Does more housework equal more sex?
We now know why French maids are always getting it on – apparently the more housework you do, the more sex you are likely to have.
The Wall Street Journal’s Sue Shellenbarger reports that a new study shows that for men and women the more housework they help with the more likely they are to have sex with their spouse.
“Earlier studies have hinted at this connection for men; the sight of a husband mopping the floor or doing dishes sparks affection in the hearts of many wives. But the more-housework-equals-more-sex link for wives, documented in a study of 6,877 married couples published online recently in the Journal of Family Issues, is a surprise…”
” ‘Rather than compromise their sex life’ because of time demands at work or at home, ‘this group of go-getters seems to make sex a priority,’ says Constance Gager, lead researcher and an assistant professor of family and child studies at Montclair State University, Montclair, N.J. The study doesn’t measure what proportion of spouses fall into this group, but she believes “they are on the leading edge of couples we expect to see more of in the future.”
The study defined housework as: cleaning, preparing meals, washing dishes, washing and ironing clothes, driving family members around, shopping, yard work, maintaining cars and paying bills.
“Wives in the study spent an average 41.8 hours a week on these tasks, compared with 23.4 hours for husbands—a split that is fairly typical, and often regarded by wives as unfair. However, the effects of any fairness concerns among wives weren’t measured in this study.”
“Outside the home, husbands spent an average 33.8 hours a week on paid work, compared with 19.7 hours for wives. Couples reported having sex 82.7 times a year on average, or 1.6 times a week, about the same as in other studies.”
(That doesn’t seem like very much sex. I’m wondering what the number was if they weren’t doing housework together?)
Shellenbarger interviewed other couples about why more housework would lead to more sex and here were some of their reasons:
- The couple is working together;
- Shows a commitment by the spouses to their homelife;
- Promotes friendship and intimacy;
- Shows a selflessness and a concern for each other’s priorities and needs;
- A time and place to do it;
- They could relax now that the house is organized and clean
But beware, you can’t go all perfectionist on your spouse. That was a mood killer.
What do you think? Does doing housework with your spouse make you want to do it? Does seeing your spouse take initiative with housework get you hot and bothered? What tasks would earn them the most “points”? Do you think they help expecting to get something in return later? What is it about doing housework that would make you want to do it more?
(P.S. I will update on the camping trip on Tuesday. I promised you a sex topic on Friday for Monday so the update will have to wait!)
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77 comments Add your comment
FCM
October 26th, 2009
7:06 pm
Hunter of MILF first let me say I am doing quite well thank you.
Now to the question:
My last relationship could not complain about me not being willing for hanky panky. It didn’t matter if I had spent a good bit of time cleaning or not.
My exhusband complained that I wanted hanky panky more than he did. Course I didn’t know about his sidelines at the time.
I think having fun is good and healthy.
All that said. Working and then coming home to the chores, we always had a lawn service, is exhausting. If he had done something more then sit in front of his laptop all night then yes, I might have felt less resentful toward him overall. Nobody wants to be taken for granted.
However, I am very willing to find a life mate who enjoys the physical side, as well the emotional, and child raising side of things with me.
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October 26th, 2009
8:38 pm
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homer
October 26th, 2009
9:44 pm
WAH WAH Lisa, after working for 8 hours and sitting in 2 hours of traffic and coming home to do some chores/spending time with kids, the last thing I want to do is “go the extra mile”. Give me a break. If I have to start worrying about cards or mopping floors or waxing cars or cleaning toilets, I think I will just have to “use my own imagination”
SP@g
October 26th, 2009
9:47 pm
As a guy, I need to say I’ve learned that when your woman is happy, she’ll make you happy. All she wants is a guy that will take care of her. Sometimes it’s just having to do a load of laundry, dinner, dishes, etc. – but it has to be done without her asking the guy to do it, It just shows that you are taking care of things. Really doesn’t take much on my part, but I really reap the rewards.
David Axelfraud
October 26th, 2009
10:15 pm
Wow, the AJC actually pays someone to write this. Wow.
Glenn
October 26th, 2009
10:30 pm
My wife won’t be happy no matter how much I clean until she can quit her job. These sex polls are BS because I don’t know of ANY married couple that ever has sex as often as these people claim. Try once every 3-6 mths. Newsweek had a frontpage and big article several years ago called “No sex please, we’re married”. Check it out.
Howabout a win
October 26th, 2009
11:56 pm
DB – your comment – “I’ve always hated the idea of sex as currency” – well, believe it or not, sex has ALWAYS been used as a “currency” – and will continue – haven’t you ever heard the phrase “a tit for tat”? In one way or another – we all pay for the price we are willing to pay to have sex available to us. That is human nature.
itpdude
October 27th, 2009
12:47 am
I think people who do more housework are probably not lazy slobs and are in better shape. Think of it this way: If a couple dusts and keeps up with the lawn and all that, they likely care about other things like hygiene and fitness.
Shieldy
October 27th, 2009
2:34 am
It’s pretty obvious that stress & age can slow things down but more of my friends are eating in, doing yardwork, & have let the housekeeper go to do things themselves. Does that mean they’re getting it done more?? ‘Cause I’m not & I do atleast a load a day, of laundry!
Codex
October 27th, 2009
7:25 am
Nobody answered my question from yesterday…..are you all just prudes or what?.
