What to do when your ‘baby’ grows up?

Here's my Georgia fan taking the crib apart for probably the last time.

Michael taking apart the crib for probably the last time. He wants to sell it. I told him No Way!

We’ve had a lot of changes in our house over the last few weeks. Our baby (actually 2 years and 6 months old) has started preschool and moved into a big girl bed (bye bye crib), and I’ve had some tearful days with these transitions.

The red bed has been in our family for 60 years. But I'm still sad about saying bye-bye to the crib.

The red bed has been in our family for 60 years. But I'm still sad about saying bye-bye to the crib.

About three weeks ago it really hit me, oh my goodness my baby is going to start Mother’s Morning Out two mornings a week. I know that doesn’t sound like a lot but when you’re used to them being with you, it is! I found myself crying in my minivan and at home with Michael so sad that our baby is growing up!

Now I know that she is more than ready to go to preschool. She needs to develop her own friends, her own age and not just hang out with Rose and Walsh’s buddies. Plus, she is ready to be a little bit independent. She practically ran into the place on registration, and she told her teacher on the first day “I want homework.” (She sees her sibs doing homework every afternoon.)

I did tear up as I left her, and it’s weird being without her! (We haven’t been apart in 3 years, 3 months if you count gestation!)

Lilina excited about the first day of preschool.

Lilina excited about the first day of preschool.

On top of that transition, Miss Priss has decided she no longer wanted to sleep in her crib. She’s been yelling at us at night “No sleep in the cib! Hate the cib!” So we we made a cozy spot on her floor until we could drag the”big girl bed” out of the basement.

On Labor Day, Michael took down the crib for most likely the last time and brought the big girl bed out of the basement.  I was in tears and took lots of photos! (The red bed was my mother’s bed as a toddler and is more than 60 years old. And no there’s no lead in the paint. That does make the transition a little less sad. My brother and I slept in the red bed and so have all three of mine.)

Meanwhile up in New York, my girlfriend is most likely crying her eyes out right now because her baby (5 years) starts kindergarten today! My girlfriend is heartbroken that her special time is “over” with her daughter. She keeps leaving very sad messages on her Facebook page looking for other mothers to explain to her how to cope with this change. This is her only child right now. They are hoping to adopt another child soon. She also wonders if part of the reason she’s not quite ready to separate is because she did adopt her daughter. (Do any other adoptive parents have insight into this? Did you have a harder time separating?)

Her bag is bigger than she is. Her class is called The Busy Bees!, which I just adore!

Her bag is bigger than she is. Her class is called The Busy Bees!, which I just adore!

I left her the message that my girlfriend had just given me while I was crying alone in my minivan. I told her we have to embrace and celebrate each stage of their little lives. And they’re growing independent and it’s a testament to how well we’ve reared them and how secure they feel that they are ready to separate from us.

It all makes sense logically, but a mother’s heart still hurts.

There is of course another way to handle all this for many moms – just get pregnant again! While crying on the couch one night I broached the subject with Michael. He told me if we had just started earlier then we probably could have had four. He thinks we’re just too old to start over again. (But if we had started earlier we wouldn’t have had the savings for me to stay home. There’s your trade-off.)

By the next morning, the reality of taking care of all the needs of all three kids set in, and I kind of got over that idea – not over the feeling of sadness but at least that idea.

However, one of my friends didn’t. Last year my friend’s second to youngest started kindergarten, her baby (then 2) started mother’s morning out two mornings a week. She also had a 5th and 3rd grader.  She was so sad without a house full of children that she literally got pregnant that first week of school!

I told her I would have left that feeling ruminate a little bit before jumping in. (And how amazing is her fertility she could get pregnant that one week!)

Transitions are of course natural and will happen all through their lives whether it’s preschool, big school, college or even marriage. But how do you cope as your “baby” grows up?

61 comments Add your comment

lakerat

September 9th, 2009
7:12 am

Selling the baby bed is not a good idea – you will probably need it in about 20 years when the grandbabies come along. But Michael does look like he has been working out, though he does need to lose that UGA “muscle” shirt – he is too old to be wearing that!

lakerat

September 9th, 2009
7:28 am

And, I just read some of yesterday’s postings, and you can rest assured that though I may make comments that are sometimes construed as “negative”, I am not the “fake lakerat” who started the postings last year, and now again, that says “I am better than everyone” – and JJ and I will attest that we are NOT the same persons!

