What if only 1 parent wants to know sex of the baby?
A pregnant friend of mine posted a note on Facebook that they were going to an ultrasound but would NOT be finding out the sex of the baby because her husband did NOT want to know. She really wants to know and is hoping she can change his mind down the road.
So it made me wonder: Who gets to decide whether you find out the sex of the baby? Do you have to both agree to find out? Could one parent find out and the other not find out? Could you actually keep it a secret?
I was lucky that Michael wanted to know too because I don’t think I could have waited. Plus I would have been terrible at hiding the sex if I did know. We both immediately started using the correct pronoun for the baby once we knew.
I believe my cousin’s husband wanted to know and she did not and I think he hid it from her the whole pregnancy. But I bet they are a rare example.
Did you and your spouse want to know the sex of the baby? Who would get the deciding vote if you disagreed? Did you have to persuade your spouse to find out? If so, how? Did you start using the correct pronoun as soon as you found out? Could you hide the knowledge if only you found out? Would you ever find out behind your spouse’s back?
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70 comments Add your comment
Tiffany
October 9th, 2009
2:51 pm
George Foreman has five sons, all named George. I believe they each have a nickname, though.
JJ
October 9th, 2009
2:58 pm
Tiffany, they all go by their numbers…..George II, George III, George IV…..
Kathy
October 9th, 2009
3:04 pm
We found out the sex of Little E before she was born. We did, however, keep her name a secret until she was born. Like catlady, I am a teacher and I can’t tell you how many pregnant coworkers were discouraged by their name choice when some idiot would say, “Oh I had a kid named that one year and he/she was horrible!” So we told no one her name. Some people were really offended by that (like my mother in law) but we honestly just did not care. It was actually kind of fun to torture everyone with that secret until she was born!
Codex
October 9th, 2009
3:32 pm
Vork got in your heads….LOL.
JJ, that reminds me...
October 9th, 2009
3:48 pm
of the old joke “oh, if we want a specific son we call him by his LAST name!!!!!!
DB
October 9th, 2009
4:58 pm
Rally One, you’re right, I don’t know for sure about all the bloggers, I’m just going by the ones that I recognize as regulars, the ones that have been talking about their families for the past year or two. Obviously, there are probably quite a few lurkers with older kids who may not come out of the woodwork on the topics aimed at younger kids. But again, the topic of what I “might” do when confronted with an issue is, to me, fairly iffy.
Lynn
October 9th, 2009
5:07 pm
While I love the topics, I would like to see more topics addressing older children. Topics about middle schooler, high schoolers and even college students would be of great interest. I think DB hit it right when she said many bloggers may be lurking for many topics because we no longer have children in that age group. Although I must confess that mine range from age three to 19. Thanks for all of your topics Theresa.
DB
October 9th, 2009
9:09 pm
Theresa does a great job with suggestions from forum denizens with older kids — let’s face it, she’s not there, yet, and a lot of the topics just haven’t occurred to her, yet (but they will!) I’ve always found her to be gracious in including topics of interest to the older crowd when they are suggested.
ZachsMom
October 9th, 2009
9:36 pm
Sorry I am late…Girls night out… People have NOT KNOWN for thousands of years…you only have 2 choices . If I am lucky enough to have another baby, I will never find out. How many surprises are left in the world.
BlondeHoney
October 9th, 2009
10:28 pm
OK gang here is my two cents on BOTH topics…with both my boys i could have known but chose not to and I would do it the same way again today. The drama and suspense are the GREATEST :) And YES as the mom of a 24 and 23 year old, I would post FAR more than I do with a greater balance of topics geared towards older children…because at the end of the day, no matter how old they are OR you are, you are still a MOM
smh
October 10th, 2009
7:13 am
This is pretty simple, unless both parties agree, do not find out in advance. Grandparents, friends and, other relatives do not have a vote. This is a parental decision. If the parents can’t agree on this one, parenting will be a tough road.
FCM
October 10th, 2009
10:20 am
I didn’t want to know, he did. He also said he would try to keep it a secret from me, but I knew it would slip. (Only discuss certain names, or look at certain clothes or whatever). So I did learn at 20 weeks. It did not lose on bit of the birthing experience (all done under epi thank God)..I still got to see my bundle for the very first time and that was way more important to me tan the gender. Do they have all their Fingers and toes? Are they breathing ok (one was blue and one was mericonium so this was important)? Are they healthy? So that is what the person who has been kicking me looks like! All way more important than when I learned the gender.
Names on the other hand I have discussed before. Very important as the child will called this FOREVER!
fk
October 10th, 2009
2:07 pm
We chose to wait. Had they asked a second time, I probably would have said yes, but my husband did not want to know. Even though we had both a girl’s and a boy’s name chosen before birth, we wound up with one that was never even a contender during the entire pregnancy. Go figure.
motherjanegoose
October 10th, 2009
7:06 pm
Across the lake from Canada now and enyoing the COOL weather and lovely fall leaves. Tomorrow I will be close to Mexico and YES I do have a cold.
We did not know with our son, no sonograms back then unless an emergency. We took him in ( age 4) to view the sonogram along with us on the second pregnancy. He watched very carefully and when we were told that he would have a sister, he proclaimed I DO NOT SEE A GIRL ON THAT SCREEN. We still laugh as I think he thought it would be a baby with ruffles,lace, a big smile and a wave for her brother.
It was nice to know what we were having but not earth shattering when we didn’t. Just like DB, I have one of each and am blessed.
Re Vork…please TRY to use your manners, if you even own any. Name calling and criticism in every post is not becoming. Calling me a name when I challenged you about calling me MARYJANE GOOSE a few days ago shows me that you can dish it out but not take it. Too bad.
I suggest you begin your own blog instead of bashing everything on this one. Any seconds? Maybe some here will move over…you never know who your fans are….trust me! Oh yeah, you don’t even believe me, how could you trust me?
@ catlady and Kathy, yes names of former students do wander around in your head and when you HAVE said the name over 15 times in a negative manner, you do not want to be reminded of your past classroom upsets when you call fro your own child.
Night all!
Warrior and Mom
October 11th, 2009
11:17 am
i wanted to know, but my baby had their legs crossed, I waited 9 months wondering, to meet my daughter.She is very modest 11 years, now. My yougest daughter let everyone know. Now she is wild and confident 10 year old.
catlady
October 11th, 2009
12:38 pm
Y’know, I have been thinking (too much) about this and I think if these too people cannot come to an agreement over this why on earth do they think they can handle the REAL dilemmas of raising the child?!
catlady
October 11th, 2009
12:44 pm
Sometimes I would like to know WHERE ON EARTH parents come up with some of the names they give! I mean, did they spill the alphabet soup and get the name off the floor, or what?
A
October 11th, 2009
8:25 pm
I don’t get why all the fuss about having to know your child’s gender. Neither my husband nor I wanted to know, and it did not affect us in the least when it came to the nursery or clothes. We painted the nursery a lovely green color, used the gender-neutral John Lennon animals pattern and had neutral newborn outfits. Once our son was born, it wasn’t that hard to get a few additional 0-3 month items and then everything else after that in appropriate colors and styles. Our philosophy was that there are so few surprises left in the modern world that we wanted to preserve this most precious secret until the very last minute, and I would not change a thing!
Marcus
October 26th, 2009
12:35 am
Interesting article you got here. It would be great to read more about this topic.
Brooke
February 19th, 2010
7:35 am
If you think the topic need not have an answer given then why are you posting?
I’m not finding out, but my hubby wants to this time around and I think he should as long as he respects that I not want to know and can hold it in for 20 weeks! :)