Teen pregnancies are up, but WHY?

The big news yesterday was that the U.S. teen pregnancy rate rose in 2006 for the first time in more than a decade, reversing a long slide.

According to Reuters: “The overall teen pregnancy rate was up 3 percent in 2006, with a 4 percent rise in the rate of births and a 1 percent rise in the rate of abortions, according to the report by the Guttmacher Institute.”

But the questions for today are: Why is the rate up? And what can parents do to stop their daughter from becoming a statistic?

There are many interesting theories floating around as to why the increase in teen pregnancy. Here is a sampling:

Larry Finer, Guttmacher’s director for domestic research, said in a telephone interview with Reuters: “We’re not quite sure yet whether this is just a blip or whether it’s the beginning of a longer upward trend. It’s interesting to note that this flattening out of the rate and the increase in the rate is happening at the same time that we’ve seen substantial increases in funding for abstinence-only programs.”

“We do know that when we saw the big decline in the ’90s, that a lot of that decline was due to improved contraceptive use among teens.”

From the U.S News and World Report:

” ‘This new study makes it crystal clear that abstinence-only sex education for teenagers does not work,’ Cecile Richards, president of Planned Parenthood, said in an E-mailed statement. ‘It should serve as a wake-up call to anyone who still believes that teenagers aren’t sexually active or that abstinence-only programs curb the rate of teen pregnancy.’ She’s happy that President Obama eliminated abstinence-only education funding and has instead set aside $100 million for comprehensive sex education programs to prevent teen pregnancies.”

However from the same story another quote:

“Valerie Huber of the National Abstinence Education Association told the Washington Post that she blamed the increase on ‘an oversexualized culture, lack of involved and positive role models, and the dominant message that teen sex is expected and without consequences.’ ” …

“But Heather Boonstra, Guttmacher’s senior public policy associate, tells me the reasons for the increase are probably complex and multifold. ‘We’ve been seeing declines in contraceptive use,’ she says, probably at least in part because of complacency about the HIV virus that fueled a rise in condom use among teens in the 1990s. She also says teen pregnancy seems to be more acceptable in many American towns and cities as teens flock to blockbuster movies like Juno (which positively portrays a pregnant teen) and see pregnant peers in their classes, something that was rare several decades ago.Decline in contraceptive use – people less afraid of AIDS – Also believe the pregnancies could be the result of domestic violence in dating relationships.”

Another possible reason: domestic abuse that results in pregnancy. One-third of teens say they’ve been in an abusive relationship at some point.

The second part to this equation is what do parents do now that the number is rising? How can you prevent you daughter from becoming pregnant?

My 8-year-old has recently become very interested in pregnancy outside of marriage, and I think we will be having the sex talk pretty soon. She’s not understanding why some women are married when they have kids (we were married for seven years, I think, before we had her) and others are not. (She caught a few scenes of MTV’s “Teen Mom” one night after I feel asleep and was very interested in that show. She also saw on TLC’s “Say Yes to the Dress” a woman trying on her wedding dress announcing she was pregnant. She’s very curious about how you control this.)

I actually think the “Teen Mom” series is a very good deterrent for teens. It shows just how much having that cute baby changes your world. You can’t go out. You’re You can’t finish your education. You’re stuck in many cases with the loser guy that knocked you up. I think it does a good job showing the harsh reality of life after that one night of passion.

I also found this other article in U.S. News and World Report talking about eight personality and behavioral traits that were associated with both abstinence and academic achievement.

Here’s the list from Bernadine Healy, M.D.:

“But maybe it’s more. The researchers identified eight personality and behavioral traits that were associated with both abstinence and academic achievement—traits that to some extent may be inborn but can also be taught and reinforced regularly at home and at school:

  1. Future orientation, with a focus on long-term goals
  2. Willingness to postpone current pleasures for larger future rewards
  3. Perseverance, as in the ability to stick to a task or commitment
  4. A belief that current behavior can positively affect the future
  5. Impulse control, including ability to control emotions and desires
  6. Resistance to peer influence
  7. Respect for parental and social values
  8. Sense of self-worth and personal dignity”

So what do you think: Why do you think the pregnancy rate has ticked up? What methods or teachings will help keep your daughter out of this situation?

