Do adults without kids waste their time?
My husband ran across a column which basically says adults without children waste their time. Robert Pagliarini, a financial consultant and author, wrote that the child-free have so much time on their hands they are never pressed to do anything and because of that they waste time.
Here are some excerpts from his CBS Money Watch column:
“I have friends without kids and I want to wring their neck every time they say, ‘I’m so busy. I don’t have enough time.’ You don’t have enough time?! Are you kidding me? My theory, which seems to be much more popular with my friends that have children, is that people without kids are inefficient and don’t fully value their free time…”
“Common sense says that if you have children, you will not be as productive. There’s no way you will be able to get as much done. That book you want to write? It will take a lot longer. Time for exercise? Limited. People without kids have so much more free time that it’s almost unfathomable….”
“I only have a fraction of the time to read, work, exercise, watch TV, etc. that I used to. Because of that, I do things faster and I’ve eliminated people and eliminated things that aren’t important. My productivity has remained level but my efficiency has gone through the roof because of my daughter.”
I do agree with his theory that the busier you are the efficient you are and the more you get done. I also agree that as a parent you get infinitely better at managing your time and working in a much more efficient manner. You have to.
Do you think the child-free waste their valuable free time? Do you think that people who have never had children can fathom how time pressed you become with kids? Do you think that people with kids do work more efficiently and get more done than adults without kids? What do you think of Pagliarini’s theory?
Tell us what you think about the site
Customer Care »
Vacation stops, manage subscriptions and more
AJC Services
Sections
Other Editions
Guides
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement
© 2009 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
114 comments Add your comment
Off topic...
October 29th, 2009
7:13 am
but related to the end of yesterday when you posted that Michael was now sick, too – both he and Walsh are reaping the benefit of the weekend camping trip in the rain and cold – I know, I know, you can only “catch” a cold from a carrier to whom you have been exposed – they were exposed to plenty.
My question regarding the old theorem(sp) about only “catching” from being exposed – how did the very first person get the symptoms?
Christina
October 29th, 2009
7:38 am
This should be a hot topic. Before we had kids, I thought we were busy. Now that I have one child, I think we are busy. I know that when we have more, I will look back on my one-child days as relaxing. While I wouldn’t say childless adults “waste time” I would say they don’t realize how much time they have. They truly don’t realize it. They think they have a lot to do (and some really do, but when a lot to do includes four or five TV shows every week, it’s all perception).
I wish some childless adults would realize how much more time consuming it is when you have children. Yes, I am tired of hearing them say how busy they are. I’ll admit it. When my sister-in-law gets home from work at 3:30 and complains that she is too busy to work out — yet she keeps current with no fewer than four (maybe more) TV shows every week and spends hours each Saturday watching football and movies . . . I just roll my eyes. I don’t care that they have more time on their hands; I just don’t want to hear the complaints that they’re “too busy” to fit in things that I manage to do while working longer hours and keeping up with a toddler.
Jesse's Girl
October 29th, 2009
7:50 am
Holy crap on a stick y’all…this topic is gonna go lunatic really quickly! Of course you have more free time before you have babies..duh. Thats not in question. I think the meat of the issue has less to do with time management and more to do with the appreciation and savoring of that “extra” time. I know Jesse and I did not truly comprehend the bliss in which we were living….in regards to our free time. Waking up late…grinding our own beans….reading 3 papers…I could go on. If I could go back in time….the only thing I would do is shake myself by the shoulders and say “PAY ATTENTION IDIOT!!!!!” I adore my life now…I worship my husband and our kids. But it would be frickin awesome to have one day of that time back. I’d mismanage the hell out of it!
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
October 29th, 2009
8:00 am
Hey Michael came down with it first and has had the higher fever up until about 4 a.m,. when Walsh spiked to 102.7 — so i’m heading to the doctor now — please play nice without me here to monitor. JG and other regulars help keep an eye on things — If anyone sees anything really in appropriate please hit report this link to it will be taken care of — I’ll probably be gone four hours — but that’a whole other topic!!!
Amy
October 29th, 2009
8:02 am
I’m proudly childfree (not childless) and I don’t waste any of my time. I am busy, with things of my choosing, that are important to me. They may not be the things that are important to you – I’m certainly not busy with cleaing up after children, attending PTA or fretting about large wild animals at Stone Mountain. However, my time isn’t wasted. That’s a true insult – it’s very close to saying that only parents are important. I guess none of you did anything worthwhile until you procreated? That’s sad.
catlady
October 29th, 2009
8:04 am
Wasn’t Rose sick last week? Hope they all feel better. Stay away from sick people.
Annie
October 29th, 2009
8:06 am
Just because I chose to not reproduce (and for that the world should thank me!), doesn’t mean I don’t live a full life. I don’t judge you for having kids, therefore you shouldn’t judge me for not having kids. It’s just different strokes for different folks.
My husband and I live a very full life. We tend to take a lot of last minute trips, which had we had kids wouldn’t be an option for us. We travel a lot, having been to Ireland, England, France, Italy, Belgium, Germany, Australia, New Zealand, & Mexico several times, plus many cities within the US.
If I choose to sit mindlessly in front of the tv at the end of a long work day, that is my choice; I have nobody to answer to, nor should I have to answer for that. But to say that childless people “waste their time” is an implication I resent – you don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s life, you don’t know what they’re dealing with; I fear this will be another posting that prompts people to look down on childless people as sub par or something.
*Sigh* let the crap throwing beging……………….
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
October 29th, 2009
8:12 am
Rose and the baby both had bronchitis — that came from Disney World — we had done a quick in and out to use up our tickets that were expiring in Dec.
Photius
October 29th, 2009
8:18 am
It appears like this is another post in order to pay tribute towards “Mommy Martyrdom”…
Babs
October 29th, 2009
8:20 am
Photius……….well said!
