Is your spouse ever spontaneous? Give us inspiration!

A regular sent me a note yesterday saying she wants inspiration from other couples about how to be spontaneous. Here’s what she’s wrote:

After our wedding in April, I had very unexpected female surgery in May that had a seven week recovery.

My husband was unemployed during that time and we very quickly got into a little bit of a rut due to finances and my not feeling well.

Several weeks ago we went to dinner and a movie and had a great time and decided that we wanted to go dance and drink like we were young again.  So we found a band playing in buckhead, hopped in the car and went.  We had the best time and this was something we had no plans to do.  We made it in about 2:30 a.m. and are still talking about how much fun that was.

I would love to hear about other spontaneous moments between couples that might inspire us to be a little more unplanned.

So with the weekend upon us, please share your best unplanned, spontaneous moments. Give us some great ideas to spring on our spouses when they come home tonight.

43 comments Add your comment

motherjanegoose

August 21st, 2009
8:28 am

No he is not…any event that gets initiated around here is usually initiated by me…
even going to Chik fil A.

He did once plan a trip to Las Vegas for our 25th anniversary and our Ole Yellar was so sick that we both agreed we could not leave him with the kids…we ended up putting him down…it was so sad. He sent me 25 roses and a card.

When we first moved here….20 years ago and for my birthday, he called my boss in Buckhead to ask for a recommendation for a florist. She gave him one that was quite reputable. He ordered a plant which was supposed to be a ficus, peace lily or scheffelera ( sp?). They sent a RUBBER PLANT. He paid almost $50 ( twenty years ago) and those same rubber plants could be had at Home Depot for $7.99. ….I think they are $15 now. Anyway, he asked me how I liked my plant
( I did not and felt he got ripped off but was courteous and thanked him as he had tried!). He then told me what kind he ordered and how the lady assured him it would be wonderful. When he got home, I showed him the plant and he mentioned that he did not know what a ______ looked like. I then told him that it was actually a rubber plant and later showed him one at Home Depot. THIS WAS NOT HIS FAULT….he meant well but got snookered and this has also happened to me when I order flowers. I ordered my sister tulips and they were awful ( from an 800 flower line) I saw prettier ones at Whole Foods.

Each spouse has attributes that are memorable. Mine is hard working, fairly laid back and GREAT with our kids. He is also very kind to our neighbors and will help at any time. Last week, I pulled off next to a student ( on the 85 south interstate exit) whose car was blowing water everywhere. I rolled down my window and yelled at him to follow me off of the exit and I would show him where the Qwik Trip was. He did but was puzzled as to why I would stop. I called my husband ( who was at the GBraves game with our son) and handed my phone to the boy. My husband told him what he needed to do. I KNOW that if they were not at the game, he would have come to help him….for that I am proud. FYI…it was light outside and there were lots of folks near the exit but no one else was stopping. I did not feel unsafe but worried for the driver, as this could have been one of my kids out there.

Can’t wait to hear the stories today…have a great day!

motherjanegoose

August 21st, 2009
8:30 am

Just put in a comment and it is not here…maybe it will show up …Theresa? Have a FUN Friday!

Becky

August 21st, 2009
8:45 am

My husband’s name and spontaneous can’t even used in the same sentence..He is a true southerner in that he talks real slow and is real laid back..So I’ll just lurk today..

FCM

August 21st, 2009
8:54 am

Well when I was married, the two really spontaneous events resulted in the people who yell “MOM!!!!!” at me daily! ;)

My ex was spontaneous….he would go out all night with “friends’ and forget to come home….or he would call me while drunk lost on some road looking for a ride…thank God he would be walking home!

I did have spontaneous outings with other men in my dating years –pre marriage. There was the outing to camp in the woods. The dinner for two followed by a hotel stay in the mountains. The moonlight walk up Stone Mountain.

Jesse's Girl

August 21st, 2009
8:59 am

Jesse and I have found the spark for us lies in doing something completely out of our comfort zone. Rock climbing….salsa dancing…shooting….archery….polka night:). We both hate the dinner and movie thing….way too predictable and kind of boring. A few weeks ago, we drove to Alabama just to go to the unclaimed airline baggage store!!! That was a hoot…the things people lose! We have also been known to go to the RV store and test drive $200,000 RV’s!

jg

August 21st, 2009
9:08 am

Spontaneous? Mr G will sometimes say “You want to go to Kroger?”
Mr G is not very spontaneous – but thankfully I am enough for the whole family – Do I wish he were spontaneous? Sometimes, but he is still wonderful! Have a great day everyone!