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

September 9th, 2009
7:33 am

it was like 8 a.m. on Labor Day morning — give him a break.

motherjanegoose

September 9th, 2009
7:48 am

My baby is 17, so it has been a while. I love the red bed and wish I had had one with so many memories…what an honor to sleep in a bed that has so much history.

I think it is great that your baby is going to preschool..even 1 or 2 mornings a week is awesome for developing independence….not sure she really needs it after you mentioned the crib vocals….hahaha!

I NEVER had the let’s have another baby urge….I guess that is not in my make up. We had 2 …a boy and a girl and they are just what we wanted.

To me, when Moms keep feeling the need to have one more… it is like saying I cannot find myself unless I have a baby in tow. Theresa, you have other talents and now is the time to enjoy them more! Time to pursue the things you want to do, sans children. You were a great person before children and you will be great again when they are on their own….plus you can wear a badge of honor that you raised three great kids.

I am proud of being a Mom but there are LOTS of other things I am good at too.

Andrea

September 9th, 2009
7:51 am

Unfortunately, it doesn’t get easier! With each new stage, they find more independence. I have enjoyed watching my kids make better decisions, and have enjoyed listening as their conversations mature. Mine aren’t in high school yet (one middle schooler, one elementary schooler) but I still get misty when they enter new phases. I just enjoy the memories and have a good cry when they aren’t looking!

nurse&mother

September 9th, 2009
7:52 am

LOL, my 3.5yo is still in his crib. Why ruin a good thing. He doesn’t crawl out of the crib. I assure you he would not stay put in a toddler bed. I realize that our days are numbered. BUT until then, we are still doing the crib.

The little one starts 3yo preschool today. Gotta get up and at em. the coffee needs to be in an IV form.

nurse&mother

September 9th, 2009
7:55 am

Two children is a good number for us. One child for each parent. LOL. I always wanted two children. Now I have them. I feel complete. I am ready to move on. Oh sure, I still have a few sad moments when I realize that the baby days are gone. But I am ready to do things that is difficult to do with little ones.

motherjanegoose

September 9th, 2009
8:04 am

FYI….I did not comment on the Obama thing yesterday but was amazed at how many NEW posters got involved. There were so many names I have never even seen.

I am always intrigued at what topic brings people on. I try to comment and be support Theresa most every day that I can but it is really interesting to see who shows up out of the blue. It also amazes me when the crazies ( who may never post) show up to really rag on the regular posters.

Everyone is welcome and this blog is not an exclusive club but ( to me) when the crazies show up and get mean it is kind of like having a neighborhood cookout and some neighbors ( who never say a word otherwise) show up and act obnoxious and complain about the rest of the neighbors who are involved on a regular basis…just thinking out loud here.

Have a great day! N&M enjoy your freedom this morning…hahaha!

Jeff

September 9th, 2009
8:10 am

Yeah, I won’t get to experience most of those younger ones, but neither am I really looking forward to the ones I WILL get to experience. (Depending on exact age we are able to adopt, possibly as early as first day of preschool, WILL be first day of middle school, more than likely somewhere in between there).

My mom has already been through the vast majority of them with at least one of us boys. Youngest bro is now in college and dating, obviously I have already graduated and gotten married.

Of course, now I’m giving her some she didn’t expect – one of her boys running for office for the first time, hopefully one of her boys IN office! (Leesburg City Council)

Hopefully I can continue to let her have more and more new experiences! Already got bro and his fiancee talking about taking a cruise for their honeymoon as well, and even dad has said he would like to go on one eventually!

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

September 9th, 2009
8:13 am

hey mjg — that’s why a gave the regulars a new topic yesterday to go along with obama — i knew you guys were done with the other.

Sonja

September 9th, 2009
8:35 am

Thank you for this article. I thought I was crazy that I was so sad about the fact my 2-year old is growing up. While I love seeing him grow I still feel a little sad at the same time.

