ve never once seen a gay group of people acting as if they were a family. Are these people hiding in a cave or something?
PROUD
January 28th, 2010
10:33 am
3 or 4? Where exactly do you live? Spend some time in most of Atlanta and Decatur and you will see many many 2 parent families that happen to have 2 moms or 2 dads. Do you think it’s all a big myth? I am not in a cave. I’ll tell you where we will be this weekend and you are welcome to join us!
multiples
January 28th, 2010
10:36 am
It sounds like most people agree that 2 parents (4 helping hands) are better than 1 parent and that it doesn’t matter the gender. Does that mean the next hot topic will be about bi-sexuals and we end up with 3 parents (6 helping hands, the more the merrier)? That will take care of any bi-sexuals who swing both ways and the kid gets a mommy and a daddy and an extra third parent to help out. Pretty soon we’ll all be one big, happy, disfunctional family that does not discriminate but accepts all members of the family.
Gram
January 28th, 2010
10:38 am
Can you imagine a small child trying to explain to his/her friends why he/she has two moms or two dads instead of the traditional mom/dad family? I would never do that to a child. Maybe it’s ok legally, but morally and spiritually, it’s a slap in the face to the child. He/she will need therapy for many years to come, mark my words.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 28th, 2010
10:40 am
@multiples….so what’s your question? No one can stop 1,2,3 to 100 people from parenting a child right now. There is nothing illegal about it. If you’re problem is with gay marriage, then the solution is simple…make marriage, by a matter of law, the legal union between two, and only two, consenting adults regardless of their gender. Problem solved and I don’t think there would be any “liberal” pushback on that.
Get a grip
January 28th, 2010
10:41 am
Seriously, get a grip. If homosexuality was supposed to happen, the human race would disappear in 100 years.
We were meant to be man/woman – DUH!!!
PROUD
January 28th, 2010
10:43 am
Get a grip – I think you are missing the point here. I think they are talking about homosexuals who already DID reproduce and continue the human race. See what we’re talking about here? It’s not JUST a gay bashing festival but their kids too! Hope you caught on now.
Nadia74
January 28th, 2010
10:44 am
2Mommy makes an excellent point…not better, just different.
Why does everyone keep bringing up the male role model thing? If my husband dies, today, do I need to remarry (a man), tomorrow, just to ensure that my children have a male role model? Let’s be realistic here. I think it is more important to not have crappy people in your life, influencing your kids, whether they are male or female. However, since so many of you keep harping on this, I am thinking you have given me a wonderful business idea. ATTENTION ALL GAYS: MALE AND FEMALE ROLE MODELS FOR HIRE
Topics like this just make me cringe. It makes me worry that my children might actually know some of you.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 28th, 2010
10:45 am
Get a grip…so if man and woman’s sole purpose is to procreate..I hope you’re not ever having intentionally unreproductive sex….seems like that goes against your charter as a hetero. That’s why the Catholic Church view birth control as a sin, right? Because the sole purpose of sex is to create life.
Jessica
January 28th, 2010
10:46 am
@multiples – what blog are you reading? While most of us agree that 4 hands are better than 2, most of us also agree that a mother/father is much better than M/M or F/F. On a few (repeatedly posting) folks go the other way.
Less than 10% of this country live in a homosexual family with children – yet 30-40% of this blog is from them. Shows you that they’re just blasting the blog, trying to force their pervision on others.
Get a grip
January 28th, 2010
10:47 am
Tiger – do you think we’re supposed to be homosexuals? If so, explain how we’d still be here if that was the “norm.”
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 28th, 2010
10:52 am
I’ve got a serious question here for those who are so rabidly against same sex parenting. Are you willing the extoll punishment via legislation against hetero parents who fail to live up to their commitments that they should have taken on the first time around. Would you be willing to establish a law that says, after due process and a finding of failing to be a good parent, that person was barred from being granted a marriage license ever again in the future?
Dar
January 28th, 2010
10:52 am
So long as the person or people raising the child are able to get him/her to high school graduation with all of their parts intact and no criminal record I think it is a win for everyone! On a serious note, a child that grows up in a loving and supportive household, not matter its make-up, should be just fine thank you very much. I have a neighbor child being raised by his grandparents because his parents died — they seem to be doing a pretty good job. My other neighbor raised four great kids as a single mom. I think my BF and I are doing a pretty good job with my son even though his father will not ever be a candidate for dad of the year. As far as the child being embarrassed, do you see how kids from “normal” households treat one another anyway? Everyone is going to get teased for something. I am now ashamed to admit that I was embarrassed for a time as a child because my dad was not a “professional” like my friends’ dads and because he was a little heavy….I guess maybe I should have been sent to be raised by a more “normal” family with a fit dad who worked in an office in order to protect my fragile ego? Nah. A loving supportive household, no matter its makeup, is what matters. Just my two cents….don’t spend it all in one place.
LeeH1
January 28th, 2010
10:52 am
A boy learns how to be a man from living with another man, be it father, grandfather, uncle, whatever. He stands like his role modle, dresses like his role model, handles anger and frustration like his role model, develops patterns of problem solving like his role model.
A girl needs a man around the house as well. She needs to learn how to live with men, how to interact with men, and to see how men interact with other men and other women.
And the reverse is true for having a woman in the house.
The term “bastard” not only means a boy without a father, but also a boy who has not been taught and who has not learned gentle behavior, manners or how to get along with others. Boys learn this from other men. A house without both a man or a woman present reduces the social skills of the children.
The children can live, but not thrive, without these influences. As Cyrano de Bergerac said about needing the influence of a woman in his life, “You blessed my life! Never on me had rested woman’s love. My mother even could not find me fair I had no sister; and, when grown a man, I feared the mistress who would mock at me. But I have had your friendship — grace to you! A woman’s charm has passed across my path.”