Doomed to be fat just because we’re married?

It is commonly known that many women put on and keep on weight after having a baby, but a new study says it’s not just the kids affecting our weight. The study found that just being married increased the amount of weight women put on over a 10-year period.

The New York Times reports:

“After adjusting for other variables, the 10-year weight gain for an average 140-pound woman was 20 pounds if she had a baby and a partner, 15 if she had a partner but no baby, and only 11 pounds if she was childless with no partner. The number of women with a baby but no partner was too small to draw statistically significant conclusions.”

“ ‘Women’s bodies may adjust to the increased weight associated with having a baby,’ Dr. Dobson said. ‘There may be a metabolic adjustment that goes on when women are pregnant that is hard to reverse. This would be more consistent with our findings than any other explanation.’ ”

“The study covered more than 6,000 Australian women over a 10-year period ending in 2006.”

“ ‘It’s interesting and brings out some important points,’ said Maureen A. Murtaugh, an associate professor of epidemiology at the University of Utah who has published widely on weight gain in women. Perhaps, she suggested, a more active social life may help explain why women with partners gain more weight.”

The article says that most women who put on weight with babies do it after their first and subsequent ones don’t add weight. I was the total opposite of this. I went back to my pre-baby weight with both Rose and Walsh. But I’m still carrying around a bunch of weight from having my third.

One of my single friends from high school just posted this story on Facebook thrilled with this new stat!

Did you put on weight after you got married? Are there habits that you and your husband share that would explain weight gain just from being married? Do you feel doomed to get fat knowing this statistic?

Do you think married women get heavier because they’re not having to date anymore? They’re not having to attract a man?

63 comments Add your comment

oneofeach4me

January 6th, 2010
2:03 pm

My weight gain came from the 2nd kid and that last 15 is still lingering. I can see though how being married can cause weight gain. We as mother’s/wives tend to cook more food being that most men like home cooked meals. And hey… if the food is there we are going to eat a little right? I have found that when my partner is out of town or he is not going to be around for dinner I may not even eat. I just warm up ravioli or the such for the kids and keep it movin.

Another thing I have noticed when it comes to being married or in a long term relationship is that family doesn’t help out as much. For instance, my hubby doesn’t get home until around 8pm. The kids need to be in bed by 9pm. Who wants to go and work out that late at night? In other words, if I was a single mom I would have way more villiage support and therefore would be able to work out as I pleased. The only other time this was possible in my relationship is when I was getting off at 3:30 and was able to go work out BEFORE the kids had to be picked up from school/summer camp.

I still wouldn’t trade him for all the villiage people in the world though ;-) I just need to figure something else out.

lakerat

January 6th, 2010
2:13 pm

Heck, forget being fat – your heart is even more at risk for being married, per this article:

“It’s normal to have your share of tiffs with your spouse, but if your relationship with your partner is marked by constant stress and strain, your risk of heart attack increases up to 34 percent, according to a 12-year study of more than 9,000 men and women published in the Archives of Internal Medicine. Researchers found that people who reported chronic conflict in their closest relationship (which, for the majority, was with their spouse) had the highest heart disease risk. The reason: All that anger and stress triggers a flood of hormones that cause the heart to beat faster and pump harder, leading to higher blood pressure and greater wear on cardiac blood vessels. What’s more, an unhappy marriage may drive you to heart-harming behaviors such as eating poorly, drinking more or smoking, says Anastasia Georgiades, Ph.D., an assistant research professor in psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Duke University School of Medicine in Durham, N.C.

To avoid a heart attack—not to mention improve your marriage—consider going for counseling, says Georgiades. This is particularly urgent advice if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe speaking up during marital spats: Women who don’t speak their mind during these disagreements have four times the risk of dying from any cause (as opposed to old age) compared with those who express their feelings, according to a recent study. So ask your family doctor for a referral to a therapist or find one at therapistlocator.net.”

Tiger needs me on his PR team

January 6th, 2010
2:13 pm

Did the study happen to ask about other factors in weight gain, i.e. calories consumed and amount of exercise before and after marriage? I think what the study is really pointing out is that behaviors that result in eating more and working out less come with marriage. Happens to men too.

Lynn

January 6th, 2010
2:33 pm

I was just like you Theresa, only kept the weight on after the 3rd child, but not to worry, after about 2 years I was back down to 115 again and over time you’ll get there too. I think it’s all associated with age and metabolism. Just avoid the snacks between meals and it’ll come off slowly.

