Does more housework equal more sex?
We now know why French maids are always getting it on – apparently the more housework you do, the more sex you are likely to have.
The Wall Street Journal’s Sue Shellenbarger reports that a new study shows that for men and women the more housework they help with the more likely they are to have sex with their spouse.
“Earlier studies have hinted at this connection for men; the sight of a husband mopping the floor or doing dishes sparks affection in the hearts of many wives. But the more-housework-equals-more-sex link for wives, documented in a study of 6,877 married couples published online recently in the Journal of Family Issues, is a surprise…”
” ‘Rather than compromise their sex life’ because of time demands at work or at home, ‘this group of go-getters seems to make sex a priority,’ says Constance Gager, lead researcher and an assistant professor of family and child studies at Montclair State University, Montclair, N.J. The study doesn’t measure what proportion of spouses fall into this group, but she believes “they are on the leading edge of couples we expect to see more of in the future.”
The study defined housework as: cleaning, preparing meals, washing dishes, washing and ironing clothes, driving family members around, shopping, yard work, maintaining cars and paying bills.
“Wives in the study spent an average 41.8 hours a week on these tasks, compared with 23.4 hours for husbands—a split that is fairly typical, and often regarded by wives as unfair. However, the effects of any fairness concerns among wives weren’t measured in this study.”
“Outside the home, husbands spent an average 33.8 hours a week on paid work, compared with 19.7 hours for wives. Couples reported having sex 82.7 times a year on average, or 1.6 times a week, about the same as in other studies.”
(That doesn’t seem like very much sex. I’m wondering what the number was if they weren’t doing housework together?)
Shellenbarger interviewed other couples about why more housework would lead to more sex and here were some of their reasons:
- The couple is working together;
- Shows a commitment by the spouses to their homelife;
- Promotes friendship and intimacy;
- Shows a selflessness and a concern for each other’s priorities and needs;
- A time and place to do it;
- They could relax now that the house is organized and clean
But beware, you can’t go all perfectionist on your spouse. That was a mood killer.
What do you think? Does doing housework with your spouse make you want to do it? Does seeing your spouse take initiative with housework get you hot and bothered? What tasks would earn them the most “points”? Do you think they help expecting to get something in return later? What is it about doing housework that would make you want to do it more?
(P.S. I will update on the camping trip on Tuesday. I promised you a sex topic on Friday for Monday so the update will have to wait!)
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77 comments Add your comment
Vork
October 26th, 2009
9:03 am
This should be an interesting day.
Question: How the hell do you have sex 1.6 times per week? I see 2 times per week or 1 time per week. Perhaps it counts the times when you do it while your partner is sleeping? Someone “splain” this to me. and not MJG. I need a simple answer not farking War and Peace.
lmno
October 26th, 2009
9:15 am
There is nothing in this world that angers a woman more than the sight of a man relaxing.
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
October 26th, 2009
9:18 am
Maybe they started but didn’t finish.
Sugar
October 26th, 2009
9:21 am
Yawn……..
Gill bates
October 26th, 2009
9:24 am
Sorry, this is another example of a BS study.
Many people use housework to blow-off tension and energy, as a replacement for other things.
The tendentious nature of this article makes the whole premise suspect.
not saying
October 26th, 2009
9:26 am
I am sure Hunter will respond BUT –
I find nothing sexier than a man who eases my burden by doing a child care or housework task for me. Something as simple as getting milk from the store or loading the dishwasher puts me a more favorable frame of mind. (This was true when I was married too).
YUKI
October 26th, 2009
9:38 am
It certainly doesn’t hurt the cause.
notgonnagiveit
October 26th, 2009
9:42 am
Vork: you really are proving yourself to be a complete idiot and I mean that in the technical sense of the word.
Well, Vork...
October 26th, 2009
9:48 am
…since you asked I will “splain” it to you – you get the .6 when you use the Bill Clinton definition of what sex is or isn’t, as in “I did not have sex with that woman”.
