Bad idea or good idea: Setting up your child’s teacher?

I recently met an eligible bachelor that I think would make a good match for one of my children’s teachers.

He’s smart, well educated, good job, cute and seemed very nice. And I just adore my child’s teacher. She’s in her 20s, very cute, very smart and just the sweetest woman ever! Plus she owns her own home. (She’s responsible with money.)

I know she’s not married but I need to investigate a little bit to find out if she’s dating anyone seriously. There are approximately three men in our entire school – all unavailable. An elementary school is not like a regular office where you have lots of chances to meet people.

I keep trying to think of “natural” ways they could meet each other. He could come to school and have lunch with me and my son one day and meet her after lunch. (He’s generally working during the day and works about 25 miles from our school so not that organic.) Another option is bingo night at the school. I bet she would be there and it wouldn’t be that odd for him to be there. Plus, he’d be off work. Also if they had a skate night and she was there – that could work too. (Unless he can’t skate. I’m sure she can skate – she’s very athletic.)

My husband says this is a terrible idea that could go wrong in so many ways. And I know he is right!  However, I’m like a dog with a bone – it’s hard to get me off of an idea once it’s in my head.

Setting up single friends is Classic Theresa. I did it a lot when we lived in New York, and we were the only married people around.

I swear I would just introduce them and then get out of the way. If they chose to go out, that’s great. If not, that’s fine too. But at least give them the chance to meet.

How do you vote? Would you try to set up your child’s teacher? Is this fraught with way too many problems? Should I wait until after the school year is over? (We all know that patience is not one of my virtues.) What’s the best way to casually introduce them? (I could just tell them about each other and see if they want to email for while and then maybe move on from there?)

(Sorry I’m so late getting this topic up. I had to take my car in for work.)

60 comments Add your comment

JATL

December 30th, 2009
11:56 am

Are you sure she’s interested in men? If you’re POSITIVE, then I see no problem with it as long as you’re SUPER casual about it and don’t take offense in any way if she’s not into it either before or after a date. I wouldn’t bring him to the school during a school day, but a school function like the bingo night you mentioned should be fine.

lakerat

December 30th, 2009
11:58 am

LISTEN TO YOUR HUSBAND…no where in the room mom description does it include MATCHMAKER. There is no “natural” setting in which they can meet (the bingo aspect is a total loser since what bright, self-serving, single male is going to go to an elementary schoo to play bingo?)

If you persist, which I am sure you will, invite both over to dinner – you could tell both that it is a set-up, or you could have a small dinner party and include both – they will know it is a set-up if all other parties attending are married, so just going with the smaller party (at your home or as casual dinner out) is appropriate.

Good luck!

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

December 30th, 2009
11:59 am

would you ask her before hand if she’s interested in meeting someone or just bring him and then she doesn’t know it’s a set up — she will act more casual but on the other hand it puts him at an unfair advantage because obviously he knows if he’s showing up to a child’s event –

other possibility — tell him about her and show him photos — I have some cute ones of her from the boosterthon run — she’s so cute — and then if he’s interested show her photos of him and tell her about him and if they are both interested from there they could meet –

FCM

December 30th, 2009
12:31 pm

I am with Michael. BAD idea. Leave it alone.

MaryKay

December 30th, 2009
12:35 pm

You could ask each of them if they might be interested, and have them check out each other’s profile on Facebook. I’m sure they each have an account. Be “friends” with each of them on there so you can see their entire profile and have them check out each other. That way if one of them isn’t interested, they don’t have to ever even meet.

Lady Strange

December 30th, 2009
12:35 pm

I wouldn’t get involved. This is not like setting up a friend, this is your child’s teacher. Best to keep your relationship with the teacher about your child and let the teacher live her own life.

Dennis

December 30th, 2009
12:40 pm

Hey, if she’s really that cute – as long as you don’t tell my wife about it, I’d love to meet her!