YUKI

January 6th, 2010
2:35 pm

I think it does have to do with both getting older (slower metabolism) and also being married. I do not obsess over it like I did in earlier years. Knowing I have a husband at home makes me relax a little on what I eat. Not that I want to turn into a fat slob, mind you. It’s just a little more relaxed knowing you don’t have to fit someone else’s idea of “perfect” in order to attract someone. I’ve been married 5 years and have probably put on about 15 pounds since my wedding day (baby included). Hopefully this is the worst it’s going to get…..

RJ

January 6th, 2010
2:44 pm

Well, I lost all of the weight with my first within 3 months (but I was only 23 so I guess age played a role in that one). I lost most of it with the second one that came a few years later. That was 11 years ago and I’ve definitely put on about 25 pounds since then. I’ve lost 16 since October so I’m well on my way to being the younger me. I already feel better but my motivation is health more than aesthetics, that’s just an added bonus! Cooking for the family contributed to much of my weight gain. Now, I cook healthier meals.

In answer to the QUESTIONS????

January 6th, 2010
2:45 pm

Did you put on weight after you got married? (YES) Are there habits that you and your husband share that would explain weight gain just from being married? (YES, MY HUSBAND IS JAMAICAN AND ALL HE WANTS TO EAT IS RICE & I ALSO STOPPED WORKING OUT AND TENDING TO HIM MORE) Do you feel doomed to get fat knowing this statistic? (TOO LATE)

Do you think married women get heavier because they’re not having to date anymore? They’re not having to attract a man? (NO, I THINK THE WOMAN THAT DO GAIN IS BECAUSE THEY HAVE LET THEMSELVES GO AND ARE OVERLY FOCUSED ON THE MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP/HIM HENCE (ME)… CAN THIS FORUM “EVER” STICK TO THE SUBJECT???

...

January 6th, 2010
3:11 pm

It absolutely has to do with married women no longer having to date and attract a partner. Not every case, but many.

I have seeen many women gain weight when they are in a relationship and then after their boyfriends break up with them, they lose wieght and exercisse like crazy.

All guys kknow about this by the way.

I remember my buddy was dating a pretty good looking girl who gained a bunch of weight over the year and a half they dated. He told me he couldn’t stand to have sex with her anymore so he broke up with her. I ran into her about 6 months later and she had a smoking hot body. I had to comment to her that she looked great. She said, “I have been working out and dieting like crazy”. I called my buddy and told him he should give her a call. He said, “If I started dating her again, she’d stop working out and get fat”

KJ

January 6th, 2010
3:19 pm

It’s not always correlated to having kids… don’t forget about women that chop off her hair, and lose all interest in oral sex, which has nothing to do with kids.

...

January 6th, 2010
3:22 pm

KJ, I have heard of such women and I pity the poor fools who marry them.

Getting fat...

January 6th, 2010
3:22 pm

…is one “thing” that women tend to do when they get married, and there are other “things” that they tend not to do when they get married, but that is blog for different day!

Thanks, KJ...

January 6th, 2010
3:27 pm

…it is always interesting to ask why women quit doing “that” after marriage – and the pat answer I have heard is “because you MARRIED me and I don’t have to do that anymore”.

oneofeach4me

January 6th, 2010
3:28 pm

oh KJ on the contrary.. yes it can have to do with the kids. Some women cut off their hair due so it’s less hair to deal with and keep up. As for the intrest in oral sex, that may have to do with being overwhelmed with working and/or raising a family and feeling underappreciated.

I for one don’t only attribute marrigae to weight gain, but also kids, age, eating habits, amount of free time (for working out), and amount of “me” time that women just don’t seem to get enough of.

Yolanda

January 6th, 2010
3:40 pm

I absolutely agree with the weight gain. 2 months after getting married I gained 15 lbs. It was a combination of cooking fatty foods (trying to impress the hubby) and eating out often. After getting on the scale in January 09 were were both scared straight, and decided to change the bad habits. Now we are extremely weight conscience (with him losing 100lbs and me losing 30) and trying our best to live a healthier lifestyle.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

January 6th, 2010
3:46 pm

I’m not sure we can say o.sex — I think it’s a great discussion but just abbreviate so I don’t get into trouble.