Barbara
October 26th, 2009
9:49 am
What about yard work or other manly duties that a wife isn’t necessarily expected to do?? We always hear about the housework side of things but it really is a two way street. Honestly it sounds almost like a poor husband has to bribe his wife to have sex by performing some household task like a circus monkey!
This study is another fine example of a huge waste of time & money. And the way you promoted the sex blog last week, I was expecting great things from you, but this ended up being a bit of a let down.
Jeff
October 26th, 2009
9:51 am
Such a bogus study. Why not a study showing the more sex you initiate with the husband (a la dating), the more housework he happily does?
Cindy
October 26th, 2009
9:53 am
If you are a SAHM, then the responsibility is yours.
Don’t expect hubby to come home from working all day long (so you don’t have to work outside the home), to help out with the kids or housework.
IF both partners work outside the home, then it’s BOTH their responsibility to maintain the home together.
I don’t get why men don’t feel they have to help out around THEIR own homes……
My husband and I do housework together, every Saturday morning. We do light housekeeping during the week, but the heavy duty stuff, mopping floors, cleaning bathrooms, is all done once day a week. We clean the garage out once a year, usually this time of the year. With both of us doing the housework, it frees up A LOT of time for us to do fun things…….plus, if you keep up with it, there really isn’t that much to do. And we have plenty of free time for each other.
JJ
October 26th, 2009
9:53 am
do your housework nekkid, and see what happens…….
Stan
October 26th, 2009
10:02 am
I did my yard work nekkid but the neighbors complained…
JJ
October 26th, 2009
10:07 am
Stan, they were complaining you weren’t doing it often enough…..LOL….
Jeff
October 26th, 2009
10:12 am
My guess is that this doesn’t apply to most women on here. It’s just their perception of everyone-else’s relation
Jeff
October 26th, 2009
10:15 am
My guess is that this doesn’t apply to most women on here. It’s just their perception of everyone-else’s relationship
Mork
October 26th, 2009
10:24 am
Vork is a dork. What else would you expect to come from that little brain of hers.
madmommy
October 26th, 2009
10:25 am
Ok, so if he does just take care of a few things and help out, I will admit that I do think about “paying him back” later after the kids go to bed. Not that he cares or notices that is the reason why, but it is nice when someone notices the work that you do. Now, I will say that it is hard to not have the OCD kick in and re-do everything h has done, so I just wait until the next time around that it needs to be cleaned and address it then.
I have a feeling that if more people just gave their spouse a few kind words and noticed them once in a while, there would be a lot more sex had by all. You always get more fly’s with honey.
Cindy
October 26th, 2009
10:29 am
Ohhhhh JJ, I like that idea!!!! Nekkid housework…. Maybe I’ll give it a go this weekend, and see how hubby likes THAT. I’m sure I can get him to participate…
Oh, no, madmommy...
October 26th, 2009
10:49 am
…you are one of those using sex as a reward – please say that is not exactly how you meant “I will admit that I do think about “paying him back” later after the kids go to bed”.
Theresa Walsh Giarrusso
October 26th, 2009
10:55 am
Don’t you remember from Seinfeld there’s good naked and bad naked. Remember the girlfriend fixing her bike naked. Jerry was not turned on.
Abby
October 26th, 2009
10:58 am
So ye complain when he doesn’t help around the house, and when he does help around the house it’s not always up to your standards, leaving you itching to do it yourself anyway. The poor guy can’t win for losing with some of you.
And I hope & pray I never stoop to use sex as a reward for good behaviour. I have sex with my husband because I love him and I’m as hot for him now as I was when we first met, not because he emptied a bloody dishwasher!
Bravo. Abby...
October 26th, 2009
11:26 am
Bravo!
Jesse's Girl
October 26th, 2009
11:27 am
There is most DEFINITELY good nekkid and bad nekkid. There are parts of us that no one should see bending at certain angles. As for equating more housework to more sex…ah..I don’t buy it. It isn’t housework women are yearning for. Its more intimacy….more hugging without expecting nookie. More kisses on the cheek without groping our boobies. More little notes left in unexpected places. I don’t get frisky when Jesse does the dishes.