Fred
October 29th, 2009
8:21 am
As a parent I agree that those w/o kids do tend to have more available time. This does not mean that they have more free time or time to waste. Parents can and often do waste as much time (or even more) watching TV or even just waiting for the kids. I spent 5 hours last weekend at a swim meet (in which my daughter swam 3 races each lasting less than a minute), Apart from those 3 minutes, I consider that time wasted as I had to stay in the area, yet could not interact with my daughter as the team was in a separate area. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining about spending the time, I have sat at the meets in the past and will do it again, but i think it is very presumptuous and smacks of jealousy when those of us with kids lament the fact that those without have it easy and so much free time on their hands. We made a choice to have kids, there are both pros and cons to this choice depending on your point of view. But lets not complain about it. I made my choice and wouldn’t change it for the world.
TimeOnMyHands
October 29th, 2009
8:22 am
Choose to have a kid = choose to loose the freedom to be inefficient with your time. If I want to complain about not having enough time, that’s my perogative. I will still complain about not having enough time if kids ever come into the picture. If you have a kid, you chose to dedicate time to that kid. Right now I choose to dedicate time to camping, watching tv, going out on the weekends and the spur of the moment, playing softball, mountain biking, etc.
Amy
October 29th, 2009
8:23 am
Fred – I really appreciate seeing a parent who “gets it”. We all have 168 hours a week, parent or not. It’s up to the individual how to spend that time.
lakerat
October 29th, 2009
8:24 am
I cannot comnment on the wasting of time via either group, but I do know that the older the kids get the more YOUR/MY time is taken! I remember, when my 2 kids were under age 6 having a very good friend whose 2kids were ages 12 & 16 – she was always soooo busy. I remember telling her (many times) that there was no way anyone could be that busy (after all, I had 2 kids under ager 6!). Fortunately, for me, all she did was look at me, each time, and smile and said “Just wait”
SHE WAS RIGHT! I saw her a few months ago after not seeing her for several years as my kids went from elementary school to middle school to high school and then on to college. I reminded her of how nice she was and how RIGHT she was; again, she just smiled and all she said was “told ya”!
So, parents of small chldren, if you think you are busy now, just wait!
Michelle
October 29th, 2009
8:28 am
I don’t necessarily think people without kids waste their time,they just use at how they want. Their perception of being busy is just that, “theirs”! Some parents do a horrible job of managing time too. I think each person does it the best they can.
I know before I had my little one, we would stay up later and watch at least 1-2 TV shows each night. Now, I put the little one to bed and I am right behind him! I’m exhausted by the end of the day!
I enjoyed my time without kids and now I’m enjoying it with.
Annie
October 29th, 2009
8:29 am
Fred – it’s so refreshing to hear from a parent who can see both sides so clearly. However, as you’ll soon see, you are in the minority…
MomtoOne
October 29th, 2009
8:33 am
WOW! I have one child and consider if offensive that Robert P. thinks those without children waste their time. I have many friends who are child free and yet they lead full lives. I am annoyed by people in society who have children and believe that being a parent gives them the authority to speak about how non-parents choose to live their lives. It usually comes across as a jealous and immature. Being a parent has made me more efficient, out of necessity yet I still waste time. Then again, I’m not one of those parents who allows her child to completely rule my schedule. I don’t over schedule our lives to the point that I’m constantly rushing from one activity to another. I manage to find time to do many of the things I did before I was a parent. It comes down to prioritizing your life.
I believe people without kids appreciate their freedom and spend time doing things they enjoy. To sum this up as wasting time reeks of an elitist attitude toward parenting which I feel is wrong and pits parents against non-parents unnecessarily.
pythia
October 29th, 2009
8:36 am
I don’t consider my time wasted; I give my days full attention and appreciation. I also understand that adding children to the mix means that they become the focus of a parent’s day and the adult’s wants and needs become secondary. You made that choice but there is no reason to be smug about it.
JATL
October 29th, 2009
8:40 am
Isn’t it theirs to waste? I find the whole idea offensive -as if everyone should be breeding (when so many fewer actually should). Child-free adults have plenty to do depending on their lifestyles. When you’re responsible for someone else’s actual life, of course you don’t have much time for other things, but as someone who was childless until I was 36, I still had PLENTY to do. Now I have even more to do, but it’s different “stuff”. I love and adore my kids, and I’m really glad I had them, but quite honestly I really (sometimes desperately) miss all of that free time to leisurely read, catch up on rest, exercise, etc. However, just because those things aren’t super productive or involved in child raising doesn’t mean they’re not worthwhile.
@Christina -YES, after you have another you will be shocked at how leisurely your life was with one! I knew adding a second would be much more intense and involved, but DANG!
Gaile
October 29th, 2009
8:41 am
Those without children have the same 24 hours in their day as those with children. I think his theory is stupid beyond belief.
Tig
October 29th, 2009
8:44 am
@JATL
If life is more leisurely with one, I’m glad I only have one, lol, I barely have any non-kiddo time as it is, and when she’s asleep at night doesn’t count!
—
Completely OT, does anybody have any links or tips to offer on a an almost-5-year-old who wants to be Miss Independent and is going through a phase where she’s waking up way early in the morning to steal food from the fridge & pantry (and occasionally hiding it instead of just eating it)?
MomToK
October 29th, 2009
8:49 am
I am definitely busier with “must do” things now that I have a child – up earlier, to bed later, but I would hardly say I “wasted him” before my son was born. I probably didn’t appreciate my “me” time as much as I do now, but I would not say childless people “waste” their time – they “use” it differently.