Personal Responsibility

January 6th, 2010
3:47 pm

“Doomed to be fat” That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. No one’s weight set in stone (with baby, without husband etc.) and anyone who says “this happened…because of this” is just giving themselves an excuse for not making staying fit a priority in their lives. Where there is true determination there is ALWAYS a way to change.

I got married last year and signed up for a Marathon the following March because it was something I had always wanted to do. I was not in great shape when I started, probably about 50 lbs heavier than I needed to be, but I wanted a healthy lifestyle for myself. I have been training ever since. I have lost 42 lbs.

I was never happy with my body but it wasn’t because of the man or man not in my life (he loved me no matter what my weight was), it was because I hadn’t figured out how to make the importance of a healthy lifestyle a priority for me.

Marriage doesn’t make your fat, babies don’t make you fat, husbands don’t make you fat. We do it to ourselves. If you don’t like something about yourself, then take the personal responsibility to change it and stop blaming it on everything else around you. This applies to everything in life, not just weight.

PS – you shouldn’t be staying fit and taking care of yourself for a man…you should be doing it for your own health an well being….therein lies the problem I guess. Sheesh.

Val

January 6th, 2010
3:50 pm

An old saying…The same thing you did to get the man. Is the same thing you have to do to KEEP him. So, if you were small figured woman to attract your husband. You have to stay that way. :o)

Michelle

January 6th, 2010
3:54 pm

I don’t necessarity think it’s getting married, I think it’s all the stuff that goes with it. I didn’t gain my weight until after I had my little guy, BUT I was also 33, almost 34 when I had him! Prior to getting pregnant, we used to go out a lot and I would dance for hours! Since having the little guy, we moved down to GA and there isn’t anything close by anymore.

My eating habits aren’t the best, and I really don’t get any kind of exercise anymore. I’m too tired to get up early and too tired when I get home. I typically have to do all the house “stuff” along with taking care of the boy. The husband has really lost all concept of “helping” and lives in some dream world where he is the only one whose needs matter!

I know I need to make time to exercise, but I’m just too tired and overwhelmed. I have no family here and no real friends (just aquantances ?sp). So, most of my time is spent with the boy.

YUKI

January 6th, 2010
3:54 pm

It goes both ways though…a lot of men let themselves go after marriage..and they don’t even have the baby excuse.

Jane

January 6th, 2010
3:55 pm

I think people just gain weight from being lazy. This article doesn’t make sense. If single women without a partner and with a child didn’t have weight gain, why would having kids mean you gain weight? Clearly, having a male partner makes you gain weight. If you’re running around after a bunch of kids, you shouldn’t be gaining. Stop focusing on your husband so much, make him man up and help out, go on a run, and take care of yourself.

Jane

January 6th, 2010
3:58 pm

Oh, and PS, guys – you’re not so hot either w/the extra pounds, grow back hair, and lose head hair. So perhaps you should be taking care of yourselves as well rather than expecting a hot wife while looking like a slob. TV sitcoms, yes. Real life, no. You might find your wife more inclined to other wifely duties if you stopped being a jerk.

YUKI

January 6th, 2010
3:59 pm

Michelle, you situation is almost identical to mine. I’m trying to get hubs to help out more but it’s not easy. Hang in there!

Tiger needs me on his PR team

January 6th, 2010
4:03 pm

Lets face it…the real thing that goes after marriage is the WILL to keep the pounds off. And that goes across gender lines. Sure you have less time when you have a family and others to consider. Sure, there is more stress…..you can shake a stick at the reasons WHY we gain weight after certain life events like marriage. Case in point…I planned a trip to Hawaii a year before I went. I didn’t want to be the whale on the beach who was 30 pounds more than the day I got married. In the time I got married I had a kid, got a real job..all the things that people use to say why they don’t have the time or inclination to keep the weight off. Nothing in my life change when I pressed the “purchase” button on Orbitz for those flights OTHER than my WILL and desire to make sure I was in fighting weight on the beach. I dedicated an hour a day to cardio, and I don’t care who you are, you have 45 minutes to an hour a day to dedicate. For me, my hour usually was during the time that I LEAST wanted to work out…many times it was AFTER the family was in bed (think leno time)or BEFORE anyone woke up (sweating at 5:00 AM was not an uncommon thing), but that was my choice….be lazy or be active. I chose active. I also stopped snacking on the meals I was cooking for the family while I was cooking it. Or to eat candy or nachos. All choices I made…all just a matter of WILL that I was not going to be fat on the beach. What do you know…I lost the 30 I planned on plus another 10 before I jumped on that plane. I’m not saying its easy, but with all the excuses circulating out there, we should all be honest and just say this….I’m fat not because I’m married or have stress or a family…I’m fat because I choose to be fat.