DB
October 26th, 2009
11:42 am
I’ve always hated the idea of sex as currency. And I really dislike the idea of a man “helping” around the house is goig to turn me on. Helping? Hello, it’s his darn house, too! As far as I’m concerned, he’s just doing his job, just like I am. I don’t expect to be rewarded for doing what needs to be done, and what has needed to be done for 30 years. Yeah, it’s nice to be appreciated, and often we’ll have to take up the slack for each other if the other gets busy — but the idea that watching him wash the dishes gets me all hot and bothered is just silly.
Photius
October 26th, 2009
12:13 pm
Women get turned on by a man cooking a wonderful fresh from scratch meal…. and cleaning up. Downside is if the meal is really good, woman eat to much and no want to do it after; too full
Stan
October 26th, 2009
12:25 pm
Jesse’s Girl, I know I can’t help but to grope the boobies…
SlugWorth
October 26th, 2009
12:36 pm
Mama always said life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what your gonna get. Women are supposed to clean the house and men earn the bacon. Now stick to the plan. Get that apron on and clean them toilets while your at it. I’m gonna lounge. Where’s my remote!
Lisa
October 26th, 2009
12:38 pm
You know what will get you more nookie in the bedroom fellas?
1) Have dinner cooked for ME when I walk through the door. Have the kids all cleaned up and homework done. Then let ME go relax while you do EVERYTHING else……
2) Take a 1/2 day off from work, and come and get me and whisk me away for the weekend……
3) Send me funny cards for no reason at all…
4) Play hookey from work, and call my boss too, send the kids to school, and let’s stay in bed all day.
5) Send the kids to either Grandparents for the weekend, and plan NOTHING…..let’s be spontaneous.
Take some initiative……..THAT’s what’s sexy……
But expecting a little just because you took out the trash and saved me all of 3 minutes? Oh Hell to the naw!!!!!
Lisa
October 26th, 2009
12:48 pm
Hey fellas, here’s your best way to more nookie……
1) Take 1/2 day off from work, and come get me, and whisk me away for the afternoon.
2) Send the kids to either of our parents, or have them stay with friends, and schedule NOTHING…..let’s be spontaneous.
OR
Take the entire day off from work, call my boss and tell them I won’t be in either. Send the kids to school…….schedule nothing.
3) Send me funny or romantic cards in the mail, for no reason at all…..
4) Have MY dinner ready for ME when I get home, and have the kids all taken care of. Let ME relax while you do the nightly chores……
5) Grocery shop for the night/week…..I don’t care what you bring home…..
6) 2) Tell me that you love me. I need to hear those words.
7) Tell the kids you love them, then tell them you love me. The most important thing a father can do for his kids is to love their mother.
8) Schedule time for just you and the kids. Make special dates with your children….make a special date with each child.
9) Tell me to go get a pedicure, because that is the ONLY thing I do for myself. Tell me that the kids are fine, and you can handle everything for an hour or two.
BUT DON’T:
1) Grope my boobies when I’m up to my elbows in dirty dishes. That does NOT turn me on…….it actually turns me off…..
Lisa
October 26th, 2009
12:49 pm
Oops, I didn’t know my first post showed up. I got a message “server couldn’t be found.”
Hunter of MILF
October 26th, 2009
12:53 pm
Hello Ladies,
SOOO many places I could go with this topic but I think I will keep it PG and say that it would be fun to do the deed while doing housework…..nothing like buffing the floors and the table and the walls and the bed and the bathroom and the kitchen and the garage and the basement and oh hell for giggles how about on the car in the garage.
Vork
October 26th, 2009
12:57 pm
The Vork that posted at 9:03 AM is an imposter…. I have no interest in this pointless topic.
Hunter of MILF
October 26th, 2009
1:00 pm
@Lisa
How ya doin?