Allie

December 30th, 2009
1:07 pm

I’d stay will away from that one; it’s a big mistake to get involved in someone’s life to that extent – especially someone you don’t know all that well…..you’re not even sure she’s not dating anyone already!

Quit interfering and worry about your own family.

Tiger needs me on his PR team

December 30th, 2009
1:18 pm

Mike is right…this is a TERRIBLE IDEA! Just from your assumptions it shows how you’re just not thinking. She owns her own house so she must be good with money?!? Have you been reading the paper lately? How many homeowners are being foreclosed on or are behind on their payments? That causal relationship statement actually made me laugh out loud at how little thought was put into it. Have you done a check on her (or his for that matter) FICO score? Half of me wouldn’t be surprised if you had.

the bottom line is you know NOTHING of substance about either one of them. It’s one thing to try to set up single friends…these two aren’t even friends, they’re acquaintances. if you do this, mark my words, it will say more about you and your need to meddle than it will your inate ability to be a great matchmaker.

Is this what “busy Moms” do with their days to raise healthy children without going insane?

YUKI

December 30th, 2009
1:37 pm

I wouldn’t do anything without asking both of them if they are interested. You could casually mention to the teacher that you have a friend you think she would hit if off with, saying something like “not sure if you are dating anyone but…”. She is young and would probably not get offended or anything I would not think. I would have been flattered if I were her….but would have let you know if I wasn’t interested. I don’t think it’s so bad to try to have her meet the guy if you think he is that great. It’s hard to meet people in this day and age sometimes…so if you think they might hit it off then why not…but again ONLY if they are both interested. I wouldn’t try to be sneaky about it.

Sug

December 30th, 2009
1:46 pm

Don’t you have ENOUGH going on in your own life?

mom2alex&max

December 30th, 2009
1:49 pm

Sorry Theresa, this has DISASTER written all over it.

Also, why are the blogs being posted so late in the day now? They used to be up by 7am, now it’s midmorning or noon?

hey, mom2alex...

December 30th, 2009
1:52 pm

…what part of “(Sorry I’m so late getting this topic up. I had to take my car in for work.)” did you not understand?

Tiger needs me on his PR team

December 30th, 2009
2:03 pm

You know Theresa, the worst thing that could happen with you taking such measures to try to match these two is probably not the inevitable awkward moment between your two unsuspecting victims….it will actually be when the light is cast on your NEED to be NEEDED to solve everyone’s problems (real or perceived.) There are so many reasons why these two may or may not be single (because lets face it, you don’t know if they are in relationships or not), yet in YOUR mind, she’s “so cute” (and maybe good with money) and he’s smart and “seems very nice”, you’ve taken it upon YOURSELF to make sure that these two don’t miss out on meeting each other. Read your column objectively and tell us with a straight face that this has more to do with THEIR future happiness and relationship opportunities than YOUR…whatever it is that makes you try to fit all of the pieces of life’s puzzle into place. If you say it’s more about them than you…then your next blog should be a vote as to whether or not you’re delusional.

Dennis

December 30th, 2009
2:06 pm

C’mon already, what’s her number?

YUKI

December 30th, 2009
2:06 pm

Some of you people are being really snippy (for lack of a better word). You don’t know anything about this teacher…maybe she would welcome a chance to meet a nice guy. How would Theresa know this unless she mentions it? It’s not like she wants to force this on these people, she is just suggesting getting them to meet in some way. If you don’t think it’s a good idea than just say so and move on, no need for the rude comments. geez.