JJ

September 9th, 2009
8:38 am

I always wanted more kids. When I was young, I envisioned having at least 4 kids……I wanted to be a Mom more than anything else. I thought I would find a nice man, settle down, and have kids………the whole white picket fence and everything…….

But that didn’t work out for me. I love that I have just the one, and I am glad I don’t have any others, as a single parent. My one has brought me more joy than I ever thought possible. (She also gave me a good run for my money, but it was worth it)……

I’m enjoying my new found freedom, and I do enjoy rattling around my house, looking for projects, or just being lazy…….

I’m proud that I raised a good kid, who is now in college, and flexing her wings……and so far, making good choices……..

motherjanegoose

September 9th, 2009
9:11 am

It is nice to reap the rewards of being a good parent but things change every day around here and sometimes I cringe when I see what my kids are up to…hahaha!

Love ya JJ but I think it is spreading her wings OR flexing her muscles….I am outta here….

New Stepmom

September 9th, 2009
9:15 am

I love the red bed too. My stepdaughter sleeps in the bed that was my mom’s and mine growing up. I think it has helped her feel like part of the family. I am looking forward to expanding our family and experiencing the things you speak of Theresa. My best friend is a kindergarten teacher and her 5yo started school a few weeks ago. She called me crying. She said she used to roll her eyes at the parents that cried when they dropped off Suzie or Johnny and she had become one of them.

pd

September 9th, 2009
9:26 am

My wife made me keep the crib too. Its been under neath the stairs in the basement collecting dust for three years. Hopefully, I can convince her to give it away when/if we ever move.

I don’t like to hang on to stuff. Less is more I say.

JJ

September 9th, 2009
9:30 am

PD – I agree, less is more!!!!

I have been cleaning out closets, cabinets, garages, etc, and I am absolutely amazed at the crap I hold on to. I have been purging like a mad woman!!!!! Goodwill has received several truck loads from me lately…….

gpkbsin

September 9th, 2009
9:37 am

My little one is only 2 and half months old and I’ve already started donating clothes that he doesn’t fit into. I’ve saved up everything from my 3 year old that will be used by the little one. but, the line is drawn right there. When my kids get old enough to have kids, the safety rules would have changed… not sure if they would even have kids. As soon as the little one is out of the crib, I’m giving it to somebody who can use it.

Thresea, do you not remember the hyper moments of the kid and the wish at that point that the hyper kid was somebody else’s problem? or maybe you were lucky and didn’t have hyper kids. So, think about all those times and let the little one go to preschool. :)

Annie

September 9th, 2009
9:51 am

You constantly refer to Rose and Walsh by their given name, yet you insist on calling your youngest “the baby”. Will this be something you continue to do throughout her life? I’m just wondering as my parents did it with my youngest sibling and it really became an issue for her.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

September 9th, 2009
9:59 am

hey Annie — I know I did it with rose until Walshie came — hmm — I’ll have to think on that —

Did you guys see the weight loss story on the front page of ajc.com — It happens by quirk to be by mom’s cousin’s daughter — what does that make her to me — cousin once removed?? I haven’t seen her since her grandfather’s funeral up in Rome — She looks fantastic!!! here’s the link to the story —
http://www.ajc.com/health/tracy-gaines-133682.html?cxntlid=sldr_hm

Richard

September 9th, 2009
9:59 am

Having another child just because you’re lonely at home (miss the children as they go to school), is no reason to bring another child into the world. Selfishness doesn’t cut it.

There are lots of wonderful reasons for more children, but this isn’t one of them.

ATL06

September 9th, 2009
10:06 am

You Know what Mother Jane you irritate the heck out of me.

MonkeyMom

September 9th, 2009
10:09 am

My baby is only four months old and I already get a little sad everytime someone tells me that she is “getting so big.” I know I will be really sad when the baby stage is over but I’m trying to keep in mind to enjoy each stage. My baby is already in daycare too, which I have had a really hard time with. It is awful to have to leave a baby that young in daycare all day.

JJ

September 9th, 2009
10:19 am

With each new phase they enter, something gets left behind. The crib is a material possession, let it go. You have the MEMORIES of all three of them in the crib.

