Does more housework equal more sex?

We now know why French maids are always getting it on – apparently the more housework you do, the more sex you are likely to have.

The Wall Street Journal’s Sue Shellenbarger reports that a new study shows that for men and women the more housework they help with the more likely they are to have sex with their spouse.

“Earlier studies have hinted at this connection for men; the sight of a husband mopping the floor or doing dishes sparks affection in the hearts of many wives. But the more-housework-equals-more-sex link for wives, documented in a study of 6,877 married couples published online recently in the Journal of Family Issues, is a surprise…”

” ‘Rather than compromise their sex life’ because of time demands at work or at home, ‘this group of go-getters seems to make sex a priority,’ says Constance Gager, lead researcher and an assistant professor of family and child studies at Montclair State University, Montclair, N.J. The study doesn’t measure what proportion of spouses fall into this group, but she believes “they are on the leading edge of couples we expect to see more of in the future.”

The study defined housework as: cleaning, preparing meals, washing dishes, washing and ironing clothes, driving family members around, shopping, yard work, maintaining cars and paying bills.

“Wives in the study spent an average 41.8 hours a week on these tasks, compared with 23.4 hours for husbands—a split that is fairly typical, and often regarded by wives as unfair. However, the effects of any fairness concerns among wives weren’t measured in this study.”

“Outside the home, husbands spent an average 33.8 hours a week on paid work, compared with 19.7 hours for wives. Couples reported having sex 82.7 times a year on average, or 1.6 times a week, about the same as in other studies.”

(That doesn’t seem like very much sex. I’m wondering what the number was if they weren’t doing housework together?)

Shellenbarger interviewed other couples about why more housework would lead to more sex and here were some of their reasons:

  • The couple is working together;
  • Shows a commitment by the spouses to their homelife;
  • Promotes friendship and intimacy;
  • Shows a selflessness and a concern for each other’s priorities and needs;
  • A time and place to do it;
  • They could relax now that the house is organized and clean

But beware, you can’t go all perfectionist on your spouse. That was a mood killer.

What do you think? Does doing housework with your spouse make you want to do it? Does seeing your spouse take initiative with housework get you hot and bothered?  What tasks would earn them the most “points”? Do you think they help expecting to get something in return later? What is it about doing housework that would make you want to do it more?

(P.S. I will update on the camping trip on Tuesday. I promised you a sex topic on Friday for Monday so the update will have to wait!)


77 comments Add your comment

Vork

October 26th, 2009
9:03 am

This should be an interesting day.

Question: How the hell do you have sex 1.6 times per week? I see 2 times per week or 1 time per week. Perhaps it counts the times when you do it while your partner is sleeping? Someone “splain” this to me. and not MJG. I need a simple answer not farking War and Peace.

lmno

October 26th, 2009
9:15 am

There is nothing in this world that angers a woman more than the sight of a man relaxing.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

October 26th, 2009
9:18 am

Maybe they started but didn’t finish.

Sugar

October 26th, 2009
9:21 am

Yawn……..

Gill bates

October 26th, 2009
9:24 am

Sorry, this is another example of a BS study.
Many people use housework to blow-off tension and energy, as a replacement for other things.

The tendentious nature of this article makes the whole premise suspect.

not saying

October 26th, 2009
9:26 am

I am sure Hunter will respond BUT –

I find nothing sexier than a man who eases my burden by doing a child care or housework task for me. Something as simple as getting milk from the store or loading the dishwasher puts me a more favorable frame of mind. (This was true when I was married too).

YUKI

October 26th, 2009
9:38 am

It certainly doesn’t hurt the cause.

notgonnagiveit

October 26th, 2009
9:42 am

Vork: you really are proving yourself to be a complete idiot and I mean that in the technical sense of the word.

Well, Vork...

October 26th, 2009
9:48 am

…since you asked I will “splain” it to you – you get the .6 when you use the Bill Clinton definition of what sex is or isn’t, as in “I did not have sex with that woman”.

Barbara

October 26th, 2009
9:49 am

What about yard work or other manly duties that a wife isn’t necessarily expected to do?? We always hear about the housework side of things but it really is a two way street. Honestly it sounds almost like a poor husband has to bribe his wife to have sex by performing some household task like a circus monkey!

This study is another fine example of a huge waste of time & money. And the way you promoted the sex blog last week, I was expecting great things from you, but this ended up being a bit of a let down.

Jeff

October 26th, 2009
9:51 am

Such a bogus study. Why not a study showing the more sex you initiate with the husband (a la dating), the more housework he happily does?

Cindy

October 26th, 2009
9:53 am

If you are a SAHM, then the responsibility is yours.

Don’t expect hubby to come home from working all day long (so you don’t have to work outside the home), to help out with the kids or housework.

IF both partners work outside the home, then it’s BOTH their responsibility to maintain the home together.

I don’t get why men don’t feel they have to help out around THEIR own homes……

My husband and I do housework together, every Saturday morning. We do light housekeeping during the week, but the heavy duty stuff, mopping floors, cleaning bathrooms, is all done once day a week. We clean the garage out once a year, usually this time of the year. With both of us doing the housework, it frees up A LOT of time for us to do fun things…….plus, if you keep up with it, there really isn’t that much to do. And we have plenty of free time for each other.