Denise

December 30th, 2009
2:11 pm

This is a horrible idea. Put down your “matchmaker” hat and walk away. Just because you think 2 people are nice, cute, funny, etc. doesn’t mean that they have anything in common. I wouldn’t even do the “let’s put them in the same place and see what happens” thing because it will be so obvious and awkward. Just don’t do it.

atlesq

December 30th, 2009
2:20 pm

DO NOT WALK, BUT RUN FAR FAR AWAY from this idea! So long as your child is a current student in this teacher’s classroom (or there is the potential for any of your children to have her as a teacher) you need to stay as far away as possible from that teacher’s personal life. If you did introduce these two and it should go sour (as it most assuredly will – you say that you JUST MET this guy – let’s admit you really know nothing about him), your child’s smiling face in class each day will be nothing more than an angry, painful reminder to the teacher of your crappy set-up. Do you really want to subject your child to the possibility that the teacher’s disappointment, anger, hurt, etc. etc. will be taken out on them? While we would all hope that the teacher could be professional, etc., if this turns bad you are subjecting your child to some ugliness for no other reason than you had to meddle! Good God!

Jane

December 30th, 2009
2:26 pm

YUKI: your advice – to us – isn’t helpful or realistic.

Just saying “yes” or “no” to Theresa’s quandry without an explanation for the opinion is not helpful. Explanations are needed. Folks are giving their opinion, WHICH IS WHAT WAS REQUESTED.

Maybe YOU should just move on. Geez.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

December 30th, 2009
2:32 pm

The posts have been late this whole week — I’ve been sleeping in with the kids enjoying not having to get up to get them off to school. We will be back to 7 a.m. postings next week. We’re still in holiday mode over here.

JoDee

December 30th, 2009
2:32 pm

Don’t do it. I’m a teacher, and I would be horrified to have a parent so involved in my personal life. NO. It is over the line.

Tiger needs me on his PR team

December 30th, 2009
2:35 pm

YUKI….Jane is right. When the question goes beyond “is this a good idea” to “is this fraught with too many problems” among other questions, the request IS to give our opinion. And anyone who thinks this blog is JUST about the issues is kidding themselves. This Blog is motivated by how THERESA sees the issues and the dialogue that ensues. That’s kind of what a blog is…someone saying “here’s what I think about something, now tell me why I’m right or wrong.” So if we’re supposed to just address the issues and leave out our opinion of poor little Theresa’s point of view, then maybe the requests should be written objectively that doesn’t include her she wraps her minds around the issues. that would suck though because the blog would be real boring then.

what if??

December 30th, 2009
2:38 pm

Boy, if I were a stay at home mom, I would hope that I would have so much more to do than worry about setting up my kids teacher!!! Theresa, I think you need a life!!!

Tiger needs me on his PR team

December 30th, 2009
2:40 pm

Oh…and YUKI…I do find it interesting that you say “If you don’t think it’s a good idea than just say so and move on”…but as someone who did not disagree with Theresa, you found it perfectly reasonable to EXPLAIN and GIVE YOUR OPINION as to why you did not disagree with her. Seems kind of one sided.

mom2alex&max

December 30th, 2009
2:45 pm

To what if??: JANE, you are not fooling anyone..we know it’s you.

And to the poster that addressed to me: the posts have been late all week, not just today. So BITE ME.

YUKI

December 30th, 2009
2:48 pm

All I was saying is that the responses were sort of unnecessary…like “worry about your own family” and “don’t you have enough going on in your own life?”. I UNDERSTAND what a blog is and that you should explain why you think whatever you think (as I did). I just meant that I think people enjoy trying to pick out things she says and pick them apart (Like mentioning FICO score, a bit overboard). I didn’t think her mentioning to the teacher that she has a friend was a big deal but almost everyone seems to disagree. I can accept that. JoDee’s response was perfect. She did not have to cut down anyone…she doesn’t think it’s a good idea, she is a teacher and I’m not so I respect that. NNNNKAY?????

hey, mom2alex...

December 30th, 2009
3:22 pm

…I like it when you talk like that…….hmhmhmhmhmhm

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

December 30th, 2009
3:55 pm

believe me when I say I’ve got plenty to do — these are just thoughts I have. I meet a nice guy at a party. I think of this teacher. I think that would be a nice thing to do. I tell my husband. He says no. I ask what you guys think. here we are — loads of clothes to fold, thank you notes to write, Girl Scout badges to sew on, ,,,, lots and lots to do. But still a nice thought of maybe finding love for this nice teacher.