Let it go………let it go………

New Stepmom

September 9th, 2009
10:23 am

I agree on letting the crib go. We have my stepdaughter’s crib which we will not use because it is now deemed unsafe and we want to pick out our own baby furniture. I want to sell it, but we mentioned it to my stepdaughter and she wigged. I think it is something tangible to her that shows her parents loved each other at one point. Once we are done with babies, I see us selling the baby furniture. No need for it to collect dust if someone else can use it.

DB

September 9th, 2009
10:27 am

I never cried as they went off to preschool, kindergarten, etc. Maybe I’m just not the crying type? I guess the only thing I could think of was how much fun they were having, and being excited for them, and enjoying a little more freedom for myself to do things that seemed to take three times longer when toddlers “helped”.

I knew I was done at 2 children (I got a late start, with my first at 32), but I still kept the crib. It’s in the attic — I have this vague idea of keeping it “just in case” (although at 52, that possibility is extraordinarily faint!), but also as a weird form of insurance (”If I sell it, I’ll get pregnant and have to buy a new one!”) I never had the urge to have another child, especially since my youngest was born just before I was 35 — just didn’t want to deal with the genetic testing and emotional issues that might crop up. I’ve got two wonderful kids who are well on their way to becoming intelligent, caring and productive adults. Life is good.

I have sometimes consider foster care — helping older kids who need some help and stability. But I’ve been reluctant — I’m feeling pretty selfish right now, with both kids off to college. It’s a thought — but I have a feeling that we’re going to be undergoing some changes in the next couple of years as my husband finishes up his long-term out-of-state project next year and we have some more flexibility. I’d hate to bring a child in, and then have their life turned upside down yet again in a year.

BRC

September 9th, 2009
10:38 am

I agree with the other posters – let the baby stuff go. We passed our crib, high chair, clothes etc. on to other families who could use it, instead of having everything sit and gather dust. It does help knowing the stuff is being used by someone who needs it, so if I need to see the things for some reason, I still can. (So far I haven’t had to.) We have enough stuff that comes with the older children – bicycles, sports equipment, art and craft stuff…the list goes on. Move the baby things out, make room for the bigger kid stuff. Take photos if you really need to remember everything.

Kathy

September 9th, 2009
11:27 am

This topic is so appropriate for me today! I dropped Little E off for her first day of preschool today. I have been very nostalgic and teary eyed the last couple of weeks because she and I had such a fun summer. She grew up so much this summer and I was not ready for summer to end! She will still be home with me two days a week, but I am very sad to let her go to school. She is (and will be) our only child. I get the baby urge every once in a while, but we are SO done.

We have gotten rid of all the baby stuff except the crib. We decided to hang on to that one just in case there is a little “surprise.” Cribs can be expensive! I am not really one to hang on to stuff so it was easy for me to get rid of the other baby stuff. Now if I can just convince my husband to get rid of the broken down truck taking up space in our garage…….. : )

lwa

September 9th, 2009
11:45 am

I get a little sad when I look at my 3 y.o. and realize that he is the last one. My youngest is growing up. We don’t call him the “baby” b/c he has to grow and and I don’t want him to have any complexes.. All three, no matter of birth order, have to pull his/her own weight.

I am sooooooo glad that I continue to live and have interest that do not include my children. I am in a book club, go away twice a year wtih the girls, I take a vacation once a year with my hubby, go out and visit others, etc..

We must not make every waking moment about our kids. What is going to happen when they go off to college?? Are mothers going to go with them or better yet, text them all day to see what they are doing?

Don’t put your life on hold to the point that you can’t function without the kids. Live a balanced, healthy life as you parent them.

new mom

September 9th, 2009
12:55 pm

Talk about timely…I’ll be leaving in a few minutes to pick up our daughter from her first day of preschool. She’ll be two on Tuesday, and she’s been so ready for school! Neither of us shed a tear, she kissed me goodbye and ran off to play with her new friend, who would not stop hugging her. She’s in a great program, and I know this will help her grow and have something special that is just hers, especially when baby arrives.
I got a lot done too! Now I’m wishing I had more then just a few days of preschool before the baby comes, I can see a few hours of mommy-time a week being a good thing. Oh well!
Hey Kathy, I wonder if our girls are in the same program, I think we live nearby, right? Am I remembering correctly? I’m not going to say the name online though ;)
Iwa, I agree about keeping up your non-children interests. At this point in my life, even though I’m still knee-deep in kidville, I like to be able to discuss non-kid topics with friends and not have my entire life revolving around them!

