Teen pregnancies are up, but WHY?
The big news yesterday was that the U.S. teen pregnancy rate rose in 2006 for the first time in more than a decade, reversing a long slide.
According to Reuters: “The overall teen pregnancy rate was up 3 percent in 2006, with a 4 percent rise in the rate of births and a 1 percent rise in the rate of abortions, according to the report by the Guttmacher Institute.”
But the questions for today are: Why is the rate up? And what can parents do to stop their daughter from becoming a statistic?
There are many interesting theories floating around as to why the increase in teen pregnancy. Here is a sampling:
Larry Finer, Guttmacher’s director for domestic research, said in a telephone interview with Reuters: “We’re not quite sure yet whether this is just a blip or whether it’s the beginning of a longer upward trend. It’s interesting to note that this flattening out of the rate and the increase in the rate is happening at the same time that we’ve seen substantial increases in funding for abstinence-only programs.”
“We do know that when we saw the big decline in the ’90s, that a lot of that decline was due to improved contraceptive use among teens.”
From the U.S News and World Report:
” ‘This new study makes it crystal clear that abstinence-only sex education for teenagers does not work,’ Cecile Richards, president of Planned Parenthood, said in an E-mailed statement. ‘It should serve as a wake-up call to anyone who still believes that teenagers aren’t sexually active or that abstinence-only programs curb the rate of teen pregnancy.’ She’s happy that President Obama eliminated abstinence-only education funding and has instead set aside $100 million for comprehensive sex education programs to prevent teen pregnancies.”
However from the same story another quote:
“Valerie Huber of the National Abstinence Education Association told the Washington Post that she blamed the increase on ‘an oversexualized culture, lack of involved and positive role models, and the dominant message that teen sex is expected and without consequences.’ ” …
“But Heather Boonstra, Guttmacher’s senior public policy associate, tells me the reasons for the increase are probably complex and multifold. ‘We’ve been seeing declines in contraceptive use,’ she says, probably at least in part because of complacency about the HIV virus that fueled a rise in condom use among teens in the 1990s. She also says teen pregnancy seems to be more acceptable in many American towns and cities as teens flock to blockbuster movies like Juno (which positively portrays a pregnant teen) and see pregnant peers in their classes, something that was rare several decades ago.Decline in contraceptive use – people less afraid of AIDS – Also believe the pregnancies could be the result of domestic violence in dating relationships.”
Another possible reason: domestic abuse that results in pregnancy. One-third of teens say they’ve been in an abusive relationship at some point.
The second part to this equation is what do parents do now that the number is rising? How can you prevent you daughter from becoming pregnant?
My 8-year-old has recently become very interested in pregnancy outside of marriage, and I think we will be having the sex talk pretty soon. She’s not understanding why some women are married when they have kids (we were married for seven years, I think, before we had her) and others are not. (She caught a few scenes of MTV’s “Teen Mom” one night after I feel asleep and was very interested in that show. She also saw on TLC’s “Say Yes to the Dress” a woman trying on her wedding dress announcing she was pregnant. She’s very curious about how you control this.)
I actually think the “Teen Mom” series is a very good deterrent for teens. It shows just how much having that cute baby changes your world. You can’t go out. You’re You can’t finish your education. You’re stuck in many cases with the loser guy that knocked you up. I think it does a good job showing the harsh reality of life after that one night of passion.
I also found this other article in U.S. News and World Report talking about eight personality and behavioral traits that were associated with both abstinence and academic achievement.
Here’s the list from Bernadine Healy, M.D.:
“But maybe it’s more. The researchers identified eight personality and behavioral traits that were associated with both abstinence and academic achievement—traits that to some extent may be inborn but can also be taught and reinforced regularly at home and at school:
- Future orientation, with a focus on long-term goals
- Willingness to postpone current pleasures for larger future rewards
- Perseverance, as in the ability to stick to a task or commitment
- A belief that current behavior can positively affect the future
- Impulse control, including ability to control emotions and desires
- Resistance to peer influence
- Respect for parental and social values
- Sense of self-worth and personal dignity”
So what do you think: Why do you think the pregnancy rate has ticked up? What methods or teachings will help keep your daughter out of this situation?
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114 comments Add your comment
Julia
January 27th, 2010
1:16 pm
I have had the talk with the boy and I have flat told him. The last thing you want is having your first job to pay child support.
jd
January 27th, 2010
1:20 pm
I just recently was told by my 18 year old that she had sex for the first time with her boyfriend of three years. Needless to say, although she’s of age, it caught me off guard and broke my heart. I thought I’d had all the talks and guess I did pretty good since she waited that long but wish I could go back and stress the part about saving yourself for marriage. Not that it may have mattered, but I wish I had of.
I don't think that...
January 27th, 2010
1:24 pm
movies like “Juno” and those about the pregnancy pact made by those New England teens help at all with this issue (there was even an episode on “Bones” (TV) that had this as the plot.
But, I have not a clue as to how to curb the enthusiasm for sex at a young age, especially when we have most of the regular bloggers on site talk about how young they were when they had sex or that they like to “try on shoes” before buying them, too.
Again, not meaning to be “judgmental”, as I have no clue as to what to do!!!!
JJ
January 27th, 2010
1:39 pm
TALK TO YOUR KIDS!!!!!!! Discuss the ramifications of sex. Ask them if they are ready to have a baby……..how would they handle being a parent at 17? TALK TO THEM!!!!!!!
Keep the lines of communication open. Talk openly about it. Don’t wait for them to come to you. I have been talking to my kid about sex since she was 8 years old…….
And don’t think that by educating them about birth control that you are giving them permission to have sex. THEY ALREADY ARE!!!!!!!
Parents are failing their kids. They look to us for advice. They NEED us!!!!!!! Damnit stand up and be a parent!!!!!
nurse&mother
January 27th, 2010
1:50 pm
It’s not really a sex issue. Teens have been having premarital sex since WWII (and before). BUT what has changed is that there is no longer a stigma attached to it. AND as importantly, there are so many entitlement programs that enable the lower socioeconomic status to continue to stay on such programs. Trust me, I see this everyday that I show up to L&D. If you don’t believe me, just hang out in your local maternity dept of the hospital. I’m guessing such folks are all over the country (but probably more in the south).
nurse&mother
January 27th, 2010
1:52 pm
Not to say that only lower socioeconomic girls get pregnant, but based on my daily observation, there is a much higher percentage. I’m sure I will get slammed for stating the obvious, however. It is not always politically correct to be state the truth. (another one of the country’s problems – a topic for another day, perhaps, Theresa)
FCM
January 27th, 2010
2:15 pm
“there is no longer a stigma attached to it. AND as importantly, there are so many entitlement programs that enable the lower socioeconomic status to continue to stay on such programs.” AMEN SISTER!!!
“pregnancy pact made by those New England teens” Just the pact itself points to an issue then we can go into the “galmour” of getting a Lifetime movie out of it.