114 comments Add your comment

Julia

January 27th, 2010
1:16 pm

I have had the talk with the boy and I have flat told him. The last thing you want is having your first job to pay child support.

jd

January 27th, 2010
1:20 pm

I just recently was told by my 18 year old that she had sex for the first time with her boyfriend of three years. Needless to say, although she’s of age, it caught me off guard and broke my heart. I thought I’d had all the talks and guess I did pretty good since she waited that long but wish I could go back and stress the part about saving yourself for marriage. Not that it may have mattered, but I wish I had of.

I don't think that...

January 27th, 2010
1:24 pm

movies like “Juno” and those about the pregnancy pact made by those New England teens help at all with this issue (there was even an episode on “Bones” (TV) that had this as the plot.

But, I have not a clue as to how to curb the enthusiasm for sex at a young age, especially when we have most of the regular bloggers on site talk about how young they were when they had sex or that they like to “try on shoes” before buying them, too.

Again, not meaning to be “judgmental”, as I have no clue as to what to do!!!!

JJ

January 27th, 2010
1:39 pm

TALK TO YOUR KIDS!!!!!!! Discuss the ramifications of sex. Ask them if they are ready to have a baby……..how would they handle being a parent at 17? TALK TO THEM!!!!!!!

Keep the lines of communication open. Talk openly about it. Don’t wait for them to come to you. I have been talking to my kid about sex since she was 8 years old…….

And don’t think that by educating them about birth control that you are giving them permission to have sex. THEY ALREADY ARE!!!!!!!

Parents are failing their kids. They look to us for advice. They NEED us!!!!!!! Damnit stand up and be a parent!!!!!

nurse&mother

January 27th, 2010
1:50 pm

It’s not really a sex issue. Teens have been having premarital sex since WWII (and before). BUT what has changed is that there is no longer a stigma attached to it. AND as importantly, there are so many entitlement programs that enable the lower socioeconomic status to continue to stay on such programs. Trust me, I see this everyday that I show up to L&D. If you don’t believe me, just hang out in your local maternity dept of the hospital. I’m guessing such folks are all over the country (but probably more in the south).

nurse&mother

January 27th, 2010
1:52 pm

Not to say that only lower socioeconomic girls get pregnant, but based on my daily observation, there is a much higher percentage. I’m sure I will get slammed for stating the obvious, however. It is not always politically correct to be state the truth. (another one of the country’s problems – a topic for another day, perhaps, Theresa)

FCM

January 27th, 2010
2:15 pm

“there is no longer a stigma attached to it. AND as importantly, there are so many entitlement programs that enable the lower socioeconomic status to continue to stay on such programs.” AMEN SISTER!!!

“pregnancy pact made by those New England teens” Just the pact itself points to an issue then we can go into the “galmour” of getting a Lifetime movie out of it.

“but wish I could go back and stress the part about saving yourself for marriage” In the Lifetime movie (pregnancy Pact) one of the MOST outspoken Moms for not allowing birth control or “the talks” in school wound up being one of the Grandma’s. All the stressing in the world won’t matter if they make the choice to go ahead…however it can cause some SERIOUS guilt issues and harm YOUR relationship with the kid if they think you are going to pronounce judgement on them. Go ahead and ask me how I know :)

However the word about PRO LIFE sure is out. I understand (but did not Google it) that abortions were higher in past than they are now. Especially in the 80s. Now I am not saying that I think you should have one…so don’t jump on me….but it would be a factor in Teen Moms counting.

I do think JJ is right. Talk to them. Let them know you’re there for them. When they don’t want to listen — talk anyway! It will get through. Just make sure you tell them about contraceptives too. Also with a girl stress the emo that goes with it. I may get bashed for this but my 10yo has seen some of Secret Life of American Teenager and it really seemed to sink in better than ANYTHING I said about it all. She also say 17 Again and said “Mom they said just what you do” (whoda thunk right?). She was especially impressed with the girl in the movie choosing NOT to be pressured by the boyfriend.

Tiger needs me on his PR team

January 27th, 2010
2:19 pm

is this an issue about teen pregnancy or unwed teen pregnancy? Apparently since I made the “try the shoes on comment”, I’m part and parcel to the problem. Which I may be.

But I can’t help but wonder if the issue of teen pregnancy also goes hand in hand with waiting to have sex until your married, would everyone feel better if the throngs of teenagers who decided they couldn’t wait to have sex or didn’t want to all went out and got married to the person they wanted to have sex with, would that be a more palatable solution?