FCM

September 9th, 2009
1:23 pm

Theresa, she would be your second cousin. “Your second cousins are the people in your family who have the same great-grandparents as you, but not the same grandparents. “

JJ

September 9th, 2009
1:24 pm

Girls Night Out kept me sane while raising my child. Taking classes at the local community college, also helped me……That and my girlfriend weekends!!!!!

I have a wonderful variety of friends, and I make the effort to stay in touch with each and every one of them.

And the weekends, Friday night was “family night” and Saturday was Mommie night…….

Abby

September 9th, 2009
1:32 pm

FCM, that’s not necessarily true – my uncle’s kids are my first cousins, and my uncle’s grandkids are my 2nd cousins.

Abby

September 9th, 2009
1:33 pm

FCM. My bad – I just reread your post. Apologies to you :)

motherjanegoose

September 9th, 2009
1:54 pm

ATL06…to each his own and I am SO happy that my paying customers do not feel this way.
I am venturing that you will not be hiring me…..LOL.
I just read this e-mail from teachers who saw me yesterday” The reviews you received were outstanding.” Sorry I am not your cup of tea. May I ask who is?

@ newstepmom…..your Kindergarten teacher friend’s story is SO true. I taught for 5 years before I
had my son. I thought I knew everything there was to know about children, after all my degree was in education and I spend 5 years in the classroom with a full house of kids. WELL low and behold, I learned that actually being a mom hits you in a different way and pulls at your heart strings more so than being a teacher.

motherjanegoose

September 9th, 2009
2:02 pm

ooops…SPENT 5 years in the classroom….sorry…I am not trying to irritate ATL06 again.

tl

September 9th, 2009
2:25 pm

ATL 06 – me too!!!

jack5656

September 9th, 2009
2:31 pm

I must be a terrible parent, because I have never gotten sad over my kid growing up. I’ve had moments of nostalgia, but I was beaming with pride over the weekend when my 5 year old told me he has changed his mind about wanting to live with his mother and me forever. Now he wants to get an apartment when he goes to college because when he’s 18 he can stay up as late as he wants and I won’t tell him what time to go to bed. Being sad about your child growing up is, to me, kind of like getting depressed over not living the glory days of high school or college anymore. The past is just that..the past. The future is what holds all the romanticism and excitement. Personally, I can’t wait to watch and hear about my son’s adventures in life. Watching him moving forward is the best part of parenting for me and I’m WAY more fascinated and excited about what he has to offer on his own in the future than what he has done relying on us.

ATL06

September 9th, 2009
2:33 pm

I think you take yourself way too seriously. Your definately right your not my cup of tea. I’ve been checking out the blog for a minute and I have to say I can relate to or atleast respect everyone’s stance on certain topics. I can even relate to some of the things that you post from time to time. I think it’s your approach that irritates me the most.

Becky

September 9th, 2009
3:11 pm

jack5656, I think you said it the best..Whe I look back at some of the things that they have said and done, yest I get teary eyed..It’s at these times that I (kinda) wish they were still younger..But in my family, they mutiply like rabbits,we average about one new baby every 18-24 months..

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

September 9th, 2009
3:25 pm

FCM thank you for telling me how I’m related — wasn’t sure on that – but she does look great!!

I have given up a bunch of baby stuff (literally van loads of baby gear and clothes) but the crib will jsut have to be mine a little bit longer. It has Rose’s bite marks on it. Maybe some day but not yet!!

You are not alone, ATL06...

September 9th, 2009
3:27 pm

…motherjanegoose is who she is, and along with the “time to time” things she is cogent on, you/we have to put up with the “well, my clients tell me I am great”, just as she did to you earlier today in responding to your criticism. But, most of us have grown to love and expect that from her, though it does get irritating at times. And her response will be, as it has been in the past, that this is Theresa’s blog and until Theresa tells her to stop blogging she will keep on keeping on – so, you go motherjane girl!!!!