“but wish I could go back and stress the part about saving yourself for marriage” In the Lifetime movie (pregnancy Pact) one of the MOST outspoken Moms for not allowing birth control or “the talks” in school wound up being one of the Grandma’s. All the stressing in the world won’t matter if they make the choice to go ahead…however it can cause some SERIOUS guilt issues and harm YOUR relationship with the kid if they think you are going to pronounce judgement on them. Go ahead and ask me how I know :)
However the word about PRO LIFE sure is out. I understand (but did not Google it) that abortions were higher in past than they are now. Especially in the 80s. Now I am not saying that I think you should have one…so don’t jump on me….but it would be a factor in Teen Moms counting.
I do think JJ is right. Talk to them. Let them know you’re there for them. When they don’t want to listen — talk anyway! It will get through. Just make sure you tell them about contraceptives too. Also with a girl stress the emo that goes with it. I may get bashed for this but my 10yo has seen some of Secret Life of American Teenager and it really seemed to sink in better than ANYTHING I said about it all. She also say 17 Again and said “Mom they said just what you do” (whoda thunk right?). She was especially impressed with the girl in the movie choosing NOT to be pressured by the boyfriend.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 27th, 2010
2:19 pm
is this an issue about teen pregnancy or unwed teen pregnancy? Apparently since I made the “try the shoes on comment”, I’m part and parcel to the problem. Which I may be.
But I can’t help but wonder if the issue of teen pregnancy also goes hand in hand with waiting to have sex until your married, would everyone feel better if the throngs of teenagers who decided they couldn’t wait to have sex or didn’t want to all went out and got married to the person they wanted to have sex with, would that be a more palatable solution?
I understand the desire by some to have their children wait until marriage to have sex, but you do realize that your just setting yourself up to then want to tell your kid when to get married too, right?
@jd….would you have rather your 18 year old come home and tell you she had sex for the first time, or come home with a ring and tell you she loves the boy, really wanted to have sex with him, was sure he was the one and eloped….and THEN had sex.
Jeff in Roswell
January 27th, 2010
2:20 pm
I’m curious, did any of those programs where the teenagers had to take care of a “baby” (doll) 24/7, do any good? It seems like the program ran for a week or two.
Really
January 27th, 2010
2:26 pm
Jeff in Roswell- do schools really have a program like that? I only ever see it on TV…
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 27th, 2010
2:27 pm
and for the record…my statement about “trying the shoes on”, in context, was about whether or not, in a relationship where I was really thought it could turn into something where I committed the rest of my life to the person, if knowing I was sexually compatible with the person through actually having sex was critical.
It’s not like I advocated walking down the street and asking every woman I was attracted to if I could “try on her shoes”.
Dave
January 27th, 2010
2:32 pm
Have you been to the store lately to try and buy condoms? I’m married, we aren’t currently interested in more children and my wife doesn’t want to use the pill (health reasons). So, I buy condoms.
Many stores have them locked up. Can’t you see a teen-age boy trying to buy them? It’s hard enough to get a box and go to the register to buy them, but if you had to ask a clerk (or pharmacist) to go to the display, open it up and let you pick out a box? Geez.
Make them much easier to buy!
Lori
January 27th, 2010
2:36 pm
Tiger, you try and over simplify things. If you think that most kids who have pre-marital sex would actually get married just to try the sex, then you’re crazy. But, I think you already know that – you just always try to be the “smart-a__” in the conversation. Please take topics like this serious. It’s serious to us.
I’m sure you want your kids to have all the sex they want, but most of us feel differently.
lurker
January 27th, 2010
2:37 pm
Hopefully Tiger also is speaking about grown adults “trying the shoes on” There is a huge difference between 15, 16, 17 and 24, 25, etc….in my opinion
Jeff in Roswell
January 27th, 2010
2:37 pm
@Really – I don’t know – I’m sure some schools have tried it, but I wonder if it just didn’t work? There has to be some study with results.
New Stepmom
January 27th, 2010
2:38 pm
Another interesting topic! My husband and I have had 3 appts. with the perinatologist in the lobby of the Northside Women’s Center. After the last appts. I saw 3 teen moms leave with new babies while my husband went to get the car. The thing that struck me was that all three of these teen moms were white, all of them had their mom and dad with them who were wearing wedding bands, all drove away in very nice cars and only one of them had the father of the baby with them. This really opened my eyes, because I think most of think this is a minority problem or a low income problem or a problem of kids with absentee parents. These three instances completely went against that stereo type.
Being that my husband has a 10yo daughter and her mom has only told her about sex in the last 2 weeks, we have talked a lot about this. I think all of the factors mentioned in the article are culprits, but we are raising a generation of children who have no idea what responsibility and accountability are. They are having sex and getting pregnant because parents have never let these kids fail before. They assume they will not “get caught” and get pregnant or fail because they have never been allowed to before. The other thing is that most everything to this generation of children has to be fun. Church and school both are made to be “fun,” so they figure sex is fun too and it cannot possibly lead to anything.
We have the unfortunate situation of being unable to communicate with my husband’s ex and get on the same page about talking about sex and birth control. I know with our son, we will start talking early and often about sex and birth control and his responsibility to be smart and responsible about all decisions he makes concerning sex. I hope is a wake up call for parents. These young girls that I saw all looked terrified and overwhelmed. The birth of a baby should be wonderful and had these girls waited 10 years to get pregnant it would have been.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 27th, 2010
2:40 pm
@lurker…i was talking about one adult…me.
FCM
January 27th, 2010
2:45 pm
ROFL — Dave I was working in a pharmacy and the teen boy bought then returned a box of condoms – 6 times. I kid you not it was 6 times. I think I was 16 at the time and we had to do returns with carbon copies and lots of handwritten stuff. Not the easy ones you have today. We had to state a reason why they were returned. So the kid buys a box, then walks up an aisle, NEVER leaves the store! He comes back, returns them and says wrong kind or whatever. Like I said 6 times. Finally, (and I admit this was WRONG) my mouth got the better of me he was half way back to the counter (for another return no doubt) and in the toy aisle. I looked up and said “the balloons are half way down third sheld on the right.” When my boss got done laughing his butt off (and he did for a good 10 min) and wiped the tears from his eyes he said “Please never do that again or I will have to fire you.”
Jeff in Roswell
January 27th, 2010
2:45 pm
@ Dave, I didn’t realize some stores locked them up. What is the reasoning for that? Tarjhay and Walmart have them out in the open.
I know this is a little off topic but, I grew up in a small town. Try buying condoms where everyone knows everybody else. My mom got a phone call from the clerk at the store, telling her that I just bought a box of condoms…
Jeff in Roswell
January 27th, 2010
2:47 pm
I forgot to add an important part to the story. I was working and living on my own at the time. LOL!
Hey, Tiger...
January 27th, 2010
2:47 pm
…try as you might to think that you are the only one on here who said the “try on the shoes line”, you are only a legend in your own mind. Minions of those who converse here daily have said/written that line, and I have heard countless others “off-line” say the same thing. but, thanks for adding to another otherwise tough topic – we do appreciate your input.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 27th, 2010
2:50 pm
@Lori…if this is such a complex issue and I’m oversimplifying it…how can anyone take the position of abstinence only where the message is just wait until you’re married.