I understand the desire by some to have their children wait until marriage to have sex, but you do realize that your just setting yourself up to then want to tell your kid when to get married too, right?

@jd….would you have rather your 18 year old come home and tell you she had sex for the first time, or come home with a ring and tell you she loves the boy, really wanted to have sex with him, was sure he was the one and eloped….and THEN had sex.

Jeff in Roswell

January 27th, 2010
2:20 pm

I’m curious, did any of those programs where the teenagers had to take care of a “baby” (doll) 24/7, do any good? It seems like the program ran for a week or two.

Really

January 27th, 2010
2:26 pm

Jeff in Roswell- do schools really have a program like that? I only ever see it on TV…

Tiger needs me on his PR team

January 27th, 2010
2:27 pm

and for the record…my statement about “trying the shoes on”, in context, was about whether or not, in a relationship where I was really thought it could turn into something where I committed the rest of my life to the person, if knowing I was sexually compatible with the person through actually having sex was critical.

It’s not like I advocated walking down the street and asking every woman I was attracted to if I could “try on her shoes”.

Dave

January 27th, 2010
2:32 pm

Have you been to the store lately to try and buy condoms? I’m married, we aren’t currently interested in more children and my wife doesn’t want to use the pill (health reasons). So, I buy condoms.

Many stores have them locked up. Can’t you see a teen-age boy trying to buy them? It’s hard enough to get a box and go to the register to buy them, but if you had to ask a clerk (or pharmacist) to go to the display, open it up and let you pick out a box? Geez.

Make them much easier to buy!

Lori

January 27th, 2010
2:36 pm

Tiger, you try and over simplify things. If you think that most kids who have pre-marital sex would actually get married just to try the sex, then you’re crazy. But, I think you already know that – you just always try to be the “smart-a__” in the conversation. Please take topics like this serious. It’s serious to us.

I’m sure you want your kids to have all the sex they want, but most of us feel differently.

lurker

January 27th, 2010
2:37 pm

Hopefully Tiger also is speaking about grown adults “trying the shoes on” There is a huge difference between 15, 16, 17 and 24, 25, etc….in my opinion

Jeff in Roswell

January 27th, 2010
2:37 pm

@Really – I don’t know – I’m sure some schools have tried it, but I wonder if it just didn’t work? There has to be some study with results.

New Stepmom

January 27th, 2010
2:38 pm

Another interesting topic! My husband and I have had 3 appts. with the perinatologist in the lobby of the Northside Women’s Center. After the last appts. I saw 3 teen moms leave with new babies while my husband went to get the car. The thing that struck me was that all three of these teen moms were white, all of them had their mom and dad with them who were wearing wedding bands, all drove away in very nice cars and only one of them had the father of the baby with them. This really opened my eyes, because I think most of think this is a minority problem or a low income problem or a problem of kids with absentee parents. These three instances completely went against that stereo type.

Being that my husband has a 10yo daughter and her mom has only told her about sex in the last 2 weeks, we have talked a lot about this. I think all of the factors mentioned in the article are culprits, but we are raising a generation of children who have no idea what responsibility and accountability are. They are having sex and getting pregnant because parents have never let these kids fail before. They assume they will not “get caught” and get pregnant or fail because they have never been allowed to before. The other thing is that most everything to this generation of children has to be fun. Church and school both are made to be “fun,” so they figure sex is fun too and it cannot possibly lead to anything.

We have the unfortunate situation of being unable to communicate with my husband’s ex and get on the same page about talking about sex and birth control. I know with our son, we will start talking early and often about sex and birth control and his responsibility to be smart and responsible about all decisions he makes concerning sex. I hope is a wake up call for parents. These young girls that I saw all looked terrified and overwhelmed. The birth of a baby should be wonderful and had these girls waited 10 years to get pregnant it would have been.

Tiger needs me on his PR team

January 27th, 2010
2:40 pm

@lurker…i was talking about one adult…me.

FCM

January 27th, 2010
2:45 pm

ROFL — Dave I was working in a pharmacy and the teen boy bought then returned a box of condoms – 6 times. I kid you not it was 6 times. I think I was 16 at the time and we had to do returns with carbon copies and lots of handwritten stuff. Not the easy ones you have today. We had to state a reason why they were returned. So the kid buys a box, then walks up an aisle, NEVER leaves the store! He comes back, returns them and says wrong kind or whatever. Like I said 6 times. Finally, (and I admit this was WRONG) my mouth got the better of me he was half way back to the counter (for another return no doubt) and in the toy aisle. I looked up and said “the balloons are half way down third sheld on the right.” When my boss got done laughing his butt off (and he did for a good 10 min) and wiped the tears from his eyes he said “Please never do that again or I will have to fire you.”