New Stepmom

September 9th, 2009
3:33 pm

Not to railroad the blog, but when you do get rid of baby stuff where do you take it? My sis-n-law is saving stuff for us in hopes I will get pregnant quickly, but aside from hand-me downs where are the best spots to get good used stuff? My mom like consignment sales and a couple of girlfriends swear by them. Have you guys had luck at those? Does used stuff sell on Craigslist? We have tried for months to sell a very nice dining set (we have 2 nice dining sets) with no luck, I am wondering if babay stuff sells better. Sorry for all of the questions, but being so new to parent hood and having parented a 9yo/10yo prior to an infant, I get sort of lost….

motherjanegoose

September 9th, 2009
3:34 pm

SOAP BOX ALERT…when random folks join the blog and fire off at me, I regroup and remind myself of all the folks who thank me ( nearly every week) for the concepts I share that help them in their day to day life. Perhaps I take myself seriously because there ARE groups in 46 states who have payed for my advice and then pay me again a few years later as the participants give credence to what I have shared. When I am out of work, I promise I will post and tell everyone to just ignore me and not read what I have to say as no one else appreciates me either!

I will be 50 next week and have been around the block a few times and also stepped in every state except Montana, so I have seen a lot of different types of Moms and families in America…not much outside the country though.

There are many ( on this blog) who are very credible in their arena of employment. Jeff knows more about government that I EVER want to know! I would NEVER for example challenge nurse and mother’s expertise, as she has more than I ever will in the medical field and probably lots of other areas too. DB knows so much stuff that I have no idea about…I cannot wait to have lunch with her this week. I met newmom last year and we had fun sharing things we knew. I have also had lunch with Kathy and while we do always not see eye to eye, her respect her expertise…she knows lots of stuff I do not. I also know nothing about being a stepmom or a grandma…i listen to others who will tell me things that I need to know.

It also cracks me up when posters say ugly things about what Theresa’s posts. HELLO…she writes this blog no matter what cranky posters think. If the plug gets pulled…THEN idiots can validate their ugly opinions about whether or not she has anything worthwhile to say. She is doing her job and if we do not like the topic…oh, well!

I am a published author and folks do buy what I write. If anyone on this blog thinks I am crazy, that is perfectly fine with me. I know there are lots of materials out there that I would not pay a nickel for. To each his own and what I share may not work at all for you. As far as I can tell, there is no screening mechanism to determine who can share ideas and which ones are credible.

@jack5656 …did you see that movie 17 again ( I think that is the name). My daughter is 17 and we saw it and then talked about how some folk’s highlight of their life is the time they spent in H.S. I told her that while I want her to have a GREAT year, there is so much more out there. I am COMPLETELY with you about the future. I never dreamed, as a Kindergarten teacher, that I would now have my own business and travel all over the country meeting teachers and Kindergarteners…it has been so much fun~ I hope my children are able to experience wonderful things too!

ATL06 were you mad about me clearing up the “spreading her wings ” or that I think some Mamas need to move on and express themselves and be true to themselves instead of having more babies to keep their identity….just curious. Newsflash, you may not be my cup of tea either…that is o.k.!

motherjanegoose

September 9th, 2009
3:41 pm

OOOPS…Theresa, I read the weight loss article in the AJC and it was awesome. KUDOS!

I want to share what happened to my sister. She recently lost 45 pounds and looks great.
I am so proud of her. Now, she is have major gall bladder problems and may need surgery. Her surgeon told her that this is quite common with folks who go on Nutrisystem or Liquid Diets such as Slimfast. I am sick for her as she worked so hard and now may have to have the surgery.
Seems unfair but it is due to the radical change in diet and then your body not being able to deal with some foods you avoided but are trying to reintroduce in your diet such as french fries or chips. Nurse and mother, can you shed some light on this?

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

September 9th, 2009
3:51 pm

mjg – never heard that about the liquid diets hmm —

On the baby clothes — I have always donated in the past — I figure we need tax deductions as much as income so I’m happy to give to the St. Vincent de Paul Society or to the Quinn House in Lawrenceville which is home for women and children.