HB

December 30th, 2009
3:55 pm

No no no no no!!! Major overstep of boundaries. Think of it as a business relationship — she’s your kids teacher! If you become friends, and hang out together next year outside of school after your child has left her class AND she expresses a desire for help getting out and meeting eligible bachelors, then go for it.

And as a young single myself, I have to say when I’m back in the South, the questions about my relationship status (followed up with more pressing questions about what I’m trying to do to change it), offers to fix me up, etc from people I barely know who seem to think I need to be married ASAP get old, and a lot of my young single friends have said they feel the same way.

Julia

December 30th, 2009
3:56 pm

When I was in the 8th grade and yes that was a million years ago :).. My brother went out with my Home Ech teacher and that was a disaster.. She really turned out to be a stalker…

Erin C

December 30th, 2009
4:07 pm

I was a teacher for sometime, and completely agree with the fact that an elementary school is not an ideal work environment for meeting single men. I would completely have been open to a parent setting me up with someone! However, it does not need to be orchestrated to the degree you mentioned. Like other posters on here, just ask her if she is currently seeing someone, and if not, would she be interested in meeting a friend of yours. Give her his number, with him knowing about it of course, and let the ball be in her court. She can text him and start conversing that way without the threat of uncomfortable silences. Then they can move to facebook, and then on to actual phone conversations. However, once you have done your part, leave it be. Should she bring the subject up to you, that is up to her. Do not ask her about how things are going or pester her in any way. This for sure would make her uncomfortable. And by no means should your child know that you are doing this.

The fact that you respect and admire your child’s teacher is awesome, and your want for her happiness is great. Give her a tool, but let her figure out how to use it. That is afterall what she is doing with your child.

Elliot Garcia

December 30th, 2009
4:18 pm

Terrible idea….I would suggest a new hobby if you have this much time on your hands….

David S

December 30th, 2009
4:18 pm

If you are your child’s teacher (as it should be) or your spouse (as an alternative), you should definitely not set them up with anything except the proper tools (widely available on the internet) to do a wonderful job of homeschooling your kids.

Elliot Garcia

December 30th, 2009
4:20 pm

Enter your comments here

Me

December 30th, 2009
4:35 pm

Not a good idea… I would let this one go, unless she comes to you and specifically tells you that she is looking for a relationship and inquires if you know anyone.

I learned one thing in life – do not assume anything. This idea is full of assumptions. You do not even know if she is interested in having that someone special. I know many young people and most of them are not interested in relationship.

This is like an affair – you know is a not a good idea, people tell you it is not a good idea, but you do it. Well, after a few years you can look back and say – that was not a good idea…However, it is too late to repair the damage.

Theresa – let it go! And please do not play matchmaker for your children when they grow up. I read that you love being a matchmaker. So does my mom. I hated it.

fer

December 30th, 2009
4:47 pm

As a former single teacher, I say DON’T DO IT!!! Stay OUT of it! It is NONE of YOUR business!

bill

December 30th, 2009
4:55 pm

Enter your comments here

bill

December 30th, 2009
4:57 pm

question in atlanta area
maybe she does not date men but big 98 % is he does not date woman
get real this is atlanta

Sandy_C

December 30th, 2009
5:31 pm

Ask yourself this: If you set her up with him and she gets her heart broken, i.e., he turns out to be married, a serial cheater, or dumps her on her birthday, etc. and she gets her heart broken, how would you feel being the one that set them up?

Take heed to what Tiger’s wife’s ex-employer said recently (remember, he introduced Elin to Tiger), ““We probably thought he was a better guy than he is . . .I would probably need to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of a 3-iron,”

My opinion, find another hobby Theresa and just let it go! Sandy_C

itpdude

December 30th, 2009
5:38 pm

No no no no. Setting people up is bad business most times. That the broad is a teach at your kid’s school makes this very bad business.