That’s all…pretty simple, just wait until you’re married. THAT seems pretty simple to me, but as jd (who by all rights seems like a very responsible, well intentioned, fit parent who tried her best to teach this philosophy to her daughter) would attest, doesn’t work even for kids with very nice parents who taught this message.
So if I’m making it sound simple, I’m in good company with those folks who hold a different view.
And please, spare us the personal attacks on what my intentions and desires are for my kid. They cheapen your credibility, objectiveness, and argument.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 27th, 2010
2:53 pm
@Hey Tiger…..my apologies….caught me a little full of myself ;-)
Lori
January 27th, 2010
2:55 pm
@ Tiger – so, are you saying you DON’T want your kids to have sex?
You can’t have it both ways.
Yeah...
January 27th, 2010
2:56 pm
…back in the ’70’s drug stores kept the condoms locked up and you had to ask the pharmacist for them.
Wwhen I was in college I worked at a drug store in Tucker (on Main Street) one summer – one guy came in and asked me for some….and he muttered something that I could not understand – and I am a guy – anyway, when I asked him to repeat it he again muttered so that I still could not understand. After a third try to get what he wanted to buy, and still not understanding, he finally said quite loud, “you know, RUBBERS”. At that point I lost it and just laughed out loud. He did complete his purchase, while I continued laughing, as I am doing now thinking about the poor guy.
Condoms in the Mini-Markets are clearly the way to go since they are not locked up, either, today!
motherjanegoose
January 27th, 2010
3:02 pm
Quick question….is it still a double standard for boys and girls or are parents today perfectly fine with their sons marrying a women who has been tried on by others for 8 or so years ( say 17-25). Just wondering out loud here. I often read, in the advice columns, of men who found out about their wive’s busy past and how it bothers them and makes them wonder who, when, where and how often.
When teens have spent time being responsible for little kids ( work, volunteer and in the neighborhood) they sometimes are more apt to see how much work it is to be in charge of another human being. Not sure if this is the truth but my daughter tells me ( now) she never wants kids because they are way too much work and trouble….LOL. We will see, I hope she changes her mind..when she is 30…haha! She is really great with kids but has been babysitting them for years.
Allie
January 27th, 2010
3:04 pm
All you can do is talk to your kids, educate them, let them know the repercussions of their actions, and then hope you’ve done enough to get the message across.
My parents were very strict and instilled that message in us. While most of my friends were off having sex, I waited (and waited and waited) until I was in my mid-twenties. It was a personal choice, not really one I gave much thought to. I wanted to wait til I was comfortable with my choice and responsible able to deal with any repercussions. I never regretted that decision.
My sister and her then boyfriend (now husband) got pregnant after their engagement and after they’d been living together for years. Not planned, not expected, but they were both in their late 20’s and financially and emotionally stable to take on the responsibility and not rely on our parents.
Kids today though are growing up in a different time – they’re attending sex parties, the girls are wearing different colored bracelets to let the guys know what they’re willing to do, and there’s, no doubt, the peer pressure to contend with.
There’s such a barrage of anti-drug and anti-smoking messages all around us, why not take the same approach with underage & teen sex?
motherjanegoose
January 27th, 2010
3:06 pm
FYI…I thought the old fashioned version of trying the shoes on was
WHY BUY THE COW WHEN YOU CAN GET THE MILK FOR FREE?
Maybe I am really out of touch…..
Speaking of the "baby doll" programs...
January 27th, 2010
3:06 pm
…I love that new commercial where the guy has the watermelon strapped to his stomach and tries doing normal things around the house, knocking stuff off the counter with his “belly”, and spitting on himself while rinsing after brushing his teeth – Classic!
JJ
January 27th, 2010
3:09 pm
If the clerk at the store called me and told me my son had bought condoms, I for one, would be thrilled to know my SON is being responsible.
JJ
January 27th, 2010
3:11 pm
New stepmom – you hit the nail on the head with your statement: “, but we are raising a generation of children who have no idea what responsibility and accountability are.” EXCELLENT!!!!
Jeff in Roswell
January 27th, 2010
3:13 pm
@JJ Well, my Mother told the clerk to mind her own business. It was embarrassing but, I didn’t want kids at that point in my life.
HB
January 27th, 2010
3:15 pm
Jeff, they’re probably a highly shoplifted item. Of course, that could be due to the embarrassment factor too. So locking them up leads to the humiliation of having to ask, but grabbing them off the shelf and handing them over to the cashier may be just as embarrassing for teens, leading to theft.
motherjanegoose
January 27th, 2010
3:17 pm
Oh wow nurse and mother are you joining my chorus of ( frequently) seeing those who are enabled by our government as they continue to breed and have more kids…gotta’ love it!
What will Obama have to say about how he is handling everything….tonight? Can’t wait!
RJ
January 27th, 2010
3:20 pm
Hollywood has made being pregnant, teen or not, completely glamorous and acceptable. If I see another unwed couple “celebrating” the birth of their kid on the front page of a magazine… Then we have Maury and Jerry. If parents don’t teach their kids the media will. My daughter and I have regular talks. I don’t know if she’ll wait for marriage or not. Honestly I don’t expect her to. I just expect her to use sound judgement.
FCM
January 27th, 2010
3:21 pm
“all of them had their mom and dad with them who were wearing wedding bands” or those were not Mom and Dad but Parent and Step Parent. I do think that is a factor sometimes.
“, but we are raising a generation of children who have no idea what responsibility and accountability are.” AMEN SISTER!!!!
I think they lock the condoms up because if they don’t kids open the packs and take a few. Then you lose the whole box to theft.
Conner
January 27th, 2010
3:21 pm
Does anyone else see the correlation of the rise in teen pregnancy after 20 years, and the fact that these girls now have Sarah and Bristol Palin to look up to? Reminder: Bristol got knocked up as a teen too!!
http://www.uncensoredtalk.com/2010/01/thanks-to-bristol-palin-teen-pregnancy-rate-up-for-first-time-since-1990/
JJ
January 27th, 2010
3:23 pm
Buying condoms is no worse than buying feminine supplies…
Back in the day, I used to LOVE to find the youngest male cashier in the store and go to his line to buy my “products”…..just to see the embarrassed look on his face……
I’m so mean……
Jeff in Roswell
January 27th, 2010
3:23 pm
@HB – You’re right!
I find it ironic that the kids will jump through hoops and embarrass themselves in many other ways just to have sex with boy/girl friend, but they can’t subject themselves to the perceived embarrassment of purchasing condoms.
motherjanegoose
January 27th, 2010
3:25 pm
@ JJ…could the reason kids are not responsible or accountable be due to the fact that their parents are hovering over them and never let them experience failure or defeat where they ( the kids) have to clean up their own mess? Or, perhaps they are modeling irresponsible behavior that they observe at home?