However, I have sitting in a corner almost all my nursing tops and sweaters that cost a lot of money and Michael wants me to try to sale those — what a pain!! I’d much rather just give them away — so there they sit!!

ATL06

September 9th, 2009
3:51 pm

See that’s what I’m talking about.

Becky

September 9th, 2009
3:53 pm

New Stepmom,to me it depends on what you are looking to buy used..For my grandchildren (twins now 7) I bought most all of their clothes at a thrift store or yard sale..I have a coworker that his two are a couple of years older than mine and he has given me things or sold me stuff..

I have been to those sales that thye hold about twice a year in Gwinett and Cobb County, I wasn’t very happy with those..To crowded and IMO to overpriced..I haven’t ever tried to buy anything off of ebay or graigslist, so not sure what to tell you about that..

@ATL06, MJG knows that at times there are people on here that don’t see eye to eye with her..Like the other poster said, deal with it..That’s why we call it a Momania family..One of the regulars can tell another regular that they were wrong in what they said, the other one vents for a minute or two, then gets over it..So thank you for joining us today, we are glad to have someone new..

Becky

September 9th, 2009
4:07 pm

Oh, by the way Theresa..Love that bed and the history that goes with it..

New Stepmom

September 9th, 2009
4:29 pm

Becky-thanks for the thoughts on consignment sales. The one my mom goes to is in a small town in AL and she says the prices are like yard sale and thrift store prices and they have some high end (Strasburg and smocked) clothing. When the time comes, I will check out the ones here knowing they may be a rip off.

DB

September 9th, 2009
4:36 pm

Honestly, I’ve had my best luck selling baby stuff at yard sales, especially if you advertise “BABY GEAR!” in the ad or the sign. People just like to be able to pick up something and look it over carefully before they buy it. However, Theresa, you probably won’t have much luck with maternity clothes at a yard sale — any adult clothes are always slow sellers. I can appreciate Michael wanting to get some money out of it, but honestly, your best best is probably to take the tax deduction — in some cases, you’d probably get more as a tax deduction than you would as a sale.

For those of you who just throw stuff in a plastic bag and drop it off at the thrift shop: I was shocked when I discovered how much value the IRS will allow for deductions for used clothing, books, etc. I tried keeping track one year, and ended up with almost $2,700 in charitable donations deductions!!! I would have thought — “oh, maybe $200 or so . . .”, but by the time I listed everything and added it up, it was pretty amazing. As of 2006, clothing has to be in a minimum of “good” condition, so no fair taking the deduction for a stained t-shirt that’s only in fair or poor condition. There’s some software that’s available to help you track the stuff, but there’s also some good information on the Salvation Army website:

http://tinyurl.com/donationguide

to help you assign a value to stuff. There’s some leeway, obviously a skirt from WalMart would probably be valued less than a skirt from Nieman Marcus, but as long as you have a list and can show that you’ve made an attempt to value it fairly, the IRS guys aren’t going to bother you.

New Stepmom, I’ve always had a lot of luck with Craigslist, but you do have to price stuff fairly aggressively. Sometimes, if you offer delivery (especially with items like this), it makes a decision between your table and someone else’s table go in your favor — and you get rid of the table, it’s a win-win. Make sure your pictures are very clear — most furniture pics tend to be too dark, because of the wood. Also, try putting the ad on for a few days, take it off for a couple of days, and then repost. That brings it to the top of the list, since most people don’t bother scrolling past the first two or three pages. Friday mornings is the best day to post, as people start organizing their weekends.

New Stepmom

September 9th, 2009
4:37 pm

Theresa, there is a great consignment store in Sandy Springs that takes women’s clothing. Not sure if they do maternity/nursing clothing. Email me if you want the name and you can call the owner. She is great and I have taken women’s clothing to her and gotten a decent return (30-40% of original value).

New Stepmom

September 9th, 2009
4:40 pm

DB good to know about valuing stuff. I have always been told to never claim more than $500 on donations. I will start inventory-ing our donations from now on.

FCM

September 9th, 2009
5:19 pm

MJG — THANK YOU I appreciated your soap box alert, it let me know that I could skip the entry since you decided to tell off ATL06!

