Should couples sleep in separate beds?

Tired, grumpy all the time? Not getting enough good sleep?

A friend of my husband’s wrote an interesting blog suggesting that Lucy and Ricky had it right in the ’50s — separate beds are better for couples.

Colleen Newvine Tebeau found multiple studies that agree that couples would get much better sleep and more of it if they didn’t share a bed!  Here’s the link to Newvine Tebeau’s blog.

She reports:

“A recent Wall Street Journal blog post reported on a presentation by British sleep specialist Neil Stanley: Dr. Stanley, who heads a sleep laboratory at the University of Surrey, reported at the British Science Festival that married people suffer 50% more harmful sleep disturbances if they share a bed, the BBC reports. Poor sleep can cause depression, heart disease, strokes, lung disorders and accidents, he says.”

“The WSJ went on to say:  In 2005, a National Sleep Foundation survey showed 23% of married Americans sleep alone, an increase from 12% in 2001, CNN reported last year. A survey of builders and architects found many are predicting that double master bedrooms will soon be the norm, Glamour reports.”

A Web site called Suite 101 writes about sleeping separately, including quoting a New York Times article featuring a Michigan expert:

“ ‘Couples today are writing their own script, rewriting how to have a marriage,’ said Pamela J. Smock, a University of Michigan sociologist. ‘The growing need for separate bedrooms also represents the speed-up of family life — women’s roles have changed — and the need for extra space eases the strain on the relationship. If one of them snores, the other one won’t be able to perform the next day. It’s nothing to do with social class, and it’s not necessarily indicative of marital discord.’ “

The author herself has a tough time sleeping with her husband. He snores and she twitches throughout the night. They got a mouthpiece to stop his snoring. She went as far as to have a sleep study done and the doctors suggested she take a drug for the rest of her life that would make her stop moving in bed. She felt terrible on the drug and decided it wasn’t an option.

Instead the couple decided to use two extra long twin beds in a king frame. Her movement doesn’t disturb him that way. Plus her husband can have his sheets untucked at the bottom and she can have an extra blanket and each be comfortable and still close.

I like their idea because under a big bedspread it will still look like one bed.

Michael had his own very practical concerns: When you fool around whose bed do you use?

My mother bought us a king size bed when we moved back to Georgia. We used to have a double and that is tight quarters for two. We knew we were going to co-sleep with the kids so the king made sense for us. You can spread out all you want.

Even with the king bed, I still have two other issues sleeping with Michael:

1. Michael snores loudly so I generally try to fall asleep ahead of him. I can sleep through his snoring but I can’t fall asleep while he snores.

2. When he wraps his arm around me before falling asleep all I can think about is how heavy his arm is! I swear he has the heaviest arm in America. Does anyone else think their husband’s arm is heavy lying across them?

What do you think: Do you have a hard time sleeping with your spouse? What are your main issues? How do you cope with them? Would sleeping in separate beds make them better? Would you need separate bedrooms? What do you think about the double master bedroom mentioned in the blog? What would your kids think if you slept in separate beds?