Honestly, what are you thinking? I’m figuring this is your way to have a sexual fantasy about this nice fellow and you can vicariously live through the chick who gets diddled by the fellow.

But that’s just my opinion.

Set Up

December 30th, 2009
5:49 pm

I think it depends on how well you know the teacher. I know several of my students’ parents on a more personal level, and if I were single, I would not be that opposed to it. I teach elementary school, which is not a good place to meet guys. I was set up by a coworker with my now-hubby, so I think set ups are the way to go!

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

December 30th, 2009
5:51 pm

this is good for me to hear!! It will reduce my temptation to ask her about it — good good good feedback — keep being negative – it will help control the urge to matchmake!! (at least until we’re out of her class.)

motherjanegoose

December 30th, 2009
6:53 pm

Oh wow….this gave me an enormous laugh Theresa.

I will say that our son’s and daughter’s third grade teacher ( who we adored and kept the bid up on a fundraiser auction where she would cook and bring dinner over to a student’s ….our… house) was into her 40’s before she married. She was a WONDERFUL person and she married a Doctor.

I was so happy for her as I could not believe anyone with her sweet personality could not find her match but she eventually did and that was so exciting! We invited her to our son’s graduation party and treated her like the guest of honor as she was always his favorite teacher. Splendid memories~

Tiffany

December 30th, 2009
7:10 pm

I agree with Erin C. If you must get involved in this…at least ask your teacher friend about it first, then let her decide if she would like the guy’s number, ect. If she does, then sit back and let nature take it’s course. You are certainly not responsible for their behavior from then on…I wouldn’t worry about it after that. Some people are born match makers, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Some of the greatest couples out there got their start by being fixed up by some mutual friend.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

December 30th, 2009
8:12 pm

hey mom2alexa nd max — I just scheduled tomorrow’s blog to post at 7:05. so I will be on time tomorrow.

Justmy2cents

December 30th, 2009
8:15 pm

I’d have to go with no. If you proceed (especially when it goes south), more than likely the teacher will talk about you to other teachers and you will become “THAT mom” that nobody wants around. Unfortunately, it will only be your child that suffers from your meddling.

mom2alex&max

December 30th, 2009
8:31 pm

Theresa, sorry if my post came out snappy. I rather assumed it was a problem with the AJC, not you. Please forgive me! :)

April

December 30th, 2009
8:40 pm

Ask the teacher first; if she is open to the idea, ask if you can give the gentleman her number/e-mail/facebook, etc. Find out what level of contact she is comfortable with and then back off. I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to help two seemingly nice people find each other. I think you should just plant the seed and provide the contact and then get out of the way. Then all future decisions will be solely theirs.

motherjanegoose

December 30th, 2009
9:09 pm

@ Justmy2cents…REALLY there are teachers who deem some mothers THAT mom? Please do not share this news on the blog as there are some here who will not want to hear of it…..LOL.

I have mentioned before that teachers “have the numbers” of some parents and this news gets passed around…often not in a favorable way. While it is the truth ( according to most teachers I know and I know thousands) it is not accepted as a necessary fact here.

Glad someone else is privy to this concept.

Stay warm!

Jane

December 30th, 2009
9:47 pm

@ mom2alex&max – what’s your problem?

My 2:26 post is my ONLY post on this blog. If I was to write another post, I wouldn’t use another name (like you probably do). I don’t feel the need to hide as all of my comments are truthful. Did you not like my 2:26 post? Are you also YUKI and I called you on a bad comment?

You’re a nasty, vile person that this blog would be better off without. You falsly accuse me of writing as someone else, you tell Theresa when she needs to post her blogs, and you told the poster who rightfully told you that Theresa stated why she was late – to Bite you.

You’re a sad individual. Seriously, if you’re not going to be helpful, keep your comments to yourself. I try to be helpful on here – you do not.