I sometimes think folks today are like animals, when it comes to sex. Just thinking in the moment and no thought to long term….is it just me?
I think it is important to know the kids your own kids hang around with on a regular basis. I also want to know something about the parents. My kids have had friends whose parents I adore and then some parents who are fine but their guidelines are not quite in line with mine. We talk about why we do what we do and that each family has their own rules or not.
Of course, by the time they go to college, your job should be done!
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 27th, 2010
3:27 pm
@Lori, I’m saying that I DO want my kid to have sex. Let me repeat that and be VERY CLEAR. I want my child to eventually have sex. Let me qualify that answer to say that when the time comes that he can do it safe, responsibly, with respect to the woman that he is having it with and that respect be mutual, and without pretense or dishonesty, I’ll be ok with him having sex. I do believe there are ages that prohibit him from being capable of reaching that level of maturity. I certainly don’t think he can get there in 15 years. I think 16 is stretching it, but I’ve known very mature 16 year olds who are probably just about mature enough and very immature 25 year olds who shouldn’t be having sex with anyone. Whether he’s married or not, makes no difference to me. That time may come when he’s 16 and single…it may come when he’s 25 and married. I’m more concerned with his state of mind and that he knows exactly what his responsibility is and the certain and potential consequences are. Hopefully, I can help him sort all that out….I’ll try my best.
So Lori…there’s my answer to your question. Do you mind answering the same question?
Jessie
January 27th, 2010
3:28 pm
Yeah Conner, you’re right. Only the Republicans have pre-marital sex.
What an idiot.
Jeff in Roswell
January 27th, 2010
3:28 pm
When I was newly married, my wife asked me to pick up some feminine supplies and I told her “NO WAY!” Haha… now 11 years later, it doesn’t bother me in the least. I guess I can attribute that to maturity. – Did I just say that?
motherjanegoose
January 27th, 2010
3:30 pm
@ Conner…I HATE the term knocked up….sheesh…..
Jesse's Girl
January 27th, 2010
3:31 pm
As much as it would pain me….darn near kill me likely…my children will learn how to use a condom and know PRECISELY how to take a BC pill properly. I do not live in a parental vaccuum. While Jesse and I teach the kids personal resposibility and push the no-sex-until-you’re-married rule….we do understand the mind of a teen. Times may change….but hormones do not. I will take them to a pregnancy crisis center so they can get a real life look at this. They will know exactly what the consequences for sex can be.
JJ
January 27th, 2010
3:33 pm
MJG do you prefer “with child”?
New Stepmom
January 27th, 2010
3:34 pm
JJ and FCM, being that my first parenting experience has been with a 10yo girl, I am constantly amazed by the lack of responsibility and accountability I see as the norm with her and her peers. We are working hard on those two concepts with my step daughter and I am usually seen as the mean and evil step-monster, but I do not care. As my mom used to say “Parenthood is not a popularity contest.”
FCM, you are right that it could have been parents and step parents with these girls, but all of them had present male influences and that used to be cited as a positive in the teen pregnancy issue. The bottom line is, what we saw was not the stereo typical teen mom, but rather what looked “the good girls” and it was eye opening!
Dar
January 27th, 2010
3:36 pm
We can all pray and hope that our children wait for marriage. We can preach it, we can stress it, we can demand it, but once they walk out the door, people, they are ultimately going to do what they want. I am hopeful that my son will heed my advice and want to wait until he is at least 18 and in a strong relationship to have sex. I am also a realist and understand that short of locking him up or putting him in a chastity belt there are going to be pressures, both internal and external, that he may succomb to. That is why I do not stop the message at “don’t have sex until you are physically, mentally, emotionally and financially ready” — I also teach him about “safe” sex. I do not think that explaining how to reduce the risk of pregnancy and STDs encourages him to have sex. To me, it is like drinking. I talk to him about it and as he gets older I will stress that he is not to drink until he is of legal age, but I realize that he might succomb to the temptation so he will also know that if he does he can protect himself by calling me to pick him up rather than drive drunk or ride with someone who is.
motherjanegoose
January 27th, 2010
3:37 pm
@ JJ : PREGNANT is fine with me…..
jd
January 27th, 2010
3:39 pm
Tiger’s correct in saying the “wait” word just won’t work with our teens. I just searched my mind wondering when I was talking to her about safe sex, pregnancy etc. if I had actually stressed how important it is to give it to the one you love and that it’s something you can’t get back. I still don’t know if I did just that and wish I could recall that part of all my speaches. I really don’t think it would have mattered to me had she been 30 or older, it still hurt to hear it and it makes you look at your little girls so much differently. This is all very recent for me so I’ve still not came to grips with it. All I can say is do the best you can as parents, expect the worst and be thankful for the best.
oneofeach4me
January 27th, 2010
3:40 pm
I agree with Heather Boonstra as far as it being a complex and multifold issue with one of the issues being condom use. My 16 yr old sister got pregnant by her boyfriend (whom she is still with), had a baby, quit school, re-entered school, graduated, as is now attending college. I am not condoning teen pregnancy by any means, I am just trying to point out that life for teen mother’s doesn’t end. If they want, they can continue on it just takes more initiative for them.
That said, I remember her telling me about the bracelets, sex parties, sexting, ect that went on in High School. I also know that LOTS of her friends have had STDs at age 15, some earlier, which is a sure sign that we have bigger problems than sex before marriage. And the “Teen Mom” show.. let me just tell you that most 16 year old’s glorify this show and don’t see the struggles. They see fame… I’m just sayin.
All we can do as parent’s is talk to our kids, teach them, show them, and be open to them so they trust us when it’s time to talk. If my daughter is having sex, I am not going to ignore it or sit around in disbelief. We are going to the OB and she is going on BC and will have her own condoms to carry around. Oh, and FYI whenever my 6 month old nephew is around, she is on baby duty as much as possible.
I too had sex before marriage and didn’t have my first child until I was 24. So the argument of “sex before marrigage” is NOT going to cure this as a whole. It’s gonna take alot more than that.
FCM
January 27th, 2010
3:42 pm
@ Connor — explain Jamie Lynn Spears…that was BEFORE the campaigning by Palin
New Stepmom
January 27th, 2010
3:43 pm
MJG, you hit the nail on the head!!!!! THe helicopter parenting that occurs today is astonishing and it is leading to disaster. I have a close friend who is a PhD psychologist that works on a large college campus. Her job is to counsel freshman who are failing, but were extrememly successful in high school. She says most of them that are failing are doing so because of lack of life skills, not lack of intellect. They have never failed before and when they make their first “F” in college they completely shut down and have no coping skills to pick themselves up and get on the right track.