oneofeach4me

January 6th, 2010
4:03 pm

@Val I have heard this saying. But what about him?? Shouldn’t he still do what he did to get me? Like, oh, feet rubs, massage certificates, complimenting me, calling me 3 or 4 times a day just to hear my voice, I could go on and on. I think that it’s just human nature sometimes to get comfortable with someone and relax a little. Cause to be truthfull, I workout to loose weight for myself.. not to keep him. Heck, even some of the most beautiful women in the world loose their husbands and get cheated on (ie Elen & Tiger). And as people grow older and change.. so do their needs and wants ;-)

Michelle

January 6th, 2010
4:03 pm

Yuki…you too…I think being frustrated all the time is the worst part!

motherjanegoose

January 6th, 2010
4:11 pm

@ Val…hahaha…..does that apply to men ( towards women)who brought flowers, sent letters, took us out on date nights they planned, showed up with gifts and generally adored us? You are funny!

I was a size 12 when I got married. After birthing a 10 pound 8 ounce baby, who I breast fed nearly all the time, I was a size 10 . After my next pregnancy I was and still am a size 14. I know I am not thin…this does not bother me. My husband is nearly 50 pounds more than he weighed when we got married. I am healthy and just went to the Doctor last week where I weighed exactly the same as I did last December when I had my check up.

I call it the panty hose syndrome….when you have a new pair of panty hose and wear them the first time, they are tight. After they have been worn several times and stretched out, they do not fit the same way. When my body stretched to carry a 10 pound 8 ounce and 8 pound 13 ounce child, it is not going to spring back and tight like it used to be. That is me speaking and relating to my body and my pregnancies.

@ HB, please do not try to tell me about your opinion on this topic, as I am pretty sure you have not been pregnant. If I am wrong, I apologize right now. I know you were fussy at my at the end of yesterday’s blog. I replied to your post. I may be the ONLY one on this blog who adheres to the panty hose syndrome but I have been pregnant twice and this is an evidence based opinion, on my part.

@ In answer to the questions… if all of the other posters retyped each question and replied, that would drive me crazy ( I may be the only one). Anyone else?

If you are new…welcome…please know we hardly ever stick with the topic at hand.
Some folks have tunnel vision and adhere strictly to the topic while others are creative enough to interject something that will pique the interest of other posters….it’s all good.

YUKI

January 6th, 2010
4:17 pm

Michelle, yes exactly. You feel like you are doing almost everything all the time and are expected to have a happy face doing it when it’s simply not fair. Some people can fake that but not me…

Jane

January 6th, 2010
4:19 pm

Actually, ladies, why HASN’T this study been done about men?

Tiger needs me on his PR team

January 6th, 2010
4:22 pm

@Jane…simple answer…we, as men, have kind of an opposite anorexia syndrome than women. Women look in the mirror and thing “i’m fat”, even when they look pretty good. Men look in the mirror and think “I look pretty good”, even when we’re toting a 25 pound spare tire. What’s the point of doing a study that the intended audience don’t care about? You think a report entitled “marriage makes men fat” would ever make it to a guys blog? :-)

oneofeach4me

January 6th, 2010
4:23 pm

lol@Tiger… good point

Tiger needs me on his PR team

January 6th, 2010
4:27 pm

men will never cop to getting in shape because they want to “look good”. We already know we look great! We get in shape so that we can be in shape and do manly things like run forever or play hoops without throwing up when we were in our youth…or other things with our wives with much more frequency…like in college. Looking good never crosses our minds! I’m telling all you women out there with hubbies who put on 20+ since marriage…they still look in the mirror in the morning and think “don’t ever die.”

Juanita J

January 6th, 2010
4:29 pm

After marriage, we start cooking more. Most Southern women start cooking beans, corn bread, fried chicken, m & c… We cook more, so we taste , sample more, and we eat more ..and walk and exercise less…….then the pounds pack on…………lol……. who cares, we be in love

Jane

January 6th, 2010
4:29 pm

@TigerPR – That’s a good point. Tiger PR, your new mission is to make men as self concious and insecure as women. No…. wait… that’d mean they’d BE Tiger Woods…

Tiger needs me on his PR team

January 6th, 2010
4:33 pm

Don’t bash on my boy Tiger!