Jeff in Roswell

January 27th, 2010
2:45 pm

@ Dave, I didn’t realize some stores locked them up. What is the reasoning for that? Tarjhay and Walmart have them out in the open.

I know this is a little off topic but, I grew up in a small town. Try buying condoms where everyone knows everybody else. My mom got a phone call from the clerk at the store, telling her that I just bought a box of condoms…

Jeff in Roswell

January 27th, 2010
2:47 pm

I forgot to add an important part to the story. I was working and living on my own at the time. LOL!

Hey, Tiger...

January 27th, 2010
2:47 pm

…try as you might to think that you are the only one on here who said the “try on the shoes line”, you are only a legend in your own mind. Minions of those who converse here daily have said/written that line, and I have heard countless others “off-line” say the same thing. but, thanks for adding to another otherwise tough topic – we do appreciate your input.

Tiger needs me on his PR team

January 27th, 2010
2:50 pm

@Lori…if this is such a complex issue and I’m oversimplifying it…how can anyone take the position of abstinence only where the message is just wait until you’re married.

That’s all…pretty simple, just wait until you’re married. THAT seems pretty simple to me, but as jd (who by all rights seems like a very responsible, well intentioned, fit parent who tried her best to teach this philosophy to her daughter) would attest, doesn’t work even for kids with very nice parents who taught this message.

So if I’m making it sound simple, I’m in good company with those folks who hold a different view.

And please, spare us the personal attacks on what my intentions and desires are for my kid. They cheapen your credibility, objectiveness, and argument.

Tiger needs me on his PR team

January 27th, 2010
2:53 pm

@Hey Tiger…..my apologies….caught me a little full of myself ;-)

Lori

January 27th, 2010
2:55 pm

@ Tiger – so, are you saying you DON’T want your kids to have sex?

You can’t have it both ways.

Yeah...

January 27th, 2010
2:56 pm

…back in the ’70’s drug stores kept the condoms locked up and you had to ask the pharmacist for them.

Wwhen I was in college I worked at a drug store in Tucker (on Main Street) one summer – one guy came in and asked me for some….and he muttered something that I could not understand – and I am a guy – anyway, when I asked him to repeat it he again muttered so that I still could not understand. After a third try to get what he wanted to buy, and still not understanding, he finally said quite loud, “you know, RUBBERS”. At that point I lost it and just laughed out loud. He did complete his purchase, while I continued laughing, as I am doing now thinking about the poor guy.

Condoms in the Mini-Markets are clearly the way to go since they are not locked up, either, today!

motherjanegoose

January 27th, 2010
3:02 pm

Quick question….is it still a double standard for boys and girls or are parents today perfectly fine with their sons marrying a women who has been tried on by others for 8 or so years ( say 17-25). Just wondering out loud here. I often read, in the advice columns, of men who found out about their wive’s busy past and how it bothers them and makes them wonder who, when, where and how often.

When teens have spent time being responsible for little kids ( work, volunteer and in the neighborhood) they sometimes are more apt to see how much work it is to be in charge of another human being. Not sure if this is the truth but my daughter tells me ( now) she never wants kids because they are way too much work and trouble….LOL. We will see, I hope she changes her mind..when she is 30…haha! She is really great with kids but has been babysitting them for years.

Allie

January 27th, 2010
3:04 pm

All you can do is talk to your kids, educate them, let them know the repercussions of their actions, and then hope you’ve done enough to get the message across.

My parents were very strict and instilled that message in us. While most of my friends were off having sex, I waited (and waited and waited) until I was in my mid-twenties. It was a personal choice, not really one I gave much thought to. I wanted to wait til I was comfortable with my choice and responsible able to deal with any repercussions. I never regretted that decision.

My sister and her then boyfriend (now husband) got pregnant after their engagement and after they’d been living together for years. Not planned, not expected, but they were both in their late 20’s and financially and emotionally stable to take on the responsibility and not rely on our parents.