JJ

October 26th, 2009
9:53 am

do your housework nekkid, and see what happens…….

Stan

October 26th, 2009
10:02 am

I did my yard work nekkid but the neighbors complained…

JJ

October 26th, 2009
10:07 am

Stan, they were complaining you weren’t doing it often enough…..LOL….

Jeff

October 26th, 2009
10:12 am

My guess is that this doesn’t apply to most women on here. It’s just their perception of everyone-else’s relation

Jeff

October 26th, 2009
10:15 am

My guess is that this doesn’t apply to most women on here. It’s just their perception of everyone-else’s relationship

Mork

October 26th, 2009
10:24 am

Vork is a dork. What else would you expect to come from that little brain of hers.

madmommy

October 26th, 2009
10:25 am

Ok, so if he does just take care of a few things and help out, I will admit that I do think about “paying him back” later after the kids go to bed. Not that he cares or notices that is the reason why, but it is nice when someone notices the work that you do. Now, I will say that it is hard to not have the OCD kick in and re-do everything h has done, so I just wait until the next time around that it needs to be cleaned and address it then.

I have a feeling that if more people just gave their spouse a few kind words and noticed them once in a while, there would be a lot more sex had by all. You always get more fly’s with honey.

Cindy

October 26th, 2009
10:29 am

Ohhhhh JJ, I like that idea!!!! Nekkid housework…. Maybe I’ll give it a go this weekend, and see how hubby likes THAT. I’m sure I can get him to participate…

Oh, no, madmommy...

October 26th, 2009
10:49 am

…you are one of those using sex as a reward – please say that is not exactly how you meant “I will admit that I do think about “paying him back” later after the kids go to bed”.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

October 26th, 2009
10:55 am

Don’t you remember from Seinfeld there’s good naked and bad naked. Remember the girlfriend fixing her bike naked. Jerry was not turned on.

Abby

October 26th, 2009
10:58 am

So ye complain when he doesn’t help around the house, and when he does help around the house it’s not always up to your standards, leaving you itching to do it yourself anyway. The poor guy can’t win for losing with some of you.

And I hope & pray I never stoop to use sex as a reward for good behaviour. I have sex with my husband because I love him and I’m as hot for him now as I was when we first met, not because he emptied a bloody dishwasher!

Bravo. Abby...

October 26th, 2009
11:26 am

Jesse's Girl

October 26th, 2009
11:27 am

There is most DEFINITELY good nekkid and bad nekkid. There are parts of us that no one should see bending at certain angles. As for equating more housework to more sex…ah..I don’t buy it. It isn’t housework women are yearning for. Its more intimacy….more hugging without expecting nookie. More kisses on the cheek without groping our boobies. More little notes left in unexpected places. I don’t get frisky when Jesse does the dishes.

DB

October 26th, 2009
11:42 am

I’ve always hated the idea of sex as currency. And I really dislike the idea of a man “helping” around the house is goig to turn me on. Helping? Hello, it’s his darn house, too! As far as I’m concerned, he’s just doing his job, just like I am. I don’t expect to be rewarded for doing what needs to be done, and what has needed to be done for 30 years. Yeah, it’s nice to be appreciated, and often we’ll have to take up the slack for each other if the other gets busy — but the idea that watching him wash the dishes gets me all hot and bothered is just silly.

Photius

October 26th, 2009
12:13 pm

Women get turned on by a man cooking a wonderful fresh from scratch meal…. and cleaning up. Downside is if the meal is really good, woman eat to much and no want to do it after; too full

Stan

October 26th, 2009
12:25 pm

Jesse’s Girl, I know I can’t help but to grope the boobies…

SlugWorth

October 26th, 2009
12:36 pm

Mama always said life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what your gonna get. Women are supposed to clean the house and men earn the bacon. Now stick to the plan. Get that apron on and clean them toilets while your at it. I’m gonna lounge. Where’s my remote!

Lisa

October 26th, 2009
12:38 pm

You know what will get you more nookie in the bedroom fellas?

1) Have dinner cooked for ME when I walk through the door. Have the kids all cleaned up and homework done. Then let ME go relax while you do EVERYTHING else……

2) Take a 1/2 day off from work, and come and get me and whisk me away for the weekend……

3) Send me funny cards for no reason at all…

4) Play hookey from work, and call my boss too, send the kids to school, and let’s stay in bed all day.

5) Send the kids to either Grandparents for the weekend, and plan NOTHING…..let’s be spontaneous.

Take some initiative……..THAT’s what’s sexy……

But expecting a little just because you took out the trash and saved me all of 3 minutes? Oh Hell to the naw!!!!!

Lisa

October 26th, 2009
12:48 pm

Hey fellas, here’s your best way to more nookie……

1) Take 1/2 day off from work, and come get me, and whisk me away for the afternoon.