Oh, and Annie – make up your mind whether you judge or not – in your first line you say that the world should “thank you for not procreating” and the very next line you say you don’t judge others for their choice to have children. Which way is it? Can you see where these two comments are inconsistent with each other?
jg
October 29th, 2009
8:49 am
How unfair and insulting a topic this is! Did you ever consider those who want to have children but can’t? Or can’t afford adoption or fertility specialists? Yes having a family does take up your every waking breath – but it is no reason to frown upon or question why others do not have children.
Meme
October 29th, 2009
8:51 am
So I guess after 35 years of teaching and never having married or had children, I should just call Dr. Kovorkian?
YUKI
October 29th, 2009
8:54 am
I don’t think people without children are “wasting their time”. That is insane. People with kids can waste just as much time, it just depends on what you would consider wasting time. Some people think wasting time is sitting in front of the TV for hours, others do not.
This whole topic is confusing….but like that commercial says…EVERYTHING changes when you have a baby, including your time management. Of course I miss the days when we could travel more, just sit around, do whatever we want, go to dinner or a bar spur of the moment if we wanted to, etc….but I would not trade it for the world. I did all of that in my 20’s and now am ready for life’s next step, which for us is children (or child.) You make sacrifices and that includes giving up the time you had before. You just use your time in a different way. I applaud those who chose not to have children if that is the right choice for them!
New Stepmom
October 29th, 2009
8:58 am
I have a friend who married later in life and made the decision not to have kids so that she could devote that time to less fortunate children. She is an active Guardian Ad Lidem and does many other community oriented activities that helps children whose parents likely should not have had them. The guy that wrote this article is a quack.
Like Fred, I find the tedious hours spent at soccer tournaments a waste of time. I could be at home folding laundry or getting food ready for the week. Do I miss the days of very little responsibility and doing only what I want…at times yes, but I get a lot of other rewards. My thought is those that are child free are spending time doing something that would not other wise get done by those of us stuck at the soccer field…
Dumb writer that seems to regret having children and is taking it out on others….
madmommy
October 29th, 2009
8:58 am
Until I had kids I never knew how much free time I did have. I was free to go to the gym for two hours a day and then just grab a shower and head out on a date or to catch a ball game. Now with kids, I have to fit in that same two hour workout into an hour if I want to catch a game, just turn on the TV at home and have it on in the background while I tend to other things. We all have the same amount of time, just when you have kids you focus in on it more since you more than likely are on a schedule instead of just “playing it by ear” and when taking care of another person, there is more thought that goes into that.
Enjoy it now while you are without children. Don’t fret, you can still do what you want with a bit of planning and time consideration.
Tig: Has she being going through some stresses lately? I know that kids under stress try to create “control” situations and maybe this is her way. Or she is afraid that she is going to be without food for whatever reason. The one thought I have is she has an imaginary friend that she is getting food for. If she’s five, I would think it is more the last thing than anything else.
MomsRule
October 29th, 2009
8:58 am
It is judgmental to state that adults with no children “waste” their time. It is their choice how to spend their time. Just as it is my choice to spend my time raising my kids. Just because we spend our time differently doesn’t mean theirs is a waste.
I do believe that adults without children have better control of their free time. But only because they don’t necessarily have the frequency of last minute deadlines/issues popping up that can instantly change a well planned evening or weekend for an adult with kids. (homework, last minute practice scheduled by coach, kid throwing up, etc.)
Kate
October 29th, 2009
9:05 am
It’s very simple, really: People without kids still have their own time; there is no such thing once you have kids. Your time is no longer your own. And yes, parents are jealous of that “me time” whether they admit it or not. Inherent in being a parent is putting your kids well before yourself.
Tig
October 29th, 2009
9:07 am
@madmommy
She’s never had an imaginary friend, at least not one that she’s mentioned. She eats first thing when she gets to pre-k every morning, so she knows she’s always going to get breakfast.
Her father and I are going through a very amicable divorce and I’m about to be laid off from work in 2 weeks because my office is closing (staying in same house for now though though because housing market stinks), so I guess those might count as stressors for her.
jct
October 29th, 2009
9:10 am
There are 24 hours in the day for everyone. It is up to you how you use them. This argument is pointless.
Becky
October 29th, 2009
9:18 am
I’m with Fred on this one..Time to me is waht you make of it..Anyone that has children are usually busy with the kids, people without kids are busy doing what they want instead of (mostly) what the kids want..I don’t have children, yet I spend a lot of time doing for my nephews kids..
Amy, no one said they didn’t do anything worthwhile until they procreated, so why be so hateful?
Annie, I agree with you about being able to take last minute trips and do spur of the moment things..Before my nephew had twins and I started getting them every weekend, that’s what we used to do..Do I miss it? Yeah sometimes, but I also really enjoy having the kids on the weekends..
Rob Vinson
October 29th, 2009
9:23 am
It’s to each his own. My wife and i currently don’t have kids, but that’s not to say it’s not in the cards for our future. We are self employed and work together selling real estate and i assure you we don’t waste our time. We are up at 6:00 a.m. and don’t go to bed til’ 11:00 p.m. and we are working all of the time. Thus the path we have chosen. The author shouldn’t assume that all married couples who don’t have kids waste their time.
FCM
October 29th, 2009
9:25 am
“Do adults without kids waste their time?” This has to be the most HURTFUL thing I have ever seen. I am shocked, dismasyed and throughly upset you would think to have that as a headline.
Do you know why the adult doesn’t have children? Perhaps like long time reader ‘Jeff’ they are having difficulty conceiving. Perhaps they just never found someone whom they thought they could share their life with until it was ‘too late’ — this happened to my child’s teacher. Perhaps they had enough sense to choose not to bring a child they could not take care of into this world.
I would not have bothered to comment on this idoiocy at all if it weren’t for just how callous the headline reads.
Marcos
October 29th, 2009
9:32 am
Everybody is different! I know people with kids who can’t get organized to save their lives and people without kids who are the most buttoned-up people you could ever meet. I also know people with kids who operate like machines and people without who stare at the wall all day. People are people and no two are the same. This argument is useless and stupid.