My husband and I have read and re-read the following article that was in TIME magazine: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1940395,00.html
He leaned toward helicopter parenting when we married and his ex-wife personifies the term. Seeing himself in this article and the results they were speaking of has set him down a new path and although it kills us to let failure occur, it is helping my step-daughter tremendously. This is a great read for any new parent or new step parent and I think has great insight into this topic.
nurse&mother
January 27th, 2010
3:49 pm
I agree with Dave, don’t lock up the condoms. I hear it’s because they are often stolen.
jd
January 27th, 2010
3:51 pm
And Tiger, it didn’t bother me nearly as bad with my son as it did with daughter. Just something about your little girls that you don’t want to change. If my memory is correct, my son was 16 when his dad caught him with the 18 year old babysitter (for his little sis). Although I was extremely pizzed at both of them and called her mother right away, my feelings just weren’t stung as bad as they are now.
Julia
January 27th, 2010
3:53 pm
Dar, hey you.
FCM – how are you doing.
MGJ – hope you had a good weekend.
Young girls with the wedding bands on. I bet several of them do wear them just do people do not think what they come across as…..
motherjanegoose
January 27th, 2010
3:54 pm
@ newstepmom…or they might be failing because Momma and Daddy are not there organizing their notes or helping them study for their college tests.
I said it last week, both of mine got into UGA ‘early action’ and they filled out the applications all by themselves. I did not even LOOK at them, so I have no idea what they put on the application.
My son is in Pharmacy school and my daughter will be a freshman next year, we will see how that goes.
They are by no means perfect kids but I have been forthright with them and allowed them to suffer the consequences when they messed things up for themselves. Sometimes they had to learn a hard lesson for themselves.
Julia
January 27th, 2010
3:55 pm
Conner it does seem to me that only a democratic president was behind sex with a cigar… JUST sayin!
New Stepmom
January 27th, 2010
3:58 pm
MJG, that was her main point, no life skills because mom and dad have done it all. My step daughter did not let us know anything about ordering girl scout cookies this year. We rec’d a note from the cookie mom the night orders were due asking us if we were placing an order. My husband made the decision to order no cookies because his daughter did not ask us about it and it was her responsibility. It stinks to do that because we wanted cookies and it would have helped her troup, but he decided it was a lesson learner and hopefully would lead to more responsibility and accountability in the future.
I am so glad to hear your stories about letting your kids do things themselves. It helps me to hear about the successful result!
motherjanegoose
January 27th, 2010
4:00 pm
@ Julia….2 1/2 hours on the tarmac, IN a plane, DFW . Then 3 hours back in the terminal and back on the plane to fly home to Atlanta and then spend 30 minutes waiting in the plane here as there were no open gates.
The airport here was closed due to the tornado. Back to Houston this week and I DO NOT want to repeat that adventure…..LOL.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 27th, 2010
4:00 pm
@jd….I feel for you! For what it’s worth, it sounds like you did a really good job. Just from the little I read I think you can trust that your daughter took all of your advice to heart and made a very reasoned and thought out decision. In any other walk of life, we’d admire that quality in our kids. Don’t let the sex part of this equation cloud your vision of that.
Dar
January 27th, 2010
4:02 pm
Hi, Julia. Hope you are well. Just FYI – I haven’t looked at my son’s online grades since the new marking period started. You have certainly done well to encourage me to back off a little bit.
I am torn about the sale of condoms. I agree that they should not be locked up or require that you get someone to retrieve them from behind a counter, but I do think that a little bit of embarrassment when buying them is a good thing and perhaps being able to get through that is a sign that the young man is maturing.
Julia
January 27th, 2010
4:04 pm
MJG, you poor thing. No that is not an adventure I would want at all…
JATL
January 27th, 2010
4:05 pm
@MJG -why buy the whole pig when all you wanted was a little sausage? YES -you’re out of touch on this subject! I’m 40 and I saw the last vestiges of the double standard fade during my high school years. Quite honestly “are parents today perfectly fine with their sons marrying a women who has been tried on by others for 8 or so years ( say 17-25).” is DEEPLY offensive to women and girls. “Tried on”? REALLY? That’s a disturbing and disgusting analogy. I hope both of my boys will live with their future wives before marriage. I lived with my husband prior to marriage and always said I would NEVER marry without living together first. After all -for another analogy -I’m not buying a car without test-driving it (although it’s a lot easier and less painful to get rid of a car you don’t like). I will agree with you that it doesn’t need to be so easy for teen PARENTS to have babies and continue to have babies.
Parents MUST talk, talk, talk to their teens and EDUCATE!!!! Our public schools need to tell the abstinence crowd it’s NOT working and provide detailed appropriate sex ed BEFORE puberty starts as well as condoms. If people don’t like it, they can home school or send their kids to a Christian private school. Of course it all goes back to instilling your values AT HOME and letting the school teach basic information. People keep getting sex ed and morality all screwed up -sex ed doesn’t mean anyone is doing anything immoral -it’s just the facts about sex! Does anyone really think kids who want to have sex aren’t going to? Do you think availability of condoms at schools will make kids who have decided to wait go ahead? NO, but it may prevent a few pregnancies and some STDs! And parents, when I say talk, I mean educate and give all sides. Don’t just tell your kids to keep their legs closed and zippers zipped -it doesn’t work a lot of the time!
motherjanegoose
January 27th, 2010
4:10 pm
Oh wow jd:
“If my memory is correct, my son was 16 when his dad caught him with the 18 year old babysitter (for his little sis).”
Was that WHILE you were paying her to watch your daughter ? I CANNOT fathom it.
@newstepmom…glad you like my “sidewalk stories”. I have listened intently to others who had children, to be admired, and now I can share a few stories myself.
NOT ALL of my stories have a happy ending….trust me on this one. You do the best you can and try to listen to others who have “been there…done that…” with good results.
No one has answered the question in my 3:02 post.
Tiger. are you o.k. with your son marrying a girl who has been tried on by guys for 8 years?
My son is almost 23 and I would not be too thrilled but I am old fashioned.
Julia
January 27th, 2010
4:17 pm
MJG I do have ? for you… if your son was 16 – why was he not just watching his sister for you? :)…
I will not be asking the question how many boys have your gf slept with. As much as I can see this from an STD stand point, that just like getting knocked up only takes once.
motherjanegoose
January 27th, 2010
4:18 pm
O.K….there you go new stepmom…I am way out of touch it seems….LOL. Perhaps you will want to consider this in regards to any future advice or tales I tell.
I will take the cue and will leave it to the many experts today, who have kids under 14!
I was just going with the term Tiger used. I do not believe I was the one who initiated the term.
Have fun all!
motherjanegoose
January 27th, 2010
4:20 pm
@ Julia…this is what JD said in her 3:51 post about HER son….see for yourself.