Jeff

August 21st, 2009
9:11 am

T is even more of a planner than I am – and those of you who know me know how much of a planner *I* am!

Therefore, spontaneity for us is basically us waking up on a Saturday and deciding we’d rather just stay in all day. Anything more major than that, and one of us probably isn’t going to be having a good time.

The one exception is “planned spontaneity”. ie, we go on vacation, such as a cruise or for out anniversary or other random weekend trips (that were planned months in advance) with no plans other than what area we are going to and where we are staying. Even then though, we have a general idea of several things we’d like to do. (Such as the Ripley’s Aquarium, putt putt golf, shopping, and the big scrapbooking store when we went to Gatlinburg last year for our 1 yr anniversary.)

Jesse's Girl

August 21st, 2009
9:14 am

Jeff….you and T need to come out for a double date with me and Jesse:)

motherjanegoose

August 21st, 2009
9:16 am

@JG…love it! I have always wanted to take dancing lessons. MAJOR EYE ROLL from my husband.
I asked my so who is 6 ft. 2 and got a double eye roll, not that I thought he would accommodate his mom. WHAT a surprise when my husband was at his family’s ( out of state) and his BROTHER is taking dancing lessons with his wife. He could not imagine it.

If I completely lost my baggage, I will check in with you…haha!

Atlanta Native

August 21st, 2009
9:40 am

My wife used to complain about me not being spontaneous. When we were dating she was very spontaneous and I just went along for the ride. Since we are parents, spontaneous is harder than it used to be.

Things have reversed for us since our son came along 8 years ago. Now, if plans change, she already has planned what she is doing and does not want to change things. If I come up with something to do at the last minute, she just cannot get ready in time. If another family with whom we are friends calls on Sunday evening after church and says “Let’s all go get dinner somewhere casual” they should have called earlier so she could be prepared to go out. If I say, “Let’s have the backdoor neighbors over to grill out burgers for lunch” on a weekend, she cannot because the upstairs is not spotless (even though we won’t be going up there).

Vacations are where she is spontaneous, and I revel in it. When we were in Venice, a boat we wanted to take for a sightseeing trip was delayed, so we just got on the next one to see where it went. It was a fun adventure. If we could afford to go on vacation more often, I would.

Am I upset that her spontaneity has waned over the years? No. I love her too much and know I can be rather annoying at times and I very am glad she puts up with me. Remember there is a difference between a man not being spontaneous and just being a lump.

Also, since I am more spontaneous, I am less likely to plan an event in advance and ensure that we have everything set up for what we plan to do. I don’t buy the concert tickets in advance. I do not arrange for a sitter or make dinner reservations. I just want to be spontaneous and do everything at the last minute. So, be careful what you ask for, you just might get it!

Lisa

August 21st, 2009
9:53 am

This is MOMania, right?

The original question asked in the article is by a woman without any kids – therefore, not a mom (or even a dad).

So why are we discussing this?

Katherine

August 21st, 2009
9:54 am

I love spontaneity! I am a pretty spontaneous person, as is my SO. For my birthday this year, he gave me a card on a Friday night that said to pack my bags because we were leaving the next morning for a weekend away. Last week we decided to go on a picnic after work (his suggestion, actually). At 4 in the morning one morning, we wanted ice cream, so off to the grocery store we went. That was over a year ago and we still giggle about that. I feel like some of the fun times happen and the best memories are made when you don’t try to plan everything. It’s fun not knowing what to expect.

Katherine

August 21st, 2009
9:57 am

Lisa – I think that spontaneity is something that people without kids tend to have more of, but that parents can benefit from (especially those who are married – variety (and therefore spontaneity) can be so beneficial to a relationship). So, regardless of whether the person who wrote the article and posed the question, I think that it’s relevant to everyone. If nothing else, I think that peoples’ responses are/will be fun to read!

Katherine

August 21st, 2009
9:59 am

Ooops, I think that the lobotomy must’ve been successful… I meant to say in my above post, “So, regardless of whether the person who wrote the article and posed the question HAS KIDS, …”

WOW, Lisa...

August 21st, 2009
10:01 am

…guess you are neither spontaneous nor married. Why can Moms not be spontaneous, too? Theresa was trying to add spice to our lives via suggestions from other, and you seemingly just want to talk about school or diapers or whatever else it is that moms dealt with daily – Moms are never supposed to have lives outside mommyhood, according to you!