2) Send the kids to either of our parents, or have them stay with friends, and schedule NOTHING…..let’s be spontaneous.
OR
Take the entire day off from work, call my boss and tell them I won’t be in either. Send the kids to school…….schedule nothing.

3) Send me funny or romantic cards in the mail, for no reason at all…..

4) Have MY dinner ready for ME when I get home, and have the kids all taken care of. Let ME relax while you do the nightly chores……

5) Grocery shop for the night/week…..I don’t care what you bring home…..

6) 2) Tell me that you love me. I need to hear those words.

7) Tell the kids you love them, then tell them you love me. The most important thing a father can do for his kids is to love their mother.

8) Schedule time for just you and the kids. Make special dates with your children….make a special date with each child.

9) Tell me to go get a pedicure, because that is the ONLY thing I do for myself. Tell me that the kids are fine, and you can handle everything for an hour or two.

BUT DON’T:

1) Grope my boobies when I’m up to my elbows in dirty dishes. That does NOT turn me on…….it actually turns me off…..

Lisa

October 26th, 2009
12:49 pm

Oops, I didn’t know my first post showed up. I got a message “server couldn’t be found.”

Hunter of MILF

October 26th, 2009
12:53 pm

Hello Ladies,

SOOO many places I could go with this topic but I think I will keep it PG and say that it would be fun to do the deed while doing housework…..nothing like buffing the floors and the table and the walls and the bed and the bathroom and the kitchen and the garage and the basement and oh hell for giggles how about on the car in the garage.

Vork

October 26th, 2009
12:57 pm

The Vork that posted at 9:03 AM is an imposter…. I have no interest in this pointless topic.

Hunter of MILF

October 26th, 2009
1:00 pm

@Lisa

How ya doin?

Jessica

October 26th, 2009
1:05 pm

If the house is clean and the chores are done, we are much more likely to get affectionate. Besides, that giant pile of laundry on the bed can really get in the way…

Lisa

October 26th, 2009
1:05 pm

Hunter – been there, done that (on the car), slid off…..broke two fingers……

Hunter of MILF

October 26th, 2009
1:07 pm

Awe come on Jessica doin it in pile of laundry that just came out of the dryer is way hawt.

I call BS on Lisa...

October 26th, 2009
1:09 pm

…just what we need, more instructions on how to make wifey happy AND sexy.

Let’s see, “call the grandparents and send the kids there or to friends for the weekend/night and let’s be spontaneous” – really, you call that spontaneous? Now even the grandparents know what you are doing!

“Take a half day off from work” – yeah, in this economy you are going to play hooky from work? That is spontaneous, and enough to get one or both fired!

“Don’t grab my boobies” (directed to Jesse’s girl, too) – hey, for some of us that is as close to intimacy that you will let us get!

I already play with the kids, just as you do; I already clean the house, maybe not “just like you”, but the effort is there; I can care for the kids without you and have for many years, so just go get the dang pedicure and STFU!

Hunter of MILF

October 26th, 2009
1:19 pm

@I call BS on Lisa…

Sounds like you have what we call, “blue balls.” Dude….that sucks hardcore.

Ladies: hunterofmoms@gmail.com

Mork

October 26th, 2009
1:23 pm

Aw come on Vork. You’re a pain. Fess up.

Hey, MILF Hunter...

October 26th, 2009
1:27 pm

…strange choice of words right after you type “blue balls”.

Lisa

October 26th, 2009
1:28 pm

I agree with Hunter. Just because your wife won’t let you near her, doesn’t mean ALL wives are like that. I don’t appreciate been groped when my hands are full. Any other time, ok, but not when I’m defenseless….unless you want a face full of dirty dish water……and that can be arranged……

I love me some loving!!!!! I’ve NEVER turned my husband down…….EVER!!!!

Hunter of MILF

October 26th, 2009
1:31 pm

@Hey, MILF Hunter…

True…but effective nontheless.

Hunter of MILF

October 26th, 2009
1:43 pm

@not saying

How ya doin?

Codex

October 26th, 2009
1:52 pm

Who likes doggy style?

Jesse's Girl

October 26th, 2009
4:16 pm

If thats as close to intimacy as your wife lets you get…see a coucelor. Cause that crap ain’t right.

nurse&mother

October 26th, 2009
4:23 pm

I can only speak for myself… I am much more relaxed and can “enjoy” my spouse when the house is clean.

DB

October 26th, 2009
6:42 pm

N&M, if I waited until the house was clean before I relaxed . . . my husband would NEVER get any! ;-)

JATL

October 26th, 2009
6:49 pm

I can certainly say that if my husband did more around the house (and I’m not just talking housework per se, but yard work and home maintenance that he never wants to hire help to do, but then has to be nagged constantly into doing), I would be MUCH more amorous toward him on a regular basis. I think it kind of goes to a respect issue. He rifles through closets and drawers, turning them upside down constantly, mixes dirty and clean clothes together, considers cleaning to be shoving everything in a closet and I feel like it’s more than a hassle, but a complete disrespect for part of my job. Anyway, whenever he DOES do things around here, I do find myself feeling more loving toward him.