Kids today though are growing up in a different time – they’re attending sex parties, the girls are wearing different colored bracelets to let the guys know what they’re willing to do, and there’s, no doubt, the peer pressure to contend with.

There’s such a barrage of anti-drug and anti-smoking messages all around us, why not take the same approach with underage & teen sex?

motherjanegoose

January 27th, 2010
3:06 pm

FYI…I thought the old fashioned version of trying the shoes on was
WHY BUY THE COW WHEN YOU CAN GET THE MILK FOR FREE?

Maybe I am really out of touch…..

Speaking of the "baby doll" programs...

January 27th, 2010
3:06 pm

…I love that new commercial where the guy has the watermelon strapped to his stomach and tries doing normal things around the house, knocking stuff off the counter with his “belly”, and spitting on himself while rinsing after brushing his teeth – Classic!

JJ

January 27th, 2010
3:09 pm

If the clerk at the store called me and told me my son had bought condoms, I for one, would be thrilled to know my SON is being responsible.

JJ

January 27th, 2010
3:11 pm

New stepmom – you hit the nail on the head with your statement: “, but we are raising a generation of children who have no idea what responsibility and accountability are.” EXCELLENT!!!!

Jeff in Roswell

January 27th, 2010
3:13 pm

@JJ Well, my Mother told the clerk to mind her own business. It was embarrassing but, I didn’t want kids at that point in my life.

HB

January 27th, 2010
3:15 pm

Jeff, they’re probably a highly shoplifted item. Of course, that could be due to the embarrassment factor too. So locking them up leads to the humiliation of having to ask, but grabbing them off the shelf and handing them over to the cashier may be just as embarrassing for teens, leading to theft.

motherjanegoose

January 27th, 2010
3:17 pm

Oh wow nurse and mother are you joining my chorus of ( frequently) seeing those who are enabled by our government as they continue to breed and have more kids…gotta’ love it!

What will Obama have to say about how he is handling everything….tonight? Can’t wait!

RJ

January 27th, 2010
3:20 pm

Hollywood has made being pregnant, teen or not, completely glamorous and acceptable. If I see another unwed couple “celebrating” the birth of their kid on the front page of a magazine… Then we have Maury and Jerry. If parents don’t teach their kids the media will. My daughter and I have regular talks. I don’t know if she’ll wait for marriage or not. Honestly I don’t expect her to. I just expect her to use sound judgement.

FCM

January 27th, 2010
3:21 pm

“all of them had their mom and dad with them who were wearing wedding bands” or those were not Mom and Dad but Parent and Step Parent. I do think that is a factor sometimes.

“, but we are raising a generation of children who have no idea what responsibility and accountability are.” AMEN SISTER!!!!

I think they lock the condoms up because if they don’t kids open the packs and take a few. Then you lose the whole box to theft.

Conner

January 27th, 2010
3:21 pm

Does anyone else see the correlation of the rise in teen pregnancy after 20 years, and the fact that these girls now have Sarah and Bristol Palin to look up to? Reminder: Bristol got knocked up as a teen too!!

http://www.uncensoredtalk.com/2010/01/thanks-to-bristol-palin-teen-pregnancy-rate-up-for-first-time-since-1990/

JJ

January 27th, 2010
3:23 pm

Buying condoms is no worse than buying feminine supplies…

Back in the day, I used to LOVE to find the youngest male cashier in the store and go to his line to buy my “products”…..just to see the embarrassed look on his face……

I’m so mean……

Jeff in Roswell

January 27th, 2010
3:23 pm

@HB – You’re right!

I find it ironic that the kids will jump through hoops and embarrass themselves in many other ways just to have sex with boy/girl friend, but they can’t subject themselves to the perceived embarrassment of purchasing condoms.

motherjanegoose

January 27th, 2010
3:25 pm

@ JJ…could the reason kids are not responsible or accountable be due to the fact that their parents are hovering over them and never let them experience failure or defeat where they ( the kids) have to clean up their own mess? Or, perhaps they are modeling irresponsible behavior that they observe at home?

I sometimes think folks today are like animals, when it comes to sex. Just thinking in the moment and no thought to long term….is it just me?

I think it is important to know the kids your own kids hang around with on a regular basis. I also want to know something about the parents. My kids have had friends whose parents I adore and then some parents who are fine but their guidelines are not quite in line with mine. We talk about why we do what we do and that each family has their own rules or not.

Of course, by the time they go to college, your job should be done!