Becky

August 21st, 2009
10:04 am

Lisa, glad that you could start your day out in a p*ssy mood and share with us..Where did you read in the article that she has no kids? Even if she doesn’t, what’s the big deal with what MOMania’s topics are?

lovelyliz

August 21st, 2009
10:04 am

FCM

My sister had the same type of problem with her ex-husband. It wasn’t his lack of spontaneity that killed their marriage (he bought her roses once when they were dating and then never again) because some people just don’t have it. If however, like my ex-brother-in-law you have no spontaneous moments but plenty with other women, then it’s time to say buh-bye!!!

Razz

August 21st, 2009
10:06 am

Katherine- what does SO stand for? “as is my SO”…just curious?! :)

Michelle

August 21st, 2009
10:11 am

Razz…significant other (SO)

jess

August 21st, 2009
10:23 am

I love the spontaneous sex…in the middle of the day he’ll come home to “pick up something”…but we’ll end up having sex all over the house..before you know it..he’s been home for 2 hrs, just knocking my boots off….. theres times when we’re driving, and he’ll pull over somewhere…and just start exciting me… I LOVE those moments–its never ever dull with him!

Jesse's Girl

August 21st, 2009
10:27 am

Well alright then….thanks for sharing Ms. Lord:)

motherjanegoose

August 21st, 2009
10:48 am

@michelle…I picked up on SO and am proud that I am not a dinosaur yet….hahaha!
sometimes I have no idea what you guys are referring to.

Razz

August 21st, 2009
10:48 am

ahhh, thanks Michelle!

new stepmom

August 21st, 2009
12:05 pm

@Lisa…I was the question asker and although I do not have a bio child, I parent a 10yo step daughter everyday just like many of you. Often it is from a distance, but nothing happens in our home without it being in her best interest-we even set our wedding date and my surgery date around our custody agreement. I just spent an hour on email trying to get info from her school so we would not miss any important event this year. I think that is parenting and I think along with it comes the same stress (sometimes more) that comes with having bio children.

Thank you to all of you with fun ideas. I like the “out of your comfort” zone thoughts. My husband is more inclined to do that than I am. I think that is why I wanted to hear more about spontaneous fun-so I could try to be less planned and do more stuff like our band night in Buckhead. The whole marriage and child thing is very new to me and I am a planner by nature and the new responsibilities have made me more OCD ;o)! Thanks for the great ideas!

JJ

August 21st, 2009
12:37 pm

As a single gal, I can be VERY spontaneous. I was quite spontaneous with my daughter too….we went on tons of weekend trips when she was younger……

When I was married, I would take off on Friday afternoons, go home and pack a suitcase for me and him. He would come home from work, and I’d tell him to change his clothes, we are going on a road trip. Sometimes we would take his daughter. Sometimes we would just decide to get in the car and go north until we ran out of road. We had some really great times.

On one of our anniversaries, and I know I’ve posted this before, I checked us into a hotel and had a cracker/cheese/wine picnic on the bed ready when we got there.

To me, being spontaneous keeps the spice of life alive.

shaggy

August 21st, 2009
12:56 pm

I am pretty sure Theresa will delete me again, but here goes…
I take delight in being spontaneous. You only go round once and if you don’t act on whims, you will miss out on plenty.
Example: I was flying into HJ from a business trip and had MARTAed north, so my sweetie could pick me up there. I got in the car and she seemed mad about something, so of course I asked. She had been stuck in Atl for too long, while I was out traveling the world was the cause for her attitude. I thought for a few seconds and said, “well let’s go somewhere, right now, don’t go home”. At first, she couldn’t swallow the idea and it took some minutes of “why not” type talk. She said, we can’t do that. I don’t have anything to wear”. I said, Screw it, I’ll buy everything in San Francisco, heck, I’ll have the airline ship my bags I have with me to my business, and I’ll buy all of my stuff too”. She couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth. She said OK, let’s do it. We did it. Spent a fine late spring week in SF, dining, walking, loving, and still talk about that trip, 20 years later. How’s that girls?
Theresa, go ahead and delete away.

Theresa Walsh Giarrusso

August 21st, 2009
1:04 pm

Shaggy — you got deleted for talking about raping women.

Mort Merkel

August 21st, 2009
1:17 pm

I used to very spontaneous, but my wife has beaten it out of me, just like everything else, including the will to live.

Mort Merkel

August 21st, 2009
1:17 pm

I don’t mean beaten literally.