Roekest
October 29th, 2009
9:36 am
I used to read a few books a month before my daughter was born. I’ve been on the same book for 2 months…….
DB
October 29th, 2009
9:37 am
Is there a Time Police out there somewhere, that’s keeping track of how we use our time? If so, I’m probably overdue on citations for Illegal Spending of Time.
My husband thinks it’s a complete waste of my time that I write synopsises for two of my favorite TV show for a website. I think my son wastes his time watching “Las Vegas” reruns. My daughter spends inordinate amounts of time texting, which seems a waste of time to me.
The point is — we ALL waste time doing things that are important to us, but not to other people. I will freely and joyously admit that, now that my kids are all in college, I DO have more free time to spend as I wish. Whether I spend it productively or efficiently or choose to waste it is MY business, and no one else’s. Frankly, people who are that are smug about how efficiently they use their time are, to me, boring in the extreme. The comment, “I’ve eliminated people that aren’t important,” simply means that their priorities have changed and that people they once had time for are no longer important in their lives. That’s fine, it happens. But to offer it up on the altar of efficiency and take a back-handed swipe at people who don’t have kids while you’re doing so is fairly narcissistic, if you ask me.
over it
October 29th, 2009
9:37 am
I do what I want, when I want, and how I want without having to explain anything to anyone for any reason. Got it?
ATLien
October 29th, 2009
9:41 am
This reminds me of when I was in college and how I managed my time.
I worked part-time during the first 2 years of college. One semester, my part-time job dwindled from 20 hours a week to 4. I quit and asked my parents if I could take a semester off of working part-time. They approved. My grades fell a bit and it was because I didn’t manage my time properly. When I worked part time, I knew I had to maximize my free time and use it to study then, socialize. When I didn’t work part-time, I felt like I had all the time in the world to study and chose to goof off before studying. The next semester, I went back to working part-time and my grades went back up.
I look back to my pre-child days and really wonder what I did with all of my free time. I wish I had travelled more, volunteered more, and spent more time working on all the projects now piled up in my craft room.
madmommy
October 29th, 2009
9:45 am
Tig, I’m sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time and I think maybe she is over hearing what is going on and thought she would help by putting food aside so she could save the day in the future. I would suggest talking to her at her age level and assuring her that everything will be ok and that regardless of what happens you love her very much. Just talking to a child instead of hiding it all seems to help, but only talk to them at their level of understanding. They don’t need to hear everything, but just enough to keep them in the loop so to speak. Kids understand a lot more than we think they do and they tend to blame themselves, so just try to stay one step ahead of her mind if you can.
Hope this helps and hang in there, there’s always a rainbow at the end of a rainstorm.
Becky
October 29th, 2009
9:46 am
Amen DB..I think you nailed it..I have two coworkers that spend about 2-3 hours per day (at work no less) on the computer looking at their facebooks..Or whatever it’s called..Then they want to tell me everything that they read..One of them goes on both of her childrens daily..To me that is a complete waste of time..I read, my husband thinks that is a waste of time..He wathces 3-4 (or more) hrs. of TV per day..
Christina
October 29th, 2009
9:47 am
I’m with MadMommy. I correct myself on saying “childless” in my first post, as it insinuates the person is missing something. What I meant to say was child-free. And I do agree with the posters who have pointed out that plenty of people who do not have children, devote time and energy to worthwhile causes. I know many adults who don’t have children, who spend time working with underpriveleged children and other charities. If everyone had kids to run the schedules for them, who would be able to help in that way? Not saying that parents can’t volunteer. But most of us can’t uproot our families and spend months in a remote village where our days are devoted to working with the families and children there — or something slightly less dramatic.
It doesn’t bother me that some people have more time than others. There are people without children who are busier than me, and there are others who have children who are less busy than me. I have to agree there is a “coast” period with children: once you past the first few months of around-the-clock feedings and settle into a pattern, the child has very few obligations (unless the parent voluntarily subjects the child to these activities) until the child enters elementary school.
What does bother me is anyone–parent or not–who COMPLAINS about the amount of leisure time in their schedule when their schedule is entirely self-inflicted. Own your choices and shut up about them. If you wish you had more time in the day, then make a serious evaluation of how you spend your time. Can you watch the news WHILE working out, instead of doing those activities separately? Can you run all your errands in one trip, instead of driving back and forth to multiple stores? Can you fold laundry, dry dishes or vacuum while watching your favorite shows (okay, vacuuming might have to wait for commercials)?
CC
October 29th, 2009
9:48 am
Even parents waste time. I can spend a hour on the computer without realizing I have been on for an hour. While adults w/out children do not have to run to pediatric appts, PTA meetings, and trips to the store for poster board for that 5th grade project I don’t think they waste their time anymore than parents do. All adults waste time….
JAMES
October 29th, 2009
9:48 am
The author of this article is mistakenly judgemental and possibly jealous of others because he feels stuck with his kids. The choice to have or not have children is an individual one (or couple)and he and no one else has the right to judge this choice. The only wasted time is time spent judging other people. Maybe if more people would mind there own business instead of sticking there nose in where it does not belong then they may realize that they have 3 fingers pointed back at themselves when they are pointing that index finger at someone else. I work at a homeless shelter for kids and there are a lot of people who should not have had children.
Don't judge lest ye be judged
October 29th, 2009
9:49 am
To use a colloquialism, “Quit Hating.” The author is clearly annoyed b/c he/she doesn’t have time to do all the things he/she wants, and sees someone else who has the time not taking advantage of it. The author made the choice to have children, so stop worrying about the choices others make.
And as info, my wife and I have a one year old so we recognize that free time is not as available as it used to be. Doesn’t make us irked b/c others make different decisions.