Jessica
October 26th, 2009
1:05 pm
If the house is clean and the chores are done, we are much more likely to get affectionate. Besides, that giant pile of laundry on the bed can really get in the way…
Lisa
October 26th, 2009
1:05 pm
Hunter – been there, done that (on the car), slid off…..broke two fingers……
Hunter of MILF
October 26th, 2009
1:07 pm
Awe come on Jessica doin it in pile of laundry that just came out of the dryer is way hawt.
I call BS on Lisa...
October 26th, 2009
1:09 pm
…just what we need, more instructions on how to make wifey happy AND sexy.
Let’s see, “call the grandparents and send the kids there or to friends for the weekend/night and let’s be spontaneous” – really, you call that spontaneous? Now even the grandparents know what you are doing!
“Take a half day off from work” – yeah, in this economy you are going to play hooky from work? That is spontaneous, and enough to get one or both fired!
“Don’t grab my boobies” (directed to Jesse’s girl, too) – hey, for some of us that is as close to intimacy that you will let us get!
I already play with the kids, just as you do; I already clean the house, maybe not “just like you”, but the effort is there; I can care for the kids without you and have for many years, so just go get the dang pedicure and STFU!
Hunter of MILF
October 26th, 2009
1:19 pm
@I call BS on Lisa…
Sounds like you have what we call, “blue balls.” Dude….that sucks hardcore.
Ladies: hunterofmoms@gmail.com
Mork
October 26th, 2009
1:23 pm
Aw come on Vork. You’re a pain. Fess up.
Hey, MILF Hunter...
October 26th, 2009
1:27 pm
…strange choice of words right after you type “blue balls”.
Lisa
October 26th, 2009
1:28 pm
I agree with Hunter. Just because your wife won’t let you near her, doesn’t mean ALL wives are like that. I don’t appreciate been groped when my hands are full. Any other time, ok, but not when I’m defenseless….unless you want a face full of dirty dish water……and that can be arranged……
I love me some loving!!!!! I’ve NEVER turned my husband down…….EVER!!!!
Hunter of MILF
October 26th, 2009
1:31 pm
@Hey, MILF Hunter…
True…but effective nontheless.
Hunter of MILF
October 26th, 2009
1:43 pm
@not saying
How ya doin?
Codex
October 26th, 2009
1:52 pm
Who likes doggy style?
Jesse's Girl
October 26th, 2009
4:16 pm
If thats as close to intimacy as your wife lets you get…see a coucelor. Cause that crap ain’t right.
nurse&mother
October 26th, 2009
4:23 pm
I can only speak for myself… I am much more relaxed and can “enjoy” my spouse when the house is clean.
DB
October 26th, 2009
6:42 pm
N&M, if I waited until the house was clean before I relaxed . . . my husband would NEVER get any! ;-)
JATL
October 26th, 2009
6:49 pm
I can certainly say that if my husband did more around the house (and I’m not just talking housework per se, but yard work and home maintenance that he never wants to hire help to do, but then has to be nagged constantly into doing), I would be MUCH more amorous toward him on a regular basis. I think it kind of goes to a respect issue. He rifles through closets and drawers, turning them upside down constantly, mixes dirty and clean clothes together, considers cleaning to be shoving everything in a closet and I feel like it’s more than a hassle, but a complete disrespect for part of my job. Anyway, whenever he DOES do things around here, I do find myself feeling more loving toward him.
FCM
October 26th, 2009
7:06 pm
Hunter of MILF first let me say I am doing quite well thank you.
Now to the question:
My last relationship could not complain about me not being willing for hanky panky. It didn’t matter if I had spent a good bit of time cleaning or not.
My exhusband complained that I wanted hanky panky more than he did. Course I didn’t know about his sidelines at the time.
I think having fun is good and healthy.
All that said. Working and then coming home to the chores, we always had a lawn service, is exhausting. If he had done something more then sit in front of his laptop all night then yes, I might have felt less resentful toward him overall. Nobody wants to be taken for granted.