Tiger needs me on his PR team

January 6th, 2010
4:35 pm

this concept that “marriage makes you fat” is the just like saying “marriage is the reason for divorce”.

Michelle

January 6th, 2010
4:45 pm

Yep…and then they don’t understand why you don’t want to give BJ! HELLO!!!

YUKI

January 6th, 2010
4:50 pm

Ah Michelle, thanks for the laugh. Good to know I’m not alone!!!

Tiger needs me on his PR team

January 6th, 2010
4:51 pm

Ohhhhh….come on now Michelle…you gals never really WANTED to give BJ’s in the first place! You guys do it begrudgingly…..for birthdays, maybe Xmas or anniversaries….but when gals make a list of “things I want to do in bed”….BJ’s fall right under “stay there all day when I’m sick.”

TechMom

January 6th, 2010
4:52 pm

Had the baby before marriage and ended up weighing less than before (young+ lack of exercise and therefore loss of muscle mass + NO time to eat or sleep + lots of stress = weight loss). Stayed relatively the same for the first several years of marriage but 5 years of working from home has added up to about 10-12 lbs. I attribute that to just not getting up and moving as much.

I was definitely under weight to begin with so the ‘extra’ weight doesn’t really bother me which is probably good since I can’t seem to lose it now even with exercise. If I could tone up a couple of areas I definitely wouldn’t care about the weight; how my clothes fit is more of an issue. I think we ALL tend to get complacent about exercise and how we eat when we have a family whether that’s a spouse or kids or both. There are only so many hours in the day and yes it’s easy to say “put yourself first and exercise” and another to actually make it work.

HB

January 6th, 2010
4:55 pm

Gee, MJG, is there anyone else you want to to tell to shut up before they’ve said anything? And no, I don’t have any comments to make on this topic or my own experience to share on pregnancy, but unlike some people, I don’t find it necessary to come on board in the morning to tell people that I have nothing to say as if everyone here is waiting around for my insights. I may be joining JJ soon…

MomsRule

January 6th, 2010
4:56 pm

Tiger, I agree with your 4:30 post. Well stated.

Tiger needs me on his PR team

January 6th, 2010
4:58 pm

I don’t think you have to put yourself first Techmom. In fact…I put everyone else first when I got serious about losing the pounds. My family rarely saw me working out because I was doing it when it affected their lives the least…mostly while they were sleeping either at night or the morning. You can put everyone first and still do it…but again…you can’t fall victim to that siren song of a cozy bed beckoning to sleep when you know you need to work out.

For me the sleep was much less tempting than the muse of a big plate of nachos. Every decision you make is a choice when it comes to weight loss. Choose to lose weight or not…..it’s really that simple.

JATL

January 6th, 2010
5:01 pm

I’ve always had to watch my weight, but it’s definitely more difficult after marriage. My husband LOVES to eat, use to be a chef and has had to learn that butter is not in itself a food group. I enjoy it as well, but when I was single I would have popcorn or a fruit salad or something on a lot of nights, and I didn’t have anyone else’s schedule to consider, so I worked out whenever I wasn’t working. Now I/we cook a lot more, and with two children we want to actually have supper together. I try to cook healthy, low fat, low calorie foods, but just the fact that I eat more actual meals has made keeping weight off harder.

CP ATL

January 6th, 2010
5:13 pm

Well, I am 10 lbs LIGHTER than when I got married 12 years ago. However, back then I was a very, very muscular girl (and only 23). And since then I gained 70 lbs after having my son (not from pregnancy…it started the year after he was born). Looking back I think I had post-partum (sp?) depression, plus I started my career after grad school, my husband was STARTING grad school, I was commuting 1.5 hours each way…

I just didn’t feel like I could keep up. I’d get home from work at 7pm and still had to deal with dinner and family and I was exhausted.

But 2 years ago I got fed up and realized if I didn’t do something NOW then I’d be stuck fat and out of shape.

So, I cleaned up my diet big time and started exercising. At first just cleaned up and scaled back my diet. A month later I added a small amount of exercise. Then slowly added more. After losing the first 40 lbs I did the Couch to 5K program and it’s made me a runner for life.