Happyatheart
October 29th, 2009
9:53 am
I also find this an insult. I am child free by choice. So if I am studying, working full time, volunteering at local animal shelters or any number of other things that keep me busy I am wasting my time. This definition is provided by whom? I do not attack those who choose to have children (and believe me, I could, there are some that should not), so why are those who choose not to attacked. I also find this article a huge judgment. Pigeon holing if you will. Not all parents are good, not all childfree are bad just like any other stereotype or judgment, please don’t judge me!!
Jesse's Girl
October 29th, 2009
9:53 am
I think more people need to make the choice to not have children. More folks need to make heart felt..intelligent choices for their lives…babies or no. I love to hear of my childless freinds’ lives! They are all doing exactly what they want with their time and energy. And they feel the same about me! They get a huge kick out of all my kid-ventures! I do wish I had just one day back so that I could appreciate even more my life now….wouldn’t change anytihng I have done however. I would defintely spend the whole day in one cool city doing what ever I wanted with Jesse….
nena
October 29th, 2009
9:58 am
No way..if you do not have kids…stay like that…is better..I am telling you…too much responsability and you give that to others (daycare, schools , summer camps etc..) to take care of them…so why having them?? ..it is not easy..and also in these days worse!!..they are so precious to having them and not bing able to take care of them..
FCM
October 29th, 2009
10:01 am
Tig– The divorce is likely the source of her new behavior. It takes forever for kids to trust it will be ok. She is young so try this:
Make promises to her and keep them — simple things, like tonight we get to watch a movie before bed!
Keep a routine — for me it was every Friday night was pizza and a movie in PJs in Mom’s room. We did that every week for 18 months and the kids got the point it was “tonights movie night’. More importantly the grandparents did the same thing when at their house after they realized just how much the kids depended on that one routine. Now we are about 2 years removed from that routine and they are cool with TV and whatever besides pizza for dinner on Friday.
We also made a routine of when we would do certain things.
From her world things just took a Tsunami and its time to show her how to trust on it to be stable again.
Uconn
October 29th, 2009
10:04 am
No matter kids or not, aren’t you supposed to make sure that YOU are taken care of first so that you can take care of everybody else? What good does it do anyone in your household if mom or dad is stressed and tired because they put the needs of everyone else first? I think Madmommy is the one who works out. I APPLAUD you… Taking time to work out is probably the best thing a parent can do. At least I know when I work out, my head is so much clearer and it releases A LOT of stress. Less stress = happier people.
As for the spur of the moment things, obviously one can’t do that when they have kids, everything has to be planned. Good for me since I am such a planner :).
I just have a problem when people say the needs of kids outweigh adults. Ummm Aren’t the adults (the parents)supposed to make sure their marriage is strong and they have time for each other? That way when the kids leave the parents still like each other?
Maybe I will gain a new perspective when I have kids, but when I do I still want to be me…
A
October 29th, 2009
10:07 am
Sorry but this is a really lame topic. Whether you have kids or not, how you choose to spend your time is totally up to you. You can be as organized as you need to me, or you can veg in front of the TV. If you have kids, they are your priority, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do things for yourself as well. If you don’t have kids, that’s great too and you can manage your time how you wish.
I have a child, yet I’m tired of the whole “mommy martyr” complex as well. When people with kids complain about this or that, I always think to myself then why did you have kids. Really people, you made your bed!
Georgia Daaawg
October 29th, 2009
10:08 am
Sitting around on a computer blogging is a waste of time…yet both parents and no-parents are wasting their time doing it! I mean is blogging with strangers on a newspaper blog an efficient use of time? Oh the irony of this topic!
Pamela
October 29th, 2009
10:12 am
I will not say that people without children waste time. Each and every one of us have 24 or 25 hours in a day (when the time goes back one hour)and it’s up to each individual how they are going to spend that time. I sometimes find that single people don’t have a clue what it’s like to be a parent…especially a single parent trying to make ends meet. Even if they were raised in a single parent home they really don’t understand what it’s like. You really don’t have time for yourself until your child(ren) actually goes away to college.
YUKI
October 29th, 2009
10:18 am
I’m pretty sure you just read all of the entries and made one yourself…so…..
jt
October 29th, 2009
10:21 am
People with older kids make their own schedules busy. There is reason your child has to be a Chello player/soccer player/baseball player/dancer/karate master/quarterback/basketball player all at once if the don’t want to. I see these people shuttling their kids around to 5 different practices in one day and they kids don’t even want to be there. I don’t know about you but i’ve got a job in the afternoons if my kids WANTS to play sports or have an activity thats great and i’ll make it happen. But if they want to go to school and learn then come home and do homework and after that just relax with tv or video games fine with me because i like to do that too. Sure I would like my kid to be the next Chipper Jones but if he doesn’t want to then why force him and yourself.
Let them grow
October 29th, 2009
10:24 am
Why is this a topic anyway. People that have kids love them and they just fit in to their lives. People that dont have kids dont want them. Its up to the people. Find another topic to write about.
tj09
October 29th, 2009
10:26 am
Here’s the problem with his “theory”: while there is a point to be made that having children can cause people to become more stingy with their time and thus more efficient than they may have been before they had kids, the reverse is not necessarily true (that those without kids are inherently inefficient or waste time). That is either really silly logic, or (I think) just bait for controversy in order to get attention.
Jesse's Girl
October 29th, 2009
10:29 am
Change the topic people…as long as its semi-intelligent…Theresa won’t care. Talk as you wish.