Tiger needs me on his PR team

January 27th, 2010
3:27 pm

@Lori, I’m saying that I DO want my kid to have sex. Let me repeat that and be VERY CLEAR. I want my child to eventually have sex. Let me qualify that answer to say that when the time comes that he can do it safe, responsibly, with respect to the woman that he is having it with and that respect be mutual, and without pretense or dishonesty, I’ll be ok with him having sex. I do believe there are ages that prohibit him from being capable of reaching that level of maturity. I certainly don’t think he can get there in 15 years. I think 16 is stretching it, but I’ve known very mature 16 year olds who are probably just about mature enough and very immature 25 year olds who shouldn’t be having sex with anyone. Whether he’s married or not, makes no difference to me. That time may come when he’s 16 and single…it may come when he’s 25 and married. I’m more concerned with his state of mind and that he knows exactly what his responsibility is and the certain and potential consequences are. Hopefully, I can help him sort all that out….I’ll try my best.

So Lori…there’s my answer to your question. Do you mind answering the same question?

Jessie

January 27th, 2010
3:28 pm

Yeah Conner, you’re right. Only the Republicans have pre-marital sex.

What an idiot.

Jeff in Roswell

January 27th, 2010
3:28 pm

When I was newly married, my wife asked me to pick up some feminine supplies and I told her “NO WAY!” Haha… now 11 years later, it doesn’t bother me in the least. I guess I can attribute that to maturity. – Did I just say that?

motherjanegoose

January 27th, 2010
3:30 pm

@ Conner…I HATE the term knocked up….sheesh…..

Jesse's Girl

January 27th, 2010
3:31 pm

As much as it would pain me….darn near kill me likely…my children will learn how to use a condom and know PRECISELY how to take a BC pill properly. I do not live in a parental vaccuum. While Jesse and I teach the kids personal resposibility and push the no-sex-until-you’re-married rule….we do understand the mind of a teen. Times may change….but hormones do not. I will take them to a pregnancy crisis center so they can get a real life look at this. They will know exactly what the consequences for sex can be.

JJ

January 27th, 2010
3:33 pm

MJG do you prefer “with child”?

New Stepmom

January 27th, 2010
3:34 pm

JJ and FCM, being that my first parenting experience has been with a 10yo girl, I am constantly amazed by the lack of responsibility and accountability I see as the norm with her and her peers. We are working hard on those two concepts with my step daughter and I am usually seen as the mean and evil step-monster, but I do not care. As my mom used to say “Parenthood is not a popularity contest.”

FCM, you are right that it could have been parents and step parents with these girls, but all of them had present male influences and that used to be cited as a positive in the teen pregnancy issue. The bottom line is, what we saw was not the stereo typical teen mom, but rather what looked “the good girls” and it was eye opening!

Dar

January 27th, 2010
3:36 pm

We can all pray and hope that our children wait for marriage. We can preach it, we can stress it, we can demand it, but once they walk out the door, people, they are ultimately going to do what they want. I am hopeful that my son will heed my advice and want to wait until he is at least 18 and in a strong relationship to have sex. I am also a realist and understand that short of locking him up or putting him in a chastity belt there are going to be pressures, both internal and external, that he may succomb to. That is why I do not stop the message at “don’t have sex until you are physically, mentally, emotionally and financially ready” — I also teach him about “safe” sex. I do not think that explaining how to reduce the risk of pregnancy and STDs encourages him to have sex. To me, it is like drinking. I talk to him about it and as he gets older I will stress that he is not to drink until he is of legal age, but I realize that he might succomb to the temptation so he will also know that if he does he can protect himself by calling me to pick him up rather than drive drunk or ride with someone who is.

motherjanegoose

January 27th, 2010
3:37 pm

@ JJ : PREGNANT is fine with me…..

jd

January 27th, 2010
3:39 pm

Tiger’s correct in saying the “wait” word just won’t work with our teens. I just searched my mind wondering when I was talking to her about safe sex, pregnancy etc. if I had actually stressed how important it is to give it to the one you love and that it’s something you can’t get back. I still don’t know if I did just that and wish I could recall that part of all my speaches. I really don’t think it would have mattered to me had she been 30 or older, it still hurt to hear it and it makes you look at your little girls so much differently. This is all very recent for me so I’ve still not came to grips with it. All I can say is do the best you can as parents, expect the worst and be thankful for the best.