You are correct, my son would have been watching his sister…if he were home, and not visiting with a babysitter I paid for…to be sure…
Julia
January 27th, 2010
4:22 pm
Dar I dont know what county you are in.. but in cherokee they do not update them like they should so it may look like the kid has not turned it in or just got a zero on it.. This happened to us last year and I really about had a stroke every day.. it was all I could do to not choke the child :)…
Today is his 14th birthday and the kid has been sick as a dog all week. Dr said it was viral so no meds… He does feel better finally :)
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 27th, 2010
4:23 pm
@MJG….yeah, I’m ok with it. I think there is a lot of discovery that happens in youth, not the least of which is sexual discovery. And I’m not going to apply a negative judgement to the woman who loves my son and who my son loves back for being sexually active (aka tried on) since she was a young adult. I’m under no illusions that my son will be a virgin when he gets married. If he ends up being the kind, nice, warm hearted young man that he is exhibiting himself to be as an almost 6 year old, then I would think there was something wrong with her for holding his sexual past against him. So to hold that against her would make me pretty big hypocrite. What I care about when it comes to sex and his relationship is that they are both honest with each other and accepting of each other and their pasts. If they can’t do that…then it’s a problem for THEM and I would have reservations. But if what they want to know about each other is all out on the table and they have HALF the feelings that I have for my son’s mom….then I’m happy for them and support them unconditionally.
Julia
January 27th, 2010
4:25 pm
my blond today must be working over time… I saw that and it confused me but today everything confuses me :).. that is why I asked.. why was he not watching her, it could have saved you money and his virginity :).
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 27th, 2010
4:28 pm
@mjg….quick question….just how are you going to know the nature of your sons future brides sexual activity?
No Way
January 27th, 2010
4:33 pm
I believe “talking” to kids won’t do anything. Show me a 15 year’s old who does not know that having sex can result in pregnancy? Everyone knows about BC pills and prevention methods – tvs run ads every day.
I think statistics are higher because kids know that parents will do anything for them. It is a “custom me” and “fun” generation with little responsibility and respect to others and themselves. My friend’s neighbor’s daughter got pregnant at 15, so her mom adopted the child. Currently girl is 17 and partying, while her mother is raising little one because she thinks that life for her daughter must be “fun”. WTF? Parents are way too easy on the kids now days.
All my mother did is looked at me and said: if you get pregnant it means you made a decision to be self sufficient adult and support others. It means you are ready to move out of the house and be on your own. Boy did I think about it many times and I KNEW this is what is waiting for me if I choose to go that route.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 27th, 2010
4:35 pm
@mjg….I have another question for you MJG…..are you going to be disappointed if your son doesn’t marry a virgin?
Julia
January 27th, 2010
4:36 pm
I am 44 years old and a very good friend of mine got pregnant TWICE in high school. Now she has 3 girls with probably 10 grand kids. All of her girls got pregnant in their teens. I would hoped that she would have taught her girls how hard life was for her but no… Sometimes the apple does not fall from the tree… She is now raising all her grand kids too.
Dar
January 27th, 2010
4:42 pm
I would prefer that my son not get married too young, but rather that he wait until after college and he has at least a toe-hold in his chosen career. For that reason, I suspect that the woman he chooses will not be a virgin. Do I want him to date the girl who has slept with the entire HS football team? Um, no, but it is the lack of good judgment and not the fact that she is sexually active that would turn me off on that one.
Julia
January 27th, 2010
4:44 pm
LOL Dar – there is one of those in every high school :)
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 27th, 2010
4:45 pm
@ALL BLOGGERS….quick straw poll…who among us was a virgin when they got married?
I’m giving odds that we don’t exceed five.
No Way
January 27th, 2010
4:52 pm
Ok Tiger – i am in the not a virgin pile.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 27th, 2010
4:56 pm
@Dar and Julia…here’s the rub on that scenario. Bad judgement and learning from those experiences is a critical factor to youth. Let’s take sex out of the question…Oprah admitted to using crack in her early 20’s. Andre Agassi used meth. I’m sure we all know someone who is generally a good person who was popped for a DUI, which is really a serious act of bad judgement with such far reaching, devastating consequences. And most of, but for the Grace of God, committed the crime but never got caught. There are so many worse things done by really good people in our lives who we have given a second chance to unconditionally. But the minute the offensive act is a sexual one, where no crime was committed and we apply our moral and spiritual judgement to, that person becomes someone not worthy of the love of a relative of ours. Really, I can’t imagine thinking to myself,
“I really think this girl is nice and a good person, and she really seems to make my son happy and he seems so in love, but she got a few DUI’s in high school almost a decade ago, and even though she seems to have learned her lesson and straightend out since, I still don’t think he shouldn’t marry her.”
Yet there are so many here who wouldn’t think that with the DUI scenario, but replace “got a few DUI’s” with “was pretty sexually active” and it’s a deal breaker.
Where is the compassion?
Dar
January 27th, 2010
4:57 pm
Well, not the first time, Tiger….and definitely not the second time. And I am currently living in sin with the one who will be the third if I will just give in to his begging, so I guess I am one of those girls who has been tried on a few too many times. :)
Dar
January 27th, 2010
5:01 pm
Mine is the reverse, Tiger. I am a pretty forgiving person when it comes to youthful indiscretion, but I would forgive the girl who slept with the football team before I would forgive the one who drove drunk (whether she got caught or not). I did some things as a kid too, and I think some of them were probably illegal, but I never did anything that risked anyone’s life except my own. The girl who sleeps with the team likely has some pretty severe emotional issues — the one who drives drunk is just a selfish entitled brat.
Uconn
January 27th, 2010
5:03 pm
Hmmm…. Since my mom doesn’t read this, I will NOT be a virgin when I get married in 30 days (shameless “me” plug) considering we live together… As for the cow and milk for free… Go to a bar at closing… It is a dairy aisle …
Really
January 27th, 2010
5:05 pm
I am not in the virgin pile…better yet, how old were you when you lost your virginity?? 18 here (was with him for three years before “doing it”), got married at 30 (not to him).
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 27th, 2010
5:07 pm
Wow…5 may have been an optimistic guess.
Really
January 27th, 2010
5:10 pm
congrats Uconn! I think living together is a must before marriage…
Uconn
January 27th, 2010
5:13 pm
@really .. Thanks! I am so EXCITED to get married to my fiance … Living together does help because there were things he did (and I am sure I got on his nerves) that I had to decide if I could live with that.. And turns out, I can and he can live with my quirks… better to find out before marriage and kids!
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 27th, 2010
5:25 pm
@UCONN…congrats and thanks for the dairy ailse chuckle. Having been there done that in the living together scenario prior to my 15 year (and running) marriage…trust me…there is PLENTY of stuff you guys will still learn about each other!!!
FCM
January 27th, 2010
5:29 pm
My friend’s neighbor’s daughter got pregnant at 15, so her mom adopted the child. Currently girl is 17 and partying, while her mother is raising little one because she thinks that life for her daughter must be “fun” I had a SIL who had a baby at 19. Her mother took care of the boy while SIL went out with her friends and stuff. He spent all his summers with Grandma, most of his days, in fact the Grandparents got guardianship of the child. I absolutely agree with you WTH????????? I guess I should not have been surprised that their son (whom I married) had a similar attitude of responsibilty toward our children huh?
I will say SIL is reaping heaps of what she sowed. She and her husband (not the father) had full custody of the child even as a toddler but he still spent tons of time, weekends, summers, etc with Grandma. The parents started to try and impose rules on him and so forth about the time he was 13 (he’s an adult now) and shocking his family (but not me) he rebelled like crazy!!!!! Half the time they don’t know what he is up too.