JJ
October 27th, 2009
9:00 am
What, no new topic on Tuesday?????
madmommy
October 27th, 2009
9:12 am
Ok, so this may have seemed a bit odd to everyone, but all I was saying is if he notices that I need a bit more help around the house and just jumps in without asking then I will feel more inclined to having sex later that night. Honestly, he does a great job at keeping the kiddies while I get my hour long workout in everyday before coming back in and cooking dinner, cleaning up the kitchen, doing a load of laundry and whatever else needs to be done. If on the rare chance he’ll cook dinner while I’m working out or tosses a load of towels, why not reward him. Positive reinforcement, you should all try it sometime it works.
PS. People who workout also have more sex. Sometimes I just want nothing more than to grab a quick shower after a really long run and stretch out and have some good loving. The better your health, the better your chances.
rmh
October 27th, 2009
9:14 am
Where are you? I am so anxious to hear about the camping trip!
nurse&mother
October 27th, 2009
9:37 am
DB, I didn’t say I WOULDN’T “relax” until the house was clean. I just said it made it easier.
nurse&mother
October 27th, 2009
9:40 am
Glen-are you serious? once every 3-6 months???? I think that could be grounds for a divorce.
Mike
October 27th, 2009
12:43 pm
I REFUSE to come home after pulling an all-weeker and clean toilets. My wife is the one who decided to go back to work and that’s fine. But don’t expect me to pick up chores at home that she should be doing. I make plenty to pay the bills and those little extras she likes – nails, spa treatments and shopping, shopping, shopping. She has plenty of time for that on the weekends but never enough time to keep the house clean. And as for the nookie? She says she’s too tired. Go figure.
nurse&mother
October 27th, 2009
1:38 pm
Wow, Mike nice attitude. So, your wife works full time the same as you (same number of hours)?
It sounds like there may be a little marital strife, if you don’t mind my saying. Maybe she went full time to get away from your attitude? Maybe she is withholding “nookie” from you because of your attitude? That’s what it looks like from a distance. I could be wrong, of course.
If I were that miserable, I would either work it out or get out.
FCM
October 27th, 2009
5:32 pm
Yes Mike, I was told I decided to go back to work (after children) so I should get no help and pay for child care plus my share of the bills. He kept the ‘extra’ from him. Does that sound familar? Maybe she had durn good reasons go to back to work.
Oddly enough it wasn’t until I did come home at his request that I left. Maybe your just thinking she is hanky panky with someone else? Or insecure and think she will leave you if she makes her own $$?
Mike
October 27th, 2009
5:47 pm
Nope FCM. I make plenty of money to pay for all her extras plus mine and she drove a new SUV before going back to work. She was “bored”. Fine. Work. But don’t expect me to clean toilets after a 50+ hour work week. It’s her choice to work and subsequently not have enough time to take care of the house. Just don’t expect me to mop while she’s off with her “hobby” job. Selling cosmetics at the mall is not work. It’s socializing and playing with all the pretty makeup and perfume. Just as if I were to work at the golf course. All fun and games.
Mike
October 27th, 2009
5:55 pm
By the way, she keeps her paycheck and spends it on whatever. Like that ugly brown purse with the beige LV letters all over it. That was her $400 purchase with her paycheck. I wouldn’t have bought it but she say it’s an “image” thing. Whatever Where’s the “Fathermania” blog so we can gripe and complain.
FCM
October 27th, 2009
8:09 pm
Mike you can gripe and complain here. Sometimes it gives people insight.
I have already explained my reasons for going back to work. I know that it is possible to suffer spousal neglect. Sounds like you might be the victim of here.
If you both have good paying jobs she could use part of her paycheck to pay a house cleaning service. It has to cost less than that purse! SHEEESH any purse over $100 is not about image unless your image is greed.
Soldier Mom
October 27th, 2009
11:19 pm
I had a clean home and had loads of sex when I was married. I am divorced and would love to be taken care of instead of taking care of everyone else. Sometimes the caretaker must be taken care of. I also divorced because of my husband sidelines…would like to meet someone to hang out with, and help me with anything. I am just leery about the weirdos out there.
Hunter of MILF
October 30th, 2009
4:37 pm
@Soldier Mom
How ya doin?
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my oh my!
November 8th, 2009
8:45 pm
Ah.. how different we all are! And yet, not. Mike and his ideas about gender roles and.. women who aren’t putting out. Haha, man.. we’re the opposite in our house, I earn more than my man and he is much more adept at housework than I… or something like that, I’m damn messy- anyway, our gender roles are completely switched in our house.. I make more than him, he does more housework than me and I want more sex than he does! He turns me down all the time and resents me for not being tidier. And when I am it seems… I get more action. So it seems simple really, the fairer the workload is in each others mind (perception is just as significant, if not more significant than the reality!) the less we resent each other, and in turn respect each other, and the more you feel like loving each other up. Ah, if only it were that clear and simple in operation!
dee
November 9th, 2009
10:43 pm
I am laid off, for 6 months now. I take care of our two girls all day. They are 7 months and 22 months old. I do all the house cleaning and most of the laundry, and most of the cooking. I also do the shopping ,or most of it. My wife is an RN and has very mild lupus. She works days and is tired. So am I after taking care of two kids all day. Plain and simple, I am lucky to get any acknowledgement for my efforts throughout the day. If this is what men have been doing to women for thousands of years, I don’t deserve to be punished for what they did.
Sex more often would be great. We don’t even have it once a week. She finds any reason not to have sex – ANY!!!! We have only been married for 2 years, and aren’t even thirty yet. This is what I don’t understand. My needs are not being met, but I am doing all that I can do for her and trying my hardest to be a good husband. I don’t know what to do.
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