JJ

August 21st, 2009
1:28 pm

To Lisa, there’s one unhappy person in every situation. Thanks for letting us know it was you today…..

shaggy

August 21st, 2009
1:51 pm

Theresa, I did no such thing and would never do such a thing. I did, however make commentary on the easy nature of sorority girls and yes, we did try (and often did) pick them up because of that. Never was rape a part of it, but I do remember a couple of those girls being a tad bit over anxious.Like I said then, the truth sometimes hurts.

2009 Camry Mommy

August 21st, 2009
1:58 pm

Hey Lisa, I’m a mom of 2 girls under 5 and I love to try and be spontaneous sometimes. Our schedule may often get thrown off a bit if daddy comes home and says you know what we are going out to eat. Or I’m coming home so we can all take a walk together. At least we get a chance to talk and have a good time outside of the house. We haven’t been as fortunate lately to do too many spontaneous things but we will. With two small kids we can’t be too out there…some planning is often required. :)

motherjanegoose

August 21st, 2009
3:00 pm

Oh WOW…it does not look like spontaneous activities are a hot commodity….too bad.

Now for a Friday chuckle…this has nothing to do with the blog but I hope it will make you laugh. I once made a flight reservation with a Delta Air Lines agent on the phone, as I could not get the flight to come up online.

The agent was courteous and helpful. I thanked her and told her that I hoped that I was not too much trouble. She replied, ” oh no, you were great..” I then said, “I’ll bet you have some stories…”
She said, ” oh yes…do you want to know my favorite?”***** “OF COURSE!”****

She then told me that she was booking a flight for a lady ( on the phone) and got ready for the seat assignment… she asked, “Would you like a window or an aisle?”
The lady replied, ” Oh, an aisle seat…I do not want my hair to get messed up….” ROFL

These are not crop dusters they are flying….some may not get it but that is o.k.

new stepmom

August 21st, 2009
3:15 pm

JJ…the hotel picnic is a great idea. I will keep that one up my sleeve!

JJ

August 21st, 2009
3:22 pm

New Stepmom, it doesn’t have to be an expensive hotel either. I think we were at a Holiday Inn……

MotherJane – They walk among us……too funny……

JATL

August 21st, 2009
3:38 pm

I certainly didn’t think the question-asker was childless. It may be harder to pull off and less frequent, but my husband and I go out to hear live music and drink a bit too much as often as possible. We love to see bands and although we used to go constantly, now it’s almost better because it’s a true treat! As far as spontaneity, I would love for HIM to be a little more into planning our social stuff or doing things on the spur of the moment, but one thing we do is to plan a night out. That’s it -we have babysitting taken care of and we know we’re going out, but we wait until THEN to decide what we’re doing. That brings back a little of the old “footloose and fancy free” feeling. We DO both love the movies, so we go often, but it’s fun to just get the sitter to your house, head out and THEN think about -hmmmm -dinner? dancing? music? bar? all four? a bottle of champagne and a hotel room for two hours….

Becky

August 21st, 2009
3:46 pm

new stepmom, hope all is well with you and the surgery that you had..

Michelle

August 21st, 2009
3:51 pm

@ MJG….FUNNY!!! I love it!

JJ

August 21st, 2009
3:52 pm

JATL — I love that you “drink too much as often as possible”……too funny.

Have a great weekend everyone!!!!!!

new stepmom

August 21st, 2009
4:15 pm

Surgery went really well although the recovery was much harder than anyone expected. It is nice to now be back to normal feeling 100% and both of us at work. We are now hoping to have some little ones of our own! Thank you for asking.

deidre_NC

August 21st, 2009
8:56 pm

jg….how was the airline unclaimed baggage store? ive been wanting to go there but wasnt sure if it would be worth it…did ya find any good buys?

kranepool

August 22nd, 2009
11:01 am

Mort,
My wife tried to beat the spontanaity of me but I turned the tables on her. I was working out of state for a while when she called me one Friday and begged me to come home because she was feeling lonely. After I drove 7 hours to be with her and after going out drinking with her co-workers, she wanted nothing to do with me when I walked in the door. After we both went to sleep I got up the next morning and kindly got in my car and drove back to where I was working and didn’t return home for 2 months. She didn’t try that again.

Becky

August 24th, 2009
8:34 am

kranepool, my husband used to travel a lot for his job and there were times that he would get home about 2-3 in the morning..For about the first 2 years or so , I would get up when he came in and most of the time I would have dinner ready for him..I can’t imagine doing that to my spouse..The only reason that I stopped doing this, is because he said it was to much trouble for me..