However, I am very willing to find a life mate who enjoys the physical side, as well the emotional, and child raising side of things with me.
uberVU - social comments
October 26th, 2009
8:38 pm
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Twitter by iMomNetwork: Does doing more housework equal more sex? parents http://bit.ly/1HqKP8 http://bit.ly/V1EGk…
homer
October 26th, 2009
9:44 pm
WAH WAH Lisa, after working for 8 hours and sitting in 2 hours of traffic and coming home to do some chores/spending time with kids, the last thing I want to do is “go the extra mile”. Give me a break. If I have to start worrying about cards or mopping floors or waxing cars or cleaning toilets, I think I will just have to “use my own imagination”
SP@g
October 26th, 2009
9:47 pm
As a guy, I need to say I’ve learned that when your woman is happy, she’ll make you happy. All she wants is a guy that will take care of her. Sometimes it’s just having to do a load of laundry, dinner, dishes, etc. – but it has to be done without her asking the guy to do it, It just shows that you are taking care of things. Really doesn’t take much on my part, but I really reap the rewards.
David Axelfraud
October 26th, 2009
10:15 pm
Wow, the AJC actually pays someone to write this. Wow.
Glenn
October 26th, 2009
10:30 pm
My wife won’t be happy no matter how much I clean until she can quit her job. These sex polls are BS because I don’t know of ANY married couple that ever has sex as often as these people claim. Try once every 3-6 mths. Newsweek had a frontpage and big article several years ago called “No sex please, we’re married”. Check it out.
Howabout a win
October 26th, 2009
11:56 pm
DB – your comment – “I’ve always hated the idea of sex as currency” – well, believe it or not, sex has ALWAYS been used as a “currency” – and will continue – haven’t you ever heard the phrase “a tit for tat”? In one way or another – we all pay for the price we are willing to pay to have sex available to us. That is human nature.
itpdude
October 27th, 2009
12:47 am
I think people who do more housework are probably not lazy slobs and are in better shape. Think of it this way: If a couple dusts and keeps up with the lawn and all that, they likely care about other things like hygiene and fitness.
Shieldy
October 27th, 2009
2:34 am
It’s pretty obvious that stress & age can slow things down but more of my friends are eating in, doing yardwork, & have let the housekeeper go to do things themselves. Does that mean they’re getting it done more?? ‘Cause I’m not & I do atleast a load a day, of laundry!
Codex
October 27th, 2009
7:25 am
Nobody answered my question from yesterday…..are you all just prudes or what?.
JJ
October 27th, 2009
9:00 am
What, no new topic on Tuesday?????
madmommy
October 27th, 2009
9:12 am
Ok, so this may have seemed a bit odd to everyone, but all I was saying is if he notices that I need a bit more help around the house and just jumps in without asking then I will feel more inclined to having sex later that night. Honestly, he does a great job at keeping the kiddies while I get my hour long workout in everyday before coming back in and cooking dinner, cleaning up the kitchen, doing a load of laundry and whatever else needs to be done. If on the rare chance he’ll cook dinner while I’m working out or tosses a load of towels, why not reward him. Positive reinforcement, you should all try it sometime it works.
PS. People who workout also have more sex. Sometimes I just want nothing more than to grab a quick shower after a really long run and stretch out and have some good loving. The better your health, the better your chances.
rmh
October 27th, 2009
9:14 am
Where are you? I am so anxious to hear about the camping trip!
nurse&mother
October 27th, 2009
9:37 am
DB, I didn’t say I WOULDN’T “relax” until the house was clean. I just said it made it easier.
nurse&mother
October 27th, 2009
9:40 am
Glen-are you serious? once every 3-6 months???? I think that could be grounds for a divorce.
Mike
October 27th, 2009
12:43 pm
I REFUSE to come home after pulling an all-weeker and clean toilets. My wife is the one who decided to go back to work and that’s fine. But don’t expect me to pick up chores at home that she should be doing. I make plenty to pay the bills and those little extras she likes – nails, spa treatments and shopping, shopping, shopping. She has plenty of time for that on the weekends but never enough time to keep the house clean. And as for the nookie? She says she’s too tired. Go figure.
nurse&mother
October 27th, 2009
1:38 pm
Wow, Mike nice attitude. So, your wife works full time the same as you (same number of hours)?