You are evolving!!!!!! :) (yes that means one day I might evolve too)

DB

September 9th, 2009
5:21 pm

New Stepmom, as long as you have the documentation, you’re fine. It’s the people who claim $1,000 for a bag of clothes but have no back-up that get in trouble. You make a list of what you donated, assign a reasonable value, and have the charity sign it when you take it in (or attach their form to your copy.) Throw it in your tax file, and you’re done.

motherjanegoose

September 9th, 2009
6:15 pm

DB….good points….I also did not know about the way to claim. I almost always get a receipt, except that I did donate a box of children’s clothes to the school where I went yesterday and the counselor is going to give them to the children who may need them.

I have sold things on Craigslist ( probably bought more stuff…hahaha) but have had no luck with clothes. I took 8 girl’s ( size 10-12) church dresses with velvet collars, fur and sparkles etc. to a consignment store by the MOG and they offered me $1.50 per dress. Maybe I am WAY out of the loop but for that kind of money I will GIVE them away. I am not savvy about where to take clothes and what might sell. I ironed the dresses before I left and was mad as it was not even worth taking the time to iron them. I took them home with me. Am I doing something wrong?

My daughter also has Guess, American Eagle and Aeropostle ( sp) junior jeans in size 3-5. They have freys at the bottom and on the pockets…some came this way. The store I went to said they do not take them in this condition…we bought them retail in the condition…now THIS is where I really do not have a clue. See, I do not know everything and obviously know nothing about this topic.

Theresa…I was shocked too ( about the liquid diets) but I am sad for my sister who worked so hard to get the weight off and now is in pain.

@ FCM…sometimes you can teach and old dog ( me) new tricks…hahaha! Who is ATL06….i do not remember seeing the blog name often but maybe he/she has been around a long time and I might have missed it. I am not big on reading posts where they poster just rags on anyone else instead of sharing or asking a question. To me, it is not all that clever to just criticize.

@ Becky my kids and husband do not see eye to eye with me either….thanks for sticking up for me!

motherjanegoose

September 9th, 2009
6:30 pm

FYI…I know I sometimes criticize other posters BUT this is NOT the only thing I do. Some posters only chime in when they want to rag on others….if I stand to be corrected, then so be it…I just prefer it to be done with validity.

To me, this blog is like the newspaper…there are some sections ( posters) I always read, some I might read and some I find just plain foolish. I am sure the road goes both ways. This is why some folks have to read People Magazine while some of the rest of us read Reader’s Digest.

I song I wrote for and sing with kids is called:
THERE ARE MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE ALL AROUND
Yep, that is ALWAYS TRUE!!!

DB

September 9th, 2009
7:13 pm

MJG, have your daughter take her stuff by Plato’s Closet — they are a little more savvy about what teenagers wear and buy, and if it’s stuff that’s in demand, like American Eagle, then they will probably buy it. Not a great price, but it does get it moved out the door.

cp

September 9th, 2009
8:37 pm

…pretty sure it’s “lo and behold.”
Usually, I don’t like correcting others, but it seemed called for.

Tiffany

September 9th, 2009
10:27 pm

Theresa, don’t let anyone bully you into letting go of that crib. You never know what might happen…you could end up needing it after all. You can always tell yourself that your saving it for the grandkids. It is nice to save a few of the really special baby things- like their first pair of shoes, Christening outfit, ect. They will appreciate it one day. And as for your husband…I think he looks kind of hot in that Georgia shirt!

DB

September 9th, 2009
11:54 pm

Theresa, I don’t think that your cousin in the paper is your second cousin. You don’t have a greatgrandparent in common, if her mother is your mother’s cousin. That would make her the granddaughter of your mother’s aunt/uncle. Her grandparent would be your great-grandparent, so there is a generation difference between the two of you. Thus, she is “once removed” — first cousin, once removed.

catlady

September 12th, 2009
10:47 am

I can’t imagine a 2 1/2 year old knowing the word “hate.”

My words of wisdom: Let your children grow up at develomentally appropriate rates. Don’t push them out, but don’t hold them back. Allow them to make appropriate decisions and TAKE THE APPROPRIATE CONSEQUENCES. Remember each child is an individual, on their own timeline. Finally, DON’T HANDICAP YOUR CHILD.