Nora
October 29th, 2009
10:34 am
I’ve raised four children and now that they’re grown I have free time like I never knew before. There is just no comparison whatsoever in the time you have to yourself when you aren’t caring for children. When I spend a day babysitting my grandson I remember very clearly how much time childcare takes. The days I take care of him I get little else done (although I love every minute of it!)
motherjanegoose
October 29th, 2009
10:39 am
We ALL waste time. I know I have wasted lots of it on this blog but mostly, I enjoy being here. Today, I do not have to be at a meeting until after lunch and so I am enjoying a casual morning, reading the paper and actually sitting down for breakfast.
To me, the difference is having 24/7 radar about what is going on with your kids…it can be more mental than physical. Since I am spending 18 nights in hotels this month awaya from my family, I do not consider myself a helicopter mom…my daughter and I sat down and discussed the agenda. She is 17 and quite mature for her age. She gets hereslf up and off and rmembers when she is scheduled to work at her jobs. She also fixes dinner. My son is with us for a while. My husband is there too. They can figure it out BUT I do sometimes wonder how things are going. I call once a day.
Typically, those who do not have children are not concerned about a fever at 2 a.m., no milk in the fridge, do we have markers and a glue stick for that last minute homework assignment, whose turn is it to drop off or pick up the kids, is there clean underwear?
My daughter handed me a packet for her graduation announcements yesterday morning before I headed to three Kinder shows and the airport. She called me last night to see if I went throught the packet…NO. Then said, these are supposed to be turned in Friday. HAHA! I am in Wisconsin and considering how much they cost, I will not make a decision in haste….we have 7 MONTHS until graduation….surely some get wedding invitations ordered and printed in less time.
Next year, it will just be my husband…me and our dog. I will still wonder what is up with the kids but not having them on a day to day basis WILL give me more time. It was my choice to have kids and one I will NEVER regret.
Have a nice day all!
motherjanegoose
October 29th, 2009
10:42 am
Here is a new topic, if anyone is interested:
Will the H1N1 change your mind about eating at buffets?
I am at the Holiday Inn and did think about germs ( a bit) as I picked up my eggs, bacon and biscuits from the food counter.
I personally do not eat at Ryans or Golden Corral EVER …too much of a cattle call for me!
Stephanie
October 29th, 2009
10:45 am
i dont have kids. i dont waste my time. people who choose to have kids just decide to give up everything important to them (fun-wise) and dedicate their lives to that baby for the next 18 years. i go camping, watch TV, sleep in as late as i want on my days off, travel, work out, cook nice meals, lay around when i want, and i love life. no time wasting here! perfectly happy and i love kids but they are definately NOT for me.
whatever
October 29th, 2009
10:47 am
For all the parents who think we non-parents have it made?? Well privately we do. However at work, WE do plenty of the part you’re getting paid for. We’re in the office when you’re claiming your kid(s) are sick for a week straight. We’re in the office when you’ve got to take your kid to the doctor at 2:30 on Friday afternoon. We’re in the office during the unexpected catastrophe that you couldn’t handle bacause you’ve got a kid to pick up. When over-time is called for, guess who the boss assumes is automatically required to drop everything?? There’s a deadline, but your kid comes first, so guess who’d stuck fixing the problem however long it takes? And if we didn’t, YOU wouldn’t have a job tomorrow. Your family time may be limited, but you take plenty of advantage of work hours and fellow employees. You made your choice and you milk it to your advantage so I don’t get this whole thread
JJ
October 29th, 2009
10:49 am
WEll, let’s see, I’ve managed to raise a child, work a full time job and still have plenty of time for ME..
I’m able to be spontaneous and go out of town at the drop of a hat. I’ve always been like that, kid or no kid. If I wanted to go somewhere or do something, the kid never stopped me from enjoying life. As a result, she is spontaneous and loves getting in the car, and going North, just to see where we end up.
This is a silly topic. Like the other poster have said, we all get the same 24 hours a day. It’s up to YOU how to use them wisely.
Jesse's Girl
October 29th, 2009
10:49 am
Ok Stephanie..now you’re playing the game. People with kids don’t give up the important-fun things. How stupid. Its all about choices and balance.
Kendall
October 29th, 2009
10:54 am
I wouldn’t say childless couples waste time but it is easier for them to do things on the fly and without limitation. It’s two very different lifestyles and like comparing apples to oranges.
Jimbo
October 29th, 2009
10:55 am
Oh parents, get off your cross. If your kids are held as evidence, a significant portion of you need to spend MORE time with your kids.
Christina
October 29th, 2009
11:03 am
Stephanie,
By all means, if kids are for you, then carry on. Too many people have kids who aren’t commited to the responsibility. But you don’t have to give up everything enjoyable when you have kids. I get up at 4:45 am so I can have a 30-minute run in the mornings. On Saturdays, I put him in the jogging stroller and take him with me for a nice, long, 4-mile run. The days I don’t run, I feel like there is extra weight on my shoulders. When my husband and I want to have a date night (or afternoon), our parents are thrilled to watch their grandson for a little while (and even more excited if it’s a sleepover).
I don’t sleep in. But even before I had my son, I considered 8 a.m. to be sleeping in. Now, 7 a.m. is sleeping in–big time. Any later than that, and I truly feel like I’m wasting my day. Personally, I’d rather be up and enjoying some “me” time before the little one is up and at it.
Sure, we haven’t been camping since he came along. We haven’t been out of the country since then. We certainly haven’t booked tickets for a spur-of-the-moment international trip with just weeks to plan (did that before we became parents). The only time we’ve been to a bar since he was born, is when we were out of town without him. We spent our week at the beach making sure he wasn’t too hot in the sun, too hungry, too thirsty, too close to the water, etc. But you know what? I’m fine with it. We got away for three days and went to Charleston for our wedding anniversary. The little man got some enjoyable grandparent time. At this time in our lives, we find it much more enjoyable to see the look of excitement on his face when we pull him across the back yard at “break neck” speed in his wagon–than spend time at a bar. Been there, done that, ready for the next thing. But I definitely don’t have any less enjoyable activity now; it’s just a change in the definition of what I find enjoyable.