It sounds like there may be a little marital strife, if you don’t mind my saying. Maybe she went full time to get away from your attitude? Maybe she is withholding “nookie” from you because of your attitude? That’s what it looks like from a distance. I could be wrong, of course.
If I were that miserable, I would either work it out or get out.
FCM
October 27th, 2009
5:32 pm
Yes Mike, I was told I decided to go back to work (after children) so I should get no help and pay for child care plus my share of the bills. He kept the ‘extra’ from him. Does that sound familar? Maybe she had durn good reasons go to back to work.
Oddly enough it wasn’t until I did come home at his request that I left. Maybe your just thinking she is hanky panky with someone else? Or insecure and think she will leave you if she makes her own $$?
Mike
October 27th, 2009
5:47 pm
Nope FCM. I make plenty of money to pay for all her extras plus mine and she drove a new SUV before going back to work. She was “bored”. Fine. Work. But don’t expect me to clean toilets after a 50+ hour work week. It’s her choice to work and subsequently not have enough time to take care of the house. Just don’t expect me to mop while she’s off with her “hobby” job. Selling cosmetics at the mall is not work. It’s socializing and playing with all the pretty makeup and perfume. Just as if I were to work at the golf course. All fun and games.
Mike
October 27th, 2009
5:55 pm
By the way, she keeps her paycheck and spends it on whatever. Like that ugly brown purse with the beige LV letters all over it. That was her $400 purchase with her paycheck. I wouldn’t have bought it but she say it’s an “image” thing. Whatever Where’s the “Fathermania” blog so we can gripe and complain.
FCM
October 27th, 2009
8:09 pm
Mike you can gripe and complain here. Sometimes it gives people insight.
I have already explained my reasons for going back to work. I know that it is possible to suffer spousal neglect. Sounds like you might be the victim of here.
If you both have good paying jobs she could use part of her paycheck to pay a house cleaning service. It has to cost less than that purse! SHEEESH any purse over $100 is not about image unless your image is greed.
Soldier Mom
October 27th, 2009
11:19 pm
I had a clean home and had loads of sex when I was married. I am divorced and would love to be taken care of instead of taking care of everyone else. Sometimes the caretaker must be taken care of. I also divorced because of my husband sidelines…would like to meet someone to hang out with, and help me with anything. I am just leery about the weirdos out there.
Hunter of MILF
October 30th, 2009
4:37 pm
@Soldier Mom
How ya doin?
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my oh my!
November 8th, 2009
8:45 pm
Ah.. how different we all are! And yet, not. Mike and his ideas about gender roles and.. women who aren’t putting out. Haha, man.. we’re the opposite in our house, I earn more than my man and he is much more adept at housework than I… or something like that, I’m damn messy- anyway, our gender roles are completely switched in our house.. I make more than him, he does more housework than me and I want more sex than he does! He turns me down all the time and resents me for not being tidier. And when I am it seems… I get more action. So it seems simple really, the fairer the workload is in each others mind (perception is just as significant, if not more significant than the reality!) the less we resent each other, and in turn respect each other, and the more you feel like loving each other up. Ah, if only it were that clear and simple in operation!
dee
November 9th, 2009
10:43 pm
I am laid off, for 6 months now. I take care of our two girls all day. They are 7 months and 22 months old. I do all the house cleaning and most of the laundry, and most of the cooking. I also do the shopping ,or most of it. My wife is an RN and has very mild lupus. She works days and is tired. So am I after taking care of two kids all day. Plain and simple, I am lucky to get any acknowledgement for my efforts throughout the day. If this is what men have been doing to women for thousands of years, I don’t deserve to be punished for what they did.
Sex more often would be great. We don’t even have it once a week. She finds any reason not to have sex – ANY!!!! We have only been married for 2 years, and aren’t even thirty yet. This is what I don’t understand. My needs are not being met, but I am doing all that I can do for her and trying my hardest to be a good husband. I don’t know what to do.
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