FCM
January 27th, 2010
5:30 pm
oh and neither of us was virgins when we married. both were in 30s when we had kids.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 27th, 2010
5:31 pm
my gosh…just a bunch of sinner sinner sinners in this blog! ;-) No wonder I love it here!
No Way
January 27th, 2010
5:39 pm
FCM – i think this is exactly why we have more increases in teen’s pregancy. Teen sex and preganancy is becoming a norm and parents just acepting it as “one more thing to deal with”. Kids KNOW that mommy or daddy with find the solution and will take care of everything just because “they are our children”.
deidre_NC
January 27th, 2010
6:20 pm
both of my younger kids had the keep the baby for the weekend thing…its a fake baby that registers when it cries-how long it takes you to make it stop crying..you have to feed it…change it etc….it doesnt work because the parents take care of it..i made mine take care of theirs…i didnt babysit it ..they had to take it everywhere and do everything…one of my dauighters friends brother shook hers and it had brain damage and she got a 0 on the project..so no its a joke really…most of the kids-nor the parents take it seriously….
catlady
January 27th, 2010
6:31 pm
Why? Lack of parental involvement and supervision, first and foremost. FEw girls get pregnant from sex with their parent in the room.
Cultural/family acceptance of pregnancy.
Lack of shame placed on teenaged pregnancy.
In addition, the list cited is good.
Lack of information is low on the list, IMHO.
FCM
January 27th, 2010
8:10 pm
@ No Way I agree with you. Yes my kids spend a good bit of time with their grandparents. They also spend a great deal of time with me. I am raising my “babies” and pray I do it right.
DB
January 27th, 2010
11:44 pm
I find it absolutely astonishing that out of one side of the mouth, people can prattle on about “talking to their kids” and “taking responsibility”, and yet, on the other side, say they see nothing wrong with living with someone before marriage — and not only don’t see anything wrong with it, but would actively encourage it.
Living with a man or a woman before marriage is NOT what I want for my daughter or son. Living together is a whole different dynamic than getting to know someone and then committing to build a life together. People are often too selfish and self-centered for many of these “living together” arrangements to work out into long-term relationships/marriage — it’s too easy to live with someone and get annoyed by the slightest thing — and NOT try to work it out, because, hey, there’s no commitment. When a woman agrees to live with a man, it’s usually because, in her mind, the next step is obviously marriage. When a man agrees to live with a woman, in his mind, he’s usually trying to find a reason NOT to marry. How many times have you seen the couple “living together” for several years that peters out because it becomes obvious that he doesn’t WANT to get married? There is no incentive to make a marriage work.
As I told my kids, I didn’t see why any woman would agree to live with a man without benefit of marriage, because in such relationships, the woman ends up with all the responsibilities of marriage, but none of the protections or benefits. And, heck, same for men, but let’s face it, the men don’t get pregnant.
I realize this is hopelessly old fashioned. As I have discussed with my kids, they should think long and hard about having sex with someone until they are absolutely sure of several things: 1) that they are physically, emotionally and financially able to care for a baby on their own, and 2) that they know the person they choose to have sex so well that they won’t look back on it and think, “What the hell was I thinking?”, and 3) the person who you choose to have sex with is someone you wouldn’t be embarrassed to introduce to your parents.
Blah — rant over. I know this position will not be popular and will be sneered at. But it IS a strong dose of setting expectations, combined with open discussion and making sure that they, as young adults, realize how their actions have consequences.
One day, a few years ago, I was getting some guff from my son over his driving. I had taken his license for a month, because I had caught him exceeding the speed limit. He assured me, with all the cockiness of a then-17-year-old, that “nothing was going to happen to HIM.” At that point, I added another month to his penalty, and I pointed out that he had NO CONTROL over the actions of other people. He might be in a wreck or lose control of the car, and he might survive, but the one thing he did NOT want to live with was the guilt of killing another human being. Or perhaps he’d rather survive as a quadraplegic, in a motorized wheelchair for the rest of his shortened life — put it this way, would he rather RUN in the Peachtree Road Race? Or would he rather be one of the patients wheeled out to the street from Shepherd Spinal Center to simply watch?
ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES. I don’t know how many times I have repeated that mantra. I’ll probably be muttering it on my death-bed.
Teen pregnancies are up, but WHY? | A Blog for Busy Moms - MOMania Male Me
January 28th, 2010
12:04 am
[...] the original here: Teen pregnancies are up, but WHY? | A Blog for Busy Moms – MOMania tags: 12-year-police, allegedly-grabbing, been-parents, bottom-line, fcm, from-the-lgbt, [...]
mail order condoms
January 28th, 2010
12:10 am
http://shop.ebay.com/?_from=R40&_trksid=p3907.m38.l1313&_nkw=condoms&_sacat=See-All-Categories
Dixie Darling
January 28th, 2010
2:51 am
Not only do kids (both boys as well as girls) need to see what “real life” would be for them if they make a baby, but they need to realize that their lives as kids are OVER and now they have to learn the responsibility that comes with making babies – not just the “how cute” the baby is but the whole bit of dirty diapers, crying and screaming babies, throw-ups all over you, the nasty smells when you don’t bathe the baby, trying to pay for diapers and baby food and clothes and forgetting your own self while you tend to baby. Boys have just as much responsibility in taking care of the baby he helped make. I just hope the girl knows which boy made the baby — oh yeah — they have DNA tests now so the boy cannot escape — now he has to find money somehow because he has to pay for supporting the baby as well as help care for it.
Reality — reality — reality! That is what might possibly make some girls and boys think twice before they f–k! It ain’t like the movies or tv shows or what they hear from kids that have done “it” — they need to THINK about “it” and the consequences. It is not like playing “doctor and nurse” or playing “house” — having SEX is real time and Big Time and you NEVER return to being “innocent” again — no matter what your age! Ask anyone of those kids who are now mommies and daddies!
ScienceTeacher671
January 28th, 2010
6:09 am
If you don’t work with the teens who tend to get pregnant, you’d be surprised at how few teen pregnancies are “accidents”. Teens PLAN their pregnancies for a variety of reasons – they want a baby to play with and love, they think it will get them attention, they think it’s a good way to keep their boyfriend, etc. Sex education is NOT the answer.
To change the teen pregnancy rate, the culture will have to change and teen pregnancy will have to be seen as less acceptable, and perhaps more stigmatized.
Tweets that mention Teen pregnancies are up, but WHY? | A Blog for Busy Moms - MOMania -- Topsy.com
January 28th, 2010
7:12 am
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by PregnantMom, Gigi Formusa, Anna Rich, Biz Women, Lisa Perez and others. Lisa Perez said: Teen pregnancies are up, but WHY? http://bit.ly/aaW4iE [...]
Betsy
January 28th, 2010
8:25 am
Again, Tiger proves he’s an atheist and doesn’t believe in God or the sanctity of human decency. All he cares about is doing stuff that feels good.