So, I am now 137-140 lbs, size 4/6 and I run ~30-40 miles per week. Currently training for a marathon.

The key for me was to make small lifestyle changes in succession. As soon as one change was easy I made another. Small steps. And while I agree the thought of getting up at 5am to go run, or to go at 8pm, seems exhausting it’s really not once you start doing it. Exercise gives you the energy to exercise. But start small. Don’t train for a marathon. Go do Couch to 5K. It only takes 30 minutes 3 times a week. Or do less than that at first. Work UP to it.

But, I think many women gain weight after marriage because life happens all at once and they stop focusing on themselves. I don’t think it’s because they think they don’t have to because they “caught” their man. The whole time I was fat I hated it. I don’t know a fat woman who likes being fat. It’s often a case of feeling helpless about it. You know what to do to change it but it seems like such an insurmountable task. I know.

As for BJ’s…I wouldn’t give them before, either, so he married me knowing that. Doesn’t stop him from asking. And sometimes if I’m feeling extra frisky I will. But he’s not interested in reciprocating either so it’s all fair.

motherjanegoose

January 6th, 2010
5:21 pm

@ HB, not today. I try to check in before I head out to work, in support of Theresa not everyone else. Sometimes no one is posting and I am just letting her know that I am reading her topics. Maybe she does not care. i find, as a writer, that it helps to know someone is reading what you wrote.

When you challenge my opinion at every corner, I cannot understand why. I figured you might have something to interject about my pregnancy ideas even if you have never been pregnant. Guess i was wrong.

Like I said before, I ( may be the only one) who holds the posts on this blog to a higher level if the person posting has some credibility through their own experience. There are certainly things you may know MUCH more about than I do but I am and have been a mother for nearly 23 years and this is why I think my ideas MAY have some credance on the blog entitled MOMANIA. I have also taught and worked with young children ( from Florida to Alaska) for over 25 years…this may not count as much.

On the other post today, I am interested in knowing the points of those who ARE gay…not just those who know someone who is gay. To me, that is a personal perspective. I once saw a long documentary about religiously active parents who found out their child was gay and they were basically booted from the church. I cried quite a bit. I could see the pain in the parents eyes as they had walked the walk. A different story from those who simply know someone who is gay.

I have walked the walk in other areas yet find that you want to challenge me. That is why I said what I did about the pregnancy thing.

motherjanegoose

January 6th, 2010
5:23 pm

typos and grammar problems…sorry!

Tiger needs me on his PR team

January 6th, 2010
5:38 pm

wow…..I’m going to say the most piggish thing ever on Momania…but the prospect of zero BJ’s for the rest of my life would preclude me from proposing. Seriously. Nothing against people who enter that arrangement willingly, but I just couldn’t get into that situation knowingly.

Let the onslaught begin.

HB

January 6th, 2010
5:52 pm

I do not “challenge” your opinion at every corner. Honestly, I didn’t think I had even posted much lately. I did give my own perspective on having a somewhat long name yesterday — isn’t that what people do on the blog? Respond with their own thoughts and opinions? I’m not sure why you see my feelings about my experience as a “challenge” to you. I don’t think there was anything rude in my post, and I didn’t even directly address you personally. I never said your opinion was invalid. I merely gave another view. And I know I have never said to anyone here “please don’t give your thoughts here because you can’t know enough to bother sharing anything with the rest of us.” Really, could you be more condescending and rude?

CP ATL

January 6th, 2010
6:07 pm

Tiger, I think you’re selling yourself and your ability to have a relationship short. Surely if you really loved someone and felt lucky to be with someone you could truly trust and count on…and have sex with (but no BJs) you wouldn’t throw that away just because of the BJs? Based on your other comments I can’t believe that.

It’s very rare to actually partner up with someone you can really, truly partner.

Tiger needs me on his PR team

January 6th, 2010
6:11 pm

I’m serious CP ATL. I’m not saying that I would divorce my wife if she said to me tomorrow “oh by the way, no more of those”….I’m just saying that if I was DATING a girl who was opposed, for whatever reason, to giving those out, I would have to think that indicated that we were fundamentally not sexually compatible. There are lots of compatibility factors that go into a relationship…..financial, spiritual, views on child rearing, and sexual is in that mix. If I wasn’t sexually compatible with my girlfriend, I wouldn’t ask her to be my wife. That would be unfair to both of us.