And I watch TV, too. The DVR helps a lot. :-) We don’t have to “waste” time sitting through commercials, and we can watch movies in increments of 30-60 minutes, which is usually all we can stay awake for on any given night.
cookie19
October 29th, 2009
11:05 am
I am childless and like to stay busy. It depends on your environment. I work 40 + hours a week and attend college classes. My sister has a one year old so I spend a lot of time with her since we live close together. As far as exercise, if you really wanted to do it, you would make time for it. Some people make their kids their world and really do not have ENOUGH to do. Until the kids are 3 years old, yes you will be busy as a parent. After that, get the kid involved in after school/recreational activities (sports or reading groups).
Kendall
October 29th, 2009
11:07 am
Whatever, I have to disagree with you. If a project or deadline is at hand, the person to whom it is assigned is responsible to see it completed. When I was working, I never saw a co-worker get tapped on the shoulder to do my work so I could go home to my family. I stayed many a night until 9:00 completing presentations that had to be emailed to a client. And if you feel that way, have some kids and join the party my friend. Then you too can “milk” the calls from school or family obligations.
Faye
October 29th, 2009
11:11 am
How timely! Last Friday, my sister — parent of one 5-year-old — emailed me mid-afternoon to ask if I could take my nephew all day Saturday. She and her husband were both sick and she didn’t want her son to be stuck at home all day with his sick parents. In her email she acknowledged that she knew I had a lot going on (because we had talked earlier in the week about various plans we each had), but then said she hoped I could move my plans aside to watch my nephew. So that’s it in a nutshell: Because I do not have children, all of my life can be rearranged at the drop of a hat.
YUKI
October 29th, 2009
11:12 am
Kendall, I agree with you! Whatever just sounds bitter.
Kat
October 29th, 2009
11:12 am
I think people without children can do whatever they want with their time. Perhaps they spend hours of their time appreciating the time that they have without kids. I have three – I know I’d appreciate some free time.
Christina
October 29th, 2009
11:15 am
Whatever – I have to disagree, too. Go back and read the blog a couple days ago about keeping kids home when they’re sick. Seriously, first parents are chastized for sending kids to school when they’re sick and now you’re complaining that we’re keeping them home longer than necessary. As I said on that topic, my son had ear infections (among other viruses – thank you daycare) for five months straight. Yes, I missed a lot of time in the office for doctor appointments and fevers. But when I was home, I had the laptop with me in the kitchen so I could keep an eye on him, and I was responding to e-mails, completing assignments and turning around documents almost as quickly as if I had been in the office. In fact, I have to argue that my sick son is less of a distraction than some of my coworkers. The person who used to be my boss has never had children and didn’t understand how susceptible they are to germs. When one of our coworkers was out for a week because her daughter had the flu, my then-boss treated her like she was playing hookie. Meanwhile, I was getting just as much e-mail response from her as I do when she’s in the office . . . kids really do get sick A LOT. And unless you want us spreading their germs to everyone else, we need to keep them home.
Annie
October 29th, 2009
11:34 am
MomToK……..that was humor; which was obviously lost on some people. In the future, I’ll try to keep all emotion out of my comments
jack5656
October 29th, 2009
11:53 am
Jesus didn’t have children……I bet there were a bunch of parents looking at him and muttering “Sure…I could be a SAVIOUR too if I was child free!”
Perspective
October 29th, 2009
11:54 am
It is not possible to compare two people because there are no two people on this planet that are 100% identical.
I think what this article is really saying is this:
“I never realized how much time I wasted prior to having children. Now that I have kids, I realize I could have done so much more with that extra time.”
While this is a great realization, it doesn’t give you the right to compare anyone to your former self. It does give you the right to inform people who may not realize how much time/effort it takes to raise a kid. That would be much better received and would have the potential to positively impact more people.
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
October 29th, 2009
12:07 pm
Speaking of time — left at 9 back at 12 from doctors office and getting meds — No swine flu here thank goodness!! Just bronchitis for both son and Dad — they didn’t keep their hats on in the 45 degree tent!!! I did!! Very, Very relieved!! I love Zithromax!!
JJ
October 29th, 2009
12:15 pm
Theresa, sleeping in 45 degree weather without a hat DOES NOT get you bronchitis…….cold weather does not make you sick.
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
October 29th, 2009
12:17 pm
I know germs cause illness not cold. clearly a germ was present. If you body is cold or wet your resistance is lowered.
Jessica
October 29th, 2009
12:31 pm
JJ, exposing yourself to cold weather doesn’t make you sick, but it can affect your body’s ability to fight off illness.
Sugar
October 29th, 2009
12:37 pm
People who are without kids are going to be very lonely when they get old. No one will be there to take care of them. No grandchildren. The will end up at the Nursing home all alone and no one will come visit them. Makes for a lonely life…….No thank you. I love my kids, glad I have them, wouldn’t do anything different. they are the reason I get up in the mornings. They are the reason I work harder, play harder and enjoy living.
They have never wasted my time, or been a burden. They are THE BEST thing that EVER happened to me. I cannot imagine life without my kids. There is such a personal reward in my life. I’m happier now that I have kids.
I could not imagine going through life without kids.
Photius
October 29th, 2009
12:44 pm
Hey Sugar, stuff it. Having children is not all about you, however it sure sound like it from what you wrote. Many people are very happy without children – so be happy for what you have and keep fillant selfish comments such as above to yourself please. Life and children are not all about you; in 100 years nobody will remember your name anyway and were all going to be dust soon…
Becky
October 29th, 2009
12:45 pm
People that choose to have children do not always give up fun thigns in their life..As someone else said, different times, different day..Most people as they get older (IMO) want to do different things..If I want to spend 2 hours (like Fred)waiting on my two little ones to do something that takes them five minutes, that is my right..I just think that your time is yours to make of it what you want..