Enjoy it now Tiger, cause you’ll burn forever.
Active Duty Mom
January 28th, 2010
8:32 am
Nurse and Mother, I hear you! In the military hospital where I work, we have quite a few young mothers coming in to L&D and unfortunately some of the infants coming into the NICU. Regarding the infant simulator mentioned earlier, it is called “Baby Think It Over” (web link to product here: http://www.realityworks.com/realcare/realcarebaby.html) and it was used successfully at one base that I worked at overseas. We implemented it with the younger sailors, since there was a large incidence of unintended pregnancies among that population back in 2000-2001 and since you cannot obtain an abortion in a military hospital, most of the younger sailors kept the baby. The program was a great success and it was then implemented in the high school on base. What was scary though was seeing the number of infant simulators who had registered that the simulator was shaken. There is also a great book that my parents gave me and that I have provided to my kids called “Changing Bodies, Changing Lives”, by Ruth Bell which goes over just about everything associated with puberty and adolescence, including changes that are occurring in your body, contraception, HIV/AIDS, homosexuality, what to do if you are sexually assaulted, what your choices are if you do become pregnant, etc. in a no-nonsense way. Regarding the show “Teen Mom”, I would like to see these same girls who kept their children filmed 2 years from now when the cute cuddly baby has changed into a screaming toddler, complete with full-blown temper tantrums. With many of the TV programs and movies that are produced about teen pregnancy there seems to be more emphasis on the cute baby stage and not as much with the toddler/pre-school/school age part that lasts much longer and is more demanding and expensive.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 28th, 2010
9:54 am
Awwww Betsy…you’re so cute in how much you enjoy the thought of me burning in hell.
TechMom
January 28th, 2010
11:47 am
To say the matter of teen pregnancy is caused by one or two issues is absurd. It happens for a lot of reasons. I had my son at 16 and wish I could come up with a great reason for why I chose to have sex @15. I honestly can’t give you one. I was an honor student, over-achiever, popular but not overly popular, didn’t come from a rich or poverty-stricken family, my step-dad was in the military, my mom talked to me about sex from the time I was in elementary (as soon as I asked questions), she always said I should wait until I’m done with college but never pushed it from a religious point, she was not a teen mom (she had my brother and I in her 20s after she got married). I knew getting pregnant was a risk but didn’t really think it would happen to me (kind of like getting struck by lightning, sure it can happen but is it really going to happen to me?) I knew not one personally who had been a teen mom and it certainly wasn’t glamorized (mid-90s) at the time. I had been babysitting since I was 11 and had no desire to have a baby and in fact had even told my mom the year before I got pregnant that I wasn’t even sure if I ever wanted kids. I wasn’t “in love” and didn’t even intend to have sex. It was like the situation presented itself and I didn’t really know how to say no. We’d had sex a couple of times before and then I told him I didn’t want to do it anymore. [I obviously wasn’t impressed.] Several months past and I even broke up with the boy. But it so happened that we were alone and the opportunity presented itself and I didn’t say no.
Was there something my parents could have done to prevented me from having sex? The only thing I have ever been able to come up with would have been to help keep me busy with other activities and things that would not have involved the boy. I had too much free time that summer.
Clueless
January 28th, 2010
12:05 pm
When you have unwed mothers working as teachers, coaches, and paraprofessionals in our schools – role models, so to speak – what do you expect?
jd
January 28th, 2010
3:38 pm
mgm – He had a summer job and came in early that day but either way, I wouldn’t have trusted him to care for a 6 and 4 year old at that age nor would I have putten him in that position. I had the children and it was my responsibility, not his.
jd
January 28th, 2010
3:38 pm
And Tiger, thank you, you have a pardon from hell :)
JATL
January 28th, 2010
4:27 pm
@DB -you know, just because you don’t think it works doesn’t mean it doesn’t work -right? My husband and I lived together for 2 years and have been married for 10. I guess we have no incentive to make a marriage work, huh? I WANT my kids to live with someone first to make sure they’re compatible in all the ways you need to be to live together successfully -financially, sexually, housekeeping, etc.
Tiger needs me on his PR team
January 28th, 2010
7:03 pm
@jd…Not if Betsy is standing watch that day! but you’re welcome, none the less :-)
fk
January 28th, 2010
7:31 pm
you can talk, talk, talk, but you just don’t know for certain if they hear you. if we are successful parents, our kids will be exposed to outside influences other than just family. that doesn’t mean they succumb to them, but they might. we can’t control who they fall for or their emotions, especially when they’re away from us. let’s face it, there is the curiosity factor and sex is in their faces from a very early age, everywhere they go or to whatever it is they tune in to. we guide them to the best of our abilities, and hope and pray a lot once they’ve taken flight. i think it’s unrealistic to expect that most of these kids won’t have sex before marriage. i think a good & frequent discussion includes the parental point of view, but also responsibility, accountability & preparedness. when the opportunity does present itself, seriously, who is thinking clearly? a lot of times, it happens without a plan, so, at the very least, be prepared. if you expect them to come to you to talk about being ready for sex, by time they do that, they’ve probably already experienced it, imo. i’m neither encouraging nor condemning here, i just want my kid, & everyone else’s, to be safe and have a long & happy life.
mom of three precious kids
February 7th, 2010
10:01 pm
I only want to say that i have read the post and i agree and disagree.
I myself was a teen mother having my first daughter at 18. My husband and I were engaged but did not marry until the next year,four months from having our second child. Now three years and one more child later(the last may I mention)we are still together and taking care of our little ones the best we know how without government assistance. I will as a mother be there to listen and advise my children to the best of my abilities. We both are very big on our kids knowing they can come to us with anything, big or small. I plan to teach waiting using our situation as example. While we love and respect each other, i work two jobs and am a full-time student aspiring to finish and become a dentist and he a mechanic. We are both so tired that we often get upset not meaning too. Do we regret our kids? No. Wish we would have waited absolutely!
mom of three precious kids
February 7th, 2010
10:16 pm
But i do feel that there is something wrong with our system. I feel that we enable girls to have as many kids as they can and we will still give out assistance like its going out of style. For instance i have a relative who has four kids with four different dads and no job. There is something wrong with that picture. She is able to work just like i am and until this recession had no excuse not to be working. We worry how we will put ours through college and how we will be able to afford cars. Do people not think of things as this when deciding to keep having children. While i am thinking of this i should add little keelan our baby, was concieved while using Depo. (a form of birth-control)
PS
February 10th, 2010
12:46 pm
First and foremost, it is time for us to get our kids in church and stay in church! This worldly act of pregnancy outside of marriage has to be taught. They need to know the foundation of life. Many adults wonder around aimlessly because they are trying to operate in the world without a clue. Life will issue out its set of problems, but when armed with the right weapons, the problems can be resolved. Stop telling kids its okay to have sex outside of marriage. Because of this miscommunication, our children are in trouble. The Bible is our handbook for living, and when we go against that, the world as we know will continue to be upside down. If we continue to promote sin, the world will continue to erupt.