Denise
October 29th, 2009
12:45 pm
Single and no kids, here. Nothing I choose to do with my time is a waste of it. If I decide I just want to sit on my couch and daydream it’s a good time spent to me because that is what I want to do. In fact, I might do that tonight! When someone has kids, he or she has to do different things in life than I do but that doesn’t mean he/she spends his/her time more “wisely”. He/she just has more obligations to fit into life. I think the whole subject reeks of someone feeling burdened and jealous of the free time that is lost when the kids come along.
jack5656
October 29th, 2009
12:57 pm
wow Sugar….way to be sensitive to those who are physically incapable of having children by telling them that, through no fault of their own, they are destined to have sad, lonely, pathetic twilights of their lives because there is no other relationship in life that can fill the void of not having children. Someone to take care of you when you can’t control your bodily functions or chew solid foods. Thanks though for the insight, because I had no idea that all those ederly folks in those assisted living facilities were childless. I mean, by your logic, no child would willingly send their parents there, right?
Becky
October 29th, 2009
1:00 pm
Uhhh Sugar, I have a sister that has 3 daughters and she’s lonely..She devoted her entire life to them as they were growing up..Now she’s lucky to see any one of them once per month..Two of them live within a 5 mile readius of her..Guess what? When they grow up, your might not be there for you, so don’t think that people without children will grow up to be very lonely people..
On the other hand I have a very good friend that he and his wife chose to not have kids and they are not lonely or missing out on anything..They are both retired and travel all over the country and live very fulfilling lives..Again, toeach their own to have or not to have..
Sugar
October 29th, 2009
1:34 pm
Oh sorry. Here I am expressing an opinion, and saying how glad I am I made the decision to have kids, and a few of you get testy…..WTF?
whatever
October 29th, 2009
1:46 pm
Nope, not bitter, just seen it happen over and over. Yes kids do get sick alot, but some parents also pimp that. I’ve seen co-workers with kids who only get sick on Mondays and Fridays. Even if YOU’VE never done it, others have and do. My boss mentioned the Monday/Friday pattern and all of a sudden the kid was only sick on Tuesdays and Thursday from then on. I’ve seen this a thousand times so congratulations if you have a laptop at home or take your kids to work. ALL parents are NOT as responsible to their jobs as YOU are.
Becky
October 29th, 2009
1:46 pm
Sugar, its the way that you expressed your opinion that makes it sound like you were being nasty..We just expressed our opinion on the fact that not all people that don’t have kids will be lonely when they get older..
FCM
October 29th, 2009
2:02 pm
@ Annie regarding: “I fear this will be another posting that prompts people to look down on childless people as sub par or something.”
Did we surprise you?
Meme
October 29th, 2009
2:26 pm
whatever
October 29th, 2009
10:47 am
I have to give you an A+ for that statement. It has happened to me many times.
jack5656
October 29th, 2009
2:28 pm
Sugar…Becky is right, the packaging in which you expressed your opinion was at best, insensitive, and at worst condescending. To make a statement like childless people will end up “lonely” and “in nursing homes where no one will visit them” as if it were fact was just too much of a stretch to not get some backlash. And to follow it up with you why you’re not going to be doomed to that fate because of the decisions you made in your life was pretty sanctimonious.
Riley
October 29th, 2009
2:31 pm
@Faye
Wow, I hope your sister knows that you really care that little about family if you talk about her like that. So your sister and her husband are sick and they ask, not demand but ask, if you can watch your nephew and you feel singled out because you’re single? Can you even see the ground from up there on your high horse?
Meme
October 29th, 2009
2:35 pm
@ Riley, If Faye’s sister is like some I have seen her asking is in a way that to refuse would be a family feud.
Riley
October 29th, 2009
2:39 pm
@Meme
Possibly true, but it’s more her feeling asked ONLY because she was single that I felt was the main issue.
Meme
October 29th, 2009
2:43 pm
Being single and childless, I choose to spend as much time as possible with my sister’s grandchildren (just like I did with my siblings children). I also do a lot of volunteer work at my school because so many of the teachers have families. Do I regret not having children. Yes, I do. However, I never married and so that was out of the question.
madmommy
October 29th, 2009
3:27 pm
I know that when I was single I was asked to watch my neices and nephews a million and one times and not once have I asked them to keep my child. My friends and I exchange kids from time to time since it’s easier to watch two toddlers than one since they have someone to play with.
If you can help, then help but if not offer to take him/her to a friends house for a while or see if they can visit some other family members for a while or just tell them you’ve had these plans for a while now and although you would like to help, it’s just not possible this weekend. Done. Not sure how old they are, but they can figure out other things to do, it is Haloween weekend. Surely they have some friends they could hang out with or go to a sleep over (most of those are planned on the fly).
There are always ways in which to do more with your time, it’s all about balance and timing. Both of us still play sports every week and pretty much do the important things we want to do, so you just have to find the time. It’s there, you just have to figure it out and make it work for everyone, can’t just be about one person all the time. Working out and running are important to me and so I am going to find the time to get that done.
madmommy
October 29th, 2009
3:28 pm
Just read what I wrote and I really need to proof read a bit more before sending things in. Geez, it’s horrible and I’m sorry to anyone to reads that and trys to understand what I wrote. Ugh!
JJ
October 29th, 2009
3:39 pm
Thresa, how about a Halloween topic tomorrow please? Like do you let your kids trick or treat?…….OR share your memories of a dying custom, Trick or Treating…..How do you Trick or treat, with family, neighbors, with or without alcohol….LOL
Are there any Halloween customs people do?
Let’s have some fun tomorrow…..I for one am exhausted from work and would like some fun…..thanks.